#I SWEAR IT'S GOOD YOU'LL LIKE IT!!

[wonryllis]

HAPPY FOR A WHILE ☆ ( sunghoon )

` —SOMETIMES, love will leave you even when it’s right.

preview. eversince the start, you had noticed something off. but you were far too into him to scrutinize things. as a result it came back to you when you were way in deep and thought everything was fine. (this is a repost!)

meet the cast. park sunghoon with gn!reader LIBRARY?

genre. angst, nonidol!au, side character death mentioned, sort of rebound!reader, no physical cheating, it's good i promise.

word count. around 1400 listen to. smile again by blackbear. 

827 days.

that’s how much time you’ve been in a relationship with sunghoon. a simple two expanding to so many days and so many more moments. you were never the one to keep a track, just too forgetful to continue the numbers, yet this time something is different, so different that it feels like another version of a first love.

3017 days; that’s sunghoon’s count.

at first you had assumed that he had simply made a mistake, when you saw the figure showing up on the lockscreen of his red iPhone. for a long time thinking that perhaps the count started from when he had known you, remembering the time he told you he knew you way before you got to know him.

but as time passed, all the pieces connected and everything made sense. how the first thing he wakes up in the morning and does is check for messages, fingers hovering over a certain contact you only caught a blurry glimpse of a few times. but never opening it as if waiting for a notification- an excuse. how on specific dates he disappears for the entire day only to come back home around midnight, always dressed in that blue shirt he never lets you touch, the cloth tucked away in the deepest corner of his closet. how sometimes he pauses for a minute before calling out to you, as if trying to find the right name or realizing you are the wrong person for the name at the tip of his tongue.

sometimes he would buy the wrong things, like a different ice cream flavor, different color of scarf, different shoe size, different boba flavor or coffee order, tickets for a different genre of movie or band concerts, forgetting your favorite or preferred ones; turns out it isn’t you who’s on his mind when he’s out in the store or the line. it hurt you everytime it happened but when he apologized, you couldn’t find it in you to question why and just forgave him.

you met him two and a half years ago, when he was in his most vulnerable phase. you had gotten to know from his friends about his break up, that he had recently been single again. the same friends who told you a few months ago that it wasn’t exactly a break up, his girlfriend died in a plane crash six months before you met him.

maybe that was what the count is for. he’s waiting for her, even when he knows she’s gone.

they say first love is a memory of a lifetime.

one might not still have romantic feelings for their first but they always remember, the person, the moments, the feelings of the past. maybe, just maybe if she was his first love it would have hurt a little less. but she wasn’t.

they had been dating for five years, had a lot of things they wanted to do together, a future they looked forward to with the other. and most of all, sunghoon was planning to propose when she came back from the work trip; but she never did.

eversince you often wondered why he agreed to be with you if he wasn’t over her yet. it had just been about a year after her death that you had made a move on him, soon asking him out to be your boyfriend. no one told you why he broke up with his girlfriend not to mention she wasn’t even alive anymore, sunghoon himself never talked about his past or her. maybe it was the same old, “she would’ve wanted me to move on”, but this wasn’t moving on, this was pretending to be. it made you question whether all those loving things he did and still does with you, for you are genuine or not.

in all those movies you’ve seen and books you’ve read, where the character stays even though their partner is cheating physically or emotionally, you never understood why, why they never leave but perhaps now you do.

“do you love me?” you had once asked him when he was drunk, trusting the saying ‘a drunk mind speaks a sober heart’, holding his face in your hands, making him look you in the eyes so he knows it’s not her but you. “i really want to,” he had mumbled softly, a whisper of her name following after, so inaudible yet you still heard it; it was as if he felt guilty for trying to find new happiness. the words had broken your heart, but you wanted, still want to stay. for you it’s the attachment and the hope, and the love, how he treats you better than any of your exes though you’ve always been in healthy relationships.

and watching him wake up everyday, and then checking for a sign of her, you realize as long as he wanted, you would keep pretending along with him. because just like he’s stuck with a part of her, you’re stuck with a part of him. a part of him which maybe actually loves you, or at least shows that he does.

what they had he considered forever, knowing very well the forever would end someday but he didn’t know it would be that soon. and just like that you think you can go on like this forever, even if that forever were to end tomorrow.

today you had a date planned, a table reserved in your favorite restaurant where you’re currently seated after sunghoon left in a hurry. he had gotten a call an hour ago, which he had excused himself to attend. you had managed to catch a glimpse of the contact name, it was her mother, his ex’s mother, he still had her saved as mother-in-law. when he came back to the table, a look of apology and dismay on his face- you immediately knew he had to leave. but he couldn’t just leave you there so you did what you thought would be best, told him you can go back on your own anyways and that you still wanted to stay out for a while longer so he need not worry. he told you to text him when you reach home and that he’ll be back late before he was out the door and you watched as he got into his car and drove away.

you know the call had something to do with her, you knew it the moment you looked into his eyes when he came back to leave. you are no one to decide what he should do with things to related to his past yet the fact that he cared enough to ask you even if it wasn’t words and even if you knew he would have left anyways showed that maybe he is trying; trying to live in the present. maybe the clench in your heart made you conscious of how he must feel. of course the pain is different for you both but you want to understand.

later at night when you go back to your shared apartment, you find sunghoon passed out in the living room, a cardboard box beside the couch, containing things you assume belonged to her. sunghoon is sitting on the floor, his head resting on the coffee table ontop of a handmade photobook, pages covered with pictures of him and his ex. just beside it, is his phone screen showing her contact opened, where the last message he sent dates back to three years ago,“have a safe flight, i love you,” a little bubble showing unread below the text.

something he has never before said to you, only ever replying with a 'me too’, maybe someday you both will find a paradise where the past will be a happy memory or perhaps you’ll part ways. all you know that you were happy for awhile, the while before you knew of her. you’re still happy now, not all parts of you, but the part which has come to love him enough to disregard that he’s not wholly yours.

it feels bittersweet to love him, like a dust storm swallowing the sky yet the sky is still there in all glory. you’ll hold him for as long as you can, as long as he will want you to. maybe he'll learn to love you enough to let her go, or maybe you'd learn to love him enough to let him go.

taglist. ( open ) @kangseulgithegreat @s00buwu @luvyev @pockyyasii @nctislifue @ashtxrie @miniature-tragedy @jayujus @brachives @thoughtsmeander2tumblingblindly @eeunoia

[your-dead-illiterate-friend]

Jacques Morneau My Beloved

Reupload from my Pinterest!

[gwydionae]

SAY IT WITH ME:

FEMALE CHARACTERS CAN BE WARRIORS AND FEMININE

MALE CHARACTERS CAN BE SMART AND MASCULINE

BEING BOTH IS NOT A "FLAW" WHERE ONE NEEDS TO BE REMOVED

IT'S CALLED "COMPLEXITY"

[sunshades]

shall wait maybe to the next update to write more bc this will be definitely get more content but deeply fascinating that cathy ends up with this association with the mirror -which in the context of the game, represents change and mutability- while we witness in the present a lot of the abuse heathcliff receives keeps bringing back a supposed unability to change and become "a man of quality"... those cycles, man

[theodoradove]

rewatched design for living and trouble in paradise and AUGH they are such good films

[astranauticus]

todays orv mood: standing at the water dispenser under my dorm building waiting for my instant noodles to cook just pacing in circles and swearing

[malyen0retsev]

i feel like gen z need to be sat down and explicitly told it is ABSOLUTELY OK to say the wrong thing and do the wrong thing sometimes. growing up actually means fucking up, and if you spend your whole life paranoid of being ‘problematic’ then you are legitimately going to drive yourself into an anxiety induced meltdown. watching or reading ‘problematic’ media does not make you a bad person, and tbfh sometimes watching or reading said media (provided you keep your analytical brain switched on) is a good thing to do. because just as we learn by seeing what’s right to do, we also learn by seeing what’s not right to do. 

and without wishing to sound horrendously horrendously ‘i am in my mid twenties’, you don’t need to let the entire world know what you’re watching and reading. you actually don’t need to let the entire world know a damn thing about you, and i feel like a lot of the anxiety i see from gen-z online is this terror of being called problematic precisely because the boundaries for oversharing are next to non-existent. growing and changing and learning are a fundamental part of being a teenager, and you will say and do ‘problematic’ shit which will make you cringe in your twenties, and that’s absolutely ok because you will have learned from it. 

[designsdefiance]

day 24: free day family

they might have lost their mother young, but seyli and kipfhi have never been alone. their dad and their aunt made sure of that

[fakemagicjaye]

chapter 39 is~ going to be late~ wow who would have guessed~

[daydadahlias]

jess i love that you have a cute lil gay outfit on. my fave aesthetic is "i need everyone to know i'm gay" and i think you're crushing it. 12/10 i would love to see your cow earrings 🥺

well this is the micro cow necklace i wear every day that i was talking about (which monse got me hehe) <3 but i will tack on my cow earrings for u too

[sansxfuckyou]

friendly reminder that if a fic reads 1/1 on Ao3, that means its a motherfucking oneshot and don't say 'looking forward to the next chapter' when it says the fic is completed

[pedro-pascal]

nothing pushes my self esteem lower than your txt posts cause ill watch the mandalorian and have a great time and i like marvel movies too then ill come on here to see you say how everything about the episodes was bad and anyone who enjoys it is a stupid shitbrained idiot with bad taste and comparing it negatively to marvel cause everyone on tmblr hates marvel now.

but you make some of the most beautiful gifs on here so i still like following you for those.

wtf anon, i don't think i ever belittled someone bc they liked marvel (maybe some of my friends bc ik they don't even enjoy it so much so i kindly make fun of them)

i actually think it's great that you enjoy stuff. i personally am very critical of what i watch so that's why i kinda always criticise things. the thing about mando is that the episode is like good ya know? but if you compare this to the whole star wars thing and like the whole story of star wars then i think some stuff is lacking. and that's star wars fans for you. we love to bitch about stuff. do not take it personally. i'm also french so that doesn't help because we love to complain

at the end of the day it's just an opinion and most opinions are neither wrong or right. if you feel happy about your opinion then you shouldn't be affected by others!!!

if i make you so sad and hurt, please , unfollow me. it's not healthy. i have a very opinionated mind so if it makes you uncomfortable, please unfollow/block me. it's not worth your mental health i promise. a lot of people make better gifs than me and they don't say a single word soo i guess you'd be better with them!

[priestofberath]

They should put Team Fortress 2 characters in other games. Like I want to see the Sniper in Smash Bros. Let people play as Demoman in Fortnite or something idk.

[weirdcharacter]

Me seeing Wade Wilson (masked): Such a pretty guy

Me seeing Wade Wilson (partially/ entierely unmasked): So fucking pretty

[keeps-ache]

now consider this proposition o' mine: my not-cobalt-blue 0.7mm mechanical BIC pencil in exchange for the choruses of five songs off the top of your head

[cowboyabunga]

the front bottoms are truly the funniest band in existence i've never seen a fan base more dedicated to ONLY giving backhanded compliments