#HOLY FUCK I MADE THIS BOARD LIKE 20 MINS AGO

[clockworkzombies]

I'm doing one of those stupid facebook questionnaires because I'm DRUGGED UP and CAFFEINATED

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Learn 36 things about your friends and let them learn 36 things about you!

1. Do you like blue cheese?

Absolutely the FUCK not. Who likes tasting mold on a salad or cheese burger? Not me.

2. Have you ever smoked?

Smoke what? All of the above anyways, except meth because fuck that shit

3. Do you own a gun?

Yes, a BB gun that's going with my Halloween costume

4. What flavor Kool-Aid?

None of the above

5. Do you get nervous before the Dr?

Only the gyno

6. What do you like on hot dogs?

Motha fuckin mustard, ketchup, relish, and maybe onions

7. Favorite Movie?

I really like The Iron Giant or The Breakfast Club

8. What do you like to drink in the A.M?

Orange juice or coffee

9. Can you do a push up?

No, not really lol

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?

I cant really wear jewelry because I'm allergic to the majority of it

11. Do you have a favorite hobby or past time?

I doodle, draw. Whatever you want to call it.

13. Do you wear glasses?

Yeah, I have to or I can't function

14. Who was your childhood idol?

I looked up to my brothers a lot. They basically raised me, too, since my mom was working 2 jobs at the time and wasn't really home because of that

15. Name 3 thoughts at the moment:

• Holy fuck why do my meds do this to me

• I am an adult, why am I hyper at 8 PM

• I need some food

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:

• Water

• Juice

• Mountain Dew

17. Current worries:

I dont know if my current job is going to allow me to be financially stable enough to move out with my fiance into an apartment, away from his crazy ass mom, and still be able to afford groceries, my student loans, and my medical bills (probably not, I'm in debt, help)

18. Current hates:

Bleu cheese, my boyfriend's stinky feet, and the state the country (and/or world) is in

19. Favorite place to be?

In the woods. Where I live is close to a national forest, so sometimes I like to just drive through the canyon that runs through it and listen to music. The big circle that I drive is like, 30 min long.

20. How do you bring in the New Year?

Usually just watch Netflix until WOO its 12 am and kiss my boyfriend and pass out

21. Where would you like to go?

Into my own grave

22. Name 5 people that will do this questionnaire.

Absolutely. Fucking. No. One. Will.

23. Do you own slippers?

Yes, they're pink monster feet ones

24. What color shirt are you in?

A black hoodie

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?

NO I have to sleep on those t shirt Jersey type sheets because the texture of normal sheets bother the fuck out of me, and just satin in general gives me texture issues

26. Can you whistle?

Yeah, not well tho

27. Where are you now?

At home like a dumb bitch

28. Would you be a pirate?

Hell yeah

29. What song do you sing in the shower?

I don't really sing in the shower

30. Favorite sport team?

Uhhhh? Who ever is winning?

31. Favorite food?

Pineapple pizza and tuna mac

32. What's in your pocket?

I've got some pennies and a quarter. I'm rich.

33. The last thing that made you laugh?

I was watching tik tik videos like a cringe lord about 10 min ago

34. What's your favorite animal?

RACOONS AND CATS

35. Worst injury?

I've never broken anything but 2 different times that I've fallen off a skateboard ive:

• shredded the whole side of my thigh and ass cheek because I was sitting on the skateboard, going really fast, and hit a rock that made it wobble (it wasn't a very good skateboard to begin with) this ending in me falling off going like 15 mph. This happened 5 years ago

• hyper extended my left knee because I AGAIN fell up and launched the board down the road but made my lower leg fly up, but not the rest. I still have issues with it and it's been 4 years

Fact about me now: I dont ride skateboards anymore because I injure myself horribly and fall off EVERYTIME

36. How many TV's in your house?

We have 2, were working on a third one to put in the living room so we can use our Wii and stuff (dont tell my boyfriend but I'm also working to get him a Switch for Christmas)

Copy & paste to your page.

Then change answers to your own. Enjoy!!

[0225pm]

USS + some thoughts

missing loads of posts so i’m just gonna start with the most recent events and cover the rest in a while!!!

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guess where we went yesterday?  USS!

my mom’s company held a family day thing so the tickets for USS were about 1/3 of its original price if i’m not wrong! initially i wanted to surprise han by going over to his place and buying some lunch for him (bc the day before he told me that his mom’s not at home which just means that there’s not gonna be food at home) but i prepared late and he found out the surprise (the bit where i’m gonna go over to his place to fetch him) so it was a failure!!!!!!!! :( but he said he still love getting these sort of surprises from me even though it wasn’t an unexpected surprise anymore hahahaha but i’m still glad that he’s happy!

so i took a hitch to his place (and skipped the whole takeout for him bc i was already late) and waited for him by the stairs to come down (i thought he would be taking the stairs since he lives on the second floor but his lazy ass took the lift instead wth) and i didn’t even notice him standing opp flashing out his phone to take a video of me (which he posted on his dead ig)

and then from there we went to grab a little bite before heading to the mrt. for some reason, things felt really tense between us like idk if it’s just me feeling that way but it just felt really cold??? then he whipped out his phone again to play ml while i just took out my phone to listen to some music. from yew tee, we would have to stop at jurong and then buona vista before changing lines to the yellow line to get to harborfront. so while on the journey to jurong, we were just doing our own shit. i took out a book (i borrowed from the library about a week and a half ago - it’s called tokyo zodiac murders i think) to read while he continued playing ml. when we reached jurong, we were waiting for the train to buona vista and without double checking, we just boarded this one train only to find out that we were heading back to where we came from when han heard the train operator thingy mention cck. LOL we’re like dumb and dumber sia at that point of time hahahaha and i thought that we would be late for the event but my brother called and told me that apparently we can only go in at 530PM. so we still had plenty of time to kill which was great. 

upon arriving at buona vista, i received another call my bro saying that we can only go in at 630PM and by the time we reached the place, it was just slightly after 630 so that was good until we saw the crowd LOLLLL

the amount of people queuing was fucking mental!!! i wished i had taken a video of how much human beans there were but i didn’t thought about it. i honestly couldn’t really stay in focus because it was so hot and i was just perspiring so much and felt sticky everywhere. i should have brought an extra set of top or something but i didn’t, unfortunately. (tryna kick the habit of bringing extra clothes everywhere i go)

we walked a whole round to find the end of the line, only to be brought back right to where we were standing in the beginning, and then we saw that there was another line that seems much shorter than the rest so we decided to move towards that line instead of waiting like a fool following the longer trail of human beans. fortunately, we managed to get into the place in like less than 20 mins. but that wasn’t the end.........

we still had to follow the crowd to i think it’s called SeaWorld or WaterWorld or something, where the winners of the lucky draw was gonna be announced at before a performance and i’m glad we decided to stay for the performance bc it was fucking lit!!!!! i really love it, it was so interesting and really put together. you can see the amount of effort the performers put in to make everything seem so real. i’m not sure if the story is from some old fairytale or something but i think it’s something i would have to research on (if i’m not lazy that is hahaha)

it was already dark by the time the performance ended and as we head out to explore the rest of the place, out of the corner of my eyes i saw my bro and his gf buying something to snack on. so from there, we went on our separate ways. my bro and his gf, han and myself. we were walking around looking for somewhere to eat and we stumbled upon the roasted turkey leg food cart again we so decided to get one of each (should have shared one instead bc it was so salty after awhile), something to munch on while walking around. it was han’s third time at USS whereas its only my second time. i wouldn’t even say it’s second because the first time i went with the fam we didn’t explore the place much and only when there to have lunch/dinner + both me and my bro only rode on the human and cylone ride before my parents decided it was time to head home. so most of the places felt really new to me and i was enjoying myself though i wasn’t sure if han was enjoying himself but i think he was kinda tired from all the walking. he’s not usually the type to like walking for long hours on end but bc i really wanted to walk around, he went along with it. 

the turkey legs were too salty to finish up and my bottle of green tea wasn’t helping mask the saltiness so han asked if we should just throw the rest away and then he’ll get a corndog for us to share after noticing a corndog cart about a stone throw away from where we were standing at.  

i nodded in agreement and told him i wanna head to the toilet first to wash my hands after which, we went to queue.

the corndog was so good!!! i really love the taste of the batter for the breaded part but han said it was nothing special lmao. 

after that we walked around again and then i took a look at the waiting time for the different rides and almost wanted to give up riding anything because one, i was perspiring buckets and two, the waiting time was so long. but han asked me again if i’m sure about leaving and then we noticed that there was a performance showing at 930PM so we decided to stay for that and while waiting we sat nearby mel’s drive-in bc there was another performance there. i also decided to call my bro to ask him if he wanna ride the galatica rollercoasters with me bc i asked han but i felt like i was just forcing him to ride something he dont want to cus he snapped at me when i told him that i dont want to ride it alone and he has to ride it with me hahahaha but my bro’s gf didn’t want to ride the galatica too so han sees it as an opportunity to not ride and used taking my care of my bag as an excuse LOL so i was alrighty then and rode the red one with my bro. 

it was so thrilling!!!! i love it even though i felt so queasy afterwards but it felt like all my stress and whatever shitty feeling i was feeling before sorta disappear during the ride. i wanted to ride the blue one (the one where there’s more twists and turns and ur feet will dangle in the air) and han wanted to challenge himself to ride it too but bc both me and my bro was still tryna catch our breaths, his gf suggested riding other rides first - and so we went to the mummy one.

but holy shit i think it was by far the more thrilling one as compared to the red galatica rollercoaster wtf there are so many twists and turns and the atmosphere was so just frikin cold like you’re really underground the mummy’s tomb and shit i absolutely love it!!! i think the suspense was what really made the whole ride interestingly enjoyable and thrilling. before the ride i actually linked arms with han sia hahahaha and i’m glad i did bc at one point of time it was legit scary.

and then after the mummy, we walked towards the puss in boots ride and before that everyone thought that it’s just a lame ass ride for kids and it’s not gonna be scary and i thought like ok at least its gonna be a chill ride BUT OH BOY WAS I SO FUCKING WRONG HAHAHAHHAHAHA the suspenses are fucking killers and ITS DEFINITELY NOT A LAME RIDE. but as compared to the mummy one, this one’s less thrilling. 

oh and han was so touchy when we were waiting for the rides HAHAAHAHAH i think he proper was having fun and was really enjoying himself or maybe bc he got to smoke so his mood became happier AHHAHAHA but i really love that side of him more. i  was legit perspiring like crazy like my whole tee was drenched in sweat but that didn’t stop him from pulling me closer to him as he embraced me and then grabbed onto my hand holding it tightly. sighHHHH he makes me feel so tingly. i look like shit but he don’t even care hahahhaha

we had a little bit of time for one more ride so for the last one, we decided to ride the transformers one and wah i think out of all this one is my favorite!!! i can understand why its one of his fav too!!! you really feel like you’re in the animation/short movie they were showing. the whole experience was just amazing. to quote him “it feels very 5D” hahahahaha 

we didn’t have time to ride the cylone so we gave that up and then from there we went on our separate ways and head back. 

han asked whether we will be separating there and going home on our own and without hesitation i said no. and there silence filled the air and during that time i was doing some reflection mentally. like how tired he was, how far away from home and how he will have to travel back and forth. i was just being really selfish so i told him its was okay and we can separate from there but he said no bc the first answer i gave him is what i really wanted (like the truth ah) and he said about how even if i said its ok or if its fine, its actually not ok which tbh is true la but i just...... didn’t want to be selfish and self centered only thinking about my own wellbeing when i know he was as tired as i was, if not more. 

(while walking towards vivo, idk how the topic of break up came about but he asked me like what i’d do if he ask for it and honestly without hesitation i told him i would kill myself which i think scared him but idk man my heart will prolly be so broken i think even if i don’t kill myself i will die from the heartbreak. and then i asked him what he’ll do if the role is reverse and he said that he will prolly be like how it was like with the rest of his past rs, ask why and then cry about it and then he’ll be okay. i was.... idk i just didn’t know what to say. what he said hurt me and made me feel like i was “the same like all his other past rs” idk why but i thought maybe i was different, maybe i was The One for him, the one that he will never be able to forget about but ofc i didn’t tell him about how i feel bc i didn’t want to make things anymore awkward so i just kept quiet and pretended things were ok but you know me, i think about things and i just felt like he’s prolly gonna get tired of my shit sooner or later.)

anyway, he still stubbornly refused and wanted to send me back so we decided to take uber back (it was hard to get a hitch at that time and place) and then went to the 24 hours indian shop to have supper before he sent me back. we chilled for a bit at the void deck as per usual and then around 3+ 4, my bro and his gf appeared hhaha so we ended up chilling together and playing a couple rounds of ml before they left (my bro sent his gf home) and then around 5, 5+, han booked a grab to head home. 

before that though i asked him something about having to send me home i think, but i can’t quite remember what his response what. i think it was something along the lines of, we live so far from each other sometimes it’s hard or something like that idk. 

but i know it made me feel kinda sad though i was thankful that he took time to send me back even though he was so tired and he lives on the other end. 

we also talked about wishes and one of his wish is to get a bike but he told me that its something difficult with me around and even though i know it was really just a poor choice of words, it makes me think if i’m a burden and if i’m too much for him to handle. 

i really wonder what he thinks of us and if he’s holding back all his feelings because he’s afraid if he put in too much of himself into me, it might all be in vain in the end. i just hope i don’t fuck things up because i really want us to last for a really long time and i know, we don’t know what the future holds for us but honestly, i want to be with him till death do us part, at the very least.

[nitallica]

Cross-posted from my blog: DC I love you

I spent last weekend recovering from last week’s trip to Washington DC for MWLUG. Work has been hella crazy this week while I’m trying to catch up and get a few things implemented that I learned.

BTW: It was FUN! Seriously loved the venue, and I loved being in DC. I am very much looking forward to next year’s, which is supposed to be in Ann Arbor, MI if I heard correctly.

Sadly, we will likely no longer be attending IBM’s Lotusphere ConnectED Connect conference due to cost. I missed this year’s trip due to my surgery, but by looking at the schedule of sessions, there would have been very little for me there. That makes me a bit sad, but it is what it is. MWLUG is cheaper, and quite frankly more useful (to me, at least). One of my favorite sessions last week was a “discussion” (read: tongue lashing) from Lotus/Domino users, admins, and developers to a couple members of IBM staff.

I almost felt sorry for them … almost.

Traveling to and from went a lot better this year due mostly to some mental and intestinal fortification via chemistry. In other words, my doctor gave me something to chill me out during the flights. :) I took a Xanax before each flight and they helped tremendously! Our flight back from DC to Atlanta was stressful, and from Atlanta to Birmingham was downright scary. Given how I have flipped my shit in the past during bumpy flights, I was a lot calmer while doped up. But I noticed right away how tired I was after each flight. I mean, I’ve had jetlag before, but holy Hell! Never like this.

During each flight, I chronicled my thoughts. I don’t even remember WHY, maybe to pass the time? Those around me found me a little funny while on the Xanax, but I felt chill as fuck. Seriously. I have never been so relaxed and calm in my life. (except maybe while I was Valium for my anxiety years ago)

Tuesday:

6:00am Been seated for a little bit. Holy shit this thing is cramped! I’m sitting on the aisle which I’m hoping works out better this time than my previous trips where I was by the window.

A little dismayed that there are no barf bags anywhere that I can see. Not that I’ve ever blown chunks on a plane, I’ve always felt like I could. It’s rare for me to have motion sickness (usually only with a bad migraine), but my anxiety makes me nauseous sometimes.

6:15 Child behind me starts screaming. This is going to be a long 2 hours.

Dude beside me has taken up both arm rests. Keeps opening and closing the window shade. His duffle bag is taking up half of my floor space. I mean, not that my stubby little hobbit legs need a whole lot of room, but still. At least he’s quiet.

6:38 Takeoff was a little bumpy. Not scary, but not exactly comfortable either. So far the Xanax seems to be helping?

Poor Joseph and CaySal have had to sit next to me while I’ve lost my shit on previous flights. God bless whoever invented this stuff!!!

6:50 Snacks!!! :D

I was very surprised they didn’t offer peanuts. To my delight they have almonds! :)

7:06 I’m feeling surprisingly good. I only took one Xanax, and was worried that maybe I needed two. So far, so good. While part of me hates being dependent on medications, they have made my life so much better!

7:13 I’ve had Billy Joel’s “You May Be Right (I May Be Crazy)” stuck in my head since I got to the airport this morning. Which is weird because prior to that I had “Blood on My Name” on loop on my internal radio. My Uber driver’s name was Lazarus, which likely started that. Can’t remember what I heard upon waking up.

Funny, I’m currently building a new Domino server named Lazarus. It is basically a replacement for a server that’s on its proverbial deathbed. An attempt to resurrect it, if you will.

8:21 (crossed time zone!) We’re told to put our seat belts on. Getting ready to land soon? I hope. I hope. I hope. I hope.

8:25 By looking out windows in front of me, wherever we are is pretty. Nice and sunny. I want a nap so badly. Could not sleep last night and running on about 3 hours’ worth. Today is gonna be a long day.

8:33 I realized that I forgot to pack my sneakers. I have my Harley boots on currently, and they’re usually fine. But I like having sneakers just in case. Because let’s face it, sometimes my feet can be little bitches. Plus, they’re black with dark red accents and I lurvs them. :)

8:40 While I was not thrilled about Delta having me pay to check my overnight bag (which work will reimburse me for), I will say this. Their staff have been great so far. The in flight staff especially. Very friendly!

Most of the TSA staff, not so much. :/

8:53 Making our descent. Hello, Detroit! :D

9:04 Whee! Landed and taxiing to our gate.

9:41 Waiting for time to board the next leg. Duuuuuuuude I am feeling so groovy. Now I know why everyone recommended I get this.

Joseph asked if my doc could put me on this every day. LOL

10:14 Seated and waiting to take off. Next trip I am DEFINITELY upgrading my seat. Slightly less cramped than last flight, but too small for my comfort.

At least I get a window seat this time! :)

10:34 Video safety instructions now. Yay? Was kind of neat. Now playing with screen on back of the seat in front of me while we taxi out to the runway.

11:28 Played around with the flight tracker. Then watch one of the inflight movies. Born in China – about animals indigenous to China. :)

Getting close to D.C. No almonds on this flight so I opted for cinnamon cookies to dunk in my coffee. :)

Definitely wanting a nap right nap. So tired zzzzzzzzzz…

11:55 D.C. I am in you! :D

12:15pm Headed to Alexandria to the hotel. Hopefully they will let me check in early.

And the flights home, Thursday/Friday:

3:27pm Checked Delta app and learned that my flight is going to be delayed at least an hour. Something about trouble with a passenger. Yikes?

Joy of joys, I’m already stressing out. Going ahead and taking my Xanax now.

4:05 Waiting on Uber to head to the airport.

5:15 Arrived at the airport, got checked in, bags handled, and groped by TSA.

Note: DC’s TSA folks are friendlier than Birmingham’s. Not by much, but still. Delta folks, however, were very super nice.

Now sitting down to get some food. Feeling super chill, but my head is killing me, probably due to lack of sleep. Been up since 3am.

Wheeee!

5:37 We ate at Grille District. The hot wings were not hot, but very tasty. I prefer a flavorful sauce to one that melts your face off any day.

6:03 Now the long wait to board.

6:53 An announcement comes in overhead; the flight has been delayed … again.

6:59 After talking with Delta, they said we should still make it in time for connecting flight. It may be close.

8:03 Aaaaaaand flight delayed … again. Not confident that we will make our connecting flight now.

8:20 Delta says we could “probably” make our connecting flight. I really don’t want to spend the night in Atlanta.

8:44 Finally boarding plane.

9:14 Take off. I am completely knackered. May try to sleep some.

9:22 Nope, can’t sleep. While I’m not freaking as much as I normally would, I am not as zen feeling as I was earlier. I maybe should have waited to take the Xanax until just before boarding. Granted, all the calamity with the delays did not help things. To make things worse, my neck and back are starting to pain me greatly.

I wanna go home. :(

9:26 Heavy turbulence, one of my least favorite things. Not freaking. But not exactly comfortable either.

9:48 According to the little flight tracker thingy on the screen in front of my seat, we are about midway over North Carolina.

10:04 Looks like we’ve crossed over into South Carolina air space now. Getting closer to home.

10:09 The lady behind me says it’s unhealthy for me to be so fixated on the flight tracker. I said it gives me something to focus on, to distract me. She asks what I would need to be distracted from, and I answer from the fact that we are hurdling through the air around 36,000 feet high at 1,000 MPH in a large metal projectile with no parachutes.

She then quietly sat back and hasn’t said another word. I often wonder how many people regret asking me questions. :)

10:20 Getting closer to Georgia. Got just over half an hour now.

10:27 Descending into Atlanta. Attendant says we’re landing in about 20 minutes.

We can make our flight if we haul ass. I really really REALLY don’t want to spend the night in Atlanta.

10:38 Seeing a metric shit-ton of lightning up here. At least we seem to be above most of it.

Supposed to be landing in 10 mins or so …

11:16 Ran like mad to next gate and barely made it. Airport staffer had told us the wrong direction to go to the gate we needed when we got off the plane from D.C. I seriously could have throttled her.

Now waiting to take off for Birmingham.

11:59 Wheeled out to the tarmac and sat … no idea why. About to take off now.

I’m on the way. Home sweet home.

I didn’t take that many pictures, but what few I have are up on my Flickr page.

I’m so glad that tomorrow is Friday. I’m spending it with Jessie, who turned 20 yesterday. Wow, I feel old. LOL

I hope y’all are having a good week! :)

... from DC I love you