#Huaisang later when Xichen disarms the Wen: WOW HE'S SO COMPETENT AND GREAT ISN'T HE MENG YAO?

[guqin-and-flute]

The Most Public Private Meet-Cute [Episode 4]

NHS: hello everyone my name is nie huaisang

Background Person: hiii huaisaaang

NHS: and fun fact about me is that i grew up around lan xichen and i know exactly what his type is

NHS: ON A COMPLETELY UNRELATED NOTE here is my dear and very single friend who desperately needs love and affection and probably a hug meng yao

MY: oh hey that’s me

NHS: say hi meng yao

MY: uh ok how weirdly specific sure thing

NHS: the stage is set i give it 2 minutes

MY: hello my name is meng yao and i’ve brought you a box hope u like it there’s a pot in it

MY: uhhh ok some things about me i’m adorable i get bullied frequently i eat dry bread and my dimples are deep enough to hold all my war crimes see? *ping*

Asshole 1: did someone order some loud and publicly cruel narration about your tragic and slightly damning backstory??

MY: no?? ?

Asshole 1:  too late

MY:  ugh do you allow returns

Asshole 1: WOW THIS DUDE SUCKS

Asshole 2: yeah totally and his dad fuckin hates him rolled him down the steps of jinlintai like a fuckin slinky

MY: well this feels a bit unwarranted

Asshole 1: naaah his dad would have to actually CARE to hate him

WWX:  damn this is brutal hope this doesn’t foreshadow any major plot component that might outline the problem with the idea of reputation vs honor in our society and the place hearsay and gossip plays in the perception of the value of a person that would suck

Random Background person: sure would especially if it greatly impacted you as a person

Asshole 1:  i love shitting on people with u bro

Asshole 2: awww bro

JYL: rude

JC: wow

WWX: jfc

MY:  this is fun so glad i came

LXC:  .......hm.

NHS: 10...9...8...

LWJ: xichen  n  o

Asshole 1: ANYWAY FUCK THIS DUDE

LWJ: u need to stop and not for the reason u think

LQR:  CAN U READ THE ROOM PLEASE AND SHUT THE ACTUAL HELL UP what do you think this is? some kind of high school?? who do you think you are?? children? ? nONSENSE

Asshole 1:  oh shit i thought talking at regular volume in plain sight of a silent room gave me anonymity

Asshole 2: oh no me too what an unforeseen outcome

LQR: anyway, now for-- oh god oh no what are u doing r e s i s t, boy

LXC: [i_need_a_hero.mp3]

Random Lan: love this song

LWJ:  jfc here we go

JC: is this a kissing book?

MY:  sure could use a hug

WWX:  ur gonna get more than that dude

JYL: aww good for him

LXC: why hello.

MY: ho- (where is the saxaphone music coming from)

MY: -ly- am i in slow motion ur very tall did u know ur very tall

MY: shit hey.

LXC: hey :)

LXC:  o h .

LXC:  good god i have gravely miscalculated my investment in the situation what did i come down here for again

MY: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh u have a mouth i have a mouth what a strange coincidence

MY: i humbly present my body BOX my box this box right here it’s really cool it has a red thing in it it’s for u or maybe the grandmaster i can’t really remember anymore  or feel my legs fuck

LXC: oh yeah the reason i came down here theoretically i should at least pretend to care about what’s in the box

Ambience: [Careless_Whisper_on_Flute.mp3]

WWX: HOLD THE PHONE that’s allowed?? i don’t have to sword fight the gay feelings? he’s beating me at public homoerotic subtext chicken this cannot stand i have to up my game

Pot: I’m a metaphor or something it’s not really relevant at this point is it?

LXC: nope so anyway i could probably fit you into my pocket and cherish you forever thoughts? i’m thinking gentians for the wedding

MY: i can’t feel my face currently but yes to all

MY: ur touching my hands again

LXC: oh trust me i am VERY aware

NHS:  :)))

LWJ: can i go?

Random Lan: probably not

LWJ: ugh i have my own gay shit to deal with

Random background Guy: taking notes for my fanfic

MY: message very fucking received

MY: we are bowing now because we are very polite and definitely not experiencing a life changing sexual awakening in a crowded room

Random Background Person: u guys know people can hear u, right?

LXC: yes very polite definitely nothing gay and certainly no lifelong connection that could potentially end in horrific tragedy for the both of us thank goodness

NHS: guys i didn’t mean elope right fucking now

MY: did u like my box?

LXC: it’s the best box the most adorable box I’ll keep this box forever in my heart

NHS: dude it’s not for u it’s for ur uncle

WWX: i cannot BELILEVE i’m losing public gay chicken i’m gonna get lan zhan a box

BONUS:

Random Asshole 2:

yeah technically he’s zixuan’s brother but jgs treated him like shit what’s ur raction to that zixuan?

JZX: think i’m gonna stick with haughty silence, if i’m honest

Random Asshole 2: that seems on brand

[more brief summaries because yeah]