#HALLELUJAH THAT HORRIBLE ANIMAL'S GONNA BE OUT OF HERE!!!

[kihaku-gato]

I was given the best news I've had related to the cattle for this year this morning

Grumpy the bull, hit his final 2 strikes this weekend; that prick of a bull is having his shipping/retirement this thursday!!!

[tearlessrain]

Well, here it is. Death Note, the movie that broke me. I called it quits less than halfway through, don’t watch this movie it’s awful and painful and not in a funny or enjoyable way.

Witness a half hour’s worth of my steadily increasing rage and disgust under the cut.

It takes place in Seattle. Oh boy.

This... this is some kind of coming of age high school movie. There’s nothing to suggest that isn’t the case. It’s just been mellow pop music to slow motion footage of cheerleaders, football players, and milling high school students for like a solid minute

They are establishing the hell out of this setting

Oh there’s the intro, finally

It’s raining death notes. and rain. hallelujah.

Netflix is really proud of the fact that they can say “fuck” as much as they want

Dear god, I hate Light Turner already. He’s the combined life force of every pretentious teenage redditor who thinks being mildly bookish makes him some kind of elevated human being, combined with emo Peter Parker from Spiderman 3. I hate him. 

Like seriously Light Yagami is a pretentious little turd at times yes but he stays at least mildly likeable and is portrayed as a responsible and studious person who’s going places. Turner here is first shown accepting money to do some jock’s homework for him, then immediately walking into a fight, being a little shit to impress a cheerleader, and getting his face punched in. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.

The producers of this have missed the point worse than the journalist from Interview With the Vampire. Turner is now in trouble for the homework thing and the fight and is continuing to be a little shit to the teacher and got detention for cheating. They’re going out of their way to make his life miserable and make him some kind of tRoUbLeD pRoTaGoNiSt

THEY’RE TRYING TO MAKE THIS A REVENGE THING AND IT’S NOT. THE WHOLE POINT IS THAT HE STARTED WITH EVERYTHING AND WAS CORRUPTED BY POWER. THEY ARE MISSING THE POINT. I’M SO MAD

ooh I think Ryuuk is coming let’s see how bad they fucked him up

Turner is now screaming and running from Ryuuk like the narrative ran from the entire point of his character, again disgracing the legacy of his namesake

he’s. he’s using the death note to kill the bully that punched him and bullied the cheerleader. LIGHT WOULDN’T DO THAT HIS WHOLE THING WAS MAKING A BETTER WORLD AND ONLY. TARGETING. CRIMINALS. and I don’t even blame the bully in this case, I want to punch this guy too.

oh ew. they’re going for the gratuitous gore shock value to make up for the lack of substance. I hate gore it’s genuinely my least favorite thing in movies. I can do psychological horror all day, I can do nudity, I can do tasteless sex scenes in a pinch, I can do pretty serious torture if it’s not shown via physical horror, but once heads start getting torn in half by ladders in close up slow motion I am out like the bulb in my nightstand lamp. I gotta replace that thing tomorrow. anyway.

guys I sat through all 47 minutes of Alpha and Omega: Dino Digs but I don’t know if I can sit through this. this may be the one that finally defeats me. It’s not really bad in a way that’s fun at all I’m just getting increasingly mad at it and now I’m dreading whatever gruesome death I have to watch next.

at least they gave Ryuuk his damn apples.

oh he finally killed a criminal. it was gross. because shock value is all they have.

OH GOD HE’S TELLING THE CHEERLEADER ABOUT THE DEATH NOTE IT’S GETTING WORSE HOW IS IT GETTING WORSE

I’ve learned my lesson I’m just not watching the deaths now

where will the plot even go from here. some random cheerleader he had a crush on already knows he’s kira he just up and told her. Turner is a dumbass.

they are both horrible people and their forced, pretentious, stilted romance punctuated by gory deaths of blood explosion disgusts me. I literally find russingon more palatable than this romance.

“KIRA. IT MEANS LIGHT IN RUSSIAN AND CELTIC.” THAT IS WHAT THEY WENT WITH. LIGHT NAMED HIMSELF THAT BECAUSE IT LITERALLY MEANS HIS NAME BECAUSE HE’S A FUCKING IDIOT.

I can’t. I just. I can’t do this

come on tearless just hold out for L do it for L

L IS HERE and... he’s... a black guy in a hoodle who speaks japanese?

okay why not this is easily the least horrible thing I’ve seen in the past thirty minutes

they felt the need to do some halfassed science exposition to explain L’s sugar thing which, again, why. just let L be L, questioning why takes all the joy out of it.

he can’t be arsed to disguise his voice but that’s probably fine because in this version kira is a complete idiot

“what would you do if I was your girlfriend and somebody fucked me” “oh I’d kill ‘em” OUR HERO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

well, they completely changed his design but they managed to not butcher L as a character. good job guys gold star for you.

oh my gosh turner. you colossal idiot. “so who was that guy hiding his face? wow, so you don’t even know his real name?” real subtle genious boy, if that had been anyone but your dad you might as well have turned yourself in

they’re trying to make turner more likeable by making his cheerleader girlfriend have all the negative god complex qualities and making him all noble but it doesn’t work because he’s just really freaking obnoxious

fuck. I’m not even halfway through the movie. fuck.

and now Ryuuk is taking control and killing FBI agents and suggesting he take back the death note because they’ll take any excuse to desperately keep Light the good guy and salvage the profoundly unlikeable character they created at the start of the movie

his girlfriend is goading him into killing his dad with some bullshit argument

fuck this I’m done. I’m tapping out. I give up. I can’t do it, this is the least fun I’ve had watching a movie since cloud atlas. I think it’s actually worse than cloud atlas and I HATED cloud atlas. I am defeated.

you win this time, american film industry. you win.

I’m gonna go watch an episode of the anime to cleanse my soul.

undefined

[ask-sidekick-number-one]

SWEEPO HEADCANON MASTERPOST

~swirlswift -ask-sidekick-number-one •asks

~”Who wants to see me throw my boyfriend?” Is a common question. ~Swirl is uneasy around Robbie, partially due to the fact he listens in on their conversations. ~”I know you said no more animals but I found this raccoon and he’s so cute!” ~Once a month Swirl just randomly leaves for a few days in a row and doesn’t respond to Peepo’s texts, he panics the entire time and when she get’s back she offers no excuse as to where she was. ~-kicking down the door- ”PEEPO I JUST SHAVED MY LEGS, FEEL THEM!” ~Sometimes Swirl is so much like a cat it’s not even funny. She falls asleep in patches of sun, one second she’ll be cuddly as Hell and the next she’ll be hissing at you, and Peepo know’s that if he pets her hair she will purr. ~”STOP GRABBING MY ASS I AM TRYING TO SLEEP…SOCK!” ~Once they were making out and Swirl just pulled away and whispered, “Waluigi and Hallelujah have the exact same syllables.” ~Swirl changes his phone wallpaper any chance she gets, and it’s always related to Shrek the Musical. ~Peepo once woke up to find Swirl staring at him. Since then he’s slept with his back to her. ~”Did you just quote Sharknado while I’m trying to be romantic?” ~Peepo is taller and he teases Swirl for it. ~ Peepo -as he’s slowly turning around-: What do you mean you accidentally set the toilet on fire? ~Swirl -as she’s slowly turning around-What do you mean I have to stop wearing your clothes…just wear the Foxy Grandpa shirt I gave you! ~”…” “…” “…” “…” “…You already know what I’m going to say.” “…” “…” “…Do I?” “STOP SENDING MY BOSS PICTURES OF RANDOM PEOPLES BUTTS, IT’S NOT OKAY!” ~Swirl finds cute blankets with like pictures of the Lion King or something and just puts them on the bed. Peepo just learns to fold them onto her if he doesn’t want to be sweating all night. ~ Swirl once sat on the bed and stared at Peepo with a horrified expression on her face for three hours straight while he worked on stuff, he now sprays her with a water bottle if he ever catches her staring for more than five minutes. ~ “Can I sit here and die?” “Wanna hug?” “…Yes…” “TEDDY!” “NO!” ~ “Shhhut up.” “DO NOT TELL THE POLICE TO SHUT UP!” ~ “I love you.” “I’M KINKSHAMING YOU!” ~ Peepo once kicked Swirl off the bed because he walked in the room one night while she was sleeping and she farted for exactly 46 seconds. He Febreezed that shit. ~Peepo never meets her real dad (Subject to change?) ~ Swirl isn’t her real name ~ They were in Team Aqua at the same time, but she didn’t use the same name and she had a Vapereon named Puddles. ~ Peepo: -SCREAMING THE ENTIRE HAMILTON SOUNDTRACK AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS WHILE SWIRL REFUSES TO TAKE OFF HIS SHIRT AND STOP BULLYING ROBBIE, NOT SINGING, SCREAMING- ~ “…Please?” “No.” “Please?” “NO.” “Pretty please with sprinkles on top?” “YOU ARE NOT FILLING ROBBIES LAIR WITH COPIES OF SHREK!” ~ If Peepo ever loses Swirl in a crowd he plays the Kim Possible theme and she comes running. If she ever loses him, she plays the Sonic colors theme and he takes off at the speed of sound. ~Swirl unironically wears Christmas shirts on days other than Christmas, Peepo teases her for it constantly. ~Swirl takes Peepo’s clothes and wears them around, he doesn’t mind this as long as she doesn’t mess them up. ~Peepo always lets her dye his hair, and she always lets him dye hers. ~Sock eventually gets used to Peepo and doesn’t throw him around as much. ~Cuddling is one of their favorite pass times. ~Swirl is capable of throwing Peepo, she will exercise this ability whenever the opportunity arises. ~At least once a week they have to deal with the other grunts playing the Titanic song on a Slide Whistle. ~”NO SWIRL!” Is a common phrase ~Swirl never wakes up without her hair in her face -Despite being taller, when they cuddle, Peepo is the little spoon. This is due to him sleeping very curled up. -‘Pikachu’ eventually starts to view Swirl as a mom, the same way he views Peepo as a dad. -‘Pikachu’ requires the occasional Swirl cuddle as a result. -The reason Gandalf only listens to Peepo is because their psyches are linked with a strong emotional bond. Eventually, due to Peepo and Swirl forming a second emotional bond, he is tangentially linked to Swirl and listens to her. -Peepo wants very badly to call Swirl ‘Swirly’ but is worried she’d get upset. -Over time, when Swirl suggests murder, Peepo’s response shifts from “NO!” to “There she goes again. -Peepo loves to sing and will sometimes sing love songs he likes to Swirl. -Swirl comes home one day and finds Peepo crying. She asks what’s wrong, and after that they have fights over if he’s allowed to have ‘It’s Quiet Uptown’ on his phone or not. -Peepo naruto runs all over the place. Every single time he does so Swirl threatens to break up with him. -Robbie is absolutely disgusted when they show affection but he and Sport kiss in front of Peepo all the time. -Peepo tries to explain that this is a double standard, but Robbie fails to understand. -One time Peepo comes home with a bag full of Sonic shirts. His only explanation is “I like video games.” -Swirl tries to say “Other games exist.” and he responds “I know.” -They use memes to show their love. -Peepo finds an injured Pyukumuku and tries to nurse it back to health without Swirl finding out. -When she does, she doesn’t talk to him for like a week. -Swirl tries to prank him for the first week of April instead of just the first day and he cries because the second is his birthday. -Peepo tries to lay down the law and stop her pranking Robbie. She just has to do puppy dog eyes, though, and he breaks. -Despite always saying he’s fine after getting hurt, he’s super fragile. He just doesn’t want to worry Swirl. -She worries anyways -He makes her soup when she gets sick. It’s completely homemade. -She makes him soup when he gets sick. It’s from a can. •Peepo will kill a guy if they start flirting with Swirl. •Swirl is oblivious to other guys flirting with her, Peepo constantly tries explaining it to her and in the end keeps a hand on her waist when other guys talk to her. If anyone still tries to flirt they catch those hands. •Swirl is super skinny because she’s always moving around and keeping busy and energetic because she eats so much sugar. Peepo has to make sure she doesn’t fall asleep anywhere because she’s lazy at times. Sometimes when she sleeps she talks and he can have little conversations with her and call her nicknames and such. •whenever the other has nightmares, swirl or peepo whispers things absently in their ear in an effort to help before waking them up.

Pokeparenting- ~Swirl spends two hours a day everyday with one Pokemon throughout the week, bonding with them. ~Peepo isn’t thrown around as much by Sock, but he’s hugged twice as much by Teddy. ~Swirl caught Peepo calling himself daddy once when talking to his Pokemon, so from now on when the Pokemon act up she tells them to go see their father. ~Sock and ‘Pikachu’ tend to clash heads, but it’s often Sock who starts them and Cedric to end them. ~Swirl calls Cedric Handsome boy, Gandalf Smart Boy, and ‘Pikachu’ Precious Boy. -Peepo does his best to train Sock, but Sock never listens. He always believes in him, though.
-‘Pikachu’ will ride on either of their heads.
-Gandalf will babysit the Pokémon if necessary, he is the smartest and strongest. Cedric helps.
-Sock stops getting mad when people say Pikachu because it’s said so often.
-Angel and Snowslash will fight about who’s more elegant.

Actual Parenting- ~Peepo is so confused sometimes it’s not even funny, he once mistook baby formula for vinegar and it was horrible. ~The kid likes to climb in their parents bed, Peepo and Swirl just sorta go with it. ~Swirl dresses her kids in clothes from either gender, which confuses others when it comes to what gender the baby actually is. ~“It’s okay baby, mommy cries when her bottle’s empty too.” ~“I’m gonna kill Stacey from the PDA, SHE SAID MY BROWNIES WERE STORE BROUGHT! I SPENT HOURS AND LOTS OF MONEY BUYING THE WEED TO MAKE THOSE BROWNIES!” “Swirl, sweetie, stop screaming I just put the bab- YOU PUT WEED IN THE PDA MEETING BROWNIES?” ~Family Movie Nights commonly end with everybody falling asleep in front of the TV. ~“No you can not Lion King the baby.” ~“STOP LEAVING THE BABIES AT ROBBIES!” -They have 2 kids, a boy and a girl. 
-Peepo does his best, but he didn’t have actual parents for most of his life and doesn’t really know what he’s doing. 
-One of the kids comes home and says he’s being bullied and Swirl just says “kill them” 
-Sock doesn’t throw the kids, he knows he will be locked up in a kennel 
-Cedric and Teddy love to play with the kids

[thejpfdude-blog]

Midpoint Impressions of the Spring 2017 Season

Yes, it’s already the halfway point of the season! I meant to put this out as an initial impressions post but my finals studying got intense and I didn’t have time to write a post. But now that my finals are done (HALLELUJAH), I have time to actually watch anime without feeling guilty. And so this post is here. So yeah, let’s start off with a good ol’ rankings:

Rankings:

1. Boku no Hero Academia 2nd Season (8.5/10)

2. Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata ♭ (8/10)

3. Sakura Quest (7/10)

4. Tsuki ga Kirei (7/10)

5. Aggressive Retsuko (6/10)

6. Nobunaga no Shinobi S2 (5/10)

Awards:

Best Anime: Boku no Hero Academia 2nd Season (HM: Saekano ♭)

Out of all of the shows from this season I’m watching, this is the clear choice for the best one. It’s just: hype. That’s it, but it’s so much fun watching it and really, that’s what I want in an anime. Something that entertains me, makes me want more. Saekano has been entertaining so far too, but there are times I’m a bit irked (like the excessive Utaha moments). I’m hoping there’s more fun action-y stuff and less of the “I will become the strongest of all of you” spiels, but a minor complaint for a show that’s been great so far.

Worst Anime: Nobunaga no Shinobi S2 (HM: Every show I’ve dropped from this season)

Meanwhile, we have this show. I didn’t expect much, which I’ll get into more in that award category. But yeah, it’s becoming a chore to watch, and that’s something I don’t really want an anime to be to me. It’s still funny at times, but it’s really not offering anything new. Welp, it’s only a few minutes. That’s okay I guess. Shoutout to the handful of shows I dropped, shows like Eromanga-sensei and Hinako Note (of which I’ll talk about a little in later awards).

Best Surprise: Tsuki ga Kirei (HM: Boku no Hero Academia 2nd Season)

I never really expected much from this show, but it’s been a nice little romance show so far. It’s slow, yes, but it has that vanilla aspect that I’m a huge sucker for. I haven’t had this much “aww’s” since Honobono Log. This show’s filling up my romance quote quite nicely, which is good considering last year was not a good year for romance shows. Hopefully it continues to be nice and not too drama-y. Shoutout to BnHA for exceeding my expectations when I thought it would be like it’s slow first season.

Worst Disappointment: Nobunaga no Shinobi S2

Like I mentioned above, this show wasn’t really something I had expectations for, but I’m still a bit miffed about it. The show hasn’t gotten better since it started, more like stagnated into what it is today. I really think it’s the new characters which I don’t like that make it kinda meh. Otherwise, the old characters are fine and their interactions are okay. Really, this show isn’t too bad, it’s just bad compared to the rest of the shows I’m still watching right now. And so it ends up taking up the spots in the two main “worst” categories. But compared to past seasons’ winners of this award, it’s pretty good. Still, from first (well, actually I now consider it to be the second-best show I watched from the Fall 2016 season) to last now is a bit of a fall no matter how many shows I’m watching.

Best Girl: Katou Megumi (Saekano ♭) with HM to Oribe Ririko (Sakura Quest)

For a character to be on my “Favorite Character” list, he/she has to be pretty good. Usually I add somebody who makes every scene he/she’s in so much better. Characters like Yui (Oregairu) or Megumi (Shokugeki no Soma) are examples of this. Yeah there might be a few characters in there for different reasons (Ema is really there because I loved her voice), but that’s usually how it is.

Anyway, that tangent was just a really long way of saying unless a character from this season is that good, there’s almost no way Megumi loses this award. She was one of the biggest reasons why I loved the first season, and she’s the biggest reason why I’m liking the second season so far even with crazy Utaha and the usual Eriri. Unless a girl becomes amazingly great in the next few weeks, I can pretty much say there won’t be a change in this award come the end of season awards.

Shoutout to Ririko, and actually all five of the main girls from Sakura Quest. It was kinda hard choosing from them, but in the end I went with the girl who’s made every scene better when she does something. We’ll see if she’s still the best as the season ends (and later when this show ends).

Best Guy: Kashimura Zouroku (Alice to Zouroku) with HM to Sandal-san (Sakura Quest) and Mineta Minoru (Boku no Hero Academia 2nd Season)

Yes, I’m including shows I dropped. Because otherwise this choice would be pretty hard. I’m gonna go with a guy who I would want as a grandparent: strict but also wise and a pretty nice guy. In the few episodes I’ve watched of this show, I always liked how he didn’t care for whatever nonsense happened with Alice and the others and treated her like she was just a normal kid. It was kinda refreshing to see such a character in anime. Maybe I might pick this show back up again just to see his wise advice and all that.

Shoutouts to Sandal-san and Mineta. Sandal-san’s outros complete with the one perfectly pronounced English word are glorious: I always repeat whatever word he says from “mandrake” to “online shop”. Mmm, that’s good stuff. Oh and I guess Mineta’s the same old pervert I know and love.

Worst Girl: Izumi Sagiri (Eromanga-sensei) with HM to whichever girl was the annoying one from Hinako Note

Ahahaha yes. This. I didn’t even finish the first episode of Eromanga-sensei but oh my goodness the glimpse I did watch I couldn’t handle this girl. She’s a lighter version of Kirino, but that’s not saying much in terms of good character. I’m not about the tsundere sisters it seems.

Also shoutout to that one annoying girl from Hinako Note whose name I can’t find. She reminded me so much of that girl from Stella no Mahou, and once I got flashbacks of that I noped out (especially since the show itself wasn’t fun anyway).

Worst Guy: That One Dude from Nobunaga no Shinobi with HM to Izumi Masamune (Eromanga-sensei)

I couldn’t find this guy’s name (and I’m too lazy to go back to the episode to find it), but man this guy. His demeanor and joking manner towards Chidori was kinda off-putting, and I didn’t really like it too much. Especially the whole sexual joke thing: why tho.

Shoutout to Mr. Izumi (I think that’s a last name? IDK, that looks first-namey to me) for being the unfortunate recipient of a tsundere little sister, but then falling for her. Yay anime.

Best OP: Boku no Hero Academia 2nd Season (HM: Sakura Quest, Warau Salesman New)

I’ve now included links in the post so that y’all can watch these.

Anyway, Boku no Hero Academia’s OP is pretty dang good. I didn’t like it too much at first, but now listening to it a lot, it’s really hype and gets me in the right mood to enjoy the episode. It’s standard shounen OP, but sometimes the classic is best.

Shoutouts to Sakura Quest’s OP for having a catchy song (with nice visuals to boot) and Warau Salesman New’s OP for having hella good visuals with a nice jazzy song (go watch it, because I’m sure almost none of you have seen this OP).

Best ED: Sakura Quest (HM: Eromanga-sensei, Boku no Hero Academia 2nd Season, Saekano ♭ (no link because the actual version isn’t on /r/AnimeThemes yet))

Ok, this was the easiest choice of all of the awards. I’ve probably listened to Sakura Quest’s ED 50 times already, and that’s probably an understatement. I love the pop melody complete with snaps and acoustic guitar, and the characters with their listening devices looks really nice. It’s all pretty to look at, and the music added to it makes it one of the best OP/EDs I’ve listened to in a while.

Shoutout to:

Eromanga-sensei’s ED (I know, right?) for having a peppy song complete with a cute (wow I can’t believe I’m saying this) grill

Boku no Hero Academia’s ED for its catchy song with grills

Saekano’s ED for the visuals that remind me of all the nice events that happened season 1. Oh and the song isn’t too bad I guess.

Miscellaneous Categories (they happened to be all about the same show... try reading the three blurbs as one big blurb because it works i guess):

Worst Animation: Tsuki ga Kirei

Amazingly, despite how this show is, the animation is atrocious. Half the scenes are background scenes of people walking, but those people are horrible CG people that distract from the nice backgrounds. Kinda something big, but if they don’t do it so much I guess I’m fine with it.

Most Underrated Show: Tsuki ga Kirei

Because it is still a good show. But not much people are watching it which is a bit disappointing. It’s a nice little romance show about how awkward middle school can be. I would know. Not the romance part, but the awkward part.

The TheJPFDude Happy Show of the Half-Season: Tsuki ga Kirei

But hey, it still gives off that happy feeling that a romance show gives me, and for that it gets this award. That’s all I have to say about this show for now.

And that’s all for this little checkpoint post! Thanks for reading through all of it, and hey... I’ll see you in the next post (which is coming out pretty soon! I guarantee it!)