#I APOLOGISE YALLLLL

[karmaajr]

chat gonna rant abt smth my mum said DONT MIND THIS FRFR >:3

okay so basically we're leaving this resort to stay at a relatives for a while, you get me? so I gotta go pack my stuff up again and usually, im like.. so fucking shit when it comes to doing literally like, anything productive- 💀

very much so pisses off everybody the way I procasinate and take a billion breaks/get distracted by smth else lmao :3

and so today was like.. just as bad ig but mum wasn't really paying attention after yelling at me AGAIN lol (it's fine dw, im just a bad kid and was being irritating/pisstaking (she had a headache) by not shutting up again LMAO 😭😭)

but like, I did manage to finish my packing up so yay!!! win!! ^^ (it was fucking exhausting.)

sister didn't do jackshit though (and mum was tired because of us so she didnt rlly do much), so room still looked a fucking train wreck but my stuff was all done, u get me?

anyways, ENOUGH CONTEXT!!!! like 20 minutes ago, mum gets off her phone then up from the chair she's sitting on and goes to plug her phone in my charger BUT GUESS WHAT YALL?? HOMEGIRL PACKED THAT SHIT UP FRFR ✌️😙

and so in jokey way, she's like "damn really? of all the things you could've packed, the only thing you packed was the charger? typical *irl name*, always tryna ruin my day"

and shes saying this while shaking her head and trying to find the charger she nicked off my dad (while murming some random curses*)

*curses not in the sense of swearing but in the sense of GENUINLEY cursing somebody?? like wishing bad upon somebody ykwim? :D

and I go along with bit (ofcofc) and go "ACTUALLY, I'll have you know that I packed everything!!" and saying it slightly proudly because lol, again, that shit was exhaustingg :3

also I'm just really bad at everything so the fact that I did something somewhat uccessfully was literally GREAT??? 😭😭

and she kisses her teeth, shakes her head and says "yeah sure, I know you"

...

oh so, you "know" me huh?

what's my favourite colour?

my favourite drink?

my favourite subject?

why don't you name a few of my friends? or maybe a song I like? (oh wait, you can't because you don't even know I listen to music)

you know what? ik you can't answer any of those questions but guess what? ima do things that I know for sure I've told you, quick fire innit? you should be able to? I'm your child right.. you listen to what i tell you right? amma you care about what I have to say right???? right???

fuck

describe to me the hallucinations I had last year

nothing hard, i know I told you about them, I've tried to at least several times. I still remember the way you rolled your eyes and mouthed "crazy" while still looking at that fucking phone screen oh my god

amma can't I just be important to you? please? ik works important and ik you do a lot for us but please??? you said be a good girl and you won't kill yourself, and i tried okay??? im a bad child and I'm sorry and I'm sorry and I'm sorry please amma just dont leave me, don't stop being my mother

don't leave me with him

amma please

amma???? amma please

[divertinirip]

yall replying to my starter when im in bed

[thelov3lybookworm]

heh im back! still a lil sick but not enough to keep me from gobbling some goodies 😏

However, every time she looked at him, Gwyn wanted to do anything but apologise.

understandable, i would also want to do everything but apologise

It infuriated her so much that sometimes, she wanted to push him against a wall and… punch him until he stopped doing what he did to her.

the right thing to do, honestly

“Zip me up, please.”

EXCUSE ME WHATTTTTTTTTTTT

Curse him and his hands. Curse Azriel and what he did to her. Curse everything about him.

😒(😏)

Words evaded her. All thoughts evaded her. Gwyn stood there, not knowing what to say or do. She knew how to tease Azriel. She was even better at getting on his nerves. But she did not know how to react to this, whatever this was. So she let the first thing that came to her mind flow out of her mouth.

(￣y▽￣)╭ Ohohoho.....

And with every touch and every glance exchanged, that arrow twisted and embedded itself deeper inside her.

(〃￣︶￣)人(￣︶￣〃)

LETS GOOOOOO YALLLLL (～￣▽￣)～

Welcome to Chapter 2 of the fic written for @thelov3lybookworm for @acotargiftexchange. I hope you enjoy it, especially you dear lov3ly ♥

***

Synopsis: Two months into their convenient marriage and Gwyneth and Azriel still have very strong feelings for each other. Is it really the hate that they claim it to be, or something else? Not even they can tell.

However, another chance at tackling the failed mission that has led them to where they are will make the two spies face something that they have both been afraid of. After all, the line separating hate from desire can be very thin.

Word Count: 2k

Warning: None

Read Chapter 1 here

Read on Ao3 here or proceed below the cut

A week had passed and Gwyn was still as wary as she had been after receiving the invitation for the Autumn Solstice. This event would be the perfect opportunity to put a stop to the doubts that many members of the Forest House had about her. Making out with someone would have never raised any suspicion if it had not been in the southern section of the labyrinth that was this place. The only ones who went there were those who had exclusive access to the High Lord’s private quarters. Gwyn had seen many people entering these halls without ever walking out.

Luck – and Eris – had been on their side the last time. She doubted it would be again this time. That was why they would not fail again. She could not fail. She would not be useless again. Gwyn had dedicated so much of her life trying to prove to herself that she was more than sitting down for tea and looking pretty. She owed it to herself as much as she owed it to her twin.

She still felt the guilt of having let her sister die in front of her eyes. No one, least of all the High Lord, had taken her side when she had told them that the males who had attacked them in that clearing had been familiar faces that she had spotted around the Forest House a few times. Although Eris had had to keep his mouth shut and follow his father’s lead, he had proven his loyalty to the twins when he had killed all those who had touched them without anyone ever knowing that he was behind it. Gwyn was one of the few who knew who Eris truly was behind his arrogant mask. And that was why she returned every single bit of his loyalty.

Autumn was a male’s court. A court where females were either servants, or when they were born with a fancy family name like hers, toys and accessories. But that would only last as long as Beron sat on the throne. The High Lord did not know yet that his time was limited.

Gwyn wished she could do more. Being raised as a lady in the Forest House had been a major advantage for her ever since, after the loss of her sister, she had pestered Eris to teach her how to fight. It turned out that spying had been her calling in the end. Living there had given her the ability to observe and pick up on things no one thought a lady would notice. She had been in the heart of it all. But now, here, Gwyn felt like she was not doing enough.

“This will change tonight,’’ she told her reflection in the vanity mirror as she brushed her fingers through her loosely curled hair.

Gwyn had worked and schemed alongside her husband since she moved in his estate. She had also met with the Autumn Prince twice. Apart from that, the past two months had been spent training in the gardens of Rose hall, reading and trying to adjust to her new life as a wife. It was something she had never expected she would be.

Ever since that afternoon where she had lost Catrin, Gwyn had been scared that she would one day be shackled to a male who would claim her as his property. Reading about romance in books was one thing, something that could make her dream and wonder about how it could feel. But reality could be deceptive. Reality was scary.

Since she lost Catrin, Gwyn had feared the mere possibility of letting anyone close to her heart. She worried that anyone who did would see how emotionally broken she was. She doubted that anyone would stay with her if they knew how much love scared her. She might still have blood relatives in Autumn, but the only true love she had ever known was her twin. The two of them had stuck together since their mother’s passing when they were just little girls. The eldest and youngest of the Vanserra brothers had been the only ones who the twins had considered as friends even though they were distant cousins.

When she moved into her husband’s estate after having run away from her court, Gwyn had felt guilty for having drove Azriel into this situation. She had not meant to involve him in a loveless marriage with a female who had acted like a proper lady because she was either forced to or because she had used the title as a disguise. She had thought of apologising to him. However, every time she looked at him, Gwyn wanted to do anything but apologise.

A knock sounded at her door, followed by a, ‘’Are you ready?’’

‘’Almost,’’ she shouted.

She heard his exasperated sigh even from inside her room. “Can you hurry up?’’

‘’Can you fuck off?’’

Azriel muttered a few curses that she decided to ignore. Gwyn still did not totally understand why Eris had chosen Night of all the courts to ally with. Many creatures of Autumn were sketchy and cruel but at least they did not hide who they were by trying to pass for saints when everyone knew about the questionable things that happened in their court. She would not go as far as hating the entirety of the Night Court’s inhabitants. But the one she lived with was enough to make her blood boil on a daily basis. Just like he currently was by loudly walking back and forth in front of her door. Why did that male always do that?

‘’Can you wait downstairs instead of doing that? You are stressing me out.”

‘’Says the one who stresses me out all day, every day,’’ he mumbled.

She knew exactly what his face must have looked like as he said that. She might not be able to read his thoughts, but she knew her husband far better than she wanted to. She had expected to learn more about the male that she would live with. Though Gwyn had not imagined that he would imprint himself so deeply into her mind. Whatever she did, Gwyn could not escape even the thought of him. Azriel haunted her even when he was not in the room. His hazel eyes followed her in her dreams, the ghost feel of his hands on her brought her thoughts to places where she did not want him to wander. It infuriated her so much that sometimes, she wanted to push him against a wall and… punch him until he stopped doing what he did to her.

‘’I heard that,’’ she shouted again, although he would have heard her alright since she could hear him breathing right outside of her bedroom.

‘’Good,’’ he said louder.

Gwyn sighed. She often wondered if Azriel took pleasure in being so provoking. Probably yes. Saying that she did not – sometimes – enjoy doing the same to him would be a lie.

She ignored the occasional knocks and the complaints as she slipped her shoes and dress on. Gone were the traditional Autumn fashioned gown with their petticoat and endless layers of fabric. Most of the ones she had worn at previous solstices were red or brown. Instead, Gwyn wore a wrap dress of a blue as deep as the midnight sky of her new home. The thin silver and diamond necklace around her neck shimmered like the stars of that same sky, especially the crescent moon that rested between her cleavage. The fabric was a soft satin that delicately hugged her upper body and arms. It cinched at her waist before flaring out and cascading down her long legs. A slit ran up from her left foot to her mid-thigh.

It was the perfect dress to conceal all the weapons she wore underneath while also allowing her easy access to them. More than that, what she wore tonight would send the message that she was a member of the Night Court now. And with the Shadowsinger at her arm, no one would dare to openly question their relationship.

Gwyn walked towards the door after a final look in the mirror. She held her hands at her breast, keeping the fabric there to prevent it from falling down. She opened the door, finding Azriel right behind it dressed in a fine black suit with his wings tucked in tight, and turned her back to him where her dress was still open, down to the small dip right above her backside.

“Zip me up, please.”

Silence followed. Azriel did not say anything. He did not move either. She did not even know if he was still breathing. Gwyn turned around and raised a questioning brow at him. He looked like he had seen a ghost.

“Are you alright, Shadowsinger?”

Gwyn looked at the shadows – who she preferred over him – hovering around them. She silently wondered if something was wrong, if she had perhaps crossed an invisible line. She did not know how his shadows worked, but Gwyn had developed an odd connection with them. It was as though they could read her mind and provide their wordless answers through soothing touches. Like a response to her silent questions, she felt their cool caress against her bare back and on her face. Hopefully they would not ruin the makeup she had carefully applied there.

The giggle that she failed to keep inside when one tickled her neck seemed to snap Azriel out of his trance. He shook away whatever had made him pause and brought his hands at her waist. The fabric of her dress hid not even a inch of his scarred hands and made her gasp as he turned her back around. Gwyn bit her lip to hold in whatever threatened to come out of her mouth when his fingers brushed her skin to push her hair aside.

She closed her eyes as he pulled her zipper up and prayed for him to just be done with it. Curse him and his hands. Curse Azriel and what he did to her. Curse everything about him.

Gwyn quickly adjusted the front of her dress when Azriel was done. With a deep inhale, she breathed some common sense back into her body. She breathed until the fire coursing through her simmered down to a small flame instead of the inferno that a few callous fingers had erupted in her.

Curse his touch for stoking her fire. Curse Azriel and everything about him.

When she faced him again, Gwyn’s irritation at him morphed into something else. She could not name what was his expression meant. All she knew was that the softness and awe in his eyes – something that she had never glimpsed so strongly from him – scared her.

“You look...”

Her heart pounded as she waited for another one of his stupid assumptions. But the one he offered sent more fear through her and caused goosebumps to erupt all over her.

“...Beautiful,” he whispered.

Words evaded her. All thoughts evaded her. Gwyn stood there, not knowing what to say or do. She knew how to tease Azriel. She was even better at getting on his nerves. But she did not know how to react to this, whatever this was. So she let the first thing that came to her mind flow out of her mouth.

“You too.”

In the silence that accompanied the blushing of Azriel’s cheeks, Gwyn could have sworn that she heard faint, soft voices, like the distant humming of a song. But no one was present save for them and his shadows. The wards around the estate would have alerted them of any intruders and Roslin had already gone to Autumn to celebrate Solstice with her own family.

Speaking of Solstice, Gwyn blinked back into the present. She wrapped her hands around Azriel’s forearm and pulled him down the hallway.

“Let’s go before we miss the party,” she said, grateful that she could still form coherent sentences.

“The mission, Berdara,” he corrected.

She flicked a hand in the air. “Yeah, same thing.”

Although she had returned to a somewhat normal state, the fear that had dug itself under her skin earlier like an arrow was still there. Gwyn wanted so badly to yank it out. But it remained. And with every touch and every glance exchanged, that arrow twisted and embedded itself deeper inside her.

To be continued...