#I don't usually angst but this specific flavor is exactly what hurts me

[thisisallthehattersfault]

Wei Ying smiles like the sun.

When they were younger, Lan Wangji had felt scorched by it. It had seared into his bones and behind his retinas, ivory-bright and burning, and so, for fear of what would become of him if he looked too long, he had turned away.

Now the clouds have covered the sun, and it shines through so rarely that every glimpse of it is a treasure beyond reason or compare, and so -- even though he knows he should not -- Lan Wangji creeps forward on silent footsteps, peering a little closer, desperate in a wordless, formless, twisting way for even a glimpse, even a glimmer, even a tiny flash of that smile.

The bunny burrows deeper into Wei Ying's robes, and he grins, and it is like Lan Wangji is standing in the sun again after so many weeks of rain.

Then the wind shifts. Lan Wangji's robes, his ribbon, his hair suddenly lift and carry out far enough to catch the corner of Wei Ying's eye, and the clouds return so quickly Lan Wangji feels dizzy with it, feels sick. Wei Ying's back goes perfectly straight, and his face falls into an expression of cold neutrality. Lan Wangji has to clench his jaw to choke back a cry of despair.

His husband turns to face him without actually looking at him. Wei Ying solutes him with formality and grace. Greets him with "Hanguang-Jun."

The sun is gone again.

The sun is gone, and there is nothing Lan Wangji can do to bring it back -- not when he is the cloud that covers it. He should have turned away as soon as he saw Wei Ying in the field. He should not have intruded on this private moment of happiness, not when Wei Ying seems to experience happiness so rarely, now.

Lan Wangji returns the bow, greets his husband. Tells him "I am being sent on a night-hunt. I will depart this evening, and estimate it will take me three days to return."

Wei Ying does not ask to come along. His eyes do not light up in curiosity, he does not bounce on his knees and pester Lan Wangji for information about where he is going or what he is hunting. All Wei Ying does is incline his head and say "Alright."

Come with me, Lan Wangji wants to say, but he knows he hasn't the right. Wei Ying is likely relieved to have Lan Wangji out of his hair for a few days. Maybe, without Lan Wangji there to cast a shadow over him, Wei Ying will allow himself to smile.

I didn't mean to take it from you. I didn't know I could. I didn't realize how much power I had, how much I was hurting you. I would do anything to make you happy here. I wish I could figure out how.

Lan Wangji accepts the dismissal for what it is. He turns, and leaves, and hopes his husband will breathe easier with him gone. Maybe he should start taking more night hunts.

-------------------------

He doesn't know how long Lan Zhan has been standing there, but it's definitely been long enough to see Wei Wuxian rolling around in the dirt with the rabbits like an idiot. He tries to correct his posture, schools his face. Maintain a proper seat. Do not smile for no reason. Excessive displays of emotion are prohibited. Act with decorum.

It isn't enough. By the time he has himself presentable, Lan Zhan is visibly grinding his teeth. Even from here, Wei Wuxian can see the way his jaw flexes when he clenches it. He's expecting to be scolded -- pets aren't allowed in Cloud Recesses, and this clearing technically isn't in the bounds of Cloud Recesses but no Lan has ever cared about technicality when it came to obeying their rules. (Or punishing people for not obeying their rules.)

Still, it isn't Lan Zhan's fault that Wei Wuxian is exactly as much of a terrible husband as Madam Yu always told him he would be, so he salutes exactly as is proper between married spouses and calls Lan Zhan by his title, as respectfully as he can.

Lan Zhan bows back, and doesn't immediately drag Wei Wuxian off to be punished. Huh.

Maybe... maybe he appreciates the attempt?

Wei Wuxian is trying. He's trying so fucking hard. Does Lan Zhan see that? Does he -- does that mean anything to him? Does it matter to him that Wei Wuxian is trying as hard as he can, even though he keeps fucking up?

"I am being sent on a night-hunt. I will depart this evening, and estimate it will take me three days to return."

Ah. He's just in a hurry, then. That makes more sense.

Wei Wuxian nods. Says "Alright," to show he understands. Lan Zhan will probably pass his punishment on to someone else, then, or he'll decide what to do about Wei Wuxian when he gets back.

The stupid, childish part of Wei Wuxian that refuses to fucking learn wants to say be safe or come back to me. Wants to take Lan Zhan's hand in his and kiss the backs of his knuckles as a goodbye. Wants to help him pack, and see him off at the gates. Wei Wuxian has accepted that he'll never step foot outside the Cloud Recesses again, so going with Lan Zhan isn't an option for him, but at least a proper goodbye, at least something --

He crushes that stupid, childish part of himself as ruthlessly as he can. He has bothered Lan Zhan more than enough. The poor man is literally trapped with him now, and Wei Wuxian still can't be a decent husband for him. Lan Zhan deserves a few days to himself.

He knots his hands in the skirt of his robes, and bites his tongue hard enough to hurt, and doesn't move, and doesn't speak, and doesn't lift his eyes from the fluffy back of the little white rabbit until his husband's footsteps have vanished down the path, and Wei Wuxian is alone again.

[jellybeanium124]

so first off SALS includes the right both to like and hate a ship. it just means be chill. but basically as someone who (sorry) enjoys steddyhands/stizzy (sorry)... man I wish more of people who were into it were normal (sorry again). like dude it sucks having to basically go into fics with a checklist of things that it needs to do or avoid, or suddenly hitting one sentence and going "fuck this shit, I'm out."

I've always been a crack-ish multishipper. putting characters into relationships who are not canonically in one and maybe shouldn't be and thinking about what might happen has always been fun for me. relationships are emotionally intense and great for character drama/interactions in general. and these ships only work if you soften izzy. like obviously. I think there are ways to do it that keep him more recognizable, but sometimes people just don't care.

to me, stizzy without steddyhands only works in some kind of au where neither of them know ed, and even then I think you should ask yourself why you are pairing them together and not gentlebeard. I think there are legitimately premises that you could explore with stizzy and not with gentlebeard. on the most basic levels there's the enemies-to-lovers thing, but there's also izzy's toxic masculinity/internalized homophobia issues. how would he deal with being in a relationship with his complete antithesis? how would this force him to confront his inner demons? how would stede react to these struggles? how would he try to help, and when would he get mad at izzy for being an asshole? you can write a story where getting together with stede forces ed to confront his inner demons, but the stizzy version of that and the gentlebeard version of that are not going to be the same story.

in the end, I think this comes down to a very basic disconnect (besides the racism and shitty tropes, and all that). in my mind there are two kinds of fanfiction: fanfiction that exists primarily to be in communication with its source text, and fanfiction that exists primarily to get an emotional response out of the audience (porn, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, any emotion, basically). this isn't a one-or-the-other situation, but every fic and every writer thinks one of these is more important than the other. every fic favors one of those goals. and having the latter goal isn't a bad thing! most bad fics have the latter goal, but not every fic with the latter goal is a bad fic.

stizzy and steddyhands, as ships, do not exist primarily to be in communication with the source text. and if they are, that communication is usually opinions I don't like (izzy deserves to be a protagonist or some shit, yknow). these ships exist for porn, for hurt/comfort, for angst, for fluff, for creating a highly specific emotional experience for the author and readers. "well why are they even writing fanfiction then?"/"why don't they go find other characters who are closer to the dynamic they're writing" because they are attached to these characters and want them involved in these emotions, and because they are okay with their work being very different from the source material.

idk if this makes any sense lol. it's not exactly a defense or anything. it's definitely not a defense of people who think ed needs to be babysat, fuck those guys. I guess I just kinda wanted to give my perspective on why these ship interest me? I think a lot of y'all's posts on the subject come down to: "why would anyone like this? it wouldn't work in canon" and the canyon response to that is "well it does actually *some fucking bullshit, etc etc*" and my response to that is "I know, I'm fine with that, I just like the situations it opens up and I like the emotional catharsis I can experience from some of these fics, even tho they are 'bad fics' in that they are not in any sort of real communication with the source text." and you can think that's bad lol, like it does sound kinda bad when I write it out like that. but you can't get the specific flavors of emotional catharsis from fics from any other medium of art, generally speaking. not in the same way, not easily, and not in 2k words.