#I also think about Addicted & My Personal Weatherman a lot

[caresscoffee]

I can't help but wonder

How much different would My Beautiful Man have been if Kiyoi had been angry, hurt, possessive, & jealous enough upon seeing Hira again and thinking he threw him over for a milquetoast to just blurt out, "Why didn't you call me after we kissed, Creepy?" and then shin kicking him... while side eyeing the milquetoast in question...??

Either way I really love their relationship and the dynamic they have because Kiyoi is the more submissive in the bedroom and Hira is the more submissive out of the bedroom, but Kiyoi is still kinda fluffy when they're just at home alone... he's not really the dominant one outside either, he just puts up a very good front because he's a great actor... Hira is the super secret Dom

[khaotungsfirst]

khaotungsfirst’s 2023 BL recap

Alright, I know I'm late but it’s the time of the year again where I post my favorite BLs of the year even though no one cares about my opinion lmao. Buckle up cause this is gonna be long...

Top Thai BLs

I Feel You Linger In The Air

What a breath of fresh air this was! Not only was the romance top-notch, I was also really invested in the plot and what was happening to other characters. The wlw sideplot felt natural and not shoehorned in and was what we all deserved. I'm just so happy to have experienced this masterpiece!!

Only Friends

Came for SandRay, stayed for BostonNick (and SandRay). Though it had its ups and downs I can't help but love it. There was so much messy drama that I was LIVING for every single week and experiencing that along with the rest of BL tumblr was the best thing. We desperately need more shows like this in the BL world.

Laws of Attraction

Ridiculous SFX could not deter me from loving this show. It's dramatic, it's over the top and it's ridiculous at times but it's crime so of course I liked it. Bonus points for cutting from the villain being killed in prison straight to the main couple's wedding. We love to see it!

Top Korean BLs

Our Dating Sim

This was my last watch of the year when I was looking for something that I could squeeze in without many expectations. How could I have guessed that it would turn out to be my favorite Korean BL of the year? Though the story is nothing new or groundbreaking, I enjoyed the main actors chemistry so so much. Korean BLs, to me, often feel a little stiff but they managed to make it feel so real and easy, I loved it.

The Eighth Sense

Oh, this was something else... High quality cinematography and high-quality story-telling. In the end I went into it with expectations that were too high to meet but still, such a touching BL that will definitely move you (maybe even to tears).

Why R U? (KR)

A show held together by three pieces of duct tape but enjoyable nonetheless. I don't think it's comparable to its Thai original. Yes, the plot is more or less the same but you gotta see it as its own thing. I do love me a panicked gay/confident gay pairing so it already had me from there. And let's talk about the kisses cause !!!

Top Japanese BLs

Tokyo in April is…

Friends to lovers my beloved!!! The PINING, the ACHING, the YEARNING! YEARS OF IT!! How can I not love it? Yes, this was a bit of a heavier BL but it was done SO WELL and the payoff from all the trauma was so satisfying.

My Personal Weatherman

What can I say? Japan just knows how to do it. In any other show the miscommunication between the mains would be annoying as hell. But the chemistry between these two was just off the charts. Nothing more to say.

I Cannot Reach You

Friends to lovers my beloved!!! the sequel. This time less traumatising but just as sweet and moving. A cute and innocent watch.

Top Taiwanese BLs

Kiseki: Dear to Me

The way I IMMEDIATELY knew ChenAi were gonna be my new hyperfixation as soon as I saw them in episode 1... They just have that je ne sais quoi, that special 'make me fall to the floor and bite my fist' quality to them. BZY and FZR also had their insane moments and in combination with everything that ChenAi were doing this show just hit the right spot. Can't wait to rewatch it.

Stay by My Side

Was it ridiculous? Yes. Was it cute tho? Also yes. Nothing I would rewatch but it did make me laugh a lot so there's that.

Top Chinese “BL”

Stay With Me

It’s not like we have much of a selection regarding Chinese BLs (cries in when will Eternal Faith, Immortaily and Winner is King be released from the dungeons?) but HOLY SHIT did they deliver with this one. I didn't know this was specifially made for international release when I went into it so I was in for a few surprises here and there. And I'm gonna say it: it's better than Addicted Heroin. The way their love story developed just has me screaming internally I LOVE THEM SO MUCHHHHH!!!

Top 3 overall

Kiseki: Dear to Me

Stay With Me

I Feel You Linger In The Air

Top pre-2023 BLs (that I watched in 2023)

The Eclipse (2022)

Can you believe that I only just joined the FirstKhao nation this year? I completely skipped this show last year NOT KNOWING what a masterpiece I missed out on. Finally a highschool BL with a capital P Plot! And the enemies to lovers was so so good!!! AkkAyan you will always be famous!

Love Mechanics (2022)

I'm not a fan of cheating stories at all but DEAR GOD these two!!! It's the YinWar magic that pulled me in and will never let me go. The constant back and forth did get a bit annoying at some point but I won't complain when we also got things like the shower scene...

Roommates of Poongduck 304 (2022)

Can ZB1 disband faster so Jiwoong can return to BL acting please? I jest, I jest... kinda. I loved the relationship dynamic in this one so much because they both held power over the other (and both were petty bitches about it lmao).

My Gear and Your Gown (2020)

The girls that get it get it, the girls that don't don't :) Falling for MarcPawin during Dangerous Romance and THEN realising that they're the mains for this show immediately put it on top of my watchlist and I'm not ashamed to say I liked it. It's very 2020 but sometimes that's all you need.

Favorite currently airing BLs

I did not want to consider these for the final rankings because they’re still airing and could theoretically still pull a Game of Thrones S7 on us but I have really high hopes for them.

Cherry Magic

HELLO???!?!? I LOVE ACHI SO F U CK ING MUCHHHH!!! And the way Karan is in love with him so gently and so deeply I- AAAAAHHHHHH. This is gonna be my new obsession I can feel it!!

Last Twilight

At first I didn't even plan on watching this because I didn't think JimmySea were a pairing I would enjoy (Vice Versa has been on hold for over a year lol). But GODDAMN did they prove me wrong! So soft, so precious... P'Aof you did it again!

The Sign

What a hodgepodge of genres... One second you're chasing a murderer, the next you're having sex fantasies about your coworker and then you're having visions about your past life with your soulmate (who is also said coworker). Love it!

Most disappointing BLs

Be Mine Superstar

I was so excited for a new JaFirst series as I really enjoyed Don't Say No, and Remember Me didn't quite quench my thirst. But this... if this was a BL then why did we spend SO MUCH TIME on the beef between the agents?? Shit was annoying af. Moreover, I really could not deal with Ja's character. I know a lot of people liked his innocent puppy-like behaviour but it was just too much for me. The only redeemable thing was the side pairing but even that turned into a hot mess quite quickly. Had to drop this at some point after I started watching it on 1.5 speed and realized that I'm torturing myself.

Low Frequency

Exciting concept but stiff acting and a plot that dragged on. Dropped halfway through.

Bon Appetit

It's not bad but just straight up boring. I finished it but it didn't leave any lasting impressions. I know you can do better, Korea...

Most anticipated QLs of 2024

Vampire Project (BOUNPREM VAMPIRE BL!!! I CAN DIE HAPPY ONCE THIS IS FINALLY ON MY SCREEN)

Jack & Joker (War finally getting his villain role let's fucking goooo)

IFYLITA Season 2 (PLEASE GOD MAKE IT HAPPEN P L E A S E also special ep WHEN????)

Spare Me Your Mercy (i will always be a slut for crime BLs)

23.5 Degrees (give it to us!!! LET US INNNN!!!)

My Love Mix-Up TH (istg if gmmtv doesn't learn from this whole cherry magic debacle...)

Eyes on you (even more spy/mafia/crime BL yes and thank you!)

Uranus 2324 (the production?? the story?? the cinematography??? I need it NOW)

Red Peafowl (this is either gonna be really bad or really good and I'm curious to see which one it's gonna be)

(I had Stay With Me S2 on this list until it was announced as cancelled on Jan 1st 😭😭 I wil never recover)

2023 Superlatives

Most iconic intro: Only Friends (long live First's thighs)

Quickest drop: Middleman’s Love (i was rooting for you Jade!)

Best supporting character: Tin's grandma - Laws of Attraction (sweetest lil supportive grandma who didn't deserve any of this)

Best Worst character: Jaewon's girlfriend - The Eighth Sense (I think this is the only bitchy ex-gf of the entire year and I'm glad about it)

Best side pairing: ChenAi - Kiseki: Dear to Me (do they even count as a side pairing anymore? If not then I'd go with GuyNawa - Dangerous Romance)

Best could have been if the writers wanted us to: NameSaifah - Dangerous Romance (no it was NOT enough!)

Biggest green flag: Win - Between Us (asking for consent is so sexyyy) / Yai - IFYLITA (he's the softest, most caring boy who's so so in love)

Biggest red flag (affectionate): Hira - Utsukushii Kare (my boy highkey needs therapy but Kiyoi wouldn't want it any other way so we'll let it slide) / Lom - Wedding Plan (the way he went about things was... questionable but I understand his reasoning behind it so I can't hate him)

Biggest red flag (derogatory): Boeing - Only Friends (bro just wanted to fuck with - literally and metaphorically - every and anyone and I respect that but dude...)

Most iconic kiss: Lee Won/Ji Oh - Why R U? KR (this was so fucking unexpected but they ate and left absolutely no crumbs)

Most iconic makeout scene: YangJai - Love in Translation (IN A GROCERY STORE?? FINGERS IN MOUTH??!)

Most iconic sex scene: TopBoston - Only Friends (oohhh the DRAMA of it all… truly gagged everyone with this)

Best unhinged horny scene: Jom - IFYLITA (I will never be able to look at massage oil without thinking about this...)

Best gays on a bike scene: Stay With Me (like… facing each other…. grinning at each other.... give me a minute)

Newest addition to the poor lil meow meow collection: Ai Di - Kiseki: Dear to Me (my feral murder kitten I LOVE YOU SO MUUUUUUCHHH)

And there we have it! What a year it's been... I can't wait for 2024 to be just as wonderful, unhinged, crazy and amazing. If you've read until this point I wanna thank you for enduring all that and also for supporting me and my edits throughout this year. Whether we're moots or not I truly appreciate every single person that interacts with me on this hellsite 🫶❤️

[adoredontour]

every fic that left a lasting impression with me this year. sorted in order of when i read them!! 

buckle up lads, it’s a long one

nicotine by krisstylinson 32k

"We're two different types of people, Liam. He likes sex and drugs, I like theater and tea. Trust me, we'd never date." Except they would, they do, and neither of them plans on letting go anytime soon.

"Just because you can get me hard doesn't mean I like you," Louis whispered. The fact was, he didn't like Harry right now, not at all. Not even a bit.

"Yeah, yeah," Harry murmured, his breath fanning over Louis' cock as he spoke. "You done telling me how much you hate me so I can suck you off?"

like candy in my veins by littlelouishiccups 31k @littlelouishiccups

Basically the A/B/O, enemies to lovers, fake relationship, Christmas AU that nobody asked for

worth dying for by whoknows

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Louis says, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. In the center of the table, a set of three glossy photos stares up at him, mocking him.

“A security detail is non-negotiable, Louis, you know this,” his mum reminds him, tapping the middle photo with two fingers.

Louis doesn’t look back down at the pictures, gesturing towards them wildly, over-dramatically. “This is not a security detail!” he protests. “This is a lanky college student. In what world do you hire someone like this kid to protect me?”

damn your love, damn your lies by ifthat

“Of course you’d use your free time to go to the gym.”

“Your idea of the best way to spend your free time is annoying your neighbors,” he laughs, dimples carved into his cheeks like marble.

No, Louis likes to annoy Harry. Everyone else on this floor is just an unfortunate casualty.

“No one has complained except for you,” Louis informs him smartly. Which is actually a good thing. If someone other than Harry had complained to him long ago, he would have unfortunately had to stop.

you came into my life by disgruntledkittenface @disgruntledkittenface

When the Queer Eye cast and crew sweep into Louis’ small town and fire station to make over his best friend and coworker Liam, Louis’ carefully constructed walls start to fall down and he has to face his fears – and the only guy he’s ever been able to see a future with.

a thousand miles from comfort by littlelouishiccups 

In which Louis is a closeted gay actor and a recovering addict with a troubled past. Harry is the personal trainer who helps him get his life back in shape.

smaller than me by checkthemargins 

Harry's just finished his first year of uni on his way to becoming Dr. Harry Styles, Neurosurgeon. He's young, he has endless potential, three amazing best mates, a new love and the world at his fingertips. The fact that his new boyfriend may or may not be a sex-worker, of course, throws a wrench into the works. But it's not true. Really.

Probably.

It most definitely might not be entirely true. And that's all Harry needs to know.

escapade (i was late to the game shut up) by dolce_piccante

In the grand scheme of things, finding a date for a wedding should be no problem for Louis Tomlinson. He's rich. He's handsome. He's reasonably well behaved. But when the wedding is for his lifelong best friend (and former boyfriend), and is happening in under a month, finding a date for the ceremony and accompanying festivities becomes more of an adventure than he ever could have planned for.

soft hands, fast feet, can’t lose by dolce_piccante

American Uni AU. Harry Styles is a frat boy football star from the wealthy Styles Family athletic dynasty. A celebrity among football fans, he knows how to play, he knows how to party, and he knows how to fuck (all of which is well known among his legion of admirers).

Louis Tomlinson is a student and an athlete, but his similarities to Harry end there. Intelligent, focused, independent, and completely uninterested in Harry’s charms, Louis is an anomaly in a world ruled by football.

A bet about the pair, who might be more similar than they originally thought, brings them together. Shakespeare, ballet, Disney, football, library chats, running, accidental spooning, Daredevil and Domino’s Pizza all blend into one big friendship Frappucino, but who will win in the end?

oh glory by alivingfire @alivingfire

Harry Styles is Team Great Britain's newest swimmer, and has spent his whole life training for this moment, a chance at the gold medal in the Rio 2016 Olympics. All his training, hard work, and dedication to no distractions is tested when he's assigned to the same Rio apartment as Louis Tomlinson, British gymnast and Harry's childhood crush.

it’s all brand new because of you by supernope

AKA, Louis starts a new job as a summer camp counselor at the local aquarium and Harry is a biologist who really likes teaching people about the ocean.

this wicked game by cherrystreet @cherrystreet

An AU in which The Bachelor is gay, Louis is a contestant, Harry is the bachelor, everyone drinks a lot of champagne, the entire world gets to watch them fall in love, and no one plays by the rules.

do not go gentle by afirethatcannotdie @afirethatcannotdie

When Harry Styles starts his first day as a surgical intern, he expects a lot of things: to treat patients, to observe a surgery, to feel a bit overwhelmed. What he definitely doesn't expect, however, is that the handsome guy he kicked out of his bed this morning is also an intern.

A Grey’s Anatomy AU where tensions are high, Harry and Louis are hooking up in secret, and no one has time for love. Or do they?

to brim with fright by hereforlou @hereforlou

The only reason he’s here is because it’s tradition. And also, Harry said it’d be fun to make Liam wet himself in fear and Louis agreed. It’ll be hilarious. He’s not an insecure new transfer anymore, thank you very much. It took him no more than a week to insert himself into a group, to get invited to his first party, and to start crushing on someone—he’s not what anyone would call socially impaired. He doesn’t need validation.

have you coming back again by whoknows

It’s five o’clock in the morning. Louis has a lecture at half eight. He could be using this time to study or to do his readings or to go to the gym, but - well. He doesn’t have any exams coming up, he’s not going to his seminar today anyway and he hates the gym.

Instead he’s using this time to fuck with Harry Styles’ poor little brain.

Louis jogs across the street and jabs the key into the car door. It opens easily, not that he was expecting anything else. He copied the key for a reason, after all.

He’s got Harry’s schedule memorized, more because the guy keeps following him around than anything, so he doesn’t bother looking around before climbing behind the wheel and setting his bag on the passenger seat. It’s a Monday, which means that Harry doesn’t even get out of bed before noon unless he’s planning on harassing Louis.

i put a spell on you by bethaboo @bethaboolou

A BBC/Secret Santa mashup featuring Captain Niall, our intrepid weatherman/amateur matchmaker, rather clueless sports reporter Liam, charming political analyst Zayn, and cheeky entertainment reporter Louis. Harry is the new fashion correspondent who prefers to dress like a flamingo. And pining. There’s a lot of pining.

naked & proud by kiwikero 

In which Harry runs an organic store, not a nudist colony, and Louis doesn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed.

take me under the blue by objectlesson

Louis hasn’t even seen his legs yet. He doesn’t know how they work or how long they’ll be. Maybe they won’t suit the rest of Harry at all, and he’ll have to grow into them or something. It doesn’t matter; Louis has loved Harry for a year with scales, so he can’t imagine wonky legs putting a damper on his attraction.

He supposes he’ll just have to find out. In the meantime, he wonders how the fuck he got here, in his squelching wellies about to save the love of his life from the sea and take him to bed and bang him for the very first time.

It’s sort of a long story.

paint the sky with stars by kiwikero

the historically accurate Titanic AU with a happy ending.

truth be told i never was yours by justfortommo

(or the one where Louis and Harry have a complicated past, Louis is getting married to someone that’s not Harry, and the universe has decided to have a laugh and make Harry the wedding planner.) 

into the badlands

Louis is Q. Harry is a double-oh agent who thinks that making knock-knock jokes around foreign embassy delegates mid-mission is a good idea.

swim in the smoke by whoknows

“What about this, Captain?” Liam asks, nudging the boy kneeling between their feet with the toe of his boot. The boy hisses and swipes at him, slurring out something unintelligible around the makeshift gag Niall had to stuff in his mouth. He misses by a mile and tries again, just as ineffectively.

Harry looks down at him, at the way the sun streams over his face and shoulders, at the way the gag stretches his mouth, lips pink and chapped. He’s lithe and pretty, smudged all over with dirt. They had found him tied up below deck, mostly unconscious, next to a barrel full of gold. He’s clearly a prisoner, but there’s something familiar about him, something that niggles at Harry’s brain. Something he can’t quite put his finger on.

“Put him in my cabin,” Harry decides, turning back to deal with the rest of the loot. The boys screams out jumbled curse words at Harry’s back, muffled by the gag, and Harry can’t understand any of it.

resist everything except temptation by domesticharry @domestic-harry

The one where Louis is the commodore's son who is forced to become a part of Harry's crew when he is captured.

pray till i go blind by el_em_en_oh_pee 

Louis is (kind of) a preacher. Harry is (probably) a demon. Of course, nothing's as simple as that.

This is not a love story.

(your heartbeat) rang true inside my bones by flimsy @flimsi

Harry goes as Louis' date for a weekend wedding. He ends up taking the role a bit too seriously.

i love your demons (like devils can) by ariadne_odair

Harry didn’t plan to join the football team. She didn’t plan to sleep with the captain of the football team. She definitely didn’t plan to sleep with the closeted captain of the football team, who promptly acted as if nothing happened and left Harry a pathetic, pining mess.

alien roadtrip! by helloamhere @helloamhere

roadtrip with desert feelings, too much snack food, and empty motels. Harry is definitely absolutely not an alien. That would be ridiculous.

treat mothman with kindness by flowercrownfemme @lesbianiconharrystyles

In which Louis, Liam, Niall and Zayn are amateur cryptozoologists and Harry is the creature they find in the woods of a small north-western town. ft. lots of glitter and shrieking and a whole shed full of lesbian cats.

just me, you, and this box of matches by tomlinsunshine

Louis is fairly sure that his new neighbour is going to destroy him. And also their apartment building, and the dumpsters outside, and all the forests within a thirty mile radius. But. Mostly him.

close to nowhere by angelichl @angelichl

Louis and Harry are psychics who kind of hate each other. They go to Tennessee to investigate a haunting. 

magical soup by gloria_andrews

Slytherin prefect Louis Tomlinson's seventh year at Hogwarts takes an immediate turn for the worse when he's made to be potions partners with Harry Styles, Hufflepuff's resident heartthrob and class clown. Louis has always considered Styles to be a terrible show-off who coasts by on his charm and good looks, but the more they work together, the more he questions that idea. As term goes on, will Louis be able to admit to himself that he might actually like Harry Styles after all... and maybe, just maybe, as more than a friend?

sainted taints and velvet vices by toomanytears

A self-fulfilling Hogwarts AU in which Louis is new to seventh year and Harry is the resident devil-may-care Slytherin set to make his entire experience a living misery. Due to less than favourable circumstances they're forced to forge an unwilling, tentative relationship for their own survival. Repressed emotions, decidedly unromantic ballroom dancing, Triwizard Tournament tasks, creative jinxes and twilight flying above the Forbidden Forest ensue.

run like the devil by benzos

Supernatural AU. Louis hunts demons; Harry's the strangest demon he's ever met, and he keeps fucking meeting him.

be with me so happily by briamaria

[aka Louis is the director of the Styles Elephant Sanctuary and really doesn't want to babysit his funder's spoiled lay-about son for two months]

come together by bottomlinsons @bottomlinsons

Harry and Louis slept together three weeks ago, and haven't talked.

Their coming group project is gonna change that.

what this world is about by isntrio @bloubird

An eighties American high school AU; there are first times, football games, and feelings.

Alternatively titled: the beginning.

once upon a dream by thedeathchamber

Louis is psychic and gets caught in the middle of a murder investigation led by FBI Special Agent Harry Styles.

aka. the Medium/Criminal Minds-inspired AU no one ever asked for.

led by your beating heart by missandrogyny @missandrogyny

(Or: AU where Harry's in One Direction, Louis isn't, and they reconnect over a game of 'Call or Delete'.)

forever and always by jacaranda_bloom @jacaranda-bloom (again, thank you!!!!!!!)

OR the one where Harry’s neighbour is a crotchety old witch who hates vampires, Niall is the unsuspecting human who ends up inhabiting Harry’s body, and Louis is the caseworker who is assigned to swap them back. How it ends up a love story is anyone’s guess.

sail your sea, meet your storm by kiwikero

The strangers to enemies to friends to pining to lovers fic where Louis is cynical, Harry is charming, and they have seven days to get their shit together.

tangled up in you by missandrogyny

Harry blinks once. And blinks again. And says, his voice dangerous: “Niall, did you get me a mail-order bride?”

Because what the actual fuck. It kind of looks like Niall’s just purchased a person. For Harry.

Niall blinks back at him for a few moments, before throwing his head back and howling with laughter. Harry throws a pillow at him. Hard. “No, what the fuck, Harry.”

“A prostitute then?” Harry also doesn't want a prostitute.

“Of course not!”

“A stripper?”

“No!”

Damn, he’s running out of ideas. He settles for launching another pillow at Niall’s head. Niall bats it away easily, still laughing. “Stop!”

“What did you get me, then?!” Niall must hear the tinge of hysteria in his voice, because he’s pulling himself together, trying to stop himself from laughing.

There’s still a big grin on his face, though, when he says, “I got you a professional cuddler.”

A professional…what. “What?”

i’d burn this city down to show you the light by you_explode 

Harry's a sheltered rich kid and Louis's a punk with a heart of gold. They meet when Louis breaks into Harry's house, Harry obtains an instant and all-encompassing crush, and they spend the summer falling into a whirlwind romance.

sail your sea, meet your storm by kiwikero

Louis is thirty, single, and a bit of a workaholic. He's happy with his life, but then his mother decides to buy him tickets for a Singles Cruise. Appalled that his family thinks he can't handle his own love life, he steps aboard the ship determined to have a terrible time.

That is, of course, until a persistent brunet keeps offering him drinks.

The strangers to enemies to friends to pining to lovers fic where Louis is cynical, Harry is charming, and they have seven days to get their shit together.

bring out feelings in me i never show

“I really think you should stop reading,” Liam says, having moved to hover behind Louis’ back at some point. “I can already see the cogs turning in your head, Louis, and I don’t like this.”

“Shut up,” Louis waves him off and continues reading.

I can do these things, at your request: openly hit on other female guests while you act like you don’t notice; start instigative discussions about politics and/or religion; propose to you in front of everyone; pretend to be really drunk as the evening goes on (sorry I don’t drink, but I used to); start an actual, physical fight with a family member, either inside or on the front lawn for all the neighbors to see.

remember you well by fondleeds @fondleeds

“Um,” Harry starts. He looks out of place. Louis can’t really believe he’s seeing Harry like this, so unsettled, so unlike himself. He holds out his hands. “Should we–. Should I, um. Did you wanna, like, cuff me to the bed or something?”

Louis raises his eyebrows. “I don’t know. Do I need to?”

i love you most by stylinsoncity

friends with benefits has always been enough for louis. until, of course, it isn't.

ready to fall by whoknows

“Ninety and rising,” Nick says triumphantly, as though making Harry’s heartbeat pick up by thrusting an obscenely attractive person in front of his face is any kind of success. “Louis Tomlinson has just walked into our control room and suddenly our dear Harry Styles has lost all ability to speak. Could this be some kind of strange coincidence?”

“I hate you,” Harry hisses, forcing his eyes back into Nick’s direction, uncaring that the mic must have picked it up. “I thought we agreed that you were going to play fair.”

“I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Nick denies, except he’s holding up a picture of Louis’ face now, sharp cheekbones prominent, soft lashes nearly sweeping against his cheeks as he looks down, and his fucking mouth –

“A hundred and two!” Nick crows, all but clapping his hands together in glee. “The highest it’s ever been!”

“To be fair, I did bend over the desk on purpose,” Louis’ voice comes crackling in the headphones. Harry practically breaks his neck whipping his head around at the sound of it, gaping at him through the glass panel. “You can’t really blame him for getting a little excited about that, can you?”

[exyjunkies]

pls continue the did andreil fic :)

that smiley tho… are y’all mad at me lmao anyway SINCE I’M FEELING IT TODAY!!! here’s part four. a long-ish entry yay

a/n: i’m not going to continue this on the blog anytime soon, but hopefully i’ll do a complete rewrite (with the parts already up on tumblr worked into it) and upload a beast of a fic on my ao3 hehe just tell me if you guys would like that!

i’m also about to hit 1.3k followers on this blog so thank you thank you thank you all so much for sticking around, i love you guys!

part one | part two | part three 

Neil hated coming back to himself.

Or that’s what Andrew seemed to see, judging from his view outside the hospital room. That’s all he saw, anyway, before the doctors had to block his way and send him away.

Ever since Natha/Neil got to the hospital, the doctors have had a hard enough time keeping Andrew out of the room whenever there was an episode, and Andrew has had a hard enough time trying to explain himself along with the fact that he was their best shot at keeping Natha/Neil down. Well, as well-behaved as he could manage himself to be. 

Instead, Andrew made himself comfortable a floor below, beside the vending machine. He’s mastered the art of ignoring the innocents that went up to the machine and purchased consumables enough for their visit. Undoubtedly, they’ve all heard of Neil’s case - famous Exy player plus identity crisis plus teammate with anger issues for a boyfriend? Who wouldn’t be intrigued?

Long gone were the days that a bunch of homophobic assholes was Andrew’s biggest problem. He now had to deal with the judgement that came from hospital regulars, families who knew of the Foxes and didn’t equate them to sickly or dying or damaged. 

For all they knew, Andrew supposed he couldn’t expect some shitheads to ever understand, so he just kept it in. Besides, it wasn’t as if he was having an easier time to deal with the situation.

A book landed with a thud on a seat two seats away from Andrew. A Place of Greater Safety, the hardcover book shouted at Andrew. Kevin sat down on Andrew’s left, setting his coffee on top of his book and handing Andrew his.

“Did they say anything?” Andrew grumbled, not looking up from his Rubiks cube. He twisted the sides around, the algorithm making the insides of his head whir. The 3x3 toy was one of the few things that helped keep him at bay. His eidetic memory was both a blessing and a curse - he remembered the day Neil got it for him, as if it were just yesterday. 

Here, Andrew, catch. The plastic cube had just barely reached Andrew’s hands. Neil had stifled a laugh at Andrew’s blinks.

What is this, Josten? He replied, sitting up and turning it around. It’s not as if he hasn’t seen the damned contraption before - just that it never occurred to him that it would be this complicated. The unmatched sides and edges seemed to be mocking him. The cube had been shuffled. The bright colors made Andrew’s head pound. A lot, Andrew had noted, like Neil did.

Something a lot less complicated than the both of us are. Thought you’d like it.

This is lame, Andrew had answered back, annoyance apparent in his tone. 

A few hours later, he was busy frowning at Neil’s smirk — the cube solved and on the bed. Mentally, he had registered 764% as he left the room and slammed the door shut.

“Doctors are keeping their mouth shut,” Kevin replied, sipping from his coffee cup and making a grimace. “Something about security purposes. Damn. Just because Neil’s a Fox—”

Andrew moved the top layer on his cube with his pinky. “Wasting my time is not enjoyable, Day.” 

Wrinkling his nose, Kevin reached for his coffee and book. “I’m not happy either, don’t worry.” He grabbed his book and replaced it with his coffee, leaning forward as he began to read. 

The second layer on Andrew’s cube was close to being solved. Up. Right. Up again. Back down. Middle layer back right.

Briefly, he registered the television above them, a weather program on the screen.

“We’re seeing some rainy skies today, folks,” the weatherman said. Behind him was a chart explaining the temperatures for today and the next few days. A map of America was shaded in different colors. 

A man in a white doctors’ coat appeared around their corner and seemed to be looking for someone.

“Is an Andrew Minyard here?” The doctor inquired, clipboard in hand and a stethoscope around his neck.

Andrew looked up and put two fingers up, and beside him, Kevin put down his book.

“We’re sorry we kept you waiting,” the doctor continued, a concerned look on his face. “I know we called you over here because Mr. Josten was in pain, and Mr. Minyard’s name was mentioned one too many times, but when a patient is in his critical stages, we don’t want anyone suffering the consequences. Hence, we do our best to control the situation as best as we could before moving forward.

“Now, as you’re both probably aware,” at this, the doctor looked at a paper on his clipboard, “Mr. Josten has dissociative identity disorder, so he might not remember calling out for you, or, quite possibly, who you are at all. I just wanted to give you both a heads up before coming in. Do you have any other concerns?”

Andrew merely stared back at the doctor. He put his Rubiks cube in Kevin’s messenger bag. Kevin put a hand on his arm and replied, “No. We’re alright.”

“I see. This way, please.”

They both stood up, and made their way to Neil’s room. 

“Do you, um,” Kevin started, then paused to reconsider his words. They passed by an old woman in a wheelchair, being wheeled by a nurse. “Would you know who he is today?”

The doctor held his clipboard to his chest. They ascended the stairs of the hospital, the cool air conditioning evident on the railings.

“As Mr. Minyard was mentioned, I’d like to guess he’s Neil today,” the doctor replied. They went up to Natha/Neil’s hospital room, and Andrew stilled, his entire body rigid.

“If you guys have any questions or problems, just page. There are buttons by his bed.” And just like that, the doctor was gone.

The both of them stayed outside for long enough that Andrew started to wonder if they were ever going to muster the courage to go in. If it was ever going to be worth seeing Neil again. His last encounter with Nathaniel still burned in the back of his mind.

A light tap on his shoulder shook him out of it. “I’m going in,” Kevin murmured. “If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”

And then with the open and close of the door, Andrew was alone.

Peering at Kevin through the window, Andrew checked if there were any unusual reactions, if the person on the hospital bed would recognize Kevin. If the person on the hospital bed would even matter.

He remembered how things were back when he wanted nothing. He had made that so evident in everything that he did, in all that he said, in all his attitudes.

Inside the room, Andrew saw Kevin’s arm grip the side of the bed, and a hand on his arm. Kevin was shaking, his head bowed down.

Was he crying? Andrew didn’t know what to make of that. Kevin Day, in all the years they’ve known each other, had never once cried. Or at least, he never showed it.

Something still tugged at Andrew’s heart. As hard as he tried to not feel anything, to not get angry at the world because it was directionless, useless, and it would not change anything, he really can’t help it. Exhaling, he put his hand on the door handle, and opened the door.

The beeping machine was the first thing he heard. The second was the unmistakable yelling of a crowd on the overhead television. Andrew walked in, and looked up.

It was an Exy game. The Bluebadge Bears v.s.the Eastside Warriors.

“The Warriors have always been one of those teams with potential,” Neil was saying to Kevin, a sparkle in his eyes that Andrew hadn’t seen for so long. Fuck. He hadn’t seen those eyes in particular in so goddamn long.

Neil stopped speaking when he saw Andrew, and sat up a little straighter instead. Andrew felt so much tension around his body. He was unsure if that was a good thing or not.

Between the both of them, Kevin quickly brought a hand up to his eyes, and said hurriedly, “I’ll go get some sandwiches from the cafeteria.”

Then, to Neil, he said, “I’m glad you’re still an Exy addict. Wouldn’t know what to do if you weren’t.”

Neil smiled, and waved as Kevin exited the room.

As the door closed, Andrew went up to Neil, and gripped the edge of the bed with one of his hands. 

“I didn’t think you’d visit,” Neil muttered, gripping Andrew’s arm through his hoodie. Andrew hated that he still had the capacity to mind Andrew’s personal space, even though he was fucking hospitalized.

“I didn’t think Day would cry, but I guess we’re wrong on both counts,” Andrew replied, putting his other hand up to Neil’s cheek, to his jaw.

He felt Neil’s laughter through the side of his throat. “Heh. Yeah. What a drama queen.”

And the both of them stayed there, just like that, staring into each other’s eyes.

Neil had gotten a little thinner, a little paler, but he was still the same annoying man Andrew had gotten to know. Andrew’s eyes followed all the wires attached to Neil, trailed across the restraint marks on his arms.

When Neil saw where Andrew had been looking, he put a hand to his opposite arm. “I woke up from some nightmare, some… some thing that my stupid mind cooked up. I don’t remember much of it. Apparently I went wild and needed to be sedated. It’s been one or two days since that episode, though.”

Andrew knew the episode only happened six or seven hours ago. “It’s over now.”

Neil nodded. “Yeah. Kiss me?”

Leaning forward, Andrew kept staring into Neil’s eyes. He briefly heard the drone of the Exy game above them, the beeping of the machines, the flat sound of the room’s air-conditioning. 

“Yes or no?”

“Yes.”

And then Andrew kissed him, starting out light, mostly out of consideration for the fact that Neil was hospitalized. A simple peck, to satisfy Neil’s primary request. Later on, if he was asked to explain, he would say it only deepened because Neil pulled him in, held him still with a hand on the back of his neck, and opened his mouth enough to draw more of Andrew in.

And then in the heat of the moment, Andrew was suddenly straddling Neil, who sat up straighter to meet Andrew’s eyes.

“You know, Kevin’s not going to be back for an hour or two, at most,” Neil said, waggling his eyebrows and sensually running his hands up and down Andrew’s arms.

Andrew practically growled. “Junkie. This was supposed to be a quick hospital visit.”

“So what. We have time.” Neil rubbed his crotch up against Andrew, who groaned because damn, these hospital gowns aren’t subtle. Neil was already half-hard at this point, and with enough time, they would both be fully hard.

“Mmm. Fine. But only you.”

And then they were kissing again, with Neil’s hands on Andrew’s thighs and Andrew’s hands holding Neil’s face up. Andrew was thrusting, his thigh going up and down Neil’s erection. Pre-come already stained his hospital gown. He lowered Neil back towards the bed and went down his neck, biting and licking at the spot where he knew Neil liked it most.

“Ugh. Andrew, don’t stop,” Neil gasped into his ear, and Andrew bit his neck, eliciting a loud moan.

Neil hadn’t been under him like this for such a long time that Andrew’s mind almost short-circuited. He pulled up Neil’s hospital gown and took him in his hand, making Neil’s breath hitch.

Stroking Neil slowly, Andrew growled into his ear, “I missed this. You.”

Neil groaned and met his every stroke with an upwards thrust. It was slow, and hard, and evident that they both wanted this to last.

”Andrew, you do not know how much,” Neil got out, in between heavy breaths, “How much. God. I have thought of you. Of you— ugfh. Doing this to me.”

Andrew was going to have to jack off later after hearing that. ”Mmm. Neil—”

”Fuck, yes.”

As Andrew quickened the pace a bit, Neil leaned up to suck on Andrew’s neck. Andrew grunted - this was even better than he remembered.

”Where— fuuuck. Where can I touch you?”

It felt really good, good enough that Andrew didn’t have time to think. He looked down at Neil’s dick in his hand, hard and slick. 

”Ugh— anywhere. For now.” Neil responded by reaching down and palming Andrew through his crotch, which made Andrew grit his teeth. The pleasure was so overwhelming.

They spent the next half hour like that: Andrew jacking Neil off, and Neil with his mouth on Andrew’s neck and his hand down Andrew’s jeans. It was full of panting and groaning and the bed was creaking, but there seemed to be no concern coming from either of them if they would break it. He heard the loud slip and slide of his hand against Neil’s dick.

Andrew ran his thumb across Neil’s slit, and Neil groaned into Andrew’s neck. “Yes, fuckfuckfuck.” He thrust up faster, and Andrew, breathing hard, matched his pace.

”I’m close, fuck, yes, yes, yes—“

”Come on, Neil. Come on.”

”Andrew.” It almost sounded like a prayer. 

With a deep moan, Neil came, his mouth open, his cum spilling all over his gown and Andrew’s clothes. Andrew kept going until he was done. Then, with a swift motion, he sat back, pulled down his fly, and grabbed his dick. He was close to coming himself.

”Hey,” Neil panted, holding onto Andrew’s wrist. “Let me?”

Andrew nodded. “Yes.”

Then Neil’s hand wrapped around his dick, and Neil was kissing him, and stroking him, and there was so much of Neil everywhere. It felt so good. It only took a few more minutes before Andrew was coming, his groan stifled by Neil’s neck.

After a few minutes of just coming down from the orgasm, Andrew pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped the both of them down. He checked if Kevin was outside, and was relieved to see that no one was outside the door. The game on the television was done, and a commercial was playing. Neil was looking at him, both his hands back on the bed.

“Andrew,” Neil whispered, and Andrew looked at him. Neil’s eyes were full of that– that thing, and Andrew hated it so much.

He hated Neil so much.

“I hate you,” Andrew replied, and leaned forward to kiss Neil again. The kiss was slow, deep, and filthy. Neil wrapped an arm around his waist, and pulled Andrew closer to his body. Andrew took note of the way Neil kissed him, with such passion and meaning.

It was a moment he never wanted to end.

[margothuxley]

About weight gain

I’ve been somewhat obsessed with weight loss for sometime - like around 2007 or so.  I worked in an office where the women were thin and wore nice clothes.  People sometimes would look at my belly section when I’d see them in the hall way.  It made me conscious of my weight (which I gained after I left a job that required me to stand a lot and wear size 4 suits and got to a desk job).  So (Sue Erb is writing this along with me, she’s a fangirl of mine, lol) I decided to get fit and there was a gym in the area, I joined, and lost some weight.  I also joined WW and it was also helpful.  Then I gained some more weight back over that what I weighed before I lost.  I lost some hair (thin spot on the crown).  

It made me feel - the weight loss - a bit good and I could fit into my JCrew corduroys rather well.  But Sue told me something disparaging about the corduroys - said it was a bit old fashioned and recalled the times in her high school (I guess) that ppl there wore them. It got me downcast and so I didn’t wear the cords anymore even though my SO then, Colin Firth, loved me in them.

Then after I got more weight on, I thought of trying supplements to ‘boost my energy and metabolism’ and that made it rather dangerous for what I seemed to have at the time - high blood pressure.  I got the Word from Colin to stop ASAP.  I did.  

Then later on, another big fat blonde in the office had a meal she was prepping to eat and i asked her something and she volunteered that she was working on losing weight doing some keto diet that a clinic in town was doing.  The clinic was at Arnett for sometime. I don’t know if it’s still operating.  But I joined and they took some funky tests (using something that you step on and it goes into some light flashy stuff and then tells somebody all about your metabolism or whatnot) and then I got on this diet - fat stuff, coconut oil for cooking, cream instead of milk, and well, I only lost 7 lbs! So I went to see the assistant person and then the doctor told her to call me and she said she was going to give me an Rx for metformin, a diabetes med.  It was not a good thing to think I’d have to be on a diabetes med for a long time just so I could lose weight. My dad had to take it for his diabetes (which seemed to be due to one of his other meds, Toprol which elevates blood sugar levels as a side effect).  I must confess my dad and I were clueless at the time!  So I took a couple of doses.  On the Friday of that week, the weatherman predicted a heavy snowfall.  But I suffered a great back ache.  I called the nurse at the clinic about it.  She feared something and directed me to go to the ER! I said NO, and she was not happy. She said I’ll be dead or something of a heart problem.  I said NO to that as well.  I told her that I’m not about to wait for hours to get the MDs there at the ER to make me get into the hospital or what not and then I said I’m not about to be stranded in the ER and have to wait till the snow got cleared off to get out.  I hung up on her and ditched the metformin.

I did not return there.  The MD called or at least left a message.

Funny that the MD got to do a lot more and seems to have gotten a big promotion and now heads a big clinic somewhere.  But I think it’s time to tell people here that these fad diets (like another one where they inject HGH into a patient) are NOT GOOD.  I think that the advertisment industry has made thin such a big seller.  Clothes are much better looking on a person who’s thin.  The belted outfits, the sheath dresses, the band aid dresses, all those have made women like me so fucking into getting to lose weight that it has made me and others suffer a TON of pain and self-hatred.

I think we as women who love their bodies as they are should be united in keeping our own selves alive and not die for some image that these weird ad men and women are trying to put out there. We cannot be whores anymore to those who think they can fool us, take our well-earned money, and all that, to invest in what they think we can do to thin ourselves.  I am sure that people are sad to see this but we have to keep our bodies from getting that sad looking.

Dr Weil in his website thinks people ought to have 10 more pounds of weight over their ideal weight to elude the bad diseases that are plaguing every living being in this planet.  I suggest YOU read more about it but I think You should ask Jesus and God to help you so you can control the impulse to go after fad diets, the impulse and addiction to watching these uber thin and glamourous women who belong to some upper stratum of society, and get back to fulfilling your own destinies.

God bless,

Mary