#I do think it’s funny tbh idk which of my mental illnesses make me border on homicidal every now and then

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

I am currently at my

point. Do not try me, I will absolutely kill if you make eye contact too long.

[ghostdrew22]

Can I request a draco x reader where they just stay together all day even tho its a school day so they just like skip school all day and then one of their friends catch them? It probably sounds confusing but I LOVE YOUR WRITING

Where Words Fall Short || Draco Malfoy

So I changed it into a teacher catching them instead, I hope it still suits your fancy. Thank you so much for this request, I had quite a nice time writing it <3

Requested: Yes Pairing: Draco Malfoy x fem!reader Warnings: mentions of mental illness? Idk what I should be warning you against in this one tbh so if you find anything then let me know <3 Summary: Draco is having a hard morning so Y/N keeps him company and they ditch lessons.

WORDS : 2114

~~~

Growing up, Draco continuously watched as a curtain was drawn above the topic of mental health in his household. What should’ve been long, informative discussions about his withstanding family history and hereditary struggles with mental health, was broken down into, “Your father just gets a bit overwhelmed sometimes”, and “Your mother is a woman, and as women do, she often gets erratic until she tires herself out.”

None of it was true, of course, just excuses used to try and avoid the problem. But it wasn’t discussed. Not when Narcissa would sleep for days on end, or when Lucius was hospitalised, and especially not when Draco began to display symptoms similar to his parents. The family healer was called in, Draco was diagnosed and medicated, and it was discussed no further. Because words were just not the Malfoy way.

You’d long become accustomed to his habits when he wasn’t feeling well, he’d told you himself about his struggles, and you’d adjusted quickly enough. Now you know, just by the sight of him, when he’s having a rough day. As hard as Draco tries to follow in his parent’s footsteps and draw a veil on his suffering, he just can’t bring himself to do it when you’re around. You make him feel safe.

You read the watch on your wrist, 8.10am, and sigh when you notice that Draco’s still not in the Great Hall for breakfast. Draco prides himself on being organised and punctual, so when he’s even five minutes late to breakfast you know that he’s having one of those days and he might just not get out of bed.

“He’s just running late this morning, I watched him walk to the showers.” Crabbe says beside you as he notices worry etch its way onto your features. You nod and smile at him.

“Thanks Crabbe.”  You respond before grabbing the empty plate on your other side and filling it up with Draco’s favourites.

It’s another ten minutes before Draco finally walks into the Great Hall, and you feel your heart wrench at the sight of him- hair still wet from showering, faint bags beneath his eyes and a solemn look painting his face- he looks exhausted. You smile at him when he settles into the space beside you and he smiles back, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

He interlocks your fingers together as he sits down and you slide the plate of food toward him. He kisses the back of your hand as a thank you and you nod before turning back to your own food. On mornings like this conversation is sparse- it’s like a useless chore that you can both afford to forget- and you both resort to actions as a means of conversation.

Normally, words would be spent on endless declarations of love, confirmations of support, queries of comfort and insurmountable pleas to just sit in silence together. But now, now with this routine and understanding that sits comfortably on the border of your relationship, words no longer need to transpire between you both in order for there to be a mutual understanding of what you both need.

Most kisses are ‘I love you’ or ‘thank you’, but every so often when Draco paints every square inch of your face in adoration with his lips, then he’s telling you that you’re beautiful, that every piece of you is just another reason for him to fall deeper into love with you. Hugs are usually him begging for attention, trying discreetly to drag you away from whatever it is that you’re doing and bring you down to his dorm with him for cuddles.

But Draco’s preferred method of communication on days like this, is squeezing your hand. Information by hand squeeze increases in degree; one is ‘I’m fine, just tired’, two is ‘I’m probably going to disappear halfway through the day for some alone time’, and three is ‘Please spend the day with me’.

So when you feel that familiar pressure against your hand come in waves of three that morning, you know that he’s having a particularly bad day. You turn to him and nod, and this time when he smiles at you, it actually does reach his eyes.

~~~

When the first lesson of the day is underway, Muggle Studies, you and Draco are lying in his bed in his shared dormitory. There’s a risk of one his roommates coming back to collect a forgotten book or leftover homework, but it matters little when the two of you are spaced out in the small world of your own invention. You’re running your hands through his hair as his head sits comfortably on your chest, and his fingers are running up and down your other arm in an effort to keep him occupied.

The two of you spend the next few hours like that, just lying in his bed in silence as Draco thinks himself into oblivion and you try to calm him down. It doesn’t work though, and at some point you grow frustrated at the amount of tension that he’s built up in this shoulders, and demand that he gets up.

“Why?” He asks with furrowed eyebrows as he lifts his head off of your chest.

“Do you trust me?” He nods, and you smile. ���Good, then come on.”

You pull him behind you quietly as the two of you roam the castle and head toward the Astronomy Tower- trying desperately not to arouse suspicion and get caught skipping lessons just as the day is ending.

When you reach the top and see that the sun is shining faintly, a satisfied sigh escapes your lips. All that cold and darkness in the dungeons wasn’t good for Draco and you’d lugged him all the way up here for some sunshine. You know that it won’t really fix anything that’s bothering him, but at least the Vitamin D might lift his spirits a little bit or help him to relax a tad more.

You sit on the ground and pull Draco down to sit beside you. He drops his head against your shoulder and pulls the back of your hand up to his lips, Thank you, is what the action says and you smile at the small acknowledgement. You lean your own head against his that’s resting on your shoulder and he shuts his eyes in content as you pull out the book that you’d brought up to read.

“Should I read to you?” You ask and he nods very softly, so you do as he asks and begin to read the novel out loud.

It’s mundane, sure, but Draco thinks that he could spend the rest of his life like this. When words have always failed him, you’ve been there to pick up pieces of his unsaid ministrations. Most people, if not all the people in his life, have always found his failure to conjure up words and describe his feelings, annoying. But not you, never you, you have always loved the way he tries so hard to show you his love instead of tell it to you. Whenever he feels torn apart, like a rag doll being tugged on both arms, you somehow manage to remind him that he’s made of skin and bone, not cloth and plastic. It’s you that reminds him he’s worth something, even when he feels as though he’s worth nothing.

“Y/N.”

“Hmm?” You respond absent-mindedly as you turn your head slowly away from the pages and toward Draco. When you catch a glimpse of his contorted features, concern washes over you. “What’s wrong? Do you want to go back inside?”

“No, no.” He shakes his head softly and smiles at you. “I just want to chat, is that okay?”

“Well… I was enjoying this book…” You tease and laugh when you see that he’s not amused. “I’m kidding, am’ all yours love.” You peck him on the lips quickly before closing your book and putting it aside.

He sighs, “I’ve been thinking-”

“Oh, that’s never good.” You immediately respond and he narrows his eyes at you which makes you laugh, “Okay, I’ll stop now.”

“You’re lucky I love you.” He says with a roll of his eyes, and a small smile, before he takes a deep breath and continues. “I’m going off my meds.”

You take a moment to digest what he’s said before nodding slowly, “Oh…”

“Oh…?” He raises his eyebrows in anticipation, worried that you won’t support his decision. “Are you mad?”

You’re taken aback by his question and turn to face him in confusion. “Mad? Why would I be mad?”

He shrugs, “I don’t know, mother was furious when I told her.”

“Okay, but your mother is notorious for having the emotional range of a green bean,” Draco, albeit begrudgingly, laughs at your comment with a shake of his head, “What? Am I wrong?” You ask with a laugh as well.

“You’re not wrong but that’s not the point. You’re bloody rude!” He tries to stop laughing but it’s not working and soon enough the two of you are rolling around on the ground, crying your eyes out in laughter.

After a good three minutes has passed the two of you have finally calmed down and the serious atmosphere has returned. “I’m not mad Draco, I could never be mad at you.”

“You were mad that time I tried to force a Ravenclaw to do my Muggle Studies research for me.” He says in a matter-of-fact tone and you shove him lightly.

“That was because you were harassing that innocent child!” You exclaim with another giggle, “I’ve never been mad at you for doing something that involves only you.”

“What about when I dyed all my pubic hair-“

“I told you never to speak of that.” You cut him off sternly before he can continue and a naughty smile appears on his lips at the memory.

“That was funny, admit it.”

“We were on vacation with my parents! Do you understand how awkward the conversation we had, after the swimming pool, was? They were so concerned about the fact that I’d brought home a boy with blue armpit hair!” You exclaim with wide eyes and Draco bursts into laughter again. “You’re such an arsehole.” You grumble out with a pout and he pecks you with a smile.

“You love me though.”

“I do… I really do.” You respond genuinely as you stare at him in admiration. Even on his worst days, when exhaustion wears his face like a mask and words fall short from his lips, he’s still the love of your life and nothing can change that. “I’m really proud of you, for making a decision like that.”

“Thank you.” He sighs and you can tell how much this has been bothering him over the past few days, if not weeks, by the way his shoulders finally relax. “I just don’t think they’re doing what they’re meant to. I don’t feel any better.”

“Mhmm.” You nod at him to continue as you take his hand in your own.

“I don’t feel worse either though, I feel the same. It’s been a year and I feel the absolute bloody same.”

“What are you going to do instead?”

“Whatever else the healer recommends.” He shrugs, “If she’s got nothing else that will work then I don’t know.”

“Well… I’m here for you, always.”

“I know.”

And it’s true, he does know, sure as he knows that he’s a Slytherin. There aren’t many things and people that Draco relies on, the fear of them letting him down always a barrier, but you he puts his absolute faith in. Because when words fall short to describe the amount of love that he has for you, and the amount of love that you have for him, there will always be actions and you two will always have each other.

You take your hands and cup his face in them before peppering kisses all over his face. He giggles under your touch, an effect that you’ve always had on him and he hates, but you make no move to stop until every corner has been graced with feel of your lips. It’s every word that you could possibly say to him, every sentence that could hold the weight of your adoration, because sometimes, words just fall short.

“Y/N-“ He begins when you finally pull away, wanting to tell you that he loves you, but you cut him off with a dopey smile.

“I know.”

The two of you lie down against the cold, hard gravel- fingers intertwined as you both shut your eyes and bask in the soft rays of sunlight. It’s almost perfect.

Until.

“Mr Malfoy, Ms L/N.” A voice drawls.

“Shit.” You mumble when you remember that it’s Wednesday- Astronomy.

<~>

Did I impulsively write this after declaring I’m going on a week’s hiatus to move? Yes. Did I put off packing for this? Yes. Do I have any regrets? Nope.

anyway,

love you all,

jean <3

[anyhao-archived]

5 things tag meme

alright i was tagged by @actualprincejun (sorry this is so late! you’re the real mvp always tagging me in stuff ilu) to do the 5 things.... tag meme! this is gonna end up being long bc i tend to babble so i’ll put it under a readmore

5 things you’ll find in my bag:

it depends on if you mean backpack or purse. i’ll go with backpack bc that’s more interesting lol i’ll always have 

1) professional stuff like my wallet, school ID, textbooks, etc. along with a million pencils. seriously. idk why i have so many of them?? also my glasses

2) headphones, for obvious reasons lol i dont go anywhere w/o them. 

3) a pack of gum bc god knows i cant go through life without gum lol also for that reason where you can offer gum to people you dont know to socialize with them, PRO TIP FOR ALL YOU ENTERING COLLEGE bring gum so you can give some to your neighbors in class/partners, they’ll like you much better i promise. dont wait for them to ask, offer!!! 

4) i usually have a stash of extra tampons and pads on the off chance i get my period or someone needs one lol

5) a miscellaneous item. it changes by the day. sometimes itll be a bunch of plastic bags, or (most likely) food of some sort lol but ive also found a twenty dollar bill at the bottom of my backpack so its rly just... random. one time i found a gift card to borders, which is funny bc they had been out of business for years when i found that lmao

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom:

im a huge fan of collecting random shitty trinkets that are no use to me whatsoever, so i’ll pick my 5 favorites i guess lol which will likely be incredibly hard... im a hoarder

1) ive got a cute little plant that im convinced is dying, im sorry! the leaves are still green so... i guess its still alive at least a little bit

2) ive got a relatively big replica of the boats from like the 1400s, you know the ones with all those sails and you think of pirates when you see it? yeah thats it 

3) on my wall there’s a bunch of masquerade masks pinned up there, one of them is really nice, im surprised ive not broken it yet. along with the masks are some beautiful folding fans, the ones you always see in historical movies. they’re really breathtaking

4) OH I CANT FORGET ve got my day6 daydream album poster on my wall i love it to bits it just... fits my room so well. i didnt put my mamamoo or seventeen poster up bc day6 feels better in my room

5) ive also got a bunch of these weird... hand things. like ive got two porcelain sculptures of hands put together, holding palms up, like when youre trying to hold water in your hands. i use one of them to put my keys everyday so i know where they are. ones a coin holder. and ive also got a mini statue of just a regular hand and i put my necklaces/jewlery on the fingers to hold. its pretty cool

5 things I’ve always wanted to do in life:

1) SKY DIVING!!!!! i am determined to go sky diving before i die. coincidentally, when i get in a... bad .. mood i always remind myself of that pact and im like Alright....... and i feel less bad in that sense i guess. ive seriously wanted to do it for so long but never had the chance/money

2) become fluent in another language will always be one of my lifelong goals. once i learn one, i want to learn another. my problem is i just cant stick with one

3) live in a house with a secret room like with those bookshelves. man that would be cool

4) have all the weird pets. i want a pet rat, a pet iguana, a pet ferret, a parrot, lol that rhymed, you know all the good ones

5) travel, obviously

5 things I’m currently into:

1) writing. i dont think ill ever not be into writing, just my interest will fluxuate i suppose

2) making gifs! i just recently started that and with a friend’s help learned how to do quite a few things in photoshop, so im still trying to learn more about it

3) fuck if i know?? i dont have any interests unless i have 1 and im hyper aware of it

4) in that case kpop i guess

5) ???? someone please tell me who i am

5 things on my to-do list:

1) shower lmao i hate when i dont have stuff to do during the day bc i dont shower i just.... sit. and be on the computer. which is seriously not healthy for me ive found, its a big cause of mental health(TM)

2) get rid of this fucking acne holy shit its so stubborn i may cry ive been trying for months now with a couple different things and Nothing Is Working

3) start actually eating healthy and working out yikes i keep telling myself i will but its just so hard to get started. once im in a routine its fine but the starting.....

4) try to write something even if its just a sentence

5) idk, do my homework maybe and not screw myself over by waiting till the last minute. also i want to get out of the house. this ice storm & 4 day weekend is giving me cabin fever 

5 things people may not know about me:

1) what am i supposed to write here no ones gonna care enough to know these facts lol  i guess for this 1st one ill write that im way less optimistic than people usually think i am im just good at faking it

2) i like to think im good with reading people and knowing them, even if they dont know themselves. 

3) all my job aspirations are too much for me to handle. being a teacher actually wasnt my first choice, its just the one that hurts the least. i wanted to be a therapist, but knew i couldnt talk to a depressed patient without bursting into tears myself. i wanted to be a vet/doctor but i could never handle death. especially being a vet. i wanted to be a forensic analyist or fbi agent or something but that also deals with death and i just... cant. a teacher is realistic. it may not be what i want, but its what im going to be. wow i went on a long tangent there y i k e s

4) i am one of the few people that actually like their parents. they may not be perfect but i have so much to thank them for. also, my mom always told me that if i befriended someone who didnt like their mom/dad/parents that shes your mom now. lol i used to compare her to mrs clause bc thats the type of person she is shes chubby and constantly smells like cookies and smiles all the time and is just... happiness

5) my favorite thing in the world is buying/making presents!!!! bc its one of the only things im good at lol i love giving people presents because theyre always perfectly chosen, a story behind each thing. its the only time my hyperawareness of people and sentimental-ness comes in handy

okay wow that entire thing was long and took forever and tbh i probably said too much but whatever lol ill go ahead and tag a few people. as always, you dont need to if you dont want to! @jmplel @fishpun @whysuga @85milk @kiryues @jihyeon @alipurple