0225pm

[0225pm]

bored in the toilet pooping so i’m gonna try to answer as much as i can

1. attached, hopefully will be happily married on 5th feb 2021

2. this cat sleeping on pillow fishes hahaha i saw on fb but i’ll link it here if i rmbr

3. hard to pick a fav but rn for jan 2021, my fav would be heat wave by glass animals

4. i think kaichou wa maid sama will always have a special place in my heart but naruto has also become one of my fav

5. haven’t really found a movie that i love so much i would watch it over and over again tbh

6. prison break, can’t think of anything else i’ll like to rewatch

7. wow idk i can’t pick one but the one that’s top of my head rn would be going to gardens by the bay with farhan

8. when my late aunt passed and we found out things that shouldn’t have even existed

[0225pm]

hello!!!!!

haven’t posted anything in a long while and i decided to post one tonight before i sleep bc i feel guilty for not updating farhan’s newspaper hahaha. i’m also waiting for my hair to dry a little so yeah kill two birds with one stone!

my eyes are super irritated now btw like the right eye esp wtf i kept rubbing at it bc it feels like there’s smth in my eye and i HATE rubbing my eyes bc it’ll give you wrinkles and break all the capillaries around your eyes causing dark circles like mine is alr dark enough i don’t need it to be any darker. like i think it’s bc of my contacts?? a sigh that i must change my lenses alr pls sponsor me bb degree 500/500 brown or grey lens i’m ok hahahaahahahah. ok so i will try to summarize today as fast and as short as i can even tho i like to type everything down in details so that future me and future farhan may be able to recall memories easier but das ok we gotta be quick

ok so today i called farhan around 230pm cus i had a feeling he slept quite late ytd since he was woken up from his sleep. and i thought 230pm ok la can la not too early not too late cus he has to shower and prep and come over to my area as well. after some calls he finally picked up and then it changed to a video call? he has been video calling me a lot these days like instead of the usual normal calls and i’m not complaining tbh hahahaha i actually love it cus i get to see his face even tho we’re not physically together but i look damn ugly ah so sometimes i’ll not put my face in the camera damn stupid i know cus it’s not like he hasn’t seen my face in its worst condition like back when my acne were literal cysts and he still stayed and didn’t leave but hahaha these kinda insecurities will take a looooooong time for it to go away one la hais anyway ok sorry back to the story of the day!!!

wtf sorry if the paragraphing is weird ah or if got long gaps cus i’m typing w my phone n idk why it’s not letting me like just down space once small little paragraph space but ok nvm let’s not bother about that lmao. ok so then i got ready and did my hair and i’m kinda regretting cutting bangs the other time cus my hair got used to the long fringe that now my bangs curl up if i don’t use hair straightener or if it got wet or if i sweat like it doesn’t stay straight down so sad. then picked out my outfit in my head but i was still wearing home clothes when he came over cus i thought i should wait before i change since we haven’t technically decided on where to go and i rly didn’t wanna sweat before we go out. then we laid in bed for a bit and farhan was being such a cranky old man i just wanna give him a loving punch but i didn’t ofc. then i changed and wore this super cute outfit with my windbreaker and i actually rly like what i wore wth like it’s cute ok but there he was judging my outfit 🙄 annoying pe hahahaha cus it was so hot out and for me to wear a wb like a bit crazy ah so we went out of the house n all then i forgot my damn mask again cb i cannot sia always forget nowadays like can they just lift the rules alr. so i went back to take and then i was like fak i cannot i gotta change into smth less hot bc it rly was so damn hot outside like it looks like it’s cloudy n was boutta rain but no sia so panas gila so i changed into this little ahpek blouse which tbh is one of my fav vintage blouse that i own. i like the fit of it it’s oversized but not too crazy oversized that it just looks weird. i asked farhan and he said it just looks like when someone had sex and then borrowed the man’s shirt to put on and i feel like wow that’s actually quite hot sia mcm give me a bit of an extra boost of confidence liddat lol but anyway ya besides the point.

then after that we went to tampines and had saap saap thai for our lunch. it was niceeee since we haven’t been there in a long while so the food was great at least imo la. but the chilli pedas gila but i think quite shiok ah. the soup if not spicy not nice or like still nice but not as nice if it’s not spicy. but i’m a noob so i put like hujung je the chilli hahahaha farhan put like half sia gila. we also had milk tea and green milk tea which was initially farhan’s but we swapped bc the milk tea was too sweet for me. then after that we went to nine fresh!!!! my top fav bbt shop currently bc of the rly interesting toppings u can put. i think next time i wanna buy 0% ah cus i feel like the 25% like quite sweet sia idk why or maybe it’s bc the toppings alr sweet so when it’s mixed it feels like there’s double the sweetness. then after that we went to this korea mart. shine korea i think but wtf i feel like the shine korea like....... idk sia they don’t have a lot of variety and they don’t sell loose packs like how i feel most korea mart actually sell loose packs of instant noodles. i still like the one at bedok maybe next time i’ll head there to buy the items i need and cook smth for farhan 😂 even tho it’s just instant noodles but i learned a recipe on how to enhance the noodles and make it taste professional looooool so i rly wanna try making that for us to eat next time. oh and i’m so happy that farhan enjoys my wrap!!!!! this would be a story for another day.

then after that decided to head back since there weren’t anymore korea marts around. i had to withdraw some money for my mom first so we did that then walked back to where he parked his bike. then upon reaching home we just rested up for a bit. watched some videos and all. and i just wanted to sleep idk why when i’m laying on his chest or like shoulder i feel sooo comfy i legit just wanna sleep. but as time kept ticking we decided to head outside to lepak since we’re not married yet perhaps he felt like it isn’t good or nice of him to stay in the house till late but idk i think my dad was kinda distracted with soccer to even care much today so i felt like we could have stayed longer if we wanted to and omg leh my stomach rly said hello go berak so many times to me today walao i think 3 times? but good la hais i’m so constipated sia my bowel movements damn irregular annoying sia and unhealthy hais. then when we were outside it started pouring!!!! at first not so heavy but it got heavier throughout and it felt so nice!! and i know farhan can’t do this often but he stayed till like 5am before he left and it just brings back that memories of when he would stay till late just to keep my company and spend more time with me.

sobsssss i miss him alr 😭😭😭😭😭😭

i forgot to wish him happy monthsary before he left and he just wished me now as i’m typing this i want to reply him so i’m just gonna end the post here okay hehe goodnight!!

[0225pm]

hellooooo i just got home after a long day out and felt like i should type everything while i’m still awake rn hehe

so a few days back we actually alr planned to have dinner with the gang today so that’s what we did lolol cus seanna alr booked a table for us as well so that we don’t have to wait in line.

i’m just gonna start the story of the day from the very beginning.

so yesterday night farhan told me his plan was to go pay for his bike and then he’ll come over to meet me but what time he’s coming would depends on what time he’s gonna be awake. i don’t mind cus as long as i can to spend some private time with him for the day it’s fine by me cus since we’re meeting the gang lol ok does it sound nice when i say gang cus it doesn’t seem right but wtvr nvm i guess we shall just say squad instead so yeah we were gonna meet the squad at 6pm so i felt like if i were to meet him like maybe 5pm it felt so late? in a sense that i’m unable to spend private time with him much for the day considering that by the time we head home he has to leave bc of his curfew. so yeah i think he reached my place around 3+?

so before he reached my place i alr picked out what to wear and this time round i knew what i wanted to wear like i think i made this decision is like a split second hahaha even tho i’m actually quite fickleminded but yeah i chose to wear a dress cus it was ezpz 😂 i just have to wear safety shorts instead of having to think of what to wear for the bottoms. actually i had two outfits in mind but considering how hot it was today i felt like jeans was out of the idea even tho my dress was black in color lol. and then i forgot that my hair dryer is a spoiled wtf so i had to sit in front of the fan and let it dry a little bit before i used this comb dryer thing to comb it out. honestly i much prefer using a hair dryer cus it’s faster and i guess there’s less hair fall i’m actually quite insecure about my hair lol i think i mentioned before in a prev post. and using the comb dryer makes me feel like it’s tugging a bit too hard onto my hair follicles since my hair itself is alr so fine and thin but the finishing is so pretty la. paired it with a hair oil and you’ll have nice smooth salon styled hair but still ya hair dryer la for now. then i prepped and all of sudden farhan was alr outside waiting hahaahha i actually saw that he alr arrived so i asked him if he’s coming up and before i knew it, he was alr outside knocking on my window. btw bb pls knock gently!! it’s louder on the inside than on the outside 😂😂😂 so then i let him in and i think he was a little frus? cus i wasn’t fully prepared or maybe cus he saw that i was just laying down on the bed before he came hahaha but ya so i let him in and this time i was perspiring like heck wtf. it’s rly damn humid today bruh ugh 🥵 then i went to do my hair and then changed into a home clothes since i has a feeling that we won’t be heading out yet and idw to sweat in my dress.

and then i came into my room and i saw that he was eating subway and then i looked down and he passed me one!!!! haissss ;-; he took note of what i wanted wtf and even took note of the kind of bread i like which is flatbread cus it rly is like a pita bread so damn soft and chewy i love it!!!! my next fav bread is honey oats hehe take note ah bb if flatbread ever sold out LOLLLL 😂 as for the mains i’ve only ever tried a few on their menu and by far i think for chicken i rly like their teriyaki chicken. so he got it for me and without veggies omg. we were having a conversation about it cus he said that he ordered subway to eat at home first before coming over and then we talked about the kind of sauce and the mains and veggies etc etc and i guess he was sort of taking notes also??? or maybe he saw my tweet hahaha cus the other day i posted that i wanted subway 😂 either way it’s so sweet la hais hahaha so easy to make me happy hahaha just feed me food and let me complain that i’m gaining weight and then tell me that it’s okay you’ll still love me even if i grew like a balloon lololol 😂😂😂 and they rly tk lokek with the chicken sia wtf it was so sedapppppp legit cravings satisfied but now that i’m typing this i got the feels to have subway again wtfffff maybe this time their subway melt main or the chicken ham hehe or maybe i should try their chicken breast cus i heard that one is good if you add extra cheese but i scared the chicken breast will be too dry tbh so that’s why i never rly got the strong feel to try it.

[0225pm]

i am so mad bc it is so damn hot rn man i wish my aircon’s working.

posting this a day late cus i was rushing my group project.

but anyway so yesterday we went on a date. or not rly a date date cus we didn’t plan much. it was quite simple so this is just gonna be a short post, i guess.

so farhan came over and this time round he didn’t share his live location with me cus he said “for what when i’m gonna be waiting for you anyway” which tbh hurts me a little bc i actually alr planned to meet him or like surprise him earlier at the void deck. i literally woke up so much earlier than my stipulated time that i set my alarm clock at and then prepared and stuff so when he said that i felt kinda hurt cus i rly just wanted to show him that i can do it and i can work on my punctuality but it feels like he just doesn’t believe in me. but anyway so he came over and then called me saying he wanna poop so i let him in and then he laid on my bed and didn’t feel like pooping cus it was hot outside. and yeah it really was super damn hot.

so we laid in bed for a little bed and i decided to change into a black top with my fav pair of jeans cus he also was wearing black and then after awhile i decided not to head out and we’ll just order in but then we changed our minds and decided to head down to craze kitchen at tampines to order takeaway. this time round i got their aglio olio! and we decided to treat ourselves a little bit and got their meat selections. i got the beef and he got their lamb. sorry no pics cus i didn’t take any.

then we went to 7-11 and i got some chips, drinks and my contact lens solution which he paid for. and then we went to the rojak shop which we walked past earlier on and got their char kway rojak which just turns out to be a disappointment :( i realised they actually used an air fryer to heat the char kway up so it turns into this crunchy flour and it just wasn’t what a soft char kway should be.

after that we headed to his bike and went home.

we were quite hungry by then so i decided to try the char kway rojak and like i said it was disappointing :/ he also said that this wasn’t how a rojak was supposed to be but i’m the one that wanted the one with the char kway so yeahhhhh

honestly felt like it was my fault 😢 cus he wasted $4 on that

then we moved onto our main meal which was the aglio olio from craze. tbh their aglio olio is one of the best i’ve tried so far like in terms of shops cus you can really taste the spice and the ginger and they’re very generous with the oil/butter which is what aglio olio should be. not dry and under-oiled or underseason but i just wish that they’ll give different pasta options cus i’m just not a fan of linguine. i much prefer my aglio olio to be the spaghetti pasta or angel hair pasta but it is still nice and they’re not stingy with their portion. i couldn’t even finish mine hahaha partly cus it’s quite spicy as well but if aglio olio not spicy then no kick ya know so i rather it’s spicy than not at all. as for the meat, the beef was pretty hard but maybe it’s cus i requested for medium well. i just don’t think i’ll be able to eat a medium rare? or like those that’s still v red on the inside hahaha. i didn’t try the lamb tho but i think it’s much easier to cut cus he didn’t seem to have a problem with it.

while eating we were also watching abtm and lol i’ve never watch the movie before hahaha and he was so shocked but ya i didn’t watch both the one and the two so we watched a bit tgt and halfway thru i was done with my meal and couldn’t finish my pasta so as i was about to head to the kitchen he asked me if i’m done then i said ya and he asked if i keeping it for later and i said no hahaha and he took it and ate it. it’s actually nice to see him eating so well but he ended up not being able to finish his lamb hahaha i asked if he wanna keep it for later and he was like no he wanna throw. and it was so cute when he’s all clingy asking me to give him attention. i love it when he does that hahaha it makes me feel needed and important lol as weirdly as that sounds.

and then we just spend the rest of the day in bed. continued watching abtm after cleaning up and then he watched larva movie on netflix while i was settling some of my group project stuff. also it made me all warm and fuzzy when he said he likes kissing me hahaha cus i like kissing him too 😌 and then time past by pretty quickly and it was time for him to head back. he wanted to stay a little bit longer but i figured it wasn’t such a good idea after what he said earlier on so i pushed him to head back home instead tho ofc it would have been such a good idea if he stayed later cus like i always say i would love to spend as much time as i possibly could with him. lol this makes me sound like i’m dying or smth but ya hahaha i’ll admit once a week is not enough even after being tgt for so long meeting once a week feels like i’m in some long distance rs but well i have to understand the situation and it is what it is.

[0225pm]

i am tryna poop but i can’t poop so let’s answer some qns again

full name? heidy syn

age? i don’t wanna reveal cus i don’t feel like i act my age

relationship status? attached!!!

height? 163cm, but it fluctuates

last song you played? this one

last text you received? i shy le – farhan 2020

birthday? june 13

girl bestfriend? i’ve got a squad

guy bestfriend? farhan

favorite food? chicken hahaha or just anything that’s fried or grilled hehe

piercings? i used to have two on the left but i decided that the healing time wasn’t worth it lol so i took it out and let the hole close. i currently have one on each ear, a septum and a nostril piercing. honestly i am damn tempted to get an eyebrow piercing but i think my mom will kill me sia haha so sad

eye color? dark brown but almost hazel under sunlight

hair color? milk tea brown, with some moss green lol so yucky i should do something about it

favorite color? black isn’t a color but black :D i also like lilac/pastel purple, peachy, teal and turquoise

last time you cried? sunday while watching naruto wtf that gaara scene sigh sigh sigh

favorite season? fall

last phone call? farhan haha he called me after work to rant. so cute haha i love the fact that he looks for me when he wanna rant cus i like listening to him talk

last movie you watched? train to busan 2: peninsula

current mood? i’m tired actually cus i just got home after a long day out. that will be a separate post for later :)

someone you miss? farhan :(

favorite quote? there is no beauty without some strangeness by the late poe

weakness? farhan’s popping arm veins wtf it’s so fucking hot LOL but the sun is also my weakness haha i think i really am candle princess

something you crave? tiramisu!! i really want to try the one at awfully chocolate but it’s $19.90 :(

embarrassing moment? showing farhan a painting of his portrait that i painted haha 

girl crush? i used to aspire to be like olivya, but wow erin klay is so pretty

last time you got drunk? never in my life lol drunk in love have la haha

have you ever been in love? yes

perfect date for you? i used to like packed or fully planned out dates but now i think spontaneous dates or unplanned dates are usually the more fun/perfectly imperfect ones. just having lunch, maybe catch a movie, then lepak hahaha. tho i really wanna try a picnic date or a beach date, or arcade date or even painting/drawing date haha i think it’ll be fun

goals you want to achieve? for now i just wanna get that dip man

who makes you laugh? farhan, my dumbass friends lolol and surprisingly my bro cus he’s actually so lame lol its damn funny

last hug? farhan :(

someone you like? farhan???? but i love him already la ahhaha

any confession? i..... stole farhan’s heart >o<

have you ever peed in the pool? yes hahaha

first heartbreak? i can’t remember but a long time ago back in primary school, i liked this boy and i will always volunteer to bentang the tilam for naps and purposely put my napping mattress beside his so we will be able to sleep side by side lol wtf bodo sia hahaha but then he will purposely sleep the opposite of me. so example, he will sleep facing my feet instead of facing towards my face lol. so that one obviously rejection la but back then idk what’s heartbreak soooo

one celebrity you wanna meet? i’ve always wanted to meet bang yongguk or zico. i just wanna have a deep conversation with them cus i feel like they have a lot of experiences and advices to share

do you have trust issues? yes haha

any sport? i used to play basketball and swim but well not anymore. though i have been considering to invest in a basketball so i can use it as a form of exercise

first concert? BAP live on earth

favorite bands? pierce the veil, panic at the disco!, sleeping with sirens, black veil brides, imagine dragons, lord of the lost

studies or lovelife? both is equally important, there must be a balance between both

[0225pm]

i was clearing my camera roll and stumbled upon these qns and i am bored so why not

are you single? nope i am very happily in a relationship

birthday? june 13 crush? i am farhan’s number one fan LOL

did you get your first kiss? er ya?

easiest person to talk to? i would say seanna is the go-to person for anything and everything. she’s open to opinions and literally has zero mean bones in her.

favorite song? currently, this one the animation is pretty cool too

good at? annoying my bf hahaha jk! i guess, making art :)

hair color? hmm, i would say currently milk tea brown with some moss green. i’m trying to grow my hair out and not dye my hair anymore for the time being

in love? for sure

jealous of? people with high metabolism rate, naturally pretty people, people with confidence or knows how to fake their confidence well, there’s a lot more things i’m jealous of but they’re all very superficial haha sad how society has perceive everything on the surface level but well, this is the world we’re living in even if it’s temporary :)

known as? name wise, heidy. but ugh my friends should really stop calling me ivory >:( i guess i’m also known as someone who radiates positivity and makes people laugh with my chaotic evil energy but hmm deep down i think i’m quite the opposite actually haha

longest relationship? 3 years 5 months and ongoing hehe

middle name? binte? LOL

number? 13????? haha what

one wish? as cliche as this sounds, world peace. or maybe for covid to disappear or never even happened at all so everything can be back to how things were

person last texted? seanna

question always asked? why?

reason to smile? God decides to let me live another day, but also my bf even though he can be a pain in the butt but he’s MY pain in the butt hehe

song last listened to? this song the animation is lovely hehe, reminds me of those old disney animations

time you woke up? uh around 8pm today haha it’s so bad i made a mistake by staying up late and now my body clock is screwed..... it’s currently 5:09AM

3 biggest wishes? 1. i just wanna get married man come on please @ God change the mindsets or the malay marriage stigma/traditions of my parents, mainly my mom. 2. my hair to grow. i am honestly very insecure cus i am fucking balding, or like my hair is thinning right smacked in the middle. i think i should go check my iron levels at the doctor or something but i scared. 3. for more rezeki to come my wayyyyy and also my bf’s way so we can do number 1.

violent moment? none, just a lot of crying moments because i’m sensitive as heck :(

worst fear? i don’t like saying it cus i feel like sometimes when i say it out loud or when i type it out or when i think about it, it’ll come true so i’m just gonna keep it to myself.

ex you still liked after you broke up? none what the fuck. if i still like them why would we stay broken up man. i mean there is one that we broke up mutually. like both of us wanted to break up with each other but we’re not in contact after it ended and i like it that way. i truly believe in not staying as friends after breaking up. i usually will delete everything, including off social media cus it’s like a clean slate, a new beginning with the right person.

your last hug? with farhan on saturday T_T ugh i miss him

zodiac sign? gemini

[0225pm]

wow the quality of the video really sucks after it has been compressed but well i don’t have a choice!

anyway, i’m moving back to tumblr again mainly cus wordpress sucks and it’s not allowing me to post videos unless i buy their premium plan which is tbh a no cus idk why platforms for blogging should even charge you for the features that they were supposed to have???? also sadly, tumblr also only lets you post 1 video per post limit which is why i’ve put the pics and videos i took into in one but it’s better than not being able to post a video at all.

so it’s our monthsary!!!!

we’ve been officially together for 3 years and 5 months now and wow, i’ve only just realised what a long time that is 😂 honestly, if you want to count how long it has been since we first met each other, it’ll probably be about 8 years now. tho han sees it as 8 years but i see it as 3y5m cus idk who he was back then ya know what i mean? like i know the 3y5m him now than the him 8 years ago.

han sent me his live location as he does so every sat, and i was late. even tho he came all the way to my place i was still late :/ and i was so sorry 😭 i know there shouldn’t be any excuses for my lateness but i have my reasons, even if anyone thinks it isn’t valid :/ so i alr prepared right? like i mentally prepared and visualize what i wanna wear and etc. and so i went to take a shower and all. and then my mom all of a sudden asked me to do things like ordering food for her, clipping her nails, airfrying some sotong balls cus she was feeling peckish. initially she asked me to order food, which i then did but it was immediately cancelled due to the weather. it suddenly rained really heavily. and then while i was in her room drying my hair, she suddenly said she wanted sotong balls which i then went to airfry. and then when i alr did that and continued drying my hair, she then asked me to clip her nails and i was like “i’m going out ibu later farhan will be waiting for me alr” and she was like nvm la it will only take a while. so i did that and then i had to just rush cus i checked his live location and he was alr nearing tenaga area which is so damn close to my place alr. then i quickly picked out the outfit i wanted to wear. i mean come on, it’s our monthsary and i wanted to dress up right and i alr had this mental image of what i wanna wear right? so i took it out, wore it and then i realized that it was still a bit rainy??? like kinda drizzling so i figured he’ll be coming up first to wait till the rain totally stops but he texted me asking me to come down instead. and at this point i was sweating profusely. yeah, it was rainy but i was feeling so warm from rushing and doing so many things at once. oh ya, i was wearing this satin white shirt with shorts and that was my initial outfit like it looks laidback and casual and effortless but i decided to change cus i was perspiring and it felt so uncomfortable wearing a satin material when you’re perspiring like heck!! so i ended up wearing my fav tee with the same shorts and brought my hoodie along. it’s also my fav hoodie from uniqlo. i think their hoodie quality is bomz it’s not too thick or too thin and i wanna buy more but maybe wait till they have sales or something. so i ended up just looking super hobo as heck like it just looks like i didn’t even bother to dress up and i felt sad but i didn’t want han to be waiting even longer.

so when i went down he was alr sitting at the seats at the void deck and i can feel anger radiating within him lol like i knew he was mad and he still had his helmet on and his rain jacket on and all. and then he gave me different options of where to go for our lunch and then i just sat there pondering for a bit. and then i asked him if he wanted to put the jacket and pants at home but he didn’t want to so he took it off and then put it on the table and he took off his helmet as well. and then i asked him if we could eat at genki and he told me that genki was one of the options that he forgot to list so we decided on genki! his anger didn’t last long and as he stood up to head over to his bike i went to him and open up my arms cus i just wanted to hug him lolol then at first he tried to act all “ew” and moved away but he ended up hugging me anyway hehe and then don’t want to let go lol so bobo so cute. honestly i’m still shy??? around him wtf. like when i initiated the hug itself i felt so shy loooooollllll and when he didn’t wanna let go it made me blush wtf but ofc he can’t see cus we have to wear the stupid mask bc of stupid covid. i hate it wtf my face is so sensitive and it’s breaking out bc of having to wear the mask so my skin can’t breathe. like what’s the point of me not wearing makeup underneath the mask when i still break out anyway right zzz hais. ok sorry side track a bit but ya hahaha so then i told him i wanted to show him something!!! and then he was like “eh eh who said you let go” or was it “who said you can stop hugging” but it’s either one la hahaha then i took his hand and pull down my mask and then kissed his hand 😂 then i told him to look and i said “no transfer”!!!!!! hahahahaha cus i was wearing this lipstick and wtf man the formula is damn amazing really didn’t transfer anywhere at all. i even kissed my own hand and i even drank water but not transfer AT ALL. it was a gift i got from two years back i think hahaha for my bday from rai, a kylie kit and i haven’t worn it out before mainly bc the color didn’t suit my skintone cus the shade felt so light but when i wore it this time it felt like the shade was darker somehow? idk if i became pale from staying at home all the time or idk lol but i like the shade now 😌

oh at first i didn’t wanna go to tampines cus we always go to tampines hahaha and i guess i made a face and han teased me about it lol as much as it annoys me it’s a good kind of annoying? 😂 cus he’s so cute whenever he teases me in that way lolol but we ended up just heading to tampines anyway cus he wanted to save up on petrol also and i thought ok ya cus he has to work now and he has to go to and fro everyday so it’s better for him to save the petrol as well. i put on my hoodie and then we went to the usual parking spot at tampines. and then bc both of our masks were down i could actually kiss him hehe. and then from there we walked to the front entrance of the mall cus of this covid there’s only one in and out entrance but entering was a breeze tbh cus even tho there was a long line, we didn’t have to wait long.

then we went up to the escalator. and genki wasn’t crowded at all either so that was great!!! we did the safe entry thing, got our temperature taken and got our seats. then we ordered some food hehe. i was excited cus lol i love genki. not as much as i love my bf but if i have to choose an express sushi shop i would choose genki 😂 i wanted something soupy and filling so i got their beef udon since i alr had their duck udon the previous time we went there. and then i got a drink and chawanmushi as an appetizer. i love their chawanmushi as well and it’s something i will always get. i used to buy their clams miso soup but since it was taken out of the menu, i got their chawanmushi instead. and i was so happy when han decided to try the chawanmushi!!!!! i’ve always knew him as someone that wasn’t into eggs but he actually liked this one!! and he even ate the prawn and the naruto/japanese fish cake when i fed it to him omg 😭😭😭 i was legit so happy wtf hahahaha and then his fried squid came, also one of the hot foods i will always order but usually i’ll get it if i didn’t buy any of the udon. but since i alr got the udon i didn’t order it. and then his mini chicken teriyaki don came and lol the bowl was rly so mini ahahaha i wish i took a picture of it but i didn’t. but it was worth for the price of $4 i think since it was actually filled to the brim. there was even slices of tamago in it. he fed me a spoonful and it was nice!!! i’m gonna try that next time i go to genki if i’m feeling like eating rice 😂 i like udon cus of the chewy texture of the noodles and the soup. and then a plate of mentaiko fries came 🤤 there was A LOT of mentaiko on it it was so amazing and i was so surprise cus i didn’t order it but at the end of the day han said that he saw that i didn’t order the fries so he ordered it for me 🥺😍 so sweet hais and i really enjoyed it. i love genki’s mentaiko sauce it’s so damn goooooodddddd. so salty so nice. and then my udon came hehe and i devoured it. i fed han some too and gave him one of the fish cakes cus i think they made a mistake and put two pieces. the udon was so good i love it hahahaha. and then han ordered a seaweed roll, 2 more beef sushi and 1 mentaiko salmon for me hehe yes i know how to eat salmon now!!!! but it must be seared. i still can’t eat raw ones unless i rly dipped it in soy sauce or if it’s cut super thinly then maybe can try 😅

then after we finished eating, we went up to see if we can catch a movie. i wasn’t sure if we’re allowed to sit together so i asked him to ask first if we have to be separated and yay we don’t have to separate!!! so we decided to watch train to busan 2: peninsula. since we alr watched the first one together and there wasn’t much movies that were showing so we decided to catch the 5:10pm slot. it’s been so so so long since we last watched a movie tgt so this was nice. we didn’t get anything to eat since we just ate and i was still full but we had some time so we went to fairprice and got some candies. then farhan bought a root beer slushy which turns out to be scam!!! cus it’s just ice and it was practically solidified even after the movie was over it didn’t even melt much within 2 hours wtf. and then he also got a hotdog bun 😂

the movie was great. not as great as the first one cus the first one was definitely much more impactful but this one was not too bad. a bit too much “racing” scenes but i guess it’s to keep its audience on the toes. the storyline is a bit meh as well but i guess the suspense from some parts made up for it. it’s quite tragic though.

and then after the movie, i asked han if he still wanted pizza but when we saw the queue there was still a bunch of people waiting for their orders. even some foodpanda and grab delivery riders were waiting so i told him we’ll just order in and at first he was like we’ll see how but i ordered anyway. then we went out to head home and han finally lighted a cigarette. hahahaha he actually had to suppressed his desire to smoke cus we didn’t have time since i chose the earlier slot for the movie and im so proud of him for being able to suppress the feeling and yet not turning into a cranky momok.

while on the way back, he wanted to top up some petrol so we stopped by spc and then he wanted to top up his cashcard so we had to go one big round from the carpark to where he can top up his card but the machine is stupid!!! and he got upset cus he wasn’t able to top up his card. i think he still prefers the card with chip reader than the contactless ones. so then we decided to head to 7-11 so he can purchase one with chip but they ran out. so we decided to find another petrol station cus he said usually it’s being sold there too. so we did and this time round i guess i was being cranky cus the seat of his bike was eating into my skin and it hurts like heck so i told him to just top up the card since they don’t have the chip ones and he needed to top up anyway but then in front there was another petrol station and apparently they had a chip + contactless card there and i think they only accepted cash for it so he came out and then went in back and bought one there. and i was still cranky lol and i was perspiring so much both from my scalp to my body and it was drizzling too so all i wanted to do was head home so i got upset and i lashed it out on him when we made our way back cus he kept trying to make a joke out of the pain i felt and it just triggered me cus it’s like he doesn’t understand how much it hurts??

but it’s not his fault. cus i’m the one that chose to wear shorts even tho i know how much it hurts when i sit too long on the bike. and then he said he’ll cut the netting off but i was like no wtf. cus 1, we don’t meet everyday which sucks but ya we don’t and thus i’m not the one sitting on the back of his bike everyday so having to sit one day out of the week doesn’t bother me as much as having to sit on it everyday ya know what i mean? and 2, the parts that are still protected which is probably about 90-80% of the seat is still useable so it’ll be able to help protect the other areas from getting damage by the claws of cats.

and then when we got back, he wanted to pass his gummies to me but no one in this household eats gummies or candies. my mom can’t even eat sugary content cus of health, my dad isn’t a fan of gummies or candies he much prefers chips and chocolates and my brother too prefers chocolates or ice creams. i don’t like sugary content either but unless it comes from cakes or pastries or ice creams or chocolates so rly, no one is gonna eat it. and then he got mad at me and all i could hear was “you do to me can but when i’m doing it to you cannot” and i didn’t get what he meant by that tbh so i just kept quiet all the way till we’re home. i quickly took off my hoodie, changed into a more comfortable shorts went to take a piss and then went into my room. i sat down for awhile in front of the fan cus i was sweating so much and then i cooled down before i apologized to him and then asked him if he was still upset. i tried to get him to explain what he meant but couldn’t get anything out of him cus he just prefers to sweep it under the rug whereas i like to talk about it so i can see what i did wrong or which areas i have to improve or change so it can better our lives ya know but he’s not like that and i have to understand it so i just kept quiet and then i kissed him and stroked his face and hair a little.

and then he asked me if the pizza was here and i said ya hahaha it’s alr in the kitchen and whether he wants me to take it so he was like yes and as i was going to take the pizza he grabbed me and hugged me tight and i just instantly melted. it was genuinely hot lol i like this kinda shit hahahahaha but i’ve always felt afraid that i was gonna hurt him with my weight so i didn’t dare do anything that will shift my whole weight onto him but he didn’t care and he said it doesn’t hurt 🥺 haissss

honestly going home was all i was looking forward to. it’s not bc i’m horny lol or maybe that’s one of the reason but it’s mainly bc i just want to lay in his arms and just cuddle and give him kisses and also receive kisses. i’ve missed him all week long and we haven’t really been able to talk much since he’s working and he’s always tired when he gets home but it’s good that he’s working hard for his future and for our future.

and then the time for him to head home came. a truly saddening end of the day and he left a little later than usual but i’m just glad he got home safely and didn’t get lectured for being home a little late.

[0225pm]

[0225pm]

hello again

wow i went on quite a long hiatus (actually not really since i stopped posting in november) and stopped posting on this site. yeah i admit, i got lazy. but it’s also bc i stopped taking pictures of han for awhile.

anyway, i’ll update soon i guess! not sure if i still want to continue using this platform after they removed tumblr from the appstore for awhile but mcm sayang nak move to another blogging platform cus all my writings about han is here and idw to have any inconsistency – having to go back and forth between different platforms, if you get what i mean.

not sure if han still reads this blog but i’ll write again soon, goodnight :)

[0225pm]

it is currently 8:34am!!

just wanted to update on today’s events before i sleep.

so earlier this morning, i accompanied my mom to akmal’s madrasah graduation but rayhan managed to book out earlier than expected so he was able to come see the grad. but in the letter they said that they only allowed max of 2 people into the hall so i decided to just let my mom and rayhan go since tbh, i wasn’t wearing the proper attire to go in the masjid anyway. at first, i was kinda upset with my mom cus i didn’t see the point of me going if rayhan was going since only 2 people are allowed per child but then thinking of my mom going there on her own makes me worry a little since she’s rather frail so i decided to go with her and sent her to the masjid, waited for rayhan to come before making my way to bedok interchange.

it has been a rather long while since i’ve been to the interchange, or anyway really, on my own. i’m the kind of person that prefers having company than doing things alone. some may say that i lack independency but whatever it is, it’s always nice to have company. as i was walking around aimlessly in the mall, i thought of going to mcdonald’s to just lepak until my mom calls but it was too damn crowded and i missed the breakfast timing by a minute, so that was a bummer. but yeah, can you actually imagine me eating alone??? the last time i had to do that was back when i was working for YG at OG and taka, for my lunch break since i was working alone lol. but anyway, as i made my rounds at each levels, i finally decided to buy something to eat at old chang kee and then as i went back up the escalator, i thought of going to heartbeat but then again the thought of having to walk all the way there while i was socially sweating seems like a major no at that point so i decided not to and went to starbucks instead. alas, what a poor decision i’ve made. like literally, poor LOL cus i was $8.80 poorer after buying one of their christmas frappe lol and i didn’t even add whipped cream!! i should have said yes to whipped cream bc those are free unless you want extras, then you’ll have to pay. but anyway, the good thing is there was a lot of empty seats at starbucks which was quite weird considering that it’s a saturday but i was thankful cus it means that i didn’t have to stand awkwardly waiting for my mom to call.

so after i collected my drink, i sat down and i watched a couple episodes of chilling adventures of sabrina on netflix. luckily i downloaded a few so i managed to save on data haha but i didn’t think to bring my portable charger and my battery was getting pretty low after awhile. also i noticed that the person spelled my name as “hady” instead of “heidy��� lol but wtvr doesn’t bother me. and then i think around 1+ almost 2, my mom called saying that they’re done with the ceremony and then asking me to go meet her and my cousins at this shop called new rezki and at first i was kinda lost and then well, my mom has this habit of like screeching her voice into the phone so it sounds like she’s shouting and/or raising her voice intensely like as though she’s mad and pissed at you but really, she’s not. i guess it’s a bad habit she picked up after countless “huh hello” whenever she called someone. but yeah, so i got a little bit upset cus the feeling’s not good when someone is raising their voice at you and i was wearing my earpiece for goodness sake so i kinda raised my voice a little too and then like i said, i was lost so she tried to direct me but LOL i ended up just googling and apparently it’s just right across the interchange, roughly about 4 mins walk as stated on map.

after seeing me, we all started ordering the food we wanted. akmal got fried noodles, rayhan had to watch what he eat cus he’s in NS and he’ll be punished if he gains weight instead of losing so he got a bowl of beef salad. my mom got bee hoon kuah and i got their mutton chop. it was ok but very oily for my taste so i don’t think i’ll ever buy that again unless i’m craving for it and if i’m nearby. it’s a dollar cheaper than the ones selling at thohirah though. oh and the shop is 24/7 too! i guess most, if not all, mamak eateries are 24/7. after we had our lunch, my mom bought some lauk back for my dad and for dinner and then we all headed back to the interchange. from there we split ways with my cousins cus they were taking the bus at the entrance of the mall, whereas we were taking the one at the interchange.

the moment i reached home, i quickly took a shower again and shampooed my hair cus i perspired earlier on and as i was changing i heard knocking on my window. i was so shook wtf cus i wasn’t expecting anyone but turns out it was farhan. like seriously what the heck.... LOL i was happy la but i was also very shock cus i thought he was gonna take the train but he actually took a grab all the way to my place instead. damn bobo la hahahaha and i wasn’t even fully ready yet even. so i rushed and did my usual face makeup and then let him in so he didn’t have to wait so long for me outside and then i did my usual going out routine. drying my hair, straightening a little, picking outfits and putting them together in my head. for some reason i was super duper indecisive about my outfit today. like idk why i couldn’t just grab and go like i usually do. and i also always will look through look books or style accounts and then visualize it in my head and i’m set but idk why the hell was i so damn frikin indecisive and fickle minded about my outfit today i kept changing and changing and then wearing different pieces together and shit and lol i finally ended up wearing the first outfit i tried which was just a black dress with a denim jacket. the sad thing is, the dress was kinda short and when i walk it gets even shorter so every now and then i had to pull it down but it’s really a cute dress though i think it’ll be nicer on someone shorter haha.

we walked to the bus stop and then went to tampines cus i had to get the brooch that my mom wants at isetan and while on the way there we were thinking of what to eat and looking through links that i’ve saved on facebook on different places we can go and eat at but most of them were either too far or too expensive and we don’t have that kind of money to throw on food yet, especially not when we still have 2 more weeks left till end of the month. after awhile, we decided to stop at tamp hub and eat at the thai shop, the one where we ate before. but lol the queue was so long and it seems like a long wait + majority of the tables were filled so we settled for tenderfresh. i felt like having fish so i got their grilled fish with aglio olio and farhan got the chicken chop one. i like their aglio olio!! it has this mild spice taste and farhan says that it’s kinda like mee goreng. overall, it was nice. their buffalo wings could be a little bit spicy though but it was still good! 😋

after our late lunch early dinner, we went to isetan to see the brooches but sadly there wasn’t anymore sale price and it was going at $19 per pin so i called my mom and ask if she still wants it and she said no cus it’s too expensive and if it was $9 like before it’ll still be ok. so we ended up not getting anything there. though now thinking about i felt like i should have just splurge my money to get her one brooch at least since she has been wanting it when she first noticed it last saturday.

afterwards, i casually mentioned genki before to farhan and he thought i was joking but lol we ended up taking the train and going to genki cus i said that i wanna satisfy my cravings. we went to the bugis outlet and surprisingly the queue was moving really fast. i got the ones i wanted and we spent less than 20 bucks there which was really unexpected but also good i guess. i’m so thankful that farhan was ok with splitting the bill even though he didn’t even eat a lot. then after that we walked from bugis to dhoby as usual and i wanted to walk even further down towards plaza sing bus stop but we saw another 65 coming so we decided to walk back towards the sota bus stop and take it there instead hehe.

i really enjoyed my day today with him. it has been a wonderful day and i hope that we will have more good happy days like these. i like how we shared our music interest while on the bus ride home, and then i was so in awe when i heard him rapping!!! he really look so cool at that moment hahaha like im not kidding. maybe i’m the only one who sees him and think that he’s cool la but hahaha wtvr 😂 i also like how we joked a lot and just sorta teased each other lol or maybe that was me bc i kacau him on the train ride towards bugis hahaha and his reactions are all so cute wth i just wanna squish him 🥰😍 and then i get to lay in his arms!!!! that’s always my fav part at the end of the day tbh. just being in his embrace hais.... oh and he went home really late (or should i say early lol) around 7am cus we had a hard time booking a grab!!! but also bc we were busy playing ml hahaah we were on a roll but had to stop since he hasn’t been home for the whole day and me too but like my house is just here ya know whereas he lives all the way at the other side hahaha so yeah i gotta get him back home and to sleep also since we didn’t get much sleep that night. one day i wanna try sneaking him into the house and letting him just sleep in my brother’s room or something after my dad’s asleep. but idk if i have the guts haha or maybe should do like that time when he stayed in my brother’s room till really late and we played games together and watched movies on netflix. that was fun too 😁

[0225pm]

time check: it’s currently 2:45AM and i just thought i should write something before i head to bed hahaha!

i’m not sure if i have to go to akmal’s graduation later cus idk if rayhan has already booked out or not but we will see later. hopefully i can finish typing before 330AM at least!

so today was a rather happy day!!!

i honestly felt really happy haha idk why but han was being so clingy and affectionate today i absolutely love it!! 🥰

around 3+, he texted me asking if i wanted to come over to his place and i actually had some grocery shopping planned but i decided to push it to another day so i can spend this day with him since this doesn’t happen everyday. then around 4+ he messaged me asking me if i know that he’s gonna be fetching me and i was like whaaaatttt??? ofc i didn’t know that la since he didn’t mention it beforehand but thank goodness i already showered, just had to prepare. i initially thought of going to his workplace to fetch him then go to his place together after that but since he said he was fetching me i took my own sweet time to prep hahahaha and then this bobo asked me if i can fry food for him lol 🙄 lucky for him the fridge has some frozen spicy nuggets and then my dad asked me to fry all the samosas since there were only 6 left so i did!

i didn’t know how many nuggets i should fry so i just went with the standard 6 and then added in 1 of the samosa to make lucky number 7 HAHAHA LOLLLLL. by the time he came, the food were already cold hahah but he still ended up eating it anyway cus he was really hungry and hadn’t had anything to eat for the whole day. his excuse? no time 🙄 seriously.... nak kene debik??? no time then must make time even if it’s 15 minutes, still have to eat something!!! cannot go back to your bad irregular eating habits of eating one meal per day!!! but ya so anyway, he drove on for quite a while to go back to the company and we managed to catch the sunset together. it was very beautiful i love watching the sunset and sunrise but if i have to pick one, i’ll pick sunsets cus the atmosphere is not as humid at night hehe 😛

han was being very affectionate in the van and lol i know mentioning this will probably make him do it less just to spite me 🙄 but i seriously love it when he’s all clingy and shooting all these cupid arrows directly to my heart hahahahah like i just instantly go all melty and warm i love itttttt 😍 and then when we reached the company, i really badly had to pee so he let me in and i felt so fucking relieved sia hahah cus i’ve actually been holding it ever since i left the house. i know i know.... why didn’t i go and pee before leaving the house??? well i wanted to but then i didn’t feel like it until after getting into the van and i didn’t want to make him wait so i just tahan all the way hahahahaha oh and did i mentioned that be cracked one super lame joke lol..... he asked what’s the diff between air and wind and i thought he was asking for real??? i didn’t know it was a nonsense quiz 🙄 but apparently the answer was - air is from the mouth, wind is from the butt. or something like that LOL lame la hahaha take the L bb!!!!

then after that we walked to the bus stop, and then took the bus to admiralty. i have to say, i really like it when han puts his hand around my waist. granted, i don’t have the nicest or smallest waist cus i have fats all around it but it still felt really nice to be held there. tbh, i used to not like that feeling cus i felt like it’s so weird?? sometimes i see couples doing it and i thought, how the hell are they walking with the hand around the waist???? but it actually felt really comfortable for some reason hahaha so ya i rly like it pls do it more often bb hehe 😚

then we had like some debatacle about the human organs and then he asked me which is the largest/longest organ of the human body. and i know what’s the largest cus it’s the skin. i watched this science video before and they mentioned it but he said no, it’s the brain. so i was like ????? what???? then i googled and turns out it’s the skin LOOOOLLLL and as for longest, i think it’s the liver. HAHAHAHA BOBO SIA THIS HAN but i still love you ok haha i love all your silliness and lameness 😘❤️ then we went to chateraise hehe and i got mochi as per usual and i decided to try one of their waffle looking ice cream yogurt. it tasted like coconut to me, han said it’s not bad. but he doesn’t rly like ice cream cus of the coldness to his sensitive teeth. so in general, eating ice cream is something rather rare since it hurts his teeth.

after that, we took the train and went to his area. i bought happy meal!!! cus i want to collect all the toys hehe and for the first one i decided to get the pikachu just in case it get sold out since pikachu seems to be one of the more popular pokémon. then i felt like the happy meal wasn’t gonna be enough cus well it’s basically just a kids meal - 4 nuggets and fries so i thought of getting something else to eat from kfc. but i felt like so muak liddat cus i can literally always get kfc anytime since there’s one at my area. so i told han that i’ll be getting some carrot cake maybe at encik tan but when i go there idk why but the picture looks kinda unappetitizing suddenly so i walked around the basement and finally settled for bread hahaah yaaaa i didn’t wanna eat carbs but i still got carbs in the end lol but guess what i didn’t even touched it and it’s now sitting in my room. i’ll prolly eat it tomorrow for breakfast hahaha! ok then after all that, we walked back to his place!!! i greeted his dad and then we sat in the living room. initially i wanted to go to his room and sit there but i saw his bro watching fortnite so i decided to stay and watched too and then watched both of them played a couple games of warfare and fortnite and fifa while simultaneously watching the series i’m currently watching on netflix - sabrina’s chilling adventures. i downloaded a few eps before meeting han just in case.

then han played a round of csgo i think on his pc and then i told him i was gonna go home hahahaha like i just wanted to see his reaction la tbh and he’s just so cute wtheck then after his game was over he came back and sat at the living room area and then we decided to watch the kissing booth which was on netflix hahaha and this bobo ah rly. i asked him if he watched before then he hesitated to answer but i knew he watched before cus he did sorta mentioned it once?? so i asked him why u watch again? then he said, cus u haven’t watch. then he smiled 😁 what a bobo!!!!! but ya we ended up watching till the end, somewhat. cus my driver came already and i had to leave. yeahhhh i had no choice but to book before 1am cus grab takes away hitch from 1-5am and hitch is rly the much cheaper option!!! and all those while i could tell han was alr rly tired and worn out but he kept fighting sleep. his eyes were red and he kept rubbing them lol all those are signs of sleepiness but he still kept fighting them off hahahaha silly bb. and he still managed to send me off all the way downstairs and kissed and hugged my goodbye in the lift before we go. also i think it was the first time(?) he actually said, see u tomorrow to me cus yeah haha we’re actually gonna meet again tomorrow it’s our weekly dating day hehe. i can’t wait to see his stinking cute face later and spend the whole sat and morning of sun with him laterz hehe.

ok time check: 3:27AM!! i managed to stay before my deadline timing for this post. goodnight world!

[0225pm]

it is currently 2:28am, and i’m still wide awake hence i’ve decided to come on this little space to write about today’s event. it wasn’t a good one but i feel like things are somewhat settled for now.

anyway, let’s start from the top.

so earlier this afternoon, dayah suddenly asked me if i can accompany her for her preinterview. we did talked about this before but i didn’t know that she wanted to go today at such last minute notice until she texted me around 5+? since i haven’t had my dinner, i thought okay why not. i could use some company too even though my initial plan was to just stay home and have maggie for dinner or fry some eggs. but also because my mom wanted me to help her get some stuff from ntuc i thought okay la can kill 2 birds with 1 stone. i get to fill my tummy and also get my mom’s frozen curry puffs hahaha.

idk why but i suddenly felt like zero motivation to go out and i almost wanted to cancel on her but thinking that she’s already at bedok waiting for me i felt kinda bad if i suddenly canceled and made her go for her preinterview alone. i mean, we did discussed about it before and i said that i’ll go with her whichever day it’s on but i just didn’t like the fact that she last minute told me about this and expected me to quickly get dressed and follow her. anyway, i just laid in bed for about 20 minutes before i decided to force myself to just go ahead cus like i said above, 2 birds with 1 stone. the given variables were very much leaning towards me having to go out anyway so yeah, might as well right?

so i showered, got dressed, literally took my own sweet time and then took the bus to bedok interchange. from there, we took the train towards the red line. i thought that we were taking all the way to city hall but upon looking at the map, i realised that it’ll be much faster to take to bishan and then change to the red line from there. initially, she told me that we were going to amk mrt so i was like okay sure. i thought that the preinterview was at some company that’s located at amk. then while we were on the train, i texted han to see if he wanted to meet me. i wanted to have dinner with him and since we’re on the red line maybe we can all have dinner together. and then dayah told me that we were going to yck, specifically ite cc. and i was appalled cus i thought we were going to amk cus that was what she told me at first and then she said, no la we going amk ite. but honestly, i could have forking sworn that she said amk mrt not ite. so i had to tell han the change of plans. fortunately, it was just one stop of a difference between yck and amk. dayah then decided to invite rashad, one of her newly made friend from the internet. she had met him before so this was their second time meeting each other. at first, i was against it cus i knew han wouldn’t be cool with it. he doesn’t like socializing actually, and even more so when he’s so tired from work. but then i thought oh go ahead, cus that just means that i can spend more time with han without feeling guilt of leaving dayah alone. and then dayah mentioned that rashad joked about how it was like a double date cus apparently she told rashad that was with my bf.

anyway my thought was: if rashad is coming to meet dayah then we can split from yck after she’s done with the interview. she can go meet rashad and have dinner together and then i can go back towards yew tee with han. i mean, i get to send han home and at the same time still manage to spend some time with him on the way back.

during that point, nothing was confirm yet.

cus dayah said that rashad was going for a jog and even if he can join, it’ll probably be after 8pm. so she didn’t thought much about it and the convo was left as it is. but what i didn’t know was, during the time that dayah went for the preinterview, she texted rashad and gave him a choice, whether to meet her at amk or at our area. i only got to know about this when we were going back, waiting for the bus towards amk interchange. han got really upset while we were walking on the overhead bridge cus he felt like i didn’t informed him and made decisions on my own and when he got to know that rashad was already at our area, he was more than just upset. but the thing is, both me and dayah didn’t even know that he will be coming to our area. like it was literally out of the blue. he suddenly texted dayah to tell her that he’s waiting for her at mcdonalds.

and then han got really upset, he even lets go of my hand and whipped out his phone instead. and then when we boarded the bus, i went on the upper deck and saved a seat for him but he didn’t came up so dayah ended up sitting next to me instead.

honestly, i didn’t know what was wrong at that point of time. i thought oh, was he mad at me cus he felt like i was making decisions without informing him? but to me, i wasn’t even making a decision cus whatever happens with rashad and dayah doesn’t concern me and its not like our paths will ever cross (refer to my thoughts above) but han thought that when i mentioned our area, it means that both me and dayah will be meeting him and he didn’t like the fact that i’m tagging along but i assured him that that isn’t gonna happen cus seriously, who likes being a third wheel or a lamp post? and besides, why would i even wanna go with her to meet this guy when i myself am already attached?

okay then anyway, i received a text from han while i was on the way home saying that he wanna talk so the moment i reached the void deck, i texted him asking if he wants me to call him and he said yes. so i called him and then we talked, cried, talked again, cried again, and then talked. to be very honest, at that point of time i wished that teleportation exists so i can just teleport myself to wherever he was and just physically be there for him. i didn’t know that i hurt him. i’ve always thought he’s like the cool, okay do whatever u want as long as u know where to draw the line, where’s ur limits. but i didn’t know that my actions made him feel jealous, and really upset and hurt when i didn’t tell him things. i guess i thought it wasn’t important to me cus like i said above, it doesn’t concern me. like my only thought was to see him, everyone else doesn’t matter. but to him, it was rather important.

so we talked for a bit more, and then he had to go to sleep since he has work the next day. he sort of sent me home via the call cus he waited till i went up the lift and literally stood outside of my house before he ended the call. he wanted me to open the door and all but lol my dad sleeps in the living room and like i just wasn’t in the mood to be questioned or nagged at as to why i’m on the phone when it’s already so late (if u don’t already know, my dad sometimes likes to assume things and will say things like ��kau da kluar jumpa bf kau tk cukup ke masih nak bbl kat telephone”), like ya he always assumes stupid things like that, sometimes his tone is in a joking way, sometimes it’s serious. idk it’s just unpredictable and i just don’t have it in me at that time to entertain his nonsense. plus, i was carrying my bag of snacks anyway so ya.

hmmm, it’s 3:14am now and overall, i feel better that i’ve talked to han. i don’t think it’s 100% settled, but i’m still glad that we’re mature enough to talk things out instead of avoiding them and giving each other the silent treatment for dunno how many days until someone breaks the silence. i love him, i really do. there’s really no one else that has shaken my heart and literally made himself a home in my heart like the way he has. i just wished that i found that feeling sooner. he really made me feel things that i didn’t know u can feel for someone. it’s crazy how deep and rooted my feelings are........

sorry for rambling, goodnight.

[0225pm]

extra videos i saved from my igstory for the day

[0225pm]

[0225pm]

current time check - 2:41AM

LOL guess who just had a mental breakdown over a game haha ya das right it’s me :-)

you’d prolly think it’s weird for someone to just burst out crying in tears over something so trivial like a game but i couldn’t tahan my frustrations already so yes, those were tears of frustrations. unfortunately, i couldn’t hold back the tears long enough and farhan heard me trying to stifle my cries. he knows me so well that he can even differentiate my voice breaking.

anyway, the reason why i cried was for a few reason la actually. initially, i decided to download steam to see if there’s any games that can be played on macOS and then i remembered this screenshot that seanna sent me other day about Blizzard giving away Destiny 2 for free for a limited time (if i’m not wrong it’s only till Nov 18). so i decided to login my blizzard account and download the game but sadly it’s not available for play on the OS. and then i decided to download league of legends cus farhan plays it and it’s also the only free to play PC game that we can play together.

the thing is, i was so damn excited lol i even thought that he was asleep and instead of telling him straight away that i downloaded LoL, i decided to post it on instastory cus i know for sure he’ll watch it and there i was, having these jittery feeling and imagining how happy he must be when he finds out later. so after downloading, creating an account and doing the tutorial i explored some of the different champions and their abilities. the first one i picked was miss fortune? is it? i can’t really remember but i think she’s a marksman? there are still a lot of things i gotta learn but i’m willing to try cus it seems pretty interesting and i always see farhan watching all those LoL gameplays on youtube.

and then around 12+ farhan called me sounding pretty excited cus he watched my stories already and then he asked me about the game all and that’s when i realized that i downloaded the wrong server. i was on the north america server when i was supposed to download the one for asia. so i was like omg really? i didn’t know that there were different servers. he then tried to guide me on what i should do. apparently i was supposed to download the one under garena and that’s when shit happened haha like this was 1 triggering point for my frustrations. why???? cus!!! garena doesn’t support OS what the fuck..... i tried searching and reading different forums but the only way for me to be able to download garena is if i use Windows lollllll or if i bootcamp my Mac so that it supports Windows but it will take a huge toll on my Mac cus well technically it isn’t made for games.

i thought i was pretty fucked cus this just means that we can’t play together but then he suggested that he’ll download the NA version and i was like okay but deep down i really felt like omg la bc of me he’s actually gonna download a server he don’t even play at. so i waited for a bit and then he suddenly let out an exasperated outburst cus he couldn’t remember his login details and he tried and tried but to no avail until finally, he managed to find out his username. it’s a pretty lame one haha sorry bb! and then we tried playing AND THIS IS WHEN I GOT SO DAMN TRIGGERED LA HAHAHAHA like it was okay in the beginning and then suddenly i was lagging like heck i couldn’t even move my champion. it was so bad that i was just stuck there and the screen glitches every now and then zz it fucking sucks and i got so upset about it i even took out my upsetting feelings on my bb haisssss and then after that game, he told me that he was gonna go sleep and i was like haven’t you already sleep enough and he was like nope cus apparently he played games the whole day and all these while i thought that he was so damn tired that he knocked out cus he didn’t reply to any of my messages for hours.

we said goodbyes on discord and i immediately just restarted my laptop. i thought of playing another round to try and see if the lag persist but before i could do that he called me. i picked it up and we talked a bit about the game. he asked me if i was still stuck and i said no i’ve restarted my laptop. and then all of a sudden i just started tearing up lol and i guess he was kinda shocked too la haha like wtf so dumb crying over a game and it wasn’t even a ranked game sia haha it was barely a test run - kinda like playing classic on mobile legends. but i guess he too knew how it feels cus he said that he cried a lot of times over stupid lags too. and then we came to a point where we decide that we will try to save money together so we can get a Windows laptop.

thinking about it now, it makes me laugh at myself. it’s unlike me to be so easily frustrated over something so trivial like lagness especially when the game isn’t a competitive one but i guess it was from all the build up of excitement too, and then having that feeling just immediately disappeared and turned into disappointment instead. it sucks la but i’m gonna try again when i’m awake later and see if the lag is still there. i’m pretty sure it will still lag so i’m not gonna get my hopes up high but part of me still hopes that the lag won’t be so crazy like today.

goodnight!

[0225pm]

lol my brother is so annoying hahaha but i think i’ll miss his presence especially when he’ll be away for 3 weeks to india.

my fast food dinner was sponsored by ms aidah hahaahah and i decided to try the new spicy burger at macdonalds and i like the patty but not much of the bun haha i think i still prefer mcspicy la than this. i thought it’ll be more spicy than mcspicy but i think mcspicy is much more spicier and has juicier party too. overall it was good but i don’t think i’ll be back for seconds unless i have the feel for it.

i like watching something while eating so i decided to watch batman ninja on netflix. it has been in my list for quite some time after i saw adil posted about it on his igstory a few weeks ago but i never got round to it cus i was catching up on all the missed 2d1n episodes and runningman too. also i figured my brother will like watching something like this so i suggested watching it together in his room since his ps4 can be connected to netflix. but lol we had to wait almost 30 mins cus there was a software update and it can’t be ignored so while waiting we talked a bit - about mobile legends and buying skins, of which i don’t condone!! cus it’s so expensive!! and also about his current rs problem with his gf. i’m too lazy to elaborate but mmm i guess not every absence makes the heart grow fonder....?

after waiting for what seems like forever, it finally updated and we watched the movie for a little bit until he had to prepare for book in. he asked me to continue watching on my own and idk why but i felt sad hearing that haha. tbh i don’t like doing things on my own. i like to share my interests with others and i want to do things with other people around. maybe some people will say that i’m too dependant and have such low self reliance but don’t you think it’s sad to do things alone when you can do it together? maybe for those who has always been doing things alone they won’t really understand how i feel but hmmm i don’t think this is an aspect of me that will change anytime soon. i like being in the company of people i like rather than alone even if it means i have to travel to see them haha unless ofc it’s already so late for me to go back and forth cus even though singapore is small, it still takes about an hour and a half to two hours journey from one end to another end.

lol sorry haha i’m like rambling on and on but anyway, i didn’t finish the movie.