#I DONT LIIKE YOU SWEEP PLEASE. FOR ME. PLEASE

[interrogatormentors]

Event Two: Straight Flush

CA: if thats howw shits gotta be i get it CA: i really do CA: just lettin you knoww youre gonna regret this. CA: and by the time you realize wwhat a fuckin mistake youvve made in pushin me awway CA: ill be far beyond your reach

-- caligulasAquarium [CA] has left the memo! --

By this point in Eridan Ampora’s life, he knew space as lonely and fickle. He knew that the gaps between stars yawned millennia, and trolls at the top clawed and stabbed each other in the back at every opportunity. As a graduate of the Fleet Academy, Eridan knew this very well. What he hadn’t been prepared for was all the fucking paperwork.

Eridan stared at the blinking cursor on the scheduling spreadsheet in front of him, but no matter how hard he crossed his eyes the numbers never started making sense. As a well-established Dreadnought Condescension team, the DC Reichenbach’s crew all possessed equally established habits and schedules. Needless to say they didn’t take too kindly to an uppity new Head Admin coming in and shuffling shit around.

Eridan leaned back in his chair, lifting his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. The ship had one of its usual hiccups then, the lights flaring as an energy shift took place. Wonderful. With his free hand Eridan fumbled for the intercom button. “Get back in the helm, Riesse.”

After a pause a light blinked on the callbox at Eridan’s side, indicating an incoming call. “Yo, it’s been a perigee. Use my name or I riot,” said Riesse.

“Oh, funny, I can’t see Shakes anywhere on your file Riesse.”

“C’mon.”

“No.”

“Errrridan.”

Eridan rested his head on his desk, staring at the floor as he tried to gather himself.

“Shakes. You’ve got a break from the helm tomorrow, we can’t keep usin’ antimatter engines like this. You know that the maintenance for it costs a fuckin’ fortune-”

“Mmmmyeah we can,” Riesse or Shakes or whatever the fuck that fucking brown’s name was. Eridan was tired of battling about it, but he still felt an obligation to protest. “I got shit to do with Bricks.”

“And the captain, and the Chief Intelligence Officer,” Eridan said. Further slouching caused his glasses to slip right off his nose onto the floor. “You can’t all take a break at the same time every week.”

“Yeah, we can,” said Shakes. “God, haven’t you ever heard of like, free time and social bonding? You should join us sometime. Bricks’ got a rad as hell campaign set up and Illhal said she might be transferring. We’ve got an open spot. Table’s big enough for one mooore. Loosen up, holy shit.”

Eridan hung up the call. “Uppity fuckin’ mudfucker,” he said, picking up his glasses from the floor. “Oh wow, let’s just stick a bulge in the captain, get free breaks just whenever.” 

Ever since the helming techs had come out with mobile helmsman upgrades, highbloods who had quadrants with psionic lowbloods were crawling all over it. Some lowblood sympathetic fleet captains and helming techs and docterrors had written essays about the benefits of this new technology, which boasted alleged benefits such as increased helmsman longevity and better synchronization to the ship’s systems. The technology actually meant that those lowbloods with highblood quadrants were guaranteed the ability to move if their quads got their own ship and the rank of fleet captain, and it also meant that said lowbloods came with a hefty pair of globes to match.

Eridan tried to assure himself that he shouldn’t have been surprised. The Reichenbach’s captain was a piece of work to say the least, and her matesprit was such a cocky bastard with no respect for his blood superiors. As blood equals, with Captain Nekara as his superior in age and rank, Eridan kept his mouth shut to humor her smug piece of shit matesprit who jittered with ridiculous amounts of excess psionic energy.

Eridan’s palmhusk started beeping then, letting him know about breaktime, and he cast a defeated look to the stark and empty crew schedule. Normally he’d just work through his break, considering he never had other obligations. This time, he tried something new.

[Welcome to Poker Palace Server 2022A, caligulasAquarium, apocalypticTreeswing, circuitryCloser, torpidAnnihilator! Please read the rules and have fun! Currently there are 40 viewers of this game.]

AT: aw (fuck) aw beans aw no AT: playing with (fucking) TA?????? CC: hhehhe get wrekt dood CA: wwhat CA: do you knoww each other AT: nah dude’s a (damn) bot or whatever and wins every (fucking) time AT: shoot i wanted to bet money on this match too CC: just bet on TA man CC: thhey’re like always online ur going to make a hHELLA profit AT: my pride tho CA: wwhat pride AT: DUDE :*C

Poker didn’t seem too labor intensive, especially when Eridan could theoretically still work on the schedule on the other monitor. As time progressed he instead found that the match he’d gotten roped into took all his focus after the user torpidAnnihilator wiped the floor with all of them as apocalypticTreeswing had warned. Users could theoretically stay for infinite matches, and so a rematch began.

TA won again.

And again.

Over and over TA called bluff after bluff, and unveiled hand after winning hand after intimidating everyone else, even as AT and CC left and were replaced by other users. Each user expressed dismay at seeing TA there, but something in Eridan had been awoken.

He needed to win. So he kept playing even as his break ended, eyes flicking from schedule to poker match as he continued to lose over and over. He could have fun and loosen up, totally. He just had to win first.

[Welcome to Poker Palace Server 3014C, caligulasAquarium, torpidAnnihilator, gentrificationAwaiting, corporealTone! Please read the rules and have fun! Currently there are 67 viewers of this game.]

CA: ready to lose fucker CA: you cant wwin forevver CT: ...what CA: do i look like im talkin to you GA: i mEan it’s an opEn chatroom, so GA: if you’rE talking to TA good luck haha, CA: ivve been goin at it for four perigees hes gotta lose sometime CT: ...lol GA: LOL, GA: i’vE bEEn playing for tEn swEEps!! GA: thEy don’t losE!  CA: wwell wwere gonna see about THAT noww wwont wwe CA: if youvve got a penchant for believvin anyone that isnt the empress can be infallible youre sadly fuckin mistaken CA: one wway or another im gonna fuckin provve it and then youll eat your fuckin wwords. chumps

TA said nothing as per usual, but this silence stopped bothering Eridan long ago. He had become used to the empty silence that filled the digital lobby during games. Every muscle in Eridan’s body tensed as time went on and he focused, watching everything unfold as he kept his cards close to his virtual chest. The match concluded as it usually did, with GA and CT folding and TA refusing to show their hand. After playing this long, however, Eridan had learned to take his chances. If they needed to, TA usually folded or called a bluff second. This time they’d held onto their cards.

CA: bluff you dont havve shit CT: ...we both got shit hands you know hes got a good one CA: still callin it

With the bluff called, TA’s hand flipped over to reveal a four, two fives of separate suits, and an eight. Not necessarily a bad hand, but not a good one. The entire world stopped and Eridan felt a funny lurch in his digestive sack. He lurched to his feet, staring at the screen for a good minute.

For so many perigees, Eridan had worked towards this very moment. Each second that he stood there taking slow, shaking breaths to comprehend what had just happened felt like an eternity of downright euphoria. He’d done it.

However the world, and more importantly the game, wouldn’t wait forever. He moved his shaky hands to type out the damning words.

CA: straight flush CA: i wwin

A silence followed, and Eridan felt so fucking giddy, like there were clouds below his feet. He hadn’t felt this good in perigees. The commenters who had been gossiping about the inevitable outcome of the match had lapsed into shock with the other players also at a loss. TA, as always, remained silent. Finally, GA and CT began to type, almost in unison.

GA: what CT: ...holy shit GA: arE you fucking serious no WAY you’rE cheating! CA: if this wwere anythin but an online servver i wwould be less insulted CA: i cant code my wway out of a wwet paper bag CT: ...still theres no way you couldve beaten him of all people CA: look a lot of this game is luck okay wwhat the fuck are you talkin about CA: havve you evven played poker before in your life TA: Huh. TA: Well, thII2 II2 a 2urprII2e. TA: ThII2 game wa2 quIIte refre2hIIng, thank you. CT: ...hhhhhhhooooh my god

The match closed itself then, leaving Eridan staring at his victory screen. Something about that quirk seemed familiar, but he shook the thought away. The one he’d known with that quirk had disappeared a sweep before Eridan himself had left the rebellion. He had to be dead by now. Friend requests started pinging on his poker profile as he sat there, viewers of the match itself enamored by the new champion. More than a few angry messages popped up, considering TA’s popularity in betting circles. Only one private message caught Eridan’s attention.

TA: Let me know IIf you would lIIke to play me agaIIn 2ometIIme. TA: II am very aware you have been 2talkIIng 2erver2 lookIIng for me and that would 2ave 2ome ha22le on your end II thIInk. TA: That was the mo2t fun II have had for a whIIle. TA: II may have two quIIt 2oon con2IIderIIng your mo2t deft humIIlIIatIIon, but fIIndIIng a new hobby II2 laborIIou2.

Eridan reread the messages at least five times to absorb just what the mysterious reigning champion of the poker ring was actually offering. There was an odd little flutter in his chest, something he’d thought he’d never feel again. Pride, and a well-earned, well deserved sense of pride at that. Acknowledgement by an ever-supreme master at a craft, even for something as little as poker, meant worlds to him. He couldn’t help the grin that crossed his face, still on a euphoric high  at the sudden turn of events.

CA: uh wwoww okay CA: look evveryone loses evventually unless youre hackin or wwhatevver CA: surprised no one else called you out TA: The thIIng about garnerIIng a reputatIIon IIn onlIIne communIItIIe2 II2 IIntimIIdatIIon and people fallIIng on your bulge in terror ju2t come2 wIIth the whole package. TA: And a2 you know, that II2 the name of the game. CA: i thought it wwas poker TA: What? TA: Oh, very funny. CA: oh my god you talk like a fuckin loser howw old are you TA: That II2 a very rude que2tIIon. TA: II wIIll 2ee you agaIIn, ErIIdan. All haIIl the Empre22. CA: all hail i guess

TA logged off then. Eridan continued to bask in his own victory before freezing, eyes scanning over the last few messages TA had sent.

That couldn’t be possible.

He took a moment, eyes fixed on that one sentence in the chatlog again before he flipped over to his personal profile. No, nothing there. He had made sure not to put any identifying information on his profile apart from his blood color code, which more than a few members did. His name wasn’t anywhere on the site.

Swallowing hard, Eridan closed the poker site down for now and opened this week’s schedule and maintenance logs. Only victory mattered, and he’d accomplished that. What could some random nobody on the internet do to him?

Maybe Shakes’ D&D session would be a little less nerve-wracking.

[hsboyfriends]

will you fill all my quadrants?

Sollux sighed as he was waiting in the car, lightly tapping his fingers on the steering wheel he glanced at his watch for the fourth time in thirty minutes. “come on ed.... were “ goiing two be late…” he said as he sighed. He knew ed liked to look nice whenever they go on dates but it has been four sweeps now.

He should know by now that he didn't  care about what he was wearing, ed could have walked out wearing only a bee costume and he would still love the way he looked. "iif he'2 not out iin twenty miinute2 ii am goiing two go iin and get hiim..." Sollux mumbled a bit as he checked his watch to set up a timer.

the sound of a door slamming shut caught sollux's attention and he looked up, about to yell at ed for keeping him wait but it died in his throat. Eridan walked out wearing tanned slack's, a purple dress shirt under a black vest with light gray stripes on it and a black suit jacket on over the vest.

suddenly Sollux felt underdressed in his ‘buzz off’ shirt and his jeans. "sorry, I made you wwait sol." Eridan said as he got into the car and smiled at Sollux. "Looking great as usual." he said as he leaned in and kissed Sollux on the cheek.

"Not as good as you ed." sol said as he placed his hand on Eridan's cheek and sweetly kissed him. Making ed blush and happily kissing him back. Soon Sollux pulled back and laughed at Eridan's purple face. "2o you ready for our date? Or do you ju2t wanna go riight two the diinner?" Sollux asked as he started the car. 

" I wwould like to go to the aquarium please there is a neww sea creature I wwanna see." Eridan said as he buckled himself in and pulled out the brochure for the aquarium. “It says here that the creature wwas found on the shore injured till the aquarium staff found it and took it in.” He said as he looked at the image of the creature.

Glancing over Sollux saw that it looked like a puffer fish type creature but it had glasses on. It had its cheeks puffed out at the person who took the picture, sollux couldn't help but laugh at it. “iit look2 a biit liike you iin a way ed!” Sollux said as he stopped at a red light.

Eridan looked at him as if to yell at him till Sollux gently took his hand and kissed the back of his hand. “But you are cuter than anything in this world.” Sollux said making Eridan’s face go purple as he looked away. “I-i may be cute Sollux but you are cuter than any honey bee.” He said making Sollux laugh a bit. “Well, ii 2ure a2 heck hope 2o, or el2e ii would have two fiight wiith whoever ha2 2tolen your heart.” Sollux said as he let Eridan's hand go and drove off to the aquarium.

Eridan sat silently as he processed what Sollux said, ‘ wwould he really fight for me..’ he thought and soon laughed a bit. ‘of course, he wwould he is my matesprit’ he thought as he brushed the thought out of his mind.

After a while they got to their destination and found a spot. Sollux was the first to get out and opened the door for Eridan. “Oh my wwhat a gentle troll you are Sol.” He said as he took Sollux’s hand as he stepped out of the car. “When am ii never a gentle troll two my mate2priit?” Sollux said as he let Eridan's hand go and walked to the trunk and opened it, soon pulling out a duffle bag and putting it on. Eridan looked at him with a questioning look “Wwhat is that for?” He asked as Sollux shut the trunk.

“Iit ii2 a 2urprii2e ed, don't worry iit ii2 part of the date.” He said as he walked to Eridan and took his hand. “Now let2 go and 2ee your fii2hy ffriiend.” He said as Eridan laughed and laced his fingers with Sollux’s.

The aquarium was a grand sworei of vibrantly colored and shaped fish of all types, the lights from the tunnel lighting up the two matesprits and the aquatic life that surrounded them in a visaray of beauty and grace. The many colors of the fish surrounding them bouncing back in an indiscernible and organic pattern that feels so surreal to the two.

Sollux was entranced by how everything looked it all looked magical and surreal. ‘Wa2 thii2 what Eriidan 2aw every tiime he had two go under the water?’ He thought as he looked over at Eridan and smiled, Eridan was happily looking at the fish and was reading the little signs that talked about the fish. But to Sollux, Eridan was glowing, he radiated nothing but happiness and things to come for him and Sollux, swallowing Sollux shoved his hand into his pocket and started to mess around with a box he had in his pocket the box was covered in purple velvet, he would know he bought it a week ago.

There was another reason he wanted to take Eridan here. It was the place where they had their first date as matesprits, yes Eridan could be cold and annoying at times, heck even infuriate Sollux when they had fights. But in the end they would make up and watch movies cuddled up in a blanket. Sollux knew that his quadrants were filled with Eridan, and he wanted to keep it that way.

Gently he took Eridan's hand in his and held it, Eridan looked at him a bit and let his hand go, scaring Sollux a bit till Eridan hugged his arm instead. Making Sollux blush a bit but he placed his cheek on eridan's head avoiding his horns. “Eriidan... ii hope you know ii love you.” Sollux said as he looked down at him. Eridan looked up at him and laughed a bit. “Of course, I knoww you lovve me Sollux.” Eridan said as he let Sollux’s arm go and took both of his hands into his own. “You tell me evvery day that you lovve me evven wwhen wwere apart you alwways make sure to call me just to tell me those wwords.” He said as he stepped closer to Sollux. Making Sollux’s heart skip a beat. “And I lovve you just as much Sollux” Eridan said as he gave Sollux a peck on the lips and stepped away, never letting Sollux’s hands go.

“Noww let’s go look around some more alright?” Eridan said and Sollux nodded and laughed a bit. “2ure thiing ed” Sollux said as he followed him. To Sollux the date went by in a blur as him and Eridan had fun seeing everything, but once in awhile they hide themselves from the public just to steal kisses from each others lips. The day was going great but it was better for Sollux because the smile never left Eridan's face. But soon it was time for the aquarium to close. “wwell today wwas fun wwhat should wwe do noww Sol?” Eridan asked but Sollux just laughed. “Thii2 ii2n't the end of our day here ed.” Sollux said as he walked with him to the underwater tube.

“I dont think wwe should be dowwn here.” Sridan said as he looked around, despite him being afraid of getting into trouble by the staff he was amazed by how well lit it was. “It’s nice here Sol but wwe need to go before wwe get into trou-” He stopped what he was saying when Sollux started to unpack the duffle bag and pulled out their pajamas, pillows, and a sleeping bag meant for two. “Wwhat are you doing sollux?” Eridan asked when Sollux was finished setting things up. “We're 2leep iing here toniight.” Sollux said as he handed ed his pajamas.

“Wwait wwe’re staying the night here but howw? wwon’t wwe get into trouble?” Eridan asked as he looked around and soon saw other couples entering the area and setting their things up. “Nope becau2e thii2 ii2 couple2 niight here, only couple2 are allowed two 2leep here for toniight becau2e iit ii2 the wiinter 2ol2tiice, the zebrafii2h are more viibrant around thii2 tiime a2 well, a2 are 2ome of the other2 2ea liife.” Sollux said in a matter of fact kind of way.

Surprising Eridan by how much he knew. “So I see you did your research on marine life sollux” Eridan said as he sat on the sleeping bag. “Well ya, becau2e my lovely mate2priit ii2 kiing of the fii2h ii want two know what hii2 kiingdom ii2 liike.” He said as he sat down next to Eridan and smiled. “And 2omeday ii want two know everythiing ii can about hii2 kiingdom.” He said as he took Eridan’s hand and kissed it.

Eridan laughed a bit and leaned against Sollux and is happily contented. But soon Eridan noticed that Sollux was getting fidgety, looking at him he gently put his arm on his shoulder. “Sol? is evverything ok? you seem restless wwhats wwrong?” He asked with concern in his voice.

‘well... Now2 more of a tiime than ever....’ Sollux thought as he turned to Eridan and sat on his knees. “Ed... Eriidan... ii know that iin the pa2t we have had our trouble2 and we even had our fiight2, 2ome good and 2ome bad but we alway2 made up iin the end....” Eridan laughed a bit as he put his hand on Sollux’s cheek and put his forehead against his.

“I knoww that Sol i wwas there.” Eridan said and sollux just laughed a bit. “True... But even then ii knew ii wanted two be wiith you... Even more now than ever....” He said as he soon pulled the box out from his pocket. Eridan looked at it with a questioning look on his face. “Wwhats that Sol?” He asked and Sollux didn’t answer, he just opened the box and in it was a silver engagement ring with a purple stone. “Ii-ii know iit2 not the diiamond riing you wanted when we fiir2t 2tarted two date b-but when ii 2aw thii2 ii thought that 'thii2 would fiit Eriidan more 2ome 2tupiid diiamond riing, and ii have been holdiing ontwo iit for month2 a-and ii wanted two... A2k you... Iif you'll be wiith me and fiill all my quadrant2...." Sollux shut his eyes and looked away.

Afraid of what Eridan was going to say. “Sol…”. ‘Oh gog here iit come2 he ii2 goiing two tell me two 2tuff iit liike the lo2er ii am.’ Sollux thought only to be tacked down to the ground and a kiss was placed onto his lips. Opening his eyes Sollux had a deep blush when Eridan broke away from the kiss, violet tears falling from his eyes “Glubbing yes Sollux i do! I do!” with each ‘i do’ Eridan kissed Sollux as he happily laughed.

Sollux smiled as Eridan put the ring onto his finger. “It is perfect Sollux i lovve it!” Eridan said but looked down at Sollux. “But not as much as i lovve you...” Eridan said as he helped Sollux up, only to be pulled into Sollux’s lap as he started to purr happily. “Then let'2 2kiip diinner and ju2t lay iin each other'2 arm2.” Laughing Eridan gently placed his hands over Sollux’s hands that were now on his chest. “Agreed”.

so my secret valentine for the @homestuckvalentine was @jackthekit-kat and he wanted red erisol with no yelling or arguing or abuse, so i went for them going on a lovely date at the aquarium! i hope you like it Jack! ^^

[twinaudacity]

==> Private message

twinaudacity hey he2 not liike. threateniing you two make you act friiendly iin publiic and keep quiiet or anythiing ii2 he?

ii'll kiick hii2 a22 twinaudacity ii dont care iif he ii2 a giiant 2ea dweller

palteringcecutiency ...are you still worried about this? Goodness, I'm flattered.

palteringcecutiency I am free of his shackles, I assure you.

palteringcecutiency When he reclaimed me, after... my brother's death, I was manacled, shackled, collared, and locked in a small room below deck, /after/ he bargained for his life and the lives of his crew and ship.

He knows how dangerous I can be, when free. And I am very free. twinaudacity that 2ound2 horriible??

palteringcecutiency Forgive me, at the time it was hilarious.

twinaudacity oh

palteringcecutiency ...I was very angry then, and the thought of him not being able to sleep because I was in his hold, chained and bound and still potentially fatal, was

twinaudacity why are you 2o niice two hiim?

palteringcecutiency ...comforting.

twinaudacity they dont talk a lot about how powerful a p2iion my ance2tor wa2, mo2tly they talk about hii2 briiliiance

palteringcecutiency You and I are the most powerful ever hatched.

And the other Psiioniics and Solluxes are for their timelines as well, for the most part. twinaudacity and the really crazy one2 try two get me two betray my friiend2 becau2e of 'who he wa2 wiink wiink'

that2 crazy ..ii am u2iing that word two much why are we the 2tronge2t palteringcecutiency Then they know nothing of him, if they speak of betrayal.

There's theories, mostly relating to the game. twinaudacity ii thiink they thiink ii'm goiing two 2uddenly thiink ff and gz are eviil becau2e they're hiighblood2

palteringcecutiency The twelve lines tend to be important, and excel in general.

twinaudacity they already thiink kk ha2 been corrupted 2omehow

yeah? palteringcecutiency Ha. Then they know less than I thought they did. Not that I am surprised, the loud ones never do.

Yes. We're accomplished trolls, for good or for bad. Highly skilled, highly motivated. Destined for greatness, as they say. twinaudacity oh geeze no pre22ure or anythiing

palteringcecutiency Hardly. You're a Captor, we're not known for our idleness. You would get there if I told you your destination or not.

twinaudacity they all expect thiing2 out of me becau2e /he/ wa2 2o great or 2omethiing

cae ju2t fuckiing gave me thii2 entiire company and 2et me loo2e on iit palteringcecutiency ...this will sound confusing, but I know exactly how that feels.

twinaudacity how do you know?

palteringcecutiency My first life, the one before Alternia, where I played the game myself. Sollux was hatched first and started a technological revolution, jumping the Empire forward by leaps and bounds. Always seen in court, he was the Radiance's moirail, and died a legend, ages before me.

And then I hatched, and the Radiance found out nigh immediately. She tucked me under her wing, and tried to coax me into my potential, the same as her moirail had achieved. I was two, I believe. twinaudacity 2hiit at lea2t II wa2 liike. fiive? 2iix?

palteringcecutiency ...she would be Feferi's alternate, I believe, if that helps you understand her personality.

twinaudacity !! oh

..oh fuck ii would hate two be one of ff'2 project2, ii mean 2he2 great but 2hiit palteringcecutiency Things were a little bit different there, unrelated complications lead Radiance to adopt me like Mother did, so she got hold of me very early.

twinaudacity ..waiit Ro2a adopted you?

palteringcecutiency Yes. Or more rather Kankri gave her that hopeful look of his and convinced her to let the strange wanted psionic child stay with them for a bit.

She warmed up to me eventually. c: twinaudacity okay 2o ii dont know exactly what happened duriing that periiod becau2e that iinformatiion ii2 2tiill con2iidered iillegal and the le22 ii know the le22 ii can accedently u2e two make trouble

but Ro2a and the P2iioniic were mate2priit2 palteringcecutiency They what.

twinaudacity liike, famou2ly

palteringcecutiency /What./

twinaudacity all the male jade2 are theiir genetiic off2priing

palteringcecutiency Oh my fucking god.

I ./How/. /She was my fucking lusus, /how//. twinaudacity ii mean maybe he wa2 iintow that

palteringcecutiency /I assure you this half of we is not./

twinaudacity do you want me two me22age ro2a and a2k how they met

palteringcecutiency I'm not entirely sure I want to know, jesus fuck.

palteringcecutiency ...god, it's going to haunt me, if you could please.

palteringcecutiency I'll prep the bleach in the meantime.

twinaudacity okay

twinaudacity 2hiit help now 2he want2 two tell me 2toriie2

palteringcecutiency You deserve this.

twinaudacity ii've been good!

twinaudacity 2he 2ay2 that kk'2 ance2tor kept a bloodbath from happeniing when he caught 2ome hiighblood2 decendiing on hiim iin a town they were goiing through, and he became fa2t friiend2 wiith kankri and wa2 apparently 2miitten wiith her and her chaiin2aw

palteringcecutiency ...she is rather skilled with one, yes.

twinaudacity ..and apparently they 2candaliized kk'2 ance2tor a lot, but that wa2 okay becau2e of thiing2 ii dont need two fuckiing know about god

not a lot of priivacy iin runniing for your liife!! apparently!! ii am goiing two fake dyiing two get away from thii2 conver2atiion 2oon palteringcecutiency Well. I did that on my own, so I can't be surprised.

And no, we were all rather close. Would saying we still are make things worse? c: twinaudacity oh my 2hiit

/why ii2 thii2 happeniing ii'm a good troll ii pay my taxe2/ /2he ii2 over 2hariing 2o much/ palteringcecutiency I stayed with my brother and my sister for half a sweep after revival and I must say, they remain delighted with each other.

All that time had decreased /nothing/. twinaudacity why thii2 /ii dont need two know about karkat and nepeta'2 ance2tor2/

palteringcecutiency Oh come now, you shared about your ancestor and Mother's alt, I would be remiss to not inform you about their /enthusiasm/.

twinaudacity that2 my mate2priit'2 ance2tor youre talkiing about!!

palteringcecutiency Oh I am aware. c:

twinaudacity ii dont talk about u2 paiiliing liike bunniie2 every tiime he ha2 leave tiime do iit?? no! becau2e ii have manner2!

palteringcecutiency Goodness, is that what I'm lacking? I had no idea.

I thought I was just an asshole. c: twinaudacity augh

palteringcecutiency c;

twinaudacity 2hiit fe2teriing fuck okay ii'm goiing ii'm gone ii am offliine now ii dont de2erve thii2 bye

palteringcecutiency Good light! Sleep well. c:

[palteringcecutiency]

==> Psii: Yesterday, update your dancestor.

-- geminiDoomed [GD] has set their status to Idle --

-- palteringCecutiency [PC] is online! --

-- palteringCecutiency [PC] began trolling geminiDoomed [GD] -- PC: Good evening. PC: I believe you asked for updates? GD: eugh GD: ii forgot ii had thii2 logged iin GD: the me22enger alert ii2 goiing 2traiight through my head iin more than one way PC: ...are you quite alright? GD: miigraiin GD: ii wa2 doziing

PC: First off, turn off your alerts, good lord. PC: Second off, would you mind terribly if we left pretenses at the door and mangled our way through this, because it remains important but my skull is about to split open and finding all the right keys is remarkably taxing. GD: ii hone2tly dont giive a fuck riight now how you talk GD: ii'm not even typing, welcome two my 2tream of consciiou2ne22 PC: thank fucking god PC: you lucky bastard i wish i couldr ight now PC: anyway PC: found some shit out PC: its a mess PC: shocking no one GD: oh ii ju2t love more me22e2 two clean up GD: my ab2olutely favoriite pre2ent GD: happy new cycle two me GD: [confettiiii] PC: how about this for a present PC: you dont have to clean it up PC: i havent eevn mentioned you yet PC: and im sure as fuck not expecting you to PC: the shti that got all this stirred up should be doing allthe work PC: at least if he as any fucking sense PC: please god GD: oh thank ble22ed fuck2 GD: what ii2 iit ii'm not cleaniing up PC: okay first you gotta promise me youre not gonna get murderous PC: super fucking pissed off? im righ tthere with oyu PC: ready to strangle people? i have a jacket ready PC: but its really fucking hard to make him fix it if hes dead and god knows if hes gonna learn thats how he will PC: so im asking you as a personal favor to let me vouch for him in this case GD: for fuck2 2ake GD: ii piinky 2wear ii wont fly off the handle and go murder 2omeone 2peciifiically becau2e of the iinformatiion you're about two unveal PC: okay good PC: thank you PC: i said id help im get a chance to fix shit so this means a lot PC: makaras 'war' with the fae is an escalating shitstorm thats starting to sweep in other people on purpose and darkleer was the latest victim PC: hell be okay but hes pretty shaken up PC: ive got him tho so hes already solved PC: but he was delivered specifically with a message that was political talk for 'were gotnna start invovilng people that associate you since you captured and tried to kill me the prince dude' PC: sunfall was his name PC: 'and were giving this one back 'cause were so nice' PC: also fucking bullshit for the record PC: both sides of this thing are reprehensible PC: did i spell that right PC: i dont think i care GD: honly fuckiing 2hiitball2 GD: we told them that we weren't goiing two get iinvolved iin that dii2pute GD: we were extremely fuckiing expliiciit about how we were not takiing 2iide2 or iinvolviing our2elve2 iin that bull2hiit GD: and they're fuckiing GD: draggiing u2 iin anyhow?? GD: ii'm glad darkleer ii2 okay but we made our po2iitiion extremely clear about how we felt about kiidnappiing2 the la2t tiime they took 2omeone PC: yes well im thinking they dont do well with listening PC: apparently ampora sent one of them back into the woods with an offering to mediate and part of the message back was a facny 'go fuck yourself' addressed to him PC: oh and did i mention that zahhak got returned by marching him through the city to the castle gates PC: cause that was a thing PC: which is why the door was busted PC: zahhak was understandably furious GD: u g h GD: my head hurt2 far two much for thii2 complete ranciid fe2teriing bull2hiit GD: do you know what DL'2 favoriite alcohol ii2 by chance? PC: anything brandy or old though hell take shit to make into booze too PC: specially honey PC: but i have good news PC: not only do you not need to get involved PC: makara told me that hes afraid to stop this war for fear of retaliation PC: so i suggested he go to sky since hes the one talking to them PC: to work with him and get help PC: cooperate with diplomacy ideas in an effort to solve this once and for all PC: and he agreed PC: now i dunno if hes actually gonna do it PC: and if he doesnt im revoking my help and vouch PC: but i think he will PC: and maybe we can stop this ridiculous body count from getting higher PC: and by we i mean me too PC: im heloing GD: ii am riidiiculou2ly grateful that 2omeone el2e ii2 on top of thii2 GD: oh ii've got honey ii've got a lot of that, ii'll 2end hiim 2ome a2 2oon a2 tryiing two pry my look bulb2 open do2nt re2ult iin iin2tant piierciing paiin GD: what do you mean by riidiiculou2 body count PC: hell appreciate it and cheer up probably PC: as will like PC: leaving him alone for a while PC: he needs some space and a lack of people so he can process PC: but i got him hell be okay PC: ... PC: okay so remember that part where you promised not to kill makara PC: that is relevant GD: we don't really talk anyhow, he hate2 me becau2e ii'm iin charge and not a hiighblood GD: and al2o becau2e ii'm rude GD: ii'm a very rude per2on GD: anyhow the honey'll be iin hii2 hiiveblock wiithiin an hour GD: .... GD: ye2 ii do 2eem two remember piinky 2weariing not two kiill the large clown becau2e of thiing2 you 2aiid GD: ii wa2 wonderiing when ii wa2 goiing two fiind the part that made me want two PC: he seems to be tolerating me and my mouth so far PC: but yeah it was more of a dont come asking him questions about his incident or anything until he starts volinteering it himself PC: he needs to set boundries again and have them be respected PC: yes PC: well PC: here it is PC: makaras half of the escalation has involved hunting down fae to kill for at least religious reasons PC: i have no idea of the specifics because i was two seconds from knocking his skull from his neck i didn't want to tempt my restraint listening to him justify it more than he already was PC: but the phrase ritual sacrafice was used PC: and thinking about this is not helping my gut settle PC: i fucking hate bodies GD: ii cannot GD: fuckiing even begiin two GD: b eli eve thii2 BULL2hiit GD: holy fuckiing chrii2te on a riitz biitz GD: why doe2 he thiink that2 okay GD: murder ii2 not okay GD: bodiie2 are the wor2t ii triied two 2park and ii'm iin hell GD: ii'm dumpiing my2elf iin a cold dark 2hower and turniing off the lamp iin my bad eye and puttiing on an eye patch GD: ii am not capable of currently 2u2taiiniing the amount of outrage and ragerage thii2 de2erve2 GD: ii2 thii2 why he wanted two be 2eperate from the ciity? GD: 2o he could kiill people for hii2 god2? PC: at least there is that keeping you from being impulsive PC: god knows i couldve used it yesterday PC: and i do not fucking know i tried to hammer in that perhaps this was fucked up but he wouldnt have it an di did not care enough to make him PC: ...i do kmnow that that is not why he is out there PC: partially because he is an idiot but partially because he did not think any of you would have him PC: not that im defending anything he did but i do not htink he planned this from teh beginning PC: i could be completely wrong of course but that is where i place my bet GD: well we 2ure a2 2hiit wouldnt have been lettiing hiim 2acrafiice people whiile liiviing iin the ciity GD: he2 huge! and 2cary! and he 2how2 up covered iin blood all the tiime GD: maybe iif he 2topped doiing all tho2e thiing2! That would be niice! PC: and that would be a matter for his topleaf to handle PC: or one of his other quadrants PC: and i am right fucking there with getting them to fucking do that PC: i doubt i will put up with any more of his whining about how everyone is afraid of him and treat him like a monster or however he phrases it PC: murder does that im afraid and maybe he should fucking stop PC: what a concept PC: ugh PC: please pretend that has emphasis i cannot find the right puntuation to do so PC: being caught between having no fucks and needing to express this much disgust is a terrible hell GD: iit2 goiing two become my problem iif thii2 e2culate2 two badly becau2e ii'm 2uppo2edly the captaiin of thii2 leaky tugboat GD: ha2 he only been kiilliing faeriie2 do you know? PC: id hardly call it a tugboat PC: perhaps a cargo carrier PC: but it is far better than those tiny little pretend ships PC: as far as i know it has only been fae PC: he was insistant it was because he was at war with them and as far as i know he has not declared war on anyone else yet GD: tugboat2 are cute dont dii22 the tug2 GD: ..well there2 a 2aviing grace iin thii2 after all GD: 2o what happen2 when he deciide2 he doe2nt liike what we're doiing and declare2 war on u2 two PC: they're hauty little things that think theyre important and imposing when they can fit inside one of my cannons PC: the battleships cannons PC: sorry PC: see i made that exact point and he got all indignant PC: he insists he neither wants the throne nor another alternia but thats all i can fucking see with this PC: and like fuck he listens to me he has no reason to GD: 2mall thiing2 are adorable GD: and II liike 2hiip2 wiith atmo captabiiliitiie2 GD: even though II get iintwo trouble ziippiing my liittle 2cout when II go out on mii22iion2 GD:.. 2orry thii2 ii2 probably a bad topiic ii2nt iit ugh GD: II 2tiill dont know why anyone2 lii2teniing two me let alone why he2 acknowledgiing my soveirgnty GD: II wa2nt worriied bout iit two much before but now.. PC: ...not for me it isnt PC: hard to forget im free when my skulls trying to explode PC: i am more worried about you PC: of that i have no fucking clue PC: its not as if we sat down and had a chat about his hopes and desires for his church hermitage PC: there was quite a bit more yelling than that and a narrower focus GD: yeah? II'm glad GD: my 2cout doe2nt have a helmiing 2y2tem iin2talled at all and that2 more or le22 why II get yelled at for enhaciing her GD: you diie once from braiin hemorragiing and 2uddenly you cant be tru2ted two know your liimiit2 GD: MMnh GD: .. okay two be perfectly faiir about the fae GD: II have iin all 2eriiou2ne22 contemplated kiilliing them more than a few tiime2 GD: and Twoblade ii2 barely held back from iit GD: they havent endeared them2elve2 two anyone GD: but fuckiing GD: ritual 2acrafiice though PC: reckless little thing you are PC: though if you could possibley keep from bleeding out from the ears PC: its so messy an d hard to clean up after PC: i doubt anyone wishes to deal with that PC: what appeals to you so much about atmo capabilties PC: ...i find my sympathy for them strained after hearing what happened to zahhak and what they have done to makaras moirail PC: but at you point out PC: fucking ritual sacrafice PC: i dont have striong enough worse to saay how repulsed i am by the idea PC: and that someone i fucking ;know; is doing it PC: and has been doing it for long enough that he will not admit it PC: god fucking ;damn; it PC: it wasnt that long ago when he convinced me that alternai waas behind him! PC: that he had changed! that nothing would repeat itself PC: ;ha; GD: dont worry II'm not doiing anything ob2cenely 2tupiid ju2t kiinda 2tupiid GD: iit doe2nt help two be the fa2te2t thiing iin a uniiver2e iif you never get two u2e iit two you advantage, yeah? GD:II know II'm lo2iing a lot of maniverabiiliity and wa2tiing energy but II've been workiing on 2ome 2chematiic2.. GD: anyhow ju2t GD: yeah. GD: oh geeze II'm 2orry p2ii GD: II dont thiink anyone knew he wa2 doiing that he2 been liike GD: playiing at beiing harmle22 for a 2weep and a half and iit2 kiinda GD: II'm anxiiou2 now PC: oh thank goodnes for a moment i was worried PC: id be curious to take a peek if you are up for sharing though PC: i admit i am far more furious than worried PC: i dont take kindly to being played PC: especially over shit like this PC: and double especially with the way he fucking did it PC: its shit like this that makes no one want him anywhere near them PC: and think him a fucking monster GD: II would love two, iif you're iintere2ted --geminiDoomed [GD] has sent file myshipnow.zip -- GD: ..diid he liie two you? -- palteringCecutiency [PC] accepted file! -- PC: i will look at that when i can process without pining for death PC: ...not directly PC: he is different than he was when he was alternian PC: i hesitate to use the word better but PC: less terrible PC: but glossing over the part where he has been luring in and carving up living people for his gods for a sweep in a half is a fucking huge omition!! PC: how do you tell a person that you have become a different person when you're still fucking dping that kind of shit!!!! PC: fucking hell PC: how the hell can he be alright with doing this GD: dont a2k me II dont GD: II can barely handle kiilliing people at all GD: II alway2 end up 2iick a2 fuck afterward2 and 2hakey GD: even wiith my atrociiou2 temper GD: II've never been very reliigiiou2 GD: 2o II dont know or under2tand what he miight have been doiing GD: but II know that Grand- one of my be2t friiend2 and hii2 alternate2 liike GD: wiill do a lot of 2hiit pretty bliindly ju2t for faiith, and iit2 taken a lot two get hiim two even begiin two examiine 2ome of the thiing2 he never que2tiioned before PC: ...as do i PC: or dont in this case PC: it is a miserable experience even when necessary PC: ugh PC: ...god please let it not be that PC: please let it be he was a panvoid or it is Her fault or something else PC: i PC: just do not want to think of that PC: its hard enough to reconsile the alternian with the beforian without needing to shower for the next sweep GD: II'm tryiing two fiigure out exactly what II 2aiid and exactly what that reactiion two iit ii2 PC: ...him following his faith mindlessly down the road to slaughter PC: i would rather he chose to be awful than to just PC: not give it a single thought PC: to be able to do such a thing without even a glimmer of hesitation GD: oh, yeah GD: but II thiink the empiire wa2 ba2iically buiild on people doiing horriible thiing2 every niight that they never even thought about GD: or thought of a2 weiird or wrong GD: ..he 2hould have 2ome context out2iide of that now though 2houldnt he? PC: part of it was PC: most of it was fear and the abuse of power PC: what use is it if the slave realizes their lives are awful if they fear death more PC: what use is trying to tell a slaver their beast of burden are people if they have never cared who they hurt PC: and you would think he would but who knows how much got through PC: and having ampora as his topleaf certainly isnt reassuring GD: II know there2 nothiing II can really 2ay two change your miind about Cae GD: 2o II'm not goiing two try. GD: ..hone2tly II'm ju2t not goiing two conte2t any of that GD: My head ii2 2pliittiing and 2omeone need2 two tell 2ky what2 goiing on PC: not it GD: II 2ee how iit ii2 GD: driink 2ome fruiit juiice and get 2ome a2priin PC: hey i dealt with makara ampora and the fucking elves yesterday PC: and im here today PC: you can do ;one; to your kismesis PC: but i will give it an attempt PC: though it is so far away and my head is already shattering so i cant cheat PC: woe PC: my life is full of nothing but woe GD: do you want me two ta2k a robot two briing you a driink PC: ...i am tempted PC: not just out of laziness but fucking hell this nausia is not helping PC: ...could i trouble you to/ PC: god there it was fuck PC: ...andi f it is possible for horuss as well? PC: i am not alone i n my tragic suffering GD: driink2, headache and antinau2ea pill2 comiing up for both of you GD: feel better GD: II'll me22age 2ky PC: i appreciate it PC: all of it PC: thank you PC: appropriate emote GD: appropriiate emote back -- geminiDoomed [GD] has ceased trolling palteringCecutiency [PC] --

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