#I STILL CAN'T HANDLE IT OMGOSH

[scoobydoodean]

5x13 is a very interesting episode for all of the characters…

like you’ve got cas refusing to consider killing sam bc he wants to idk prove himself to dean

you’ve got mary and john being mad about raising kids to hunt and sam defending john

you’ve got sam’s rewriting of john: like he tells young john that his dad died trying to protect him, but dudeee john told dean he might have to kill you on his death bed

you’ve got dean trying to protect mary from the truth but ultimately realizing she deserves it (i love this one bc dean is consistently about people being honest with him)

you’ve got sam being honestly kinda cruel when telling mary to leave john so she doesn’t curse her kids, which there’s some truth to that but that is NOT the right way to say it sam (i genuinely don’t know how people think sam is good at like “therapy”)

you’ve got michael being creepy with dean and saying he doesn’t want to fight lucifer but still disagreeing about following a father’s orders and destiny and the advent of team free will

you’ve got sam starting to believe that maybe this is their destiny and dean strongly denying it (hot take but sometimes i really think sam and michael are the stronger parallel)

omgosh anyway sorry for the long recap but i guess i’m just wondering if there’s anything you would have done differently with this episode? specifically regarding how these themes were shown

Regarding Cas:

I don't think Cas wants to prove himself to Dean. I don't think he needs to, and I don't think he thinks he needs to right now. (In fact in 5.02 he suggested that Dean owes him). Everything Cas is doing is born of mutual solidarity with Dean in rebellion against heaven. If they don't succeed, they're all going to die—and so will everyone else. Cas has the entire host of heaven after him. Even fellow rebels like Anna and Gabriel dislike him. Gabriel resents Cas for his hopeless quest to find their father, and Anna hates him because he betrayed her in 4.21 and made no efforts to help her.

The only person Cas has in the world right now—the only person he can lean on or count on in any way—is Dean (see: 5.03). By extension, because of their shared love for Dean, Cas also has the people with whom Dean associates (Bobby, Sam, Ellen, Jo). There is protection and shelter through loyalty—through the found family. Cas calls Sam his friend in 5.13, but they haven't really had any bonding experiences on screen the way Dean and Cas have. I think for Cas, it's as simple as Dean is Cas's friend -> Anyone Dean cares about is also Cas's friend and worthy of his protection.

I also don't doubt that Cas is aware that Dean's well-being is tied to the family's well-being and the family's well-being is tied to Dean's well-being. I also don't think he's unaware of the fact that Dean can't weather more harm to their cobbled-together family. Sam and Dean's relationship is deeply scarred and trying to recover (but we see in 5.05 and 5.12 that Dean is struggling with it, and Cas specifically knows this from 5.03 when Dean opened up to him about it). Bobby is dealing with being recently paralyzed and is suicidal (and Dean's outright told Bobby that he can't handle losing him). Ellen and Jo just died a few episodes before. We're about to be reminded again how badly Dean is cracking open in 5.14.

Cas's actions with Anna are cold and calculated—ruthless—because he can't risk any further harm to the family unit—especially not any that might risk rupturing their heart (Dean). In that regard, Cas's actions toward Anna in 5.13, while ruthless, are in character (Also see: wanting to kill Jesse, torturing Donatello, plotting to kill Kelly, working with Sam to use The Book of the Damned).

Regarding Sam rewriting John:

I think the truth is that Sam doesn't care that John told Dean to save him or kill him. I mean—a part of him definitely was traumatized by it—but in 2.11, Sam says John was "right to say it" and he continues to push that narrative through season 2. I think the thing that really makes Sam angry is that it was kept from him. But the stuff related to Stanford and being raised a hunter—Sam forgives John for all of that, and we've known that for a while. We saw Sam start to soften and empathize with John's desire for revenge by 1.02. Then there was 1.08, 1.20, 2.02, 4.19.

Sam's lack of sugar-coating:

We can make note of this one also in 4.19 with Adam, in 4.20 with Jimmy, and in 5.06 with Jesse (though Sam does try harder with Jesse). I don't think he intends to be cruel to Mary, but by this point, Sam has kind of made a name for himself telling people their futures are fucked. This also feeds into your last note about Sam believing in destiny. Of course, Dean also jumps to say that Sam is right and Mary should just not have kids.

I don't know if there's anything I would have necessarily done differently, besides motivate Anna a little better. Her actions are rational, but they don't feel true to her character from season 4. By this I specifically mean her plotting to trick Sam and Dean into a trap, when they (especially Dean) had risked their lives for her in 4.09 and 4.10. She actually uses Dean's loyalty to try and trick him into meeting her, and the only reason it doesn't work is that Cas doesn't trust her and refuses to let Sam and Dean go to meet her. Given that the lack of loyalty and love among the angels was a primary motivation for Anna's fall, I would have appreciated further explanation behind her betraying Dean in this way—through his loyalty to her. I am likely meant to infer that her stay in prison included brainwashing that created this effect, but I don't know... it just feels off.

[your-goth-sis]

Idk if you still accept requests. Some Julie Kostenko x Shy Fem Reader fluff? And some play-fighting and playful teasing scenarios as well! :3

Julie is so bbg omgosh 🥺

Julie Kostenko x Shy! Fem reader

It was a normal day in Ormond. Nothing particularly interesting happened.

Anyways, you were cold that day and wanted nothing more than body heat of another. You decided to pick up your phone and contact your best friend, Julie. The phone dialed and seconds later, the phone picked up.

"Ah! H-hey Julie" you play with the wire of the phone "I was wondering if you'd like to come over?"

You heard a chuckle from the other side "Sure thing, I'm on my way"

She hung up not too long after and you waited--

A knock came at the door. You jolt up and make your way over to the door. There she stood, with a small smirk on her face.

"Hey"

"H.. Hey" you smiled nervously.

"Are you gonna let me in?" she chuckled.

"Ah! Yes sorry" you stepped aside and let her in.

TIMESKIP

You and Julie were watching a movie. A sex scene came on and soon things got awkward for you. You looked away, turning red from embarrassment.

You were tackled out of nowhere and a finger poked your cheek. She was now on top of you, brushing your hair aside "You look so adorable when you blush, Y/N"

She smirked as you turned your head away in embarrassment "What? Can't handle being teased?" she chuckled.

"J-Julie I..."

"Hm?"

"... Nothing"

She smiled, latching herself to your body and both of you roll off the bed.

The rest of the night was spent cuddling and play fighting, occasionally teasing being thrown around.

[that-ghostboy]

Done with alcohol for a while again. It's just delaying me from dealing with anything and also it's not fun anymore. Tolerance too high to get euphoric so no point. Wasting money too. I've got soooo many bottles to throw away omgosh. I'm still getting Dionysus tatted on my fingers but fuuuuuckk the god of wine is falling back for now. I'm so tired and my organs are starting to ache. My head, my heart, my lungs, my liver, and my stomach. I'm almost 28 and because of how I used to drink a fifth almost every day, I can't handle as much alcohol anymore. It's sad because I'm so young but this is what happens when you don't take care of your body. I'm ready to deal with what happens physically and emotionally the next several days as I withdrawal. It's gonna suck but it was worse years ago so I'm in for it. Gonna also not be hanging with peeps. Just gonna stay home when I'm not working. Just started writing again and also I have all my workout equipment just chillin these past few weeks so it'll be dope to pick those back up.

Honestly my recent heart break could've ended me but God pulled me through. I'm ready to move the fuck on. I did everything right so who cares. I'm willing to now take care of myself and only myself. I deserve love too. I did before but didn't act like it. Now I'll act right. Too close to my end last time. I love you guys. Check in pls.

[that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick]

Me, at 6am, having stayed up all night writing 5k words: I never want to write again. Or at least not for a couple weeks.

Also me: OMGOSH THIS SONG WOULD BE SO GREAT FOR A PREQUEL FIC

Still me: ಠ∀ಠ

So yeah, I've been simmering this idea for a month or two now. It can be read as a standalone, but is meant as a prequel to my other fic, Blind Trust. The song is Waste It on Me by Steve Aoki ft. BTS and you should totally give it a listen!

Hurt/comfort, 1.1k words

Moving Saeran into the bunker was a deceptively difficult task. Mostly because he had limited possessions, clothes that wouldn't even fill a backpack, and, to top it all off, no bed to sleep in. So, the twins left to go shopping for necessities, leaving Vanderwood and MC to deal with the chaos of the bunker. They tackled various tasks to attempt to clean up the place as best they could, but eventually, there was only so much more that could be done without the items from the shopping trip. Naturally, then, the only thing to do was steal Saeyoung's snacks and collapse on his couch. After munching for a few minutes, Vanderwood broke the silence.

"I've got to ask. How on earth did you deal with all of the insanity—Saeran, the crazy woman, that blue-haired man, even Sev-Saeyoung—without losing your mind entirely?"

MC's face forced itself into a small smile. "Let's just say I have experience dealing with dysfunctional people."

Vanderwood hummed. "I won't ask unless you want to tell me."

She sighed. "It's not like it's not all in the past now. It's just not fun to talk about too much. Long story short, I've had one too many bad exes. One was a liar and a cheater. Another seemed nice until you realized he was a manipulative little snake—actually, that's an insult to snakes. Another expected me to just give up all my career plans to be his good little housewife. You get the idea. So yeah, I figure dealing with the dysfunctional is just a part of my life now, and I haven't dated for a while for good reason. At this point, trying to find 'love', whatever that means, is just a waste of my time."

"Well, first of all, I don't know how no decent men have seen your strength of character or your kindness despite the absolute trainwreck your circumstances seem to keep being."

MC snorted, but Vanderwood held up a finger before she could open her mouth. "Second of all, I know I'm the last person you should ask about love, but I do know this. Real love isn't like that. I hate to use Saeyoung as any sort of example, but I'm going to anyway. He may not have gotten much right, but joining the agency to keep Saeran safe was the real stuff, even if it didn't go as planned. Sacrifice just so that the other could live a better life, finding each other again under absurd circumstances, learning enough about each other to be able to come to a truce, finding ways to compromise. It may not be the same kind of love, but that's what love is, MC. Each giving all for the good of the other."

"Wow," MC finally managed to get out. "I guess it's been a while since that sort of thing even occurred to me. But it's not like it matters anyway, since I'm not likely to find anyone who's even decent to me, much less has that kind of mindset. So like I said, it's just a waste of time."

Vanderwood growled in frustration. "Why is it so hard for you to believe that you deserve good things and that those things aren't unrealistic?" He ran a hand through his hair. "Why do you think it's such a waste of your time if you know what you want and what you don't want and if it could make you happy?"

"Because I've lived over a quarter of a century and not seen it once, Vanderwood!" Her voice broke. "Not once."

He gritted his teeth. "Fine then, MC. Fine. If love is nothing more than just a waste of your time, why not waste it on me?"

His jaw dropped at the realization of the words that had just fallen from his lips. MC's eyes widened.

"Uh—I mean—"

"I don't know what to say. I've just...been single for so long that I don't even know what it feels like to have feelings for someone anymore. But I mean, you're attractive and all that. And quite honestly, you reminded me today of what love even looks like. So I think that's a good place to start."

"I...don't even know how to respond to that. I didn't even plan to ask you out today, much less expect that I'd get a positive response. I have to warn you, though, we won't be on even ground." MC groaned, but Vanderwood continued, "We won't be on even ground because you hadn't even considered dating me until today, whilst I couldn't shake my admiration for you since the moment you first opened your mouth. Believe me, I wanted to. But I couldn't ignore the grace and strength with which you handled the insanity involved in dismantling Mint Eye and the agency, one right after the other. It also didn't help that you were absolutely beautiful, either."

"Vanderwood, you know I can't promise anything serious. I'm willing to try, but you know my history. I have too many trust issues to be able to commit to anyone anytime soon."

"Well, I think that's something that I can match you pretty evenly in. I've been taught never to trust anybody. If I did, I could be a major liability to a mission. Because of this, if you'll excuse the invasion of privacy, I had Saeyoung scour your background in every way I could think of, because there was no way you were as good as you seemed. Yet, you came back clean. Absolutely normal. So while I know it's something I'm going to have to consciously work on, I'm willing to trust you as a person and trust your judgement. You can take whatever time you need, and I will put no pressure on you to commit to anything. But," he looked her in the eye, "don't think for a second that I'll treat you with any less respect and care than you deserve just because you can't promise commitment yet. Do you understand?"

MC's eyes welled up in spite of herself. "Yeah," she sniffed. "I'm. I'm just not used to this, you know? But I won't try to be flaky with you just because we're starting out with a casual relationship, either. I hope you understand where I'm coming from."

He pursed his lips. "I may not understand firsthand what you've gone through, but I've dealt with a lot of seedy men over my career, and I know what they're like. I also know that simply saying I won't be like them won't convince you, but I will do my utmost to prove it to you through my actions."

"Okay."

"Waste it on me?"

She smiled. "Yeah."

[imma-lil-teapot]

Random Anime Movie Recommendation: Violet Evergarden The Movie (2020)

Soooo, I just finished watching Violet Evergarden: The Movie, and, and...

MY EMOTIONS!!!!! OMGOSH!!!

I don't normally make such posts, but this movie made me FEEL and I had to share my thoughts!!! Bear with me really quick!!

~BEWARE, SMALL RANT AHEAD~

For past few years, I've practically given up being excited about new movies: 99% of the time they disappoint, and it's mainly due to (my own opinion, of course) the pacing, the emotions (or rather lack of), the acting, and just the over all heart and soul of story. Far too often, movies nowadays are trying way too hard to be politically correct, promote toxic feminism with poor leads by breaking down everyone else around them, worrying too much about flashy scenes and constant action and disregarding the plot and character development, not giving a damn about music and how it sets the mood, etc. I could go on for ages but you probably get it...

This is where Anime in general is just such a big win for me personally and why I adore it so much! They have everything I look for in a movie (not all, but most of the time), and this one in particular is no exception:

Violet Evergarden, the Movie, to sum up: (Spoiler free)

PLOT:

Pretty darn good! Lemme just state real quick that there does appear to be a series by the same title and that the movie does indicate this during the flashback scenes that don't fully explain certain events... However, I feel they don't hurt the overall enjoyment of the film and can be viewed independently without prior knowledge (but would probably be even better with it, let's be honest) but you can easily piece together what's going on, what occurred, who's who etc. with what they do show and don't be put off if you haven't watched the series first. I still enjoyed the heck outta this film without that previous viewing.

That being said, do give the opening a chance. It starts off a little on the slow side, and the transition to the different time period was a bit baffling at first, but once you've adjusted, you're pretty much hooked! The rest from there is just beautiful and very well written.

PACING:

*Chef's kiss* Hollywood, take notes! This is exactly how you do pacing in movies! Everything flows so flawlessly! I swear most movies today are directed by a flock of finches! Don't get me wrong, finches are absolutely adorable, but bruh, do you even rest?! Thems got the permanent zoomies! "Room to breathe? Ain't nobody got time fo dat!" It's like they think that if there isn't constant action happening on the screen the audience is going to fall asleep... meanwhile, I can't even remember a single thing that happened cause it whooshed passed too quickly. I get it that they have a time frame, but seriously, add a few extra minutes to really get us invested in the moments!

This movie handles their time perfectly! There's room to breathe and really absorb what's happening in the moment. They allow you to really take in not only the emotion, but also the scenery and the soundtrack! Most Anime gets this right every time and I love it for that!

ANIMATION:

Gorgeous! Especially the backgrounds! But again, Anime normally hits it out of the park when it comes to their animation and art style.

MUSIC:

Spectacular! Perfect ost for this story! Really drove home the scenes they were trying to convoy and made you feel so invested! They really knew how to use the music to the absolute fullest. I can't even words right now how great it is! Just every track was used perfectly and will make you have feels! Heck knows I still have them.

CHARACTERS:

Very well written. You will enjoy them all... or at least most of them. Likable, charming, fleshed out enough for a movie length. I gotta admit, I was at first a little annoyed at how Violet was basically the centre of attention all the time... But I mean; main character, title of the film, story is literally based around her etc. but y'know, she's a cool character and can't not like her, plus the whole story's very beautiful, so it works.

DID I CRY:

Like a baby. This movie is one giant tug at the heart strings, and not always in a sad sad kinda sense (I mean, there are some real humdingers), but just the overall tone of it. It's just stunning! Beyond stunning and I love it!

Oh, also forgot to mention that I saw the dub cause that's the one my friend got, but it's honestly good! No issue whatsoever. :)

So yeah, if you're a fellow Anime fan who especially enjoys emotion-driven plots, I HIGHLY recommend this one! I mean, listen to this music =

New fav song for a while!

Thank you so much for the read, and seriously, go watch it! ;)

~Drag0n Mistr3ss*