#I barely started the next chapter of UTM

[hannahbarberra162]

Hiiii

How are you? Bothering here hehehehe can we have any snipped from under the microscope, emperor's prize or snow fall?

Hahahaha almost asking for all your works sorry

Thank you for writing and sharing such great stories❤️🫂

Hi! I'm alright, hanging in there! The next chapter of Emperor's Prize should be out soon-ish, my friend is helping me edit it right now.

But since you've been patiently waiting, here's a lil snippet from the beginning of the chapter:

Despite a tightening in your chest at the idea of being on a strange island, you couldn’t resist the excitement that bubbled up in you at the concept of being on solid ground again. You had assumed Shanks would flake on his promise to you once you came back to your senses and you searched his face for any signs of this being a trick.. You were fairly sure that it wasn’t a test but prior experience had made you wary of accepting too readily. Shanks waited for you to speak with soft eyes as he held your hands in his. The two of you were standing in his cabin, the door open to air out the scent of sweat and heat as the ship bobbed gently in the water in the rays of the morning sun.

“So what about it, Little Omega? You want to check out the island? I’m not sure what’s around, we’ve never docked here before -”

“We have, a few times actually,” Benn called from out on the deck as he walked past the open door to the cabin, his ever-present cigarette dangling from his lips.

“We have docked here, a few times actually,” Shanks corrected himself with a bright smile, his red hair falling into his face in an almost endearing way. You gave a small smile back at his foolishness and his eyes shone brighter at the sight.

“You know, that’s the first time you’ve smiled at me outside of heat,” he said as he ran a thumb over the back of your hand. You ducked your head as your cheeks heated at being called out so bluntly. But it also made you wonder what he meant by outside of heat. Had you been so happy during your fucked out phase that you smiled frequently? You considered questioning him on it but you had learned your place on Kid’s ship. You answered his question instead as you did your best to push your concerns away.

“Yes, please, I’d like to visit the island,” you stated and hoped your tone was deferential enough for him not to take it as sass. 

“Lovely! There’s nothing more fun than a day trip. We’ll get food on the island too, I’ll go grab some cash from Benn’s cabin. Let’s get moving,” he said as he turned and pulled you along behind him. You kept your eyes on the floor while you followed along meekly, too embarrassed to make eye contact with the crew on deck. After your heat abated, some of the crew had come back to the ship to sleep or gather belongings. Of course, they knew what transpired, it wasn’t like it was a secret, but it still made you feel self conscious to know they’d all been kicked off the ship because you had copious amounts of sex with their Captain. It seemed like Shanks did not have any of the same lingering shame that you did and carried himself as he always did. He was even wearing his Emperor’s cloak that you had in your nest through your heat, though he did wash it thankfully. Shanks pulled you to the middle of the deck while he continued on the way to Benn’s cabin.

“Stay right there, I’ll be back in a moment. Unless Benn changed the locks to his safe again, then it’ll take me a few minutes to pick them,” he called out as he left you standing near the main mast. Left on your own for the first time in days, you shifted your weight from foot to foot and looked down at your feet. You were still wearing Shanks’s far too large clothes rolled up at the wrists and ankles along with being barefooted. Luckily the fair weather made it easy to tolerate the breezy clothing until Shanks purchased proper clothing for you. You stilled when you heard footsteps approaching you and a familiar pair of shoes made their appearance in your field of sight.

[brittanymoura]

the heir & the emissary

Eris Vanserra x OC (estranged Archeron sister)

Prologue

CHAPTER ONE

// 4 years post-UTM //

Tegan came to a stumbling halt on the outskirts of a small village. The sun was high in the sky, its reflection in the white snow was blinding. Placing a hand to her forehead in a makeshift visor, she squinted, surveying the area around her. Winnowing, while possible, was not her forte - she could barely make it one mile at a time on a good day. 

Taking a deep breath, and pulling her coat tighter to her body, Tegan headed off towards the bustling village street. Her dark colored pants and knee-high boots helped to protect her from the chill as the dry air and still winds created the perfect Winter day for strolling. Village workers were milling about, moving goods and shouting to each other. Children ran past her, screams of joy echoing in their wake. Tegan couldn’t stop the bright smile that lit up her face. 

“Good afternoon Tegan!” a voice called from her right. A man, middle aged, with dark brown hair and a coarse beard stood beside a stall.

“Good afternoon Caer! How are you?” Tegan replied, bounding over to the man with a quick wave.

“Doing well on this lovely day. Haven’t seen you round here in a while.”

“The High Lord and his lovely lady have been keeping me rather busy lately but I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to spend this beautiful day visiting my oldest friends.” Tegan stated with a wide grin. She picked up a small trinket off the cart and placed a gold mark down.

“Thank you, dove.” Caer tipped his head in gratitude.

“You are so welcome, Caer. Please say hello to Jassi for me!” She gave him a small wave and skipped off. 

“Aunt Tegan! Aunt Tegan!” Tegan’s ears perked up, hearing the enthused shouts of a few children. She turned quickly and knelt down just in time to catch the small body flying towards her.

“Rivi. How are you sweetheart?” Tegan asked, picking up the small child and settling her onto her hip. She felt hands grabbing at the edge of her coat and glanced down. “Rhellan and Fonn, I missed you lovelies! And look at how you’ve grown!”

“We’re good! We missed you so much Aunt Tegan. Mama says you’re really busy keeping the Winter court safe so that we can go out and play everyday.” The small girl in her arms exclaimed. 

“Yeah! And Mama also says that you miss us too when you’re gone.” Rhellan stated.

“Well, she is right about that bit. I do miss you all terribly when I’m away.” Tegan twisted her body to locate their mother, quickly meeting the bright, jade eyes of a woman further down the road and she waved. She began walking towards her, keeping a tight grip on Rivi while the two young boys, clinging to her coat, followed closely behind.

“Hanna, it’s so good to see you.” She reached out her free arm, wrapping the woman in a tight hug and pulling Rivi along. 

“We’ve missed you Tegan. I’m sure they’re keeping you up to your neck in diplomatic meetings but you can’t forget about your dearest friends. Between these three little ones and their antics, I may just lose my sanity without you coming to see me more often,” Hanna let out a small laugh, running her hand over the back of Fonn’s small head who was now standing at her side. 

“Hopefully I will start to have more free time soon so I can come and see these cuties more often. They’re growing so fast I may not recognize them next time,” Tegan chuckled. “How’s the business? Everything going okay around here?”

“Yes, Tegan. Please, you don’t need to worry so much. The bar is doing just fine. Everything has been business as usual around here,” Hanna reassured.

“Good, I’m glad. I worry about you all when I’m away for a while, you know.” Tegan smiled. She lowered Rivi back onto the ground, placing a large, exaggerated kiss onto her rounded cheeks, causing the girl to squeal with delight.

“You know, you look good. Healthy and happy. I’m really glad to see you looking so well and smiling so much. When I met you, I don’t think I could’ve ever pictured your smile being so bright.” Hannah sighed, a small, sad smile gracing her delicate features.

“That was a long time ago, Hanna. A lot has happened since then. I mean, it has been nine years since we first met. I would certainly hope I look happier and healthier now that I’ve been free for almost a decade,” Tegan joked. And though the statement was issued with a lighthearted, breathy laugh and a small smile, it didn’t erase the sad undertone it carried. 

“That is true and I for one am glad of it. At least you no longer reek of Spring.” Hanna laughed, giving a small nudge to Tegan’s shoulder. A burst of laughter escaped her and soon the two women had dissolved into a fit of giggles. “Would you like to come in for a drink?” 

“Of course. I can only stay for one though! The High Lord and Viv need me coherent when I get back to the palace.” Tegan chuckled and followed her friend into the building behind them. She knew it well; had even worked there for a while.

The tavern was small. Constructed completely from logs, smelling of pine and dimly lit by candles, it felt like home. A few small round tables were scattered throughout the room, and a long bar stretched along the right wall. There was a fireplace burning brightly along the wall to her left,  which had a small plush couch positioned in front of it. ‘Cozy’, Tegan thought as she settled down onto the couch. All three small children came to rest beside her as their mother continued onward towards the bar to get them drinks. 

“And what of that boy I know you’ve been talking to?” Hanna’s voice echoed from further back in the tavern. She stood behind the bar pouring various drinks into small glasses.

“He’s not a boy, Hanna. And what of him?” Tegan rolled her eyes but smiled softly.

“Well, I know you’ve been seeing him for a long time now but you never talk about him. I’ve never met him and beyond simply knowing he exists, you’ve given me no information. I want to make sure he’s good enough for you.” Hanna laughed although she tried her hardest to maintain what Tegan thought was meant to be a serious look.

“He’s wonderful as always. I’d love to tell you all about him, Hanna, truly. Please believe me when I say that I want nothing more than to fall onto this couch and gush about him but, I just can’t yet. One day - hopefully someday soon - I’ll be able to tell you everything.” Tegan sighed.

“I trust you, Tegan. Just promise me that you’ll be careful. And know that we are always here for you should you ever need anything.” Hanna came walking around the couch and set the cups down on a small table situated between the couch and the fireplace. All three children leapt from the couch and settled onto the floor around the table, sipping their small drinks. Hanna passed a glass to Tegan and sat down on the couch next to her.

“I know that Hanna. I am more grateful for you than you could possibly imagine.” Tegan swung her right arm over Hanna’s shoulder and pulled her into a tight side-hug. “Once it’s safe for someone like me to be with him, I promise that bringing him here to meet you will be at the absolute top of my priority list.” Hanna let out a long sigh, but nodded her head in understanding.

“Honestly, only you would end up in some secret, forbidden romance.” Hanna let out a laugh. 

Tegan shook her head but laughed along with her, “and where is your better half?” 

“Oh, you know how he is. Heads out in the morning for a simple task and gets utterly distracted. He’ll be home late again, I’m sure.” Hanna began, flipping her medium length, chocolate brown hair over her shoulder and launching into the latest town gossip her husband had picked up on his daily outings. Tegan leaned back into the couch, kicking off her shoes and pulling her legs up under her. With a drink in her hands and her friend at her side, she felt her lips pull up into a small smile. She was happy. 

[mystomachfeelsawful]

1:49 AM

Here we go

1 - I got heat stroke at Fringe this year. Like really bad heat stroke. I overworked myself in building a set by myself in a humid garage, co-ran a theatre festival at the Assembly and also directed a show. I didn’t have any fun during Fringe. We reviewed pretty well, except for Now Magazine, which tainted our sales. And that got me thinking - why am I depending on the Fringe as a source of happiness? I put over 100 hours into News Play, was compensated poorly for it and had a lousy time. It wasn’t the money that was making me happy, it was desperately trying to find out if people liked the damn thing. That’s pretty fucked up. I’ve done 10 fringes in 8 years on profit share. It’s time to stop. I worry sometimes I’ll be like those old Fringe vets who do it every year. My career can’t be so dependent on the happiness of others and their knee jerk reactions toward my work. Either I have to be compensated fairly or I have to really love the project to direct a show again.

2 - I won an award this year. My first award since Sears. It’s funny, because this happened before Fringe, but it kind of lit a fire in me. I need to start seeking work outside of the festival circuit. I spent a good month whining to colleagues and peers about my lack of employment, but I soon realized that that wasn’t doing me any good. If I don’t start seeking out paid directing work, I’ll be doing the festival circuit forever. The award gave me the confidence to pursue open calls for directors. I feel I can use it as a bartering chip now. Let’s see how long that lasts.

3 - I repaired a relationship with an artistic leader that had been fried for years. After holding in a lot of animosity and paranoia, I finally met with them and talked and apologized. We’re on good terms now, but I think it was a kind of groundshaking moment for me. I think confronting my fears of inadequacy and rejection is something I have to deal with for the rest of my artistic life. I felt a little braver after this one.

4 - GA TING happened. It was a success. A ridiculous success. It kind of felt like a coming of age - going into a room where I knew NO ONE, using my process and coming out the other side. GA TING taught me that I don’t need to keep working with people I know, or have that safety net to make good work. Also, working with a finished script was such a blessing that I’d forgotten.

5 - I acted again. This story has a payoff that I can’t talk about, but getting paid a workshop rate to perform was one of the most liberating things I experienced this decade. It’s kind of linked back to the award. This time last year, I started this tumblr as an incredibly depressed Ryerson kick out. I didn’t know where I was going. I knew Id be trapped in Hamilton for the next few months. And I did it. I made the most of it. I’m not totally confident in the artist I am now, but to act again and to feel good about my work in front of a larger audience made me feel good. Like really good. I don’t have a desire to perform again, but if I was asked, I would do it. 

6 - A chapter is closing in my life. One ten years in the making. I’m not scared of it. I’m kind of excited. I’m not who I was ten years ago. I think I’m better now.

7 - I taught a lot this fall. I re-opened Swan for humber. I taught high schoolers drafting. I taught UTM movement. I never really thought of myself as a teacher, but I kind of like it. A lot. I think i’ve always been opposed to hierarchies in education (having had a rough go of it in theatre school). So maybe that’s something that’s fuelling me.

8 - I buried my grandfather this winter. It was a long time coming. I think I suppressed most of the feelings I had, so little things trigger me back to that day. I think I said my goodbyes a long time ago though. I worry I’m not making time for my grandparents. I worry that even when they’re around, I’m not making time.

9 - I’m directing Spring Awakening at HTI next May. I know. Going from Soulpepper to community theatre’s been humbling, but kind of rewarding in it’s own way. Every day is filled with new challenges, but also new hopes for a more diverse Hamilton.

10 - I made the choice to start working on some projects in Hamilton. I don’t know if this is a good idea, but I wonder how helpful I am in Toronto. I’ll never move back here, but Nina said something that really stuck with me. I’m winning residencies and grants, but I have no direction. As an artist I stand for nothing. Well maybe Hamilton can be the start of that. Maybe I can funnel everything I’ve been learning from new play development into making this city better for people. Maybe I can win funding so people can make the place home that I ran away from.

Nine years ago, I was sitting in this kitchen. My Dad was locked in at work. My Mom was going to serve a Christmas dinner that would make her cry. My brother described me as selfish. I was lying to my family and sneaking off to Pittman Hall to hang out with my friends so I wouldn’t have to stay at home. My aunt would die in 2 months.

Eight years ago, I was in Florida desperately trying to stay in the Paprika Festival after being threatened that I was being removed from it for missing a training day.

Seven Years ago, I was desperately trying to write a Toronto Fringe Play that was doomed to fail.

Six Years ago, I was desperately trying to write a show for Theatre Aquarius that would make me believe in my work again. I was also writing a play about Rowers that would never be successful.

Five years ago, I was finishing that play about rowers and trying to organize a dance show that two actors would quit (and I would never get over)

Four years ago, I had gotten into the Toronto Fringe again with some weird Asian battle play that I thought would fail like all of my other fringe ventures. I was interviewing my grandmother about being Chinese with questions I could barely connect to.

Three Years ago, I was sick as a dog, sending that same Asian battle play to Next Stage. I was writing a show about a road trip to Seattle that will still haunt me. I got food poisoning and frostbite after seeing La La Land in Toronto.

Two years ago, I felt like I was on top of the world, like nothing could destroy me and I was going to be produced in my favourite theatre’s season immediately.

Last year, I had finished my first professional theatre gig, but somehow felt like I had missed something along the way.

I’ve stopped thinking about my career as a roller coaster, but more like a steady beat. Everything leads to something new. 

Films 

1 - Jojo Rabbit 

2 - Booksmart

3 - Far From Home

4 - Parasite

5 - Knives out

Honourable Mentions: The Farewell, CATS, Crazy Rich Asians (I actually saw it this year), Endgame

Disappointments: Captain Marvel, Joker, The Rise of Skywalker, Marriage Story

Plays

1 - School Girls (Or the African Mean Girls Play) 

2 - Boy Falls From the Sky 

3 - The Jungle

4 - Pass Over

5 - Iphigenia and the Furies 

Also: Dissidents is my favourite play of 2018. There I said it. Dance nation also made me so amped I couldn’t sleep