#I found out recently that HG Wells put a bit of money down for it actually

[akiraofthefour]

[Gilbert] Roland... wanted to see Oscar Wilde's tomb at Pere Lachaise. 'It was abandoned, forgotten, he wrote, 'lizards crawled all over it, it depressed me, and at the Castiglione Bar with Buster Keaton we got drunk. Buster because he was having trouble with Natalie, and I because lizards crawled on Oscar Wilde's tomb.'

James Curtis, Buster Keaton: A Filmmaker’s Life

[scummy-writes]

Stupid and Sappy post

*waves hands* It’s time for Scum to say bye to MM under the cut! (This is very stupid jhfbjhf)

I can already feel people rolling their eyes at me for this, especially folks who keep like, vague tweeting me and shit over my opinions about this game, but guess what bitch is gonna write this anyway! Me! sfbjhdf

(This post is going to be incoherent at places, like as I am as a person, but also! I talk about heavy subjects like suic*de, so if that gets to you, please don’t read!)

To start it off seriously: even though recently I’ve had a lot of issues over this company with their lack of warning over heavy triggering content, and their very blatantly bad customer service, I still love the original game a lot. Not in the “Oh this plot is beautiful” way, but like. This game helped me at a time when I was extremely lonely, and was dealing with a lot of heavy shit at home.

If you guys have followed me since the beginning, you know know I started this blog just a few months after downloading this game. Like riiight at the beginning of Jan 2017, I made my first post on here- this blog is two years old! I started out as a HC blog and stayed that way for a while, and I think after I hit 1k followers I finally brought up the fact that I had an AO3 account- and folks realized I had started writing fics in oct 2016 for this game! So, a lot of people know that, wow! This game inspired me a lot creatively and helped me hone my writing skills a bit more after a while not being in a writing class! (And yes, my early fics I absolutely refuse to look at because I hate how I used to write JHBJSBFS).

What a lot of folks don’t know, is that at the very beginning of august, I had gotten out of a ward after coming very close to doing something pretty bad to myself. 

Granted, I didn’t have to stay in there long- I had put myself in there so I could also leave whenever I wanted (as long as the docs deemed me safe to leave as well) but I kept myself in there for a good bit so I could do a lot of critical thinking and not stress so much about my job at the time.

Afterwards, I got out, while I wasn’t still at That Point, I was still struggling pretty bad mentally. Home life was rough, my mom was battling with a terrible boyfriend at the time that lived with us, and I was still dipping back into some pretty bad thoughts.

Then, a friend I’ve had for a while now, introduced me to this game! And, well, I already covered that it helped me a lot in the creative process, but it also helped distract me a shitton from the bad home life I had.

A lot of people probably also remember that a month after having this blog up and running, my mom tried killing herself.

Everything is still really vivid in my memory about that- because like. So many things could have gone wrong. My little brother could have fallen asleep earlier before he found her, I could have picked up that extra hour for my shift at work, this, that- but long story short she’s still alive.

But it was a terrible year for me. Probably, arguably, all of 2017 was the worst year I’ve had in my life so far. So many things happened with my mother, she was mentally unstable, and after a lot of threats against me I even had to move out until she was more stable and, you know, not threatening to hurt me/break my shit.

And, a lot of you know, while I was constantly dealing with my own mother threatening me and trying to disown me, I was also being harassed on a constant basis over juz*n bullshit. Words cannot describe how laughably stupid that whole situation was, but it was completely, utterly, ridiculous bullshit. 

Add that onto me dealing with the IRL struggles with my mom, some of which are somewhat starting to repeat even now- to the point where I’m going to be moving out again soon- well. Shit! It sucked, lol. It sucked a lot, and there were many times where I wish I was back in the hospital or worse.

But, and yes I’m gonna say exactly what yall are expecting, again- this game helped me out a lot. I constantly felt alone and worthless- my own mother was abandoning me- and these voiced sprites made me feel less alone. Gave me the attention I wish I had IRL.

And, well, a lot of my 2017 year is easy to summarize. Constantly harassed, bullied, and dealing with stupid fandom wank. But, also, filled with wonderful messages and support from you guys. 

I’ve preached before how follower counts are ridiculous to base your self worth on- and yes I still agree to that, please don’t base your self worth on follower counts. Or anyone’s! - but some of you have literally followed me since the beginning, or for a Very Long Time, if not. I may be terrible with names, but I still recognize you guys and all the kind words you’ve sent me, and I hope you guys know you helped just as much as MM was helping me.

I’m getting incoherent, but a lot of what I’m trying to say is that, this game has helped me out a shitton. That’s probably why I get so vocal about issues concerning the company- not out of a sense of ‘they owe me’ (they owe me absolutely fucking nothing), but just. It sucks seeing a game that used to be so wonderful in its prime, go so fucking downhill so fast. Customer service used to be wonderful, I remember accidentally putting down my old address for the VIP package and messaging them right after I ordered explaining I needed a change of address, and a Live Person getting back to me within the hour and fixing the issue.

Comparing that with, you know, the Four Fucking Months it took to speak to Someone Successfully about the saeran daki bullshit- then you know...Well, yeah you guys know, I’ve went off about it before.

Now it’s apparent that they’re more money hungry, with how you had to pay 900+ hgs with the recent AE stuff with V, and...hoo boy, I’m sure everyones heard enough at this point.

So, backtracking a bit because I’m chugging coffee and all incoherent, this game has brought in a lot of positives in my life. You guys, healthier distractions than what I used to do to myself, friends, creative outlets being brought back to life again. I think thats why I get so upset at the fandom, at people snapping at me for not liking some of the recent things cheritz has done- people fucking vaguetweeting me, for fucks sake, and getting so personally angry at me over how I got upset at Cheritz. Like, I’m not shitting yall, I literally lost friendships  over my opinions on cheritz.

And it sucks! Not gonna lie, like it sucks because it’s so fucking stupid. But then you take a look into the fandom- with the ongoing and constant harassment over contributors in charity zines, constant harassment over people if they like a character you don’t or vice versa, the harassment against artists concerning repostings or, god forbid, them drawing a ship you dislike- and it’s just. 

How did a game, focusing on the message of how kindness and patience can help out in so many ways, create this rabid fucking fandom?

Even content creators fight against each other. I cannot explain the bullshit I’ve seen over people being mad that they’re not on someones personal “recommended blogs to follow!” lists, over people going out of their way to harass folks because they didn’t make it on a zine, over people trying to use a follow count over why they’re much better than so and so- It’s just...Bad. All of it.

And, well. Combine Cheritz rapidly making their own game worse, in ways we all have heard about me (or others) complain about, and this terrible fandom, I think that perfectly explains why I’m uninstalling and pretty much being done with the fandom once the other stuff I’m involved in finishes.

This game brought a lot of happiness for me, and even with my recent grievances with this game, it (laughably) hurts to uninstall it. I know its ridiculous, god trusT ME i know, but it still sucks saying goodbye to something I still love, but can’t stand being around anymore. At this point, the fandom feels like an abusive ex-friend/whatever and the game used to be what good the ex had left. And now that thats getting worse...orz

I’ll always treasure the doors this game opened up for me- how it allowed me to meet amazing people, some of which I can happily say are my friends, and how it helped me become creative again, how I’ve been able to be on zines to help charities, and how I’ve been blessed to hear my writing impact people in positives ways- but here’s my sappy goodbye while I try to scrapbook the positive memories and bury the negative ones in upcoming therapy session.

If you read this far- bless yoooooou I know I sound like the damn. Crazy image of the dude with papers pinned to the wall, but I hope I made some sort of sense. Thank you!

[jacksauvage-blog]

tw: mental illness, drug use, addiction

Basic Information

Full Name: Jean Baptiste Sauvage

Nickname(s): Jack

Age: 36

Date of Birth: August 13th

Hometown: Paris, France

Current Location: Paris, France

Ethnicity: Malaysian

Nationality: French

Gender: Cis-Male

Pronouns: He/Him

Orientation: In modern terms, Jack is the type of person who would simply call himself “queer” and be done with it. For the purposes of this, though, he is demi- to aromantic and bisexual.

Religion: Atheist with some fringe interests in the occult.

Political Affiliation: General disinterest. He grew up in that world and has no desire to rejoin it.

Occupation: Film writer and director. Formerly (and occasionally still, a stage actor).

Living Arrangements: He lives in a small second story apartment. The neighborhood is rough but rent is cheap and no one bothers him. 

Language(s) Spoken: French and English, fluently. His Spanish is conversational but broken and largely forgotten and most of the phrases he remembers are elicit and sexual. He speaks key phrases in several other European languages and can ask for a drink and a cigarette anywhere in the world.

Accent: Jack’s accent can be hard to place and depends largely what language he’s speaking in. Typically, his accent has a heavy upper-class London influence, especially when he’s speaking English. His French accent is also a bit watered down by the time he spent in London and America.

Physical Appearance

Face Claim: Henry Golding

Hair Colour: Black

Eye Colour: Dark Brown

Height: 6′2″

Weight: 210

Build: Average build. He is in shape and has built strength over the years by carrying heavy filming equipment around. His muscles, though, are generally toned but not overly defined.

Tattoos: TBD

Piercings: None

Clothing Style: It is rare to see Jack dressed down. At most he is wearing a full tailored suit. At the least he’s wearing slacks and a crisp button down shirt with a suit vest.

Usual Expression: Jack’s default expression can be described as either “vacant” or “hyper-focused” depending on the angle. When he is by himself, he tends to get lost in his own thoughts and his people watching. In groups, especially after a few drinks, he finds himself much more at ease and wears the subtle hints of a relaxed smile.

Distinguishing Characteristics: Jack has a faint scar across the bridge of his nose--the result of getting mugged during his first few weeks in Brooklyn.

Health

Physical Ailments: Jack is relatively healthy with no chronic physical issues.

Neurological Conditions: Though none of this will ever be addressed, diagnosed, or treated, Jack probably has Persistent Depressive Disorder as well as a mild form of Psychosis or a mild Dissociation Disorder. This presents in infrequent but extended periods of time in which Jack disconnects from reality entirely. He tends to self-medicate and withdraw from all of his social obligations. These episodes are characterized by mild auditory and visual hallucinations, though whether this is caused by his disorder or his drug use is undetermined. Jack, however, just views these episodes as a natural part of his creative process and will never seek any type of medical or psychological intervention.

Allergies: None.

Sleeping Habits: Jack is in an almost constant state of sleep deprivation. He has trouble putting himself to bed and turning his brain off in a timely manner. This could either be a symptom or a cause of his aforementioned dissociative episodes, though it will remain unclear which. Combined with his frequent late nights out on the town, social engagements that last until well in the morning, and late night bursts if artistic inspiration, Jack’s sleeping patterns are as erratic as they are infrequent. He is always late to bed but early to rise and on a normal night he can expect to get around 3-5 hours of sleep with an hour-long nap or two somewhere in the day.

Eating Habits: Jack is not an overly picky eater, but he does tend to lean towards a healthy diet by default. He doesn’t cook in his hope (he doesn’t know how) so most of his meals are from restaurants, bars, and markets in the city. He keeps a sparse amount of food in his home, mostly alcohol and bread.

Exercise Habits: A lot of Jack’s physical exercise comes from things he does on a regular basis, rather than time set aside to devote to his fitness. He frequently moves heavy film equipment, sets up shots, hangs his own set pieces, etc. So, he gets a lot of physical exercise from what he does on a normal day. Additionally, Jack walks almost everywhere he goes.

Emotional Stability: Publicly, Jack is as stable as they come. It’s rare for anyone to see the cracks in his facade, but if people looked closely enough they’re definitely there. On a scale of 1 to 10, Jack would put himself firmly as a 9, ignoring how devastating his dissociative episodes can be for himself and anyone who happens to make contact with him during those times. Realistically, he’s probably a firm 5.

Sociability: Jack is a rather social creature by default. He enjoys spending time with others, but is highly selective of the people he chooses to surround himself with. He does not enjoy being part of a large crowd and will frequently find space to be alone if he is in a crowded venue. His personality doesn’t lend itself well to being the center of attention and he is normally fairly quick to shift that attention on to someone else. His interactions with people one-on-one take the form of in depth conversations with intensely probing questions. Jack takes an interest in people in a way that can make them feel as if he genuinely wants to know them. What they don’t know is that Jack has a bad habit of viewing people as source material rather than actual human beings.

Body Temperature: Cold-Natured.

Addictions: Yes?

Drug Use: Jack’s drug use is as erratic as his sleeping habits. He is a heavy smoker, both of cigarettes and marijuana, though these are so widely available and frequently used he would hardly consider them drugs. His vice of choice is cocaine, of which he is almost a daily user. During episodes, however, he can extend into more dangerous and illicit narcotics including heroin and mescaline. 

Alcohol Use: Jack is a social drinker. He always has a well stocked bar in his apartment but rarely drinks when he’s alone.

Personality

Label: The Cinephile

Positive Traits: Charming, creative, eccentric, intellectual, passionate, diligent, curious.

Negative Traits: Arrogant, careless, detached, dishonest, unstable, unreliable, messy.

Goals/Desires: Jack’s goals tend to be career oriented. Right now, his primary focus is making his next film. Everything outside of that is secondary. He doesn’t have many goals for his personal life, his love life, his family life, etc. His short term, daily goals all revolve around stimulation of some kind. Be it intellectual, emotional, physical. He’s always looking for something to inspire and motivate him.

Fears: Jack’s primary fears are failure and, by extension, fading into obscurity. He is on top of the world right now. His most recent film was a critical success but that was nearly two years ago. His ideas for his next film are fragmented and vague, he fears that he will never be able to piece them together. He also fears loneliness. Jack is a man who, despite his efforts to get to know people, only ever emerges with surface level relationships. He has hundreds of acquaintances whom he knows very well but feels little to no emotional connection to. This is, in part, because Jack has a tendency to view people as subjects and source material rather than emotional beings with wants and needs. This is also because he feels deeply uncomfortable letting other people into his life for fear of rejection. Jack doesn’t see himself as someone who is capable of having a meaningful connection with another person. And, though he’ll never admit it, this is something that makes him very sad. 

Hobbies: Aside from the obvious acting, writing, filming, Jack enjoys a number of solitary hobbies. He is a voracious reader. His favorite author is HG Wells but his favorite book is Dracula. He is also a frequent people watcher. It is not at all uncommon to find him at a back table in a crowded night club either reading or jotting down notes about the individuals around him. Additionally, Jack has a tentative interest in the occult. He is not a practitioner by any means, nor is he completely sure he believes in the whole concept. But, he owns a few books on the subject and can occasionally be found to dabble in the rituals and research of it all.

Habits: In addition to the more destructive habits mentioned in the health section, Jack’s most noticeable tick is popping his knuckles. It’s a small thing, but in a man with such a tight fist around his public image, anything that seems compulsive is noteworthy.

Favourites

Weather: Rain.

Colour: Black.

Music: I don’t think Jack has a preference for any type of music. It’s all background noise to him and not something he actively seeks out.

Movies: His own, obviously. Aside from that, he is inspired by French and German techniques as well as the rising Spanish surrealist movement.

Sport: Any sport where dashing young men break a sweat.

Beverage: Alcoholic--Scotch. Non-Alcoholic: Earl Grey Tea.

Food: Jack acquired a taste for traditional Spanish cooking and there is nothing quite like it in Paris. He is always sad.

Animal: There is a fat orange cat who has recently taken up residence on his balcony. He feeds it scraps and calls it Kit (short for Kitten because? sure why not?). Gun to his head, that dumb cat is his favorite animal.

Family

Father: Rene Sauvage (d.)

Mother: Sylvie Sauvage, 61.

Sibling(s): None

Children: None

Pet(s): None.

Family’s Financial Status: Upper-class, incredibly wealthy. Jack was cut off from the family fortune through most of his life. Recently, however, his father left him a significant sum of money in his will as an effort to make amends with his estranged son.

Extra

Zodiac Sign: Leo

MBTI: INFP

Enneagram: Type 3: The Performer 

Temperament: Melancholic 

Hogwarts House: Slytherine

Moral Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Primary Vice: Pride

Primary Virtue: Diligence 

Element: Fire