#I NEED THIS GOOFY NERD IMMEDIATELY AND IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE!!!!!!

[rexscanonwife]

Good morning everyponyyyy I've gotten some rest and after a 6-day work week I finally have 3 days off!!! 😭💖💖 I get to spend them with my wonderful partner and I plan on getting more utonium drawing done 👉👈

Speaking of, I was browsing some posts and found this bit from one of the DC comics about a cat burglar that breaks into the utonium home and

OUGGGGHHHH 😩😩😩

THAT'S SO ME THIS GIRL KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD!! I'D LISTEN TO HIM SPIT SCIENCE JARGON ALL DAY IF I COULD 💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘

[randomsufff]

This is REALLY FUCKING LONG so hope y’all enjoy lmao. (Sorry if formatting looks weird- blame tumblr)

OK HERE WE GO PEOPLE- I will start by saying I don’t hate The Quarry. I like it very very much, but I think that it could be BETTER. Speedrun what I find lacking in the game.

1. There’s literally no ending

2. Some characters having no personality (looks at Abi and Nick)

3. Honestly they don’t feel like friends/ people who’ve worked with kids for a summer

4. They move from area to area with little reward/ purpose in the end. (Looks at Junkyard scene- like wtf was that for)

5. Also- some choices just- don’t make sense (looks at Dylan cutting off his whole ass hand with a old ass chainsaw/ fucking gun and doesn’t immediately die from blood loss/ has no worry about possible infection afterwards.)

Listen- I get that it’s supposed to be like a cheesy slasher film (“that what the VCR box covers are for” I KNOW) but I really did not get that feeling AT ALL when playing. It just felt like bad writing at times.

SO! Here’s my version: The Quarry starts off like a cheesy slasher film (beginning of the game is mostly the same- Max and Laura’s little horror movie moment, wanting to stay a day longer bc of Emma, cheesy fire pit scene…)- with all the characters playing up a certain archetype ( Emma- “popular girl”, Jacob- “stupid jock”, Nick- “try hard nice guy”, Abi- “quite nerd”. Kaitlyn- “headstrong leader”, Dylan- “comic relief”, Ryan- “brooding loner”) to 1000%, to the point where it’s almost cringe worthy. (If you can’t predict whatever stupid ass line they’re gonna say next- I don’t want it.) BUT THEN- as the night goes on they gain more depth and shit. Idk this can tie into a parallel/metaphor of the werewolf where these teens are changing into people they’re not- becoming a monstrous version of themselves in their eyes??? Idk I’m spitballing, don’t think about it too deeply.

The Hag of Hacketts Quarry will play a bigger part in the actual story- wanting revenge against the Hacketts and supernaturally influencing the teens and the wolves to try and kill all the Hacketts. The Hacketts ARE NOT ASSHOLES FOR NO REASON- they are a normal family (who treats Ryan like family too) who are trying their best to fix the mess they made, in the worst way possible. This way- the player can morally struggle if they decide to end the Hackett family bloodline.

(Beware- it is truly so long beneath this read more- I sincerely thought about just putting a link to somewhere you can read this but thought that was too much effort for everyone involved. Have fun :D)

I went really in-depth in my jumbled notes, including what different choices would look like, but I’ll follow my “Best Ending” Route bc it’s the one that gives everyone a chance to shine.

DA CHARACTERS AND THEIR ARCS:

- Dylans pretty fine as is. Add that he feels like a liar to Ryan and can’t truly date him cause he’s been putting on a persona all summer. Overcompensates with humor

- Kaitlyn- very confident in who she is (anyone who’s that good with a gun automatically is lol)- but also has bad anxiety attacks or something. Like she’s very go with the flow and know what she’s about but if she thinks about her life and future too long that’s when she starts to spiral. A true “try to casually dismiss all the problems in my life” kinda gal. (Same bestie)

- Jacob: similar to original but needs to play up his heart more, shows he really cares for his friends. Have him be very sacrificial. He’ll act like a stereotypical bro jock at first but he’ll reveal his true himbo nature later on. He acts goofy bc it makes people/the kids laugh the most but feels like maybe he’s too annoying at times/ pushes it too far.

- Emma: A pretty big influencer, convincing Hackett that a “day to day” vlog about the camp and councilors will help bring popularity/ positively impact reputation. Have her constantly blogging and preforming for the camera. Arc will be her hating that and wanting to quit but not wanting to let people down.

- Abi: Needs more personality in general. Have her go from reserved and walk overy to self confident and brave. Have her be crafty and smart (picking locks, putting together the truth?, getting out of situations cleverly).

- Fucking Nick: needs the most work of all. Why tf is he British? That’s his only personality bro. He feels like he needs to conform, his accent makes him feel like he stands out too much and people secretly make fun of him. All the other councilors have been working together for years, but he’s just joined the team this summer so he feels extra out of place. He’s a try hard, sucking up to Jacob a lot- he doesn’t need to tho, Jacob likes him as a friend/ as he is.

- Ryan just needs to either get over denial faster or make it very obvious he’s in denial and have others call him out. Main problem people had with him was he was kinda on Chris’ side, was defending them/he looked sus as hell. Highlight his relationship with the Hacketts more. Show that he’s like family to them. Also should show people look to him as their natural leader- have the others respect him more. Have him seem aloof because he didn’t really know how to interact with others, and sometimes the feelings don’t feelings so he can’t communicate/ emote his emotions that well. Would rather be seen as brooding and mysterious then incompetent at emotion.

Ok Major Backstory changes that the story revolves around-

- THE HAG HAS A BIGGER INVOLVEMENT. Basically everything’s gone to shit cause of her/ her want of revenge. Thought tonight is the perfect opportunity (all the teens there- scare them into killing Hacketts/ send Turned wolfs after Hacketts)

- Chris’ kids were being kept in the electric cages in the basement (for reasons explained later). The Hag caused a power outage that night so that’s how they escaped into the wild.

- Play up an unexplained anger towards the Hacketts/ Chris when things go to shit (it’s the Hags influence in an effort to make them kill the Hacketts)

- Only the brothers (cousins? I forgot what they were) go after the councilors, and there’s not a single thought behind those eyes so thought it was best to kidnap and hide the teens until dangers over to not risk them knowing the Truth TM.

- Ryan can only romance Dylan- sorry Kaitlyn but there was 0 chemistry/ scenes in the original so… (Also that stupid “thing” between Lauren and Ryan doesn’t exist cause it’s so pointless.)

Story lets go:

Beginning will stay mostly the same- again, play up archetypes and makes super cheesy. Jacob will take the car piece/ cut fuel line because he wants to “hang with Emma one more night” (Or so he says). Have Ryan step up after Chris leaves and be more instant that they stay in the cabin and the player can choose wether they do or don’t. (If they stay inside no one can get bit.)

Sine we’re going best ending- everyone stays inside. Just move fire pit scene to a fireplace setting. Emma and Jacob still get snacks/ gun after approval from Ryan and a promise to stick together. Have everyone play up their respective archetypes more/ longer and establish relationship dynamics. The power goes out (cause of the Hag) and the campers decide to crowd around the fireplace.

Fire place is where real personalities start to show. HIGHLIGHT HOW THEY ARE ALL FRIENDS. I mean ffs they worked with kids with each other for a whole summer (and have worked with each other previous summers), they should interact more comfortably with each other. They can talk about their summer with the campers and stupid horror stories of working with little kids during summer. Can acknowledge how they self censor themselves unconsciously etc. Have that be a set up for whatever ridiculous swears they say.

Etc etc, truth or dare- Kiss Dylan/ Kaitlyn will impact how much Ryan like Dylan back (along with how many flirty dialogue was picked). Emma and Nick- both will look hesitant but will both go through with the kiss dare (Emma being super showy about it and filming it while Nick doesn’t want to be called a coward). No one runs off cause that stupid and who tf runs off into the dark forest bc your crush kissed someone else 💀. Just show Jacob being sad and Abi also being sad but also kinda accepting her fate cause she didn’t think she was good enough for Nick anyways. Cue Awkward Tension that Dylan breaks with a joke. Emma then dare Abi to, idk, move everything in Hacketts office over by an inch. Nick volunteers to help (cause he saw how sad/ understanding she looked and wanted to talk) and they head off. Jacob says he’s gonna take a breather but Emma knows what’s up and follows him eventually.

Nick and Abi have conversation/ interaction similar to original game in Hacketts office. (“Ha, so are we actually gonna move everything?” “Let’s just move his stapler and wait for a few minutes ha, I’m not moving everything.” *Then they talk or whatever*)

Meanwhile Emma meets up with Jacob- she complains a bit or whatever and asks why Jacobs so bothered since they’re not together anymore. Reveal that Jacob never got a straight answer as to why, other then a vague “long distance won’t work”, and asks if she even truly liked him in the first place or if he actually was some summer fling. Emma will look hesitant but then BOOM GUNSHOTS ARE HEARD NEARBY (it’s the brothers trying to tranc at a werwolf trying to get in the cabin).

Everyone obviously gets concerned. They can hear scratching, whatever, more gunshot, essentially near their window. The brothers come knocking on the door, and that’s when shit goes down, everyone has to hide and run away. Would be a hold breath situation that you can fail or win as they break into the cabin. If win, Jacob will decide to eventually self sacrifice cause the brothers were close to Dylan and Abi or something. Shouts and runs out causing the brothers to follow him. After they leave Dylan says they should get help via the radio shack. Emma, Abi and Nick go to find Jacob (Nick has the gun) Dylan, Kaitlyn and Ryan go to shack after taking Chris gun.

Emma, Nick and Abi find Jacob caught in a trap yelling, the brothers putting blood on face. If Jacob took the car piece, it’ll be lost as he’s trashing around. They can eavesdrop to what they are saying into walkie talkie to gain some context early on or attack straight out. Attack sequence. Abi and Nick will team up against two hunters while Emma gets Jacob out. The hunters aren’t trying to kill them so they’re like, trying to knock the teens out at best. Cue Abi and Nick fighting for their lives lmao. Emma will get Jacob out, and you can fail the fight resulting in Nick and Abi getting captured. However, best case scenario, you pass the quick time events and everyone will run as soon as Jacobs free. Will head to the radio shack.

Jacob and Emma will hang back and try to pick up the convo they started in the cabin on way to radio shack. Maybe start to dive into the problem of Emma’s want to not disappoint her fans and how that’s affected how she acts with Jacob. Abi and Nick will also talking. Idk maybe they’ll try to compare themselves to Emma and Jacob. Like the Nick will feel like how he doesn’t fit in/ not as outgoing as Jacob, Abi feeling the same about Emma. Everyone will eventually group together together to speculate wtf is happening.

Meanwhile- Kaitlyn will hover a good distance ahead of Dylan and Ryan cause she knows what’s up with them. Says it’s to protect their sorry asses since she’s the best with a gun but is really wingmaning for Dylan lol. The conversation bw Ryan and Dylan being the same as in game cause that was cute. At shacks, everything’s mostly same with Kaitlyn hanging by the door to be on watch (she will also provide biting commentary when Dylan does his famous SOS speech etc.

K- “Wow I can’t believe I’m the only one in possession of a brain cell here.”

D-“Hey- You we’re supposed to hand over custody of it hours ago”

K-“well clearly you’ve failed to pick it up at the specified time so I’m keeping it for the weeken-“

R-“Holy shit guys can we focus on not dying rn please”)

Dylan won’t ask to amputate arm bc that so stupid and unrealistic without proper medical equipment. He will be bit if opened door in first chapter with Abi, no choice to cut off arm/ stop effects. But in Best RouteTM Abi doesn’t opens the door. Continue as usual with the second group arriving, hiding in the cabin and attracting the wolf, and Dylan chasing it away with radio frequency. The group meets up, (Could include Emma’s air freshener/mace scene with Dylan when he opens the cabin door bc that shit was funny) and hears Lauren injuring the daughter. (Ok I thought long an hard about it but I think the player should have the opportunity to save all the Hacketts. I can’t make it possible to save everyone but one- it’s not very rewarding. SO INSTEAD- she only injured the daughter but thinks she killed Chris because 1) she couldn’t get close to the body to verify with all the councilors immediately rushing onto the scene and 2) thought that just shooting a silver bullet would do the trick and didn’t think much about aiming for the head/ heart- so she just got her in like the leg). The teens will see this Thing passed out by the water- that’s clearly not a bear- and freak tf out. The immediately hide in the swimming pool area. The daughter wolf will be heard retreating bc she’s got this bullet scorching her from the inside in her leg and is weak from the water puddles near the pool.

Ok here Jacob will confess to messing with the car. Bc that didn’t get talk about at all in game. Everyone will be outraged of course. Emma will be like wtf are you serious rn. Jacob defends himself like “I just wanted to talk- I felt like we wouldn’t get another chance- I just wanted tonight to be fun I literally had no idea this was gonna happen.” Admit he lost the piece if he took it. Eventually Ryan says he forgives him. Some people (Emma? Abi?) can be like wtf but Kaitlyn will chime in and agree like- “it’s in the past, there’s literally nothing we can do. If werwolves weren’t a thing this probably would have been the best night ever, just hanging with you all one last time.” Everyone will reflect on that- Jacob will look grateful. Ryan will agree like, “we need to keep our heads on straight anyways- Kaitlyn is 100% right- it’s in the past. Lets focus on what to do next/ how to survive”

(If either Abi, Nick got bit - here would be a transformation/ shooting scene, similar to the original, but since this is the Best Route and no one’s bit we shall move on)

Nervous breakdowns time (yay) especially from Ryan. He keeps trying to keep the situation under control and downplay/ logic his way out through increasingly ludicrous excuses. Dylan will call him out/ calm him down (though this can be done by Kaitlyn if Dylan’s romance points are low). Big Time will pass with them trying to think of what to do and passing back and forth information/ evidence player has collected when Laura knocks. They’ll move to main room to crowd around door. Continue as game. Have Ryan act more leader-ly with the others huddling together behind Jacob, and Kaitlyn (who still have both guns bc it’s stupid how one of them gets lost in the original game) who are on either side of Ryan. Continue as usual as Laura explains where she’s been.

Everything there’s the same. Backstory wasn’t wasn’t awful in my opinion. Travis asks for help, she agrees yadda yadda. HOWEVER- I think his reasoning for her helping him was a bit shit tho. So- he’s kept her there to watch her boyfriend turn to convince her that helping him will save Max (Bigger chance of finding them, if only slightly though he’ll take any help at this point). She’ll agree bc it’s canon she’ll do anything to save Max. Hell, LET TRAVIS ACTUALLY BRING HER HIS FINDINGS AND PLAN SHIT WITH HER (but he doesn’t tell her everything- just enough info to plan to kill Silas). They’ll work as a ACTUAL TEAM and wait till the next full moon. Time skip a month, plan is Laura and Travis will split up trying to find the wolf in the woods. Laura brings Max cause she doesn’t want him locked up alone/ doesn’t fully trust Travis to not pull some shit. Understands Silas has an attachment to that burnt circus and focuses there before spreading out. Boom power outage happens, Travis gets called to house. Laura goes on to “kill” the daughter thinking it’s Chris, yadda yadda, visit island, etc. She’ll note Max escaped (because be fr no way a werwolf is bested by a fucking locked trapped door when he can just burst through the roof or something) and gets chased off the island similar to Emma in the original (QTE and all). NOTE: There will be another wolf who joins the chase near the end (Spoiler alert- it’s Chris cause he knew he wouldn’t be able to make it to the cages in time) If she fails enough QTE she has her werewolf bite, but again- Perfect Route so that doesn’t exist and her eye will forever be fucked (Kinda cheep for them to give her this gruesome injury only to magic it away :/).

Present day. Cue pissed off everyone about how Chris/ the Hacketts willingly put them and LITTLE KIDS in danger. Play up that unexplained anger in everyone, though Ryan’s is a bit more low-key. Laura learns of the power outage, that the thing she shot wasn’t dead - and says “welp I don’t have time for this I’m off to hunt Chris’s ass down for real this time.” Have Ryan intervene and convinces her to let him talk to the Hacketts to properly explain what tf is happening. Again, the Hacketts are not assholes cause that’s cheap. Really have Ryan drive home that he thinks of them like family and Vice versa. (Cause like Chris cares for him, he’s on good standing with his kids, if the parents/brothers lives on campus why isn’t he good with them too???) Have Ryan pled with her to not harm the Hacketts. That he’ll help her hunt down Silas (They all will- everyone volunteers) and their best bet is gathering all the info from the source. Offers to take her to the Hacketts residence so they can hear the explanation together (half because he doesn’t trust her not to go off by herself and kill Chris). Laura agrees cause they might also have an idea where Chis is, but is willing to at least hear what they have to say. Meanwhile Emma, Jacob, Abi and Nick will head back to camp while Dylan and Kat go to find a car part to replace. Kaitlyn will say only her and Dylan will go bc it has less a chance of someone else getting hurt and really what’s one more person gonna help against a friking werwolf. Ryan agrees and everyone splits off, each group having a gun for protection.

IN THE CABIN:

The gang will hole up in Chris’s office bc staying in the cellar is useless and scary.

Nick and Abi will hang by the bedroom/ be elsewhere while Emma and Jacob finally get the the root of their problems in the main room. Similar to Abi and Emma’s convo in the original, perhaps Emma is trying and failing to maintain her persona as she’s record everything for evidence/ diary log sake. Jacob will ask why she’s still pandering to an audience. He says that he felt like he rarely spent time with the real her. Emma has her heart to heart where she feels like it’s all she has- how she understands it’s why their relationship was so strained in the first place but couldn’t break free from her following that easily. She broke up with him not cause of lack of wanting to make long distance work or lack of love but because she felt like he didn’t deserve to date someone like her: their entire relationship being founded and so tightly integrated with this fake personality she’s created. Like said before- she hates it and what it’s done to her life but it feels like a switch she can’t turn off sometimes and the guilt of letting down people who constantly praise her for being a source of happiness and entertainment is enough to stop her from attempting to fix that. Jacob listens and understands- he felt at times he was putting on a tough/goffy act like she does. Cause it makes people smile the most. That he’s not sure if his everyone even likes him all that much or if he’s too annoying. Plus he feels responsible and super guilty for everyone being stuck here.

Abi and Nick will then interrupt saying they’ve heard enough - having eavesdropped on the whole convo.

Abi and Nick will say theirs heart to hearts to those two. Abi starts by saying that Emma has no reason to fear everyone being disappointed in her because she’s awesome the way she is. Emma never really played up the part around Abi that much since she doesn’t like the camera/is camera shy so she know how Emma really acts (which isn’t that different from the persona she plays. Her friendliness and her kindness of reaching out to anyone not included is very much there) . Claims that the true followers don’t like her for the drama she creates but the kindness and affection she has towards her friends and the kids. Goes on to complement her and her people skills. She understands her following is important to her but tells her that she really has no reason to be afraid to reveal her true self since she’s already so great, that the people who really love her content will stick around.

Nick could bring up the kiss dare between him and Emma- how unhappy she looked after. Say that he held his tongue bc he felt like he didn’t have the right to say anything since he’s not THAT close with her- but now says that he see how taxing performing all the time is on her- and how she deserves to be able to do whatever she wants.

THEN he rears to Jacob to say AND YOU WDYM YOURE TOO ANNOYING??? YOU LITERALLY SACRIFICED YOURSELF FOR EVERYONE WDYM YOU THINK EVERYONE HATES YOU? He reassures that while he was really PISSED at him for messing with the car- before everything turned to shit it WAS a fun night and it honestly Chris’s fault for hosting a fucking kids camp while being a werwolf/ near werwolf ground. He goes on to say his insecurities- that Jacob is the only guy to make him feel included. That he was the one who constantly reached out to Nick when Nick felt outcasted because he’s a new counselor and his accent (idk kids would probably mildly make fun of that shit and he’s been mocked in the past so not good combo ig) Jacobs his roll model- and perhaps he’s been trying a little too hard to fit in but he wants to be liked in the same way everyone likes Jacob.

Abi agrees and says how Jacob would always reach out to her and Ryan (two of the more shyer members of the group) whenever they did something. It pushed her out of her comfort zone but it was honestly what she needed- otherwise she wouldn’t have been as close with/ even talked to the others now. Goes on to say he was a good person who helped whoever needed it- counseled or kid.

THEN A WERWOLF HOWLES IN THE DISTANCE (or wherever the fuck they do). They’re safe but that spurs them to try and piece together everything so far. Mayhaps depending on how many clues the player finds affects if they can piece together the Hag’s revenge / can actually come up with a plan or not?

MEANWHILE- Dylan and Kaitlyn go to the junkyard to look for the part. They ALSO have a good heart to heart. Kaitlyn sees Dylan STRUGGLING IN THE TRENCHES with Ryan. Dylan thinks Kaitlyn likes Ryan cause of her little “dark brooding and mysterious joke” and tries to ask her opinion on the other councilors (But he really wants to know about her opinion on Ryan). She sees right through that shit but still messes with him- (this can 100% be a player choice to either keep going to another camper or just say “like Ryan?” lmao) like “Oh Emma? She funny as fuck and always so kind despite her popular bitch online persona. Jacob? a himbo (he’s trying), I’m jealous of Abis drawing talent like wtf, Nicks super chill and he was a riot with the kids (lmao do you know how many kids had crushes on him?)”.

Eventually Dylan will be like “don’t make me say it”- Bla bla banter- “so……. do you like Ryan??? Plz stop laughing I need to know, Kaitlyn this isn’t funny” and Kaitlyn just laughing her ass off like “boi im aroace” (ok maybe this is me projecting) but she can just say “I was JOKING LMAO IM NOT INTO HIM” and Dylan will be like“……..ok- but like what about that Laura girl do you think he’s into her? He’s probably into her right? I mean she’s so badass and she very competent which I am totally NOT so-“ and Kaitlyn will turn to him and dead-pan say “ you dumb bitch first of all she’s taken- she’s literally hunting down werewolf’s BECAUSE of her boyfriend what makes you think she’ll let Ryan’s skinny ass make a move on her?”

Romance point level will effect Kaitlyns advice. With a high amount she’ll say “plus he’s totally into you.” Cue spluttering from Dylan and lame excuses (wow this is really rom-comy) and she’s like upupupup. Now if Ryan kissed Dylan she can bring that up but if he kissed Kaitlyn then she can comment how disappointed he looked at himself. She’ll be like- “he’s so into you- I mean, I overheard you telling him about your nerdy alter ego back when we were heading for the radio. You had a total Rom-Com moment“ *cue more spluttering from Dylan* Kaitlyn will laugh but then she’ll be like “ok but seriously- that guy is really into you man. He talks more around you then anyone else- he seems interested whenever you talk- hell! You even told him about you’re nerdy science side and he was not fazed.“

“Yeah but what if he was only pretending? What if he was only interested in DJ Dylan *cue stupid hand gesture* ? I really don’t think I could handle a rejection like that for… no that’s it. I can’t handle rejection full stop.” (Insert more self deprecating things here about a feeling of fake confidence and such whenever he interact with Ryan because he can’t handle him not liking how he truly is)

“well fuck that man- I mean we’re still teens right? Listen- I know what it’s like, to be afraid of the future ok?” Kaitlyn will then go on to say how she used to meticulously worry about her future, whether she’d be able to survive the “adult world” on her own. Was constantly trying to plan for the future that she didn’t realize she was wasting her present. And it didn’t even matter anyways because it’s impossible to plan for the future. She was only supposed to be a sub councilor to cover for Jacob for a few weeks but seeing how carefree and happy Dylan, the kids, just everyone was made her realize how uptight she was about being constantly prepared for anything. She’s still afraid of what the future will hold of cause but she won’t superficial things stop what she wants to do now,- “just like I won’t let your fear of possible rejection stop you from AT LEAST shooting your shot. Like being rejected right now, would not even be close to the top worse things that have happened tonight. We’ve quite literally almost died like three times and counting and found out that werewolves are real.“ She then goes on to complement Dylan’s smarts and humor, his instinct to cheer up anyone who needs it. (“Would you honestly want to date someone you can’t be yourself around? If he doesn’t like “Dylan Dylan” that’s on HIM not YOU.”) Goes on to say that Ryan should be so LUCKY as to date a dude like him and-

“In fact… I want you to promise me. Pinky promise me you’ll ask him out at the end of this nightmare.” And Dylan will be like “lol if we survive” she’ll be like *dead pan stare* “all the more reason to survive right?” And Dylan’s like. Fuck she’s right- and Is lowkey inspired to go ask him out rn- but there is a time and a place and when better to drop a bombshell like a crush then at the end of a traumatic experience such as this- the movies always do it… so he promises- yay. (Can actually choose wether or not to confess to Ryan at the end) They continue looking for the car piece and can actually acquire it if they survive all QuickTime events and Dylan’s not bit. (Cause them not getting anything is stupid af.)

MEANWHILE MEANWHILE Ryan and Laura. Same as usual- except he will actually say something about Dylan and not his stupid ass dismissive response. No flirting bw the two of them, that was also stupid af. Ryan could quickly confess how he’s not been the best with emotions/ has never been in a relationship so he has no idea what to feel/do with Dylan. Laura can give him some advice and tell him how she feels when she’s around Max (He makes me laugh, we support each other through tough times, I tell him my fears and he understands and makes me feel safe/valid, etc.) Little oh moment for Ryan there. They show up in the room and the Hackets are merely mildly arguing about Chris and the kids running around. Travis notices Ryan and Lauren and is like tf????? Why? How tf did you get here? Ryan’s like- we fell through a hole 😔. Anyways Ryan asks for clarification- lowkey breaking down about the situation. The Hacketts are like fuckkkkk- yeah sorry man and comfort him.

EXPLANATION TIME. Travis would turn to Laura and be like- I didn’t tell you everything bc I didn’t fully trust you wouldn’t just kill my brother and she’s like “😬 yeah… I understand man” Anyways. So backstory’s mainly the same. Daughter and son free Silas-etc. THE HAG HAUNTS THEM. She wants them DEAD. Eventually learned of how to end it all - gotta kill Salis. Hunt begins with everyone gathering on full moon to try and find them. Chris and kids were kept at jail with silver painted walls at first to contain them. However couldn’t be a permanent since they were slowly building a tolerance to the silver paint and could break out. Planning to use the island, but needed to prepare it to make it totally isolated. Months ago- Travis suddenly suggested they store the others in the electric cages- in case the bars fail them now. (really he kidnapped Max and Lauren and we’re keeping them in the cells so he needed an excuse to place Chris and co. elsewhere) Says more people can keep an eye on them- they can tranq em or whatever if they get too rowdy- etc. they agree- it works and the werewolves seem to almost recognize the Hacketts- inspiring them to hold them in the cages again the next full moon (aka today). However- power outage happened and they escaped while everyone else was preparing/hunting. Mother and Father can’t leave the house (cause they old and be in the most in danger) called back Travis to protect them- sent the brothers after the kids. Again- there’s not a single though behind those eyes and they though that just kidnapping them/ covering them in blood without telling them what’s actually happening will protect them from idk the government? Preventing the information that werewolf’s exists from escaping and their involvement? They were arguing about fully telling the councilors or not since Travis already told Laura stuff and where Chris could be cause he’s not there.

Ok so NOW- Laura becomes like- progressively upset? Like tell me why tf would you endanger kids like that- why would you endanger US LIKE THAT? and like she be pointing the gun and shit- and maybe the Hag can be seen in like the corner just- lurking. And as Ryan you can intervene or not. If does he takes the gun from her and no one dies. The lights flicker (implied the hag is mad they didn’t kill a Hackett ). They then hear werewolves enter/attack the house. Travis mentions there are powerful tranqs/tranq guns in this storage esc room- tells them to get em and don’t kill any wolf that isn’t white cause that’ll be someone they know. Tranqs won’t last long so Travis will try to get the parents out of the house, suggests they do the same after they get the tranqs. They all split up. Depending on how many people turned will determine how many wolves are in the house. In this Route- it’s only Silas, the daughter and the son.

Cue quick time events, getting to the room, getting the gun, the daughter chasing them halfway through. Laura will get attacked, Ryan will pick up her shotgun and aim it- do the aim thing, make it like super quick- supposed to not do anything and he’ll be like- oh shit wrong gun and get out the tranq, and quick time events to shoot? After Ryan and Laura get the gun they go can head back in to save the others or leave.

Leaving will kill the Hacketts/ led to Ryan heading back to the cabin to wait it out with everyone else while Laura goes off to kill Chris (she figures he’s the second wolf on the island- will quickly add this route leads to the of shooting one of the two werewolves, Wolf!Max or Wolf!Chris Al la DBH style, being able to tell who to shoot via wolf’s body language/ one of the wolves recognizing her and seemingly holding back).

Travis and the brothers will be mildly injured, point the kids to other room where last saw parents, son is about to attack the mom, quick aim thing where have to shoot tranq before dad kills the son. SALIS STALKS OUT THE SHADOWS. He’s 1 v 7 so he tries to make a break for it, Laura shoots and hits his leg before it leaps out the window. Boom all Hackets saved, Hag is PISSED next time you see her.

Decide it’s best to stick together bc horror movies always get that wrong. Travis tells kids he’ll escort them back to cabin where they will hunker down till morning- it’s too dangerous to go hunting for Salis now with this many loose wolfs. Laura’s like fuck that I’m not abandoning my boyfriend- we’re killing this mf tonight or I go after Chris myself. (Present same island logic as other route). Mans is like ok- well- if we’re gonna do this we’ll need to involve everyone then- more manpower the better. So go off to cabin to plan, driving everyone in Travis’ car to get there fast.

Back at cabin they realize the connection bw Hag and Salis and how she prolly wants revenge. Cue someone being like, “yeah I was like unnaturally murderous towards Chris all night, for some reason.” And everyone’s like “you too?” Travis and co. arrive. Dylan will hug Ryan in relief- cue Kaitlyn and Laura winking it up. Talking bla bla, planning bla bla. Cabin group says their Hag/ Silas theory- Travis tells them about the daughter and sons involvement in the fire, Abi puts together maybe she wants revenge, Ryan chimes in saying they literally got attacked by all the wolves like 5 minutes ago. Decide to use Hacketts in open area as bait in to lure Salis out. Everyone else will try to tranquilize the other wolfs like last time/ lure them away in time to get Sailis alone and kill him. If got the car piece the car will be available to assist.

Boom- huge fighting/ hiding sequence. Takes place in a huge clearing surrounded by woods. Starts with Travis and parents calling out and mocking the Hag and Salis. (If councilors turned they appear here in wolf form along with Silas). Silas, the daughter and the son appear. Normal wolves appear as like allies/ backup💀. Pairs attracts attention and gets chased by regular wolfs while Laura and Kaitlyn try to kill Silas/ deal with the family. (cause they’re the best shots)

Three tranq guns- one for each other pair. The pairs being Emma/Dylan, Abi/Jacob, Ryan/Nick. ??? Idk we need the others interacting with each other.

(Emma Dylan have a sassy duo vibe. Abi exasperated by Jacobs simpleness but still appreciate his confidence and presence. Ryan and Nick are unusual besties. Know about others respective crushes and talk about them. Dylan’s romance point changes Ryan’s dialogue (“Yeah he’s so *dies in vague flailing hand gestures* ”- or “idk after tonight idt I can handle dating someone rn”))

BOOM shit goes down, the wolves appear. Starting from one duo- after running and fighting, go to next duo and switch to their pov. Lots of QTE. Have everyone interacting together as a group/ with others. Idk at least helping each other off ground/ protecting them in battle as group grows.

Meanwhile- Kaitlyn and Laura fighting for their lives against son, daughter and Silas. Travis police car will be used here to help protect the Hacketts from danger, while fixed van is used to drive out of range from attacks/ provides extra protection. Epic battle, saving Travis and parents from attacks. Brothers and parents in charge of tranqing the son and daughter. Travis body slams Silas with the fixed car, Laura shoots to immobilize him and Kaitlyn makes the final shot. Boom everyone’s saved.

Ends with everyone making it to the clearing as Kaitlyn makes final shot, Hag screams etc. Group hug with councilors, all crying with relief night is over

Actual Ending scene yay. Begins with Laura and Travis finding Max and Travis in the island. Emotional reunion with Laura and Max, her fretting over his appearance and health, Vice versa while Travis and Chris do that sibling nod. Though once Travis mentions it’s over- like truly, fully over, they hug too. Honestly, include something acknowledging the shit Travis has done/ gone through to cover his family’s asses. After they part sees Laura staring him down. Chris will then recognize Lauren and Max and start profusely apologizing, saying how he truly never meant for any of this to happen and how sorry he is for knowingly putting a lot of people in danger. Laura says she can’t speak for everyone but she won’t/can’t forgive or forget but she understands his desperation to fix things to make his loved ones back to normal. They all head back to the cabin .

Everyone else/ survivors waiting on cabin porch as sun comes up.

Dylan and Ryan pair off (Kaitlyn and Nick giving thumbs up then looking at each other like YOU??! Knew too????) Cue confession scene from Dylan- could ask for number properly (haha rule of threes). Ryan will then confess his character thing about not properly knowing what he’s feeling towards Dylan, has never really been in a relationship before, isn’t the best at showing or processing his emotions etc etc. but likes the idea of being in one with Dylan (aw- cut to Dylan being flustered as fuck as he really didn’t expect this lmao). Interaction end with Ryan offering to share his earbuds with Dylan. (“So… I’m surprised you’ve managed to keep your earbuds all night. Been listening to that podcast all night?” “Ha ha. Actually, I kinda forgot these were here. … … want to listen to the Hag episode with me and laugh at what they got wrong?” “Fuck yeah”)

Something bw Nick and Abi? Show with banter that shows a more self confident Abi and Nick. Could either stay friends or pursue the romantic relationship (honestly I can see either being good). Emma and Jacob discuss how they won’t get back together for now but will rebuild their relationship without that block of trying to impress others.

Laura and Max joins the others as Chris is seen talking with his kids and family a ways away. End with all councilors bantering with each other similar to beginning, except dynamics have changed. (Laura introduces Max properly- him and Dylan immediately hit it off- cut to Laura and Ryan rolling their eyes at their shitty puns. Kaitlyn complementing Laura’s gun skills and asking where she’s learned. Jacob congratulating Ryan, was rooting for them the whole time. Nick discussing science shit with Dylan??? Idk really- can make it feel cheesy lol, just make them interact outside of usual pairs) Eventually they all sit down- the exhaustion hitting as the sun starts peaking over the horizon. Someone ( Abi?) goes like “were all going to be traumatized for life from this night… aren’t we.” “Oh for sure” “Cant wait for the nightmares” “at least we have humor to unhealthy cope” as cop cars roll in.

Podcast bit went on too long- was good concept but way too long. Shorten that a lot + better visuals then just a screen. Maybe show the campers all listening to it in various places? Can show a bit about how/where they are outside of camp.

Yayayayayya finished! Holy hell that was a lot hope you enjoyed reading.

[usemeasabadexample]

Bechloe Fic: The Kraken Has Been Unleashed

Summary: Chloe has a way with her. That’s for sure. And, as uncomfortable as it might make her to think about it in this very moment, Beca’s starting to wonder just what that really means.

Set at the beginning of Pitch Perfect 2. Kind of canon, kind of...not canon. Mostly fluff and fun and maybe some very mild angst at best. Nothing too stressful. We’ve been through enough of that!

Read on AO3

Chapter 10

Beca's alarm wakes her up way too early the next morning.

Usually, she'd snooze the clock ten times, roll out of bed and barely have time to brush her teeth before running to class. This morning is different though. It's the first day of her internship and she wants to be prepared.  Wants to look professional. And she's pretty sure professional doesn't include a messy bun with sweatpants and one of Chloe's Barden t-shirts.

So she gets up early. Showers and puts on something nice before grabbing a bowl of cereal.

“You look hot this morning DJ. What's up?” Stacie ambles into the kitchen and gestures to Beca's outfit while opening up the refrigerator.

Beca looks up from her breakfast. “Hey Stace.” She swallows the bite she just shoved into her mouth. “Nothing. Just...won't have time to change before the party later.” The stool screeches across the floor as she stands and drops her bowl into the sink. “See you tonight.” She grabs her things and rushes out before Stacie can ask anymore questions. Stacie can sniff out a lie from a mile away so the last thing she needs to do is play a game of 20 questions with the house genius.

“Can’t wait!” Stacie calls out as Beca hustles out of the door to get to her first class on time, excited for what the day holds.

-----

Jesse’s car is rounding the corner as Beca walks away from her last class so she picks up speed. She doesn’t trust him. He has a knack for embarrassing her in public places. Not maliciously. Just...dorky.  

“Hey superstar!” Jesse shouts out of the car window as he screeches to a halt. He leans over the center console to sling the passenger door open for Beca. “Damn! Work it Bec!”

Beca practically sprints the rest of the way to the car. “Oh my god.” She jumps in and slams the door, frantically trying to roll up the window. “Please shut up.”

Jesse laughs. “Is that any way to talk to your chauffeur for the day?”

“Keep it up and it’ll only get worse.” Beca side eyes him and adjusts the radio.

Jesse always plays late fifties pop songs and while Beca appreciates all types of music, she can't sit there and listen to it for extended periods. Although it does give her ideas for new mixes. Chloe always loves it when she mashes up old school songs with new stuff. Her thoughts stay trained on her best friend and she wonders what Chloe is up to. Between the rush of getting ready and trying not to freak out, there just wasn't time to see her this morning.

That's her excuse anyway.

If she's being honest, avoidance tactics may have been at work. She feels like absolute shit for keeping the internship from the redhead but she doesn't know how to broach the subject. Under normal circumstances, she knows she would be excited to tell Chloe. But there's a lot at stake for the Bellas right now and she doesn't want to add anything else to the older woman's plate. She wants Chloe to know that she's there and she's present and she's going to fight for them because letting Chloe down would be the worst feeling in the world.

Jesse's small talk forces her to dismiss the thought. They talk about classes and auditions and their last hood night party the Trebles are hosting later tonight and before she knows it, they’re pulling up to the Residual Heat Recording Studio.  

Her nerves bubble up again.

She's excited and hopeful but she still has the weight of guilt lingering in the back of her mind. Jesse reassures her that everything will be okay. He reminds her that she's worked hard for this opportunity and she deserves this shot.

She gives him a quick kiss before running away while he continues to holler out more embarrassing comments. He's definitely a nerd but he knows her well. His goofy antics have calmed her down considerably and she takes a moment to appreciate his charm before charging ahead.

-----

The afternoon is a blur.

She fucks up her name tag picture, makes a shit ton of coffee and hands out a lot of snacks. She's nobody important here but that's not the point. There's a lot to be learned. A lot to be gained. This is her shot. It's her first step into the world of music production and she's looking forward to paying her dues.

In a bizarre series of events, her boss unexpectedly storms into the office and announces they'll be producing a new Christmas album for Snoop Dogg. The Snoop Dogg. It's crazy but she stifles her excitement. She doesn't want to be labeled as some psycho newbie on her first day but relaxing isn't easy. Between draining her brain for a quick idea on how to make Snoop's new album original and the exchanges happening between this Dax kid and her boss, she’s struggling to control her reactions. Her facial expressions always give her away and the one she's wearing right now screams absolute confusion because Dax is now high-kneeing around the room and this is all really fucking weird.

Thankfully, her phone buzzes and it gives her a reason to look away from the train wreck happening in front of her. She has four messages, none of which she noticed earlier. They’re from Jesse, Amy, and Chloe respectively.

She opens Jesse's message first. It's some idiotic, cheesy 'hope everything is going well’ message and she replies by calling him a dork. It seems like her go-to word when referring to him.

She hesitates before opening Amy's messages because she never knows what the blonde is going to say. It's almost always inappropriate and usually impossible to understand, but she opens it anyway.

Shorty! Where is our toothbrush?!

Yep.

What the fuck does Amy mean by our toothbrush? Beca refuses to believe the obvious. That Amy is implying (more like directly stating) that they use the same toothbrush. That just cannot be right. And even if it is, why would it be missing?

She makes a mental note to buy a new one immediately.

Maybe two.

The second message is almost just as cringeworthy.

Your acawife was asking where you were! You're gonna be in the dingo house tonight!

The urge to roll her eyes is too strong to avoid so she rolls them around before deciding she will not be messaging Amy back. She clicks Chloe's message instead. It's the most recent one.

Trip to Copenhagen is all booked! AHH! :-P

Beca chuckles to herself. She can hear Chloe's voice singing the message in her head. It's cute but it also makes her feel bad because they haven't even discussed the issue of Worlds and Beca promised she would be there for Chloe.  Yet, here she is. At an internship that she still hasn't told Chloe about while the redhead sits at home and plans alone all afternoon. She knows she's going to have to address all of this at some point but how? This isn't really her area of expertise.

Another message comes through.

It's Chloe again.

You okay? Haven't heard from you today! :-(

Ouch.

Beca wonders why she acts like such a dick sometimes. There doesn’t seem to be any logical excuse. Especially when it comes to Chloe. She's the last person on Earth Beca wants to disappoint but it seems like it's destined to happen.

She takes a deep breath and types out a reply.

Sorry Chlo! Busy day. I'll see you at the Trebles’ later!

It's vague and lame but she can't tell the truth and she doesn’t want to outright lie to Chloe so she hits send and shoves her phone back into her pocket as her boss storms back into the room. She straightens in her seat and tries to blend in for the rest of the day.

-----

Beca exits the studio, overwhelmed and stressed, and throws her bag into the back seat of a cab before jumping in and giving the driver directions to the Bellas’ house.

She leans back and takes a deep breath that vibrates her through her lips on the way out. She knew this business would be cut-throat but wow . Today proved how messed up the music industry really is. The people are self-serving and the pace is incredibly fast and it feels like the multi-tasking skills needed to get through each minute are nearly impossible to master.

She’ll get through it though. She has to. This is her shot to get out there and start making a name for herself. This is her dream.

Plus, she’s glad to have the first day out of the way. It can only get easier from here.

Hopefully.

Possibly.

Who knows.

She shakes it off and pulls her phone out of her pocket. She hasn’t had a chance to check it since she messaged Chloe back earlier. Sure enough, there are a few new messages from her best friend. Chloe has no qualms about sending Beca multiple texts in a row. Even when Beca doesn’t answer right away, Chloe will continue babbling without worrying about whether or not she's being annoying.

If it were anyone else, Beca would probably send a string of expletives and permanently block their number. But, like everything else, Chloe is the exception. She smiles and opens their text thread.

Okay! Can't wait! XO

I hope they have the green punch!

Please bust out the cell phone dance move! I love it!!! ;-)

So, a Legacy showed up to our door tonight to audition and we accepted! She's totes amazing and you're going to love her!

I don't think we are breaking the rules bc she came to us! Loophole! :-D

BTW, Legacy means that her mom was a Bella. Her mom is THE Katherine Junk! Omg!

Beca chuckles at the enthusiasm in the messages and pictures Chloe grinning excitedly as she wrote them. A wave of anticipation hits her and she’s overwhelmed with the sudden need to get home as quickly as possible. She tells herself that she’s just anxious to get home after a long day but she knows that's a lie. Before reading those texts, she was tired. Even considered not showing up to the party but there’s a new energy flowing through her and she wills the cab driver to hurry the fuck up already.

When she finally makes it home, she throws her bag down, uses the bathroom, and races through the bushes to the Trebles’ house.

-----

Beca approaches the party, surprised at how out of control things seem already. It's still pretty early but the acapella crowd clearly came to party tonight. She wonders what type of trouble the Bellas are getting into and smiles thinking about all of their past Hood Nights. They've had some wild ones and she's sure this last one will be no different. Especially if Chloe has anything to do with it.

Chloe has a way of making Hood Nights, and most parties in general, more fun than they probably should be. Some of them, in particular, stand out for reasons that Beca isn’t prepared to think about right now. Mainly because they involve Chloe getting way too handsy.

But she already said she’s not thinking about that and scans the crowd for red hair instead.

Oddly enough, she can’t quickly spot her best friend but she spies Jesse sitting up on the deck. And because the night has her feeling light and giddy, she creeps up behind him and grabs him by the shoulders before giving him a quick peck on the lips.

His drink almost slips out of his hands and Beca mutters a quick “oh shit” before dropping down next to him. She takes a deep breath, ready to de-stress after such a crazy day, but Jesse starts asking about the internship and about Chloe and damnit.

“Oh, she’s just..she’s like, locked into the World’s right now and I’m looking for the right time. It’s-- I’ll tell her.” Beca tries to shrug it off like it’s no big deal but it dampens her mood and she excuses herself to grab a drink at the tiki hut. Why did Jesse have to bring up Chloe and the internship in the same sentence? Beca already feels like the absolute worst person in the world and the thought of Chloe having to ask Jesse for her whereabouts just makes it even worse.

This sucks.

Beca takes a huge gulp of whatever concoction is being served tonight and notes that it’s not the green punch that Chloe was hoping for but she can't dwell on it because she notices there’s a really tall girl just standing there staring at her. The girl's arms are stretched out towards Beca and she has no idea what’s about to happen.

“Hi!”

“Hi…” Beca responds hesitantly, still completely unsure.

The taller woman rambles something about being sisters and then it clicks for Beca. She realizes this is the girl- correction- the Legacy, that’s been added to their team.

“Oh yeah! Hi. Chloe texted me that we added a Legacy. I...didn't even know that was a thing.” She lifts her shoulders and gestures with her hands as she speaks. It feels odd.

The girl giggles and keeps staring at Beca so Beca just chuckles uncomfortably and takes another sip.

Then another.

And they're both just sort of standing there awkwardly.

Beca gives a tense smile and widens her eyes, which finally seems to break the other girl’s manic look.

She slaps her hands to her forehead way too hard. “Ouch! Oh my god. I’m sorry! I'm Emily. By the way. Sorry. I forgot that you didn’t know my name yet and I think the others have already started calling me Legacy so it’s totally okay if you want to call me that too I just figured you should know my real name because I totally-”

Beca reaches out and briefly touches Emily’s arm to stop her rambling. “Emily.” She pulls her hand away. “Nice to meet you.”

Emily beams and Beca really wants to get as far away from this interaction as possible.  

“We can get to know each other better later. Right now…” Beca uses her head to gesture across the yard where she can see a few of the Bellas bouncing up and down. “Let’s go catch up with everyone else.”

“Oh!” Emily nods rapidly and Beca thinks she looks like a battery operated bobble-head. “Yeah, definitely! Let’s go!”

Beca nods once before taking a shot and refilling her cup as Emily follows her into the crowd.

-----

“Beca!” Amy is the first person she encounters.

Of course.

She is immediately picked up and twirled around by the blonde. “Where have you been? Oh my god! Have you gotten taller? No! That’s not possible!”

“Amy!” Beca kicks her legs and starts to protest the manhandling but she sees a flash of red hair as she’s being spun around and the words die on her lips.

She starts laughing because jesus christ. It’s been a long day and it feels like she’s been waiting to see that red hair for way too long now. She presses on Amy’s shoulders and frantically wrestles herself out of the tight grip, almost toppling them both over in the process. Amy strings together a few choice expletives and she can hear Stacie muttering something inappropriate but it doesn't stop her.

She bounces right up to her best friend with a smile so wide she thinks her head might explode. “Chlo!”

Chloe’s head whips around and when her eyes land on Beca, her face actually does explode into a display of pure joy. She reaches out and grabs Beca, hooking her arm firmly around the shorter woman’s shoulders to drag her in close.

Chloe's laugh echoes in Beca’s ear and Beca can’t stop her smile from growing impossibly wider as she wraps her arms around the redhead’s waist as best as she can and squeezes back. The scent of fresh laundry and liquor invades her senses and it’s all a little overwhelming but it feels good and she can't help but sink further into it. She lets her body sway back and forth with Chloe's as she breathes her in. Exhilaration and borderline manic happiness taking over in the moment.

“Beca!” Chloe pulls back but keeps her arm firmly around Beca’s shoulder. “Where did you come from!? Where have you been!?” Chloe’s mouth is wide open and the way her eyes are bubbling with excitement reminds Beca of a shaken soda bottle. The look is scary powerful and Beca can’t find it in herself to formulate a response so she just laughs like crazy and brings her cup up from around Chloe's waist to clink it to redhead’s before taking another sip.

Chloe’s eyes stay trained on her as she downs the drink and it makes Beca feel like a shot of Red Bull has been directly injected into her veins. It travels through her entire body with lightning speed and everything inside of her buzzes to life.  She crushes the cup in her hand as she continues to drink, eventually cracking it. Remnants of the liquid leak down her arm but she keeps chugging. The atmosphere and the energy of the party has her head spinning and she just wants to let loose. Have fun.

She’s buying time too. Chloe’s presence is taking her to another level of excitement and she doesn’t know how to quite contain it at the moment. It feels like the cup is the only thing anchoring her to sanity at the moment.  

“Beca!” Chloe swats the crushed cup straight out of Beca’s hand, the last few drops splashing out when it hits the ground and Beca’s eyes widen but she doesn’t move. Her arm stays frozen in the air, invisible cup still in hand. Mouth still open.

And Chloe smiles.

It’s that mischievous, self-satisfied smile. The same one she used after their shower duet so many years ago.

Beca won't forget that look.  It makes her shiver but she smiles back, hand coming back down to squeeze Chloe around the middle again. "You're going to get into trouble tonight." Beca tuts, pretending to be put-off, "I can feel it."

Chloe nods enthusiastically, apparently thrilled by the notion, and moves both hands to Beca's shoulders. It brings the two of them face-to-face and she leans in to speak directly into Beca’s ear. "And you are already in trouble for getting here so late."

Beca’s chest tightens as Chloe pulls back to lock eyes but she keeps herself together. "Is that right?"

"Mhmm." Chloe is still nodding, all breezy happiness and cool confidence.  

"Well," Beca shrugs, doing her best to appear nonchalant, "what are you gonna do about it?"

Chloe drapes her arms further around Beca’s shoulders, big blinking eyes boring into Beca, “I’m going to dance with you."

Beca’s hands involuntarily squeeze the redhead tighter, fingers eventually pressing into Chloe hard enough that she’s afraid she might leave a mark. She panics momentarily, not wanting to hurt her best friend, but then Chloe’s laugh cuts through the party noise and the redhead is dragging her through a crowd of people back towards familiar faces that instantly start shouting when they see the duo approaching.

“Beca!”

“Chloe!”

“Bloe!”

“What’s up bitches?!”

“Where were you guys!?”

Beca dodges Amy’s swinging arms as Chloe continues to pull her into the circle of Bellas but all of her ducking and dodging distracts her right into Stacie’s waiting hands.

“DJ!” Stacie shouts, squishing Beca’s cheeks and before Beca can react, Stacie starts moving in with puckered lips. There’s nothing Beca can do because one of her hands is still wrapped up in Chloe’s and the other is no match for Stacie’s strength so she braces for the onslaught coming her way, eyes shut and lips sucked in.

But it never comes.

Instead of sloppy Stacie kisses, Beca feels herself being pulled out of the taller woman’s grasp. She sees a flash of red and green and her favorite smile and she lets herself collide with the person reining her in. Hands squish her cheeks again but this time, she doesn’t even consider trying to fight them off. Instead, she wraps her arms around Chloe and returns the smile, letting everything around her disappear because Chloe leans in and peppers her face with kisses that match the beat of the song and the thump of her heart.

It makes Beca feel giddy.

Goofy.

Like she’s already had too much to drink but she knows that can’t be.

And really, in the moment, Beca honestly doesn't care what the reason is.

What the feeling is.

All she knows is that Chloe is here and everything feels perfect so she grabs on tighter and pulls Chloe in closer. Squeezing and laughing like a crazy person.

"You're insane! You know that, right?!" She's borderline shouting to be heard over the music.

Chloe pulls back just long enough to look directly at Beca. Eyes dancing and hands squeezing Beca's shoulders tightly. She mutters a quick, "mhmm" and leans in again, bright blue eyes crossing briefly as they come nose-to-nose.

It makes Beca chuckle.

"I know." Chloe mumbles the words and kisses the tip of Beca's nose.

Beca takes a deep breath and lets the tingling feeling take over as the beat drops and she falls into step with Chloe.

[cptnsantiago]

take me home 

1/?

~ compulsive

read on ao3

Jake Peralta is a compulsive shopper.

From massage chairs to more massage chairs, if Jake sees something he wants, he gets it. This debt inducing habit lessens when he started dating Amy, but not even her rational thinking effect could stop him at times. Only two months into their relationship Jake had bought an actual lightsaber . Not the fake plastic ones for children, but the ones that look so real that even Amy geeked out a little when she saw it.

Marriage had brought this habit to almost a complete halt. With Amy’s master budgeting, Jake still had a little money to spend on whatever he wanted, but even he had just been putting it into savings for their future .

Their future involving a family, a new house for their family to grow one day. Amy couldn’t be more proud of how he had matured, still managing to keep the goofy personality that she fell in love with. She falls more in love with him every day, and she doesn’t want the feeling to ever go away.

So she thinks her heart might explode the day they figure out she’s pregnant. They had been trying for just under six months, and he had been so involved in her binders and her anxieties. He was there every step of the way, to listen to her fears and discussing the best positions for conceiving before making a very appropriate title of your sextape joke. When she realised they were out of pregnancy tests, he sprinted to the bodega and back in under ten minutes so they could know .

When the timer is up, he’s finally caught his breath but immediately loses it again when Amy is nodding her head frantically, a smile stretched on her face and fat tears falling down her cheeks. He spends some time with her crying on the bathroom floor before he’s rushing to get the pregnancy binder they had been working on together. So they spend the day reading the crap out of the binder, making doctors appointments, more research.

This is when Jake’s dangerous habit makes a comeback.

A bout of sickness had come over her in the late afternoon, leaving her exhausted beyond what she could possibly understand. Except she understood, because of the reading.

Amy last remembers resting her head on Jake’s lap, one of his hands stroking her hair while the other held his phone, still researching while a movie played in the background.

It’s dark outside when she awakes. Jake now has his laptop balanced on one leg while her head still rests on the other. Amy groans, burying her face in his stomach as she stretches her limbs out. “I don’t know if I like pregnancy.”

“It’s only been a day, Ames, give it a chance.” Jake teases, his spare hand moving back to stroke loose strands of hair out of her face. “Good morning, babe.”

“You feel this tired and nauseous for a day and see how you feel.” Amy sighs, a smile still unable to stay off her face at the feeling of his hands in her hair. “What time is it?”

“8:30?” Jake guesses, before looking at his screen and confirming it with a nod. “Yikes, I’ve been on Amazon for three hours.”

“I’ve been out for three hours ?” Amy gasps, “I haven’t napped this hard since I got the flu in college and had to ask for… an extension .”

Jake takes a moment to laugh at how upset she still was about extending a paper all those years ago. “Okay, nerd. You’ve actually been asleep for about four and a half hours.”

“Four and a half hours?” Jake flinches at her screech but quickly recovers. “Why didn’t you wake me?”

“It’s been a big day. You needed it.” Jake shrugs with a smile, “Plus I tried. You were passed out . Almost took you to the hospital but your breathing was fine.”

“I love you, weirdo.” Amy kisses him quickly before looking at the laptop screen. “Jake-”

“Now before you say anything-”

“Jake, you have 27 things in your cart!”

“It’s all important, I promise!”

Amy snatches the laptop out of his grip, scrolling quickly through the contents of the list. All baby things. Mostly onesies, but also a few books, a rattle. Amy then looks at the onesies. Novelty ones, of course.

Dad’s a muggle, mam’s a witch.

I still live with my parents.

World’s most expensive alarm clock.

I pooped today!

Yippee ki-yay mother father

Those were her favourites. Amy can’t decide if she’s furious or overwhelmed by love for the worst compulsive shopper she’s met in her life.

“I was gonna get rid of most of them, but they’re all so cute, Ames!” Jake pleads, chewing slightly on the inside of his cheek. “I mean Yippee ki-yay mother father !? That might be the best thing ever.”

“I like the Harry Potter ones.” Amy mumbles, “Although you wouldn’t be a muggle, you’d be a wonderful wizard.”

“ Please , I could kick Harry’s ass any day.” Jake scoffs.

“Okay, sure , you could kick the chosen one’s ass.” Amy rolls her eyes affectionately, messing up his hair up slightly. “Anyway, we can’t get any of this.”

“ Amy. ”

“ Jacob. ”

“Pleeeeease!”

“Jake, you’re spiralling.” Amy says sternly, “We need to have our doctors appointment first. It could be a false positive, an ectopic pregnancy-”

“Amy, you know that won’t happen.” Jake closes the laptop and puts it on the coffee table so he can take her hands.

“It could.” Amy shrugs, “Look, I’m just being cautious. And even so, we’d make a registry so other people can buy us things.”

“Ohh, you’re so smart.” Jake laughs, happy to change subjects. “Let me just get the Die Hard and Harry Potter ones?”

“I don’t want to enable this compulsive shopping habit.” Amy tells him, “We’ll end up with seven different breast pumps.”

“We’re going to end up with seven different breast pumps because of Charles, you know that.” Amy snorts lightly at this, “Ames, I promise you aren’t enabling a habit. Just those two things.”

“Okay.” Amy picks up the laptop again happily, “Just these two things.”

~

Amy was foolish. She was a fool in love with a compulsive shopper.

To be fair, it could be much worse . The big important things, he leaves for the registry. But when it comes to clothes and books, he was out of control. Especially after they find out they’re having a girl.

Amy’s growing love for her husband overpowers her annoyance at the Amazon deliveries every other week. Jake almost always has a shopping tab open on his laptop and his work computer. She knows that Charles also enables it, makes it worse even.

But Jake agrees to run every purchase by her so he doesn’t get anything completely unnecessary. So arriving home early one afternoon she’s surprised (but completely not shocked at all) to see a package she doesn’t recognise in their mailbox. It’s not Amazon.

Strange.

So she makes her way upstairs, collapsing on the couch with her hand resting on her small bump and resting for a moment before picking up the package again. Ripping the package open, a quiet gasp leaves her mouth and she feels herself immediately tear up at the soft book in her hands.

Animal Crosswords.

On the back, the small description tells her the book contained mini crosswords to help toddlers learn their animals while having fun . At the bottom they advertise other books such as Colourful Crosswords and Shape Crosswords .

It was perfect. Amy didn’t bother to stop the tears as she flipped through the book.

One across, an animal that goes ‘oink’ . Four down, an animal that goes ‘baa’ .

Amy loves Jake, so much . Jake loves their kid, so much . She can barely comprehend every emotion she’s feeling, and it’s not long before she’s sobbing.

This was easily Jake’s best purchase. Everything he bought was less compulsive and more thoughtful. The massage chairs back when they weren’t together were still compulsive, but it had transformed. It transformed into thoughtful, wonderful, adorable purchases. Amy was so lucky, and so was their baby.

Amy calms down to soft hiccups by the time Jake walks through their front door a half hour later. His panic has him immediately on his knees next to her, wiping the dried tears off her cheeks and frantically asking if she was okay. This starts a fresh wave of tears, but she’s almost smiling and giggling which changes his concern to confusion.

Being the detective he is, he soon spots the book in her hands and groans, “Damn it, I was gonna surprise you with that. I know I didn’t approve it w-”

Amy interrupts him with a kiss, his cheeks and mouth soon soaked with the tears that just don’t stop coming . “I hate hormones.”

“They’re definitely weird.” Jake chuckles nervously, “Do you like it?”

“I love it.” Amy laughs, wiping her cheeks again. “Where did you find this?”

“Etsy .” Jake tells her, “Homemade crafts and shit, Rosa told me about it. I suspect she sells jewellery on there.”

“Oh definitely .” Amy agrees, “I’ve been looking for it for a year.”

“Anyway, I just got one for now because I wanted to know what you thought about it.” Jake’s hand moves to her stomach as he speaks. “I know it’s not very useful for her for a little while but she’s half you so she’s destined to be a bit nerdy like her mom.”

“I love it, Jake. It’s so thoughtful, that’s why I’m so emotional.” Amy runs her fingers through his hair, smiling again when he presses a kiss to the top of her stomach.

“Also hormones.” Jake teases, another kiss to the side of her belly where they could both feel her kicking. “I’m glad though, because I contacted the account about making a spanish version for her.”

Amy whimpers as she tries to stop more tears from falling. “Really?”  “Of course, it’s a great way to teach her I thought. And Rachel, the creator, agreed.”

“How l did I get such a perfect husband?” Amy drags him to eye level so she can kiss him softly. “And the perfect dad already, she’s not even born.”

Jake shrugs, poking her nose and her bump. “Being the perfect husband is easy. Because you deserve the world. Both of you. My girls.”

[readbythestarlight]

c2e24 reactions

Sam’s rejected ads

“All over my Emmet Smith commemorative snuggle!”

“IT’S A TROY AIKMEN SNUGGIE!!!”

SAM THAT SONG ROUGH DRAFT WASN’T FUNNY omg

I like how Sam’s ads are clearly 90% to make his friends die of laughter and 10% to actually promote D&D Beyond

Not immediately knowing that Jester was drawing a dick with her sparkler smh

Fjord seems really not sure about this town and I love it

Marisha/Beau meanwhile is really into it

I like how Fjord, the shiftiest fuck in the group, is concerned about other people being shifty fucks

I MISS YOU ASHLEY SOMEONE BUY YASHA A FLOWER NECKLACE

Beau just bought so many explosives

BEAU BUY FLOWERS FOR YASHA

the flower vendor’s voice I’m crying omg

omg they’re gonna explode the firecrackers with firebolts in the street these nerds

They are all so giggly tonight I love them

Oooo here we go Jester on the piano

“I’m going to sit down and try to play Chopsticks” I knew it xD

“blamblamblamblamblAMBLAMBLAMBLAM”

Beau and Molly with their charisma flops

“I like you, you’re colorful.” Molly flirting with the innkeeper is giving me life

Oh god drinking contest later

Fjord is regretting sharing rooms with Molly now lol

They are being SO GOOFY tonight I’m living

Aww they ended up with a sad babby outcast gnome

Molly stepping in like a total dad

MOLLY HAS THE WORST CHARISMA AND INTIMIDATION

oh fuck this gnome punk flicked him off

omg Molly blood maledict?? ….actually since it won’t hurt him he probably deserved it.

GUYS OMG

So is tiny gnome chick’s name Reesa?

Beau continues to prove that she is the ultimate disaster lesbian

Nott and Jester choreographing a dance oh boy

TEAM DRINKING COMPETITION OMG

DONT. FUCKING. LEAVE. KIRI.

sure Nott let’s pay a working woman to babysit your baby bird

YA’LL. DON’T.

Oh right just have Yasha babysit Kiri that’s using your noggin there Molly

The innkeeper flirting with both Molly and Fjord

IM

CRYING

Fjord is so awkward

“She’s small, I can hold her down” Matt that was perfect and the most in-character way you could have played Yasha

Please stay safe Kiri my baby bird daughter child light of my life

OH DAMN JESTER

Jester being jealous trying to be catty with the innkeeper

B: “Did you just put a hooker on layaway?”

F: “Did you just say I’d had sex with your mom??”

J: “Yeah as soon as I said it I realized it sounded really creepy.”

Insight checking to find out if Fjord is a virgin omg

Caleb back to looking for bookstores that’s my boy

Molly please tell me you’re getting flowers for Yasha

Ah frick Nott you should be more careful please

Aw Nott don’t be sad :(((((

I’m glad Beau is trying to reassure her about not feeling bad about herself

Ooooo some Beau backstory

lol Beau was a bootlegger juvenile delinquent I love her even more

Holy shit her dad paid the monks to abduct her no wonder she has issues with authority

Jester is basically offering Fjord free sex at this point she wants him real bad

Meanwhile Travis is dying

Yoooo my boy found his bookstore

They’re closed, of course. But he can go back in the morning.

SOMEBODY BUY YASHA A PRETTY SILK FLOWER THING DAMMIT PLEASE

Matt’s little girl voices are the fucking cutest things help me

Jester setting up a playdate for Kiri I’m not crying you are

Tara is the cutest baby gnome child ever

Save a flower for Yasha please I’m literally begging

Caleb encouraging Nott to dance my heart

The Wand of Smiles thing kills me every time they use it

Matt is having WAY too much fun playing this innkeeper dwarf

30 gold just to get blackout drunk my god

Caleb needs to blackout he’s probably a lightweight

Oh damn wait Jester should probably

If anyone wins this for them it will be Nott she’s practically always drunk already

Aw poor Jester

Matt stop with all these adorable bird and gnome children I want to adopt them all

NOTT’S GONNA USE THE DAILY LUCK smart girl

SCOREBOARD TIME Molly’s round: Molly: loses, wins, wins, wins Duncan: wins, loses, loses, loses MOLLY WINS and he’s drunk as fuck Beau’s round: Beau: TIE, wins, loses, wins, loses, loses Ruth: TIE, loses, wins, loses, wins, wins Beau loses… and pukes. Ew. Caleb’s round (oh boy…): Caleb: WINS, loses, loses, wins!, WINS!!! Valkin: loses, wins, wins, loses, loses (Nott and Jester distraction dance) CALEB WINS WITH A NAT20 HEEEELLL YEAH THAT’S MY SON THAT’S MY BOY Fjord’s round: Fjord: wins, loses, WINS!, WINS! Tanya: loses, wins, loses (loooool fjord flirting with his competitor) (Jester plz stop you’re gonna make Caleb puke) FJORD WINS WITH DOUBLE NAT20s OMG!! oh no don’t do it double or nothing please oh god they’re gonna do it here we go Nott’s round (please kick his ass Nott plz): Nott “Otto The Bottomless Pit”: wins, wins!, loses, WINS!!!!!!!!!! Blemy “The Whale”:  loses, loses, wins, loses (making herself look gross lol. And using mage hand to pour. Jester trying to bless him.) NOTT WINS HEEEELLLL YEAH

I really thought they were all gonna lose omg

oh no

oh thank god he passed out before he could out her as a goblin

WOOOO FREE DRINKS

Please go to bed everyone

“The mighty nein, the mighty nein, the mightiest nein to ever neeeiiiinnn”

There’s a lot of love between this group right now. They just need to be wasted to show how much they like each other lol

Awww Jester and Caleb waltzing that’s cute

Molly and Nott join in and suddenly its a dance party

OH SHIT CALEB SAID SHIT HE SHOULDN’T HAVE SAID I’m crying he was into Astrid and now he’s sad

And Jester gets him into bed I CRY

I didn’t need Caleb feelings WHY

Wait what is Molly doing?

Ah blood magic stuff

I’m beginning to expect that Taliesin is drunk irl

MOLLY OMG THAT’S DISGUSTING

Matt’s just like “no, no, we’re not doing that no” he’s a total dad

BEAU GOT PICKPOCKETED

she lost 300 gold wtf

who was close to her I can’t even think of who it might have been

THEY HAVE ALL BEEN PICKPOCKETED

OH MY GOD

NOTT, MOLLY, FJORD, CALEB, AND BEAU HAVE ALL BEEN ROBBED

that’s bad

The only inconspicuous figure I can think of is the little girl but I mean…

Are they gonna accuse the little gnome girl omg you guys I wasn’t serious

Whatever happened to Reesa/Risa?

Oh there she is

JESTER DO NOT

Hnnn they gotta learn not to cast the spells so casually on people it’s gonna come back to bite them in the ass

Awww buying Kiri a cute little music box

Repeating crossbow aw damn Nott’s gonna want it real badly

ENCHANTED repeating crossbow

“The Tinkertop Bolt Blaster 1000”

two thousand gold i choked

REESA BE NICE TO YOUR ADORABLE DAD

Reesa and her dad are adorable I like them

Casting suggest sure let’s just cast more spells on random people smh

You made Fitz cry you guys and you’re probably gonna get them fires it’s not their fault you were dumb enough to get robbed this is a dick move I’m with Jester y’all are taking it too far

Okay good at least now they won’t get fired

OH OH OH THEY GOT A BLIP CHASE IT

god please protect kiri she only has 6hp guys please

IT WAS THE KID OMG

Molly’s about to give him all his gold look at his face

Or Beau will give them gold and Molly will give them advice on how to steal and not get caught stealing xD

…Fjord are you seriously planning a jailbreak right now

Do you even know anything about the prison

Nott is like “the solution is obvious we just adopt them like we adopted Kiri it’ll be great it’ll be fine”

…Fjord that’s soft and sweet I hate you because I can’t decided whether I love you or not

Nott playing on Beau’s backstory to try and prompt her to help find the kid’s parents

“leaving them as cold heartless resting bitches” xD

FJORD KEEPS BEING NICE AND IM. JUST. I WANNA JUST KEEP PICTURING YOU AS A SHIFTY FUCK STOP BEING SO NICE

Also yeah listen Fjord grew up in an orphanage

aw Fjord…

Caleb’s a little salty about this but Caleb come on they’re kids

I can’t believe they’re gonna try to pull off a jailbreak

Leave Kiri with these kids yes and now Matt I beg you do NOT, do NOT let her get dragged away please I beg you

Matt’s ability to perfectly mimic Fjord/Travis is amazing

MAN THIS WAS POSSIBLY THE BEST EPISODE? I loved it. I was laughing so hard for all the first half. Fantastic job @the cast

[legendofgrump]

OC Breakdown: Your Guide to Which Fucked Up Dorks to Love and Which Ones to Hate

This is gonna be a looooong post but if you’re interested in my OCs then buckle up because I think you might like it! I’m just gonna give you guys some little blurbs about who’s who, since I’ve gotten a ton of new people that seem to be interested since the last time I explained it. Under a cut because sheer length~

Firefly: Origin from an old Grump AU that turned into an OC, hence why he looks so much like Dan. He’s a harbinger of death who hosts lost souls in the form of fireflies and tries to help them move on to the afterlife by helping them accomplish whatever unfinished business they have. He’s very helpful and unselfish, but doesn’t take great care of himself. Luckily, he’s immortal so he can get away with it more than others can. But that doesn’t excuse the fact that he! needs! sleep!

Marianne: A big, 6′4″ spider-creature with one eye and four arms. She’s very animal-like, like a big doggo that loves to be petted. She kiiiind of feeds off of humans usually, but she’s curbed that for other meats since she became a part of normal human society. Now the biggest danger to you is the possibility that she might eat your entire garden. She’s very strong and fast, but also was kicked out of her homeland because of some heavy manipulation by someone she considered a friend. Now she kind of has trust issues with both others and herself.

Melanie “Snail” Rose: Literally never call them Melanie. It’s their birthname but they would immediately tense up if you called them that. Mostly because they left the name behind because 1) Too Girly and 2) it’s the name they went by when they were in a shitty abusive relationship with their last boyfriend. But then they chopped all their hair off, changed their name, and moved far away so that they could get away from that guy, so they’re much happier now. Plus, I mean, they’re a Sick freelance artist now which is their dream. Also a memelord with a massive sex drive.

Andy the Android: Originally named “Flirtbot3000″ and created by some shut-in nerds that think of women as objects, they were designed to literally be like a human sex doll. But I mean, they’re a robot, so they’re not actually human. You get the idea. But somewhere along the line, that went haywire, Andy had a massive glitch and lapse of memory, fell in love with a backwater bumfuck farmboy named Daniyal and essentially turned into a happy housewife. They love cooking and clothes and just making things Pretty, but are also lowkey the Mom Friend. Like they get Baby Fever really easily and love love love children.

Beauregard “Bo” Gray: One half of the Partners In Crime, Bo came from an affluent household and became a rebellious college kid just looking for a thrill. He got super into alcohol and partying way before he really should have and got tied up with this small chick named Esky. He gets into robbery and gunmanship just for the thrill of it and also because he totally falls in love way too easily. A dumb alcoholic that just loves love, basically. He tries his best, but sometimes he’s too posh for his own good.

Esky Clarke: The other half of the Partners In Crime. She lived a rough life until she decided to take matters into her own hands. She lives off of whatever she steals and travels the world trying not to get caught by police. She’s a self-taught gunner and pretty ruthless because she believes it’s either fight for what you need, or get nothing. But she still knows how to have a good time and loves to fuck around with people by hustling them in gambling or something.

Venus Milo Cordette: Venus is an alien from outerspace that came to Earth for an adventure and ended up becoming an international pop star. She tries her best to keep the fact that she’s an alien under wraps by hiding her third eye under her bangs and pretending that her unnatural skin tone is extreme dedication and body paint. But she’s also very unknowledgeable about the world around her, so she often fucks up things that any human would know (i.e. where she’s from). She’s kinda goofy, but super sweet and lovable, and very much cares about the people that are nice to her. She’s super curious and loves to learn new things about the Earth, but sometimes she has trouble retaining it.

Bailey Ames: A nonbinary buttkicker. Bailey is here to kick ass if you fuck with anyone they care about. Or if you’re just a general dick. Not afraid to punch an asshole for catcalling them. Loves their two girlfriends to death and has been with them both since high school. They’re a hair stylist at the local salon, but they also absolutely adore painting, especially landscapes and abstract pieces. They’re the type of person that will say hi to you if you look lonely at the bus stop and to start conversations by asking for your pronouns.

Megan Blackwell: She looks like your typical valley girl, and sounds like one, too, but she’s too busy getting her PhD in Quantum Physics to give a shit what you think about it. She’s overworked and can only afford college because of the tons of scholarships and the work study she takes on, but she’s not the type to give up even if it seems impossible. She’d much sooner chug 8 energy drinks and stay up until 6am finishing that paper than admit defeat. She’s typically very cold to warm up to people, but she’s very loving once she does and a very affectionate person who likes to be touchy. Also one of Bailey’s girlfriends.

Nikki Osborne: Bailey and Megan’s girlfriend that completes the trifecta of Polybabes. She dropped out of high school to become a rockstar because she believed in her little garage band of her friends. (The band is called Death Kittens, by the way.) The fact that she feels like she’s let a lot of people down by dropping out only pushes her forward in trying even harder and making things succeed. She’s the bassist, and by day she works a shitty minimum wage job to make sure she’s not mooching off her girlfriends. She’s a generally chill and relaxed person unless she’s majorly stressed out, but she’ll usually lock herself away if that happens.

Leanna “Cookie” Lewis: A cute, sheepy, trans boy that lived with just his mom growing up. He learned everything he knows from her, which is great, because he loves his mom more than anything. His favorite pass time is baking, especially pastries, and he’s a real whiz in the kitchen, but he’s also pretty talented at playing the ukulele. He’s very shy and anxious and prefers to stay out of confrontation, which is why he usually flocks toward more confrontational extroverts to keep him safe (though he doesn’t do it on purpose). He works as a little barista at a coffee shop, which wouldn’t be so bad if his coworkers weren’t actual assholes.

Blythe Abilene: Blythe is the Goddess of Illusions and lovingly refers to herself as “Aphrodite, but with the body of Adonis” since she’s trans. She’s pretty confident in herself, mostly because she’s literally a God among mortals, and sometimes it gets a little out of hand. For the most part though, she’s just a professional prankster, who loves to torture mortals with what she calls “Fun Houses,” where she essentially turns their home into a cacophony of small inconveniences. Anything from “can’t open your underwear drawer” to “coffee pot full of butterflies” to “all furniture moved one inch to the left” is fair game, but nothing too threatening.

Cleona Arkan: She’s an avid inventor, aiming to invent AI technology that’s better than ever. But she doesn’t always go through....legal means. Which just makes her a little bit paranoid about getting caught because she knows she’ll be detained and, more important, her inventions taken from her and used for who-knows-what. She’s very talented with computers and robotics alike, even going so far as to invent Glitch who, though not a success, is still pretty successful at other things. She’ll also help patch up Andy from time to time, if they need a little tune-up.

Maxim: A demon meant to take advantage and feed off of mortal anxieties. He lives on the other side of your mirror and takes advantage of that. He’s the most irredeemable asshole to ever exist and he takes pride in that. He’s so narcissistic that you couldn’t possibly hurt his feelings with words or remarks about his personality because he thinks he’s amazing. Though he is susceptible to well placed punches. He’s not above using anything against you, whether it be slurs or just subtle jabs at whatever you’re most sensitive about. Just the worst.

Gigi Moore: Based on old 50′s Disney cartoon style. She’s meant to be from the past, where things were much Different than they are now. She’s a bit of an antithesis to Maxim, as she’s also susceptible to saying things that aren’t Acceptable, but she tries to learn from them when she’s corrected. She used to be a 50s housewife to her husband before she ended up where she is now, but comes to find out she’s actually a very repressed lesbian. At first she has a hard time coming to terms with it, but being around positive influences helps her to learn and better herself and actually accept herself for who she is.

The Glitch: Cleona’s invention. She’s got an old CRT monitor for a head and four arms, but, as exemplified by her name, she doesn’t exactly do what she’s supposed to. She was designed to be a cleaning robot, made perfectly for cleaning up anything and everything. Except....she’s not waterproof and, the first time Cleona tried to get her to do some dishes, she got water in her circuits and it made her flip out. She’s constantly having an identity crisis and just wants to be useful, but honestly she’s not sure how to do it since she can’t do what she was made for.

Rory of Rine: Rory was born in some kind of Legend of Zelda, High Fantasy bullshit land in a village full of normal people. Except that he’s a special person who was born with the unfortunate ability to see how someone will die the first time they touch him. For the longest time it plagued him, but eventually he fessed up and told his grandmother about it. The two of them tried to get him help, but it only served to make his village angry and fearful, gouging out his eyes and then chasing him out of the village. So for many years he lived on his own, raising cows peacefully and coming to terms with himself. And now he’s slowly learning to not repress things as he dates Daniyal (along with Andy, it’s a poly thing).

Ellie Ross: She’s an empath with a strong need for attention and affection. She only feels worth for herself if someone else is validating her, so she constantly craves other people’s love, which is how she falls into Maxim’s hold for the longest time. She does a lot of questionable things that aren’t necessarily good, but all she’s looking for is to feel good about herself. She’s also got the ability to briefly manipulate people’s emotions, which helps in making people like her, but it only holds for so long unless she actively holds them herself.

Diana “Wolf” Lowell: A trans boy werewolf with a tragic past. He’s on a path of vengeance to find the person who killed his beloved Fang. Maxim promises him the chance to get that person if Wolf helps him out some, so of course he agrees. He’s driven by anger and angst, but ultimately just wants closure and to feel Okay again. He’s overly aggressive and, well honestly, more of a lycan than a werewolf, since he can transform at will. But I call him a werewolf so.

Ant: Ant is but ten years old and fell into Maxim’s grasp because they didn’t have anything else and he was all they really knew. They weren’t raised in the best of conditions (and honestly they weren’t “raised” at all), so they’re constantly caked in dirt and grime and blood. Which, honestly, they’ve grown used to and now it’s just familiar to them. Their use for Maxim comes from their ability to communicate and summon ants--hence the name--the best part being that those ants can then form a larger, rideable ant, which Ant has named Leafcutter, very creatively. They’re a bit wild, but just generally an actual Child, where they like to have fun and feel loved and useful.

Lyar (of Quadrant 85439): The son of a diplomat that absolutely hates politics. More specifically, an alien boy that is meant to take over the job after his father passes it down to him. He’s been groomed all his life to take over the position and become the next voice for his people, but he absolutely hates it. Not to mention, he’d be horrible for the job considering he’s a compulsive liar with no desire to be kind to anyone who has nothing to offer him. He’s more interested in fashion and, essentially comes to Earth to get away from his family. He doesn’t have a mouth, so his main mode of communication is ASL, which he learned as part of his training to communicate with other planets. (He knows roughly 8,000 different languages, though not all of them Well.)

Arthur “Artie” Jackson: A simple boy with a simple dream to become a world famous hockey player. Except it took him the longest time to realize he was gay and now he’s Really Nervous About It. His best friend Jade, who used to be his girlfriend, is the only other person who really knows about it and he’d never dare to tell his team for fear of the repercussions. But he’s very dedicated to his sport and keeps dragging out his college years because he keeps getting offered scholarships if he stays “just one more year.” Also he drives a motorcycle which is super cool.

Adara of Derva: Adara is a faun who was raised in a simple village to a simple family. Except that a great evil was foretold for their village and their older sister, Jaya, would be the one to save it. Except Jaya was selfish and went off on an adventure before she could get the power necessary to do the saving, so Adara was saddled with her destiny instead. They were gifted magical fire powers from a local witch and trained to use them, but when the time came to defeat the beast, they couldn’t bring themselves to do it in time and their whole village was destroyed. They spent the rest of their life looking for a new place to settle down and trying to move past their own mistakes.

King Balthazar Leviarn III: He’s a young king, but a king nonetheless. His father died far too soon in a war for the kingdom and Balthazar took the throne, though his mother still assists him in governing. His mother is much more cold and dedicated to keeping things running smoothly and effectively, rather than doing what’s morally right, whereas Balthazar is a more caring and nurturing kind of guy. He likes to protect his people and wouldn’t hesitate to take the front lines in a war he believed in, just like his father had before him.

Dahlia Harrison: Dahlia is the lead guitarist in Nikki’s band Death Kittens. She’s the oldest of the four members, though only by a year and a half. While the other three are much more outward with their emotions, Dahlia is a more quiet and thoughtful type. That being said, if you make her mad, she has a cold fury that will literally ruin you from the inside out. The only person she’s overtly open and emotional with is her girlfriend Toshiko.

Toshiko Koizumi: Lead singer of Death Kittens and probably the least assuming one of the group. She’s very much into cutesy and sweet things more than typically punk things. And she definitely dresses as such, too. But the band happily accepts her and knows that she can lay down some sick bars about angsty emotions. She was born in Japan, but moved to America with her dad after her parents got divorced. She still has a great relationship with her mom, but they don’t get to see each other as often since she’s still in Japan. But she’s also a very extroverted and friendly girl that loves to chat to people about whatever they’re interested in, and she loves her girlfriend Dahlia to death.

Cynthia “Cynth” Woods: The very small, but very high energy drummer of Death Kittens. She’s the one that came up with the name and is constantly coming up with new ideas about the band in general. She’s probably the most actively dedicated (though none of the others are apathetic toward the band at all). She’s fiery and a bit prideful, but definitely deserves to be with how talented she is at her craft. She’s even perfected drumming with four drumsticks at once, as ridiculous as it sounds. Still, Cynth is a good and loyal friend that will stomp your organs in if you fuck with her or someone she cares about.

Lorna: Lorna is similar to Maxim in terms of origin. She also comes from the land behind your mirror, but she’s a personification of depression instead of anxiety. She’s much less aggressive, but also very compelling when it comes to convincing you that everything would be better if you just slept it all away (or worse). She’s extremely unmotivated to do things unless they adhere to some stupid impulse that may or may not be harmful to herself. But she’s a generally kind person who really just needs some love in her life. Unfortunately, the kind of love she doesn’t need is the massive crush Maxim has on her.

Ethan Parks: Ethan is one of Snail’s friends from art school. He was a graphic design major that lived for making things look clean and Super Cool. He was a little bit of a lazy ass when it came to college, waiting until the last minute on every project, but had that magical talent of making something amazing the night before every time. He’s a little bit goofy, but a good-hearted boy nonetheless, and loves to party and hang out with friends until late into the night.

Jack Hughes: Another one of Snail’s art friends. Jack was more interested in videography, cinematography, and performance art. He’s pretty shy and quiet off-camera, but once he’s got something to perform, he seems like a total extrovert. He’s not afraid to get the public involved in his pieces as well, even if it’s something really weird, but when he shows it off for critique or just because someone asked to see his work, he gets extremely shy and stutters a lot trying to explain it. He’ll definitely geek out about anything film related, especially when it comes to improv and camera work.

Kitty Dupree: Kitty is the resident studio major of the friend group. She loves painting and has always wanted to have her work in a gallery. She usually works with canvas and paint, but she’s definitely not shy about experimenting with different mediums. Her canvases tend to be HUGE and her materials can range from normal paint to literal blood, so all of her paintings are generally exciting to look at. Though she’s a big fan of abstract pieces, so don’t expect to find immediate meaning in them. She’s generally bubbly and affectionate, and lives life with the mindset of “friends until you’re a dick” right from the moment she meets you.

Jonah King: They were Snail’s roommate in college, and a totally great friend for them when they were going through a rough time. Jonah is a little softspoken, but otherwise outgoing and friendly! They’re an extremely talented sketch artist that fills sketchbook after sketchbook with gestures and people-watching studies. They’re almost always doodling, but also very attentive and good at listening. Jonah is just an all around great friend to have, honestly.

[crystalelemental]

Atelier Totori Plus Opinions

Those who paid attention to my rankings are already aware that, at the end of the day, this is my least-favorite Atelier game in the series.  Which is something that really bothers me, because there are a lot of great elements to this game. The game has a strong alchemy and combat system, and introduces a serious storyline that spans the whole game (sort of).  Totori herself also winds up being my favorite of the Arland alchemists, and characters as a whole are fairly strong, barring a few exceptions.  There are just a lot of things that, I feel, hold it back. The game is still fantastic, and even the lowest-ranked Atelier game is more enjoyable to me than most other games out there, but, well, someone had to be at the bottom of a list.  And unfortunately, that's Totori.

CHARACTERS As a whole, characters are fairly solid, with a few that stand out as among my least-favorites in the entire series.  Those who are good are fantastic, and those who are bad are intolerable.  Thankfully, the good outweighs the bad.

Totori - Totori is adorable.  She's the most serious of the Arland alchemists, and shows a level of competence that we didn't get too often with Rorona, who was portrayed in a more joking fashion despite her talents.  Yes, a lot of characters talk down to her about her abilities, but I think what she accomplishes ultimately shines past Gino being an insufferable little shit all the time.  Totori is incredibly precious and enjoyable, and is a great mix of serious and studious with goofy and somewhat awkward.  I love her to pieces.

Gino - We begin with the bad. Gino is insufferable.  He's just obnoxious.  He is hyper to a fault, and is direct to a very dire fault.  Instead of a fairly endearing portrayal, they went for the option where he has zero social skills, is constantly a rude little shit, and does nothing of value but be a putz and whine about when Totori starts out-performing him.  His entire character story is him being a butthurt baby over Totori being stronger than him now.  Gino is awful.

Melvia - but he was not the worst.  Melvia gets that spot.  She would be generally fine.  She's portrayed as the strongest of the group, and is very direct in her interactions with others.  However, she loses massive points for the same reason that, say, Nozomi from Love Live loses points: the groping other people gag.  I think it only happens with Rorona when you have them explore together, but trust me, once is enough.  In fact, most of her initial interactions with characters when you go exploring are unpleasant.  Melvia is basically just a sexual deviant, and quite frankly, that's an automatic failure in my book.

Mimi - The best girl of this game.  Mimi is basically Cordelia 2.0, but with a bit more of a history.  Mimi's mother died of illness, and she's very focused on making her family name famous.  She's abrasive toward Totori, while at the same time being very clearly attached to her.  It's really cute, to the point it’s honestly one of the few ships I have attachment to at all.  Mimi tries her best, but has the same issues as Cordelia of being unable to honestly express her feelings toward others.  Unless that feeling is anger.  Then she's fine.  Like I said with Cordelia, struggling with their own emotions is a character trait I adore in all its facets, so surprise that I like Mimi best.

Marc - Marc is hysterical.  He's all about robotics, and is a man of science.  Of course, that comes with not always understanding the intricacies of social etiquette (”What, you didn’t know I was joking about using a live cat’s skin to cover the cat robot?”).  He just winds up being funny and engaging, and I generally appreciate his presence.

Rorona - Rorona returns, and she's fantastic.  Seeing Rorona in a teaching role really is something else.  She's still her air-headed self.  Very competent and skilled, but cannot teach for the life of her.  But, she's trying her best, and really wants to be a good teacher. It's sweet to see her interactions with Totori, literally the only one who understands her inane directions.

Cordelia - YEAH, CORDELIA!  Cordelia returns, as head of the adventurer's guild.  She's just as forceful as always, but has calmed down a bit since Rorona. She's more in control of her anger, and seems a bit more honest with herself, which is great.  I love to see that kind of development.

Iksel - Iksel came back!  I'm sure all five of his fans are very happy.

Sterk - The final returning character, and possibly the most involved?   Arland is a republic now, and thus Sterk has lost his standing as a knight.  Sterk is less than thrilled about it, and continues to insist he is a knight and acts accordingly, while hunting down Gio to establish the old monarchy once again.  Sterk's character is one burdened by regrets and the loss of his only perceived calling in life, and this really shines with his interactions with Gino.  While Gino winds up being obnoxious because he's just sad Totori beat him, Sterk presents as someone who is understanding of his position, having lost to Rorona and felt the blow to his pride as a knight who is weaker than the one he's protecting, but also forceful in how to overcome it.  It's a good balance, I feel.

Ceci - Totori's sister can be precious, though she doesn't have a lot of presence, I feel, until you start getting into her own history as an adventurer and why she stepped down. She's good, just not super interesting to me.

Guid - Can I just remark how much his recurring gag of being invisible irks me?   Because it does.  Still, he's alright.  Like Ceci, nothing interesting about him until he starts building the ship and re-kindles that passion he once had.

Gerhard - or whatever his name was.  Bartender man.  He’s okay.

Pamela - the ghost girl returns, but alive this time?  Or something?  We’re not too sure.  She sure continues to be a great source of entertainment though.

Peter - So my housemate Pat has this really hilarious nerd voice he does for characters like Peter, and I wish I could project it through text, but instead, here’s a link to Peter’s actual english voice.  They’re almost the same tone anyway.  Peter’s a nerd loser, and thankfully the game treats him as such.

Tiffani - She’s back.  Same issue as before.  I really don’t care for the drunk Tiffani trophies...

Hagel - Hagel has been promoted to the best shopkeeper of all time for commenting that if Totori is feeling embarrassed about the clothes she wears that she should maybe put on a pair of tights.  While part of me is definitely just happy that someone suggested a more conservative look (which I always appreciate), the specific suggestion for tights is an immediate bonus.  Hagel knows what’s good.

Filly - Esty’s younger sister.  She’s an oddball.  Nothing against her at all, but she doesn’t really stand out beyond the super relatable characteristic of hating her job.

STORY Totori has a real story!  Totori's mother was an adventurer who once went exploring across the ocean, and never returned.  Totori is sure that her mother is alive out there somewhere, and is determined to become an adventurer to search for her mother.  The people in her home village of Alanya are worried, but ultimately Totori persists and becomes an adventurer and begins her search.  It's easy to get sidetracked from this, but after three years and renewing your license, the search begins in earnest as you construct a ship and start to re-trace your mother's footsteps, straight into a village designed to be sacrificed to a demon within the tower nearby.  Your goal then is to fulfill the mission your mother could not and defeat the demon within.  Your path winds up encompassing both your quest to become a proper adventurer, but also to succeed your mother.  It's honestly a really strong element to the game.  I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: you don’t need a super complex plot to be a successful one, and Totori is a good example of that. 

SETTING It's still Arland, only expanded to include Alanya as well.  Both locations do feel highly distinct, with Arland being a clear city compared to the small town of Alanya.  What really makes this world feel open is that you stop at several points along the way, and it has a much more significant feel of adventure.  When the ocean opens up, it really feels like there's a ton of extra metaphorical ground to cover, and seeing only a piece of the other continent opens up the potential for the Totori and Mimi Adventures ending, where they seek to travel beyond the areas already known.  The only drawback is that there still isn't much that's been dug into.  Arland is a republic now.  Nothing has changed.   Gio commented that it wouldn't, but it's still obnoxious to see how literally nothing about this dramatic shift in government structure had an impact on the region.  It's just those kinds of things that could be explored to some degree that would make for interesting story points that just...are never addressed.

SYNTHESIS SYSTEM Unlike Rorona Plus, Totori Plus has a very simple synthesis system, in that there's no combining of traits.  This allows for the perfect traits to show up way earlier than usual, and require little to no chaining of items to obtain what is needed.  In a way, this is kinda nice.  It simplifies the system considerably, and removes unneeded anxiety around getting just the right skills.  On the other, it takes away some of the engagement of trying to find the optimal assortment, and chaining items to achieve a goal.  The Cost system returns, but with no traits to increase cost, so it's all just a matter of having the better ingredients, which is how they get you to chain traits to other items.   It's not bad, necessarily, but it does feel much more simplified and bare-bones than the other games.

BATTLE SYSTEM Totori is like an inverse Rorona.  Equipment matters, but nowhere near as much as items.  In early-game, you are going to use items constantly, because they are hyper-vital.  In late-game, equipment and skills can account for a lot, but ultimately your items are going to determine what's best. A good N/A and Himmelstern combined with a good Dimension Egg is how you beat virtually every major boss, with everything outside of Orthogalaxen going down to this combo without even getting a turn.   When you use Rorona to double up on the fun, basically nothing in the game stands a chance.  This is an element I adore. I really feel like it's appropriate for the items you craft to be the thing that leads to victory.  It just feels right, you know?

OTHER MECHANICS Unfortunately, wholesale will not retain the best traits, which means you cannot register your ultimate bombs and buy them back infinitely.  Instead, you need the Chims!  Rorona creates her own versions of Hom called Chims, and you can get up to five if you find the Water of Lifes. Waters of Life? The Chim-Maker items. Each Chim can then duplicate ingredients or items you have in your inventory. Unlike Hom, Chims are best used to duplicate synthesized items, as they make exact copies without having to use ingredients.  As a result, you can make a few good N/A, and have Chims copy them to maintain your stock.  The only downside is that they're fairly slow.  It can take a tremendous amount of time to copy the good bombs and Elixers, which means your stock is never too high.   So resources need to be used conservatively and only as needed.  Which isn't too tough, considering how quickly you run train on the post-game superbosses with the right trait setup.

There's also the license points.  License points are used...primarily just to increase rank.  Rank increases will open up new areas and new explicit tasks to complete.  Sometimes, this involves making stronger boss enemies appear in previous locations, and other times it's opening up new large areas. It's basically how you determine where you can and cannot go, one step at a time, without opening up the entire map at once.  I really don't know how I feel about it.  It's a little...arbitrary?  But I can't complain.  I do think Meruru had the more interesting way to open up a world map, though.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS I mentioned in Rorona that the Arland trilogy is the trilogy with a few more uncomfortable fan-service moments than I would like.  None are as bad as Totori.  Comments on "sex appeal" are more frequent than I'd like (read: above 0), Melvia is the way she is in most interactions with new female characters, the swimsuit contest is a thing that happens, and oh god the Guardian hunt...  The raw number of times this game made me wish it would stop is unfortunate.

There's also a bigger issue in the events.   Like Rorona, character events occur when they reach certain friendship levels.  Unlike Rorona, Totori has two central areas, and events are exclusive to each location.  Often without any indication that they're happening, and frequently with time-specific activation periods.  So you can miss entire events just by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The conditions are also super obtuse. At one point in my playthrough, I tried setting up for the Spring Cup trick, only to realize I didn't have the recipe for the Spring Cup.  Rorona was supposed to give it to me, but hadn't.  Why?  Because I had to synthesize a specific item in the OTHER atelier, to activate a scene with Ceci, before Rorona's scenes would miraculously start occurring.   Then there's the time I completely lost access to Pamela's shop for the rest of the game because I went to one place first before going to her shop, and the scenes played out of order and locked me out of her return.  It's that level of obtuse nonsense that drove me up a wall while playing, and it's honestly this piece that causes it to rank at the bottom.  I can tolerate a lot.  But I cannot tolerate being constantly frustrated by not knowing where or when things will happen. Just a simple indication through an exclamation point over the town things are happening in would ease problems a lot.

There's also no development items, which I guess is fine, but I love those things and think it's nonsense that they didn't add them in the Plus version.  At least let me travel faster on the map, you butts!

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS Atelier Totori Plus is still a fun game, but it is, bar none, the most obtuse and frustrating of the games.  There are pieces that I enjoy tremendously, but there are also pieces that are just incredibly irritating to experience.  I still love the game, and I'm at a point where I think I've figured out the obtuse portions of the game and how to get events to activate.  But wow, it's such a frustrating learning curve at times.  Definitely worth playing, but also definitely worthy of the least-favorite spot in the series.

If you enjoyed this (for some reason), consider checking out the write-ups for the other games in the series as well!

Atelier Rorona Plus Atelier Totori Plus Atelier Meruru Plus Atelier Ayesha Plus Atelier Escha and Logy Plus Atelier Shallie Plus Atelier Sophie Atelier Firis

[itsiotrecords-blog]

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What exactly constitutes as “oversharing” on social media? We can all pretty much agree that things like posting nudes, and sharing each other’s dirty laundry counts as part of the “oversharing” category. However, even though we all may agree, we need to consider the whole group of people that confessed to crimes they committed on their social media accounts. You may not think too much about logging out of your personal profiles and online accounts, but if you are one of the following criminals, you’ve just left the door wide open and full of evidence. The people featured in this story not only prove to us that not all criminals are the smartest crayons in the box, but also that social media, while fun to be on, gives you no sort of privacy whatsoever. Even though the majority of us are well aware that anything we post on the Internet is now part of the immense web, free for all to see, some of the people in this world just haven’t got a clue. Whether you think it’s cool to siphon gas from a police car, or you’re trying to brag about how many identities you’ve stolen, you might want to think about keeping that news under wraps if you even want a shred of hope of getting away with it. One more rule, if you think you are “getting away” with whatever crime you committed, keep those thoughts to yourself until you are dead and gone. Only after you’re dead can you really say that you truly got away with it.

#1 Troy Maye & Tiwanna Thomason – Caught Over A Steak You may not think much about it as you upload a delicious snapshot of tonight’s dinner to your Instagram account along with the hashtag “food porn,” but for some, like Troy, that post was the thing that got him arrested. Back in 2013, Troy Maye and his then-girlfriend, Tiwanna Thomason were in a restaurant called YOLO in Harlem, New York. What they didn’t know as they bragged about the 700,000 stolen identities they had for sale was that they were giving information to a person who was working undercover with the IRS. Just two days later, the pair agreed to meet with the agent at Morton’s Steakhouse for the sale of 50,000 stolen identities. Although Troy had promised 50,000 stolen names, birth dates, and socials he came up short; really short. When authorities investigated the drive, they found out it only contained the identities of 46 people, along with a name, “Troy Maye.” After calling Troy out, Troy responded that he wanted insurance that he would see the money from the fraudulently filed income tax returns before handing over the rest of the identities. Together with the drive, law enforcement used the picture of steak and mac and cheese that Nathaniel “Troy” Maye had uploaded to his Instagram account to pin him to the deal at Morton’s and both him and Tiwanna were arrested.

#2 Whitney Beall – Periscoping Her DUI Driving while drunk is a horrible idea, we all know the reasons why. Driving drunk and recording yourself driving drunk is an even worse idea, and we didn’t think that could be possible but then Whitney Beall proved us wrong with her Periscope video. In the video she, obviously drunk, is appearing to handle a moving vehicle, in slurred words she says that she’s, “Driving home drunk. Entertainment please.” After a viewer tipped of Florida authorities, they were on their way to catch her. Not only did she smell of alcohol but she failed several sobriety field tests before she was taken into police custody. To top it off, she threw up in the back of the cop car on the way to the police station.

#3 Rodney Knight Jr. – Always Time For A Selfie Back in 2011, Rodney Knight Jr. broke into the house of Washington Post journalist Marc Fisher and made off with more than some money and electronics; he got a prison sentence as well. When Rodney broke in through the basement, he stole a winter coat, $400, and two laptops among a few other things. After Rodney tried on the winter jacket and found the money, he decided to take and upload a picture to Facebook from one of the stolen laptops, the one that belonged to Marc Fisher’s son. Unknowingly or not, the picture of the robber was uploaded to young Fisher’s Facebook account which was then used by authorities to hunt down and catch Knight.

#4 Markesha Wilkerson – Livestreaming At Chuck E. Cheese Markesha was just out enjoying herself one afternoon at a local Chuck E. Cheese restaurant and decided to share the moment, as many of us do, using Facebook’s “Live” feature. Unfortunately, Miss Wilkerson along with appearing to have a good time, also had more than a couple of warrants out for her arrest. Because she had to let the world know that she was at Chuck E. Cheese, she ended up having her day cut short when the local authorities showed up to arrest her.

#5 Rashia Wilson – Queen Of Tax Fraud The self-named “Queen of IRS Tax Fraud” landed herself in hot water after taking to Facebook to brag about how much of a boss she is, well, was. In her post, she goes on to say that she is a “millionaire for the record,” and that indicting her won’t be easy. She also claims that she had the Tampa Police Department under her control. They proved her wrong when they found her insane spending habits and crazed remarks enough to investigate. She, along with others performing income tax fraud, were arrested at the conclusion of the investigation dubbed “Operation Rain Maker” which was given its name because of how suspects were “making it rain” before they were caught.

#6 Charles Rodriguez – An Ill-Planned Vacation Photo Charles Rodriguez stole two cases of jewels from a man outside of Manchester, England in 2011. After he stole the $130,000 worth of gems, he fled the United Kingdom for Colombia. The British authorities may have known where he went, but since the two countries didn’t have an extraction agreement, they had to sit tight for a few years. They didn’t have to wait forever before Charles decided to take a vacation in Britain where he took photos of himself and uploaded them to his Facebook. Those photos alerted the police force that he was back in town and after he tried giving border control a false name, his fingerprints were tested and revealed his true identity and he was taken into custody.

#7 The Reddit Confessor – Just A Nerd A guy who was known to the Reddit world as “Naratto” has since been deemed a jokester even though he once took the Internet’s front page and the rest of the world by storm. One day he made a meme with the “confession bear” that read: “My sister had an abusive meth-addicted boyfriend. I killed him with his own drugs while he was unconscious and they ruled it as an overdose.” Big words, even for a confession bear. Not only did the feed get tons of comments, but one Reddit reader tipped off the authorities to the murder confession. Later, Naratto’s sister commented online that she nor her brother knows of anyone who has overdosed, that her brother was just a gamer nerd and that the whole thing was a stupid prank to get more attention online. Naratto later came forward and admitted the same.

#8 Jonathan G. Parker – Don’t Check Facebook At A Crime Scene Just like the criminal in #14, this guy also has a problem with breaking into someone’s house and posting to the social media site, Facebook. Jonathan G. Parker broke into a house and stole two diamond rings but not before he chose to take a seat and log into his personal profile. After the owner of the house noticed that someone other than herself was logged into Facebook on her laptop, she immediately took it to police. Since Jonathan didn’t have a good reason as to why he was logged into this woman’s computer, he was taken to jail. It never pays to stop mid-crime to update your social media accounts.

#9 Jesse Hippolite – Looking For Partner In Crime… On Facebook When looking for a literal partner in crime, we would think one would lean towards Craigslist for their more shady endeavors, not a place like Facebook. However, contrary to what we thought, Jesse Hippolite must have deemed it a great idea to take to the social media website and just 45 minutes before he held up a Chase Bank, he posted “I Gotta Get That $$$$$ Man!” before he apparently asked who would like to join. He also made the mistake of wearing the same logo sweatshirt he is seen wearing in other Facebook photos in other past heists he had done. All of which became more evidence against him.

#10 Hannah Sabata – Confessed In Viral Video Hannah is the teen that named herself the “Chick Bank Robber.” She’s also the girl who, after both stealing a car and robbing a bank, made a video about her best day ever and uploaded it to her YouTube account. She got away with $6,000 dollars before she made the video which featured her confession on subtitled boards while the band Green Day played in the background. They won’t be able to wake this girl up when September ends because she’s looking at serving 10 to 20 years for the best turned worst day of her life. Hannah literally handed over her confession when she uploaded that viral video.

#11 Michael Baker – Robbing A Cop Car? Time For A Pic! Michael Baker made a monumental mistake when he siphoned fuel from a police car. The supposed “joke” got even worse when he flipped the camera “the bird” when his girlfriend snapped the picture. If you are trying to be cool, defy the police, and actually get away with it, you should be more careful to not include your face along with a big goofy grin. Michael and his girlfriend later said that it was just a joke, but the Jenkins police officials failed to find the humor in it and they arrested him on charges of theft. It turns out that stealing from the police DOES get you in trouble, who would have thought.

#12 Michael Ruse – Talked About Case On Facebook When Michael Ruse beat up a friend’s dad, he thought he had gotten away with it. Unfortunately for him, he posted that exact thought on his Facebook profile while the court proceedings regarding the case were still in process. The post he made on Facebook was printed out and anonymously turned into the court prosecutors. With the new evidence in hand, Michael had no choice but to confess to his crimes. Even if you think that you got away with it, you should never, ever be dumb enough to post that thought where millions of people have access to it. Once it’s out in the internet world, there’s no getting it back.

#13 Corey Christian Adams – Looked For A Hitman This guy really takes the cake when it comes to dumb criminals. After a woman came forward with the accusations that Corey had raped her while she was intoxicated, he sought out a person that could handle the problem. And by that, we mean a hitman. Corey, angered at the accusations, went to Facebook to offer a deal of $500 for the “girls head.” Since murder is a pretty serious crime and all, we hope that he was just kidding about the $500, that’s not even enough to throw a shoe at someone let alone bury them six feet under. Prices on the Black Market may fluctuate through the years, but we’re sure that the pricing for killing is slightly steeper than that.

#14 Steve Stephens – Murder Video Uploaded To Facebook You may have heard of the name Steve Stephens from the news reports around the country that showed his face along with the crime he committed. An unlucky grandfather named Robert Godwin Sr. crossed his path and Stephens recorded himself walking up to Godwin before the two exchange a few words and Stephens puts a bullet in the poor man’s head. He then went on to post the video to Facebook. After leading police on a three-day chase, Steve committed suicide and the story ends there. Steve’s ex says that she has no idea what caused the rampage and that she would like to think of him as a “good person who did a bad thing.”

#15 Misty VanHorn – Sellings Kids For Bail Money This Oklahoma mother of two was trying to turn back time and send her babies back. Not really, but she was trying to sell them on Facebook for a measly $4,000. They say that you can’t put a price on a mother’s love, but it appears like Misty has found a number she was willing to settle on. It’s absolutely sick to think that someone would be willing to just hand over their children forever for just a few thousand dollars. After Misty had made her offer online, the person she made the offer to went to the authorities. The authorities, of course, arrested her and put her children in protective custody. It is said that she was trying to get the money so that she could bail out her boyfriend who was in jail during that time. Mother of the year right here.

#16 Brendon Miller – Dropped Your Baby? Time For A Status Update! If you are a parent that drops their infant on its head, the first thought any normal person would have would be to go to the emergency room at a hospital, where there are professionals. Brendon Miller made a different decision when he accidentally dropped an infant and then wrote about it on Facebook. Although the child did get taken to the hospital later, Brendon didn’t feel the need to share certain pieces of vital information with authorities. Because of the previous Facebook post where he confessed to dropping the kid on its head, police charged him with aggravated assault as well as endangering the welfare of a child. Anytime something serious happens to a child, or anyone for that matter, make sure that they get the proper treatment, no matter who’s fault it is.

Source: TheRichest