#I have a plush seagull and I never knew why it had a little red spot under its beak. but looking at seagull pictures for refs. I see it now

[meowjings-arsb]

Birdz

Finally got around to going over some of the bird sketches I did a bit ago. They’re mostly ravens plus a chicken and seagull

[bobfloydsbabe]

burst into flames for you | jake "hangman" seresin x oc

Rating: T+

Prompt: N/A

Requested: N/A

Summary: After the mission, Jas confesses why she's been ignoring Jake. Part of the Turning Tables anthology series.

Warnings: Angst, brief mention of amputation (non-graphic), incorrect medical info, incorrect Navy info, kissing.

Word count: ~2.2k

A/N: This is probably one of the Jas and Jake fics I'm most proud of. There is so much Jas backstory. Thank you, as always, to @joaquinwhorres for letting me namedrop your OCs, Caro and Dalia, and for helping me figure out why the original ending was off. Title is from I'm With You by Vance Joy. Enjoy, friends!

Likes are nice, but comments and reblogs are golden.

Meet me at the Hard Deck. Please.

Jake knew it was serious because Jas never said please. Even when she was under him and on the edge of coming undone, she wouldn’t say please. She wouldn’t beg for it. That one word sent Jake out the door of his barrack room and off to the bar.

It was mid-morning on a Saturday, and Penny had opened early. He pushed the front door with the chipped paint open and walked inside, scanning the room. He didn’t spot Jas anywhere, only Penny and a few patrons nursing coffee rather than beer.

He stalked towards the bar, locking eyes with Penny, confusion on his face. Jas had texted him to meet her there, but now she was gone?

“She’s down by the water,” Penny told him when he was close enough to hear her. He mumbled a quick thank you and headed for the door leading out to the deck. 

There, in the distance, Jas sat on the sand facing the ocean. It was cloudier than usual, but the sun still bounced off her hair, making it look shinier. He rested his hands on the deck railing for a minute, gathering up the courage to make the short trek to her.

Jake squared his shoulders, walked down the steps, and trudged through the sand. He stopped a few feet behind her and took a deep breath. 

Please.

The word still lingered in his mind. Jas rarely texted him. In fact, she had spent weeks refusing to give him her number, but finally relented a few days before the mission. She’d made him promise to let her know he was alive.

“I’d say quit staring at my ass, but you can’t see it, so just quit staring.”

“You have a great ass,” he said, closing the last bit of distance between them. When he sat, he could see the grin Jas was biting back.

“So you’ve told me,” she agreed.

“I’d never lie to you, Doc.”

At that, her jaw clenched. She didn’t like it when he called her Doc. At least, that’s what she’d told him frequently, though it was usually right before they slept together.

“I know.”

For a while, they just sat there staring at the sea. They listened to the waves meeting the shore and seagulls screeching above them. Jake looked at Jas. Her auburn hair looked red in this light, and her blue eyes matched that of the endless sea while he was on the carrier. She had freckles on her nose that’d become more noticeable since he’d met her. Her lips were pink and plush. Kissable.

“I’m glad you’re alive,” she said, filling the silence. 

He’d texted her as soon as they got back on dry land, hoping for a response, but none came. He’d gone to the Hard Deck that night to celebrate their success with the dagger squad, but Jas didn’t show. When he asked Caro if she knew where Jas was, she’d informed him she wasn’t coming. 

Jas had gone radio silent, and Caro, Bob, and Fanboy kept their mouths shut on the matter. He’d even tried to intimidate Bob into telling him why she wasn’t there, but the bespectacled aviator had stood his ground, and Jake respected that even if he hated him a little for it. 

“Could’ve fooled me,” he said, mostly joking.

Jas turned her head to him. “Do you know why I’m stationed here?”

He shook his head, brows furrowed. Jas looked back at the ocean.

Jake watched her shift uncomfortably in the sand, folding and unfolding her hands where they rested on her shins. He had never seen Jas like this before.

“It was a demotion.” Before Jake could ask what she meant, she continued. “I used to serve on the USS Nimitz. After an attack on our aviators, one of them came back with a severely injured leg. My commanding officer decided we should amputate. I insisted I could save it, but he told me it was futile and gave me a direct order to amputate.”

“But you didn’t?”

Jas shook her head, a watery chuckle escaping her throat. It made Jake move closer, and when she didn’t flinch away, he bumped his shoulder with hers, silently encouraging her to go on.

“I told the nurses, the anesthesiologist, and everyone else that we had to go ahead to save his leg.”

Jake wanted to wrap his arms around Jas and comfort her as the tears ran down her cheeks. There was something deeply vulnerable about this moment. It was like being thrown into the deep end of Jas’ conscience and left to his own devices.

Sink or swim, Seresin.

Jas took a deep breath and continued her story. “It took three hours, but I saved his leg with no nerve damage, sudden bleeds, or anything like that. He didn’t lose his leg, and he didn’t have to be discharged on medical grounds. He needed a lot of physical therapy, but he’d be able to fly again.”

“There are consequences of disobeying a direct order,” Jake said. He didn’t know what else to say. 

Jas gave off a humorless laugh and wiped at the tears still running down her face in steady streams. “My file has a long list of citations for insubordination, but this was the final nail in the coffin. I should be grateful they didn’t kick me out.”

“You don’t like being told what to do,” Jake observed.

At that, Jas chuckled again and finally turned her red-rimmed blue eyes to him. “No,” she agreed. “The Surgeon General, Admiral Warren, personally reviewed my file and sent me here as punishment. I’m working the most boring, deadbeat office in the entire Navy by prescribing more Advil and cough medicine to grown men than I can count. I don’t know how long I’ll be here.”

Jake hummed while Jas leaned her chin on her knees, studying the waves again. The clouds were slowly disappearing, making space for a bright day in California, a sharp contrast to Jas’ gloomy mood.

“Why are you telling me all this?”

Jas let a deep breath go. The silence between them stretched for longer than he was comfortable with, but he knew that pushing the woman next to him wouldn’t do either of them any good. So he stayed silent.

“I lost something I cared about when I was demoted,” she told him and spun in the sand so she was facing him. Jake mirrored her action, folding his legs down in front of him.

“When all of you left for that mission, I held Caro all night as she cried. She was terrified of losing Mickey, of giving her daughter a taste of him only to have him possibly ripped away.”

Jake nodded. He remembered Fanboy pacing up and down the corridor outside their bunks after Maverick chose him and Payback to fly. In a poor attempt at reconciliation, Jake had tried to assure him he would be fine, only to get his feelings for Jas thrown back in his face. He’d never seen Fanboy that upset, not even when he had punched Jake for talking shit.

Jas looked down at the sand where her toes had slipped under his crossed legs. He could feel her wiggle them through the material of his jeans. “When you left for that mission,” she whispered and looked to meet his gaze. “I thought I was going to lose something I cared about.”

Jake’s breath hitched at the admission. He knew where he stood and had known it for a while, but was afraid to push Jas into something she wasn’t ready for. Something she may not even want.

But right now, sitting in front of him, she admitted that she cared about him. He fought every impulse in his body to surge forward and kiss her senseless. He looked at Jas, really looked at her, and saw the fragility that had crept into her demeanor. He kept quiet, but offered a small smile of encouragement.

“I didn’t know I cared. I didn’t know why I couldn’t breathe when you were gone, why I clung to my phone, waiting for a sign that you were alive and coming back. I didn’t know why I cried almost uncontrollably after Caro fell asleep, why I took Dalia for ice cream seven times, or why Martha was on my back about keeping up with charts.”

Jas took a shaky breath and let the tears flow freely down her cheeks. “Then you texted you were alive and coming back, and it hit me. I’d been so distracted because I cared about losing you. This,” she said and gestured between them, “is more than just sex.”

Jake hesitated. He was happy that Jas felt the same way, but there was a nagging question he couldn’t let go. “You didn’t show at our welcome home thing.”

Jas hung her head again, wiping tears off her cheeks. “If it helps, Caro yelled at me for that. Said you seemed disappointed, and that she sent Dalia to cheer you up.”

At that, Jake smiled. “She’s a good kid.”

He expected Jas to look back up at him, but she didn’t. She wiped more tears off her face, and Jake’s chest tightened at the sight. The sinking disappointment he’d felt when Caro told him she wasn’t coming and the fiery frustration he felt being given the silent treatment evaporated as he watched her cry for him.

He reached out a hand, placing it under her chin, and applied light pressure to get her to look up. Her blue eyes met his, and he lost his breath again. Jas was the first girl in a long time who had challenged him, who had made the chase almost cruel and the possibility of her being his the sweetest reward.

He dropped his hand, not wanting to force his touch on Jas, who was in such a fragile state he was afraid to break her.

“So why ignore me?”

She kept her eyes trained on him this time, as if forcing herself to face the hurt she’d caused. “Because this,” she said, gesturing between them again, “scares the shit out of me.”

Jake softened, the tension leaving his shoulders for the first time. He reached his hand out again, pausing mid-air to see if Jas would flinch, but when she didn’t, he cupped her cheeks. He ran a thumb across the skin, catching a stray tear as it fell.

“It’s not just sex to me either,” he admitted, and it didn’t make his lungs constrict. “I’m scared, too.”

He was. He was scared shitless to want Jas as desperately as he did. Jake had always been a one and done guy. Since high school, his mom had given him disapproving looks when he showed a girl to the door in the morning, never to be seen in the house again. Jake had dated casually most of his life, but everything about Jas made his stomach flip, and when she didn’t talk to him, he felt hollow.

“I don’t know how to be in a relationship,” Jas whispered, reaching up and grabbing Jake’s wrist. She pulled the hand off her cheek and kissed his palm, making Jake’s pulse race. “But I want to try. With you.”

When her gaze returned to his, he grinned like a child on Christmas morning. “We’ll figure it out together,” he whispered back and hoped it sounded like a promise.

He leaned forward and finally captured Jas’ lips in a kiss, pouring everything he still had left to say into it. They still had so much to talk about, so much to figure out, but he meant it when it said they’d do it together.

Jake tried to pull away, but Jas chased his lips and he smiled into it. One of his hands slid around her neck and into her hair, and he scraped his blunt nails over her scalp, coaxing a moan from her lips.

He pulled away and couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped.

“You gonna take me home, Seresin?”

He welcomed the grin that spread across his face, and he rose to his feet, holding his hand out for Jas to take.

“Every damn day, Doc,” he replied as she landed on her feet in front of him. She snuck her arms around his neck and leaned in for another soft kiss, not caring that a group of kids were passing by them as their lips met.

They broke apart and made their way up the beach towards the parking lot. Jake’s arm was slung over Jas’ shoulder, and she leaned into him. It was like she was made for him.

A ping sounded, and Jas pulled her phone from the pocket of her hoodie, groaning at the text that had rolled in.

“What?” Jake asked, leading her towards his car.

“Caro asked if I wanted to have drinks tonight.”

Jake frowned. “And that’s bad?”

Jas opened the passenger side door, resting an arm on the roof and looked at Jake. “No, but she’s gonna be really smug about us being a thing now.”

“A thing, you say?”

Jas groaned. “You’re infuriating.”

“You’re one to talk.”

Jake chuckled and got into the car. Once they were on the road, he grabbed Jas’ hand and kissed her knuckles.

❋❋❋

taglist (let me know if you want to be added): @arrthurpendragon, @ocappreciationtag, @chrissymunson, @cas-verse, @chickensarentcheap, @asirensrage, @misskatiewrites, @stanshollaand, @eddiemunscns, @raith-way

top gun taglist (let me know if you want to be added): @joaquinwhorres, @fantasias-creativebubble, @lostinwonderland314, @luckyladycreator2, @blue-aconite, @dempy, @alana4610, @littlebadariell, @cherrycola27, @whisperofsong, @another-tblr-fangirl, @flashyourgreeneyesatme, @seymour-cant-read

[deepseavibez]

A Star In Your Sky || JJK

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-> Picture Source - Pinterest

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A Star In Your Sky [Jungkook]

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Genre - Dad!Jungkook; Angst; Sadness; Melancholy; Drabble:

Summary - Helpless as he was, 'what you didn't know couldn't hurt you'... it would have to do. There was nothing else he could do.

Warning - Angst; Sadness; Major Character Death;

Word Count - 1.7k

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Jungkook woke up with a start at the blaring alarm. 5am - his phone flashed in red numbers. Snoozing it, he left it back on the table.

The fog on the windows signifying a cold morning, the dreary grey clouds overcast, the edge of dawn.

Wiping the sleep out of his eyes he righted his shirt, pulling his sleeves over his cold hands, ruffling his hair as he stretched his limbs and swung them over the couch.

The cold hit his bare feet as he stood up and started his way down the hall, switching the lights on as he walked, to navigate his way to the room right next to his.

Door slightly ajar, he pushed on it, the slight creak a normal sound, a part of the surroundings, the many years behind the action of tuning it out.

His eyes fell past the threshold, items he knew by heart, colors he had committed to memory, the scent and the surroundings - his home.

The curtains in this room were purple, deep purple, the hue something akin to indigo, silver moons and stars shone at the catch of even the tiniest bit of light.

There were posters of cartoons, drawings in crayons and paints, a basket of toys in the corner of the room, and Cooky, the pink plush toy staring back on the made bed.

Eyes scanning the toy he remembered the day it came home.

----------

'Dad, look what Uncle Jinnie got me,' Moon ran up to him, as she giggled in excitement, eyes lighting up at the plush toy in her hand.

Turning toward the sound of his daughter, he bent down on one knee so she could hop into his waiting arms. He held her easily, her form tiny and stable in his muscled hands.

Her momentary glance to the tattoo on his skin, a second nature, something that made her smile, as her name had been carved into his forearm, stars surrounding it with a Saturn ring.

She was Daddy's little girl and she loved every moment of it.

Meeting her fathers eyes, she held up the pink bunny in her arms, a prize worth every drop of attention he could give.

Smiling bemused he asked her, 'What about all the other teddy's in your room, babygirl?'

He nosed at her cheek as he teased her.

Her eyes went as wide as saucers, 'Dad!' she exclaimed in a mock whisper, 'They aren't Teddy's, they all have names.'

'Yeah, Jk, how can you call them Teddy's,' Jin played along, just as scandalized at his dongsaengs choice of words.

Mouth twitching, the mole on his chin, shifting at the movement, he raised an eyebrow at his hyung, 'I'm surprised you didn't get her the RJ.'

'Now, now, I did explain the perks of having RJ, but she is Daddy's little girl.' They smiled, endeared with the toddler between them.

It was the last proper, happy outing they had, ice-cream, feeding the seagulls, playing in the sand, her best days with her father and her Uncle Jin.

----------

‘I don't care what happens to me, I don’t care about the money! Just please save my baby, please!’ Jungkook was enraged, angry at the world, helpless, desperate.

Stage 4. She was only a child, her tiny body fit in his arms, her form only half of him.

It came out of nowhere, severe bruising and bleeding when she fell down, or got cut. Trouble breathing when she ran, nausea when she ate and sometimes not wanting to eat at all. Waking up to her cries in the middle of the night, sniffling quietly, at the pains in her body.

Too many symptoms, too many blood tests later, too many restless, sleepless nights, she was diagnosed with leukemia.

There were weeks of waiting for results, test after test, of having to sit her in his lap, and explain why she needed to see countless doctors and that things would get better, that it was just for now.

But as he stood opposite her doctor, his hyung holding his shoulder, he had to go home and tell her he lied. He lied.

He'd have to tell her that there was no turning back, and if it was too late for his daughter, the love of his life, the very center of his world, for him, there would be no way forward.

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He stood at the doorway of her hospital room, having just gone home to change up and get her favorite mac and cheese. The sight he met every single time, not something he had gotten used to, despite the number of weeks he’d been at the forefront of it all.

The tubes along her face, her nose, in her arms, something a baby should never have to go through. A parent should never have to think about outliving their child. It wasn’t the cycle. It wasn’t fair.

She deserved, to hit double digits, to find love, to have him fight the need to protect her from every mistake, to always be there for her, she deserved friends, memories, the chance to discover hobbies, she deserved more time.

The saddest part was that she was too young to think of any of those things, and yet, maybe it could also be a blessing.

What you didn’t know couldn’t hurt you, right.

Blinking back tears he plastered a fake smile on his face, the brightest one he felt he could muster. ‘Hey, babygirl.’

She looked up, a small smile, slowly making its way up her cheeks, her face pale. Opening her mouth to speak, he shook his head at her. ‘No, no, shh, baby, don’t hurt your throat.’

Making his way over to her bed, he gingerly climbed in next to her, the nurses used to his presence, the doctors having no objection considering the care he had with her as he slotted himself protectively over her.

Pecking her on the head, he took note of the scrapbook in her hand. She looked at it everyday, pictures of her six loving uncles, Taehyung plaiting her hair, Jimin showing her tiny jewelry pieces, stick-ons for her ears, Namjoon with a bunch of block letters, a tower of it clearly having collapsed around them. Her Uncle Hobi always made her smile, as he had her on his back and his neck, walked her around the apartments like he was her personal chauffeur, Yooni holding her as she slept, light music playing in the background, and her Uncle Jin, her favourite Uncle Jin, always around, choosing school bags, spoiling her with anything she wanted, anything that caught her eye, especially morning blueberry waffles and her dad, Jungkook, her dad, the youngest, the one with the most time, the most allowance to make reckless decisions, the one who adapted his whole life around her inclusion in his life.

‘Hey, remember the story of your first birthday,’ His voice exuberant at her cake covered face,’when you didn’t want to wear the red jacket Uncle Tae gave you, and you cried for his instead,’ he petted her head as he searched her face for recognition.

She pouted at the mention of it, the story recounted so many times before,’Uncle Tae’s jacket was purple, Dad. How could I not want it,’ Her cheekiness earned her a light flick to her nose.

She upturned it crossly, a little zest in her eyes at the familiar chastising.

They paused, looking at each other, before the smile slowly disappeared from her face, the reaction apparently contagious as Jungkook sat up in concern. ‘Dad,’ she started softly, her eyes trained on the blanket covering her legs, ’are you gonna forget me?’

Jungkook’s breath caught in his throat at the innocent question, striving to show no reaction on his face. Moving swiftly, he worked his way around the cables and maneuvered her into his lap. They tried, he tried, and she had been so strong but even at her tender age she knew it, he knew it, the time for sugar coated words, and false hopes were over, acceptance was all that was left.

‘Close your eyes,’ he prompted, wiping tears he could no longer hold back, away from his eyes.‘Can you see me?’

‘My eyes-,’

‘No, keep them closed, can you see me,’ he reiterated, beside himself.

‘No, I can’t see you.’

‘But you can hear me right,’ taking note of her face, her nose, her cute cheeks, he waited for her answer.

‘Yes, I can hear you.’

‘Well,’ he sniffled, head falling against her forehead lightly, the contact needed, ’that’s what it will be like. I will always be here for you. I will always talk to you, and I promise,’ his hand found hers and squeezed it, ’I will never forget you. You may not see me and I may not see you, but you will always be the biggest part of me. And I promise, I will never, ever, forget you.’

He broke at his last words, pulling her into his embrace, holding his Moon, wishing with everything he had left, he would never have to let her go.

Moon passed that night, in her sleep, in his arms, as painless as it could possibly be. Knowing what was going to happen, couldn’t have prepared Jungkook for the real thing. But he knew he had to let go of her lifeless body, he knew he had to call the one person who could handle him or whatever came next for him, and as soon as he saw his Jin hyung, the one that named his perfect girl, he fell into his arms and cried, as his heart shattered into pieces.

----------

Standing at doorways were his thing these days, he thought, everything he did was not enough, not too much, like sitting on the fence, falling in the middle.

It had been a year, but he couldn’t clean out this room, he still woke up at 5am despite his flexible job because he had to take care of her routine, maybe someday he would have to stop coming in here, but right now, the made bed, the unused room, the stillness of it all, would remind him that even for a time, he had something beautiful, something worth all that pain, a human that he would meet someday again.

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