#I am being purposely coy bc I am a little shit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

djemsostylist · 3 years

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Every once in a while a show sort of creeps up on you, you know? You don't really expect much of it, and then it sort of quietly wows you. Ada Masalı is that show.

At its surface, AM is about a city girl who falls for a small town boy, and all the clichés that entails, and that is the core of the story. I think that's part of why it's so good--bc this story had a premise and it's kept that premise solid. City girl moves to small town and falls in love with a local and everyone learns lessons along the way.

But AM takes the tropes and clichés and does them well. I've written before about how they take the basics and give them just enough "oomph" to make them special. I'll quote myself here, if I may:

Haziran and Poyraz both seem to fit into pretty typical roles: gruff, silent man and bubbly, talkative woman. But they’ve given each character enough nuance to move them out of the typical mold. Yes, Haziran is bubbly and talkative and a little overly loud, but she has a reason for it–silence in her childhood meant anger and fighting with her mother, and she learned how to fill the silence with talking. She is also very competent at her job, genuinely kind, smart, and driven. Poyraz is the “strong, silent” type, but he manages to subvert the “asshole” which far too often comes with the role. Like Haziran, he has some difficulties in his past, but he also seems well adjusted, smart, genuinely kind, focused, and again, competent. He and Haziran are true equals in this show, which is rare in romcom couples, particularly Turkish ones. They both are in similar financial situations, they both seem to have similar philosophies and outlooks, and, perhaps most importantly, they are both head over heels for each other and they both know it, even if they are unable to say it out loud just yet.

At the time when I wrote the above piece, I believe we were just before episode 6 or 7, so the secret hadn't been revealed yet, and at the time I speculated that it was likely to drop before their relationship started, and I was correct. This show continues to take the obvious and turn it on its head.

Poyraz and Haziran are one of the few dizi couples, and certainly the only romcom couple, I've seen where they have entered into a relationship that isn't built on a fragile house of cards held together by mutual attraction. This couple is completely and totally all in, and it makes sense. They've had conversation upon conversation about their parents, their past, their fears, their insecurities, their concerns. They've seen each other vulnerable and hurting and scared and been there for each other at their lowest. They have complete and total trust in each other, in their love for each other, in their relationship.

There is attraction yes, certainly, god is there ever, but there is also a deep affection. They like each other, which may seem a silly thing to fixate on, but so many times with couples I ask myself "okay, but do they even like each other though?" and in this case, they genuinely do. Poyraz loves her rambling and her overreactions and the way she hops from one idea to the other but somehow always manages to make it work. He loves that she works hard and never pawns off the hard jobs and he loves how genuinely kind and caring she is. He memorizes everything because he liked her before he loved her, and that's huge. And same for her. She loves his kindness and his empathy, his ability to fix broken electronics and his stubbornness when it comes to getting his way. She loves his honesty and his pride and the way he can't ever really say no to her. I think she also really loves that he doesn't let his past affect who he is. There's a connection between them that started with a spark but grew into something actually real.

The best bit, though, is that this is the first romcom couple I've seen (there may be more) that enter the relationship on completely equal terms, no secrets, and no uncertainties. All their secrets from each other were cleared up long before they ever said I love you. They are both in a similar place life wise--financially they are both probably around equal in terms of overall assets, they both have equal romantic histories (probably a series of short term relationships but nothing big or long lasting), they both value hard work and honesty and kindness, they are both mature adults who have been "out" of their parents house so to speak (yes, both still live with their respective parents, but neither play the typical "kid" role--they both are honestly more in the caretaker role), they are both college educated with business acumen. They both have had difficulties in their past, but neither allow those issues to hurt others--they both possess enough self-awareness to know how their issues effect them personally and they both work to ensure their issues don't become someone else's burden. Poyraz helping her with her fear of water or Haziran talking him through his mother are not them burdening each other, or using their issues as a reason to avoid a relationship--on the contrary, they build their bond by supporting each other through their pain. And, and this one is perhaps most important, they both love each other equally, and they both knew it before it was ever said outloud. That Poyraz could say "I love you" and Haziran could say it right back, no hesitation, speaks volumes to where they are both individually and as a couple.

Perhaps what's been the most refreshing is them communicating, constantly. When these two fight, they share their issues, their anger, their irritation, and then they work through it. The way they talk through their issues, every time, is honestly stunning for how completely refreshing it is. When they get mad at each other, they don't act like everything is fine while actively treating the other like crap--they explain the reasons behind their anger/irritation, they listen, they talk. The scene this episode of their banter after their fight on the first date was incredibly refreshing--bc it wasn't actually fighting. Haz was upset bc Poyraz ruined their first date--which he acknowledges, apologizes for, and then makes up to her, and she accepts. Their playful flirting in the kitchen the next day is just that--fun and playful and both of them are in on it. It's not Haz treating him like shit under the guise of "comedy", it's not him purposely being an obnoxious pain in the ass. It's them being cute and flirty and light after their fight the night before, which they already solved with a text conversation.

What I love most about their relationship is that I buy it. Completely. These are two people who aren't going to run when things get tough, who aren't going to play coy about their feelings, who aren't going to fight just to fight. We've seen them be honest and straightforward in their feelings, good, bad or otherwise. We've seen them fight for each other and their relationship. We've seen them encounter problems (whether in their relationship or in life) and work through them, together. And perhaps the greatest part of their relationship is that they allow each other to be exactly who they are. They are both allowed to feel the things they feel, and the other lets them. They are given a safe space to be themselves, and to know that they will always have the support and love of the other person, no matter what.

I said I thought this show was about love, at it's core, and all the ways love manifests, and I still think that's true. But I think this show is also about happiness--and about the idea that we can't always know exactly what is going to make us happy. True happiness can't always be predicted--what you think might make you happy isn't always what actually does, and sometimes that's a hard thing to accept. All of the characters on this show have a view of the world and what will bring them joy, and one by one I think we are seeing that change. Sometimes what makes you happy is the thing you didn't expect.

This show is hardly perfect. It's a dizi, and it has it's flaws. And without knowing how long it's set to run, the chances of it losing focus is not an impossibility. But this show continues to delight and surprise--from introducing new characters like Batu who are far more than they appear, to continuing to keep us guessing with old ones, I think AM has the chance to be a romcom people remember as being special. I'm hoping right now for between 20-25 episodes, which would allow us to explore their island and it's story in the detail I think it deserves, without leaving too much room for nonsense to creep in.

I think I'll leave this here for now--sometimes a show is more than it seems, and sometimes a show is exactly what it seems. AM is both and neither, and I'd be willing to argue that it's the summer's best. The focus in the diziworld seems to be entirely on the summer's other two romcoms, but AM stays quietly getting better by the week. I look forward to what these writers have in store for us in the weeks to come!

#ada masalı #ayça ayşin turan #alp navruz #djem watches dizis #seriously if you aren't watching this show pls do #its a feel good happy show #thats well written and fun #an honestly seems to be on an upward trajectory #in terms of getting better and better

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jksmoongf · 5 years

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Kissing Fire [pt. 4]

Pairing: Jungkook x reader x girlfriend (oc) Genre: cheater!AU, angst, smut (maybe a tiny bit of fluff) Wordcount: 7.6k Warning: smut, lies, heartbreak and more lies (it’s gonna be one angsty mess) Summary: It always feels like there is only one person in the world to love. And then you find somebody else.

a/n: I don’t condone cheating on your s.o., so please don’t read if you have a problem with this! (also I’m not saying this is something Jungkook would actually do!) *a/n: this chapter is so messy, sorry and long (bc @jaxonah kept throwing ideas my way that I couldn’t pass up on! ILY SAMMY💋) and thank you @cutesycoupsy for proofreading and moral support! ILY 💕 Warning Chap. 4: smut (mentions..kinda??), more jealous!jk, lots of crying & angst, (maybe a different kind of cheating if you squint lol)

She was lying on her back staring at the ceiling, tightly clutching her phone over her chest to stop her hands from shaking. She had yet to reply to Ha-na’s text; still repeating it in her head over and over, analyzing those four words until they had lost all meaning. ‘I know your secret.’

Jungkook rolled over on his side, propping himself up on his elbow. “Maybe she’s talking about something else?” “And what could that be, Jungkook?” She hissed and crooked an eyebrow at him. “You know damn well that she is talking about you and me!” “Y/n, she can’t possibly know about us. No one knows.”

“Maybe she saw us.” She trailed off, trying to remember every little detail about the little time they had spent together the past couple of days. She knew that every time she even dared to let her gaze linger on him for too long, it was a risk she took of getting caught. “We are so screwed.” She whined and hid her face in her hands. “Maybe you should wait with going into full-on panic mode until we know for sure…”

“Are you serious? You are my only secret! How can you be so calm?” He shrugged and let himself fall back into the soft pillows. “I just think it’d be much better if we tried to get some sleep and see what she has to say before we freak out.”

She looked at him, his eyes were closed as he let out a sigh through his slightly parted lips. It wasn’t the right time to admire his features but she couldn’t help herself; he was everything she ever wanted. From his big brown eyes to his cute nose and those lips that felt so right against hers.

“Are you not worried that she will tell Yina what we’re doing?” Her words struck a nerve and he sat up almost immediately; his doe eyes wide open in shock. He had almost forgotten about her; their little bubble momentarily erasing the reality from his memory. “Shit, you’re right.” Jungkook got up, pacing up and down in front of the bed. “If Ha-na tells her it will be worse than me telling her or breaking up with her first.” Hastily he pulled the duvet from the bed, recklessly throwing the pillows on the floor looking for his phone. “What are you doing?” “I just wanna see if she told Yina…” He reached for his phone on the mattress and pressed the home button but there was no text from her. “Thank goodness, I don’t think Ha-na has told her yet.” He sat down, one leg dangling off the bed.

“Do you think she will tell Tae?” Jungkook tilted his head a little, chewing on his bottom lip. His hand automatically wandering to his cheek to pick at the peach fuzz. “I think so, they tell each other everything and if Tae knows he will probably tell Jimin…” He looked at her, her eyes looked unusually wet as if she was about to cry. “If she tells Taehyung he will be so mad at me.” She sniffled and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. Knowing her best friend, it was not even a matter of guessing how he would react if he were to find out about her and Jungkook. Taehyung would be disappointed; never able to look at her in the same way again. “No, he won’t, he loves you! But he will be mad at me and very disappointed and I think the others will be as well.” Lowering his gaze, he let his hand slowly wander over the mattress to place it on hers. It was a pathetic attempt at comforting her but he knew that she would burst into tears if he hugged her now and he couldn’t stand to see her cry.

“I still don’t get how she found out! We have been so careful to not get caught.” That was a lie and they both knew it. There had been moments where they had found themselves lulled into a false sense of security. Sneaking off to seemingly empty corridors or an empty dance studio just to hold hands and make out. “We’re so stupid, we should have been extra careful.” “We were, baby.” He tried to reassure her. He looked down on their hands, both wearing the black leather bracelets with the coordinates from their first ‘official date’. “No, we weren’t. We thought we were but somehow we messed this all up and I’ll never be allowed to see you again.”

“Hey…” He crawled over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “No one is going to stop me from being with you, okay? Not even the other members and even if I have to wrestle against all of them, which I will do because I love you and you know I’d win.” He pressed a chaste kiss on her shoulder, the corners of his mouth pulling up into a smile when he heard her chuckle. “You’re so silly.” She ruffled his hair, making it look messier than it already did. “I doubt you could win against Namjoon or Jin.” “I’ll wrestle Yoongi hyung first and go from there.”

She rolled her eyes, leaning back against his chest. “I hate this…” “What do you mean?” He asked, the warmth of her body against his made him feel drowsy again; needing to rest his cheek against her shoulder blade for support. “Just that…the one night we can spend together something like this has to happen. I just wanted to be with you and not have to worry about our future together.” “It’s going to be okay.” He nestled his face into the soft curve of her nape. “What are you going to reply?” “I should just act coy and pretend as if I don’t know what she’s talking about, right?” Jungkook nodded. “Mhmm, don’t beg for forgiveness right away. You can still do that when the time comes.” He closed his eyes and listened to her fingers tapping on the screen of her phone. “Now we wait.” She sighed. “She better not be torturing us on purpose.” “Sounds like something Ha-na would do.” He mumbled, pulling her with him so he could lie down. His arms were tightly wrapped around her, their fingers intertwined before he felt himself drifting off to sleep, not knowing that she wasn’t going to find sleep any time soon.

“So Hyungsik does like y/n?” Ha-na asked as she walked out of her bathroom while letting her hair down after washing her face. Taehyung, already in his pajamas, was sitting on her bed applying his moisturizer thoroughly. “Yeah, he said it was cute and very charming how shy she was and he said that if she felt the same he would like to see her again.” With a big grin on her face, she gestured her boyfriend to scoot over so she could get in bed. “That’s great news but what about y/n? Did she say something?” “When we were in the kitchen she said, she just needed time to warm up to him because he’s famous and it made her feel a little awkward.” He plugged his phone in and pulled the duvet up to his chin. “I know she thinks he is handsome, she has mentioned it before.” “I kind of thought she wasn’t into him but that explains a lot. Do you know what that means, baby?” Tae shook his head, eyeing his girlfriend with a curious look on his face. “We can set up a second date. Maybe it’ll be easier for her to loosen up if they are alone.” “Will you survive not seeing their cute interactions though?” He laughed, gently nudging her. “If you make either one of them tell you everything that happened in great detail then yes, I’ll be fine.” She snuggled into his arm while Tae was flipping through the channels on the tv. “Do you think they’ll fall in love?” She mumbled, feeling her eyelids getting heavy. “It would be amazing; I’d love to see them both happy.” “Awwwh you’re the sweetest.” She pressed a quick kiss on his cheek before grabbing her phone to text y/n when her boyfriend made a disgruntled noise. “There’s absolutely nothing on the tv tonight.” He sighed. “Really? I can think of something interesting.” “You mean Netflix?” He pressed the menu button on the remote. “Even better.” She giggled and started peppering kisses along his jawline, while her hand started unbuttoning his shirt. Taehyung contently hummed as her fingers softly drew little circles on his chest.

Jungkook woke up from the beeping sound of a phone close to his ear but it wasn’t his text tone. With gentle force, he pried the phone from her hands while she was still asleep. A soft smile spread on his face as he looked at her; messy hair and her mouth slightly agape. Carefully he pushed a strand of hair from her face; counting his blessings. This was a sight he could get used to, wishing that one day he would wake up next to her every day. The display lit up again; it was past 10 am and there finally was a text from Ha-na.

“Baby, hey…” He mumbled, his fingers gently caressing her cheek. Lazily her eyes fluttered open. “Good morning, sleepyhead.” She was just too cute, eliciting a giggle from him.

She hummed and pulled his face closer to hers, pressing her lips onto his for a brief second. “When did you fall asleep?” He questioned, worry laced in his voice. She looked exhausted, barely able to keep her eyes open. “It was around 8 last time I checked my ph-…” She sat up, digging through the pillows to find her phone until she realized that Jungkook was holding it. “Did she reply?” She asked, not giving him time to answer before snatching it from his hands. [Ha-na - 10:07am] Sorry I fell asleep 😅

[Ha-na - 10:08am] You’re in love with your hubby Hyungsik 😌🤭

“Is she for real?” She cried out in disbelief and threw her phone on the bed. Jungkook, who had been reading the texts over her shoulder, had a triumphant grin on his face. “What’s with that face?” “Oh nothing, I’d just like to point out that I was right and we had nothing to worry about.” “Wipe that smug grin off your face.” Playfully she hit his shoulder. “Now that everything’s okay…” He pushed her down into the pillows, planting kisses on her neck, his hand wandering up and down her thigh, feeling the traces of goosebumps it left behind on her skin. “We can do something a little more fun.” Slowly his fingertips brushed over the lace fabric of her panties “Hold on…” There was a new text and his eyes widened when he saw what it said.

[Ha-na - 10:32am] So, Hyungsik wants to go on a second date tomorrow. Tae told me you have the day off, so we said yes for you. I’ll give you the details later. Love you ❣️❣️❣️

“Absolutely not! No!” Jungkook sat up groaning dramatically, taking the phone from her. “You’re not going on another date. You have to tell her that you’re not interested.” She lowered her gaze. “I know, but I don’t want to disappoint Tae. I think, he would really like it if I went.” “Seriously? But I don’t want you to go. Just tell them you don’t like that guy. They’ll have to accept it.”

Nervously she was kneading the duvet cover between her fingers. Jungkook was right, she wasn’t into Hyungsik but it wasn’t easy to explain why she felt the need to go on said date. Maybe it was just to soothe her guilty conscience for falling in love with Jungkook. On some level it was easier for him, he didn’t have to pretend to be single. Yes, he had to lie to be alone with her but no one was trying to set him up with someone else.

“Oh, so you do like him?” His hand was shaking when he pushed his hair from his forehead. “No, I don’t… not like that at least.” She sat up on her knees, looking in her lover’s eyes. “I love you, you know that.” Loosely she wrapped her arms around his neck, wanting to kiss him but he pulled away, trying hard to keep some distance between them. He knew he would give in if she got too close to him, the slope of her breasts already posing as a threat. “Then don’t go on that date.” “I think, I’ll have to but I’ll make sure, he doesn’t want to see me again.” Jungkook scrunched up his nose in contempt. He didn’t like this compromise one bit, it was already making him feel nauseous to know that she was going on a second date. What if Hyungsik really fell for her, just like it had happened to him and then he would have to compete against him. “Fine, whatever.” He muttered, puffing up his cheeks. *

Nervously Jungkook was pacing around his room; no editing, practicing piano or even video games could distract him from the fear that was gnawing at his heart and soul.

It had almost been an hour since he had last heard from y/n while she was waiting for Hyungsik to pick her up from her brother’s apartment where she was staying until she got her own place. And although she had promised to text him as much as she could to keep him in the loop, she didn’t. She was probably busy eating all the food at some expensive restaurant to make sure she at least got something out of the date. Or worse she was actually enjoying her time with him.

Jungkook’s blood started to boil when he pictured her acting cute and laughing at his lame jokes. He couldn’t stand the thought of that guy stealing his girl, yet he was confined to the apartment and had to endure this suffering until she got home. He had made a pact with himself to not act on an impulse, but the wish grew stronger to go after her and to make sure she wasn’t falling out of love with him. It was confusing to him why he felt jealousy taking over him when it came to her; with Yina, it had never been like that even when he knew she was out with coworkers for a drink.

Casually he walked into the kitchen, where Ha-na was preparing some snacks. “Hey, Kook.” She said while putting the fruits she had washed on a kitchen towel before placing some chocolate in a small bowl on a plate. “So I have a question, where exactly is that date?” He asked, leaning against the kitchen counter, picking up a grape to plop it into his mouth. “They’re at dinner. Don’t bother them.” She said, shooting him a stern look while arranging grapes and cut up peaches on the plate. “Oh, so I’m not allowed to ask?” He raised his eyebrows, fully aware that his plan to be as casual as possible about his idea just failed. “Honestly, I don’t know why you even care?” “I don’t care…” He shrugged. “But I wanted to take Yina out on a date soon and I’m in need of a nice restaurant, you know? I mean, if it is good enough for Hyungsik then it is good enough for me.” Judging by the look on her face he knew that she wasn’t fully convinced and something was telling him that it seemed a little off for him inquiring about the date but he was also confident that she did not know about him and y/n so he had to keep trying. “Oh come on, it’s just a simple question.” Ha-na turned to look him in the eyes, he tried to remain the innocent look on his face but her voice was cold and firm when she addressed the topic again. “Let them be, Kookie! Don’t bother them!” She left him standing there as she walked out of the kitchen. He puckered up his lips and let out a frustrated grunt. He only had one other option left and he knew that Taehyung would break as soon as he pouted.

“Hyuuuuung.” Jungkook whined as he opened the door to find Tae in front of his computer. Immediately his older brother put his headset down. “What’s wrong?” “Ha-na won’t tell me where Hyungsik has taken y/n…” Taehyung let out a low chuckle, got up from his chair and ruffled the younger boys’ hair. “He took her to Yang Good in Gangnam, if I remember correctly. Why?” “I just wanted to know because I need a place for a date but your girlfriend wouldn’t have it.” He pushed out his bottom lip even more and he could see him practically melt; being the youngest definitely had its perks - all of his hyungs would drop everything for him if he just asked. “You’re so cute.” “And you’re the best.” He shot him a satisfied grin. “You’re the only one I can always count on.” Jungkook would have gagged from buttering up Taehyung so much if he wasn’t in desperate need of some information and Tae was his only source. “What date?” “I wanted to take Yina out but Ha-na thought I was going to bother y/n and Prince Charming.” “Oh, don’t listen to her, she just really wants them to be together.” “And you don’t?” Jungkook was now awfully intrigued. If Tae didn’t approve of them, all he would have to do was let y/n know and Hyungsik would be out of the picture. “I mean, it would be nice if y/n had a boyfriend. She hasn’t dated in a while and I just want to see her happy, you know? And maybe Hyungsik can make her happy; she really deserves a boyfriend who is good to her.”

The urge to tell his older brother that he was the one making his best friend happy already started to flare up in his stomach. Jungkook just wanted to tell somebody about his feelings for her and how much he adored her but then he reminded himself that Taehyung wouldn’t approve of them being together either. Surely, y/n would doubt their relationship if Tae was against it. “Hm, yeah.” His answer was quite lame but it was a safe one, making sure he didn’t spill his heart out. “Anyway, thanks for telling me, hyung! I think I’m gonna hit the gym now.” He patted Tae’s shoulder and turned to leave. He had to get to Gangnam sooner rather than later before the two of them left the restaurant and it would be much harder to find them wandering the streets.

“Didn’t you go this morning?” But before Jungkook could answer, Jimin called his name. “Jungkook-ah, you have a visitor.” When he walked down the hall, he could already smell the all too familiar sweet scent of Yina’s perfume. Once upon a time, not too long ago he used to love how she always smelled like a candy store, now it just made him feel sick to his stomach. “Kookie.” Yina squealed and hugged him over excitedly. “I missed you.” “Yeah, me too.” Over her shoulder, he made eye contact with Jimin whose brows were furrowed but his lips curled up in amusement. Jungkook shrugged and detangled her arms from around his neck. “What are you doing here?” “I just wanted to see you.” His eyes wandered over her body and he could tell that she had spent extra time on her appearance. While they were walking to his room, she kept babbling on about something that happened at her work today but he wasn’t listening. A feeling of aggravation mixed with frustration was consuming him; he really hated how she got into the habit of just showing up unannounced these days and yet again ruining everything he had planned; pushing aside the fact that it might be for the best if he didn’t spy on y/n. *

“We can split the bill. You don’t have to pay for me.” She said, trying to fish the small white paper from Hyungsik’s hands. “This is a date and I’m a gentleman.” He handed the waitress his credit card and when he turned his attention back to her, he flashed her one of his signature smiles that made everyone and their mother weak in the knees. “Fine, but dessert is my treat.” “We’ll see about that. Maybe I’m just faster than you at handing people my card.” She put her hands on her hips and puffed up her cheeks. “I’ll find a way even if I stuff the money in your pocket when you aren’t looking.” “I’d like to see you try.” He winked at her with a cheeky grin before thanking the waitress as she handed him his card back.

Arms linked they were walking around Gangnam, talking about everything and nothing; both eating the ice cream that she paid for. The big city truly looked different at night or maybe she could just accredit it to the company. She caught herself looking up at his side profile a lot when he was talking, wondering if this was what relationships and dates should be like. Not hiding away in rooms with locked doors so no one would find out. She loved Jungkook so much it hurt sometimes but a part of her was enjoying being out with Hyungsik, openly walking around without a care of who they might run into. He was very sweet and if it wasn’t for the boy that had already won her heart, she would have fallen for him instantly.

He was very funny, smart and unbelievably kind; it wasn’t that Jungkook wasn’t those things but this was different. Whenever she was talking, Hyungsik looked at her with this unidentifiable look in his eyes and even though it made her want to break eye contact with him, she couldn’t. He was very intriguing and willing to let her be part of his world, but she already had a home in Jungkook’s and that was where she belonged. How on earth was she going to make him realize that she wasn’t the right girl for him when he had been nothing but nice to her? It felt wrong to make up a lie and there was no way she could turn this evening into a disaster.

Although, it was a casual Wednesday night people were out enjoying drinks at the end of a long workday. The two of them were sitting on a bench, just watching people pass by. “I really had fun tonight.” He said making her turn her head so she could look at him, admiring the perfect slope of his nose and how his lips curled into a smile. “To be honest after the other night, I wasn’t sure if you liked me at all.” But she stopped him with a wave of her hand. “No, no it’s not that. I’m always a little shy when I first meet someone and it didn’t help that I had only seen you on tv before.” He laughed and gently patted her head. “You’re so cute that’s what I liked about you. You know, you were a little awkward but in a really endearing way.” “Are you trying to compliment me?” “Yeah, I was just trying my hardest to not state the obvious things.” “Like? Now, I’m curious.” “Hmmm like that you have a really cute laugh…” Hyungsik paused, turning his body so he was facing her; his shoulders looked so broad in his winter coat and his eyes had that gaze in them that made her heart beat faster. “You can hold conversations really well and your eyes do this weird sparkly thing when you talk about something you love and your lips…” His voice got quieter with every word, the last being nothing more than a whisper. He leaned in, his fingers brushing a strand of hair from her face as her eyes fluttered shut when his soft lips met hers.

For a second, she let herself fall into the trap of his sweet lips before Jungkook’s face appeared in her mind’s eye. Abruptly pulling away from him, she could feel her eyes starting to tear up. “I’m sorry, I can’t.” She whispered, covering her mouth with her hands. “Don’t be, I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.” Hyungsik bowed his head a little; regretting that he had made a move too quickly. “No, no! You did nothing wrong. I-I just can’t…I-I have…” Her lips were trembling; she had done exactly what she promised herself wouldn’t happen and if Jungkook found out he would be so upset that she went behind his back while he was worried sick at home. “Is there someone else?”

Her eyes shot up to look at the man in front of her; a guilty look on his face. She didn’t want him to feel bad, he didn’t know. Slowly she nodded her head. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have agreed to the second date…” “Why did you?” “Because no one knows about the guy I’m seeing. We’re keeping it a secret for now and I didn’t want to disappoint Taehyung because he seemed so excited. I feel really bad for leading you on and I’m just so sorry.” “Don’t worry about me, I can handle getting rejected by a cute girl.” He seemed to choose his next words very carefully. “I could feel that your heart wasn’t in the right place.” Neither of them said another word until Hyungsik cleared his throat. “Do you want me to give you a ride home?” “Can you drop me off at Tae’s? I need to talk to him.” “Of course.” He patted his knees and got up. “Well then, let’s go.” He held his hand out for her to grab and pulled her up to her feet.

On the car ride back to the dorms, she kept her head low while the radio played the new catchy pop songs that had just been released. The feeling of guilt was making her stomach churn, the last thing she wanted to do was hurt Jungkook but she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she didn’t tell him that she kissed Hyungsik. It would cause so much drama if he found out later down the road. Hyungsik stopped the car and turned the engine off. “What are we going to tell Taehyung?” “I think that we just don’t have anything in common and that there’s no chemistry?” The words rolled off her tongue easily because it was the complete opposite of what she had with Jungkook - it was like he was her missing puzzle piece. “Yeah, that’s good. Tae and Ha-na will have to accept that.” She fiddled with the strap of her purse, wrapping it around her fingers before letting it fall in her lap. “Thank you, I did have a good time…” “Me too, maybe we could go out again as friends?” He offered with a smile, trying to ease the pained expression on her face. “I’d like that.” She leaned over the middle console and kissed his cheek, only to see him smile and his cheeks were tinted with a rosy hue when she pulled back. “I really hope the man you’re with deserves you.” “Thank you.” She smiled, as she got out of the car. Jungkook absolutely deserved her, that was the only thing she was sure of.

She quickly made her way up to the apartment; and although she had to tell him about the kiss, she felt relieved that she would finally be able to hold his hand and just be with him tonight, desperately needing the safety of his embrace. In the entrance, she quickly took her shoes and coat off and walked to his room. No one was in the living room; the only sign of life in the apartment came from Jimin and Hobi’s room who were listening to music and laughing loudly.

Without knocking she opened the door to Jungkook’s room, only to stop in her tracks when she saw him lying on the bed, Yina on top of him bouncing up and down in a steady rhythm. His hands were tightly gripping her hips, guiding her. With his eyes shut tightly, as the all too familiar whiny moans fell from his mouth. Yina had thrown her head back while resting her hands on his chest for support.

The sinking feeling in her stomach made her want to throw up; she never wanted to see this. It was like her worst nightmare came to life right in front of her. It was like witnessing a gruesome car accident that she didn’t want to see but nonetheless, she couldn’t peel her eyes off.

“Y/n? WHAT THE HELL? GET OUT.” Yina yelled, stopping her movements only to pull the duvet in front of her for protection. “I-I-I’m sorry.” She stammered, as her eyes rested on Jungkook unable to look away; the expression of absolute bliss had been replaced by panic and shock. “I said, GET OUT. Oh my god.” She wanted to turn around and leave but her legs weren’t moving. He had promised her that she would never have to see this or any kind of skin-ship. What made it worse and almost broke her heart into a million pieces was that he seemed to enjoy her riding him. A pillow crashed against the wall, only missing her head by an inch, snapping her back into reality.

She pulled the door shut behind her and waves of hurt came crashing down, threatening to drown her. Without thinking she ran to Taehyung’s room. She stood in the doorway, her hand shaking as she held on to the door-handle, fearing she’d break down if she let go.

“What happened?” Taehyung quickly jumped to his feet, rushing over to his best friend. Hands resting on her shoulders, he just looked at her. “Is everything okay?” She just shook her head, trying her hardest to hold it together but when his strong arms pulled her into a hug, she burst into tears. “Was it a bad date? Did something happen? Y/n! Talk to me!” She held onto his shirt tightly, muffling the sobs as she could feel her heart breaking in two. Somehow Taehyung managed to maneuver both of them to his bed; wishing she would just tell him what happened that made her cry. “Did the date not go well? Hey, tell me what happened please.” His hands were rubbing reassuring circles on her back, but she refused to say anything. He wasn’t good at comforting people when they were crying, usually, he was at the receiving end and others were holding him.

As he looked up, he saw Ha-na standing in the door. “What’s going on?” She mouthed but he shrugged, feeling her fingers dig even deeper into his silky pajama shirt when she let out a choked sob that he felt in his bones. Ha-na slowly walked backward and closed the door. “Did Hyungsik say something to you or hurt you?” She shook her head. “Then what happened? You have to talk to me please.”

It wasn’t like she didn’t want to tell Taehyung why it felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest but she couldn’t. Every time she tried opening her mouth, all she could do was sob even harder than before; choking on the words that were getting caught in her throat.

Tae reached for his phone on the nightstand, if she wasn’t going to give him any answers then he had to find out for himself. It hurt to see her like this and he was clueless about how he could possibly ease her pain.

[TaeTae - 9:32pm] Hyung I was wondering if something happened with you and y/n? She’s really upset

[Hyungsik - 9:34pm] No, nothing happened. She was fine when I dropped her off. But Tae, she told me she is seeing someone else. Maybe it has to do with that guy.

Tae’s phone slid from his hand onto the mattress not able to grasp what he had just read. She had a boyfriend and didn’t tell him - her best friend since kindergarten. He felt tears prodding at the corners of his eyes; did she not trust him enough to confide in him? Was he a terrible best friend for not noticing that she was in love? Softly he rested his chin on her head, deciding that once she had calmed down he needed to talk to her about this, to make sure she knew he cared about her.

What did that guy do to her that caused her to break down like this? He had never seen her so vulnerable and so hurt; she was always so strong - or was that just how he always thought of her? She was quick-witted, good at thinking on her feet; she had a big heart but wouldn’t let anyone boss her around. When other kids had been mean to him, she always stood up for him, taking his side. In elementary school, she even hit that boy who had made fun of his odd haircut after his grandma had to cut chunks out of it to get the gum out he had stuck in it. Maybe he had put her on this high pedestal ever since they were kids; like she was this untouchable force of nature that nobody could hurt or mess with but as he was holding her, an odd sense of sadness spread in his chest. Did she not trust him enough to show him how she felt? Did he ever really knew how she was feeling on the inside when she only shared good things that happened to him? Only once he had seen her cry before when they were older; it had been the night before he left to go become a trainee in Seoul, asking him to not forget about his silly best friend back home when he was famous but even then she had smiled through the tears.

Taehyung knew that she must really be in love with that guy if he held so much power over her that she completely broke down in tears in front of him. He tightened his embrace around her; wanting to make sure she knew that he wasn’t going anywhere; that he was still here for her no matter what even if she couldn’t tell him the truth.

Ha-na walked into the living room, where she found Hoseok and Jimin sitting on opposite ends of the sofa watching tv. “Weren’t you going to bed? You said goodnight like 30 minutes ago.” The younger one said looking at the clock on the wall. “I was but y/n got back from her date and now Tae is with her because she’s crying.” She explained and plopped down on the couch in between them. Hoseok sat up immediately. “She’s crying?” “Yeah, like full-on sobbing.” She shrugged. “Was the date that bad? Maybe he didn’t treat her well?” “Uhm Hobi, do I have to remind you that Hyungsik is literally perfect? I doubt that he had anything to do with it, he would never ever treat her badly. But I really would like to know what happened…” She trailed off, her index finger tapping on her chin. “And she came back here right after the date?” “I think so, he picked her up at around 7, so I don’t think she went anywhere else.” “It must be really bad if she’s so upset. Poor y/n.” Ha-na nodded, trying to think of something that could have caused this breakdown but she came up short. She was 100 percent sure that it wasn’t Hyungsik’s fault; so who hurt her?

The door to Jungkook’s room opened and Yina walked out followed by him. “Tell her to knock in the future! It was so embarrassing how she was just standing there staring at me.” “And what happened with you two? It’s really like a tv drama tonight.” Jimin pulled himself up into a sitting position to make more room for the others. “Y/n walked in on us while we were…” Yina’s cheeks flushed as she made a strange gesture with her hand. “I walked in on you too once…” Hoseok turned to Ha-na. “Maybe that’s why she’s crying? I wanted to cry when I saw them doing the nasty. Truly a horrible sight.” “Ha-ha very funny, Hoseok.” Yina shot him a glare that could kill. “Y/n is crying? But she wasn’t crying when she walked in on us. Is she okay?” Jungkook sounded worried, nervously picking at his cheek. “She wasn’t crying? Interesting, so maybe…” Ha-na’s detective senses were tingling but he interrupted her again. “Where is she? Did she leave?” “She’s with Tae, he’s trying to calm her down.” She could tell by the look on his face that he was torn between something, she just couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was. Ever since she had noticed that they had been awfully close the past weeks, she started picking up on the little things, like them looking at each other for too long or how they’d often disappear for a while but that couldn’t possibly be it. “Maybe she got bad news from home?” Hoseok suggested, but she knew that this wasn’t it either. She would have told Taehyung if something had happened in her family; after all, they were kind of like his family too. *

She was lying on Tae’s bed, legs pulled up against her chest, emptily staring at the white pillow. The tears had stopped spilling a while ago but her heart still felt like it was being squeezed too tight. Every once in awhile a solitary tear ran down her cheek, staining the pillow. Tae was lying across from her, his hand above her head gently playing with her hair. “Can you please tell me what’s wrong? I’ve never seen you like that.” His voice was soft, laced with worry and hurt.

She was so tired; her head felt like it was about to explode from crying but she couldn’t lie to her best friend anymore. It was exhausting to make up stories so she decided to stay silent; not saying anything was better than having to lie again and again. “I know it was nothing that Hyungsik did but he told me you said you were seeing someone, is that true? Did that guy hurt your feelings?” Her lips began to tremble again; the pictures of Jungkook and Yina playing in her mind over and over again like a broken record that wouldn’t stop torturing her. “Hey, no please don’t cry.” Tae scooted over and wrapped his arm around her. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. Ssshhh, everything’s okay.”

Nothing seemed okay anymore, her world was crumbling right in front of her eyes. What they had been doing wasn’t right but seeing him with her was like someone knocked the air out of her lungs. It was a cruel trick from the universe; making her experience the same heartbreak Yina would have to endure eventually. It was possible that she had brought this on herself; it was karma giving her a rude awakening. She had no right to cry when she was sleeping with someone else’s boyfriend but nevertheless, it hurt to see him balls deep inside another girl; seeing his face contorted in utter bliss like she thought only she had the privilege of witnessing.

They stayed like this for a while; the clean scent of his lotion calming her down mixed with his soothing strokes down her back. Her eyes felt heavy; she didn’t want to think anymore but every time she closed her eyes she saw Jungkook and it left behind a stinging feeling in her heart. “Don’t you want to check your phone?” Tae whispered after they both had been ignoring the repeated buzzing in her pocket. With a shaking hand she pulled it out; three missed calls from Jungkook and a text.

[Kookie - 10:49pm] Meet me outside by the trees. Please.

She sat up, reading his text over and over. There was nothing he could say or do that would make this okay or hurt any less but a small part of her wanted to see him. “Who is it?” “My brother. He wants me to come home.” Another white lie wouldn’t hurt her best friend when she was already lying about everything else. “I’ll call you a taxi or I’ll ask Jin hyung to drive you.” “No, it’s okay.” She got up, straightening out her clothes. “Thank you for everything.” “That’s what friends are for, right?” He followed her to the door, where she put on her shoes and coat. “I guess.” Trying her best to smile; not wanting him to worry about her any more than he already did.

Jungkook was nervously hopping from one foot to the other. The cold air was slowly seeping through his hoodie, making him shiver. Luckily Yina couldn’t stay and right after she had gotten into a taxi; he had to try fixing things with y/n. She wouldn’t answer his calls, nor did she respond to his text. For how long was he supposed to wait if she showed up? If he was honest he would wait for hours in the cold if that meant he could talk to her. He stood hidden underneath a few trees off to the side of their building in the gated community. “Please come.” He desperately pleaded, looking at his message on the screen.

The sound of heels on the pavement made him look up, and there she was; arms tightly wrapped around her waist. “Hey.” It felt like his throat was closing up as she stood in front of him. Her eyes were swollen from crying and her breaths were shaky and shallow. The darkness made it hard for him to see her face clearly but the little sniffles gave her away, she was crying again. Jungkook wanted to punch himself for making her even shed one tear because of him. Earlier when he had heard that she was crying he had felt terrible but now that he was experiencing it in person, it was way worse than he had imagined it would be. He wanted so badly to wrap his arms around her and just hold her until she stopped crying.

“I’m so sorry you had to see it.” He closed the distance between them but as soon as he got closer she took a step back. “I never wanted you to see it. She just came over and I felt like I owed it to her since I’ve been so cold with her. I’m so sorry baby, I really am but you know I still have to do things with her…but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.” He reached out, wanting to wipe the tears from her face but she pushed his hand away. “Please don’t touch me.” She croaked in between sobs. “I can’t even look at you right now.” “Don’t say that.” Feeling the tears well up in his eyes; he quickly blinked them away - he wasn’t allowed to cry, not when he was the one responsible for her tears. “Did you do it because I went out with Hyungsik again?” “No, of course not. Please, I told you I had no choice.” He took a deep breath, hoping his body would relax under the pressure that was weighing on his mind. “I was keeping my eyes closed the whole time thinking of you…I don’t think I would’ve been able to get it up if I didn’t think of you. ” She looked at him, searching for any indication that he was lying in his eyes but he was telling the truth; he owed her that much. Under different circumstances, he knew she would have laughed at him for telling her that. “Can I please hold you?” Jungkook tried a second time, hoping she wouldn’t reject him again. After waiting a few seconds, giving her time to answer he slowly moved in closer. “Please, please, please…” He whisper-begged her, but she just stood still and when he wrapped his arms around her, he allowed himself to breathe. It was like coming up for fresh air as she nestled her face against his chest and the familiar smell of lilies filled his lungs. One of his hands rested on her head, his fingers softly rubbing her scalp. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, baby.” Leaning his cheek against her forehead, he closed his eyes. Feeling her fingers dig into his hoodie and clutching it tightly between her fingers made his heart hurt; almost like the empty feeling in his stomach when he missed a step. “Can you please break up with her soon? Because I can’t take it any longer.” He sharply sucked in a breath through gritted teeth. Jungkook wasn’t ready to take that step, no matter how many times he would practice what he was going to say to Yina on that dreadful day. Softly he pressed his lips to her forehead, hoping he would somehow find the courage to grant her wish. “I will, I promise.”

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