#HMANNDNFBDHFHFH. jdhsjfhhehd.

[sparring-spirals]

normally i can process these big moments and sad moments by churning out like fifteen incoherent metas but im uh. not sure i have much. knowledge. or right to do that right now lmfao. HOWEVER. SORRY. bc i.

i really. i just. fcg with all their fears about going wrong, about being made wrong and never escaping that. an internal switch that means they always run the risk of hurting those they love.

they chose a god of choice, of chance, or change. They were so scared of things they couldnt control. so worried they'd never be anything more than what they were made for.

Made for destruction. Made for rage.

But they flip a coin one last time- made for destruction. Made for damage. Made for devastating damage from where you least expect it.

Maybe so. Maybe so.

So much of them that was made for destruction. So they grip a coin and choose, to make that a form of love too.

(Im mad they wanted so badly to martyr. im mad that it worked. im mad about clerics and suffering as value and i think there's so much to untangle- about being made and running from it, about striving for purpose, about bigger causes and about hopeless fights and about. if you have one last thing. if all options are bad.

if you love your friends, so much-

ooh im mad about it. mad at this fucking tin can full of magic and love and who might have had a ticking time bomb in their core, and chose to detonate whatever was in him anyway, because it would give everyone else a chance.

god. dammit.)