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pauline-lewis · 3 years

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Because that is your person in this life

Hier, j'ai revu Frances Ha. En lançant le film, j'ai vu la date de sortie, "2013", et j'ai vraiment eu du mal à y croire. Huit années. Je me vois encore sortir de l'avant-première au Champs-Élysées Film Festival et pleurer sur le quai du RER à Charles de Gaulle Étoile. À l'époque je travaillais en contrat précaire dans une grande rédaction et ce film avait touché une corde très sensible : celle de mon impression d'être perdue, de ne pas être assez avancée dans ma vie, cette crise des 27 ans qui m’avait frappée sans prévenir. J'en avais parlé à Greta Gerwig en interview tandis qu'elle était couchée sur un canapé, ses Louboutin posées négligemment par terre. (j'étais nettement moins distinguée)

J'avais donc un peu peur en lançant ce film qui avait marqué un moment si précis et particulier de mon existence. Et puis, je me suis retrouvée à l'aimer comme au premier jour, chaque image m'a fait ressentir la texture et le poids de ces huit années. Et ce n’était pas si triste. J'ai eu de nouveau les larmes aux yeux quand Frances dit "I'm so embarrassed, I'm not a real person yet", qu'elle raconte cette vie parallèle que nous développons avec les personnes que nous aimons. J'y ai trouvé l'écho de ce que j'étais et la certitude de ce qui avait changé. Je crois que j'ai trouvé ce même équilibre que Frances, j'ai lâché l'ambition pour quelque chose de plus petit mais qui me ressemble plus. Je n'interviewe plus d'actrices sublimes en Louboutin mais je fais d'autres choses.

Et puis il y a tout ce qui reste, la joie de voir quelqu'un danser dans la rue sur le Modern Love de David Bowie, le sourire de Greta Gerwig qui me bouleverse, ce sentiment d'être une personne sculptée à même le malaise qui me fait rire aujourd'hui (et que j'accepte). Les références musicales et cinématographiques. Les silences et les clins d’œil à Proust.

Et surtout la beauté de connaître cette chose précieuse : d’avoir une amie qui me dit souvent "I love you, I really do", qui sait aussi raconter l'histoire de ce qu'elle pense que j'accomplirai. C'est déjà en soi une immense victoire que je chérissais il y a huit ans et que je chéris encore plus aujourd'hui parce que je sais que c’est ce qu’il reste quand on a passé les événements au tamis du quotidien et des années.

and you look across the room and catch each other's eyes... but - but not because you're possessive, or it's precisely sexual... but because... that is your person in this life. And it's funny and sad, but only because this life will end, and it's this secret world that exists right there in public, unnoticed, that no one else knows about.

Girlfriends de Claudia Weill (1978)

Petite thématique amitié avec le Girlfriends de Claudia Weill (écrit par Vicki Polon) que j’ai découvert cette semaine. Quand j’y pense Frances Ha lui emprunte beaucoup. Les deux films partent des amitiés féminines pour réfléchir à la place des femmes dans le monde, à ce que la société patriarcale attend de nous et à l’ambition artistique vs la vie “rangée”.

Girlfriends raconte, comme Frances Ha, une amitié qui se délite. Deux femmes qui pensaient qu’elles allaient vivre leurs vies en parallèle et qui se retrouvent à avoir deux expériences très différentes de l’existence. Susan (qui est officiellement mon nouveau personnage de fiction pref, quel charisme incroyable) est photographe et elle s’apprête à emménager en colloc avec son amie Anne. Sauf qu’Anne lui annonce qu’elle laisse tomber ce projet pour se marier et s’installer avec son compagnon.

Deux itinéraires complètement différents se dessinent à partir de ce moment tandis qu’elles essaient de réparer cette incommunicabilité qui s’est installée entre elles. Tout comme dans Frances Ha, j’aime particulièrement les scènes d’intimité entre les deux femmes qui dessinent, je trouve, un autre cinéma parallèle. Anne qui joue du piano pendant que Susan écoute, les confidences et les silences qui disent long, les conversations qui durent.

J’ai surtout aimé la longue réflexion sur l’ambition artistique, sur ce qu’elle coûte à Susan (financièrement et mentalement). C’est un film assez mélancolique, sur ce que les femmes sont forcées d’abandonner pour choisir un chemin ou un autre. Je crois que j’aurais pu regarder Susan parler et être elle-même pendant des heures et des heures.

Résine d’Elodie Shanta (éditions La Ville Brûle)

En ce début d’année il ne s’est pas passé grand chose de fun mais dans mon top 2 il y a vraiment 1) commander de la laine à chaussettes et 2) lire Résine d’Elodie Shanta.

J’aurais du mal à exprimer (même si bon techniquement c’est mon travail) avec des mots à quel point cette petite BD m’a à la fois enchantée et vraiment amusée. Je l’ai lue un soir vraiment morne et je me suis retrouvée à rire à gorge déployée et à prendre des photos de tous les petits détails drôles qui se cachent à chaque page.

Résine raconte l’histoire d’une sorcière et de son compagnon Claudin qui débarquent dans le village de Floriboule. Comme elle a été chassée de son précédent lieu de résidence, Résine se dit qu’il serait peut-être de bon ton de faire profil bas et de cacher à tout le monde qu’elle est une sorcière.

Sauf que Résine est une sorcière au grand cœur, qui multiplie les pains et l’argent, trouve que travailler est une perte de temps, et qui va plus ou moins se griller en mettant en péril l’obscurantisme et l’ordre capitaliste et patriarcal qui règne à Floriboule. De ce décalage entre les couleurs joyeuses et le style tout en rondeurs d’Elodie Shanta, et le message anticapitaliste et féministe, naît une vraie jubilation.

Vous me direz peut-être qu’on en a marre des sorcières mais croyez-moi quand je vous dis que Résine est tout bonnement irrésistible. Et si je vous dis qu’on y croire aussi des sorcières lesbiennes, un lutin avec un grand cœur qui fait la tête en permanence (il m’a fait penser à mon personnage de fiction préféré, Archimède dans Merlin l’enchanteur) et des punchline vraiment hilarantes, j’espère que vous serez conquis·es !

(Vraiment mon nouveau héros)

Division Avenue de Goldie Goldbloom (ed. Christian Bourgois, trad de l’anglais par Éric Chédaille)

Je suis très triste de ne pas avoir lu ce livre à temps pour ma sélection de rentrée, mais je me suis rattrapée en lisant ce beau roman en janvier et je n’ai pas regretté.

Goldie Goldbloom raconte l’histoire de Surie Eckstein, une femme qui vit au sein du quartier juif orthodoxe de New York. L’autrice elle-même est membre de la communauté juive hassidique. Surie, donc, a déjà dix enfants et plusieurs petits-enfants. Ses règles s’étant arrêtées, elle pense être ménopausée. Mais voilà qu’elle va tomber enceinte. Cette nouvelle la perturbe profondément et change son rapport à son corps, à sa famille, à sa communauté. Alors qu’elle cache son état à ses proches, elle comment à aider la sage-femme de l’hôpital et elle se remémore la disparition de l’un de ses fils, mort du sida après avoir été mis au ban de la communauté.

Le roman m’a forcément fait penser à la série Unorthodox mais je trouve qu’il évite beaucoup des raccourcis que cette dernière prenait. J’ai eu l’impression de pénétrer vraiment dans cette communauté et de voir comment la frustration pouvait parfois cohabiter avec l’amour, j’ai été vraiment embarquée par ce personnage et par sa vie complexe. Sans jamais porter de jugement. J’ai simplement partagé la vie de cette héroïne pendant quelques jours. Je pense souvent à la phrase de Faïza Guène qui disait dans une interview à Mediapart : “J’aime bien lire ce qui me manque.”

Et j’ai vraiment eu cette impression de lire l’histoire de ces femmes dont on raconte rarement le destin. D’entrer dans le vécu de Surie avec de l’humour et surtout avec ces nuances qui font le sel de l’expérience humaine. Ce n’est pas du tout un roman “choc” sur une communauté religieuse mais vraiment un récit qui fait cohabiter l’empathie, la religion, la science et l’expérience d’une femme avec beaucoup de talent.

#Frances Ha #Girlfriends #Elodie Shanta #Goldie Goldbloom

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vore-scientist · 5 years

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Goldilocks and the Giant Wizard

A Tale of the Mystic Woods

(safe/soft GT vore w/fearplay)

Premise: The Giant Evil Wizard Yonah HaEsh has a uninvited visitor to his tower, and she’s quite the troublemaker. I worked a lot of silly lore into this one.

**Content Warnings**: The titular Goldilocks lives! Do not worry! But there is minor skin irritation/burns (multiple factors involved). Descriptions are not graphic but are intense. Also Yonah briefly considers killing her (but not digesting her alive, he would never!). [please message me for additional info if needed!]

Goldie’s POV is 1st person, Yonah’s is 3rd.

----

So.

Hi.

My name is Zahav Goldstein-Goldbloom. But most people call me Goldie. It’s great to meet a fan! Oh? Are you not a fan? Surely you’ve heard of me. I’m a pretty awesome adventurer if I do say so myself. And I do. Say so. All the time. I am brave. I am strong! I can run for hours! I am resourceful! And I always come out on top… always… well. Except for right now. Right now I am…

FREAKING! THE! FUCK! OUT!

You will never guess where I am. (Or maybe you will, given fairly universal theme of the author’s blog).

I’m in the stomach of a giant! Who is also a wizard! What’s up with that? Giants can’t become wizards!

Yeah. I was eaten. Gonna die soon. That sucks. A lot.

It’s terribly smelly and terrifyingly dark in here. I briefly took out a light stone but that was worse. The horrible angry pink walls… the slimy mucus… the acids that I’m sitting in… I would rather not watch my own demise. But don’t worry, I’m not going quietly! I’ll scream my loudest up until the very end! This I swear. And I can scream very loud. If you’re worried that I’m using up my air faster: better to pass out and not die painfully right?

There’s no point in telling me that I shouldn’t be complaining, or that adventuring is far from safe. I know. I know. It’s super duper dangerous and adventurers die all the time but I never figured it would happen to me! I always do everything right. So how could this have gone so wrong? Must have been something. I should have just enough time left to reflect.

How about we start at the beginning. Not of my life. As exciting as my entire life is, or… was… I don’t think I have time before well… you know. My skin is already feeling a bit tingly. That’s probably a bad sign.

Anyways! Let’s start a few days ago. When I entered a rather mysterious forest.

—-

The day had been pretty darn great so far! I broke a curse put upon the charming town of Shevana. I guess I did a really good job since they carried me out on their shoulders! Singing my praises! And gave me a nice reward. They told me that I’d done such a good job that they never needed me to visit again. I waved to the crowd as I walked down the road into the bright sunny day.

Ugh. I’d forgotten how boring this part of adventuring was. Travel. Walking. Just me and me thoughts. For hours. So many hours.

I wish I’d stayed in town awhile longer. They gave me some gold but didn’t give me any food for my journey. And you can’t eat gold! Unless maybe you’re a lava snake. But I’m guessing you aren’t since they can’t read. Can’t really hold books in molten coils.

Usually I manage to find something, a stray fruit tree, shoot a rabbit. However I saw no such things on the side of the road! Not that I was concerned. One day without food could not worry me.

But that one day became two. And on that second evening I came to a forest.

I figured I could find something to eat in a forest! Right? Berries at the very least. Countless people have told me to be careful about eating plants I’m not familiar with but I’ve never had any problems.

I didn’t expect the sun to set so fast. Nor for it to start raining. I could barely see three feet in front of me let alone forage for sustenance. What I needed was shelter. Warm and dry shelter. Hell I would take a hole in the ground!

That’s when I spotted it: A hole in the ground!

Right between the roots of a small group of trees growing on a sizable mound of earth and rocks. And it was very dry, the earth inside covered in a soft moss! Finally things were making sense again.

One thing was missing: warmth.

What I lacked in food I made up for in flint and tinder! Miraculously still dry tinder thanks to my awesome waterproof bag that I got from a witch. I offered to return it after I was done with my quest but she wouldn’t let me near her hut and insisted I leave and never come back.

So I lit a small fire.

That’s when the rumbles started.

That’s when I found out that this wasn’t a mound made of earth and rocks.

Well it was made of bears. Large, no-longer-sleeping bears.

Made of earth and rocks.

I was able to get out of there and make a run for it as they disentangled themselves, the roots of the trees had grown deep and I could hear them ripping out of the ground as the beasts roared.

Miracle is an understatement. I shouldn’t have gotten away from the bears. I couldn’t actually run since I couldn’t see even if when the rain stopped. I collided into every thorn bush and tripped on every rock and root. From behind me I could hear them, they were getting closer. Surely at their size they could reach me in just a single bound!

And then I didn’t hear them! I also felt really nauseated as I stumbled into a clearing.

Not a true clearing. It wasn’t an empty meadow. From what I could see it was a garden, and possibly a small orchard? The sky was still dark with clouds. Thankfully The plant beds were spaced very far apart; not the most efficient use of space. And no, I didn’t pick any fruits or vegetables! This is clearly a magical garden! I’m not stupid. I don’t know what gave you that idea!

Fine! I took some apples! They smelled normal enough, and I’m not cursed or anything. Plus I was thoughtful enough to carve the adventurers symbol for “safe” on the tree, to let others know.

After that I just wanted to be out of this rain, out of the dark. And I was still hungry. Apples aren’t very filling.

There was a light!

Shining from the window of a tower at the opposite end of the clearing. I could not believe! And even better, the tower was covered in strong vines, miraculously free of moisture and easy to climb! With the prospect of a roof over my head, I had the strength to make my way up.

That fall from the window into the tower should definitely have broken a few bones.

This was no ordinary tower. It was magical. And whoever lived here was… well giant isn’t the right word. I’ve seen giants and they are about 40ft tall, this isn’t nearly big enough. I’ve heard stories of smaller varieties of giant but none from this continent. Perhaps some really large ogre lives here? But what ogre needs a magical workshop?

I should have maybe, maybe, just waited for whoever lived here to show up, because they weren’t around, and there was a freshly burning candle on the desk.

My hunger having been momentarily abated with apples and distracted by my curiosity, I climbed up on to the desk.

Wow! What treasures! Magical gizmos And whatchamacallits And doodads And doohickeys, And thingamabobs! I wanted to play with each to find out what they all did! And there were books! So many books and scrolls and bottles full of who knows what! I almost did, when I spotted the letter.

Whoever lived here must have left suddenly, for at the edge of the desk was a piece of parchment shiny with ink, and even though I could not read the writing, it was clearly an unfinished letter.

I tried to skim some of the books only most were in languages I couldn’t read. And they hurt my eyes.

It was time to continue my explorations. What I needed to find was a bed, or something suitable as a bed. And if I was lucky, something to eat and drink.

From my vantage point on the desk I could see an open trap door with a staircase leading down into the dark. There weren’t any other exits aside from the window so down I went.

Climbing down giant stairs is not fun. And I didn’t fancy having to climb back up. Hopefully I would find food and be recharged by then. Wow I was hungry.

Was that? That smell. Savory and meaty! Food! A doorway appeared on the wall of the stairwell, which led into a kitchen. There was no way I could prepare food here. Thankfully the table was set for dinner! And with the serving being so large, surely I could take some and it wouldn’t make a difference.

Ow!!! The soup, which had been luke warm, burned my mouth! I’d never eaten anything so spicy in my life! Ow ow ow!!! I reached into the goblet for handfuls of what I figured was water. But it wasn’t. Whatever it was it was sweet and bubbly, and it soothed the pain so I drank more.

No more soup for me, but there was a small, relative to the rest of the place, loaf of bread. A personal sized one. If said person was a few stories tall. It was as large as a bolder with a nearly rock hard crust to complete the illusion. I had to use my knife to carve into it.

The bread wasn’t spicy, it was full of raisins and nuts! Regular sized ones. Delicious! I ate my fill, and had more of the sweet drink before continuing my quest for a bed!

Woah!!! I almost fell off the table. I must’ve been really tired, the room is spinning a bit. But I was fine. I didn’t fall so I was fine! In fact I felt GREAT! I used the chair to get back to the floor and back to the staircase. No way was I getting up it. That way lead to the workshop, I only made it down one floor. So down I must go once more.

This time I found a living room. It was lit by a roaring fire in the hearth. There was a couch, an ottomon, and an armchair.

I tried to climb up onto the couch but it was too far off the ground. I used my grappling hook and it snagged the upholstery but as I tried to climb it just ripped down. I tried again with the same result except my hook got on a seam! It wasn’t far enough up so I left it there.

The armchair was the better bet, I should have inspected all of my options rather than just heading to the first thing i saw.

A large blanket was draped over the chair, tassels reaching the floor, and I was able to climb up. I couldn’t pull the blanket up to wrap myself in it, but beggars can’t be choosers. The Chair was very soft all things considered, though the fabric of it and blanket were rough, it was enough of a bed for someone as tired and small as I.

I promptly went to sleep.

—–

Fuck. That was. Not fun. Bruised and bleeding, he was looking forward to getting back home. At least the storm had passed and the early summer sun was rising. Well, he deserved to sleep a day and a night for this. And get a handsome paycheck. The king was damn lucky to have him at his beck and call! He had postponed dinner to finish writing a report when he got the call too! Now he would have to write a second report!

Finally he stepped over the stone path of his garden, careful not to slip as his shoes were covered in mud. At least he wasn’t tracking blood anymore. Not much at least.

What?

As he passed by his dancing sunflowers they bent towards him. They shouldn’t be active this early in the morning, even in summer. Was something wrong? Were they sick?

All their faces were turned in the same direction. He crouched down to their level (about 4 meters). Their attention was on the apple trees. That’s when he saw it.

One of the trees had been vandalized! Some sort of symbol carved into the trunk. He didn’t have a hope in finding the person, but he wrote down the symbol just the same. He needed to know what it meant. He didn’t want his tower being marked by some guild or cult.

Irritation pushed away some of his exhaustion as he Leapt up to snag the tower windowsill. His wounds stretched and blood trickled out again. He landed in his workshop with a muddy, bloody, thud. Maybe he could finish off the first report after all. Future him would thank him and-

The report was covered in footprints! The not yet dry ink had been tracked all over his desk! He held the now ruined report under the magnifying glass.

Human shaped.

A thief most likely. If they were so foolish as to still be around (and judging by the lingering scent of human, they were), they just won themselves a ticket down his throat. And if they were very lucky, because Yonah was now in quite a Mood™, it wouldn’t be one way.

It took a lot of focus to make his way silently down the stairs. He wanted to stomp and scream, to be monstrous, but that would give the thief warning. Give them a fighting chance. They did not deserve that chance.

Using his nose he followed the smell of the human to the kitchen. But he did not find them. Instead he found his now cold dinner.

Which the human had clearly helped themselves too! Did this person lack manners? Just, eating off of someone elses plate! Or rather, bowl? There were dried splashes of soup and mead all over the table, and his bread had little holes carved into it. What kind of person did that! Was this even a thief?

That didn’t really matter, he would eat them either way. He took a sip of the mead. Alcohol wasn’t what he needed, but it was what he wanted. Mmmm, it tasted better than he expected. It tasted like…

Had the human just stuck their HANDS INTO HIS CUP? He wasn’t grossed out. It’s not like he bothered to wash the humans when he swallowed them whole or anything. It was just so weird!

Tasted good though. It made him excited to eat the real deal.

Maybe a change of clothes first? And a bath? His current adornments were getting crusty and smelled horrible. So was he. The wounds had dried into the threads and pulled with every movement. Then again, he probably looked really scary. He couldn’t even imagine the state of his hair.

As he passed through the living room to the bedroom he had a strong urge to pass out on the couch and deal with all of his problems when he woke up. He caught himself unconsciously taking a few steps towards it.

That’s when the scent of the human caught his attention once more. And something else caught his eye.

Something was off about the couch. Inspecting it he found it had been torn! The stuffing spilling out and a small hook stuck in the fabric. First his report, then his bread, now his couch! This thief’s chances of survival were dwindling by the minute.

No time to change his clothes he was going to find the human before they wrecked anything else!

Oh. They were. right there. Sprawled out, halfway under the blanket on his armchair. Sleeping. As peacefully as one could be. Not for long. But he did not want to wake them just yet.

He sat down on the ottoman and leaned forward.

The human certainly looked like a thief. At least, she had adventuring gear. Not all adventurers were thieves but the ones who entered his tower were usually there to steal.

Her shining golden hair made of large curls was impeccably clean and fell across her face with perfect delicacy. Her golden-brown skin was free of blemishes, though her cheeks were flushed, the scent of alcohol lingering on her. She was beautifully innocent looking. And he was furious.

Was she not a thief? Thieves may be foolish but they didn’t break into his house to eat his food and drink until they passed out.

Then he spotted her knife and ink stained boots, about a meter from her head, tossed aside.

He took a deep breath, filling it with rage and fire.

—

Ouch! What was that! A blast of hot steam?

I woke up to find a very angry giant man in wondrously patterned robes standing over the bed, eyes angrily aglow. As my vision focused I saw that the robes were torn in several places and dreadfully bloodstained. So was the man, and he was still bleeding out of a few wounds, in particular a nasty gash on his left cheek and a black eye to go with it.

More hot breaths growled forth.

Well I am nothing if not polite. Even to grumpy people. I sat up, yawned, stretched a bit, and cheerfully greeted this giant man.

“Hello! I’m Zahhava Goldberg-Goldstein, adventurer extraordinaire! you call me Goldie! What’s your name?”

I held out my hand and smiled. No one can resist my smile.

—-

That’s all she had to say? He pushed the fire in his eyes to grow more intense. But she just continued to smile. Her huge golden eyes sparkling with irritating innocence.

“I don’t believe you’ve earned that information.” he growled and she blinked, “What the fuck are you doing in my tower?”

She considered for a moment, “Sleeping? Well I was sleeping. Boy does one get tired without a steed! I should really get one! And I call myself a hero! Wow You have really hot breath!”

Crossing his arms Yonah let out another snort of steam before he straightened up and leaned back.

“Do you always break into people’s houses?”

The human spoke with her whole body, wild motions that Yonah suspected some people had been in the line of fire of.

“I- there wasn’t a door or anything! Quite perplexing, but i’ve heard of towers like this before. Tricky stuff, but I’ve handled worse. Never met a vine I couldn’t climb, and the window was open!”

“Can I assume those are your footprints smeared across my report to the king?” It did not escape Yonah’s notice that she didn’t actually answer his question.

“Is that what that was? It was in a very strange language, it looked similar to dwarvish. Is that the language of this land? I must have crossed a boarder… I only ventured two days from town..”

Guess she didn’t read giant. Thankfully the king did, and let him write reports in his own language. And again… not actually an answer from this little, absent minded, egotistical, delectable, thief.

“Is this yours?” He held up the hook.

“Oh yes! Thanks so much for getting it loose! It was stuck something fierce wasn’t it!” She held out her hands but he only grinned, used the hook to pick his teeth and tossed it into his sleeve. Her smile wavered only briefly.

She still had not apologized.

“And you who poked little holes in my bread and drank my mead?” Yonah’s left eye twitched.

“I was hungry! After not a bite to eat for two days I Couldn’t believe I found such a bounty. Did you make that bread yourself it was incredible! The soup was way to spicy though, nearly burned my tongue off!”

Yonah raised an eyebrow. So not a thief? Just a poor lost soul? A bit of his anger subsided as a hint of pity grew within him.

“Before I got here I found this hill see, I was trying to get shelter from the rain. There was a small cave so I went in! But then… the Hill… it turned out to be made of bears! And- YIPE!”

—

Out of nowhere I was pinned under his right hand and smoke started billowing out of his hair; the roots of which sparked to life. We had just been talking! Having a nice conversation, what could have prompted this change?!

His face loomed over me, smiling. Not a kind smile either. Why was he smiling? He was clearly mad! Oh what had I done?

Now scalding spittle joined the breath as he shouted at me.

“IT WAS YOU!”

I didn’t respond. I couldn’t! He was crushing the air out of me and I struggled my hardest to get his hand off.

“YOU’RE THE REASON I WAS CALLED AWAY FROM MY DINNER TO PACIFY TALLEKS! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET THEM TO GO BACK TO SLEEP?”

“N-no-“ I coughed, my only reward was a lungful of the hot breath.

“Ooohhhohoh I’m going to enjoy eating you!” he laughed. The unmistakable laugh of -

A villain.

This was a villain’s lair! Stupid stupid!!! Of course! The tower! The vines! The mysterious Workshop filled with bubbling noxious things in jars! The sweet, perfectly trimmed goatee this giant man had! It all added up, but all too late.

My heart stopped. Not literally but it sure felt like it. DID HE SAY ‘EAT ME’?

The hand lifted slightly and I took painful breathes.

But Before I could do anything to save myself the fingers curled around my back and I was Brought to his face. His grin stretched ear to ear and he drew his tongue over his lips.

Using the breath I managed to get, I tried my best to reason with him.

“PLEASE DONT EAT ME! I DONT WANT TO DIE!”

—-

No. Of course she doesn’t. But beaten up and oh so hungry, Yonah was not in a merciful mood.

Why should he let her live? This idiot humans had no respect for other people! She disturbed ancient spirits and felt no remorse! In fact she was acting as if she did nothing wrong!

He was done talking to her. Lowering her from eye level he pressed her onto his tongue and licked her bodily. She shrieked as she was covered in his near boiling slobber.

She tasted very very good. Her tears adding to her already savory flavor. He shoved her torso into his mouth and closed his lips around her.

The blood thundering in his ears drowned out her shrill cries, and after a few more seconds of enjoying her flavor he tipped his head back and swallowed her down.

Alive.

Yonah didn’t know why, but he decided against killing her. For all she had done… as thoughtless and worthless of a person as she clearly was, she had made no attempts on his life. She was just completely oblivious, and tactless. Not an execution worthy crime. Though… he had come very close. He almost snapped her neck when he held her in his hand. And again, almost bit down to do the same between his teeth. It would have been quick, bloodless, painless.

Neither times he did he take the opportunity. And as the struggling mass filled his stomach he wasn’t about to make her suffer a slow painful death as his meal. That was never something he could do, no matter how angry.

/Of course/ he thought, a wicked grin growing on his face as pat his stomach, making her scream and scramble /she didn’t know any of this/.

—

I don’t know why I continued to scream as I was crammed into the Giant’s mouth, he wasn’t listening to me at all! He was true to his word, he was going to eat me! Oh right it was because it was painful!!! Everything around me burned and I was pushed against the teeth, though the grace of a god who I could not name, I was not bitten.

Not yet.

In hindsight I should have started saying my prayers much earlier. Surely he was much too small to swallow me whole and was going to bite my head off or something. Or maybe my waist? He sealed me inside his mouth, letting my legs dangle out. The tongue was still active and shoving me into the hard teeth.

The end was surely near!

Gravity shifted and I slid down to the back of his throat! As my arms and head were pulled into the tight passage of flesh my legs were sucked into his mouth. I kicked as best I could but all I got were triumphant chuckles as my legs met his enthusiastic tongue.

Powerful rolling muscles shoved drew me down again and again! As my legs were pulled into the restricting tunnel my outstretched arms passed through a tight ring of flesh. Then my head escaped the esophagus. I took a breath and choked on the humid vomit smelling air.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I didn’t stop screaming as the rest of my body was squished into the stomach. I didn’t stop as my face was pressed into the bottom, where a small pool of fluids was gathering! NOT GOOD! I did not stop as I hurriedly I rolled around to get my head away from the digestive juices.

There was still air. Not the most breathable, but it was air. How long it would last?

And it was even hotter in here, in the belly of the beast. I swear the pool of liquid boiled. I was thrown about, squished and shoved, as the giant laughed and laughed at my impending demise.

And it must be soon. For we are back where we started!

Me.

Eaten by a giant wizard.

And judging by the pounding on my left side, a disgustingly pleased giant wizard. I knew there was evil in the world. But it is really disheartening to know there were those so cruel that they relished in the death of others. And I was so powerless against him! I hadn’t even a sliver of a fighting chance.

I couldn’t tell if it was sweat or his stomach fluids flowing down my face, it all burned the same. It was like a boiling sulfur pool. The worst sauna ever.

ACk! Some of the fluid got in MY MOUTH!!! And the fluid level is… it’s rising. It was at my ankles when I began telling you my tale but now it halfway up my calves, and i’ve got my knees to my chest so… it’s getting worrisome. I’m done screaming. It’s not worth it. I’m sure I’ll start again once my flesh starts literally being eaten away, but for now…

“Hey!” the voice of the giant hit my already pounding ears like a mallet. Oh gods. He was gonna talk to me as I died! Did he have no respect for his meals!? Or was this respectful in his culture… I doubted that.

“Have any last words?” the chuckle shook and swirled around me.

Last words. Did I have any? Were they worth it? Just for him to hear. He knew my name but I couldn’t imagine him seeking out my friends and family. Especially since I don’t have any. Did I want the last meaningful thing I say to be for my killer’s ears only? I kinda wanted to say SOMETHING. Through sobs I managed:

“Like- like what?” before realizing that asking him for suggestions wasn’t smart. There was a forceful pushing on my left side.

The prodding became more forceful. Helping his stomach soften me up I guess.

“Are you really THAT Dense?” his evil laughter making the offensive fluids splash my face. I would NOT show any sign of pain. Not yet. But it still hurt. Everything stung and burned like I had waded into a boiling salt sea with a million paper cuts.

“You break into my house! Fuck up my report, tracking ink all over my desk!! Carve little holes into my freshly baked bread and splashing mead and soup everywhere! Rip up the upholstery on my couch! And not to mention you Disturbed the ancient forest spirits which I HAD TO DEAL WITH! ”

“But, I didn’t realize, I didn’t mean to-” I was just trying to survive the storm! It’s not my fault. Right? RIGHT!? But. I would be angry too. If I had written a letter to my mom and someone got grubby food covered hands on it. I would be quite mad! If I had made myself a nice meal and some kid picked at pieces of it, even small ones, I would be furious! I would be beyond outraged if hmmm if some idiot accidentally summoned a demon which I had to banish and said idiot didn’t thank me or admit to their mistake… Oh. I’m the idiot. I’m the assole.

“Yes, you are an asshole. Glad you finally figured that out. I was getting worried.”

Fuck did I say that out loud? My mind must be on its way out. It is getting difficult to breathe. Wait? Why did he care? What was going on?

—

Man it would have just been a cherry on top of his horrible day if he released his victim without her learning her lesson. Otherwise it would have felt like a terrible deed to unleash her back onto the world. But he wasn’t about to keep her captive. His place would be a pile of rubble in a week if she even so much as looked at his magical artifacts.

You see, he’d heard of entities such as her…

The Heedless.

Wreckers.

Agents of Chaos And Entropy.

She was clearly still developing. There was still time. Not to stop her, just minimize her catastrophes. And getting her to access her Hindsight was a step in the right direction. Now he just needed to send her to someone to unlock her Foresight. But he couldn’t think about that right now.

As he pulled her unconscious form out of his throat he saw her golden skin was now tinged red and blistering in places. He frowned; he didn’t think that he’d pushed the time limit for “unharmed” with Goldie. It had only been a few minutes.

Mucus, spit, and stomach fluids hit the counter top with a loud TSSSS; steam rose.

Ah. Those weren’t acid burns, they were… regular burns. He had been so mad, he couldn’t even begin to imagine what his internal temperature was.

He immediately dumped her body into the half full sink, while he continued to spit up more fluids. Gross. Along with the painful effort involved was almost enough to make him question why he let them live through him. Ok not really. He might have embraced being a monster, but not that much. He was still a person. And so were his victims.

He made sure to keep her head above the water, she was still breathing. She had been awake up until he spat her out. His best guess was she passed out from screaming so much. He held her gently and let cool cleansing water flow around her.

A few moments later she gasped and sat up. Then dived towards the running faucet, she had to get the fluids off of her face. And the waterfall was more forceful than the continuously draining pool.

—

My skin and body ached. I think this is what it feels like to be boiled alive. The ever flowing water kept the heat at bay. All I could do was close my eyes and sit there.

Eventually I opened them, through the water I saw the distorted face of the giant. Still angry. Still bloodied. Still… I was on the outside of his body again! I just wasn’t sure why.

“You can’t stay there forever” the voice of the giant came through the water.

I leaned forward just so my lips breached, “yes, I can.”

The giant’s face came close to me once more and I screamed. But back under water nothing but bubbles came out.

“No. You can’t. This is MY house, so if you stay you will become MY food. Got it?”

I fell over, cowering under his gaze, “You’re going to eat me again!” And huddled up as best I could but I’m no turtle.

“If you dont get the FUCK out of here, yes.” he bellowed, eyes glowing again. “I’m feeling generous, as well as stupid, so I didn’t kill you. Do not push your luck.”

He picked me up! Didn’t even warm me! Rude! But I didn’t dare scream or struggle lest he lose his temper with me. And he wasn’t being gentle, his calloused fingers brushing over my burns, squeezing my sides surely bruising something!

Of course it was better than being eaten! Better than being dead! Not that much, as I was shaken and swung about!

By the time I dared open my eyes we were back in the workshop. And I was dropped on the windowsill, the cool stone just barely won over the rough texture.

“Now,” his face was my entire sky, eyes two burning suns while his hands on either side. I could run, I could leave the tower. But I didn’t think he would approve.

“What do you have to say for yourself?”

Say? What could I say? I’d said everything! right? RIGHT? ...!

“I’m sorry!” I squeaked.

“What Was that? Tasty one?” A drop of hot spit landed next to my face.

“IM SORRY!”

His smile became a crescent moon before he picked me up and set me on my feet.

“There’s hope for you after all,” he said.

—

A part of him, and not a small part, felt a bit bad for what he was about to do. And there wasn’t time or opportunity to get it approved so he might get reprimanded. Plus it might mean he would have to see her again. But it was the only way. Ok, maybe not the only way, but the quickest way, and the sooner the better with Heedless Wreckers.

“For your transgressions I should have killed you, or at the very least made you work to repay the damage,” he tried to look thoughtful.

Goldie inched ever so slightly to the edge of the windowsill. Yonah flicked his eyes and tapped a finger so she knew he’d noticed. She gave him a guilty smile, but made no more motions to flee. Hopefully she was paying attention. This was a bit involved and Heedless Wreckers weren’t known for being able to handle complex tasks.

“Instead I’m giving you a quest!”

—

Out of all the things I anticipated him saying, “I’m giving you a quest” was not one of them.

No one ever gave me quests. I’ve always had to find my own. They were never as glorious as I wished. For some reason I’ve always had to give up most of my reward money or loot for “damages” or whatever. So unfair.

Fuck I needed to pay attention! If I failed he would surely eat me. And kill me this time!

“I’m in need of some hard to get spell components, including the missing piece of the spell itself. Fortunately they can all be found in th capital city. From Fowl Business Apothecary i require powdered hens teeth, 5 grams filtered through dried Red Fanged Weaver webs. I need some of those webs too, fresh.”

Oh gods this was a lot already and it was the first item!!!

“At least 6 pieces of Prickly Pear Fruit and the crystallized thorns from those pieces! Keep track of whose quills belong to who! I believe Midbar’s Emporium will have them in stock, if not they can point you to and imports market, make sure to get pears attached to the leaf, I’ll just have to crystallize the quills myself.”

What? Prickly pear? Quills? Oh he means desert candy!

“Petrified Snail Skulls, pilfered woodlouse hats, and Bottled Pygmy Goat laughter from Pixilious Proprieties.”

He stopped and considered, “you won’t have a problem with riddle solving right? Pix doesn’t let anyone into their shop without answering a riddle. Powers their magic I think. And while you can then make purchases, they will generously discount items for each additional riddle answered”

I dearly wished I could write all this down! I would never remember it. But I had no paper! No pen! No parchment or ink! And even if I did, I’m still damp.

The giant stroked its goatee.

“I should really write all this down,” he mumbled, and walked over to his desk, rummaging through the drawers, which I thought odd since it was just paper and ink right?

Then a thought struck me… I could.. Run. Right now. While his back was turned. No quest! No problems! Running is one of my special talents, it has saved me many times. This might be my only chance. But I didn’t, which was definitely the right choice as the evil giant came back, snatched me off the window sill and placed me on the desk as he finished gathering supplies.

I refrained from mentioning that I couldn’t carry a giant sized list. At least he wrote in a language I could read. Repeating each line as he wrote them; very considerate.

“Oh!” he said halfway through, “There are some more common components I’m running low on, if you can’t find them all don’t stress about it.”

His new calm, almost friendly attitude was freaking me out! Speaking as if I was his regular delivery boy, and not someone he was inclined to eat for dinner just 15 minutes prior!

“Make sure you visit The King’s Treasury first, I’ll notify them of your visit. You need a Treasury Seal to purchase things, as you won’t have the coin with you, and the merchants don’t know you and thus wouldn’t be inclined to sell you some of the rarer items even if you did. Not without considerable mark-up.”

The treasury!?

“And finally,” he looked down at me. There was more than a glint of hunger in those eyes.

“The Library. You will be heading to the Mystical Archives, they will be expecting you, but tell them your name and that you are in search of the following items: First, 27th page of the 12th book on the 3rd shelf of the nearest bookcase right of the door to the section on hyper-natural phenomenon”

“Why-?” but he narrowed his eyes. Yep. not going to question it.

“And a copy of A Nation of Ash Volume 5: Compendium of the Historical and All Too True Sorcery of the Kingdom of AniDeva in the 4th Era Following The Pheonix Storm With A Thorough Index of Relevant Spells and Enchantments By Omexaryl Othar Odelis, Grand Magister of the Realm (3rd Edition)”

Was that even a real book?

It suddenly occurred to me this could be a wild cockatrice chase.

The list was complete, and he blew on it with breath that shivered in the air, drying it instantly.

Then he folded it up, his eyes flashing orange every time he pressed in a crease. I just stood there as it got smaller and smaller until I could easily fit it in my bag.

“Don’t open the list indoors,” he said, handing it to me. I took it without thinking. “It’s not shrunken. It will fold back up itself.”

The trip back to the windowsill was only a few seconds and he did carry me. It wasn’t so bad now that he wasn’t playing the villain. He still didn’t like me, and I couldn’t blame him. We definitely got off on the wrong foot. Mostly my fault. But he did eat me…

That’s all in the past. I was ready to get on with my quest. Even if it was just shopping.

“If I may ask something, Sir-“

“Mr HaEsh” an eye twitched but didn’t flare. He hadn’t given me his name beforehand after all.

“Mr… Ha-Esh” … his name was ‘The Fire’, a bit on the nose.

“Where is the capital from here?”

My hair dried as he heaved a sigh right at my face.

“I couldn’t tell you. No, I really can’t. Just keep walking until out of the forest. Ask someone for a map or directions at the first town you come to.”

Before setting off, he gave me a satchel of provisions. I took this as a sign that he actually wanted me to succeed in my mission.

I thanked him for this chance and he just grunted. But the corners of his mouth twitched upwards slightly.

If I wasn’t on a quest I would have lingered in the garden! In the daylight it was incredible. I wanted to smell every flower, caress every leaf! Not the time.

I ran off.

—-

Finally he could breathe easy. And hope she didn’t burn down the woods on her way out. That… shouldn’t happen. The Mystic Woods was too powerful for even a developed Heedless Wrecker. It was more likely to hasten her exit, at least make that part of her quest uneventful.

Yonah would have loved to go downstairs, reheat his dinner, even drink the certainly flat mead, take a bath, dress his still aching wounds, and sleep all the rest of the day. And he would. But there were a few things to take care of.

Mainly one thing.

He returned to his desk and touched the filigree frame of the mirror and spoke.

“Please put me through to an Operator of His Majesty King Benyamin of Orr, on the request of His Royal Mage, Yonah HaEsh, designation phey-tef-dal-memi-gamil-gamil ” it was long but at least he didn’t have to make up a stupid rhyme. And Yet, if one didn’t say “please” it wouldn’t work at all. Mirrors.

It took a minute for someone to answer, but finally the familiar face of Nava Holtz materialized. Skin almost as dark as warm night night sky, and long black braids ornamented with gold and silver.

She had been an Apprentice Op when Yonah was first hired, assigned to him because none of the more senior Ops wanted to deal with the evil giant firewitch who, as far as the administration was concerned, was more trouble than he was worth. Working well with him earned her some fast promotions and Over the years he’d proven himself. Ops were less rude to his face at the very least. Nava was still his favorite, she had been so patient and kind with his adjusting to his new position.

Which is why he wished someone else had answered, he didn’t want her to deal with this bullshit. Of course, he could think of no one better.

“Yonah! It’s good to see you, oh my word” she gasped, “I heard you had to wrangle talleks.”

Actually, he was glad it was Nava, he didn’t feel up to polite formalities.

She had not failed to notice his sorry state.

“Oh, yes! Um… I’ll have the report later, you can let Marni know I got them to settle down. It wasn’t easy,”

“No, I can see that,” she said, her genuine concern was much appreciated.

In his full report he would mention how they resisted magical restrained, requiring him to physically wrestle them. With diamond claws and fangs, and jagged rocks sticking out of their fur, he was thankful to have only suffered lacerations and bruises. Once they calmed down, and thank fuck they spoke dwarvish (an ancient dialect, but it was sufficient), he burned some inscence and played a flute and off to slumberland they went.

One of them, the youngest, but the largest, wanted to remain awake. And the sleeping ritual only worked on bears who wanted it to. That would be interesting. And he should tell The King, but that wasn’t why he called. For now it sat by its parents, keeping vigil.

“I figured out who woke them,” he said, Nava’s eyes went wide, “and you’re not going to like it…”

He explained about the girl.

“Are you sure she’s Heedless?”

“Yes, I could smell it on her,”

“So if you unlocked Hindsight then…” he could practically hear her heart plummet to the floor.

“You didnt!”

Yonah grimaced, “I did… she’ll be at the treasury in a few days. The tasks I set her should help her think things through. It was a long list, she can’t wing it. And some of the items require special transport methods. She’ll have to plan. I copied the instructions I gave her, I’ll send them over. I trust you can contact the necessary guilds?”

Nava sighed, “Yes, of course. And you did the right thing. It’s just going to be a lot of paperwork.” In fact she was already writing as they spoke.

“The last thing she’ll be doing is a library quest. Two actually. Standard and Precision Exploratory. Can you put me through to Archivist Ahava?”

Nava stopped writing, “Don’t they hate you?”

“Yes,” exactly.

Nava smiled, “So you want them to deal with this. Fun. They are the best brownie for the job. Just don’t give them any grief.”

“I’ll try. And thanks, I’ll call again soon,” he smiled.

“Transferring call,” she said, smiling back, as she fiddled with her mirror set up.

The mirror swirled And went iridescent before resolving into shelves of book! Directly in view of a pile of that rose from largest to smallest.

“Oh me oh my this had better be good! I was in the middle of some important business, very important indeed!” the squeaky yet harsh voice belonged to a stout brownie with light grey-brown skin, straw like hair nearly bursting from its bun, and 4 jewel-like eyes. On their body they wore a fancy, flowing, but rather plain colored suit. And on their face they wore a scowl.

“/Yonah/,” Ahava never refused to be formal with him, and not out of familiarity. They climbed up the stack of books to sit facing the mirror.

“Ahava,”

Their lower left eye twitched as he too addressed them informally. He really shouldn’t, they were higher ranked… one of the highest ranked, Royal Mages.

“Fortune has once again done the disservice of connecting us so make it snappy, I have work to do! And what is the meaning of calling me looking like something a dragon chewed up and out”

Yonah grinned and Ahava’s scowl deepened, “Couldn’t be helped, I was wrestling Talleks. And don’t lie to me, I know for a fact you take tea at this time, for an hour.”

Two eyes narrowed and two eyes widened, their long fingers curled and uncurled.

“But I’ll get to the point. I encountered a Heedless Wrecker today, who needs to be taught the use of Foresight. I’ve sent her on a quest, and it includes the library,”

He explained to the increasingly annoyed Archivist, who was turning an amusing shade of blue.

“I cannot sign off on sending a Heedless into the catacombs! No way no how! There is not a single archivist trained to handle such things!”

Yonah raised his brows and blinked a smile.

“No no no! Out of the question! I will turn her away, yes I will! See if I don’t!”

“But I really do need that book. Otherwise I’ll have to come myself.”

That earned him a glare from all four eyes. Yonah could see the gears turning in their head. Thanks to his status as a dangerous magical entity, he had to be under escort when visiting The Archive. The King required Ahava to be that escort. It was either him or Goldie.

“I gave her a list of items to get for me, several of them are actually for her use in the catacombs’ challenges.”

All but one of the eyes closed as Ahava crossed their arms, taking deep breaths.

“Fine, I’ll do it. I got nothing better to do, and it’s been a while since I went on an adventure. Now, I must get back to my tea. Yes I must”

They disconnected without another word.

It would take at least a few days for Goldie to reach the capital. He had time to take a bath, eat, and change into a soft nightgown before using the Magic Pantry to send the quest details to Nava.

Along with a loaf of bread small enough to share with the entire Ops Team.

[FIN]

[Thanks for reading! please reblog/message me with feedback! for more mystic woods go to vore-scientist.tumblr.com/tagged/+mystic+woods+story or search ‘mystic woods story’ on my blog! For thief stories only search “MW Thieves”]

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