#I can only play on Tuesday and Thursday and my campaign does literally nothing without me

[isolated-loser]

Log 0026, 7:05pm, 9-22-2019

Wednesday the 18th, I did school shit, then went to the state college to see my boy toy, i.e., witch boi, it was fun for the most part. Minus the fact I felt like I wasted a day I could have been studying at the nerd shop. I really do care for him on several levels, he's a good person. I feel as if I'm just a rebound to him, or that I'm just being used for emotional labor, with he's conscious of it or not. Not that I don't feel like I’m using him, like I would drugs, alcohol, or masturbation. I wasn't really aware of it in until, Wednesday night when I started having an episode, that was trigger by his, when we got to my house he asked again I'd I was ok, no I was not in the slightest, I try to say I fine not words were not going to come out if my maw without tears, cuss brain chemicals are a goddamn dick, so I say borderline crying I'm being held together by ban aids I can't do this right now you need to get home, then ensure I'm that no I'm not ok but I will be till him that I love him,  half the time when I say that I feel like, I'm lying, give him a shifting car hug, then get out, he fallows, and I kind of ignore it for a minute, as I walk around the car to get my bag. When I get to the other side of the car, I ask already knowing what he’s up to, what he’s doing. He replies, I needed to get out for a minute. I get my shit out of the car, set it on the ground. And he pulls me into a hug, then, kissed over my face and shoulders, and he said something sweet. I get turned on, his neck is right there, then he move removing the temptation, and I make a joke about said temptation, he doesn’t get it so I make him get it, by licking his neck, then he’s got to one up me by biting my neck, so I go for the ear his fucking weak spot, the he goes for my neck again, if some cars didn’t drive by several times I could have done that for hours. He said something like, how it’s probably good the cars did go because he was a minute away from telling me to get back in the car. And I was like yeah we don’t really have time for that. Something, something. We part ways. And I do my shit.

So, Thursday, the 19th, Did my school shit. Went to the Nerd Shop, changed tops, and just kinda sat around really fucking depressed, the point most people were noticing, and kept asking if I was ok, like wow, people give a shit about me, not something I really expected. Eventually everyone showed up hung out side and chatted, with nymph about my Witch Boi. She thinks I should break up with him. I mean she probably not wrong. But I don’t want to think about that right now. Played in Lash’s campaign, it was fab, felt good, Danny got to do a bunch of stupid shit, but what do you expect, Danny’s a weirdo. And Lash said, that I can take a few levels in artificer, which it wicked, I’m very excited for it. Later in the night after the session, after everyone from DND left, I hugged eye brows goodbye, like I do. And he looked sad so I hugged him again, then this motherfucker picks me up bridle style. Like the fuck. I, like, what... It was like fun. But brah. I'm lost at this dude. I've gotten to know eyebrows better over the last month or so. But I still don't have his number. (In the metaphorical scents, also I literally don't have his number, but I mean in like, what the fuck is up with this dude way.) He's just an enigma. Like I'm not infatuated with him anymore, which is a good thing. Not that I don't still care for him greatly, but it's not bad like it used to be. I mean I can think of other subjects now. Like all the over whelming stress I'm first to endorse them brain chemicals, might I say. 

Friday, the 20th, when to school, did what I was supped to, then I got home backed some bread for eyebrows, I tried somewhat to mix up some cookies for Witch Boi. The bread turned out fine, the cookies were shit. Then went to The Nerd Shop with the bread, hung out and played some magic. I won a game using my friend, Rat’s, rat deck. 60, 2/2 rat tokens. It was awesome. Got a call from Witch Boi, where he was bitching about getting a ticket. I tried to comfort him to the best of my shit ability, to do so. After I got off the phone, I continued to lose the next game, lol though. Hung around for a bit, then Witch Boi showed up, then we chilled outside. Where chatted for a bit before Witch boi got me up against a wall, where we made out a bit. Then eyebrows showed up I ran inside and back out gave that bitch that bread. Come to find out he had an edible and was high out of him mind. Eyebrows make a joke about the bead and eating me out. It funny, I wasn’t sure how Witch boi was going to react, but he was chill, which is good. Me and witch be chill outside for abit, chatting with a friend of eyebrows, I get a few hits off of her week vape. Eyebrows, comes outside, sits with me and witch boi, Eyebrows freaking out a bit. As I’ve gotten a few hits, I’m high. Witch boi suggests food, eyebrows is embarrassed, still freaking out, he was scared he would be banned from the shop. I get his shit from inside we all go to the fast food place, I feel awkward as hell having the dude I was borderline in love with for a year, and still am somewhat, anywhere near the dude I’m with. I felt like nearly the entire time Eyebrows was throwing shade at me for being with Witch Boi. I me like, I would too. This guy, Witch boi, is just a piece of work. I leave them both at the fast food joint again, cuss I need to go find me phone. I walk back over to the shop and chat with some friends on the way.  I’m kinda freaking out cuss I don’t want to think about what Eyebrows could say to witch boi. Or if I still want to be with Witch boi, at all. So I find my shit the start heading back over to where I left them they were on their way back. Bla bla bla. Witch boi and I were going to leave, before all that stuff with eyebrows. So I go inside hug every one goodbye then, we head out. 

When we get to the parking lot we put our shit in the car, then I drag Witch boi, in a hug. And we like make out, stand snuggle, like shit, cuss drugs got me desperate for touch. Then he all like do we need to make a stop be for we go to a different card shop, assuming me overly touchiness was cuss I wanted to get busy, not entirely the case, but I was more than willing to tack it. So we get in the car, go to a park we’ve frequented for this, type of shit. Bla bla bla, something, something, we had to stop for gas. We go back to the park, and we had be getting hot in heavy in his car, he had said he wanted to ask me for something, that I had in the past said, I would not be ok with, I assumed he meant he wanted me to suck his dick, so I move down like I mean I haven’t actually tried it I might like it, I was wrong on both counts. I move back up. He told me that’s not what he meant, he wanted me to choke him; I already knew that was something he was into, so it wasn’t out of the blue. I agreed to try it. So I move my free hand up to his neck, and start applying presser, and I start having a borderline panic attack. I start crying, with a no, no, no, I can’t, then apologizing, telling him I wish I could give him what he wants, still sobbing. Witch boi comforts me saying t ok, and the he loves me, and bla bla bla. He asks if I need to stop, I say I want to if he does. So, I continue jacking him off. I say something about wanting his finger inside me, he tells me to get on my back, he starts fingering me, stuff in thing I cum. He presses his cock against my woman hood; this motherfucker has no idea what that dose to me honestly. Blablabla, we get back to where were and I get him to the finish line, then we clean up some , and head to the other card shop. and we get there play some commander, bal bal bal. idk. Stuff then we leaves and he drops me back at home. And continue the night as usual.

None of this helps with my brain that keeps going form, “Fuck! I love with him. I’m fucking screwed! Fuck! FUCK! FUCK!!! I need get out while I can.” to “I’m just lonely, and he’s giving me affection, and I can touch him.” to “Did this motherfucker put a love spell on me?!!?!” to “Fuck. He so amazing!” to “He’s not really attractive. Honestly, he’s kinda hard to look at.” To “He so fucking gorgeous. He’s so much more attractive than me. How the fuck did I catch this?” Insert 20hundered times this of bullshit, constantly. I’m so confused. I’m confused, if I want this, or if I don’t. I need to evaluate if it’s him, or how he makes me feel. I need to think about it. Instead of pretend this isn’t a problem. I really don’t know if any of my feeling toward him are really, and if they’re worth the trouble.

Tomorrow, I have, a nether math test, and a 1500 word paper due, but I haven’t done/am ready for ither, but I made that choice today. I woke up remembered that I have that paper due and decided I was not going to scramble to write it, I will take the zero, it that a bad idea probably. But I needed to breath for a second. The math test I’m not going to do great, I know that, I know I’m going to do worse on turning in the home work, cuss it’s not done how she wanted it. but I fucked up. I can’t really change that. So I’ll just have to take the hit to my all really shot grades. I’m not happy about it, but there only so much I can do at this point, I can just start doing better after this.  Have a history test Tuesday as well I’m not ready for but, my 14/100 in the class tell me, I’m already fucked. I’m just screwed in most of my classes, honestly. I should have been trying harder, I say. I’m not sure, if I’ll be loud, to go next semester if I keep fucking up this bad. Probably not, I which kinda sucks.

I’ve made no progress on finding a job. Something I need desperately. But what do you expect from a worthless peace of shit.

My birthday is in a little over a week. So much wasted time. I can’t stand it, but it’s not like I have a choice. Every day I lose more time. I’m going to die, having done nothing with this life. A hollow soul, costing in the bleak. Not that, I’ve not tried to motion. Though no matter how, I’ve tried in movement, my course doesn’t change. I’m falling throw, thick gray smoke. Coughing up ash. A husk of humanity. Speaking false comforts to those, I don’t care for. I.E. I’ve vary not happy about my birthday coming up.

 Signing Off…                                                                                                      

 Favorite song today: OTHER WORLDS THAN THESE by STARSET

Mood: lower ups & middle downs

[writingguide003-blog]

Who gave the best convention speech? Former writers weigh in.

New Post has been published on https://writingguideto.com/must-see/who-gave-the-best-convention-speech-former-writers-weigh-in/

Who gave the best convention speech? Former writers weigh in.

Melanie Trump, left, and Bill Clinton, right.

Roll calls, house bands, awkward dancing, comedy hats and protests aside, the political conventions that have dominated the news agenda over the past fortnight essentially boil down to one long succession of speeches.

An opportunity for Republicans and Democrats to galvanize support and attract voters in the build-up to the crucial November vote, they rely on a host of speakers to get vital messages across and really define the party line.

SEE ALSO: President Obama rips into Trump: ‘The Donald is not a facts guy’

Some give stirring speeches that leave few dry eyes in the house. Others have delegates in stitches with one-liners or impressions. And some just fall flat.

The public offers its opinion on each speaker in real time across social media, but what do the pros think?

Matt Latimer (@matt_latimer), deputy director of speechwriting to President George W. Bush and chief speechwriter to Donald Rumsfeld, and Barton Swaim, who wrote the book on speechwriting (literally), intently watched what unfolded in Cleveland and Philadelphia (where Hillary Clinton speaks Thursday night) and shared their thoughts with Mashable.

Latimer discussed some of the key speeches with us, and scored them out of ten. Shall we begin with the most controversial so far?

Melania Trump

Melania Trump’s words, which were relatively well-received as they were delivered, were tainted almost immediately by undeniable accusations of plagiarism that went on to dominate the first three days of the Republican convention. Latimer, though, thought she did a decent job.

“There was something about her that made me want to like her.”

“I give Mrs. Trump a good deal of slack, because she is not a political veteran and does not speak the language [as a native] or seem to have much interest, for that matter, in the campaign world,” he said. “There was something about her that made me want to like her and maybe that was it.

“The entire speech was, of course, overshadowed by the plagiarism charge.This isn’t unprecedented, but it is uncommon. And I think it came about because of a chaotic, amateurish process that didn’t have a process for vetting speeches.This would almost certainly never have happened with a more traditional presidential campaign operation.

“The speech’s major failing is that it did not convey any personal side of Trump, except for the fact that he married an attractive, successful immigrant to America and has stayed with her for nearly 20 years,which in itself is not nothing.”

Score: 6/10 (would have been 7/10 if not for the plagiarism)

Mike Pence

Remember the stand-out moments from Pence’s speech? Neither do we. Latimer says that’s the point.

“His speech didn’t set the world on fire, but that’s a good thing.”

“Donald Trump needed a vice president who didn’t scare everyone,” Latimer said.”And Mike Pence came across just fine on that score a kind and decent family man, a nice guy, hard right on a few social issues, but not that different from a typical conservative,” he insisted.

“His speech was delivered with sincerity and humor.

“It didn’t set the world on fire, but that’s a good thing since many voters wonder if the top of the ticket plans to do just that should he win the White House.

“This was the kind of speech Trump needed to reassure the base and calm jittery voters down.

“It wasn’t particularly memorable, but we’re talking about vice presidents here anyway. Nobody is supposed to pay much attention to them.”

Score: 7/10

Donald Trump

“The speech no other candidate would have given, which is fitting for a campaign no other candidate would have run,” Latimer said of Trump’s historically long time on stage. “It lacked much, if any, humor and made no real effort to add a new dimension to the Trump persona,” he added.

“Many critics quickly denounced it as a ‘gloom and doom’ speech, but it’s not at all clear that these pundits have a better sense of the country’s mood than Trump does. (He’s proven them wrong on that score countless times so far.)

“In demeanor, style, message, delivery, Trump personified CHANGE, but in a totally different way to Obama’s change message of 2008. The two men couldn’t have more different speaking styles if they came from different planets.

“Trump’s only hope for winning is if a majority of the country wants a sharp departure from the Obama years, and radical change.If they do, his speech played right into that.”

Score: 8/10

Barton Swaim, the author of The Speechwriter: A Brief Education in Politics and a wordsmith for Rep. Mark Sanford during his time as governor of South Carolina, also gave Mashable his thoughts on Trump’s speech.

“Why did he yell so much?”

“It began well, but the weird cadence grated after the first ten minutes,” he said. “A few words, awkward stop. A few words, awkward stop. And why did he yell so much? It was as if he was trying to win over the angriest Republicans, but they’re already his strongest supporters.”

“The length was awful. You sympathize for American politicians to a degree they can’t get through a few phrases without another round of applause and it cuts into the time by a lot. Still, no political speech should go beyond 20 minutes. By the end you were just exhausted.”

Everyone watching this speech RN #RNCinCLE pic.twitter.com/rxfeirC2Ah

Mashable GIF (@mashablegif) July 22, 2016

“Trump has this magical ability a comedian’s talent, really to phrase much of what he says as if it were a punchline. He always puts the most important word at the end, like a well delivered punchline. He doesn’t say the important thing and then leave you with a long dependent clause. Almost every sentence ends with a pop. Nearly all of his tweets work like that; a lot of them will conclude with ‘Sad!’ or ‘America 1st!’ or ‘Overrated!'”

“Too much screaming, weird cadence, but a memorable speech and, for Trump, it was as on-message as anything could be.

Michelle Obama

The First Lady’s words were warmly praised by onlookers. John Podhoretz, the former speechwriter for both Reagan and George H.W. Bush, gave a standing ovation on Twitter.

Whoever wrote this speech, I salute you. This is how you frame an attack with a scalpel.

John Podhoretz (@jpodhoretz) July 26, 2016

As a former speechwriter, all I can do is listen to this and sayWHO WROTE THIS? YOU’RE MAKING US PROUD.

John Podhoretz (@jpodhoretz) July 26, 2016

Latimer, who is also a partner at Javelin, a literary and communications firm in Alexandria, VA, sang the First Lady’s praises.

“Charming, poised, tough, she brought her A-game to the speech and left more than one pundit wondering when she was going to announce her own campaign for something,” he said.

“There were many elements to this speech that could help Hillary Clinton as she puts a final polish on her own. The First Lady didn’t attack Trump directly.She didn’t need to her references were pointed, effective, and obvious.Even Trump seemed to know to steer clear of her: he departed from his customary tweet taunts during her speech and kept a wise silence.

“She had a number of good soundbites ‘when they go low, we go high,’ ‘I wake up every morning in a house that was built by slaves,’ ‘Hillary Clinton has never quit on anything in her life’ (like her marriage, wink) which are often key to making a speech moving and memorable.”

It was a huge contrast to Bill Clinton’s, Latimer said.

“It’s pretty hard to dispute that if she were running this year, the election would be over.”

Score: 10/10

Bill Clinton

The former president and potential First Gentleman spoke Tuesday during what many lambasted as a rambling and tedious affair. Latimer said it was not one of his best.

“This was the wedding toast that never ends.”

“This was the wedding toast that never ends,” he said. “The former president was like an aging father of the bride, who everyone kind of wants to like and nods and smiles at politely while he relives highlights of his life and sort of makes a point by accident.

“When I watched it, I was reminded of the famous ramble by Grandpa Simpson that includes the line: ‘I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time.'”

Bill Clinton: “so I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time…” #DNCinPHL

Matt Latimer (@matt_latimer) July 27, 2016

“Bill Clinton was never a ‘soundbite’ kind of speaker. His most famous lines have been unintentional, and largely disastrous: ‘It depends on what the meaning of ‘is’ is;’ ‘I did not have sexual relations with that woman;’ and that time he said he wanted to date a mummy.

“Calling his wife a change-maker’ was awkward. Is she good at giving you four quarters for a dollar? And the long, probably false story of their meeting and courtship probably raised uncomfortable memories of other women he’s courted.

“Many in the media tried to give him a pass, but I won’t.Clinton can give fantastic speeches this wasn’t one of them.”

Score: 6/10

Hillary Clinton takes to the stage for her own speech Thursday night. She’ll have some tough and memorable acts to follow.

Read more: http://mashable.com/