#I fucking gave up trying draw Adeline's mouth

[snickerdoodleo2]

THIS JUST IN! two  gay bitches, locally known by the names “Voltage” and “Shadow” have stolen MORE money from privileged rich people, their girlfriends having a Nice cup of tea at home

anyways!! Elena is by @linaisbluepancake , I love Elena with my entire life. call me the CEO of drawing other peoples ocs better than my own but thats ok because I managed to give Elena some justice 

[fuckallthegood0nesweretaken]

New World CH. Eight

Title: Potential Home

Words: 1891

Warnings: Strong sexual content (P in V sex, spicy kissing, groping), strong language

A/N: If you’d like to request something, send me an ask. I’d love to write for you!

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New World Masterlist

Daryl Dixon Masterlist

The Walking Dead Masterlist

Masterlist

~~~~~~~

The winter months had passed without any major incidents. No one died, but food was scarce and you were never able to stay in one place for more than a week. It got better as the months got warmer, but it was still rough.

 A few weeks had gone by before you and your brothers told the Greene family about the supernatural. It took a lot to convince them, but after a run in with a group of vampires, they believed you.

 You and Daryl had also gotten closer, and surprisingly, your slightly overprotective brothers didn’t have a huge problem with it. The two of you were good for each other, and they saw that. Daryl made you happy and that was something not a lot of people got these days.

 You had been on the road for a few days since the last house you stayed in was overrun. Lori looked like she was about to pop and you needed to find a place to stay. Going house to house or staying out the open wasn’t becoming an option anymore. So when you came across a prison while hunting with Daryl and Rick, you thought that this could be it.

 ---

 “We found a place,” Rick said when you got back to the group. “It’s a prison.”

 “A prison?” Carl asked.

 “Yeah. The fences held up and it looks good,” you said. “I think we should go for it. We also got some meat.”

 “We’d have to clear it out, but this could be it.”

 Everyone agreed, and piled into the cars. You sat with your brothers and daughter, as usual, and off you went. When you got there, Rick cut the fence while you helped fend off walkers as Sam held Adeline close. Once everyone was inside the fence, Daryl and Glenn tied it back together fast. Running along the path, you got to an open space.

 “It’s perfect,” Rick breathed as he looked at the prison yard. “If we can shut that gate and prevent more from getting into the yard, we can pick off these walkers.”

 “So how do we shut the gate?” Hershel asked.

 “I’ll do it. You guys cover me,” Glenn volunteered.

 “No,” Maggie said. “It’s a suicide run.”

 “I’m the fastest.”

 “No. You, Maggie, Beth, and T-Dog draw as many as you can over there. Pull them away from the middle of the yard and pop ‘em through the fence. Daryl, you and [y/n] get up in that tower there. Carol, you’ve gotten to be a pretty good shot, join them. Carl, Dean, and Hershel, you go in that tower. Sam, stay close to Lori and the kids down here. I’ll run for the gate.”

 “Be careful, Rick,” you said before running with Daryl and Carol to the tower. Adeline was still wrapped in Sam’s arms, her wide eyes watching as Lori opened the gate for Rick.

 Cautiously, you quickly made your way to the top. There were no walkers for you to take out and you were grateful for the small victory. Holding your rifle steady, you aimed the sights at the walkers in the yard. When the group on the ground attracted a fair bit, you opened fire. Carefully, you made every bullet count. You didn’t have a lot of ammo to spare and you knew it.

 The sound of gunfire filled the air, the sounds of bodies falling coming soon after. When Rick got to the gate, he kicked a walker out of the way and pulled it shut. You shot one that was sneaking up on him and when he managed to get into the third tower, you let out a sigh of relief.

 “He did it!” Carol said.

 “Light it up!” Daryl yelled to everyone.

 With a stupid grin on your face, you continued shooting down walkers until there were none left in the yard. Once they were all dead for good, you turned to Daryl and kissed him. His free arm went around your waist and you broke apart with a laugh. Carol was looking at the two of you fondly and walked down the tower stairs with a soft smile on her face.

 Once she was gone, Daryl pulled you closer to him. His lips met yours hungrily and you let out a small moan as his hand gripped your ass. You set your gun down and he set his crossbow down, pulling you closer to him now with both hands. There was no space between you and you could feel your body heating up. His touch was like fire and you couldn’t get enough of it. When he detached himself from your lips and started making his way down your neck, you keened.

 “D-Daryl,” you whimpered.

 “Yes?” He said, muffled slightly.

 “We’re out in the open. They could still see us.” Your voice cracked.

 “Don’t care. Need ta feel ya.”

 With that, he dug his fingers into your ass and you jolted, your belly hitting his hard cock. You moaned and Daryl hissed in pleasure. He hiked up your thigh, making it wrap around his waist. You rocked your hips up into him and he responded the same.

 “We-we should get back to the group. They’ll worry.” You didn’t want to stop, but you knew you had to.

 “Don’t wanna stop.”

 “How ‘bout this? We go back to the group and after they go to sleep, I’ll let you fuck me in this tower,” you purred into his ear.

 “Fuck,” Daryl groaned. His hips jerked forward at the thought of being able to properly fuck you for the first time in a while.

 “Sound good?”

 “Sounds perfect.” He kissed you hard once more and pulled himself away. You giggled as he adjusted his straining cock and he lifted an eyebrow at you.

 “What’s funny?”

 “Nothin’!” You said sweetly. Bending over to grab your gun, Daryl grabbed your clothed pussy and you moaned. Movements stuttering, you gave him a half-assed glare and he smirked cheekily.

 “What was that for?” You asked.

 “Nothin’,” he said.

 “Oh hush.” Daryl laughed and smacked your behind as you walked past him.

 “S’go, ‘fore your brothers throw a fit.”

 ---

 After you had taken the prison yard, you made a fire while some others went to get the cars. Everyone was in good spirits and you felt lighter than you had in months. Sitting on a blanket, your family beside you lighthearted, made it hard to wipe the smile off of your face. Daryl was watching the gate and Carol had brought him some food.

 Beth had started singing and you saw Daryl coming back, Carol in tow. Rick had come over too. Sitting down behind you, Daryl pulled you and Adeline into his lap and you snuggled close. Closing your eyes and listening to Beth’s and Maggie’s voices, you could feel yourself drifting off to sleep. When Daryl saw that, he gently jostled you awake.

 “Don’t forget your promise ta me,” he growled lowly in your ear. You shivered at the hunger in his voice and he pulled you closer.

 “Better all turn in,” Rick said. “I’ll take watch over there. Got a big day tomorrow.”

 “What do you mean?” You asked.

 “Look, I know we’re all exhausted. This was an amazing win. But we gotta push just a little more. Most of the walkers are dressed as guards and prisoners. There’s no civilians.”

 “That would mean that the whole prison is secure,” you said.

 “Exactly. It could also mean that the supplies may be intact. Food, medicine.”

 “Weapons?” Daryl asked.

 “That would be outside the prison itself, but no too far away. Wardens office would have the details. This place could be a gold mine.”

 “We’re dangerously low on ammo,” Hershel said. “We’d run out before we made a dent.”

 “That’s why we have to go in there. Hand to hand,” Rick said. “After all we’ve been through, I know we can handle it. These assholes don’t stand a chance.”

 You let out a small laugh and so did Carl. When Rick walked to the tower, Lori followed him. Daryl patted your thigh and you got up, setting a sleeping Adeline next to Sophia on your blanket.

 “We’re gonna go to the other tower to keep watch. You can only see so much from the one,” you said. Turning to Carol, you said, “Watch Adeline for me?”

 “Alright. Have fun,” Carol said, wiggling her eyebrows.

 “Not too much fun,” Dean muttered. Sam hit him in the side and Dean winced before waving his hand.

 Daryl scoffed and pulled you by the hand. The walk to the tower was quiet, and you swung your intertwined hands. Once you had climbed the stairs and stepped into the small room, Daryl pushed you up against the door. His hands practically tore your shirt off of your body, your bra going next.

 “Haven’t seen these perfect tits in too long,” Daryl groaned. He palmed at your chest and you keened, pushing yourself into him. You pulled him in for a kiss, running your hands up his shirt. He tugged his shirt over his head and threw it in the corner of the room before lifting you up onto the desk. Trailing his lips down your neck and onto your stomach, you whined at the soft touches.

 He got to the waistband of your jeans and used his teeth to pry open the button and pull down the zipper. Once you were completely naked, he hungrily looked you over. His gaze was hot and even though he had seen you naked before, it still made you a little embarrassed.

 “Can’t believe you’re all mine,” he growled.

 Hurriedly taking his own pants off, he closed the gap between the two of you once again. He rutted into you gently, hands caressing every inch of your body. Your head thrown back, Daryl drank in the sight of you.

 “What do ya want, babygirl?” He asked you.

 “Want you,” you moaned.

 “Me? What part of me?”

 “Want your cock!”

 Daryl smirked at those words and pressed himself closer to you. You cried out at his touch and he took pity on you, lining up his cock and pushing it into you. Letting out a high pitched moan, you scrambled to hold onto Daryl as he set a brutal pace. You knew that neither one of you was going to last long, it had been a couple months since you had last been with each other.

 Grabbing his face, you pulled him into a searing kiss. Tongues intertwining, chests heaving, you hit your peak once Daryl started rubbing your clit. You clenched harshly around him and he came inside you a few seconds later. Trying to catch your breath, you moaned when Daryl started mouthing at your neck, hands running up your side. He started moving his hips again and your breath hitched.

 “Got another one in there for me?”

 ---

 The next day started early. Dean, Daryl, Rick, Glenn, Maggie, and T-Dog were going to clear out some of the prison. After they got armed and ready, you kissed your brother’s cheek.

 “Stay safe,” you said.

 “I will.” Dean gave Adeline a kiss and nodded to Sam before walking away with the others. You watched them start to take out the walkers and bit your lip in worry.

[angelic-holland]

Hang the Stars // TMO imagine

“Because what’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?” - James Patterson

“I’ll take care of you.”

“It’s rotten work.”

“Not to me. Not if it’s you.”

- Anne Carson, Euripides

Word Count: 5.5k

Warnings: angst, mentions of murder, mentions of mob activity, fluffy fluff

Summary: Three Months and 14 days. That’s how long Harrison has loved you. That’s how long he’s known he can never have you like he wants you. Three months and 14 days is a dreadfully long time to love someone who will never love him back. 

A/N: Hi! This is a little short of the reader’s time with Ian and Harrison and the Irish mob. This can sort of work as a stand alone fic but works better after reading the first 13 chapters of Take Me Out! This is from Harrison’s perspective aka the reader is ‘her’. As always, feedback through reblogs and asks are always appreciated and encouraged if you’re part of my taglist! Let me know what you think about this little piece! 

The worst part of falling in love is the pain when you hit the ground. 

That isn’t how Harrison feels sitting in the meeting room of Ian’s brownstone when the doorbell rang. He feels calm with the slightest bit of excitement because he’s finally allowed to sit in on meetings. 

Nobody rings the doorbell here. All of Ian’s men knocked, a special knock to let Ian know that it was them.

So Harrison sat in his seat right by the head of the table where Ian usually sits while Ian draws a gun, stalking toward the front door. 

He can’t see anything, neither can any of the other men in the room, but they can hear her. 

At first, Dewey jokes that it’s a girl that Ian knocked up, here to collect child support.

Russell shuts him up with a glare, “probably just a girl scout or something.”

“It’s nine at night,” Harrison says, straining to hear what Ian was saying to whoever was standing at the door. 

There’s a shrill cry that makes all of the men at the table widen their eyes.

“Don’t touch me!” 

Then Ian’s voice is soothing and attempting to comfort the girl, whoever she may be. 

There’s a rumbling and Harrison swears it’s thunder but he can’t help the next words that slip out of his mouth, “everything okay?” 

A sob ripples through the near silent house. 

Harrison stands up, about to leave the room when Russell stops him.

“This isn’t your business.”

“It might be-,”

“Just wait, patience, boy,” Dewey sneers.

Harrison sits back down, mumbling under his breath about leaving him the fuck alone.

The men sit in silence as they hear Ian walking around the house, making a few phone calls.

“Check in on the place, that’s right, rented to Adeline Park, I want an update by tomorrow morning.”

Adeline Park. Maybe that’s the girl who showed up at the door. It has to be. 

Several minutes later, Ian steps back inside the room, trying to push the franticness out of his voice.

“Meeting dismissed, we’ll pick up tomorrow morning. Harrison, go out and get food, real food, fruits and vegetables, shit like that.”

Harrison isn’t going to question it at this point, “right away, boss.”

He stands up and buttons his suit jacket, following the rest of the men out of the house before Ian grabs his arm.

“Don’t let them get you caught up in their rumor mill, I’m taking care of an old friend,” Ian says, voice low so the last of the men exiting the house don’t hear him.

“Course, boss, I’ll be right back.” 

Harrison is nosy, it’s not something he’s exactly proud of, but with his job, it comes with the territory. 

That’s why he searches for an Adeline Park on Facebook. A dozen or so results show up. He didn’t catch a glimpse of her face, so he scrolls through each result, each profile, wondering if this was the girl who showed up on his bosses doorstep, completely throwing him for a loop.

He buys a lot of food, probably too much, but he had no idea what Ian wanted other than fruits and vegetables, he swears he almost buys out the entire store. After unloading all of the food into the cabinets and fridge, he makes his way upstairs. 

He hears Ian and her talking, Adeline, her voice is weak but anxious as Ian tries to soothe her. He almost doesn’t want to interrupt, to break into their precious moment. But Harrison is nosy, so he does anyway. 

“It is though, you take bad people and you get rid of them. You kill people who deserve to be killed.”

Harrison’s eyes widen at Ian’s words. So she isn’t just an old flame. Or perhaps she is, Ian’s circle consists mainly of mobsters and murderers. So it’s possible she is a killer and an old flame. What better person for a murderer than another murderer? 

Harrison took off his suit jacket, leaning against the door as he watches her, her hair in a messy ponytail, eyes puffy, bruises encircling her throat. He wonders who could hurt someone as beautiful as her.

“Boss.”

“Harrison, she’s going to be staying in the guest room with you for a little bit. Is that okay?”

“Course, boss, groceries are downstairs, all set away.”

“Great, sweetheart, I’ve got to make a few phone calls but if you need anything, Harrison can help you, okay?”

“He’s uh, he’s good?” 

Her voice is terrified, it’s a trembling whisper and she doesn’t want Harrison to hear but he does. 

“He’s the best,” Ian says before he stands up, giving Harrison a look before leaving him alone with the girl who clearly didn’t trust anyone.

What the fuck is Harrison supposed to do? To say? She reminds him of a scared cat, drawing in on herself as he steps forward into the room completely. 

“Hi, uh, name’s Harrison,” He says, wanting to smack himself, he drops his coat on his bed and walks toward her, sticking his hand out.

Right, because the way to look non threatening to her is to stick your hand out when the last man who did that was the one who gave her all of those bruises. 

She is hesitant as he holds his hand out, and right before he’s about to drop it, she meekly shakes his hand. 

“Y/N.”

So not Adeline.

She drops his hand almost as quickly as she shakes it.

“Well, y/n, you’re free to borrow my clothes anytime, definitely look better on you than me.”

Damn it Harrison.

The last thing this girl wants, or needs, is someone flirting with her. 

“Sorry, that was uh, stupid of me.”

She giggles and Harrison feels light headed. 

“It’s okay, uh, you been with Ian long?”

“No, a few months. We met while he was back in Ireland.” 

“So are you his uh, next in command?” She asks as Harrison begins to get ready for bed.

“Sort of, if I show I can do well under pressure. How much do you know about Ian?”

He’s curious about which part of Ian’s past she’s from. 

“Just that he’s the Irish mob leader here, and uh, you’re not Irish.”

Her tone is almost accusatory, like Harrison isn’t supposed to be here. But she digresses, somewhat caging herself off to his response as she sets the plate down and gently touches her neck, wincing as her fingers touch the bruises.

“You shouldn’t, you know, touch that, I can get you some ice if you want, I’ll just go change and then grab an ice pack,” Harrison says, not waiting for a response before gathering up his pajamas and leaving her alone. 

Ian is talking downstairs after Harrison changed and he becomes quiet as Harrison enters the kitchen.

“Just grabbing her an ice pack,” Harrison says, grabbing one from the freezer and wrapping it in a dish towel.

“She’s got some problems, Harrison, you won’t be able to fix her.”

“I wasn’t planning on trying to-,”

“It’s okay son, I’m sure you only want to help. But I think she’ll just need time.”

“Oh, sure, of course,” Harrison nods, “but Ian, do you think she’d, I mean, do you know who hurt her?”

Ian shakes his head, “that’s what I’m trying to find out, I haven't seen her in five years. She drove here from fucking Idaho. I guess she didn’t really have anyone else to go to.” 

Harrison nods, swallowing the lump in his throat as he makes his way back upstairs. He wonders who could have hurt her so badly she drove across the country to someone she hasn’t seen in over half a decade.

“Hey, I uh, I got you an ice pack,” he says, watching her roll over in the blue sheets, her eyes red, cheeks swollen from crying.

“Thanks,” she mumbles, holding her hand out for the ice.

When he hands it to her, he swears electricity crackles under his fingertips when they touch her hand. She withdraws almost immediately.

“Stop looking at me like that,” she says, turning back toward the wall, not letting Harrison look at her properly as she rests the ice pack against her neck.

“Like what?” Harrison asks, slightly confused as he sits down in his own bed, wanting to give her as much distance as she needs.

“Like I’m a lost puppy someone just kicked to the curb. Like you’re sorry for me, like you’re some guy who sees a girl that’s broken and wants to piece me back together. I’m Humpty fucking Dumpty, you’re not putting me back together again.”

Harrison figures the best thing to do is let her vent.

“I didn’t think you’re Humpty Dumpty.”

“Right, next you’re going to tell me you would never hurt me and that you’d never do anything to put me at risk.”

“I wouldn’t hurt you,” Harrison says, laying down.

“The last person who said that, did this,” she turns and takes away the ice pack, her throat definitely swollen past it’s normal size. 

“Listen, you don’t have to tell me about him, whoever did that, but I would never do that, never touch you like that-,”

“Just- don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep.”

The realization that Y/N doesn’t trust him, doesn’t trust anyone, because the man who did that most definitely wasn’t the first person who has hurt her like that, sits on Harrison’s chest like a stack of bricks.

Taking care of her, being her keeper or her babysitter or whatever wasn’t his goal or intention after the first night, but since then, that’s all Harrison has ever done. And he doesn’t mind. He doesn’t mind one bit. 

For the first time in his life, Y/N gave Harrison what he felt was a purpose, a reason for being more than his typical self.

And isn’t that the cruelest sort of love? The love you feel for someone so broken that industrial strength glue can’t piece them together, the love that no matter how hard and how fiercely you love, they’ll never be quite able to reciprocate it?

***

There are bad nights, nights where she wakes up screaming for someone, crying out for the person who hurt her. He buries the name in his subconscious, never gaining the courage to ask her about this Tom character who invaded her peaceful sleep.

During the first two weeks she hardly got any sleep, and that keeps Harrison up as well. There are moments when she’ll stare at him and he’d stare right back, her eyes the only thing visible in the dark room. A beacon of hope for someone lost at sea. 

And then she climbs into his bed. They’re both restless on this September night, now morning if Harrison is being technical. 2am. 

“I uh, I was hoping I might sleep better if I, well, if I sleep next to you,” her voice is soft and her eyes wide as Harrison nods, patting the spot next to him. The bed is small, no doubt that they’d have to lay practically on top of each other to not fall off. So with a gentle nod from Harrison, she curls up next to him, her head on his chest and her legs practically on top of his. 

That night Harrison has slept better than he has in years.  In fact, Y/N and Harrison looked so peaceful that when Ian went to check on them the next morning, he didn’t wake them up. Finally both of them got a full nights sleep without screaming, without fear of what tomorrow may bring. Finally it seems both of them are at peace.

***

When she kisses Harrison for the first time, about a month after she arrived, he swore he was dreaming. They’ve kissed plenty of times in Harrison’s dreams, but each time he feels like he’s betraying the real Y/N.

They’re lying in bed, Harrison has an arm around her shoulder, only after she gave him explicit permission to do so. She’s cradling his face like it’s a glass vase, her eyes searching for the blooming flowers beneath his fragile exterior. Maybe poppies or brunneras. Nothing can quite match his shade of blue. 

“Can I?” She asks, her eyes focused on the short sharp breaths forming on Harrison’s lips.

He nods, waiting for the dream to end, to wake up and be reminded this isn’t real. 

Her lips brush against his and she waits for him to reciprocate before moving further. She’s warm against him, almost burning up or maybe that’s his heart? Harrison can’t tell, in fact he feels light headed and his stomach twists into a knot as he kisses her back. Her lips are so soft, and she tastes like his mint toothpaste, the one she uses now, since they’ve gotten in the habit of brushing their teeth together. 

He pulls away, only because he’s sure he’s stopped breathing, “pinch me.”

It makes her laugh, it’s melodic and Harrison closes his eyes, resting his forehead against hers, soaking up each note.

“You’re not dreaming,” she murmurs, her lips finding his again. 

“Pinch me anyway,” he mumbles against her lips, he can’t find it in him to pull away. 

She gently pinches his cheek and he waits to wake up. But he doesn’t. Tonight they don’t sleep much, random thoughts and words are shared between soft kisses, never moving further than a gentle hand on cheek, soft skin against skin. 

Neither of them mind as she traces his cheekbone, the moonlight cutting across his skin and illuminating every imperfection. 

“Thank you, for everything.”

She doesn’t need to say it. She doesn’t need to thank him. 

“Don’t thank me,” he says as she snuggles into his chest, her hair tickling his chin.

“I don’t know why you do it, why you take care of me. I’m sure you’d much rather be out with Ian and the rest of them-,”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” Harrison cuts her off and he watches as she turns in his arms, her eyes wandering to the window, staring up at the moon, the stars. He wonders if she feels the same way. 

“Don’t say that just because-,” 

“I’ve never lied to you,” Harrison murmurs, his arm rests against her shoulder and for a half a second he thinks she flinches, but she relaxes almost immediately.

“It’s rotten work,” she huffs, laughing low in her throat.

“What is?”

“Sometimes I feel like I’m poison, draining the life out of everyone around me. I don’t want you to be as lifeless as me. It’s rotten work being around a person like me.”

“Well, unless you’re planning on killing me…” he’s joking, for the most part. 

“No! I wouldn’t, I couldn’t,” she mumbles, the sky is forgotten as she turns back around, resting her hand on his chest, right over his heart.

“You know, it’s not rotten work, caring for you. I don’t think I could ever get tired of spending time with you.”

“Liar.”

“I’m anything but. I just wish you’d believe me.”

“I don’t deserve it.”

He wants to ask, he wants to ask why she doesn’t think she’s worth every single second he spends with her. He wants to cradle her face in his hands as gently as she cradled his. He wants to whisper, he wants to shout that she’s worth it, she’s so god damn worth it that he can’t see himself doing anything else but share the same twin size bed with her for the rest of his life. 

But by now, he can tell when she’s feeling drained, emotionally, mentally, physically.

She needs to sleep, and she isn’t going to listen to anything else that he plans on saying. So he tucks those words back into his mind and lets her sleep.  

***

Their life isn’t perfect, it’s far from it. Especially on days Y/N is so depressed she can’t get out of bed. There are days when she’s downright mean and it forces Harrison to take a step back and realize that she’s been through some stuff, she’s seen some shit, and she has every right to get upset and angry at the world. Besides, the world is a cruel place, and it sometimes feels that she is their sole target. 

He does things to try to brighten her up, whether it be getting her favorite cannoli from Mike’s Pastry or a smoothie from a local farmer’s market. Today he brought her both, because before he left, she was yelling about how useless it was to be here and how she wishes she was back in Idaho. 

“Y/N?” Harrison calls out, climbing the stairs two at a time with the food and a gift. 

He hears the shower going and calls out to her, resting his head on the bathroom door. 

She doesn’t answer and immediately his mind flies to worse case scenarios. 

To her taking her anger and depression and turning it inward on herself, so much so that she can’t come back from it.

“Y/N!” Harrison shouts, voice unsteady as he opens the door. He doesn’t want to invade her privacy, but he will just to make sure that the worst case scenario he built up isn’t coming true.

Normally there’s a shadow of the person showering on the shower curtain. But as Harrison sets everything aside he finds Y/N’s shadow curled up in the corner, the water almost drowning out her cries.

“Y/N, darling, are you okay?” Harrison asks, kneeling down at the edge of the tub, hesitant to push back the curtain.

“I can’t breath,” she gasps and no matter how much of a gentleman Harrison is, he can’t sit outside the tub and not check on her now.

“Y/N, I’m going to open the curtain, I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m a monster,” she shouts as Harrison pulls back the curtain, revealing her crying form.

“What?” Harrison asks, watching her continue to shake.

“I- I’m here, I ran from my problem and he, he’s dead because of me, I’m a monster,” she sobs, the water starting to prune her skin.

Harrison has absolutely no idea what Y/N is talking about, but he knows one thing for sure, that something happened to her or because of her that has changed her forever.

“Come on Y/N, we can talk about this if you want, but you need to get out of the shower, need to get dried off,” Harrison reaches over to grab her arm but she pulls away violently, quivering at the thought of his touch.

He stands up, turning the water off, it’s scalding and he wonders how she hasn’t practically burnt her skin off yet.

He waits a moment for her to come out, grabbing a towel from the closet and standing at the edge of the tub.

“Y/N…”

“Just leave me alone! You should hate me! I don’t-,” she starts as Harrison leans down, trying to pick her up.

“Go away!” She screams, batting at his hands as he tries to, at this point drag her out of the bath if he has to.

“No, Y/N, you have to understand, please, please understand I’m not going anywhere,” Harrison pleads as he struggles with what to do now.

Fuck it, if she won’t get out of the tub, he’ll join her. So that’s what Harrison does, clothes and all, sitting behind her and drawing her body against his as she sobs. She doesn’t resist him however, and that’s the most important part of this exchange. He just wants her to feel safe, like he’s the one person she can feel safe with.

“It’s okay,” he brushes back her wet hair as she cries until her breathing levels out and there aren’t anymore tears left to cry.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“This kid, Harry, he uh, he was in a coma. And Jake, Jake killed him. This innocent kid who never did anything wrong in his life. Jake killed him to get back at me, to get back at Tom.”

“Why is that your fault then, darling?” Harrison asks as he begins wringing out her hair, not a care in the world that his clothes are now completely soaked as well.

“Because, if I didn’t get involved with T-T-Tom, then Jake would have no reason to try to put him in his place like that! If I didn’t put my stupid fucking heart out like that, this wouldn’t have happened!”

Harrison doesn’t have the courage to ask if she meant the two of them.

“Is that why you came looking for Ian?”

“Tom he- he blamed me for Harry’s death. And he- I never thought he was capable of hurting me until that moment. And I couldn’t- I couldn’t stay while he was so angry like that. He would’ve killed me. But maybe I deserve that.”

“No, hey, look at me,” Harrison pleads, his heart literally aching in his chest as she stares back at him with trembling lips and tear tracks down her cheeks.

“What? How can you know who I am and not think I deserve to die?”

“Did you kill this kid with your own two hands?”

She shakes her head no, so Harrison continues.

“So you kill bad people. You didn’t kill this kid, so you need to get into that mindset. You need to see yourself how I see you.”

“I feel like I’m a rain cloud or a fucking black hole, just sucking the life out of everything.”

“You’re anything but,” Harrison tries to reassure her.

“Don’t lie to me just to make me feel better.”

“Okay, you might be a rain cloud. But more than that, you’re an entire day’s worth of weather. And what happens after a rain?”

She sniffles but doesn’t respond, so Harrison pulls out the small velvet black box he wasn’t expecting to give her until later tonight. His jeans are soaking wet and it makes it harder to grab, but when he does, his hand is shaking harder than Y/N is. 

“You know, when I was a kid and I was having a bad day, my mum used to sing this song for me,” Harrison opens the box and holds the necklace up to show her.

“What is this?” She asks, her fingers curling around the sun pendant. 

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you, please don’t take my sunshine away.”

***

It’s been almost four months since Y/N showed up on Ian’s doorstep. Harrison wants to celebrate the small strides she’s making by cooking her breakfast. Tomorrow they’re supposed to go stake out a hit that Harrison will be running, and Ian is letting Y/N go with him. 

“What’re you making?” Y/N asks, sleepily rubbing her eyes as she sits at the kitchen counter.

“Pancakes,” Harrison smiles, flipping one over before turning back to Y/N. 

She has tears in her eyes that she quickly tries to hide. She’s not fast enough. Harrison often catches her before she can hide her emotions from him. She isn’t sure if she appreciates this ability of his, but he’s always able to calm her down when she gets worked up. 

“Okay, if you don’t like pancakes, darling, we don’t have to have them,” Harrison quickly turns off the stove and walks around the counter, holding his arms out for her. 

He always waits for her to make the first move. To pull him into a hug, to sleep by his side, to kiss him. He would never want her to feel pressured into anything, make her feel like she’s required to reciprocate what he wants to give to her. 

She buries herself inside his arms, her body shaking with sobs. 

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,” Harrison sings lightly, feeling her slowly bring herself back to reality and out of whatever dark space pancakes seemed to send her to. “Sing with me, darling,” he murmurs as he rubs her back, “you make me happy when skies are grey.”

Her voice is thick with tears but she continues along with him, “you’ll never know dear, how much I love you, please don’t take my sunshine away.”

“So no pancakes?” Harrison asks hesitantly as she sits back down.

“I, uh, I prefer waffles,” she sniffles, wiping the tears from her eyes. 

“Waffles it is.”

After work, Harrison buys a waffle maker and all the ingredients he needs to cook up the best waffle recipe he can find. The look in Y/N’s eyes when he sets up the waffle maker is enough to make Harrison melt into a puddle on the floor like a schoolboy whose crush notices him. 

“Please tell me you like your waffles sweet,” Harrison pulls out a can of whipped cream from the fridge, raising an eyebrow at Y/N. 

She nods eagerly, “what’s a waffle without maple syrup and whipped cream?”

Harrison chuckles as she takes the plate and can from him, loading the waffle with whipped cream. 

“God, I love you.”

Maybe he didn’t mean for those words to slip out, but they did. They’ve been stuck in his throat for three months now, ever since the first night she crawled into his bed and asked him to hold her. 

The whipped cream can cuts off, filling the kitchen with a silence that absolutely shatters Harrison’s heart.

She doesn’t need to say anything. Her face, shocked with slight confusion, mouth wide open and eyebrows pinched together, tells him everything he needs to know. 

“Why?” She can’t even look at him as she begins to cut into her food.

“What do you mean why? Why do I love you?”

She nods as she begins to eat, still not meeting his eyes.

“You showed up when I was beginning to doubt joining Ian, don’t tell him that though. And you were closed off. Mean and cranky, and I mean, you still are-,”

“Hey!” She scowls, flicking a bit of whipped cream at him.

“The face you make when you’re mad is really cute. But even when you put on the grumpiest face, I know that you care a lot, about Ian, about the people in your life.”

“About you.”

“Hmm?” Harrison has to pinch himself, wondering if he is truly hearing what he thinks he’s hearing.

“I care about you,” she says, shoveling more of the waffle into her mouth before she stands up, the chair scraping against the floor.

“You care about me?” Harrison asks, watching her nervously pick at the fingernail of her thumb, nodding as she wraps her arms around his neck.

“I know you want me to say that I- that I-, fuck I’m sorry, but I can’t. And you know if I said it right now, it would only be because of what you said, because of how you feel. And you deserve someone who can say that back because it’s true, because she has no reservations and shitty feelings and emotional shortcomings.” 

“But I’ll stay, through your shitty feelings and your emotional shortcomings.”

“Don’t know why,” she mumbles. 

“You’re worth it, Y/N, don’t you see how incredibly fucking worth it you are?”

“I’m worth it?” She asks, as if she is discovering this for the first time as well.

“You’re so fucking worth it, there aren’t enough words in the dictionary or our time on this earth to tell you how worth it you are.”

***

“Darling, what’s wrong?” Harrison asks as he brushes hair out of her eyes, kissing her forehead before sitting up to get a good look at her, watching the way her hands start to shake.

“Kiss me like you hate me.”

He’s confused, because he figured this might be the night she decides to go further with him, to share a part of herself he wasn’t sure he’s ever seen. But why would she ask him to kiss her like that? 

Aggressively? 

“What do you-,”

“I don’t want you to make love to me, I- I can’t make love to you.”

“Darling I’m not going to kiss you like I hate you, I don’t hate you, I couldn’t hate you.” 

“You should hate me,” she sobs, curling in on herself as Harrison lays down next to her, pulling her into his chest.

“No, darling, it’s okay, shhh, I couldn’t hate you, darling, you could be the wicked witch of the west and I’d still look at you like you hung the stars in the sky. Maybe that’s why you’re cranky, you’ve spent so long bringing light to everyone else, you never saved any for yourself. What’s wrong?”

“Nobody’s ever, well except- and I can’t, I just can’t,” she continues to cry, her tears soaking his shirt as he runs a hand through her hair.

“It’s okay, we don’t have to do anything, I would be perfectly content with you in my arms, just laying here,” Harrison assures her, keeping her as calm as he could even when he felt like his world simply didn’t make sense. 

“I’ve killed people, you know.”

“I know,” Harrison says, calm and even.

“Lots of people.”

“Bad people.”

She shifts around in his arms, facing him. Her breath is shaky as he wipes the tears from her face and kisses her forehead.

“You gave people light by taking bad people out of their lives.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that I’m a bad person,” she sniffles as Harrison brings his lips along her face, kissing every single inch of skin. 

“There’s such a blurred line between good and bad, right and wrong. How many people have you saved by killing murderers? By killing rapists?”

She shrugs and it shocks Harrison how she can’t see what he sees. 

“Too many to count. And tomorrow you’re getting back in the game, staking out the new hit with me. It’ll be fun but if you’re uncomfortable, we stop, got it?”

“Got it,” she nods, letting his warmth calm her down and lull her to sleep.

***

“Y/N, when was the uh, last time you had your period?” Harrison asked, wondering how long it typically took for someone to start showing. 

“What? Uh two months and uhh 20 days ago,” her eyes widened and she stopped about five feet short of the brownstone, turning to Harrison, “I’m not, it’s uh, it’s the stress.”

***

It’s been a week and a half since Y/N left Harrison on the curbside dreaming of children and a life together. It’s been a week and a half and all Harrison has been able to do is dream of her, growing old with her, a kid, as many kids as she wants. He dreams of a life where he can play catch or push them on the swing set. It’s a stupid dream, especially now that she’s gone. She promised to check in, but it’s been absolute and complete radio silence since she left.

Most days Ian doesn’t ask much of him, understanding how torn up Harrison is after she left. Today was one of those days where Harrison sits in bed drinking straight from a bottle of expensive rum and stares at his phone, at her contact photo. It’s the only photo of her that he has. He took it one day while they were drinking hot chocolate at this small bakery in the North End. She has a whipped cream mustache and is flushing as Harrison holds his phone up, snapping a cheeky picture. She protested at first but he insisted that it could be used for his lockscreen. She immediately stole a picture of him as well, head tilted back in a laugh. He wonders if it’s still her lockscreen.

As if by some twist of fate, maybe his luck is finally turning around, his phone rings. And it’s Y/N.

He’s so excited he spills the remaining bottle of rum as he tries to set it down on the counter. But that could wait. Y/N couldn’t.

“Y/N? Is that you?” Harrison says, choking back tears as her ragged voice greets him on the other end.

“Haz?” There’s a short pause and several sharp breaths before she continues.

“I need you, Harrison. I made a huge mistake.”

***

Taglist (removed anyone who hasn’t interacted w the fic sorry I don’t want to type out a bunch of urls and have nobody interact; if you want to be added back message me!):  @gioandreolli   @honeymoonparker @itsjusttor @averyfosterthoughts @worldoftom @angelhaz11 @rebekkah4766