#I also had to transcribe myself and straight up could not understand Matt at times

[cakeofthepan]

Please enjoy the absolute chaos of four teens serving a dimensional witch birth(death)day pizza. Plus bonus annoyed Anthony noises.

[Audio Transcript:

[Upbeat instrumental happy birthday plays in the background]

Normal: Do we wanna- alright

Link [singing off key]: Happy Birthday TO YOUU

[Laughter]

Matt: And we all walk the pizza over to her

Beth: Yeah

Anthony: Uhhh

Link [singing]: Happy Birth-

Freddie: And Taylor lights a little sparkler.

Taylor: Oh no, we can’t sing happy birthday we have to do our own off-

Beth: Oh yeah

Will: You could cast thaumaturgy to make sparkles probably

Link: No you can sing happy birthday they settled it in a 14 million dollar court case recently, they really shouldn’t have done that

Taylor: Yes but-

Anthony: Yes but in this world

[Matt laughs]

Taylor: We have to do the themed happy birthday papa John’s

Link [singing]: Happy Papa day

Taylor [singing]: Papa wishes you a happy

Taylor, Link, Scary [singing]: birthday

Scary [singing]: Here at--

Taylor [singing]: Papa wishes you a happy

Taylor, Link, Scary [singing]: birthday

Normal [singing]: Clap clap clap clap

[Normal claps 4 times]

Link: Here’s your piz-za!

Anthony: Uhhhh

[Freddie laughs]

Scary: Did you say you die today?

Link: Yeah, how are you gonna die?

Tilt: Oh uh, a heart attack from pizza

Normal: Oh, well don’t eat the pizza then!

[Freddie Laughs]

Matt: Oh, I take away the pizza

Will: I grab the pizza and take it away

Tilt: I want the pizza though

Taylor: But that’s where the heart attack- maybe that’s where the heart attack comes from.

Link: But you’ll die

Taylor: The desire for pizza

Beth: Scary starts like clapping slowly, like

[music fades out]

Scary [singing]: Happy happy birthday today’s the day you die

Tilt: [interspersed dying noises]

[laughter]

Scary [singing]: I hate to say- this very quick goodbye. You’re gonna have a heart attack on a pizza pie

Tilt: [more dying noises]

[Freddie laughs]

Scary [singing]: Happy happy birthday today’s the day you die

Anthony: She falls out of her chair and then is dead

[music returns]

Link: Somebody help!

Matt: I start doing CPR

Scary: I get the feeling we can’t do anything

Matt: And the camera pans out as Scary sings the song again- [dissolves into mumbles and laughter]

Scary [singing]: Happy happy birthday, today’s the day you die

Link: Somebody HELP

Freddie: And Taylor goes like

Taylor: Wait those memories might still be fresh though, can we extract them back out in case we need them again?

Scary: Yeah let’s get the syringe

[Will laughs]

Freddie: We drag- we drag her

Anthony: Oh no, oh NOO I didn’t think that through

[laughter]

Will: So he just-

Anthony: Nooo she knows EVERYTHING

[laughter]

Matt: Well you said it let’s you--

Anthony [screaming]: No!!! No-hoo-hoo

[laughter and clapping]

[music fades out]

End transcript]