#I don't want my shit tracked

[queers4years]

tumblr fucking broke

I can't use it thru Firefox on my phone. (Not if I want to reblog posts anyway). So my options are safari 🤮 or the tumblr app 🤮🤮🤮

[millipedegf]

terfs fuck off !!!!!!

[ilkkawhat]

Hope you don't mind me asking, do you have more gifs or pics of Ilkka fang? I remember you posted it not long ago and I also got obsessed with his fang 😭

immediately the street where i live comes to mind but i can make it my mission tonight to make a dedicated gifset of them

[mod2amaryllis]

who else haunted by an apology you never got the chance to make???? 🤪🤪🤪

[b4kuch1n]

dip pen ink comm batch 4 complete! for Ezechiel, @ohwwhuv, and Leo :]

[homeless202]

I’m new here and I absolutely love your type of blogs with analysis and meta and long texts~~

I was wondering—is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship the kind that could be interpreted as romantic?

first of all, welcome and ty! and sorry it took me so long to reply, i hope u're still around anon. now to answer ur question

i'll take this opportunity to share all my thoughts on the topic bc i have Many.

TLDR: it is possible to read it as romantic if you really want to, but it's not meant to (at least not as of right now in the story aka ch.224)

deep dive under the cut as to why

-> can Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship be interpreted as romantic?

i like how you phrased that bc, the thing is, interpretation is very subjective. you're welcome and allowed to interpret things however you want, but in EY&HJ's case, i feel like you'd have to work a lil extra hard to get to that point.

-> is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship meant to be interpreted as romantic?

this one's easy bc no. objectively Not. the genre of No Home is drama and slice of life (and once upon a time, horror). even if they were to ever end up in a romantic relationship, that's not what the story is about.

when i ask myself what the author's intention is with this story, i'd say it's to (realistically) portray how a young person with trauma would navigate another young person's trauma. and showing how easy it is to unintentionally fuck it up for various reasons: lacking context as to what exactly said trauma is, generally not knowing how to navigate it, their own trauma getting in the way, lacking the necessary resources. take your pick.

think of it like "how should i carry someone else's baggage when i have my own to deal with?" while also keeping in mind they're kids; they often don't have enough experience to know how to help, and even when they know what the right thing to do is, they're not old enough to take (legal) action.

and especially, the most heart-breaking yet realistic thing, when you're just getting to know someone, you can't know everything about them. it's so easy to accidentally do or say sth that cuts or offends when it wasn't meant to. but when they've got their own issues, it's hard not to take it personally (eg. EY talking about HJ's parents without knowing his mom died not long ago in the beginning of the story).

-> what even is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship??

this one's so funny bc i have no idea how to answer and i'm convinced not even EY and HJ themselves would know how to answer. they're not really friends; they got off on the wrong foot and kept walking with two left feet way too much to call themselves friends. the things that pushed them together the most were the dorms (not anymore) and the same friend group (more or less since EY has multiple).

what fits them best i'd say is "the universe forced us together against our will and now we're stuck with one another altho we hate each other" (<- at least in the beginning) extended with the "misery loves company" sentiment. finding comfort in someone who gets it, even tho they only kinda get it but not really but it works out anyway except it doesn't <- THERE'S NO NAME FOR THAT *cry* they invented a new type of character dynamic smh (i've never read a pairing with so much (romantic) potential only to see them completely fuck up their chance so royally by the end of their interaction EVERY SINGLE TIME. like yeah, enemies to lovers whatever BUT NOT TO THAT LEVEL HOLY SHIT)

they've changed each other, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. they're compatible in the way they understand each other on a deeper level and incompatible in the way they don't.

...however...

this is how HJ thinks of EY: (and also what No Home is truly abt)

and this is how EY feels about HJ after EY found out HJ used to steal as well (aka that HJ isn't perfect like the stuck up bitch EY thought he was at first):

so...

<- -> EY's first impression of HJ was that he was looking down on him and sth like "does this guy have ulterior motives? or is he just that naive being so trusting?" until EY found out HJ wasn't that different from him. after that, EY started admiring HJ for still managing to achieve things in life despite the hardships he had to go through. the type of admiration that can easily (and sometimes does) slip into envy.

-

since the beginning, EY has helped HJ (or at least tried to) without him knowing. sometimes it worked out, sometimes not. most times EY tried doing sth nice for HJ was (from EY's perspective) in return to HJ trying to help him or doing nice things for him (which, again, sometimes worked out, sometimes not). EY was just paying back a debt to "this stubborn naive guy who keeps getting into trouble and butting into his business. gotta look out for this idiot or he might get scammed." (<- eg. when EY offered to get HJ's money back from his uncle)

he doesn't do it for credit or friendship or out of obligation, he's just doing what he thinks is the right thing bc he doesn't want to owe anyone anything. he can't accept people just genuinely being kind, genuinely caring and genuinely wanting to help. but he's been learning and slowly coming to terms with it.

-

<- -> HJ first wanted to try befriending EY despite not liking him bc, well, the guy did steal his wallet and stab him in their first interaction. after trying and failing at it multiple times, thanksgiving happened, and HJ started thinking of EY as his underclassman bc he realized EY's just a kid with issues and he should keep an eye on him (discretely bc EY hates pity).

-

with time HJ has come to understand EY better by going after him whenever he ran off and slowly realized that EY does mean well and has his reasons (as fucked up as they might be sometimes). but his mentality abt EY is still "i gotta push him in the right direction cuz he's my underclassman and i unintentionally got attached to him (somehow??)" (also bc he knows EY already gave up on himself so he needs a lil help to find his way again. also also bc he knows EY is lowkey suicidal and he's scared it'll be his fault if sth happens) <- his care for EY comes from a protective/nurturing (/possibly maybe guilty) place which started when he realized EY was just a kid^^. in other words, HJ still bothers with EY out of a subconscious sense of responsibility/obligation in a way (a good way tho. or at least a way that gets better)

see, sth i struggle with is if HJ thinks he has to or wants to or thinks he should or can't just not help/care for EY. i can't exactly pinpoint where the sentiment is coming from. his face is too blank for me to read sometimes T_T

-

to summarize: HJ is EY's goal, what EY wishes he could've been. and EY is HJ's 'responsibility' so to speak (bc 'burden' doesn't quite fit since HJ is there for EY willingly) -> EY has a positive opinion of HJ while HJ has a neutral opinion of EY (which is also gradually getting better)

note1: i think HJ's intention (maybe subconsciously) was to be to EY what HJ's upperclassman was to him. aka someone who's there when you need it and can help guide you. it would explain why HJ kept chasing after EY despite not really having a reason to and EY repeatedly rejecting HJ's care/help.

note2: i also believe the 'upper-under-classman' relationship dynamic fits them the best atm bc it also matches the way the story often singles EY out as he's the only second year (aka younger) of the 6 MCs.

-> Romance in No Home?

another thing i should mention is that No Home rarely leaves things open for interpretation. the deepest arguments EY&HJ had were always spelled out for us, to make us understand exactly what the problem was, and how there isn't a good guy and a bad guy. it's just two people with issuesTM.

from what we've seen in the story up to this point, i couldn't pick out a moment where i'd go "here! that's romantic! that's the moment they realized SomeThing!" yk

when it comes to romance specifically, i feel like a handful of opportunities were missed. there are scenes which could've easily been written trough a rosy lens but simply weren't.

exhibit A:

HJ was speechless bc "wow this mf really is actively picking a fight with an authority figure. i gotta make sure things don't escalate" not bc "hoLY sHiT hE's PreTTy. all his fangirls are on to something". however, this only becomes more clear when you keep reading the next few chapters, so i understand how you could interpret it as the latter.

exhibit B:

here they got so close and the moment was so deep bc "woaa he said he believes me. no one's said to me that before!". unfortunately, EY was panicking too much for it to mean something bc of the guilt he felt for HJ trusting someone so undeserving of trust like EY.

exhibit C:

this is maybe the closest we got to romantic between these two. i think this might be the only (or at least first) ever deep interaction between them that didn't end in a fight or misunderstanding. is it meant to be romantic tho? -> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-> what do i think?

first, full transparency: i went into reading this story fully expecting it to be a BL and for EY&HJ to end up together. but the more i kept on reading, the more i got the ick thinking about them being in a (romantic) relationship bc, at least from what we've seen so far in the story, their relationship would be so ToxicTM (which i personally don't enjoy reading).

as they are right now, i wouldn't want them to be together like that. like, honestly, you still can't really consider these two even friends; they just tolerate each other if the stars align correctly (altho, i'll admit, their relationship is gradually getting better!!). every big argument they had i thought "god, there's no coming back from that. i'd cut ties so quickly if was them wtf". i still don't know how they managed to keep on interacting, props to them ig.

there's a lot of unresolved issues between them. and a lot of resentment which would not bode well in a romantic relationship. the smallest argument would turn explosive and they'd be, at best, in an on&off type of relationship. they both have the power to break the other and neither would be afraid to use it. they have a lot of history together, which is not always pleasant, so if they ever were to go the romantic route, it would have to be a long way to go.

technically, i could see them in a romantic relationship if they both went to therapy first and talked out all the baggage they're carrying (both individual and shared). realistically tho, what i think will happen at the end of No Home is that either they never cross paths again after high school ends (which would absolutely break my heart Wanan pls don't), or they somehow (unintentionally) end up living together bc they both desperately needed a roommate to pay rent (which would be a hilarious fucking gag LMAO). just, HJ going to uni/work and EY doing his own thing (prolly an actor) while still cohabiting together; hanging out to watch a movie before bed <- (whether platonic or romantic being left up for interpretation)

<- -> in conclusion, from what we've seen up to this point, their relationship is mainly upper-under-classman; reluctant (maybe) friends who tolerate each other but also care (too) deeply. they've changed each other, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. in some ways they're compatible and in others they're not.

all this being said, their relationship is improving and romance between EY&HJ is not impossible, just rather unlikely imo. but, again, interpretation is subjective and u're welcome to read their relationship however you want.

[watermelinoe]

my niece once got upset w my dad bc he wouldn't buy her some overpriced drunk elephant skincare product. she was freaked out about getting wrinkles. at age eight. i wish her mom had never bought her that damn smartphone

[rataltouille]

an hour into using obsidian and like what do you mean this was always available and free to use AND NOBODY TOLD ME

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

The urge to spend a 100$ on merch before getting my paycheck is so strong. I might not survive soldiers

[bonetrousledbones]

getting a sudden resurgence of art motivation is such a blessing and a curse tbh. bc on one hand im drawing a lot and having a lotta fun doing so but on the other hand i wanted to make Even More secret stuff for atbb that requires drawing so i told myself i would make a few very sketchy things that would have to be quick and don't have to be Insane Awesome Quality since they'll be blurry as hell in the final product anyway and i have like less than a week / a couple days at most to get it all ready in time

so anyways now it's 3am and i just finished the first of what i still want to do after 3 days

[alertarchitect]

I... Think I'm experiencing one of those moments of wistful nostalgia that leads to the road of constantly missing and wishing for "the good ol' days," even though I know that line of thinking is what leads to a lot of the "look at how great the US was before black people could vote! Hell, before women could vote!!" nonsense conservative reactionaries spout, but... There's just something weird about feeling something and not realizing what it is until you've almost gone through it completely. Especially since there's this weird sense of mourning tied to it, which you'll understand in a bit if you choose to read on. I'll put a full explanation of what I mean below the cut so my nonsense rambling won't fuck with your tumblr scrolling. CW, I'm going to be talking about Rooster Teeth, which involves some of the controversies that came up towards the end of its lifespan, so if that stuff (including discussions of homophobia, grooming, and abuses of power for sexual favors) triggers your trauma response and/or you were a victim of certain parties who were fired from the company for good reason in the last few years of RT (if you know, you know, and if you don't, well I'll get into it under the cut), feel free to skip this for your own safety.

So, I was a Rooster Teeth fan in one way or another for a very long time. I first watched Red vs. Blue when I was, admittedly, far too young to do so (I was born in 2000, and I was watching it on YouTube on the first iPod touch I owned that had the YouTube app back when the icon for YouTube was still meant to look like an old CRT TV... Yeah, far too young for that show lmao), around 2010-ish got into Achievement Hunter thanks to the Halo Reach Fails of the Weak series, which lead to their Minecraft series, then I had a massive hyperfixation on RWBY (though I didn't realize it was a hyperfixation due to being very uneducated on the ADHD I knew I had because I was a kid, was scared out of agreeing to get medicated by my mother when I was diagnosed at around 6-7 years old if I'm remembering the time frame correctly, and was taught the idea that you "grow out of" being neurodivergent) for the first 4-5 seasons or so. I was even a Rooster Teeth FIRST member for years when I started working.

Now, obviously, I took a bit of a step back from watching them around 2020 or so when the controversy around Ryan Haywood being a grooming creep who allegedly succeeded at having physical relations with minors (while married with kids btw) using the power dynamic of them being AH fans as an entry point to conversation and a way to coerce them came to light - and I ended up staying with watching RT in general, though I was far more into Achievement Hunter in particular at the time, because I felt they had shown that the people around Ryan didn't know he was a piece of shit and genuinely felt disgusted, betrayed, and overall appalled at what they learned about him. I also ended up maintaining my FIRST subscription, which was yearly anyway so I couldn't have really paused it at the time since they already had my money, but I decided to stay with supporting them because I liked the content and getting the early videos, exclusive series, and other stuff through the app and website.

Fast forward to late 2022. Now, at this time, I was dealing with the massively first-world problem of liking the content RT was producing, though not as much as I used to because things had changed a lot and I missed a lot of the "IRL fucking around in our offices" stuff that seemed to have gone completely by the wayside by that point, but I was also up-to-date on all of the stuff on their site that I cared about watching and so I started watching more stuff on YouTube again since, once I had started paying for FIRST, I had basically made RT into my primary content source to get my money's worth out of it. I listened to a lot of the podcasts that were kinda branched out from the AH space, such as Off Topic, Face Jam, and F**kFace (no, I'm not self-censoring, that is how the name of that podcast was stylized), the exclusive stuff related to those shows offered through the subscription, basically all AH content, and more.

I was basically current with all of it, because earlier in 2020 I was kinda in friend-group-limbo, where I was finally trying to find groups of friends away from just being in groups that I was introduced to by my sister where everyone just knew me as her younger sibling, and it was only around early 2022 that I actually started getting into the consistent friend groups I have now that I would consider some of the people I'm closest to in my life, including the group that I met my boyfriend in - partially thanks to a somewhat-depression-fuelled obsession with Destiny 2 that started shortly after the release of the expansion The Witch Queen. Due to my mostly-friendless life before then, not really knowing anyone IRL outside of family, the one friend group I thought I'd be able to stay in (a FFXIV FC I stumbled my way into) turning out to be fairly transphobic leading to me just straight-up ghosting them and quitting that game, and all of this being around the time that I finally quit League of Legends - which was both a toxic presence in my life that I was no longer enjoying but was also the main avenue I had for meeting and hanging out with friends - I ended up spending most of my free time thanks to the pandemic on a few, specific things. Those being 1) Zelda BotW on the Switch I purchased with my first-ever tax return since I had only started working in 2019, 2) my mostly fruitless-at-the-time pursuit of finding people who actually liked and knew me for me, not just my association with my sister, and 3) watching lots, and I mean LOTS, of videos on Rooster Teeth.

Seriously, through both of my failed attempts to go to college, the COVID-19 lockdowns, multiple personal events that led to me being pushed out of former friend groups not-so-subtly by my sister as I was trying to be a part of her groups a lot thanks to me not really knowing how to find people to interact with IRL or online for a variety of reasons, losing multiple good jobs that paid me much more than I get at this shitty retail job thanks to my own inability to handle having a full-time job without being constantly late to shifts and shit (seriously, working full-time hours makes me feel like absolute shit and I don't know if I'd ever be able to actually handle going back to a full-time job, which is why I really want to try and set things up to start streaming and turn that into something to supplement my part-time work enough to be able to live off of it and get away from my mother who is... not great), and multiple short-lived relationships that I still mourned over fairly heavily (to be fair, I had figured out I was pansexual, but I only realized in the past couple of months thanks to my BF that I'm demiromantic... plus I just didn't find any potential partners who understood my troubles with not being able to constantly message back and forth 24/7)... Watching a bunch of Rooster Teeth content was my comfort space, even when I didn't actually have my own space due to cramped living conditions for about a year at one point. It was what greeted me at the end of a long day of work, what got a chuckle or two out of me at my most depressed, what really defined (to me) some of the humor I love to this day of just friends fucking around and doing bits, I could forget some of the serious shit in the world that was going on for just a short time with the nonsensical stuff that just went into straight-up weird territory that really started rearing its head with the Morning Show Show (but was very visible with stuff like Last Laugh), and more. So I watched it all, voraciously, insatiably. I was caught up on everything until early 2022, when I started getting into Destiny 2 and actually, y'know, having friends again, so I missed a video here or there I'd catch up on later, usually as something to listen to as I went to sleep.

Then Kdin Jenzen made her post detailing all of the horrifically homophobic and transphobic bullshit she dealt with during her time working there, none of which I knew about because it had happened during times I was either too young to fully remember or during times I wasn't really watching RT. A "nickname" used for years (during which time people knew she was queer, btw, though she hadn't come out as trans yet and idk if even she realized that specific detail at the time) that was born from the f-slur. Horrific crunch that basically everyone in the company was subject to, constantly, which didn't change even after she was hospitalized with fucking pneumonia. She wasn't getting credited for videos she worked on. Then, she came out as trans, and the treatment got worse, where she'd deal with the same levels of overwork and crunch time while getting isolated off in a corner to do her work because "people had no idea how to deal with a trans woman," only there to do far too much work while simultaneously getting pulled out like a trophy as if to say "See? We're inclusive!!!" despite her horrible treatment and isolation.

In short, even though there were "a handful of good people" as she put it (with who being apparent by who she gave positive responses to at the time when they publicly apologized for their past behavior - some noting they had done so privately in the past and felt a public apology was still in order - with others being given rather harsh ones, including Geoff Ramsey, a founder whom she called out for never using the power he had as a founder of the company and as someone very high up in the company to do anything to stop the bullshit she and so many others dealt with at RT over the years), the company itself was absolute dogshit. So, I did what anyone should do in that situation - I felt absolutely sick to my stomach because I felt as if I, a queer person, had been duped for years on end by an inclusive PR image, set my FIRST subscription to never renew again, couldn't even stomach watching what they released during the time I could still watch ad-free until my subscription expired, pulled all of my RT merch out of my closet (all of which I ended up donating to a local Goodwill except for one shirt, though there's another one I regret getting rid of now), and proceeded to unfollow a lot of the RT people I had been following for years at that point en masse, with the exceptions of those Kdin personally responded well to.

Fast forward to now. I'm going to assume we all know that Rooster Teeth started the process of being fully shut down by Warner Media earlier this year, partially due to low revenue, partially because I don't think Warner could stomach having anything media-related they own have content anywhere that wasn't on HBO Max. As of now, the website is basically fully non-functioning, with just a farewell video and a simple goodbye message iirc. The only way to get many videos that were FIRST-member exclusive over the years is via the Internet Archive, and with recent rulings, that may very well be in jeopardy if the people who end up with the various RT IPs decide to have them pulled for one reason or another. Yet, because of a tangent in a conversation I had with my boyfriend after playing some Warframe, I started wondering what had happened to the various people and channels I used to follow...

So I went down a bit of a rabbit hole. I'm even following some of the ones that were decent people at a bad company that have gone independent, sometimes buying the old RT IPs they were associated with, now... but something just feels off. I felt empty. And now... I realize what's going on. I'm feeling this sense of nostalgia for a specific period of time in the history of Rooster Teeth's content production, during which I may have been at one of the lowest points of my life, but those videos were a massive source of solace during. I'm also grieving over the loss of a fucking company that I didn't even really care about anymore, but in some part of my mind I kind of did because of how formative some of the videos it produced were to me. I'm watching the post-mortem of a company that helped define so much of what we know as the modern internet thanks to its start as one of the last vestiges of the old internet before everything became overly monetized and corporate, for better or for worse - months after everyone else that still cared has already processed it.

I'm grieving over the final, 100% irreversible end of one of the last things that - again, for better or for worse - was a constant source of being able to see something new that fit within formats I was used to seeing since I was a kid.

If I wanted to see an actual let's play that had more than the bare minimum of editing done for a VoD that isn't just constant, over-the-top bullshit, had actual interaction between the people in it that showed they were at least work friends, that had all of the POVs in one video instead of needing to hop to 17 different VoD channels to see everything... Those videos were what I would turn to, more often than not. Like I said, new videos but in formats I loved. Now... even though I haven't watched anything like the old AH videos in almost 2 years since Kdin's post, I'm feeling this... Gap. A void. If I want to watch gameplay, chances are it'll be a VoD of someone I like watching, yes, but something like that lightning-in-a-bottle of the old AH stuff where everyone was in a room together and you didn't have to watch multiple VoDs to see everything you wanted to see... I genuinely don't know if that really exists anywhere anymore.

And thus, I grieve a part of my childhood and young adulthood that is gone forever. Sure, I can buy an external SSD and put copies of all of the old videos I liked on there for me to watch whenever I want, such as RvB or a bunch of the old AH stuff (I could probably even find the FIRST stuff that was never on YouTube if I really tried), it doesn't change the fact that, though some vestiges of what once was will live on through different podcasts and channels made by the few decent people that were left in the ashes of the dumpster fire that was Rooster Teeth, new stuff made like that is, quite possibly, gone forever unless someone were to get enough money scraped together to be able to try and do something like it again - and it's unlikely it'd make enough back to be around for long in the modern age of content creation and consumption. Hell, to my (fairly limited, admittedly) knowledge, even before RT was shut down, the main channel they owned that I'm nostalgic for now was essentially shut down - Achievement Hunter was retired and the people that remained made something called DogBark.

It's a part of the unending march of time - things come and go, no matter how much of a constant they may seem in the background of your life, even if you aren't engaging with them how you used to. But even knowing that... This one's hurting a bit as I finally process it. Especially as I take the time to write a post about it to be able to get these thoughts out of my head and off of my chest without directly weighing down those around me with my glum rambling about a shit company I didn't even watch anymore going under. It just feels... wrong, in some way. Hell, I'm anticapitalist as shit, but because of how formative those videos were to me for so long, I'm mourning the shutdown of a shitty fucking company that was a WARNER MEDIA SUBSIDIARY!!!

The human mind is a hell of a thing to have to deal with sometimes, huh...

[stabbyfoxandrew]

i tried to buy some shit off a facebook group and i think i've been scammed and i'm really pissed off TWT

[tellthemhowihopetheyshouted]

[ruthlesslistener]

Maintinance staff came by and when I said I prefer shoes off one of them said 'I don't. I prefer to keep my shoes on' with an unhappy face like fucking excuse you. I live here I just washed the fucking floor you're not coming in to check the AC until you give them up

[w3t-c4t]

AAAAGHHHHH

Vent in tags.

[thedissociatives]

😬😬