#I WANT TO DISSECT HIS BRAIN AND LEARN HIS EVERY THOUGHT AND MOTIVATION IN LIFE | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

admiralty-xfd · 5 years

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ode to an evolved fox

You never believed it before; all that bullshit about women changing men. Everyone says it isn’t true, has never been true.

You still don’t believe it.

Perhaps you can rationalize what’s happened; lay out every piece of scientific evidence side by side, laid bare to pick apart and dissect. Analyze the data. Find the answer, the explanation, like you’re used to doing.

But you know it’s pointless. With him it’s never been about the data, the countless traits that compile, making him the man he was, is, will become.

With Mulder, it’s pure instinct. It’s a feeling. It always has been.

You feel it when you shake his hand and aren’t quite sure what you’re getting yourself into but somehow it seems fated. It pulls you forward on a particular path, unstoppable; this drive that wills you to follow him anywhere.

And you do. You follow him everywhere. You’ve never been the type of woman to follow a man.

You, Dana Scully, you run.

But you don’t run from him.

Instead you let him in, piece by piece, let him show you the wonders you would never have seen otherwise. Let him mold you, change you, improve you in ways you never thought possible.

And you do it slowly. Carefully. Because this thing between you, whatever it is, you cannot risk losing it. You cannot make this into something that will push him away because the truth is, as much as you try to convince yourself that loneliness is your choice, you need another person.

You need this person.

In what way you need him, you don’t know. You try to parse out what it all means, what he means to you; this man who’s taken up every last molecule of space in your life, every thought, every breath, every dream. Even every nightmare. You don’t know what to make of it.

The progression is gradual, glacial. Even more so considering the intensity of your work, the force with which your worlds have been pushed together, pulled apart; like taffy, sweet but impossible. Like whiplash.

You lie awake in your Georgetown apartment and think; of what happened today, what will happen tomorrow. And how none of it would be possible if he weren’t in your life. This relationship— no, this partnership, because with a partnership there is no one else, just the two of you— is the most precious thing you’ve ever had in your life and you cannot, you will not rock this particular boat.

You let him in because you have no choice, every part in succession, like you’re performing an autopsy: clean, deliberate, tedious.

First, his mind. That beautiful mind which inspires, teases, even arouses you. You hate it when men are smarter than you (because they rarely are) but this man is a challenge you never tire of facing. His brain stimulates your own as though it were a brand new organ. Like that feeling you get when you go skiing and afterwards physically quake from the exhaustion of using muscles you didn’t realize you had. It’s new and exciting. It’s better than sex. Almost.

Then comes his heart. It rushes in like a hurricane, a fierce love you feel in your own heart long before either of you use the word. It’s not romantic love, sexual love, not yet, at least. But it isn’t long before you want it to be. Even though your mind is telling you not to go there, this is biology. Science. Your refuge, this inexorable vestige of truth, and biology dictates this carnal desire.

For him.

The physical, tangible evidence of this love percolates for years, and waiting only feels wrong in moments of desperation: an ouroboros; a cancer diagnosis, an ex.

The perpetual compulsion to get on the same page, when you know it may never, ever happen.

He isn’t the guy for you. You know this deep down inside, in that place you rarely scrutinize because insisting he isn’t your perfect match in every possible way is the only thing you can do to keep yourself afloat; to keep him from pulling you underneath with him, to stop yourself from drifting down a current that will become an unstoppable whirlpool in which you’ll drown, drown forever.

Drown in him.

You never try to convince yourself you don’t love him because it’s never going to be true: you do love him, painfully, desperately. But you do try to convince yourself you could never be with him, not like that, that could never be.

He isn’t made for that.

This hesitancy keeps your partnership intact; avoiding this whirlpool, because the alternative still feels impossible. Turning your entire life over to him, to his care, is concerning.

It isn’t concerning. It’s fucking terrifying.

So you wait. You keep him at arm's length and in doing so you keep yourself safe from your own vulnerability. Waiting is how you are most comfortable.

He holds you when you need to be held, a respite from the day-to-day horrors you willingly signed up for. And he keeps his hands off you while neither of you are ready. He’s a gentleman through and through, and you love him even more for it. You both wait without feeling like you are waiting.

Time passes in moments. Nothing happens for a reason.

There are days you feel like giving in; letting yourself get swept up in all the things you love about him, all the things that keep you awake at night, all the things that invade your dreams while you sleep.

Mostly his eyes: the ones that feel like they were made to look at you and only you. The ones that house the trust you’ve come to expect, but also the love of which neither of you dare speak. His eyes can be frightening. You want to look into them forever; you want to look away.

You know it’s a bad idea, falling for him. So you choose loneliness yourself, again and again, for years.

Sometimes you wish time could stop like it did back in Oregon, that you could capture it in an Erlenmeyer flask and seal it up, enable the two of you to hang suspended between here and there forever. Between now and the inevitable. Between A and C. You wish it wouldn’t happen almost as much as you crave it.

You wish you could have known him as a young boy: before his family fell apart, before his trust was broken. Before Samantha.

Somehow you know Samantha is a pain that will never subside, not even after he learns the truth. But your truth is that you’ve waited for this moment for seven years: the moment you know his love belongs to you and you alone. It isn’t simply a product of this quest, of duress. It’s a choice he’s been unable to make before.

You’d die for Mulder, but you won’t allow yourself to love him.

He was right, that black-lunged son of a bitch. There are few things in life more disconcerting than your worst enemy seeing so clearly what you struggle daily to hide.

Except, perhaps, the disconcerting realization that your worst enemy is in fact the part of yourself that keeps you from the truth.

You’ll never really know if the cancer man’s words had an effect on you; if subconsciously, the idea of continuing to live a lie had been too hypocritical to face in your perpetual search for truth. But not long after this realization, you give in. You make a choice, you allow yourself to succumb.

You go to him in the night and without words you tell him you are ready. No… you show him you are ready. And from the way he accepts you with no hesitation; with longing and urgency and the deepest affection, you know he is finally ready too. This is the point of no return, the point where you give yourselves to each other entirely, completely. You trust him with the deepest love you could possibly express.

And you do love him. You love him so much you give him everything you have, all of you, every part until there is absolutely nothing left to give.

Clinging to each other in a dingy motel room after what feels like an entire lifetime of heartache later, even as you cling to hope, you know the truth. This won’t work, it can’t work. He’ll never stop and get out of the car. He’ll never want that, even if you do.

Years later, he isn’t lying when he tells you he’s the one who hasn’t changed. He isn’t. He hasn’t.

And even though you hate yourself for thinking it, for wishing it; that’s the problem.

He chooses the darkness every time. Even when inky blackness surrounds you both until you can’t see each other anymore; until you can’t look into his eyes and find him there, eager, willing, passionate. The man you fell in love with.

You love him still. You’ll love him endlessly.

It isn’t his fault you have to go.

He once compared himself to a shark; told you a shark never stops swimming. You want him to stop swimming so badly but he won’t, he can’t stop. He’s not built to stop. If he stops, he will die.

It isn’t his fault that you fell in love with a shark.

Loneliness is a choice.

This is the crux of your dilemma: this is the inherent contradiction of Dana Scully: that you’d fall hopelessly in love with a man who cannot be the kind of man you need. That you’d allow it to happen despite your years of holding back, despite your rational brain advising against it. That you’d follow him again and again, to the ends of the earth, to your undoing, even, desperate love your sole motivator.

That love is what makes everything worth it, absolutely everything... until it isn’t worth it anymore.

And the final, cruel insult, is that after all you’ve lost, all you’ve sacrificed, your only option is to relinquish him as well.

You can choose loneliness again, you think. It feels good to be out of the tank for a while. But that’s the thing about tanks: the wall that separates you from him is made of glass. You can still see him, swimming around and around. He can see you. Even though you’ve left the warmth of his arms, of the bed you once shared, he is still a part of you. He swims through your veins.

All you want is him, Fox Mulder, to make a choice between you and the darkness. All you want is, for once, to see him choose the light.

It takes you a long time to see it; to really see. As it always has.

But today, you see it.

Today, it isn’t about believing. It’s about seeing. And you see it with your own eyes.

I don’t know if any God is listening, but I am standing right here, and I am listening. Right beside you. I’m all ears. That’s my choice.

You didn’t change him; you couldn’t, and you wouldn’t. You never wanted that. You only wanted him to want to make that choice.

He lights a candle, finished choosing darkness. For the first time it isn’t about a feeling, at least not only a feeling. It’s reason and faith in harmony. It’s A to B to C. It’s the man you’ve loved for half your life finally making a choice, and that choice is you.

You still don’t believe a woman can change a man. Because you weren’t the one who changed him.

He did it himself, and he did it all for you.

#msr #txf fanfic #fox mulder #dana scully #nothing lasts forever #my fic

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clansayeed · 4 years

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Bound by Destiny ― Chapter 15: The Storm

PAIRING: Kamilah Sayeed x MC (Nadya Al Jamil) RATING: Mature

⥼ MASTERLIST ⥽

⥼ Bound by Destiny ⥽

Nadya Al Jamil (MC) has been struggling from the day she moved to Manhattan, but her new job as assistant to the mysterious CEO of Raines Corp was supposed to turn her luck around. Until she finds herself caught in the middle of a war involving the Council of Vampires who secretly run the city. An evil from the birth of Vampire-kind stirs beneath, feeding on the conflict, and finds Nadya bound to a destiny she never asked for.

Bound by Destiny and the rest of the Oblivion Bound series is an ongoing dramatic retelling project of the Bloodbound series and spin-off, Nightbound. Find out more [HERE].

*Let me know if you would like to be added to the Destiny tag list!

⥼ Chapter Summary ⥽

Valdas and Isseya come to collect Nadya as a witness for Adrian’s trial. Tired of things being out of her control, she takes matters into her own hands with Kamilah.

WARNING: this chapter contains explicit sexual content

[READ IT ON AO3]

In everyone else’s defense she is just as surprised as they are by her howling laughter.

Not really the reaction one would be expected to have after getting another heaping pile of bad news on top of the garbage landfill that’s become her life recently. But the brain works in mysterious ways.

Lily, the only one even remotely qualified to try and dissect the strange being Nadya’s found herself becoming, pulls her close with a glare at the intruders. She looks rapidly between Valdas and Isseya — can’t seem to figure out which one she wants to direct her hatred at more.

“Yeah well since that’s not happening I guess you can take your leave. Buh-bye now.”

They don’t move. Literally — from here it looks like they aren’t even breathing. It makes Nadya’s skin crawl; just another weird emotion in the unstable bowl of soup inside her.

Valdas removes his sunglasses — sunglasses, underground, when he can’t even go into the sunlight; the mark of the douchebag — and cocks them in the dip of his silken dress shirt.

“This isn’t a voluntary matter. Even if it were I’m rather surprised you wouldn’t want to leap to Raines’ aid.”

His flippant tone helps Nadya calm her laughter enough to compose herself.

“Adrian’s — I mean that means he’s alive. That does mean he’s alive, right?” His curt nod makes her feel weak in the knees. “And Kamilah…?”

“If you keep standing here fretting there are no guarantees. On both the lives of your friends and your own.” Isseya yawns as she says it; like this entire ordeal bores her.

To Nadya’s surprise it’s Jax who steps around — places himself between her and the other vampires.

He reaches for the sword at his back; lets it rest on the hilt. “Is that a threat?”

The couple laugh in sync. Isseya rolls her eyes. “When we threaten you, pet —”

And witnessing such speed again makes Nadya sweat — reminds her of Isseya’s nails digging into her neck. Makes her practically crush herself against the safety of Lily’s side.

Valdas holds Jax several inches off the ground. Just enough for his boots to scrape by with the promise and denial of stability. He struggles to pry the man’s hand from his throat. Lashes out with fangs and red eyes that show no sign of deterring Valdas in the slightest.

“— you’ll know it.” He finishes his partner’s sentence. Opens his hold like one might a machine for Jax to fall and walks at a human pace back so Isseya can wrap herself around his arm.

Jax rubs his throat and makes a real move for his katana. Behind him Maricruz looks ready to jump one — or both — of them from behind.

Isseya rolls her eyes.

“Are you all really so foolish? Or is it that you hate your grimy lives down here so much that you’d use us as a way to set you free of it?”

Maricruz actually growls. “¡No mames! Shut up if you know what’s good for you.”

But before the Clanless can make a move Nadya rushes out with her arms extended.

“Don’t! Jax… don’t. You don’t know who they are.”

He scoffs. “I don’t need to. I know their type.”

“No, you don’t,” and she lowers her voice, “they’ll kill you. Just stop.” But before any more quips can spark the blaze she gives a glare to the Trinity. “Insulting my friends is probably not the best way to get me to go with you. I want to help Adrian — but they’re not wrong either. So talk.”

They look at one another without a word. Maybe two thousand years with someone erases the boundaries of language — or maybe they’re actually telepathic. The second thought feels intrusive and upsetting so Nadya pushes it aside with all her might.

“We will be happy to explain on the way.” Valdas says finally. “Is that enough of a compromise?”

Not even close, Nadya thinks, but if her stubbornness is what makes the difference between Adrian living and dying she’ll never forgive herself for sticking to her scruples.

Then Lily’s at her arm and interlaces their fingers. “No way she’s going with you creeps alone. I’m coming with.”

“Hell no.”

Mari appears at her side in a blur with a concerned frown. She cups her girlfriend’s cheek and Lily leans into it with a tiny smile.

“She’s my best friend. I’ll be fine.”

“Friend or not, mi amor, walking into a Council trial is suicide for the likes of us.”

Lily falters slightly — as if the thought hadn’t crossed her mind. “Oh.”

Jax agrees. “As it is I’m still deciding if we’re going to let you leave here at all.” Did he not just almost die for saying that stuff? Nadya doesn’t even try anymore. “The Council can’t know where we are. Not after everything we’ve done to make this place safe.”

“I don’t know which is more amusing,” croons Isseya, “that you think you could stop us or that you think we care about your menial cluster of vagabonds. You swarm like insects hiding in plain sight and call yourselves hidden.”

Her scorn dies with Valdas’ stare. “What my beloved means is that your existence; your little hidey-hole, is inconsequential to us. We are here on behalf of the Council — not as part of it.”

“Then promise not to tell the Council the location of the Shadow Den,” demands Nadya, “it’s that simple.”

Because she knows Lily and her humor she’s glad that Valdas answers, gaze locked with Jax’s, before she has the chance to make a joke about a measuring contest.

“Very well. If we’re through wasting time, then, ladies?”

The Trinity and their luxury look more suited to a runway in Paris than the Spartan lives of those in the Shadow Den. It’s no wonder every conversation stops and any witnesses stare openly while their leader and his deputy, along with the strange human girl, head towards the exit closest to the city center.

Maricruz steals Lily for one more goodbye — not a last one, just one more — with an embrace that could break bones and a kiss filled with so much longing that even Valdas looks away after several seconds.

All Nadya can think is why she didn’t do that to Kamilah when she thought it might really be the last, and not just one more.

Jax rests his hand on Nadya’s shoulder; makes her flinch briefly and actually seems remorseful over it.

“Lily knows how to contact us. The second anything seems fishy you run like hell, got it?”

“I think I know how to deal with vampires by now. This isn’t my first rodeo.”

“As I seem to recall you were being locked in a dungeon at your first rodeo.”

She huffs.

“Well I’ve learned a lot since then.”

A strange look comes over him; concern, maybe? She’s not used to it being directed her way so it throws her off her game.

“I hope so,” he replies, “but from everything I’ve seen so far…”

“Watch how you finish that.”

“Stop — please just listen, will you? Any vampire you meet is going to be stronger, smarter, faster than you. That’s just the way it works. But you can’t let that stay your hand and keep you from fighting. You have to try — even if the chances are slim to none. ‘Slim’ is better than ‘impossible’ in my book.”

She thinks back to his readiness to threaten Valdas — not just once but twice and that following nearly having his head ripped off his neck. It sucks to admit but he kinda-sorta has a point.

There’s an uncomfortable feeling inside her chest; makes Nadya frown down at her shoes before she can muster up the words.

“I’m not strong enough. You said it yourself — I’m just a human.”

“Hey, humans have been a thorn in our sides since the dawn of time, or civilization, or whatever.” He squeezes her again and she can feel it; the power lurking beneath his skin — and the restraint he shows with it, too. “Don’t underestimate yourself.”

“It’s more than that, Jax. It’s —”

“Stop.”

He interrupts her curtly. Makes her have to look him in the eyes before carrying on. “When I asked Espinoza how all that went down with Lily you know what she told me? She said that the same human who let herself be captured and rescued looked a vampire right in the eyes — looked Council member Adrian Raines right in the eyes — and told him that she wasn’t taking no for an answer. I don’t see that human right now — but I saw her back at the train station. And she’s probably shown up other times too — whenever her friends have needed her.

“We all need something to fight for. For me it’s everyone in the Shadow Den; everyone forced into a life on the run with no say in their lives. For you, Nadya, it seems like it’s your friends. So if thinking about your friends gives you the balls to tell the Council to ‘fuck off’ then start putting together a photo album or something, you know? Whatever it takes.”

Whatever it takes. The tightness in her chest isn’t gone but it’s definitely easier to breathe. Was he actually being… nice to her? Telling her how she needed to find the strength to help her friend a Clan Leader?

She makes a mental note to buy a lotto ticket when they’re back on the surface.

“You were a motivational speaker before you were Turned,” she teases, “weren’t you?”

“I’m being serious.”

“So am I. I bet there’s a self-help book hidden in the back corner of every bookstore. What’s it called… ooh, I bet it’s something like —”

He stops her with a hand over her mouth but the mirth in his eyes is genuine. Jax may not find it nearly as funny but at least he’s not glaring at her any longer. And honestly his advice is comforting. Enough to help her find the strength to turn around and join the vampires by the service stairwell towards the subway above.

“Be safe.” Lily says to Jax and throws one last parting kiss at Mari.

The Trinity has had enough of their sentiments. Evidenced by the groan of the metal handle under Isseya’s grip. “Come. A car will be waiting for us.”

With Isseya at the lead and Valdas behind them the four begin the winding path up into the world.

Lily holds her hand the whole way — and she couldn’t ask for a better best friend.

The driver steps out onto the curb and opens their door. The rush of noise and light takes a second to get used to but it soothes Nadya like a long-lost home. Thunder rumbles up above, bounces off every building around them in a drumming tune.

She looks around the crowded sidewalk — turning this way and that to get her bearings — but quickly realizes she doesn’t have to and ducks her head to see where Valdas and Isseya remain seated.

“What’s going on? I thought you were taking us to Adrian’s trial.”

“The Council requires all those giving testimony to be in their personal hands at least twenty-four hours before proceeding,” Valdas states with boredom. Beside him Isseya picks up her vibrating phone from her lap and answers with a sultry purr.

“Impatience is an ugly thing, Priya. We’ve just finished dropping them off. You’ve saved me the blond one, haven’t you?”

Nadya recoils in disgust at Priya’s name. “That answers who you’re staying with, then.”

While his partner continues making demands on the phone Valdas gives a lazy salute to the pair of them.

“It’s been a pleasure, Miss Nadya. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow night.”

She doesn’t get the chance to respond — the driver slams the door practically in her face and when he peels away from the curb at least half a dozen taxi horns screech in protest to his blatant disrespect of the rules of the road.

That’s when the skies open up; slowly and then all at once. The first drop that tickles Nadya’s nose is soon joined by another, then another, and then the storm blankets New York in a sheet of water.

Lily breathes in the night and rain with a stretch and gusto. “God I missed this! And good riddance! I don’t know if I could have spent a whole day with them.” She looks around for the street intersections — tries to place where they are. “So… you know where we’re going, right? And is it like… safe for someone like me? Because I’m kinda hungry — if you know what I mean.”

“You know, I think I do.” There’s teasing behind her sarcasm. Nadya jerks her head to the glossy black doors of the skyscraper they were dropped in front of. “Let’s get inside.”

Lily cranes her neck up and up with awe. Nadya, though — she’s grown familiar with the view. It’s even better up top.

The same security guard lazes around at the same desk. Stops not-so-sneakily watching The Crown and the Flame on his phone as Nadya approaches.

“Haven’t seen you in some time, Miss Al Jamil.”

“Hi Doug.” She greets back and offers her best and most innocent smile. “Would you hate me if I said I left my key at the office?”

Doug gives a jovial, if exasperated, sigh. “I could never hate you, dear. I just wish you’d be honest with me and say you lost it again so we can change the code. You know how she values her privacy.” He looks over his glasses at Lily with a trained, if borderline retired, scrutiny. “Can’t say I’ve ever met you before little lady but judgin’ by that hair your name is Lily.”

“Uh — yeah…?” Lily gives Nadya a wary look that makes the guard chuckle.

“Miss Al Jamil’s told me all about you. Next time you gotta go through the proper channels though, you know that.”

Nadya nods. “I promise. It was… a sort of last-minute thing. She’ll be okay with it.”

“Welp, still gotta have you sign her in.” He taps a clipboard on the ledge in front of him and Nadya hastily writes in Lily’s name. “You gals planning on going out before dawn?”

“Yeah—no thanks.” Lily seems positively disgusted at the thought.

Nadya elbows her gently. “No, but thank you for checking.”

Doug types up Lily’s name on the computer and hits a button on the underside of his large obsidian desk. Behind him the glass doors click and begin to open automatically. He tips his hat off to them.

“Have a good evening Miss Al Jamil, and friend Lily!”

“You too, pal.”

“See you tomorrow Doug.”

Once they’re clear of the lobby, elevator button alight and calling one down, Lily gives Nadya a light shove.

“Dude!”

“What? And ow!”

“I was sort of making fun of you when I went on about your fancy life but… dude.”

“This isn’t me. This is the people I know.”

Lily takes in the luxury of the atrium around them with awe she doesn’t even try to contain. “Still… it’s a step up from a broken fire escape ladder and homophobic neighbors.”

They enter the elevator together and Lily’s whistle when she hits the ‘P’ for penthouse doesn’t go unheard.

Her eyes flick upwards to the building name in large gold block-letters on the far wall. She holds the gaze of ‘AHMANET FINANCIAL’ until the doors close them off.

“Yeah, I guess.”

Gerard has the door open before she can even give Lily the low-down on what to expect.

She greets him with a wide and genuine smile; it quickly falters when she sees him hastily dab at his eyes with his pocket hanky.

“What’s wrong, are you okay?” She hovers her hands over his arms, doesn’t know how to help but wants to, and then finds herself in a crushing hug. He smells of fresh baking with just a hint of mothballs. Like how someone’s grandpa is supposed to smell in an ideal world.

“Forgive my impropriety, Miss,” his voice wavers both with emotion and his age, “I promised I’d hold myself intact. But seeing you unharmed after everything that happened…”

Nadya squeezes him tight. Didn’t know how much she needed the comforting touch of another human being after all that’s happened until that moment.

“I’m okay, Gerard. And I’m glad you’re okay, too.”

She introduces Lily — the butler looks ready to reaffirm his ‘stiff upper lip’ mentality but Lily doesn’t give him the chance and greets him in a hug of her own. She’s told him enough about how much she missed her friend that he doesn’t particularly mind.

“I only expected Miss Nadya here — but let me get you something to warm your bones.” Gerard pauses and shakes his head; laughs at himself. “Silly me. Well — you know what I mean.”

But when he goes to lead them into the kitchen Nadya stops — looks around the penthouse with haste to try and find some small indication Kamilah’s been there.

Stupid butler keeps everything spotless, though. No, she doesn’t think he’s stupid. But a little mess never hurt anyone.

Then a weathered hand on her shoulder makes her jump a mile.

“Lady Kamilah’s gone up for a swim,” Gerard whispers in her ear, “lots on her mind — you know how she can be.”

Nadya nods; resigns herself to waiting for Kamilah… again.

“I’ll give her some time then…”

But he stops her from turning around. Fixes Nadya with a stern look.

“I rather think you should go to her instead.”

“But —”

“Don’t worry about Miss Lily. She’s in good hands. You and Lady Kamilah need one another right now, I should think. Could do you both some good.”

She’d never say it — but she needs you, say Gerard’s eyes. Nadya finds herself hugging him again before rushing out the back balcony door and into the rain.

When she was thirteen Nadya’s mother forced her to go to a two-week sleepaway camp in the mountains. It was something her mom had done as a young girl with her sister, and something her cousins had been doing since they were old enough to beg for the chance.

Nadya was never an outdoors-y person though, and dreaded every hour of her summer up until the time when she was watching her mother drive down the gravel road; leaving her behind.

She learned a lot of things at that camp — all of them useless in the long run but seemed so vital and important while there. And she only looked forward to one thing: the pool. Unfortunately that summer—the summer of her thirteenth year—Colorado had never seen so much rain.

“Why can’t we go in when it’s raining?” Asked every girl in the same whining preteen voice.

And the counselors would always reply with the same stern tone of an adult. “Because it isn’t about the rain, it’s about the lightning. That would be quite a shock in the end!” And the adults would laugh at their glorious joke and move on to something else entirely.

But every time it rained, even when there wasn’t a bolt of lightning in sight, Nadya would lean against the windowsill of the dining cabin and stare at the pool with a sigh of longing.

Though the rain tries to diminish the bright city lights it only makes everything look glassy. It clings to Nadya’s glasses and runs down in trails — she has to squint to see but can make her way up well enough.

The sight of Kamilah laying spread-eagled on the dark surface of the pool reminds her of that camp; the rules of the water driven home in her skull.

“Kamilah!”

The woman’s hair spreads in inky tendrils just under the surface of the water. Nadya stands soaked to the bone and shivering yet Kamilah’s eternal beauty is as still as it is naked.

Nadya’s voice cracks when she calls out again. “Kamilah!”

Through the rain she thinks she might catch the vampire’s eyes opening but doesn’t have a chance to call out again. Suddenly there’s a hand around her throat and she’s pinned to the stone wall near the stairs.

The corner of the brick is sharp and digs into her back and the press of Kamilah’s grasp against her neck is a hundred lifetimes of pressure keeping her from breathing. She forces her eyes up; wants to take into her memory the sight of Kamilah’s bare body but what use will it have if she’s not alive to remember it?

Kamilah’s eyes are dark and hazy. She looks both at Nadya and through her. No fangs in sight. Her hair clings soaked to her shoulders.

When she tries to say Kamilah’s name again nothing comes out. She doesn’t choke — just simply can’t find the word. What is a name compared to the creature of beauty in front of her? Instead her words surprise even her.

“I’m here. It’s okay.”

Like a golem brought to life without a purpose Kamilah stares vacant. Her hand falls back to her side; allows Nadya to take a large gulp of air and taste the salt of the rain on her tongue.

“I’m here,” she repeats; doesn’t know where or how or if to touch Kamilah in her fragile state but if she’s right, if Kamilah’s having her own response to being thrust into the void with nothing to cling to, then she’ll risk her life a hundred times over to stop her from falling.

Nadya delicately cups Kamilah’s cheeks. The rain looks like teardrops falling down her curved expression. Nadya knows better. “I’m here,” again, “I’m here… I’m here for you I swear. I’m not going anywhere ever again a-and I’m… I’m here Kamilah so—so please just… just know I’ve got you. I’ve got you — I’ve got you.”

The first time she kisses Kamilah it’s not like any of her dreams at all. Taking into account some of her more recent nightmares though… well it’s bittersweet.

It’s like kissing a statue — cradling the Venus de Milo in her hands and hoping she might have the magical affinity to turn the marble into flesh. She doesn’t stop — hopes she’s doing the right thing somewhere in the back of her mind.

Hopes—prays—that she’s right. That the rain is only acting as a curtain. That Kamilah might feel the sa—

The stone melts away and soft lips begin to kiss back. First with gentle touches. Trying to understand what’s happening, who they are — discovering something for the first time in thousands of years.

Like a waltz Kamilah steps back and Nadya moves with her — desperate to seek out her mouth, her taste. And to get away from the brick digging into her back.

Her hands rest chastely on the vampire’s bare hips. Electricity sparking in every touch and threatening to gather its own thundercloud over their heads.

This time when their eyes meet she knows Kamilah is looking at her. Not just that — but deep into her soul with that slight tick in her perfect brow and those plush lips turned down. Confusion, retaliation, denial beginning to bubble up to the surface.

Nadya doesn’t think she’d be able to survive Kamilah retreating. Her heart couldn’t take it.

“I’m here.” She whispers; a final plea. I’m here. See me. Have me. I’m yours.

Kamilah’s reply is almost lost in the howling wind.

“If you truly knew what you’re asking for…”

“Stop —” she pushes a rain-slicked palm across Kamilah’s head to move her hair out of her eyes, “— don’t. I’m here, that’s all. I’m here.”

There’s rueful regret in the way Kamilah’s expression softens — in the way her eyes roam over Nadya’s desperate face to try and latch onto one single speck of hesitation or regret and use it as a way to push them apart.

She doesn’t find any. So she leans forward and meets their lips. Marble on flesh, eternity on youth. Nadya doesn’t spare a thought to yielding.

The path back to the penthouse is a struggle not only because Nadya is clumsy even when she’s paying attention but also because sometimes movement requires pulling away — and neither of them can be fussed with a concept so awful — so impossible. Now that they’ve discovered what it feels like to kiss one another they have the same singular thought that means they have to catch up on every time they could have—should have, would have—done this before.

At this rate it might be more than Nadya’s oxygen-starved brain can handle. She’s okay with that.

Then her clothes go from sopping wet and a mild nuisance to utterly please-get-off-me and Kamilah, somehow developing a psychic tendency between the pool and the doorway, agrees. Tears her shirt quite literally off except for one lone short sleeve.

Well as long as it isn’t in the way.

The same strong grip finds her jeans and Nadya finds enough of herself to reach down and cover those hands with her own. “C-Carefu—hh,” she tries; can’t exactly manage to speak with the way Kamilah intends to suck her soul out through her mouth. But the point is made; because when her zipper catches on soaked-through denim Kamilah rips it hard enough for the clink of metal to sound off in the distance.

Nadya fumbles for purchase on anything when Kamilah’s cold hands dig into her bottoms. Find the scalding heat between her folds and drag the soft tips of her nails along Nadya’s clit. It’s too much unreleased tension at once for Nadya to even think about trying to keep her voice down but there Kamilah is ready to drink up every decibel like the best wine in the world.

The door jamb digs into her back; makes Nadya arch her spine as much as she can with a whine of complaint — until there’s no doorway under her hand, rather a pillow instead, and the soft press of a mattress bends with her and takes Nadya from Cloud Nine to Heaven itself.

Three miracles happen at once.

The first is a crack of lightning against the window-wall of Nadya’s room. Gerard’s kept the curtains pulled back — knows she likes seeing the city at night to help her fall asleep. The brightness blinds her now but who needs sight when she can feel—touch—taste all that’s atop her.

The second is the tentative exploration and press of Kamilah’s fingers inside her. Cold as ice yet slick with her arousal Nadya keens loud, unabashed. Suddenly wishes she hadn’t said a thing about the jeans because they’re too tight—too cold—they need to be gone.

And the third scares her; Kamilah pulling away and the rush of air in her lungs making her dizzy but the vampiress holds herself just out of reach of a ravishing. She looks down at her prone, human form and suddenly Nadya wants to cover up — hide in the darkness and away from the omniscient quality of Kamilah’s eyes. She can see herself reflected back in them and she looks…

With a cocked head Kamilah crooks one finger inside her and Nadya stops caring what she looks like. Settles instead on how incomparable this right here is to any ridiculous notion her imagination may have had before because the real thing is leagues better. Leagues.

With desperate, high-pitched noises Nadya tries to shimmy her hips on the bedspread. Either to strip or encourage Kamilah to keep with the ripping of the clothes.

She doesn’t. Just bends her other finger and draws a lazy circle with the pad of her thumb that Nadya weeps for.

Time might keep going around them but it certainly doesn’t mean a whole lot. The world outside the confines of the bed, through the door and out of the building where Adrian isn’t safe and her friends mourn their losses and plotters of evil lurk in the shadows — it surrounds them and it’s still important but it just doesn't seem to matter.

Not when the dexterous goddess above her maneuvers a third finger in the continued pursuit of exploring all the ways to drive Nadya absolutely wild.

Kamilah’s nail scrapes along her clit again — sends shocks of pleasure-bordered-pain that she would howl into the air above them if familiar lips weren’t suddenly suffocating her.

Oh my god oh my god ohmygod — Is she saying it out loud? Does it really matter? Because Kamilah isn’t stopping and Nadya doesn’t want her to stop — not ever. Wants the rest of her life to be frozen in this exact moment in time until Death comes a-knocking.

She’s digging her fingertips into Kamilah’s back; writhing underneath her with wordless sounds and the imprint of lightning behind her closed eyelids. Everything hurts only because it’s too much and that’s the best way to be.

Slowly Kamilah peels her lips away — replaces it with a steady but soft grip on Nadya’s jaw. Her forefinger strokes along the damp curve of her human cheek.

Nadya tries not to think about the vulnerability of the moment. Of how Kamilah can see her clear as day yet she has to squint in the black to try and make out the woman’s expression — to know if she’s doing something right.

Don’t grow tired after this… Don’t become bored of me.

The hand tilts Nadya’s jaw. Urges her to the side to expose the pounding veins in her neck.

There’s a small bit of rational Nadya left in her brain and she sets off the bells and whistles while screaming with a bullhorn. Stop! Danger! Alert! Vampire!! VAMPIRE!!! She doesn’t know whether it wants her to stop or to get Kamilah to stop but it nearly wins — nearly convinces her to take a metaphorical step back and turn back to better things like kissing. Kissing was excellent.

Instead, and in contrast to everything safe, she holds her breath — closes her eyes. Lets Kamilah take the lead (like she hasn’t been already?) because not only does she deserve to be eaten if this is what everything has been leading to but she trusts the woman above her.

She trusts her with her blood. With her life.

Despite the pool of molten pleasure she’s drowning in Nadya can’t help but tense when Kamilah descends on her neck. Readies herself the only way she knows how — thinks of all the times she’s had shots or stitches in her life and tries to put them all together at once and imagines that is what being bitten by a vampire feels like.

Being bitten by a vampire feels extremely soft, actually. Then she realizes she’s not being bitten at all but instead just kissed somewhere new.

Her pulse thunders under Kamilah’s lips; trying to stop it only makes her heart race faster, her blood pump harder. Then there’s a hot breath and warm scrape that makes her cringe but Kamilah’s teeth stay blunt on her skin. The warmth of her tongue drags along goosebumps and makes Nadya briefly consider passing out to stop herself from having the opportunity to do something embarrassing.

Below her belt Kamilah’s fingers begin to move faster. Slick and sticky; warmed to the inside of Nadya’s body and eager for something very nearly in sight. She trails kisses mouthed along the human’s sweaty neck. There’s something building up inside her — but doesn’t that something mean there might be an end?

God, please never let this end. Please.

Faster and faster — there’s no way a human would be able to match that speed and if she could form words she’d accuse Kamilah of cheating. Lucky for her Nadya can’t form words. Legs trembling in oscillating waves; so violent she’s fearful of actually kicking the woman then in such small movements her muscles strain with the effort.

Kamilah’s lips stop at their goal. Playfully nip the lobe of Nadya’s ear before she noses the shell with a cat-like purr.

Desperately Nadya tries to turn her head, feels that something with one foot off of the cliff; wants to see the look in Kamilah’s eyes — or vice versa.

She’s one strangled breath away from begging for the woman’s attention when there’s a sigh in her ear. Kamilah’s voice is dark and somehow forbidden. It rasps heavy on her heart and brings up a literal geyser of emotions — all wordless in nature — that lock her limbs and god they hurt but she never wants them to go away.

“I’m here,” whispers Kamilah, “I’ve got you.”

Yes, Nadya has cried more in the last few days then she has in her entire life and yes she’s pretty tired of it. But when she literally sobs her release with shuddering hips and thighs clenching around Kamilah’s hand she doesn’t mind one bit.

Doesn’t mind the light, torturous way the woman peppers kisses down her neck to her heart hammering between her sweat-slicked breasts and kisses there, too. Right on the flat of her sternum. Piercing it like a knife to the heart.

Kamilah rides her through her orgasm like she’s taming a beast — shushes Nadya’s fumbled failed attempts at words and caresses her soaked hair with a free hand. Playfully (maybe, because there has to be some torture technique achingly similar and if anyone would know it, Kamilah would) flicks Nadya’s clit with lazy strokes of her thumb until it’s no longer an aftershock but the pain of going too hard for too long and being too exhausted to get the good things going.

When Kamilah speaks again the calm demand of her tone is gone; replaced by something that maybe—possibly—once upon a time could have been called affection.

Even now—especially now—she’s just not sure.

“I’ve got you, Nadya.”

Like a trigger pulled exhaustion falls down on her chest in a weight. Makes it hard to breathe, think, do anything other than curl into herself as tightly as she can and press against Kamilah’s solid presence.

Something that sounds vaguely like “stay” rolls off her tongue tasting of heavy cotton. Kamilah shushes her and mindlessly Nadya obeys.

“I’m here…”

The dark that claims her is warm; inviting.

Kamilah kisses her forehead.

“I’ve got you.”

#bloodbound #kamilah x mc #kamilah sayeed #playchoices fanfiction #playchoices #bloodbound mc #lily spencer #jax matsuo #mc: nadya al jamil #oc: maricruz espinoza #oc: isseya #oc: valdas #oblv: bound by destiny #oblv: new chapter

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fritopaws · 5 years

Text

50 Lessons

I can think of two specific times in the last decade that may qualify as being the worst of my 40s. There are a lot more than these two, but these stick out in my mind.

One is when I was in a wheelchair at a stroke rehab center. I had to pee really badly, and I pressed the call button. We were not supposed to try to go by ourselves. I was in a wheelchair next to my bed. I waited several minutes and pushed it again. Nobody came. By the time my wife and mom walked into my room for my daily visit, I was sitting in a puddle and had to be changed like a baby.

The other time, years earlier, also took place in a hospital. After my first stroke. I was on the neuro ward in a hospital far from my home. I was just allowed to get out of bed after several days. My wife had escorted me down the hall. We passed a bathroom and I hadn’t gone since I’d been admitted. We spent a while in the bathroom, and my wife put on a glove. She had to help me go. I’ll leave it at that.

Those were some pretty shitty times. But I learned a few things…..

Just kidding. I didn’t learn anything really, by either experience. They just really sucked.

It pisses me off that my 40s were marked by two medical emergencies - two strokes. Especially because, at least the first one, was a result of something that happened TO me. A massage therapist had taken it upon herself to manipulate my neck. She twisted and forcefully moved it. As a result, a large artery was dissected (torn on the inside lining) and four days later, a blood clot hit my brain. I was left with hearing loss in one ear, some slight nerve damage and weakness on my left side, and an eyebrow that no longer can be raised sarcastically. It’s a bit like having botox on one side of my face. When I’m older, one side of my forehead will be smoother than the other. Just something fun to look forward to.

The second time, a year and a half later, may or may not have been related to the first. Several things had happened and it was the perfect storm. I had played tennis and the motion you make when you serve...up and back, over and over again… not the best for that artery. Nobody had warned me about certain movements. Later that day I hyperextended my neck while in a kayak - long story, but I was trying to get my dad back to shore because he had fallen off a rock and I had to get him to an emergency room. Again, four days later, I had a stroke. My artery had dissected again.

The odds of Vertebral Artery Dissection (VAD) strokes happening to someone more than once in ten years is like 1%. I guess I “won” the stroke lottery.

This time, I had to spend 10 days at a stroke rehab center. This one was harder on my body. And my mind. It felt like my brain had been kicked.

My left side was paralyzed. Luckily, my motion started returning within a few days. I worked my ass off in rehab. I was determined to impress the therapists. They were actually pretty excited to work with someone in their forties and they seemed just as motivated as I was to see how much I could improve while at the center.

My brain was also coming back, but it rocked me to my core to have my cognition dinged. It’s hard for me to try to describe what it felt like, but it was as if my brain was a step behind reality, and it was trying to catch up.Things were moving too fast, and my brain was scrambling to get back to “normal.”

My wife and mom (who stayed for a month) made me do things like go to restaurants and the movies. All I really wanted to do was sit on the couch and watch TV. Looking at a menu was overwhelming. I didn’t want to embarrass myself by hesitating on words when I ordered food so I asked others to do it. I felt like everyone was staring at me. I was walking with a cane at this point. I felt like people were whispering, “what is wrong with her?”

I cried. All the time. I had no control over it. Part of this was from the brain damage. Some of it was from being pissed, sad, scared, and upset that I had had another stroke and I didn’t know if, mentally and physically, I would fully recover. That’s the thing about strokes - they are all different. Nobody could tell me that I would be okay. That I wouldn’t have a lasting foot drop, if my hand would fully open, if I would be able to work, drive, think clearly again. They asked me if I was suicidal, and I told them no. But to tell you the truth, I had flashes of not wanting to live. It was very confusing. My brain wasn’t right, my body was broken, I didn’t want any of it.

Lyrics from Neko Case’s “Where Did I Leave That Fire” constantly ran through my head: “I wanted so badly not to be me | I wanted so badly not to be me.” That was exactly what I felt like. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want this. There was nothing I could do then, but wait, recover, sleep, work hard at rehab, cry, watch my hand come back to life. I can truly say that I hated my life at this time. I wanted to turn the clock back. I wouldn’t have played tennis, I wouldn’t have twisted my neck in the kayak.

That album had come out when I was home, still on medical leave, and we had tickets for the concert in the city. We went to the show. My friends gathered around me so that nobody would bump into me. I thought I’d break down in tears, but I didn’t. It was a benchmark moment.

I spent a lot of time with friends during the next few months. I had standing dates during the week with a few of them. They got me out of the house. We did “normal” things like go to lunch. We did fun things like mini-golf. One friend of mine drove me to community acupuncture every day. I got better. I stopped crying all of the time. I went back to work. I got on with life. We bought a house.

So, what’s my point? My point is, Crazy Shit Happens. It is my mantra, my philosophy, my core belief.

I didn’t want my 40s to be filled with these type of memories. But, here we are.

As I move into my 50s, I don’t take any special knowledge, any secrets to life, any certain learnings with me. I take some shitty memories and some awesome memories.

When I was in stroke rehab, an older gentleman said, about his stroke, “God wanted this to happen to me.” Well, I couldn’t disagree more. First of all, I don’t believe in God, and secondly, if there was a God, why would he do something so utterly fucked up?

In the last ten years, I’ve gotten married, gone to Thailand, had several jobs (most of them not great), have had a forever-dog pass and break my heart, have rescued a few cat friends, and have spent some really great times with my sweet angel dog... watching her get older too. I’ve marched with a million women in Washington, had breakfast with my favorite musician, have seen a baby being born, and have sipped wine on a hilltop in Napa. I’ve lived this life fully, shitty parts and all.

I don’t have 50 lessons. I thought I might, but I don’t. I have a story to share, with no lesson attached. Not even one. In fact, I just quit my job and have no idea what I’m going to do next. I just want it to be good. I want my 50s to blow my 40s away, IN A GOOD WAY. I want to be that gray-haired lady in checkboard Vans that people think is slightly odd but quite nice. I want to be smarter and funnier. I want to do work I enjoy so much I don’t watch a clock or wish I was doing something else. I want to have a few lessons to share when I’m 60.

By the way, I still cry a lot. But these days, I blame deepness, not sadness.

And, if you have any thoughts on what I should do with the rest of my life, let me know.

#strokesurvivor #50YearsOld

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theadmiringbog · 6 years

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Measuring the strength of a workplace can be simplified to twelve questions.

These twelve questions don’t capture everything you may want to know about your workplace, but they do capture the most information and the most important information. They measure the core elements needed to attract, focus, and keep the most talented employees.

Here they are:

1. Do I know what is expected of me at work?

2. Do I have the materials and equipment I need to do my work right?

3. At work, do I have the opportunity to do what I do best every day?

4. In the last seven days, have I received recognition or praise for doing good work?

5. Does my supervisor, or someone at work, seem to care about me as a person?

6. Is there someone at work who encourages my development?

7. At work, do my opinions seem to count?

8. Does the mission/purpose of my company make me feel my job is important?

9. Are my co-workers committed to doing quality work?

10. Do I have a best friend at work?

11. In the last six months, has someone at work talked to me about my progress?

12. This last year, have I had opportunities at work to learn and grow?

In 1975 two hundred books were published on the subject of managing and leading. By 1997 that number had more than tripled. In fact, over the last twenty years authors have offered up over nine thousand different systems, languages, principles, and paradigms to help explain the mysteries of management and leadership.

Great managers reject this out of hand. They remember what the frog forgot: that each individual, like the scorpion, is true to his unique nature. They recognize that each person is motivated differently, that each person has his own way of thinking and his own style of relating to others. They know that there is a limit to how much remolding they can do to someone. But they don’t bemoan these differences and try to grind them down. Instead they capitalize on them. They try to help each person become more and more of who he already is.

this is the one insight we heard echoed by tens of thousands of great managers: People don’t change that much. Don’t waste time trying to put in what was left out. Try to draw out what was left in. That is hard enough.

This insight is revolutionary. It explains why great managers do not believe that everyone has unlimited potential; why they do not help people fix their weaknesses; why they insist on breaking the “Golden Rule” with every single employee; and why they play favorites. It explains why great managers break all the rules of conventional wisdom.

a manager must be able to do four activities extremely well: select a person, set expectations, motivate the person, develop the person. These four activities are the manager’s most important responsibilities.

you must know how much of a person you can change. You must know the difference between talent, skills, and knowledge.

You must know which of these can be taught and which can only be hired in.

When selecting someone, they select for talent … not simply experience, intelligence, or determination. • When setting expectations, they define the right outcomes … not the right steps. • When motivating someone, they focus on strengths … not on weaknesses. • When developing someone, they help him find the right fit … not simply the next rung on the ladder. We’ve labeled

talent as “a recurring pattern of thought, feeling, or behavior that can be productively applied.” The emphasis here is on the word “recurring.” Your talents, they say, are the behaviors you find yourself doing often.

Your filter, more than your race, sex, age, or nationality, is You.

Skills, knowledge, and talents are distinct elements of a person’s performance. The distinction among the three is that skills and knowledge can easily be taught, whereas talents cannot.

Skills are the how-to’s of a role.

Your knowledge is simply “what you are aware of.” There are two kinds of knowledge: factual knowledge — things you know; and experiential knowledge — understandings you have picked up along the way.

Talents are different phenomena altogether. Talents are the four-lane highways in your mind, those that carve your recurring patterns of thought, feeling, or behavior.

we have found a way to simplify these diverse talents into three basic categories: striving talents, thinking talents, and relating talents.

Striving talents explain the why of a person. They explain why he gets out of bed every day, why he is motivated to push and push just that little bit harder.

Thinking talents explain the how of a person. They explain how he thinks, how he weighs up alternatives, how he comes to his decisions.

Relating talents explain the who of a person. They explain whom he trusts, whom he builds relationships with, whom he confronts, and whom he ignores.

A manager can never breathe motivational life into someone else. All she can do is try to identify each employee’s striving four-lane highways and then, as far as is possible, cultivate these.

In the minds of great managers, every role performed at excellence deserves respect. Every role has its own nobility.

Selecting for talent is the manager’s first and most important responsibility.

talent is only potential. This potential cannot be turned into performance in a vacuum. Great talents need great managers if they are to be turned into performance.

So this is their dilemma: The manager must retain control and focus people on performance. But she is bound by her belief that she cannot force everyone to perform in the same way. The solution is as elegant as it is efficient: Define the right outcomes and then let each person find his own route toward those outcomes.

Any attempt to impose the “one best way” is doomed to fail. First, it is inefficient — the “one best way” has to fight against the unique, grooved four-lane highways possessed by each individual. Second, it is demeaning — by providing all the answers, it prevents each individual from perfecting and taking responsibility for her own style. Third, it kills learning — every time you make a rule you take away a choice, and choice, with all of its illuminating repercussions, is the fuel for learning.

Bran Ferren, executive vice president of research and development at Walt Disney Imagineering, describes it: “Vibrant companies must put together five-year plans. But they must be willing to change these five-year plans every single year. It’s the only way to stay alive.”

that persistence focused primarily on nontalents is wasted.

But it does mean that great managers are aggressive in trying to identify each person’s talents and help her to cultivate those talents. This is how they do it: They believe that casting is everything. They manage by exception. And they spend the most time with their best people.

The best managers are more deliberate. They talk with each individual, asking about strengths, weaknesses, goals, and dreams. They work closely with each employee, taking note of the choices each makes, the way they all interact, who supports who, and why. They notice things. They take their time, because they know that the surest way to identify each person’s talents is to watch his or her behavior over time.

Ask your employee about her goals: What are you shooting for in your current role? Where do you see your career heading? What personal goals would you feel comfortable sharing with me? How often do you want to meet to talk about your progress?

Feel her out about her taste in praise: does she seem to like public recognition or private? Written or verbal? Who is her best audience? It can be very effective to ask her to tell you about the most meaningful recognition she has ever received. Find out what made it so memorable. Also ask her about her relationship with you. Can she tell you how she learns? You might inquire whether she has ever had any mentors or partners who have helped her. How did they help?

they are not fixing or correcting or instructing. Instead they are racking their brains, trying to figure out better and better ways to unleash that employee’s distinct talents:

They strive to carve out a unique set of expectations that will stretch and focus each particular individual;

They try to highlight and perfect each person’s unique style. They draw his attention to it. They help him understand why it works for him and how to perfect it. That’s

And they plot how they, the manager, can run interference for each employee, so that each can exercise his or her talents even more freely.

You cannot learn very much about excellence from studying failure.

The point of this time and attention is not to evaluate or monitor. The point is, as one sales manager put it, “to run a tape recorder in my head, so that back in my office I can replay it, dissect it, understand what happened and why it worked.” Like other great managers, you need to keep that tape recorder running.

Don’t use average to estimate the limits of excellence.

top performers, like Jean P., have the most potential for growth.

The most straightforward causes of an employee’s poor performance are the “mechanical” causes — perhaps the company is not providing him with the tools or the information he needs; and the “personal” causes — perhaps she is still grieving from a recent death in the family. As a manager, if you are confronted with poor performance, look first to these two causes. Both

The great manager begins by asking two questions. First, is the poor performance trainable?

The second question great managers ask is this: Is the nonperformance caused by the manager himself tripping the wrong trigger?

Great managers don’t. As soon as they realize that a weakness is causing the poor performance, they switch their approach. They know that there are only three possible routes to helping the person succeed. Devise a support system. Find a complementary partner. Or find an alternative role. Great managers quickly bear down, weigh these options, and choose the best route.

Her weakness is irrelevant; it is now a nontalent.

conventional wisdom views individual specialization as the antithesis of teamwork, great managers see it as the founding principle.

You will have to manage around the weaknesses of each and every employee. But if, with one particular employee, you find yourself spending most of your time managing around weaknesses, then know that you have made a casting error. At this point it is time to fix the casting error and to stop trying to fix the person.

In 1969, in his book, The Peter Principle, Laurence Peter warned us that if we followed this path without question, we would wind up promoting each person to his level of incompetence.

Some roles performed excellently are more valuable than roles higher up the ladder performed averagely. An excellent flight attendant is probably more valuable

management, which, to be frank, he struggled at. So together we decided to create a new position: master engineer. Michael would be a roving genius, getting involved in only the most complex projects. He would also be the main resource, and the last word, on all engineering problems any of the other teams faced. And he would be freed from any manager responsibilities at all. I decreed that this was a vice president-level job, got the okay from personnel, and then promoted him. I can’t think of when I’ve made an employee happier.”

When told that an employee was consistently showing up late for work, the great managers gave this one reply, which sums up their attitude toward manager-employee relationships: “I would ask why.”

in answer to the question “What level of performance is unacceptable?” these managers reply, “Any level that hovers around average with no trend upward.”

In answer to the question “How long at that level is too long?” great managers reply, “Not very long.”

Casting errors are inevitable.

They use language like “This isn’t a fit for you, let’s talk about why” or “You need to find a role that plays more to your natural strengths. What do you think that role might be?” They use this language not because it is polite, not because it softens the bad news, but because it is true.

Gary, an enormously successful entrepreneur, six-time winner of the Queens Award for Industry, brought in one of his factory managers one evening and told him, “Come in, sit down, I love you; you’re fired; I still love you. Now, get a drink and let’s talk this through.”

questions like “Tell me about a time when you …” can serve you well.

These four characteristics — simplicity, frequent interaction, focus on the future, and self-tracking — are the foundation for a successful “performance management” routine.

The Strengths Interview At the beginning of each year, or a week or two after the person has been hired, spend about an hour with him asking the following ten questions: Q.1 What did you enjoy most about your previous work experience? What brought you here? (If an existing employee) What keeps you here? Q.2 What do you think your strengths are? (skills, knowledge, talent) Q.3 What about your weaknesses? Q.4 What are your goals for your current role? (Ask for scores and timelines) Q.5 How often do you like to meet with me to discuss your progress? Are you the kind of person who will tell me how you are feeling, or will I have to ask? Q.6 Do you have any personal goals or commitment you would like to tell me about? Q.7 What is the best praise you have ever received? What made it so good? Q.8 Have you had any really productive partnerships or mentors? Why do you think these relationships worked so well for you? Q.9 What are your future growth goals, your career goals? Are there any particular skills you want to learn? Are there some specific challenges you want to experience? How can I help? Q.10 Is there anything else you want to talk about that might help us work well together?

The Performance Planning Meetings To help him prepare, ask him to write down answers to these three questions before each meeting: A. What actions have you taken? These should be the details of his performance over the last three months. He should include scores, rankings, ratings, and timelines, if available. B. What discoveries have you made? These discoveries might be in the form of training classes he attended, or they might simply be new insights derived from an internal presentation he made, or a job-shadowing session in which he participated, or even a book that he read. Wherever they came from, encourage him to keep track of his own learning. C. What partnerships have you built? These partnerships are the relationships he has formed. They might be new relationships or the strengthening of existing relationships. They might be relationships with colleagues or clients, professional relationships or personal ones. It is up to him to decide. Whatever he decides, it is important that he take responsibility for building his constituency, inside and outside the company.

After about ten minutes direct the conversation toward the future, drawing on the following questions: D. What is your main focus? What is his primary goal(s) for the next three months? E. What new discoveries are you planning? What specific discoveries is he hoping to make over the next three months? F. What new partnerships are you hoping to build? How is he planning to grow his constituency over the next three months?

After another three months have elapsed, ask him to write down his answers to A, B, and C, and once again, at your second performance planning meeting, ask him these three questions and use his answers to spur discussion about his performance. Then quickly move into a discussion about the future and ask him D, E, and F — once again, it will be helpful if you and he write down

You can use these five career discovery questions, at different times, to prompt his thinking: Q.1 How would you describe success in your current role? Can you measure it? Here is what I think. (Add your own comments.) Q.2 What do you actually do that makes you as good as you are? What does this tell you about your skills, knowledge, and talents? Here is what I think. (Add your own comments.) Q.3 Which part of your current role do you enjoy the most? Why? Q.4 Which part of your current role are you struggling with? What does this tell you about your skills, knowledge, and talent? What can we do to manage around this? Training? Positioning? Support system? Partnering? Q.5 What would be the perfect role for you? Imagine you are in that role. It’s three p.m. on a Thursday. What are you doing? Why would you like it so much? Here is what I think. (Add your own comments.) These questions, scattered

This is what great managers expect of every talented employee: • Look in the mirror any chance you get. Use any feedback tools provided by the company to increase your understanding of who you are and how others perceive you. • Muse. Sit down for twenty or thirty minutes each month and play the last few weeks back in your mind. What did you accomplish? What did you learn? What did you hate? What did you love? What does all of this say about you and your talents? • Discover yourself. Over time, become more detailed in your description of your skills, knowledge, and talents. Use this increasingly deep understanding to volunteer for the right roles, to be a better partner, to guide your training and development choices. • Build your constituency. Over time, identify which kinds of relationships tend to work well for you. Seek them out. • Keep track. Build your own record of your learnings and discoveries. • Catch your peers doing something right. When you enter your place of work, you never leave it at zero. You either make it a little better or a little worse. Make it a little better.

As much as is possible, define every role using outcome terms. • Find a way to rate, rank, or count as many of those outcomes as possible. Measurement always improves performance. • The four most important emotional

Hold managers accountable for their employees’ responses to the twelve questions presented in chapter 1. These twelve questions are a very important outcome measure.

#First Break All the Rules #books

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coachingreviewsite · 5 years

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What Everyone Ought To Know About FEELING BETTER TO BE BETTER

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/what-everyone-ought-to-know-about-feeling-better-to-be-better/

What Everyone Ought To Know About FEELING BETTER TO BE BETTER

As fun as planning to re-work your own life may seem, it is a very important to make positive changes so that you can live healthier and happier. You can free your life up of what cause you problems and can work towards being a better person. These tips below can help you start.

Stress and happiness do not go together. When we are stressed out, it harms us mentally and physically. All of us need to have clear, relaxed thinking to enable us to plan and execute our life's purpose, and this only happens when we let go of stressful thoughts. Set aside a period of time each day when you can be alone, clear your thoughts, and completely relax. Having this time every day can make you more peaceful and happy with yourself.

Great resources for overall personal development are books. Books can be audio, print or digital versions. The information contained in these sources will not only provide you with motivational quotes and tips, but also inspire you to take control of your situation and have you on your way to feeling more fulfilled and in tune with your emotions and behaviors.

When you are trying to better yourself, set a deadline. Decide how long you will need to make up your mind and stick to that time-frame. How much time do you need to reflect and gather information? When you decide, set your deadline and tell your self that you are ready to live a better life.

5 Parenting Tips to Raise Your Children for Success

www.jackcanfield.com

"Success is no accident, it takes hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do. For parents, success is something that children should be encouraged to achieve. However, in order for children to be successful, they must first be given the tools and habits Read More The post 5 Parenting Tips to Raise Your Children for Success appeared first on America's Leading Authority On Creating Success And Personal Fulfillment – Jack Canfield." https://www.jackcanfield.com/blog/parenting-tips/

Keep a change of comfortable clothes and shoes in your vehicle. That way you can always dart into a public restroom and change into something more comfortable after that hectic day at work. Who knows? You might even be inspired to stop by the park and take a walk if you have appropriate clothing on hand.

Schedule time for your personal development to make sure it does not get lost in the chaos of daily activities. Developing yourself takes effort and commitment and deliberately scheduling time for development activities gives them the importance they deserve. Whether you schedule short blocks or longer ones, the key is to make your personal development a documented priority.

Realize the trade-offs of saying yes to people. Every time you say yes to one thing, you are, without speaking, saying no to many other things. When you give time to one thing, you take it away from other activities you could have done. Choose to say yes to the right goals in your life and you will automatically be saying no to the less important things.

Ask your friends and family for honest, positive feedback on your character. Earnestly requesting feedback is much different from simply fishing for compliments. Explain that you need help discovering things about yourself that make you a good friend, or what you could work on to become a more reliable and supportive friend.

Learn to trust in yourself. If you can find a way to believe in yourself, you are sure to find more success in your life. If you know and believe in the potential that you have to succeed in life, you will find it easier to meet the goals that you have set for yourself.

Harnessing Self-Compassion and Altruistic Behavior Improves Quality of Life

www.pickthebrain.com

"You're reading Harnessing Self-Compassion and Altruistic Behavior Improves Quality of Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you're enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

For centuries, people have contemplated and argued over the merits and flaws of the human condition. Philosophers and psychologists have theoretically and scientifically dissected elements of the human psyche to get a better understanding of who we are as a species, and why we do what we do.

While much focus has been given to negative aspects of personal choices, I thought to put this discussion on an upswing through positivity by focusing on self-compassion and altruistic behavior.

Self-Worth May Come from the Outside In

More than ever, it’s become difficult to acquire self-awareness without partnering in self-defeating thoughts and misperceptions. True, in part, we are all a result of where we come from, what we’ve experienced, and the meaning we put behind it individually and collectively. Additionally, social media and the quest for being seen and heard instantaneously put added pressure on being our best, whether real or through a Facebook filter.

Responding to Others’ Plight

When considering how we represent ourselves to others, those we know as well as those we’ve yet to meet, research has shown that compassion towards others weighs heavy. When a person readily shows kindness to another, it is one of the most coveted and desired traits. But is this an attribute people are born with or acquire?

Caring Is Influenced by Early Environment

Studies have shown that humans and animals may be prewired for compassion. Think about when you’re feeling down or upset about something. If you have a household pet, a dog, reflect on how many times he or she somehow knew you needed comfort and came to your side for a nuzzle or a hug. Similarly, it’s hard to shake off the feeling of seeing emotional or physical pain in someone else.

Yet, why can some people turn a blind eye to a homeless person on a street corner in need of food or water, for example, while others possess the desire to help? The art of giving can be compartmentalized into two separate cause-and-effects:

The desire to make someone else feel good without the expectation of anything in return, or The intent to help another and receive a reward for doing so.

Is one way of giving any more or less effective than the other? It may come down to the benefits each provides the person doing the giving.

Altruism Can Be Different than Compassion

Many people can exhibit empathy towards others without actually taking action. Ask yourself this question: The last time you encountered a homeless person, did you feel badly for them, give them what they needed in material things, or have someone else provide them sustenance on your behalf (on your dollar)? Compassion is that emotional connection we have and exhibit, related to another’s feelings or situation and, the authentic desire to provide help to ease someone else’s suffering.

If a homeless person tugs on your heart strings, you exhibit empathy or the ability to take on what another person is feeling. Should you want to take action and provide them a meal or a room to sleep, that is known as altruism. Although altruism connects empathy or compassion with feeling, it transcends it through action that will positively impact the person or entity on the receiving end.

But can a person engage in altruism without taking credit for it? Absolutely. Altruism is all about doing something for the greater good. For example, providing an anonymous monetary or other type of donation to a person or a cause is a form of altruism. Just as any other action is often a learned response to something, altruism can be taught—so too, can compassion.

The Culture of Compassion Starts by Practicing Self Love

At some point in your lifetime, you may have heard a friend muse the following sentiment: “If you don’t take care of you, how can you effectively take care of someone else?” This is often evident in the case of family. I would know. I remember the anguish in witnessing my younger brother fall from the limelight due to drug addiction, before he finally received proper treatment and manage his opioid withdrawal symptoms using the Bridge Device.

When one member is going through a hard time, others will often sacrifice something of themselves to care for the one hurting. While this is noble and in the moment perceived as necessary, in the long term, it might bring about more harm. But by practicing self-compassion day-to-day, it puts each person in the position of loving oneself and honoring each aspect of their existence: mind, body and soul.

In doing so, we are practicing a heightened level of consciousness and with it, are more available to exercise compassion to others. But there’s an instinctive side to compassion as well.

Paying It Forward, Squared

Renowned naturalist Charles Darwin said this of the human race and survival of the fittest : “The greater strength of the social or maternal instincts than that of any other instinct or motive.” He also held firm that the communities made up of the most sympathetic individuals would do better, as a whole, than others and continue onward.

To take this into your own life, consider the impact you can make, simply by performing one random act of kindness each day. Now, what if the person on the receiving end of your graciousness would do the same for someone else? And so on. And so on.

How long would it take for these acts of humanity to heal your family, your circle of friends, your community, your city, and reach global proportion? Treating the world in kind begins with you.

Self-Love Is Essential to Emotional Survival

Neuroscientists at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) have long been involved in the study of how the brain responds to compassion, specifically in the act of giving and receiving. Whether you are engaging in helping someone else or receiving the help, the brain’s pleasure/reward center ignites during the process. A flood of wonderful feel-good hormones is released to our internal systems, boosting emotional and physical wellbeing.

Yet, many continue to take in unhealthy sources to elicit our natural pleasure responses such as medications, alcohol, illegal drugs, junk foods, gaming, gambling, and more that certainly don’t support emotional and physical balance in oneself or others.

Removing Judgement

Understanding and accepting personal flaws and transgressions, as well as bodily imperfections, is difficult as society bombards us with messages that dictate what we should be and how much we fall short.

A crucial part of self-love and self-compassion is to remove the self-judgment that shrouds the way we view ourselves. Once you are able to hone the ability to keep judgment from derailing personal confidence, the time spent judging others will also fall away leaving more opportunity for compassion to arise.

The Courage to Be Vulnerable

One of the many repercussions of living in self-judgment is that it allows us to keep a barrier within, keeping emotions at arm’s length from our intelligence. A mind-to-soul disconnect then exists. Not only does this prevent a knowing and accepting of whom each of us is, but also from being open to true self-expression and reciprocal compassion.

Eliminating Personal Façade

Before a person can experience vulnerability, self-imposed walls often used as coping mechanisms will need to be identified and eliminated. These kinds of personal walls are built on the inside and used to shield us from life triggers that can bring about fear, anger, or discontent from unresolved issues in the past. In addition, when people create specific personal façades about themselves such as the selfie culture on social media, it casts a false truth while expressing what we want others to believe as real. This is a self-defeating ritual that can compromise self-compassion.

Accepting What Is Real

Removing the veil of pretense is perhaps the most fulfilling undertaking one can do for oneself. It takes the pressure off of achieving unrealistic expectations while opening up the door to realizing self-esteem and the need to help others experience the same. The power of living authentically and surrounding yourself with people who are just as real is life-changing, exponentially.

Improve Quality of Life by Opening Your Heart

Nurturing compassion in any moment of the day empowers both the initiator and the receiver. Through self-love, you can reassess how to value yourself better and be gentle with yourself, ultimately serving the greater good. When humanity can get past the fear of what was and enjoy what is, the what will be is more fruitful to us all.

You've read Harnessing Self-Compassion and Altruistic Behavior Improves Quality of Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you've enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles." https://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/harnessing-self-compassion-and-altruistic-behavior-improves-quality-of-life/

When working on personal development it is important to find out exactly what it is that you want to do with your life. If the word life sounds too big, you need to at least have a plan for the next 5 years. Having goals bigger than what you are is a way to add value to your life. Make the time for quiet contemplation of where you want your life to go.

One of the keys to happiness is success. That is why it is important for you to achieve your goals in order to become happier. This could be work related or something from your personal life, whatever it is, work hard at it. Do not let any setbacks stop you from achieving your goal.

Realize your personal strengths and play on them each day. Your personal strengths have a great deal to with personal development, helping you to go forth from day to day with the ability to deal with the stress and challenges that arise. However, only when you realize these strengths can you really play upon them and use them to your advantage.

A great tip that can help you with your personal development goals, is to surround yourself with people who are positive and supportive. If you're around negative people all the time, it can be hard for you to make any positive changes. Being around positive people can help a lot.

How to Be a More Interesting Person: 11 Strategies to Captivate Someone’s Attention

www.developgoodhabits.com

"Being interesting is equally vital as being successful. Gone are the days when being busy to cultivate hobbies is considered a badge of honor. At present, people are more willing to listen to what you have to say when you have a “life.” It shows that you’ve got a balanced personality. Furthermore, being an interesting person helps […]The post How to Be a More Interesting Person: 11 Strategies to Captivate Someone’s Attention appeared first on Develop Good Habits. " https://www.developgoodhabits.com/be-more-interesting/

Keep a journal of your private thoughts, feelings and ideas. This is a great way for you to be able to take a trip back in time and see how much you have grown over that time. Taking the little bit of time needed to jot down these things is really going to go a long way in your personal growth progress.

Make a decision about where you want to go in life and stick with it. You won't get anywhere if you only think about what you want to do. Fulfill your dreams and make what you desire a reality.

Keep in mind that you are not perfect. Even if you have come a long way or if most people usually compliment you, this does not mean you have reached perfection. You should always look for things to improve in your life. Be demanding with yourself and make efforts towards perfection.

A great way to develop yourself is to make sure your body, mind, and spirit are all in harmony. Once you are in complete harmony, you will notice an immediate calm fill your entire body. This is needed to reduce the stress from our hectic lives that we lead. The only way to possess complete harmony is to have true love.

While re-planning your life seems like a lot of fun, you should feel better that you know how to do it. You can now apply your newly acquired knowledge to making positive changes to live your life and to become a better person. Now is the perfect time for you to change things.

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#better #feel #feel better #feel better doll #feel better instantly #get better together #honors feel better #how to feel better #how to feel better about yourself #how to feel better instantly #how to feel better naturally #how to feel happy #how to look & feel better everyday #i feel better #i feel better live #if i ever feel better #make me feel better #tips to feel better

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personalcoachingcenter · 5 years

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What Everyone Ought To Know About FEELING BETTER TO BE BETTER

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/what-everyone-ought-to-know-about-feeling-better-to-be-better/

What Everyone Ought To Know About FEELING BETTER TO BE BETTER

5 Parenting Tips to Raise Your Children for Success

www.jackcanfield.com

Harnessing Self-Compassion and Altruistic Behavior Improves Quality of Life

www.pickthebrain.com

While much focus has been given to negative aspects of personal choices, I thought to put this discussion on an upswing through positivity by focusing on self-compassion and altruistic behavior.

Self-Worth May Come from the Outside In

Responding to Others’ Plight

Caring Is Influenced by Early Environment

The desire to make someone else feel good without the expectation of anything in return, or The intent to help another and receive a reward for doing so.

Is one way of giving any more or less effective than the other? It may come down to the benefits each provides the person doing the giving.

Altruism Can Be Different than Compassion

The Culture of Compassion Starts by Practicing Self Love

In doing so, we are practicing a heightened level of consciousness and with it, are more available to exercise compassion to others. But there’s an instinctive side to compassion as well.

Paying It Forward, Squared

How long would it take for these acts of humanity to heal your family, your circle of friends, your community, your city, and reach global proportion? Treating the world in kind begins with you.

Self-Love Is Essential to Emotional Survival

Removing Judgement

The Courage to Be Vulnerable

Eliminating Personal Façade

Accepting What Is Real

Improve Quality of Life by Opening Your Heart

How to Be a More Interesting Person: 11 Strategies to Captivate Someone’s Attention

www.developgoodhabits.com

Make a decision about where you want to go in life and stick with it. You won't get anywhere if you only think about what you want to do. Fulfill your dreams and make what you desire a reality.

youtube

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milenasanchezmk · 6 years

Text

Ask the Coach: Primal Health Coaches Answer Your Questions

A couple weeks ago I asked for ideas for our Primal Health Coaches—what questions have you ever wanted to ask a Primal Health Coach? Many of you wrote in, and I loved reading your ideas. There were so many excellent thoughts I couldn’t begin to include them all here. (Luckily, our coaches might join us for a future post.)

So, sit back and take a look at what our Primal Health Coaches have to say about meal plans, cardio classes, behavior change, physician recommendations, their Primal Health Coach Institute experience, and more!

Question #1, from Jeannie: “Do you make customized, individual plans for every client? What does that encompass? Also, what resources do you use as a Primal Health Coach that allows you to provide support for your many clients?”

“The framework for the Primal lifestyle is the same for everyone, and most people will get really far with the basic template. Initially my goal is to help my client get the baseline set, see what changes, and then make adjustments from there. My suggestions are tailored to each client and the goals they wish to reach. While I do supply handouts for the first month I don’t for the additional months because any changes that are made are usually small. I know many people like meal plans but I don’t think they promote long term success. Meal plans can help give a client ideas, but that rarely translates into generating meal ideas on one’s own. In my opinion it can often lead back to old habits, because nothing was really learned.” – Jen Essary

“I approach all clients from an individual perspective in order to meet them where they are. We work together to come up with their top three health goals, and then narrow this down to one that they can most easily be successful with in order to motivate them to move on to the next. I rely on many of the resources I’ve gained from the Primal Health Coach course, as well as my years of experience working as a personal trainer.” – Regina Barak

“I do not customize. My service offers the opportunity to achieve optimal health. Healthy people tend to reach their ideal weight, and experience less disease and sickness; and healthy people tend to avoid chronic disease. I have to ensure all aspects of a healthy lifestyle are put into effect for a total life transformation. Most people will say they already eat right, exercise correctly or live a stress-free lifestyle. But missing any one of these factors will sabotage the overall goal of optimum health.” – Ron Drillen

“I will usually ask for food preferences and offer a selection of about 21 meals to try to add to their repertoire. I share all of my favorite food bloggers whose recipes I trust, so they can explore and make their own choices.” – Roxann Morello

“Hi Jeanine. The quick answer is, no, I do not make customized meal plans for each client. I work alongside the client to develop a weekly meal strategy. When a client goes into the week with a strategy (what to eat, and why), they tend to be more likely to stick with it. For me the best approach is to talk through the personal and work challenges in the week ahead. Are there going to be a few long nights at work? Is there a kids’ practice or game that will keep them out later, or unable to make a full meal? We work together to identify the strategy that will work best for those specific scenarios. I believe weekly meal plans certainly have a place, but they should not be given without a real strategy in place for the week.” – Steven Konsdorf

“I make a customized plan with every client. I have clients fill out an intake form a few days before our first session. When we meet, we can discuss their specific answers, goals, and visions of health, and begin forming a plan to get there. We move forward each week with their individual plan. During our coaching sessions, clients often bring something they want to discuss; a favorite book or article, or a recipe. We dissect it together and find ways it can fit into their Primal lifestyle. I use all kinds of resources! I love the Tendencies quiz by Gretchen Ruebin to help client learn about how they deal with internal and external expectations. I have blogs, podcasts and books I use and recommend, and also a lending library of books and cookbooks for my clients. One of my favorite resources is the supportive network of Primal Health Coaches. I can ask anything of these great people and I get brilliant ideas back! I love resources, learning and sharing new ideas. It’s my favorite aspect of coaching!” – Sara Baird

“In many cases, developing customized meal plans is actually out of scope of practice for health coaches. Health coaches are advocates for behaviour change… and I can tell you from experience that very few people ever established a new behaviour (and had it stick!) from following a prescribed meal plan. As a Primal Health Coach, I take my clients on a journey of education: so they can learn and understand WHAT foods support them and – this is the important part – WHY. The entire goal is to eventually graduate ciients from my care, and I need to feel confident that they know how to feed themselves in the absence of a meal plan. I supply my clients with a comprehensive Foods To Use and Foods To Lose list, and let them make meals they love, in whatever configuration they like.” – Erin Power

Question #2, from Julia: “I like taking 45-60 mins long spin classes. But, my heart rate gets VERY high. It’s definitely not slow and steady cardio and the class drills are a bit long to qualify as sprints. When or how do I work these workouts in to a primal lifestyle?”

“I have so many questions about this scenario. How often are you taking these classes? How do you feel afterwards? How are your sugar cravings? Are you starving after class? Do you have weight loss goals? What are your goals? From what you have written it sounds like you’re training in the “black hole.” The heart rate might not be high enough to qualify as high intensity, especially with the length of the class. It also isn’t low enough to be aerobic. My advice would be to limit the frequency of these classes. Mark has several articles about heart arrhythmias and chronic cardio which you can reference. For endurance training and fat burning purposes you’d come out ahead by keeping your heart rate below 180-age (Maffetone equation). I’d recommend working with one of the coaches who has taken the Primal Endurance Mastery Course if racing is one of your goals.” – Jen Essary

“If you love the spin class, keep it up! It’s great to have fun! Just perhaps allow yourself more sweet potatoes, fruit, sleep, and more rest days! You could try phase training: do 80% spin and 20% cross training for 3 weeks; then switch to 80% cross training and 20% spin class for 3 weeks weeks; and so on. Using the methods outlined in Primal Endurance, you could also emphasize more slow workouts until your aerobic base can support your current speed in spin class.” – Matt Zastrow

“Hi Julie, I would ask you to think about the goal of the class. Why are you doing this specific class? Is it for fat loss? If so, then there are potentially better ways to accomplish that with less stress on the body. Are you taking the class because it fits your schedule? Again, there are certainly other options with less stress that can be done for those 45-60 minutes. Are you taking the class because you enjoy it? If this is the answer then good for you and don’t stop. If you truly enjoy the spin class and it matches the goals you have then keep doing, but be strategic about it. Keep the spin class to once or twice a week. Leave several days in between classes to adequately recover. You can certainly have a spin class, but stay smart about it so that it fits your Primal lifestyle.” – Steven Konsdorf

“Fellow group fitness junkie here; and I’m a spin instructor too! First of all, that moderate-to-high intensity effort, sustained for an entire hour, is typically what we’d refer to as being in the “black hole” of intensity: not easy enough to be easy, but not hard enough to be hard. If you love it, then continue to do it, but consider scaling back to two a week. And add in some low-and-slow stuff (like walking), and some short-and-sharp stuff (like lifting weights and sprinting) to ensure you’re getting the optimal fitness and gene expression benefits from your time spent in the gym. And don’t forget recovery!” – Erin Power

Question #3, from Rosie: “What strategies would you recommend for breaking/replacing bad habits like eating at certain times not out of hunger but out of habit?”

“First I would ask how long you’ve been primal and what your current eating habits look like? If you’re relatively new to primal you may not be fully fat adapted. If you’ve been primal for awhile then I’d want to know more about your level of insulin sensitivity, any previous health challenges, and what a typical food day looks like for you right now. I would want to explore with you the origins of eating out of habit. Where does that belief come from? When did it begin? Are you misinterpreting a signal for something like thirst as a prompt to eat? My job as a coach is to help you explore these kinds of questions about your habits and challenges. When you understand the origins and the whys it makes it easier to re-frame that habit and make a new choice.” – Jen Essary

“I would suggest you create a food diary for one week so we could take a look at what kind of food you are eating. For instance, a diet consisting of processed foods and starchy carbs does not satisfy hunger, and leaves the brain wanting more. In that case we would discuss how carb dependency creates a cycle of needing more carbs from both a psychological point of view and a physical dependency as well. It’s a process, but we would establish small goals so you’re not feeling deprived along the way.” – Regina Barak

“More often than not, regimented eating schedules are a project of societal and/or workplace guidelines as to when you are “supposed” to take your lunch break. Most of us get indoctrinated into this behaviour from a very young age, and becomes a very strong habit that is hard to retrain. One effective tool to use to tell if you are truly hungry or just experiencing cravings out of boredom or habit, is to ask yourself: “Would I like to eat an hard-boiled egg right now?” If the answer is yes, you are hungry and should go eat some real food (like a hard boiled egg!). If the answer is no, you may be falling victim to (sugar) cravings and old habits that play tricks on you.By making yourself aware of what current state you are actually in, it can help provide you with the willpower to stay clear of the cravings, and making an informed decision of a more healthy choice.” – Jonas Drott

“Great question, Rosie! Eating out of habit instead of out of hunger is something I’ve struggled with as well. First, I would figure out the real reason for eating while not actually hungry. What started that habit in the first place? Are you bored, tired, anxious, stressed, etc? Second, I’d encourage you to replace the “bad” habit with a healthier one, like drinking water or unsweetened tea, or going for a quick 5-10 minute walk when the urge to snack hits. Third, I’m a firm believer in using affirmations to retrain your subconscious mind to help you make better choices automatically. Create an affirmation and say it out loud throughout the day multiple times. You could say “I only eat when hunger ensues naturally.” Use positive language and make sure your affirmation is stating what you do want and not what you don’t want.” – Melissa Emmons

“Time for my client and I to become detectives and scientists! Detectives and scientists ask a lot of questions. Then they ask more questions. They ask them without judgement, simply gathering data. What am I doing? Why am I doing it? What am I feeling at that moment? What would I rather do instead? What is a better way to take care of myself I love the shared excitement when a client has a lightbulb moment and zeroes in on what is actually happening. Especially when it’s a moment of personal reflection and understanding of their own behavior, followed by the support and empowerment to change that behavior. Getting to the next level feels so good.” – Sara Baird

“We need to be motivated to make the right choices. One way to do this is to write down your goals, and your reasons for those goals. Read these goals frequently; perhaps every morning. Be sure to include the Why of your goal(s). For instance, you might have a goal to lose weight, and the Why might be to prepare for an upcoming wedding or vacation; or to not hate clothes shopping; or to manage Diabetes symptoms. Brainstorm what is important to you and then go for it! Think of developing new habits being like you are standing on the sand at the beach and your goal is to go body surfing in the ocean. You get there by taking one step at a time until your feet are wet, then you keep going until you are deeper in the waves. It is the forward action, one step at a time, one decision at a time to keep putting one foot in front of the other, heading towards the waves where you want to be. This analogy may not work for you, but it works for me because I love the beach. You may need to find something more inspiring for you. As Erasmus said long ago, ‘A nail is driven out by another nail; habit is overcome by habit.’” – Vanessa Marsden

Question #4, from Jack: “How would you balance the advice from a Primal Health Coach with doctor recommendations? The two view points often seem like they are at odds. Doctors seem to have outdated views on nutrition, but ignoring their advice seems like it could be dangerous.”

“Hi Jack. It’s definitely unwise to ignore doctors’ advice, and equally not recommended to follow a PHC’s advice blindly. A good health coach will back up his/her advice with actual scientifically-validated evidence, which you can study and run past your doctor yourself. Similarly, a good doctor would be open to discussing the evidence you’ve provided. With this exercise, you get to evaluate both your doctor and PHC; if you are still in doubt, you can always seek out a second opinion. Remember: you are 100% responsible for your health, and you really want to be confident and comfortable with the decisions you ultimately make. Good luck.” – Victor Chew

“This can be a tough situation if there are differing opinions between the coach and the doctor. Some doctors are less open minded about non-drug therapies, but this is why it’s really important to look for medical practitioners that offer a more holistic approach that includes a nutrition and lifestyle component —such as an integrative or functional doctor.” – Rachel Peterson

“Never ignore the advice from your doctor. Any and all information is invaluable when you have to make the best decision on your health. Doctors, like all professionals should be seen as advisers. Each offering a little piece of the information puzzle you need to complete the health puzzle. Ultimately you have to decide what direction you need to go in order to reach your goal. It is never advisable to hand over the responsibility of your health to another person without question.” – Ron Drillen

“Hi Jack. When working with a client I highlight the fact that my role as a Primal Health Coach is not to diagnose or prescribe a diet or contradict a doctors prescribed approach. If a client wants to go Primal, I encourage them to talk with their doctor about it. Simply meet with your doctor and lay out the Primal approach you want to take with your health coach, and seek to understand the concerns or objections your doctor may have, and why. You can even show examples of how the Primal Blueprint has helped others with the same diagnoses; just search Mark’s Daily Apple for plenty of Success Stories. Getting your doctor’s buy in is a great first step and shows you also have vested interest in taking control of your health.” – Steven Konsdorf

“Despite our opinions (right or wrong) about conventional medicine, your doctor’s orders are important and truthfully not to be ignored. In a perfect scenario, the relationship between client, health coach and doctor would be absolutely collaborative and synergistic. Take the bull by the horns and ensure that your doctor and your health coach are working together to move the needle on your health goals. Introduce your doctor to your PHC; introduce your PHC to your doctor. In a perfect scenario, the relationship between client, health coach and doctor would be absolutely collaborative and synergistic. It’s your health, and you are within your rights to build your own dream team of allied health care practitioners to help you achieve your optimal human badassery!” – Erin Power

Question #5, from Will: “Hey coaches! I am ready to sign up for the health coach certification program. However, it’s important that I have my wife’s buy-in and support before investing in the program — seeing as it will effect her and our two young sons. She’s on the fence. What is the value of this program (particularly for a young family) based on your experience as a health coach that I can relay to my wife as an outside perspective? How has the mastery of primal nutrition and lifestyle impacted your family?”

“Hi Will. I’ve been in just those shoes myself, not too long ago! I’d like to suggest that you ask yourself why you want to enroll: Do you have a passion in helping others? Do you want to start a health coaching business, or use the knowledge and skills from this program to grow your existing business? Do you just love to geek out on the primal lifestyle and hang out with your tribe? Obviously, these are just a few of the questions you’d want to ask yourself to understand your true motivation, and you are the only one that can answer them. For me, the answers were all yes! I do have a full time job that I also love, so it’s not imperative for me to start generating income with this certification right away. However, the knowledge, skills, support, and just being part of the this awesome tribe have made my family’s lives richer, in the sense that we’re healthier, stronger, and more adventurous, because we feel better and can move better. What more can be more prosperous than that?” – Victor Chew

“The value of this program for me has been a more foundational understanding of what it means to live holistically, and to age in such a way that keeps me young, energetic, and virtually medication-free. This has a ripple effect for everyone you are living with! At age 65, I feel like I’m 40. My own experience with the program has been awesome; I’m walking the walk instead of simply talking the talk.” – Regina Barak

“We are a family of four, and it feels like we are team. We have found our groove of food we all agree is delicious and meets our standards for health. My husband and I are also much more likely to jump in and gof around outside with the kids, now that we understand the importance of play in a long healthy life. That brings us closer as a family. Since I’ve taken the course, my family has been inspired to learn too. Now I take what I’ve seen work in my own family and use those tools as a starting point for my clients. It’s a pretty fantastic career in that I thrive off learning and coaching, while also reaping priceless benefits to my family and our health.” – Sara Baird

“The benefits to the overall health of the family are enormous. The course takes all the information in the books, the website and podcasts and goes deeper. It organizes it all in one place and is continually kept up to date. Understanding the “why” and the “how” behind all of this brings so much more confidence in actually helping other humans. The content on how to take this information, translate it and actually apply to different situations and to different people allows you to help more than just your family. You can now take this passion and turn it into another income stream for your family. Many of us started here because we found we were the “go-to” person for nutrition and health advice for friends and family. We were sort of already doing it, for free and with no real direction or organization. I can personally attest to how great it felt to have my son’s first year of college paid for and to be able to say yes to better vacations working VERY part time doing something I loved. Finally, the transition to doing this full time and leaving a career that was causing me entirely too much stress became a reality. I now see my kids more. I am a better mom. The family is happier and healthier. It takes time for all of this stuff to come to fruition (it took me a few years) but you’ve got to start somewhere and you’ll never get there unless you are willing to take the first step.” – Laura Rupsis

Thanks again to all of you who submitted questions for the coaches. And thank you also to our Primal Health Coaches for their time and perspectives today. Feel free to visit the sites and social media accounts of the coaches who joined us today, or check out the full directory of Primal Health Coaches who lives in your area or who offers coaching in a..

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cristinajourdanqp · 6 years

Text

Ask the Coach: Primal Health Coaches Answer Your Questions

Question #3, from Rosie: “What strategies would you recommend for breaking/replacing bad habits like eating at certain times not out of hunger but out of habit?”

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watsonrodriquezie · 6 years

Text

Ask the Coach: Primal Health Coaches Answer Your Questions

Question #3, from Rosie: “What strategies would you recommend for breaking/replacing bad habits like eating at certain times not out of hunger but out of habit?”

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jmmgroup-blog · 8 years

Text

Karate, football, money management? Extracurricular course teaches Dubai kids about personal finance

Saif Sondon, 13, is a fairly typical teenage boy when it comes to money. The Egyptian, who is a pupil at Nord Anglia International School in Dubai, gets Dh500 a month from his parents, “and more if I earn it somewhere else or if I sell some of my stuff,” he explains. “Sometimes I spend it on clothes, games, or going out. Clothes don’t have to be expensive, mid-range is fine – I’ll wait for the sales and then buy them. I don’t like to go shopping much because I don’t have all the money in the world to go shopping with. If I did, then I’d enjoy it more because I’d buy the expensive brands of trainers that I really want.”

For the past five weeks, Saif has been attending an hour-long financial literacy course every Saturday morning, organised by the company Kids Finance Initiative. Classes are in two age groups; 9 to 11 and 12 to 14, and the first eight-week course, costing Dh640, is currently taking place at Uptown School, Jumeira Baccalaureate School and Dubai British School.

Saif claims that what he’s learnt during the course is already having an impact on his spending habits. “Before I used to spend money whenever I had it, but now I’m going to give 10 per cent to charity and then save the rest for my future. I could put it into a bank and it would double with interest, so in a few years there would be more money – or I could buy something for Dh1,000.”

The brains behind the new initiative is Marilyn Pinto, a mum of two girls, ages eight and 10, who noticed that although her daughters were thriving academically, they had “no clue” when it came to money. “I actually thought I’d teach my own children about finance last summer, but it didn’t go too well because after two weeks I wanted a break myself, and it’s difficult when you’re teaching your own children. But I realised that if I found this gap in the school curriculum, other parents might be interested in teaching their children about these concepts too.”

But Ms Pinto initially met with some resistance to the idea of teaching financial literacy to children, from fellow parents. “They understand the need for karate, ballet and other run-of-the-mill after-school activities, but financial literacy was a novel concept. They asked me ‘is that all maths?’ ‘Isn’t it too complicated?’ ‘My kids are innocent, do we have to expose them at this age?’ But I believe that the earlier we talk to kids the better. After all, advertisers are now actively targeting young children on social media, so it’s now even more important that they learn early on in life to question what is a ‘want’ and what is a ‘need’ when it comes to spending.”

The eight-week course that Ms Pinto is running, which is taught using an activity-based curriculum from the American National Financial Educators Council, delves into much more than just handling pocket money. Topics range from budgeting, investing and managing debts, to entrepreneurship and charity.

“We are looking for kids to set goals, to realise that money is a means to an end,” she explains. “We get them to identify what kind of lifestyle they would like, what are their dreams and why money is important to achieve their goals.”

In her role as a “money coach”, Caroline Domanska of Moneymindsetcoaching.co.uk, helps grown-ups to form healthier relationships with their money. But Ms Domanska, who coaches in Dubai and in the UK, explains that the way we spend money stems from lessons we learnt as children from our parents. “A lot of children are told by their parents ‘we can’t afford this toy that you want at the moment, not today’ – so they’re told they can’t have it, rather than ‘well if you want that thing, how are you going to go about trying to get it?’ It’s a subtle shift in how you approach it. As children, if our desires get squashed, then we take that into adulthood. We still think things aren’t quite achievable for us – that we’re not quite the person who would earn half a million pounds, or who should be driving that car. We get that from our backgrounds.”

One of the teachers on the financial literacy course is Manisha Daya, a British accountant and mum of two, whose own thrifty relationship with money was shaped by her father’s upbringing.

“My grandparents were very rich back in Zimbabwe and through bad business decisions they lost everything, including their house,” she explains. “My father then had to use his basic survival instincts, because his dad lost his mind. He had huge responsibilities and grew up having to watch every penny. He later became a teacher and put us through a good education, always reminding us of the important things in life. Holidays were a very big luxury, and we always were taught to always watch our pockets.”

Ms Daya teaches the same prudent financial lessons to her own six year old daughter. “She doesn’t get pocket money, but we make her aware of money – to look for the red sale tags when we’re going through clothes in the shops, for example. I put seeds in her mind to be money-savvy.”

On the course, Ms Daya teaches the children about the three main money mindsets people have – “roadblock” – someone who is not thinking about money and is out of luck when bills need to be paid, “bullet train” – someone knows how to save money and can use money to achieve their life goals, and “blinder” – someone is focusing on money all the time and doesn’t live life to the fullest.

Ms Daya – who is hoping to shape her class of seven 9 to 11-year-old girls and one boy into “bullet trains” – asks them to think about their long-term goals. One aspires to be an Olympic swimmer, three would like their own pet dog and one wants to own 100 different-coloured cars. “Write down your long- term goal on paper and stick it up somewhere where you can see it every day,” Ms Daya tells them.

One of the most popular long-term goals for most adults is buying a house. According to a study undertaken by HSBC Bank in the UK, the average child receives Â£131,832.94 (Dh588,958) in the first 25 years of their life through pocket money, tooth fairy donations, gifts and money for odd jobs and part-time work. By saving 25 per cent of these “earnings”, a 25-year-old could have enough to put down the average deposit of Â£32,000, the study claims.

In the UAE, according to Ms Daya, children often don’t feel the need to spend their pocket money because their parents pay for what they want anyway. “It’s a spend, spend, spend environment,” she says. “Children often save their pocket money because they never need to use it. The mindset of parents here is very different.”

According to analysts at Euromonitor International (EMI), typically, a child in the UAE between nine and 15 years old receives between US$15 to $70 a month in pocket money, while children over 15 receive from $70 to $220.

The spending power of youth is something that advertisers are increasingly aware of. Last October, a coalition of advocacy groups urged the US Federal Trade Commission to crack down on online influencer ads aimed at children. “Owing to their immature cognitive development children – especially younger children – have difficulty differentiating between content and advertising,” the complaint reads.

The subliminal advertising makes it more important than ever for children to be aware of their spending impulses, says Ms Pinto. “They are already being bombarded by so many advertising messages, and it only gets worse as they enter their teenage years. Kids today are spending so much more money than any previous generation, and advertisers know that – they know a whole lot more about the spending habits of our kids than we do sometimes. And they’re getting cleverer at hiding their advertising in social media. It’s actually scary.”

Ms Pinto makes sure that her own children learn to question the advertiser’s motives as much as possible. “When we hear ads on the radio we actually dissect them together. I ask: ‘what is this about, what are they trying to sell you?’ ‘Is this a good advertising message?’ Once you start talking to kids about that, they are switched on to not just sitting back and absorbing all the messages and saying: ‘Oh, this pizza is good.’ They can ask: ‘Is it really good, and do we actually need it?’ Making them aware is the first line of defence.”

[email protected]

Follow The National’s Business section on Twitter

Source: The National

Karate, football, money management? Extracurricular course teaches Dubai kids about personal finance was originally published on JMM Group of Companies

#finance

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martinfzimmerman · 8 years

Text

Karate, football, money management? Extracurricular course teaches Dubai kids about personal finance

Saif Sondon, 13, is a fairly typical teenage boy when it comes to money. The Egyptian, who is a pupil at Nord Anglia International School in Dubai, gets Dh500 a month from his parents, "and more if I earn it somewhere else or if I sell some of my stuff," he explains. "Sometimes I spend it on clothes, games, or going out. Clothes don't have to be expensive, mid-range is fine - I'll wait for the sales and then buy them. I don't like to go shopping much because I don't have all the money in the world to go shopping with. If I did, then I'd enjoy it more because I'd buy the expensive brands of trainers that I really want."

Saif claims that what he's learnt during the course is already having an impact on his spending habits. "Before I used to spend money whenever I had it, but now I'm going to give 10 per cent to charity and then save the rest for my future. I could put it into a bank and it would double with interest, so in a few years there would be more money - or I could buy something for Dh1,000."

The brains behind the new initiative is Marilyn Pinto, a mum of two girls, ages eight and 10, who noticed that although her daughters were thriving academically, they had "no clue" when it came to money. "I actually thought I'd teach my own children about finance last summer, but it didn't go too well because after two weeks I wanted a break myself, and it's difficult when you're teaching your own children. But I realised that if I found this gap in the school curriculum, other parents might be interested in teaching their children about these concepts too."

But Ms Pinto initially met with some resistance to the idea of teaching financial literacy to children, from fellow parents. "They understand the need for karate, ballet and other run-of-the-mill after-school activities, but financial literacy was a novel concept. They asked me 'is that all maths?' 'Isn't it too complicated?' 'My kids are innocent, do we have to expose them at this age?' But I believe that the earlier we talk to kids the better. After all, advertisers are now actively targeting young children on social media, so it's now even more important that they learn early on in life to question what is a 'want' and what is a 'need' when it comes to spending."

"We are looking for kids to set goals, to realise that money is a means to an end," she explains. "We get them to identify what kind of lifestyle they would like, what are their dreams and why money is important to achieve their goals."

In her role as a "money coach", Caroline Domanska of Moneymindsetcoaching.co.uk, helps grown-ups to form healthier relationships with their money. But Ms Domanska, who coaches in Dubai and in the UK, explains that the way we spend money stems from lessons we learnt as children from our parents. "A lot of children are told by their parents 'we can't afford this toy that you want at the moment, not today' - so they're told they can't have it, rather than 'well if you want that thing, how are you going to go about trying to get it?' It's a subtle shift in how you approach it. As children, if our desires get squashed, then we take that into adulthood. We still think things aren't quite achievable for us - that we're not quite the person who would earn half a million pounds, or who should be driving that car. We get that from our backgrounds."

One of the teachers on the financial literacy course is Manisha Daya, a British accountant and mum of two, whose own thrifty relationship with money was shaped by her father's upbringing.

"My grandparents were very rich back in Zimbabwe and through bad business decisions they lost everything, including their house," she explains. "My father then had to use his basic survival instincts, because his dad lost his mind. He had huge responsibilities and grew up having to watch every penny. He later became a teacher and put us through a good education, always reminding us of the important things in life. Holidays were a very big luxury, and we always were taught to always watch our pockets."

Ms Daya teaches the same prudent financial lessons to her own six year old daughter. "She doesn't get pocket money, but we make her aware of money - to look for the red sale tags when we're going through clothes in the shops, for example. I put seeds in her mind to be money-savvy."

On the course, Ms Daya teaches the children about the three main money mindsets people have - "roadblock" - someone who is not thinking about money and is out of luck when bills need to be paid, "bullet train" - someone knows how to save money and can use money to achieve their life goals, and "blinder" - someone is focusing on money all the time and doesn't live life to the fullest.

Ms Daya - who is hoping to shape her class of seven 9 to 11-year-old girls and one boy into "bullet trains" - asks them to think about their long-term goals. One aspires to be an Olympic swimmer, three would like their own pet dog and one wants to own 100 different-coloured cars. "Write down your long- term goal on paper and stick it up somewhere where you can see it every day," Ms Daya tells them.

One of the most popular long-term goals for most adults is buying a house. According to a study undertaken by HSBC Bank in the UK, the average child receives £131,832.94 (Dh588,958) in the first 25 years of their life through pocket money, tooth fairy donations, gifts and money for odd jobs and part-time work. By saving 25 per cent of these "earnings", a 25-year-old could have enough to put down the average deposit of £32,000, the study claims.

In the UAE, according to Ms Daya, children often don't feel the need to spend their pocket money because their parents pay for what they want anyway. "It's a spend, spend, spend environment," she says. "Children often save their pocket money because they never need to use it. The mindset of parents here is very different."

The spending power of youth is something that advertisers are increasingly aware of. Last October, a coalition of advocacy groups urged the US Federal Trade Commission to crack down on online influencer ads aimed at children. "Owing to their immature cognitive development children - especially younger children - have difficulty differentiating between content and advertising," the complaint reads.

The subliminal advertising makes it more important than ever for children to be aware of their spending impulses, says Ms Pinto. "They are already being bombarded by so many advertising messages, and it only gets worse as they enter their teenage years. Kids today are spending so much more money than any previous generation, and advertisers know that - they know a whole lot more about the spending habits of our kids than we do sometimes. And they're getting cleverer at hiding their advertising in social media. It's actually scary."

Ms Pinto makes sure that her own children learn to question the advertiser's motives as much as possible. "When we hear ads on the radio we actually dissect them together. I ask: 'what is this about, what are they trying to sell you?' 'Is this a good advertising message?' Once you start talking to kids about that, they are switched on to not just sitting back and absorbing all the messages and saying: 'Oh, this pizza is good.' They can ask: 'Is it really good, and do we actually need it?' Making them aware is the first line of defence."

[email protected]

Follow The National's Business section on Twitter

from Personal Finance RSS feed - The National http://www.thenational.ae/business/personal-finance/karate-football-money-management-extracurricular-course-teaches-dubai-kids-about-personal-finance

#Personal Finance RSS feed - The National

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personalcoachingcenter · 5 years

Text

What Everyone Ought To Know About FEELING BETTER TO BE BETTER

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/what-everyone-ought-to-know-about-feeling-better-to-be-better/

What Everyone Ought To Know About FEELING BETTER TO BE BETTER

5 Parenting Tips to Raise Your Children for Success

www.jackcanfield.com

Harnessing Self-Compassion and Altruistic Behavior Improves Quality of Life

www.pickthebrain.com

While much focus has been given to negative aspects of personal choices, I thought to put this discussion on an upswing through positivity by focusing on self-compassion and altruistic behavior.

Self-Worth May Come from the Outside In

Responding to Others’ Plight

Caring Is Influenced by Early Environment

The desire to make someone else feel good without the expectation of anything in return, or The intent to help another and receive a reward for doing so.

Is one way of giving any more or less effective than the other? It may come down to the benefits each provides the person doing the giving.

Altruism Can Be Different than Compassion

The Culture of Compassion Starts by Practicing Self Love

In doing so, we are practicing a heightened level of consciousness and with it, are more available to exercise compassion to others. But there’s an instinctive side to compassion as well.

Paying It Forward, Squared

How long would it take for these acts of humanity to heal your family, your circle of friends, your community, your city, and reach global proportion? Treating the world in kind begins with you.

Self-Love Is Essential to Emotional Survival

Removing Judgement

The Courage to Be Vulnerable

Eliminating Personal Façade

Accepting What Is Real

Improve Quality of Life by Opening Your Heart

How to Be a More Interesting Person: 11 Strategies to Captivate Someone’s Attention

www.developgoodhabits.com

Make a decision about where you want to go in life and stick with it. You won't get anywhere if you only think about what you want to do. Fulfill your dreams and make what you desire a reality.

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