#Hey Brother do you still believe in on another? Chapter3

[sunny-mercya]

Hey, Brother do you still believe in one another?

03. Of Jealousy and Blessings

Heiji Hattori x Male Reader | Plantonic! Shinichi Kudo x Brother Reader

Fandom -> Detective Conan/Case Closed

Masterlist | Previous / Next |

My jealousy, jealousy started following me

I'm losing it, all I get's jealousy, jealousy 

Jealousy is such an ugly and petty emotion. It can make humans do the most regrettable things and brings the worst out of them. Jealousy is a unpleasant feeling no one wants to feel, and yet it is almost one of the most humane, because it makes you self-reflect in a way—unknown for others, but for you to understand.

Sachiko had no clue how exactly you had found out, about Shinichis secret calling and she didn't want to know either—but maybe she should have told you right away, instead of promising Ran not to. 

Seeing you walking back and forth in your room, boiling with minimal anger and ranting in jealousy was a sight Sachiko rarely liked to witness. After all you're a gentle person, but even you had limits and they were getting tested till they reached their point of bursting.

«Hey, [Name], maybe Shinichi has a explanatory reason for it, so how about you take some deep breaths and relax?» Sachiko hoped at least so, because if he don't......if he don't......Sachiko wasn't even so sure what then though.

You only heard half of what Sachiko has said to you. Too busy with thinking? Honestly you don't even know how thinking works at all, one of the many unsolved mysteries in the universe. How could someone tell that they are having thoughts? The same applies to emotions. How can you tell?

You stopped mid tracks, glancing at the photo of Shinichi, which stood on your nightstand, for mere seconds. How could he? How dare he? How dare he!

«HOW DARE HE?! WHO THE FUCK DOES SHINICHI THINK HE IS?!» 

Sachiko flinched at your outburst, she never heard you raise your voice with such anger in it. Not expecting [Name] to take the photo and throw it, with such a force, onto the ground. The Glass shattering into pieces and scattering around the room. When you turned to Sachiko and pointing a finger at her, she knew what was about to come.

«And you! You knew and didn't told me? Why huh?» 

Guilt crawled through Sachikos heart, bringing it to a painfully clench. You were right, Sachiko was your friend after all, she should've have told you, but she also was a friend of Ran—doesn't matter how she thought about it, someone would always be upset either way.

She saw your tear filled eyes and how you tried to hold them back as best as you could. Your knees had buckled, sinking onto the ground—you gripped the photo together with the shards, so tightly till you saw blood dripping down. Sachiko moved down from your bed, kneeling besides you and took you into her arms.  

You couldn't hold tears back anymore, crying and sobbing in a ugly mess, which raked through your body. Leaning more into Sachikos hold, your grip on the photo tightens even more, crumbling it. 

Why? Why was Shinichi doing this? Why does he ignore you but not Ran? Just because Ran was the girl he got a crush on, doesn't mean she was special enough and have the privileges of getting a call from Shinichi in the first place. 

So Ran was important to him, but not you—his own brother? What kind of logic was that even? 

There was a silence between you two, as Sachiko bandaged up your hand. None of the two had utter a word, after you had calmed down enough to be in a more rational headspace.

«You know what I will do Sachi? I will block his number. So that if he decides to call me at all, he can't. Because I'm gonna ignore him, just like he does with me.» You told her, having made a finally decision. 

Not only would you block his number, but you would throw everything which reminded you of Shinichi—all the memories you two had gathered and had a place in your room, into the basement. Out of sight, out of mind. 

It was for the best, you were sure. For your own well-being and mental health. 

You knew that Ran wasn't at fault here, had no right to give her all the blame,  but you couldn't help yourself with that jealousy towards her. There wasn't anger, just jealousy. And you didn't know how it would go from now on or how you could talk with Ran, without that lingering petty emotion inside of you.

Heiji leaned against a Bookshelf, hands buried deep into his pockets, glancing at his Rival. So Heiji had lost against Kudo, even when he was so sure, he was the far better Detective. But being a great Detective means also to admit defeat, something you had told him once.

«I was sure I would win, but I admit my defeat.» Heiji gave a nod towards Kudo, shrugging his shoulders. Perhaps indeed, Kudo was worthy of being called his rival of the East. And maybe Kudo was a Great Detective as well, but only maybe.

«Hattori, there's no win or lose, neither good or bad in what we do....because there's always only one truth.» Shinichis voice was hoarse as he spoke, he could feel the heat—which was burning his whole body, no boiling it, from the inside out. Shinichi knew he hadn't much time left, before he either shrunk back or die for real now. 

A pained gaps escaped from his mouth. Gripping at his chest, where his heart was—beating way too fast. Shinichi ignored Heijis worries, shaking off the helping hand, who steady him, as he begun to stumble forward. Not enough time and Shinichi still had to tell Hattori something.

Shinichi coughed, steadying himself again and looking at Hattori. Taking a few breaths. God, he felt as he couldn't form any words nor speak anymore. He bite his tongue for a moment, the pain to distract his fuzzy like mind to fall into a state of unconscious.

«You know Hattori, I was skeptical at first, when my brother told me about you. But now I think you're more than enough for [Name], so, be his Knight in shininess amour and protect him at all costs. I'll give you my blessing,» 

Shinichi was wrong about his judgmental view about  Hattori (and you). Hattori was the right person for you, even though he still believes that there could be someone better out there. Shinichi just didn't wanted to admit it to himself; how you had grown and could choose the love of your life on your own.

Hattori was enough, more than enough, for you and Shinichi had to accept that one way or another. 

Heiji was confused. Didn't understand what Kudo had told him and what [Name] had to do with it. He was confused but before he could ask for any elaboration, Shinichi had bolted out of the room—looking as he was about to vomit. 

Heiji rushed after him, seconds later. Too late, stopping at the staircase and Shinichi was just kind of gone? 

Than it dawned on Heiji what Shinichi just had told him.

It was around 8PM when you had open the door for Heiji, who looked a bit soaked from the starting rain. You had offered him a towel, after he slipped off his shoes and into the slippers. 

While Heiji dried himself off, you gave him a sideways hug. Taking his hand and pulling him towards the kitchen, where the smell of Curry was floating around the air. While Heiji took a seat at the table, you walked to the stove and stirred the curry one more time, before filling two plates with it and adding some rice. Setting the plates down on the table, you took a seat yourself.

During the meal you both had conversed about various topics. When you had asked Heiji if he had solved a case today, he told you with delight about it.

«Huh, so Shin-chan was there too?» you asked him at one point. So the fucker couldn't give you a call or anything like that of a sign but showing up at a crime scene and solving the case—that could he do? Asshole.

Heiji snapped his fingers at you, getting your attention and focus, that damned questions he has, burned on his tongue.

«Oi, why didn't you told me sooner that your Kudos brother?»

«Eh? Didn't I told you at the beginning of our relationship? No?, oh, now you know» 

«Damn it [Nickname], that's a bit embarrassing for me, ya know? Now Kudo thinks I'm sort of a fool,» Heiji sighed, finding it unbelievable sometimes how you could be so forgetful about such trivial and mundane information. 

The only response he got, was a heartily chuckle of yours, which makes him grin in return.

I get the feeling that I'm giving up,

on something I love

We shouldn't have to try so hard

[bang-me-bangtan-style]

 CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER1 | CHAPTER2 | CHAPTER3 | CHAPTER4 | CHAPTER5 | CHAPTER6 | CHAPTER7 | CHAPTER8 | CHAPTER9 | CHAPTER10 | CHAPTER11 | CHAPTER12 | 

WORD COUNT:3068

ANA POV more tragic flash backs

I don't think you would ever understand, or even try to understand. Unless you went through it. The pain and love I've felt over these last few years were like a blur. Only because I've tried to Shut most of it out and pretend it wasn’t happening, along with my thoughts of Sehun. And recently I have realized that   it never permanently goes away. It always comes back. To creep up of what you tried to Shut out, and I hate it. I just plain hated it.

Sehun never deserve none of this. Hell he didn't deserve anything but the best, but I gave him the worst. There was No doubt that that I know how he felt when I treated him the way I did. But as always   I thought of my own self I didn't care about his feelings only my own. It was the only thing just to help me sleep at night. because if not, then all I thought about was how wrong I was for being in love with him.

I would prey someday I would get better, someday I would make it though you know, but that didn't seem like it would happen as I would always have these thoughts of destruction, tearing me down and back to Sehun.  No matter how hard I would try, Sehun was who I was utterly stupidly in love with. And it wouldn't change, no matter how hard I would try.no matter who I threw myself at.

 And so, I came up with the idea: Maybe if I taught myself to hate him than maybe I wouldn't love him any more you know? And so, that's what I did. Four straight years it has been since I've done this and do you want to know the progress? Nothing, I still fucking love him the Same as before, maybe even more. why am I still treating him this way? Because it would be a fucking hassle to life, to just wake up one day and suddenly care! When you’re so into a routine, a habit, an addiction it’s hard to fucking stop. I wish I could stop. Seeing him this way make me want to stop, but could I? Would I? It’s been going on for to damn long for me and try to take things back to how they were. And if I did, Sehun would ask so many questions that I wasn't ready for!

 So Yeah, it's not easy or will it ever be easy. Shit. I hate this, I hate it so much. What am I to do with life. Continue to hide, hide this forbidding secret and go on with life. No honestly, I don't think I'm going to last any longer I mean I almost just cracked to luhan because it was being to be too much again. I'm cracking, I'm breaking, and soon it's going to come out whether it's from my mouth or someone else's, that is if they find out without me telling them. Nobody knows this but me. And I would like to keep it that way. But these days I have not one Clue as to what’s going to happen it the future. Really this time it's unknown to me. Just like the future it’s supposed to be. Instead of me trying to create it

 A few years ago

 Finally, Sehun would leave me alone about hanging with his friends I had found new ones. My own crew. Someone to hang out with me without me feeling as if I might burst under the company of one of them. I mean it was good that I had my own friends and Sehun had his. I didn't feel as if at any moment, I would suffocate and die, because now that Sehun wasn't around 24/7, I could breath. I could finally breath.

 I could tell that Sehun didn't like that fact that I was hanging with guys. But not his guy friends. He didn't understand the difference.  It only leads him to believe that I hated him. Which wasn't true but it was best if uncorrected. he didn't never need to know and I didn't need to tell.it was best that way.

 We would walk around in the house like strangers. Like we came into the world in different days. Like we never shared the Same womb, or the Same mom, we had really hit rock bottom then. We didn't know another anymore. And we couldn't recognize one another either. And again, it was best that way.

 "Sehun, are you and Ana mad at another or something? You to seem a Little off?" Mom had asked Sehun at the dinner table and I had snapped my head up at his reply. I glared at him and he glared back. If he said something that would make things worse and piss me off..." ani, we just don't hang out as much. Ana has found new friends so we aren’t as close but I still love her and want to hang with her. But I understand. It was bound to happen right Ana." He smiled. And fuck was it fake. But mom didn't notice neither would dad. They were so oblivious, I’m surprised they noticed this much.

 "Right. " I said with the fake-ist smile I could plaster. "Oh, I'm so sad yebo our twins aren't as close as they were, but I'm happy you guys are finding yourself I never thought you two would separate, but it's a good thing my adults." Your mother said emotionally.  But if she only knew, if she only knew.

I felt like I needed to throw up having the attention on me and sehun's relationship. I looked at sehun who was looking at his food. Pushing his fork around. He was done eating but he didn’t want to be rude and get up. We hardly spend time with our parents as is.

He looked up and met my eyes and we just stared as our mom went on and on about us having to grow up and how she remembers when… I looked away not because I couldn’t handle it but because I didn’t want our mom to ask what my problem was. Sehun kept staring at me though. I ignored him and I ignored our mom as she went on about me and his close used to be relationship. Eating slowly but surley.

  ***

"Your welcome." Sehun said as he passed me up on the stairs."

us both got to the top and stood in the area of the middle of the hallway.

"For what?"  you rolled your eyes.

"For lying for you. We both know you hate me, and don't want to be around me he said with an sadness in his voice but then it disappeared. This was the first time he addressed or relationship as 'I know you HATE me'  thing , and it never eneded there, from here on out he would go on and on in the future about it

"Just be thankful okay because next time I won't help you." he said harshly.

"I don't need you to fucking help me Sehun." I said becoming angered by his cockiness getting in his fac quickly. "And I do fucking hate you. I...I... wish you weren't my brother I wish you weren't here." And that there was the first time I pushed out the hate to him to cover up my insecurities. “the hate love” indicating I really didn't want him around. That was the first time I wished him dead. And I would never forget the hurt and sadness on his face. That is also where the real pain began.

 Since that day we would fight nonstop and I would say as much hurtful things to hurt him, again just to make me feel better about myself. Because I just didn't want to except that I was in love with someone who I could never have. It just dawned on me that I was to rid of these feelings. I didn't want to feel like this. And it had me depressed. But just like everything else, I hid that as well. And soon I was full of secrets. And I bet if you shook me some of them could fall out. But I would try and hold them all in my arms to my grave.

***

And then this day came…..

"Hey noona how come you never talk to your brother." that day had come. People were realizing the Oh twins weren't close anymore and they were curious. And so, I had to tell them. How was I to reply to such a straight forward question?

 At that moment, all six eyes we on me. We were at Luhan’s house it becoming the hangout spot automatically. A few months after winter break was over and luhan figured out that I was a twin and the boys figure it out not to long ago too. Since he got in our group his house was the house we would Always stay and hang out at after school since He's the only one whose parents weren't living with them. (They were back in China.)

 "Ummm we had a big fight and since then we kind of finally separated from that attached at the hip thing. So Yeah..." you said not really lying. But it was just your fault. But they didn't need to know all the details.

 "Oh well I'm not close with my brother either." Said luhan.

 "It’s okay things happen." lay said.

 "Mabey, you guys could get close again." Suggested Xiumin.

"Yeah...." you said. But little did he know that was the last thing you wanted.

 *end of flash back*

 "How is he doing?" Baekhyun said through the phone. It was the next day and you had just woken up next to Sehun in the chair next to his bed. "He is doing fine." You said looking over to his sleeping frame. "Okay well I got to go class is going to start I'll try and collect all your homework. Anyeong. "

 Luhan had went to school so you stayed overnight by yourself. And you told both boys to not say a word to anyone if they ask where you both were it was just none of their business.

 Your looked over to a sleeping sehun. Him being hooked to all these machines killed you.

 7:15am

 The time said. Ah. You needed to get some sleep. Hopefully when you woke Sehun would be up.

 Just as you were about to drift to sleep your phone started buzzing.

 °°°°°°°mom calling°°°°°°°

 Great.

 You quickly got up and stopped outside Sehuns door.

"여버세여?" You  answered. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" Your mother who was furious on the other line screamed at you. She screamed so loud you knew that the nurses station could hear you.them looking at you concerned. So you quickly went down the hall and pushed the door button and entered the main hallways of the hospital. "Oma, he is fine n-"

 "No what is wrong with my baby Ana what happened?!" Let's face it there was No way getting around this. This was her favorite son "Oma your son, he tried to kill himself." Instantly you started to cry. Oma whatever you do don't be mad at him. Obviously...." your tried to choose your words carefully. "Obviously, he has his reasons he n-"

 "No! He has no reasons. Suicides Ana, that doesn't have a reason. There should never be an optional route! " she screamed in the phone."

 Yeah, your mother was really harsh with her words. But she believed that suicide was an cowardly way out and she didn't want to think that her son would do such a thing. Her favorite son who had so much going for him. The one who should be the happiest in life.

 "Ana please tell me this is joke. A really sick one. I can't imagine my sehun-ah doing this." And there it was. Now she was crying. It had finally hit her that Yeah, her sehun had done the impossible. Which was possible. But in her mind, it wasn't.

 "Yebo,give me the phone." Your father said in the background.

"No she said." Crying so hard now.

"Now." He sternly said.

You could hear your mother breaking down and it brought more tears to your eyes.

"Ana I don't know what happened but why weren't you watching your brother!" He said as if he was your responsibility. "Why and how was he to do this if you and your brother were in the Same house. Why didn't you check on him?... " he just kept going on and on. Blaming you for everything. On and on he went and you had zoned out. This wasn't something that was needed for you. you had blamed yourself all the time but hearing it from an actual person made you feel like the worst piece of shit. Your inner demons inviting them with open arms.

 "And if you weren't hanging with all those boys and actually by your brother’s side Maybe you could of prevented this!" He harshly said. There was a long pause and your mother was still in the background crying. So were you but silently. "Listen honey I'm sorry, I didn't mean... I'm just sorry. Please be waiting for us we are on the way to the airport. I love your bye." And the line went dead.

And you just sat there. Feeling as dead as the phone line.

 ***

You couldn't sleep at all after this. Your heart had been stabbed at the point of No return. You didn't know what your parents were thinking of doing for the next step. You wouldn't know until they arrived tomorrow.  Sehun was to wake up today according to the doctor. And you kept on thinking of what you would say. Because you didn't know what to say to Sehun. What do you say to someone who committed suicide because of you?

There are no words to describe or be said.

 ***

"Ana..." you heard it but it was very faint. You had finally drifted to sleep because of drowsiness. Then you heard beeping noises. Your eyes shot open and you see Sehun with his eyes open. The doctors rushed in.

"Ah okay I thought something was wrong.” The doctor said as they looked over at sehun machines.

You looked around confused. And you thought about it for a second.

“He pushed the call light, we thought it was you who did it. "the nurse said

You looked at Sehun and in his hand, was the call light.

"Oh." Was all you could say you face started to heat up as Sehun had his eyes on you. The doctor and his crew went out and a nurse stayed back to make sure he was okay. Then she left and well....now you were alone.

 Silence. Dead silence. You wouldn't look you at him but you could feel him glaring at you. You both were back to square one. Whilst you were sadly still stuck on mission two. When could this end.

 "Get out." He said. You head snapped up and you looked at him like he was insane. "I said get out." He repeated. You couldn't believe it so much that disbelief was written all over your face. "Sehun." He became angry and going didn't know what to do. why was his deal. "I don't want you here Ana." He said. "Why Sehun, what did I do." He laughed but he was still serious. "I don't want anyone who doesn't give a Shit about me here." He angrily said. You were speechless but that doesn't mean that this statement was true. You care for him, more than you should. But he didn't need to know.

 "So just get out." He said. "You hesitated, but you got up to grant his wish. "Also, move out, do something, I don't want you at home." You froze in place. Really? This was how it was going to be, really? You turned around to give that bastard a piece of your mind. At that point you didn't care if he was sick in the hospital.

 "I don't?!" You yelled. He looked shocked at your sudden outburst. And you could tell that he didn't expect for this to happen. You were now as close as possible over the edge of the hospital bed in his face. "I care Sehun." You sternly said. He looked at you with an annoyed face. He stained you down and when he realized you weren't going to back down he said. "Really? Then prove it."

 At this point this was a now or never moment. You had No time to think and everyone know what happens when you don't think. You react. And at that moment your reaction to his statement was...a kiss. You kissed him so hard and passionately that Sehun didn't know how to respond. But when he did. He didn't push you away, instead he grabbed you closer and he shoved his tongue in your mouth. It went on for At least a minute, until you realized how out of hand you had gotten.

 You covered you mouth with your hand. "Sehun, I'm sorry I didn’t." he had a shocked look on his face as well. He was just as surprised as you were. You started to tear up. You felt so guilty never in a million years was you supposed to let your feelings out like that and initiate a kiss.

 No of you were drunk or high as a kite. Matter of face you both were down on earth, both feet on the ground. So, every feeling in that kiss was real. What was this? Did Sehun really truly speak his feelings last night. When you thought, it was because he was high? Was it really that the truth had come out? Were you standing there and him sitting there in that bed, both of you staring at another shocked a result of the fact of the matter? What did matter? Other than your secret had may been reviled because of that stupid decision you just made.

 "Ana what was that?" He whispered.

Still shocked. "I..." you didn't know what to say....

what should you say in a situation like this?