#I also can't stick to one term between “human race” and “humanity” despite it's the same word in JP because idk

[pardi-real]

Holy cow.

TIL the word for how a word or a name is pronounced is written as "pronunciation". I really thought it was "pronounciation".

Pro-Nun. Well I love Arknights Specter.

That reminds me some years ago I was absolutely bamboozled by "similar" & "available", I thought those were written as "similiar" & "avaible" .

My life is a lie.. all this from being curious on how to pronounce "Berrien County Jail".

[mathes0n]

Do ya think you could give me a rundown of what happens in the epiloges so I don't have to slog through it same way you did (bless you by the way, I really can't imagine what wasting a whole day on homestuck of all things is like)

I tried my best!!! I may have skipped some details here and there but these were what I remembered the most

TW for…. Suicide, themes of fascism, themes of sex, mentions of transphobia and just… general Homestuck Bullshit

MEAT:

John agrees to go fix canon or w/e, he goes back and collects teenage versions of Rose, Dave, Jade, Jane, Dirk, Jake and Roxy; they’re all teens and he keeps calling them “kids” and thats kinda cute

Adult John + 7 teenagers go to fight Caliborn; Caliborn locks the beta kids in the homestuck juju box thing (which was foreshadowed in earlier homestuck i fucking THINK??)

The beta kids are then suddenly teleported into the final battle against Lord English, in which he kills everyone but John

Davepeta sacrifices themself to force Lord English into the black hole

Also Lord English bites John and he’s dying I guess and floating towards the black hole

Terezi finds him and they both find sanctuary in a car thats also floating around. Also they have sex here

They both teleport to Earth C where John then immediately DIES

B PLOT: Jane is running for president of the world, to which everyone insists that this is a bad idea because Hussie spun a wheel and decided that she was Facist now

Karkat worries that she’ll regulate troll reproduction, and Dave convinces him to run for president against her

There’s also some like unresolved tension between Dave and Karkat, Jade tries to get the three of them to date but she comes across as pushy and weird and WILDLY out of character! But it goes nowhere in the end

It’s a race to find endorsements! Jane has Dirk helping her with her campaign, Roxy and Calliope (who are dating and nonbinary! Woo hoo!) choose to stay neutral

Jake is also like super famous and also has a reputation for sleeping around? Anyways both sides of this ~Political Intrigue~ know that getting his endorsement would basically entail victory

Jane invites him over and they end up making out until Jake gets nervous and leaves, its very weirdly sexually charged and does Nothing For This Meaty Story

Dave and Karkat manage to convince Jake to endorse Karkat; but during the endorsement speech, Jake suddenly blurts his love for Dirk Strider and starts endorsing Jane

Which leads to…

C PLOT: Dirk and Alt!Calliope are fighting over the narrative of the story

Dirk is also weirdly transphobic about Roxy

Rose is like… dying? And Dirk is trying to convince her to become her Ultimate Self or some shit??? This results in Dirk essentially kidnapping Rose and making Kanaya Freak Out

Dirk’s narrative control forces Jake to confess his love for Dirk and endorse Jane, so thats great

Dirk also tries to use his narrative control powers to force Dave and Karkat into confessing their love for each other, but Dave fights off his control and kisses Karkat on his OWN terms, which, if ignoring the weird Dirk shit, is actually pretty valid

This all ends with Dirk shrugging Jake off and taking Rose on a spaceship far away, prompting the rest of the cast to prepare a rescue mission

PRETTY WEIRD RIGHT?

WELL NOW ITS TIME FOOOOR

CANDY:

John decides not to go fix canon, Roxy gets really happy about this and almost immediately decides that they’re in love w him and starts dating him, Calliope is noticeably upset by this

(Also Roxy’s gender stuff isn’t rlly addressed in Candy but I’m just gonna stick with they/them)

Also Calliope insists that John bring Gamzee to Earth C. Gamzee is now here and no one is happy about it

There’s still weird stuff between Jade, Dave and Karkat, what with Jade still trying to get the three of them to date; this results in Jade dating Dave and Jade having a kismesis with Karkat, and Dave and Karkat not having a relationship despite the ~obvious love between them~. It’s repeatedly mentioned that the relationship dynamic is unhealthy. Nothing is done about it

SPEEEEEAAAAAAAKING OF UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS

Jane goes to visit Jake and they get drunk and sleep together and then Jane manipulates him into a relationship? I’ve seen posts making Jake out to be the bad guy because of this

Anyways for some real fucked up shit uuuuh……………….Dirk commits suicide

GRAPHICALLY

Because John didn’t choose to do the plot important thing?

It’s fucked up as all hell

At the funeral, Roxy and John decide to get married

OH also this entire time John and Terezi have been in communication and John’s acting like its a scandalous thing? It’s weird

Also Gamzee somehow becomes Jane’s kismesis and its weird its fucking weird man I won’t get into it but i feel like half the trigger tags could apply to this relationship alone

Anyways Jane is still exhibiting fascist tendencies and is trying to moderate troll birthrate. Everyone but like Karkat and Kanaya (and Rose to an extent) act like this isnt a big deal

ANYWAYS THEN THERE’S KIDS

John and Roxy have a son named Harry Anderson Egbert

Jane and Jake have a son named Tavros (aka Tavros2)

Rose and Kanaya adopt a troll girl and name her Vriska (aka Vriska3) because FUUUUCK me

Jane and Gamzee are like… abusive towards Jake and Tavros2

Also Aradia shows up!!! She doesn’t do much regarding this bullshit plot but honestly thats the best possible outcome. She doesn’t deserve to get involved in all of this

John tries to kidnap Tavros2 to save him from Jane and Gamzee’s abuse, but gets caught and it all backfires and everyone hates John now

Also it’s implied that Terezi dies

TEN YEARS PASS

NOW HERE’S WHERE THINGS GET REAL FUCKED

Jane has decided that Trolls Have No Rights and is actively trying to stop them

Jane is basically the overlord of the world now and enforces like�� curfews n shit

Karkat fucked off and is leading the Troll Rebellion and thats a bit metal I’ll give him that (he gets an eyepatch and everything)

Roxy and John have divorced by this point

Also various ghosts have been raining from the sky? That’s also happening

Also Harry Anderson and Vriska3 start a romantic relationship and HOLD ON A SECOND

Harry Anderson is Roxy’s kid and Vriska3 is Rose’s kid HELLO??? And don’t even argue “Oh but Vriska3 was adopted-” NO FUCK THAT HELLO???????

Civil war breaks out between the Trolls and basically everyone else who now works for Jane

Alive Vriska falls from the sky, immediately sees Gamzee and tries to kill him, he then tries to

Tries to

Tries to suck her toes

Shes wearign boots but hes lickin em

They then make out

I know I’m being really specific in this part but like you all have to understand that I had to read this with my own human eyes

Frankly I don’t entirely remember how Candy ends I basically blacked out after the above part happened

John reconciles with Roxy and Harry Anderson, Alive Vriska and Vriska3 chat and I end up liking Vriska3 more than i EVER liked actual Vriska. I think Dave dies??????

Sorry if this isn’t the best descriptor, I was kind of losing my mind as I wrote this because I still can’t wrap my head around ANY of these plot points

Imo I GUESS I hate Meat less because the John stuff was… okay for the most part. Also certain relationships and characters (like Dave+Karkat and Roxy+Calliope) were treated a bit better. But they’re both overall so, so bad

This honest to god feels like a Hate Letter written to the fanbase. Even if it was “intentionally bad”, that doesn’t make it good suddenly!! It was a spit in the face and a horrible experience and it honestly felt super pathetic. Hussie and his squad of incest-writing authors deserve the criticism this horrible epilogue will get them