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darveyfics · 7 years

Note

Hey! If you are still taking prompts, this is a quote of brazillian poetry that I love and I would love to read a ff with it, if its possible? I could say to myself of the love (I had): Let it not be immortal, since it is a flame But let it be infinite while it lasts. Its the Sonnet of Fidelitty, by Vinícius de Moraes.

A/N: For some reason this quote reminded me of Lana Del Rey’s “Flipside” thus this story was born. It’s a little different from some other’s I’ve written, but I hope you all enjoy.

“Flipside”

Are you gonna hurt me now?Or are you gonna hurt me later?Are you gonna go to town?Maybe you should play it safer

The first time he meets him is at the Specter Litt holiday party- his arm around Donna, donning an expensive suit and a too bright of a smile.

His jaw had set automatically, a wave of protectiveness- and what he still denies to this day to be jealousy- washing over him at the sight of them together.

She had introduced them tentatively, the air around them rather awkward and thick.

His name was Johnathan. He was tall with thick dark hair and light eyes, body slightly built and held himself with a humble charisma. He was a doctor- a pediatric surgeon to be exact. Through their conversation Harvey felt himself growing annoyed with the fact that he was actually a pretty great guy- kind, funny, respected Donna… He loved and saved kids, and even gave to charity on occasion. The man was a goddamn saint.

Harvey had a hard time trying to hate the guy when he was nothing but respectful to him, didn’t become possessive of Donna in his presence, trying to claim his territory. And she looked happy.

It had been four months since she had kissed him in her office. Four months since his world was turned upside down when she admitted that her “more” had included him. But he’d been so angry at her, for putting him in a position to cheat, putting his greatest fear and taboo in the limelight. They had fought so much at that time, exchanging words of anger and hurt, saying so much yet not much at all in their perpetual arguments.

It was inevitable that he broke up with Paula following those events, guilt too great rising within him not to tell her. Yet even with the end of their relationship, his situation with Donna only seemed to worsen. They barely spoke for a while, exchanging only curt words, managing to only speak about work- just the bare necessity. He knew deep down he loved her, was in love with her, but he was too damn scared to do anything about it, to risk losing her even more than he had already lost her.

Somewhere along the way, their clipped conversations grew to small talk and semi-friendly discussions. She had entered his office one night, finality set in her voice when she told him she was moving on, that they were better off as friends, saw that anything more between them would cause complications. He had only nodded dumbly in return, his words caught in his throat as the realization of her words set in, and he agreed.

Still, their friendship paled to what it used to be before, but they remained in each other’s lives. Name partner and COO, working side by side.

He had stopped himself from showing up at her apartment too many times, fear flooding his thoughts and heart, preventing him from telling her he wanted to try. They were finally on speaking terms again, and he took the coward’s way into dealing with it. Again.

Now she was with someone else.

“He seems like a good guy.” He told her as soon as Johnathan left their conversation to grab a couple of drinks.

“He is.” Donna had agreed with a smile.

“You look happy.”

“I am.”

And that was all he needed to know.

Six months later, she had waltzed into his office, royal blue dress hugging her skin, posture high in her four inch stilettos, and hands held behind her back. Her smile was tentative when she arrived at his desk, eyes shining and biting her lip as the nerves rose to the surface.

“Donna.” He greeted her, a smile on his lips.

“I have something to- share with you.” Came her reply, smile wide and slightly shy.

He raised his eyebrows in question.

Sighing, she pulled her left hand forward, placing it right under his gaze.

His eyes darted to her manicured hand, noticing the diamond on her ring finger.

“I wanted you to be the first to know.” She told him softly, eyes studying his features.

He swallowed against the familiar constriction in his throat, fighting the emotions that rose against his volition. He raised his head to meet her.

“Johnny finally got the balls to ask you, huh?”

She rolled her eyes, a smirk playing on her lips. “He hates when you call him that.”

“No he doesn’t.” He smiled back, a playful tilt to his voice.

“Fine, he tolerates it only because he likes you so much.” Her lips quirked further. She never thought her boyfriend- now fiancé- and Harvey would ever get along as much as they did, but she forewent questioning the unconventional situation of it all, just thanking her lucky stars they became friends, of sorts.

“Well, I like him too. Congratulations, Donna.” He told her softly, sincerity in his voice.

“Thank you, Harvey.” She smiled, her voice just as soft. With a final nod in his direction, she started to make her way out of his office.

“Donna?”

“Hmm?” She turned at his voice.

“Are you happy?”

Her red tinted lips quirked up, eyes shining as she spoke. “Yeah, I am.”

He nodded, smiling in return. “Good.”

“I have no idea what the hell I’m going to do.”

His head shot up from his desk, eyes landing on a flustered Donna standing at the entrance to his office, a piece of paper on either hand.

“Ever?” He replied.

Her eyes narrowed in his direction. “Okay, don’t play cute. I mean for the wedding, there’s at least a couple thousand things I have to get done, starting with the table arrangements, and I don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to pick between-” she raised one piece of paper to her eyes, “lilies in clear vases with a cream colored table cloth or-” she raised the other paper, “lilies in beige vases with an off-white table cloth.” She gave him an exasperated look.

“And you want me to…?”

“Help me decide!” Her voice was high, stating it like it was the obvious answer.

Harvey pursed his lips. “Donna, don’t you have a maid of honor to help you with this stuff? I thought Rachel loved helping you with the wedding plans.”

Sighing, she walked over to his desk, sitting down on the chair across from him. “She’s got enough on her plate preparing for the baby, I don’t want to burden her with this too.” She looked sullen for a moment, thinking about her friend who was currently four months pregnant and still miserable dealing with morning sickness.

Harvey studied her for a moment, shoulders slumped and the shadow of bags under her eyes from what he guessed to be days of sleepless nights.

Sighing, he relented. “Fine, hand them over.”

He quirked his lips when she immediately handed over the printed pages of floral and table arrangements, amused at her eagerness.

“So, I think I have a favorite, but I’m still skeptical about it. I won’t tell you which one it is though, so just hit me with your unbiased opinion.” She told him, her gaze darting from the papers in his hands to his face, anticipation bubbling through her.

“Well?” She raised her eyebrows impatiently when he failed to respond after just one minute.

Harvey sighed. “I- did you ask Johnathan about this?” He muttered, his eyes scanning from one paper to the other.

“He told me to pick whichever one I wanted, said they both looked the same to him. Then again, he would get married in a football field wearing a jersey and shorts if he had it his way…” Donna rolled her eyes.

Harvey chuckled, eyes still skimming over the pictures. “My kind of guy.”

“Do you want to marry him?” Donna quirked her eyebrow at him.

“I don’t think I’m his type,” Harvey smirked, hand reaching out to give her one of the papers. “This one.”

Donna leaned over, grabbing hold of the arrangement he held. “Why?” She interrogated.

Harvey shrugged. “Seems more like you.”

Glancing down at the paper, her lips quirked. “Well, I guess we have the same taste then.” She looked up at him.

“How about that.” He said softly.

He found himself entranced by her hazel eyes, the light protruding through the glass windows of his office making them gleam in a shade lighter than usual. Her smile mirrored his, wide at first and then softer, until it was a mere shadow. His heart quickened at the way she looked at him, expectantly and curiously.

Donna cleared her throat. “I uh- thank you, Harvey.” She smiled at him. “Now,” she sighed, standing up from the chair, “I only have about a couple hundred dozen more things to do.”

“Hey, you’ll figure it out, and if you need me- if you need my help, I mean, I’m here.” He smiled weakly at her.

“Yeah, I know, I’m just- stressed.” She chuckled nervously.

His brow furrowed in concern. He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen her so flustered and nervous about something. Donna usually didn’t get nervous, Donna just- did, whatever it took to get shit done.

“You’ll figure it out,” he repeated softly, words reassuring, “and before you know it, you’ll be- married.”

She swallowed back against the lump in her throat, unsure if it was due to her pre-wedding jitters or the way Harvey was trying to reassure her, make her feel better even after everything that had transpired between them almost a year ago. Or maybe it was the way he was looking at her now, almost- broken.

Shaking herself out of her thoughts, she smiled at him. “Thank you, Harvey.”

He nodded. “I mean, as long as you’re happy…?”

Donna nodded. “Yeah, yeah I am.” She smiled, feeling her eyes clouding over with tears.

“Good.” He told her softly.

“Knock knock.”

“Donna, I’m busy.” Came his measured reply, eyes cast downward as he typed furiously on his laptop.

“I won’t be long.” She told him, small smile on her face as she slowly made her way into his office, stopping to stand right in front of his desk.

His brown eyes glanced up from his work, landing on hers. “What is it?”

“So… Johnathan tells me you can’t make it to his bachelor party tonight?” She questioned, her voice filled with confusion and concern.

Harvey sighed, eyes glancing back to the screen of his laptop. “I’m busy.”

“Doing what?”

“Doing this.” He pointed toward his laptop.

She raised her eyebrows. “And ‘this’ is…?”

“Review for the Denison trial.” He muttered, hands resuming his typing, now more subdued.

“You can’t leave it for one night? Johnathan really wants you to go.”

He pursed his lips, hands seizing on the keyboard to glance up her again, his heart constricting when he saw her pleading and confused eyes.

“I- can’t, Donna.” He told her softly.

“Can’t or won’t?” She shot back at him.

“Donna-”

“I just need to know, if this is weird for you?”

“What is?”

“Me marrying another man?”

He opened his mouth before closing it again, rendering in his thoughts as he tried to conjure up words to her unexpected question. “No.” He said at last.

Donna chuckled. “That was convincing.”

“What do you want to me say?” He told her exasperatedly.

“I want you tell me why you won’t go tonight.”

“Because I have to prep for this trial, you know that.” He tried to keep his frustration at bay, not wanting to get into an argument with her a week before her wedding.

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” She stood her ground before him, staring him down with an icy look he hadn’t seen in months.

“Donna… this is… weird for me, okay?” He confessed quietly, his eyes looking down in near shame.

She sighed, looking at the way he tried avoiding her gaze. “Is it because-”

“No.” He told her quickly, eyes meeting hers again. She looked unconvinced. “It’s just- I barely know the guy, okay?” He tried covering up.

“You guys have hung out before.” She countered.

“That was poker and game nights, not-”

“A celebratory send off from the single life?” She quirked an eyebrow at him.

He tilted his head. “I would just feel out of place, okay? And I do need to finish this before trial.”

She studied him for a moment, noticing the way his shoulders were slumped, eyes blinking against her own steady gaze.

“Okay…” She relented. “As long as it’s not because-”

“It’s not.” He clarified quickly.

She nodded. “Then I’ll leave you to your- work.” Smiling, she turned to leave before stopping at the door. “But you better be there for the rehearsal dinner next week or so help me God.” She demanded playfully, finger pointing at him.

He smirked. “You know I will.”

She smiled, turning to leave.

As he watched her figure fade into the distance, his own smile did the same, glancing over to the near blank document staring back at him.

As long as she’s happy….

The rehearsal dinner was everything anyone could imagine Donna Paulsen’s wedding rehearsal to be- elegant, understated, and colorful. The restaurant she chose was chic and modest- a little hole in the wall she had stumbled upon years before, slightly formal, but not stuffy or over the top.

Harvey glanced around, noticing the array of people swarming about on this side of the restaurant- a secluded spot reserved for parties. He saw Rachel and Mike, Louis, Jessica, Donna’s parents and a few other relatives he recognized. The rest he’d never met before, guessing the plethora of remaining guests belonged to Johnathan. He came from a large family, apparently.

Clad in a suit sans tie, he felt awkward standing next to what he quickly realized were some of Johnathan’s college buddies and groomsmen. He spotted Donna in the far corner of the room, a form fitting maroon dress hugging her skin, talking to some of her cousins.

Clearing his throat, he excused himself from Johnathan’s friends, setting down his drink before heading over in the direction of Donna, noticing she was now standing alone.

“Hey, hell of a party.” He greeted her.

She smirked at him. “You’re bored to death, aren’t you?”

“What? No, I- okay yeah.” He finished sheepishly.

Donna chuckled. “Didn’t enjoy talking to David and Ian and their fascinating work in the insurance business?” Her eyes widened sarcastically.

Harvey rolled his eyes. “I suddenly miss talking to Louis.”

“Yeah, well they’re the more interesting of the bunch, can you believe that?” She took a sip of her champagne, amusement in her voice.

“Interesting family you’re marrying into.” His lips turned thin, surveying the area once more.

“Hmm.” She hummed in response.

“So, uh listen, I think I’m gonna be calling it a night.” He gave her a small smile.

Her shoulders slumped. “What? Why? It’s only been two hours, we haven’t even had dessert yet.”

Harvey shrugged, glancing around. “I think I’ve met my mingling quota for the night, plus, I’m beat.”

Her stomach twisted as she looked at him, trying to tamper her disappointment in her words. “Oh, well, okay. I’ll walk you out then.” Her smile was tight as she lead him out of their designated area, stopping when Harvey grabbed her arm, just when they reached the doors that separated them from the rest of the restaurant.

“Before I forget, I wanted to give you something.” He pulled out an envelope from the inside of his jacket, handing it over to her.

She studied the paper in her hand, glancing up at him. “What is this?”

“Open it.” He told her simply.

Eyes glued to him, she took a moment before glancing down, tearing the envelope open.

Her breath hitched. “Harvey…”

“Before you say anything, I thought long and hard about what I was going to get you, until I finally settled on this.”

“I can’t take this.” Her eyes are wide, glancing between him and the check in her hands.

Harvey shrugged. “Consider it a honeymoon present.”

“We’re already paying for our honeymoon.”

“A second honeymoon, then.”

“Harvey-” She felt her heart beating against her chest, her hands shaking as she still clutched the paper in her hands.

“Okay, save it for your kids’ tuition or something.”

Donna shook her head, closing her eyes as she felt a migraine forming. “Okay, you need to stop. Harvey, this is too much, I can’t take this.”

“Yes you can.” He told her pointedly.

“You couldn’t have gotten me a salad spinner like everyone else?”

“I’m not like everyone else.” He smirked.

“Clearly.” Donna muttered, sighing as she looked down at the check in her hands again. “Harvey why would you even-”

“Because you deserve it. You deserve to be happy, Donna.” His words were softer this time, warm brown eyes boring into her own.

She swallowed against every emotion that kept bubbling to the surface. “Harvey-” She whispered.

“You are happy, right?” His eyes searched over her features.

She shifted in place, lips trying to formulate the words. “I-”

“Hey, Donna! You should listen to this.” Her fiancé’s voice took her out of her moment. She glanced over to see his smiling face as he was gathered next to his parents and siblings.

“I should get going.” Harvey told her, voice soft. He hesitated for a moment, contemplating if he should kiss her goodbye, before he settled on placing his hand on her arm for a fleeting second.

He left her with a final nod and wave goodbye, watching as she gave him her own weak smile.

It was eleven thirty that night when he heard a series of insistent knocks. He frowned, downing the last bit of scotch he held, wincing as the brown liquid burned his throat. Sighing, he stood up from his couch to answer the door.

Any trace of annoyance that he felt vanished the second he opened it.

“Donna.” Surprise evident in his voice, his eyes searched over features. She was still wearing her maroon dress, her arms crossed, hugging herself protectively. His chest constricted seeing her tear stained cheeks.

“I can’t do this.” She whispered, voice shaking.

He furrowed his eyebrows. “Do what?”

“I can’t get married.” She rushed into his apartment, zooming past him to stand in the hallway just inside.

His head swiveled around, closing the door on reflex.

“Donna-”

She shook her head. “I can’t- I can’t do this, Harvey.” Her eyes met his, red rimmed and fearful.

He stepped closer to her now, protectiveness etched his voice. “Donna, what happened? Did Johnathan- did he do something?”

She shook her head again. “No, no, I just- I can’t do this.”

His heart broke seeing her so shaken, tears falling freely now, her mascara running as she held herself.

“Okay, why don’t we- sit down, talk about this.” He told her softly, forehead creased as he gently led her over to his couch.

He watched as she took measured steps, sitting down on the couch with a shaky breath.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Harvey began softly, sitting down next to her.

“I- I can’t get married.” She repeated. “I can’t go through with this. It’s too soon, it’s- it’s not right.” Her eyes were dark in the dim light of his living room, glassy with the tears that kept welling in them.

“Well… it’s normal to have cold feet before your wedding,” Harvey reasoned, “Maybe if you talked to Johnathan? Or even Rachel? You told me once that she was nervous before her own wedding too, so-”

“No, no, Harvey, these aren’t wedding jitters, okay? I don’t want to get married.” Her tearful gaze met his, frustration starting to rise.

“Why?”

“Because!” She stood up suddenly, throwing her arms up in irritation, “Because I’m not happy, okay? I’m not happy.”

Harvey stood up, wanting to meet her at her level. “Donna-”

“I was happy, for a while….” She paced the area of his living room, eyes glancing around the familiar space.

“Donna, what happened?” Harvey prodded gently, frustration over not knowing how to help her, not knowing what was going through her mind, eating him inside.

She sighed, seizing her movements to meet his concerned gaze. “I thought I was pregnant.”

Harvey froze, eyes subconsciously glancing from her stomach to her face. “Wh- are you?”

“No, I’m not.” She breathed out, not missing the way his features relaxed. “But I thought I was and- I freaked out. I went to the doctors and it turned out to be a false alarm.”

“I’m s-”

She shook her head. “No, don’t be. I was relieved.” She let out a humorless laugh. “I was relieved I wasn’t pregnant.”

“Well, I guess the timing wasn’t-”

“Goddammit, Harvey, are you even listening to what I’m saying?” Her tone surprised him, making him stand up straighter, words caught in his throat.

“I’m not supposed to feel relieved to not be pregnant with the man I’m supposed to love, supposed to spend the rest of my life with.” Her eyes were pleading with him now, hoping he could understand.

“You don’t love him?” He asked her quietly.

“I- I don’t know. I thought I did. I thought I loved him, I thought I was happy, but it doesn’t feel right.” Her voice broke, her teeth grinding through the words.

“What are you going to do?”

Donna closed her eyes, swallowing the rest of the tears away. “I don’t know.” She whispered.

“What do you want to do?” He inquired, his eyes searching her face, noticing the way her lip trembled just slightly, her chest heaving with uneven breaths.

“I want- to be happy.” Her face crumpled then, sudden sobs racking her body.

Instinctively, he took a step toward her, arms opening on reflex as she melted into him, her arms clutching his back as she cried into his shoulder.

Harvey felt his throat tightening, fighting against his own tears. If there was anything in this world he could never handle, it was seeing Donna upset. And seeing her crying, seeing her hurting, it made him feel as powerless as ever. His arms held her tightly against him, hands caressing her back as she let all of her emotions pour out.

He wouldn’t be the first to admit that he felt a twinge of despair and dread every time he thought about her marrying someone else, the thought of her spending her life with another man making him nauseous. But she was happy. He kept making sure she was, because then, despite his selfish feelings and desires, he knew she was leading the life she deserved, even if it meant not sharing it with her. Because her happiness mattered more. She mattered more.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered into her. “I had no idea.”

She sniffled against him, her cries winding down. She lifted her head from his shoulder, looking up to meet his eyes.

“None of this was supposed to happen.” She told him softly.

“What do you mean?” He furrowed his eyebrows, bringing a hand up to gently wipe away a tear.

“I gave up too easily.”

“On Johnathan?”

She shook her head. “No, on us.”

His breath hitched, body going still. “Donna-”

“I should have- fought harder, I should have- God, I don’t know, I was just tired of waiting. Waiting for you to see me.”

“I did.” He croaked out, voice tight with guilt.

Her eyes widened slightly, searching his face for more answers.

“You weren’t the one to give up on us, Donna, I was.” He felt his chest growing tighter then, the emotions from the past year bubbling up all at once in him.

“Harvey-”

“I didn’t try, I didn’t- I didn’t fight for you.” He spat the words out angrily, remorse in his voice. “I stayed quiet for too damn long because I was scared of losing you, but I lost you anyway.” He finished softly.

“You didn’t lose me.” She reassured.

“Felt like I did.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” She asked, confusion written all over her face.

“I thought you were happy.” His voice was laced was guilt, eyes stinging with unshed tears.

Donna closed her eyes, a few tears escaping in the process.

“For a while,” she cleared her throat, eyes meeting him again, “I felt like I could move on, because it’s what I had to do- to get over you.” She paused to gauge his reaction, watching as he held onto her every word. “And I met Johnathan and he was- great. He was kind and smart and sweet, he had the most horrible jokes, but he was there.” She noticed the way Harvey shifted uncomfortably, arms still around her. She took one step closer to him, making sure he didn’t break his hold. “But he wasn’t the man I was supposed to marry.”

“Donna-”

Her forehead met his then, their eyes closing simultaneously, taking in the sensation of being this close to each, closer than they had been since their kiss.

“I don’t want to lose you. I can’t.” She pleaded with him.

“Donna, what- what are you going to do?” He whispered against her, their breaths mingling.

Her eyes shifted to meet his, heart beating wildly against her chest. “I’m going to call off the wedding.”

He gulped, trying to find the proper words in the moment, failing to do so through the clouds that fogged up his mind.

“Are- are you sure?” He finally let out.

She nodded. “I can’t keep lying to myself. I can’t keep doing this. It’s not fair to him, to me.” Too you, she mentally finished.

Harvey studied her for a moment, taking note of the determination that set in her voice, equally present in her eyes.

She brought her hand up then, using her thumb to gently trace the corner of his lips. “I deserve to be with someone who truly makes me happy.”

His lips quirked slightly then, warmth filling his chest, an overwhelming sense of desire and love coursing through him.

“I do just want you to be happy.” He told her softly. “No matter who you’re with, no matter what I’m feeling, you deserve it. That’s all that matters to me.”

“I know.” She smiled, leaning up to plant a lingering kiss on his cheek.

He held his breath when her lips met his skin, body crackling with a fire she ignited.

“I’m gonna go.” She stepped away from him, hands sliding down his arms, prolonging their contact as long as possible.

“Are you going to-”

“Go talk to Johnathan, yeah.” She sighed, sending him a weak smile as she parted from him now, starting her walk to his front door.

He trailed after her, feet automatically mirroring her steps.

She turned the knob, pausing to turn around to meet him.

“I’m- I don’t know how I’m going to do this.” She chuckled nervously.

“Just- tell him what’s in your heart.” He told her softly. “And if you need anything, just call me.”

Smiling, Donna nodded, eyes shining once again with tears.

“Thank you, Harvey.”

He cupped her cheek with his left hand, thumb running smooth circles on her skin. “Hey, anytime, okay? I’ll be here.”

“I know.” She held his hand to her face, tilting her head to kiss the inside of his palm.

Giving him one last small smile, she turned to open the door, heels clacking in the empty hallway as she made her way out.

He watched her walk away, but for once, the dull pain in his heart was replaced by a tiny glimmer of hope.

Body sprawled across his queen sized bed, Harvey lay wide awake, eyes trying to discern the patterns on the ceiling of his room. It had taken a considerable amount of effort to try and fall asleep as soon as Donna had left. After downing two more drinks, his body near numbness, he went to bed, making sure his phone was in reachable distance.

He kept finding himself checking his phone for the time, to see if she had called or messaged him, but as the minutes that passed by turned into hours, the lack of messages from her only further tightened the ever growing worry in his chest.

He had stopped himself from calling her a number of times, not wanting to disturb her if she was still with Johnathan. Doubt kept creeping into his subconscious, dread over the possibility of her deciding that she should stay with him, that he was the right choice taking over his senses. He chastised himself for letting those thoughts seep in, knowing full well that the only thing that mattered in that moment was Donna and her happiness, it didn’t matter what he wanted, only her.

But still- the way his heart had leaped earlier, hearing her telling him that she was going to call off the wedding, the way she admitted to giving up on them months ago… He tried to tamper his hope down, which wasn’t difficult considering the constant wave of anxiety that kept filtering inside his heart.

He was also just simply worried about her, hated the way her face had crumpled in front of him, telling him that she wasn’t happy… It had been the only reason why he never tried to intervene, never tried to fight for her when she began a relationship with Johnathan. Because she kept telling him she was happy, he made sure of that. Now, guilt resided in him for not noticing anything had been off with her, for not realizing that she wasn’t happy….

Harvey sighed into the quiet space of his room, closing his eyes against the peak of morning light that started to filter in.

Suddenly, he heard the familiar chime of his phone, signaling a message. His eyes shot open, sitting up in bed so quickly he made his head spin, grabbing his phone in the process.

It was Donna.

He held his breath as he opened up the message.

I did it. I told him.

His heart leaped at her words, too many questions and thoughts dueling in his mind.

How did it go?

It was a lame response, he thinks, as he waited for her to reply.

Her name and smiling face flashed before him then, and he didn’t waste a second to answer the phone.

“Hey.” His voice was welcoming but tentative, feeling like was walking on egg shells stepping into this conversation.

He heard her sniffling on her end, and his eyes closed automatically, a lump forming at the back of his throat.

“I uh- I did it.” Came her low response, voice wavering just slightly.

“How are you doing?” Harvey mentally kicked himself for the cliché response, but he was concerned about her.

“I’m- okay.” She let out a humorless laugh, the tone in her voice low and somber.

“Donna-”

“I am, I’m- I had to do it, Harvey.” She sighed into her phone.

“How’d he take it?”

“He was upset- really upset. He was confused and angry, which I naturally expected. He just looked so hurt, and I hated every second of it.” She whispered the last words, taking a moment to collect herself before continuing. “We argued for the better part of the last couple of hours, I actually just left his place thirty minutes ago.”

“Where are you now?” Harvey inquired, worry gnawing at him, picturing her fighting against exhaustion on all levels, having to argue with her fiancé, telling him their wedding was off just the night before their big day.

“Just walking into my apartment.” He could hear the jingle of her keys coming from her side.

Harvey paused for a second, struggling to find the words that would suffice in a moment like this. “Did you tell him why? I mean, did you explain to him why you wanted to-”

“Yes and no,” Donna breathed out, settling on her couch. “I told him I just didn’t feel like it was right, I told him I was sorry, but I just couldn’t go through with it, that he deserved to be with someone who really loved him.”

“Does he know about-” Us, Harvey mentally finished.

“No, I mean, he didn’t bring you up, but I have a feeling he knows on some level.”

“I’m so sorry, Donna.” A small part of him felt sorry for the man, he was a good guy and he liked him, mostly. But a bigger part of him felt responsible, felt guilty for stripping this day away from her, despite the fact the he knows she wouldn’t have done it had she really been happy with Johnathan. Still, his heart ached for her.

“Don’t be,” She whispered. “I just hate the fact that it took me this long to realize it wasn’t right, I only wasted more time.” Her words were filled with regret, a feeling he knew all too well.

“Listen, what you did today? What you realized? You were so brave. I’m proud of you.”

She scoffed. “That makes one of us. I know I had to do it, Harvey, and I don’t regret it, it was the right thing to do, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling like complete shit because of it.”

“You deserve to be happy, Donna,” He felt like a broken record, repeating these words in full, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “Yeah, it took you a while to realize it, but at least you did something about it. I never did.” He swallowed back the ever growing remorse he felt every time he remembered the way he kept scaring himself out of telling her wanted to be with her all those months before.

“Harvey-”

“I won’t screw things up this time,” He promised. “I mean, that’s not to say- I don’t mean to imply, just, only if you still want to-” He scrambled against his words, not wanting to jump to any conclusions, especially so close after her breakup with her fiancé.

Donna smiled. “I do.” Their breathes hitched simultaneously, the meaning of the words not lost on them. The fact that she almost recited those very words that day for a whole other reason sitting at the forefront of their minds.

Harvey cleared his throat then, trying to render in their conversation. “So, uh, what are you going to do now? With the wedding, I mean. Have you told anyone else?”

Donna sighed, a hand coming up to rub at her forehead. “No, I wanted to update you as soon as I could.”

He could feel his heart’s beat increasing, a gratefulness filling him at the same time.

“After we argued, Johnathan and I, we agreed to split the work of telling people. He was going to handle his side of the family, and I was going to do mine.”

“If you need any help…” Harvey offered, letting the words linger in the air.

Her lips turned, warmth rising in her chest. “Thanks, Harvey, but I think I should handle this one my own,” She sighed, the weight of the entire situation settling in then. “I’ll call my mom and Rachel and they’ll help me deal with the caterer and reception and…” Her voice drifted, a migraine settling in her as it dawned on her just how much she had to get done.

“Let me help, Donna.” He pleaded with her gently, an uneasiness eating him up, feeling helpless in this situation, wanting nothing but to help ease her mind and worries somehow, in whatever way he could.

“Well, there is one thing….”

“Anything.” He assured.

She chewed on her lip in thought for a moment. “I’m going to need some time- to deal with this. I just need to… decompress, get my mind wrapped around all of this for a while. I know I had some time off already coming up,” She thought of her honeymoon then, mentally adding it to the list of things she had to cancel. “I thought I’d head up to visit my parents, but I don’t want to deal with the endless questions and looks of pity, so I’m going to head out, I don’t know where yet, probably somewhere close, but, I’m just going to need some time, by myself.”

Harvey felt himself nodding, even though he knew she couldn’t see him. A growing ache filled him then, disappointment clouding his senses at the thought of not being able to see her just yet, to be able to gather her into his arms and comfort her, just being there for her. “What do you need me to do?”

“Wait for me.” She told him simply, voice almost timid and unsure.

Harvey smiled into the room, a sigh escaping him as reassurance washed over. “I’ll always be here, Donna.”

She felt her eyes welling up once again that day, though this time it was accompanied by a small smile. “Thank you, Harvey. For everything.” She whispered.

“Anytime.” He told her softly.

“So, I should get going now, I have- a lot of phone calls to make.” She laughed dryly.

Harvey nodded. “I’ll leave you to it, then, but call me if you need assistance. Or just someone to talk to.”

“I will. I’ll uh, I’ll see you when I get back.”

Harvey fought the urge to ask her exactly when will that be, not wanting to push her into anything. “I’ll see you then.”

“Bye, Harvey.”

“Bye, Donna.”

He waited for her to hang up first, a breath escaping his lips as he settled back into his bed, dropping his phone right next to his pillow, his eyes closing out of his own will.

For the first time in months, sleep came easy to him.

Harvey woke up to the crackle of thunder, the beginning stages of a storm brewing outside startling him out of his dreams.

Red hair, white sheets, the familiar taste of her lips on his….

He shook his head, shaking off the last remnants of sleep before reaching over to grab his phone. Sighing when he saw there were no messages, he stood up, making his way to the kitchen.

His movements were zombie-like, his feet guiding him automatically from cabinet to cabinet, the morning routine he had long ago mastered coming to him naturally.

It had been a week to the day since Donna had called him, letting him know she had called off the wedding, and that she was going to take some time to herself. She had texted him just a few times since then, giving him small and vague updates as to her whereabouts, just letting him know she was okay.

He knew she was being evasive on purpose, not wanting to risk the chance of letting him know where she was just to have him show up unannounced, because she knew him too damn well. Knew that he was likely to show up just to be with her, make sure she was okay. It didn’t matter that she reassured him of that fact, the worry in him since she had shown up at his place a week ago had yet to subside.

In turn, he had kept his own messages short yet meaningful, merely reiterating the fact that he was there if she needed anything. He never pushed though, respecting her wishes to keep his distance for the time being, knowing she needed this time for herself. Still, the longer she was away, the more paranoid he became, wondering if when she returned she would still feel the same way about him. Plus, he just really missed her.

Just as he was about to pour himself a cup of coffee, he heard three short taps on his door, making him freeze on the spot. He didn’t have to wonder who would be knocking at his door this early in the morning, he knew.

Careful not to trip on his own two feet, he made his way to the door as quickly as possible, pausing just for a split second to collect himself before he opened the door.

“Hey, stranger.” Her wide smile welcomed him, hair pulled up in a near messy bun, clad in a pair of gray pants and a burgundy sweatshirt. She was a sight for sore eyes.

“Hey.” His voice was soft, eyes taking her in, making sure she was really standing there before him, and not just some figment of his imagination.

“You going to let me in or not?” She quirked her lips, head tilting in amusement as he stared dumbly at her for a few moments.

“Oh, yeah, of course, come in.” He mentally kicked himself for sounding like a complete moron, flustered over her mere presence.

They stood at a respectful distance from one another, a semi-awkward silence falling over them.

Harvey cleared his throat. “So- how was your- trip?”

Donna smiled at him, eyes soft as she witnessed him stumbling with his words. “It was good. It was- necessary. I did a lot of thinking, and whole lot of nothing.” She chuckled softly.

Harvey nodded, a small smile in place. “Where did you go?” He asked her then, curiosity getting the best of him.

“I ended up in Boston, of all places. I didn’t exactly have a destination in mind, I just drove and- ended up there.” She shrugged.

Harvey only nodded in response again, words failing him as he tried to string along a proper sentence. He had mulled over what he was going to tell her when she got back, the words memorized and ready to go for when she returned, but as he found himself standing in front of her again, looking as beautiful as ever even in sweatpants and a messy bun, he couldn’t even seem to think straight, let alone talk.

“Donna-”

“Harvey-”

They spoke simultaneously, nervous twin laughs following.

“You first.” She insisted.

“I-” He sighed, trying to bring some semblance of clarity into his mind. “Listen, Donna, I can’t imagine what you just went through- calling off the wedding and then dealing with the fallout… I know what you told me last week, what you said about us, but I just want you to know that I have zero expectations. I don’t want to push or rush you into anything now, or at all for that matter. I just want to let you know that no matter what, I’m here. I’m here if you want to talk about it or not talk about it. I just don’t want you to think that I’m expecting us to jump into any- mmph.” His words were caught off by her lips on his, her arms winding around him automatically.

He stayed frozen in place for a moment, arms limp on either side. He felt her hands raking through his hair, and he felt himself melting into her then. His own arms wound around her, bringing her flush against him. He felt a sense of deja vu wash over him, their kiss all too reminiscent of the one they shared nearly a year ago.

It took everything in him to pull away, just before her tongue could pass through his lips. He let out a low groan when he felt the whine of protest leave her lips when they parted.

Her eyes were glossy as she stared up at him, at least five inches shorter without her heels on. He glanced at her swollen lips, her breathing controlled despite their kiss. She gave him a confused look.

“Donna,” he began, taking in a deep breath to collect himself, “are you sure?”

“You ask too many questions, you know?” She pursed her lips, taking her thumb to trace his own swollen ones.

“I just don’t want to rush into anything if you’re not ready.” Sincerity met her gaze, and she swallowed against the gratitude that overtook her.

“I want this, Harvey. I want you.” She stated firmly, eyes pleading with him to comprehend. “I waited too damn long realize, and since I can’t go back in time and fix the mess we got ourselves into, I want to make things right. Now.”

He searched her face for any sign of reluctance, only finding pure determination and finality in her words. He nodded. “If you’re sure… I don’t want to rush you into anything. I mean, it’s only been a week since-”

She shook her head, frustration settling low in her. “I don’t want to talk about last week. I don’t want to talk about how screwed up things got so quickly. I don’t want to waste any more time.” She emphasized.

“What do you want?” Harvey asked her softly.

“I want you… now.” With that, she pulled him toward her again, their lips crashing fiercely. Unlike earlier, he was prepared for the attack, his hand coming up to cradle her face against him, tilting their angle just slightly, pulling her into a deeper kiss.

She moaned as she felt his tongue sliding against her own, her body coming alive with every stroke and tease. She pulled on his bottom lip then, smiling into their kiss as she felt more than heard the groan that escaped him.

Donna started to pull him backwards, blindly leading him in the direction of his bedroom. He quickly got the hint and started walking more swiftly, taking measured steps in the familiar maze of his living room, not wanting to part from her for a second as they made their way through his apartment.

When they reached his bedroom, their hands began a frenzy mission to rid each other of their clothes, lips parting only momentarily in between. When they were down to just their underwear, he pulled back from her, their chests heaving as oxygen depletion took a toll on them.

“Donna-” He began.

She shook her head on instinct. “Harvey, if you ask me one more time if I’m sure…” Her impatience was running thin, the need to have him already was boiling at the surface and she felt like she could come undone solely on the way he was looking at her.

“I just- I love you.” He told her simply.

Her features melted then, body going slack in his arms. She was thankful for the way he held her in the moment, not sure if she could trust her own legs from giving out beneath her.

She swallowed against the lump in her throat, a futile attempt to keep her tears at bay as they still started to fall without her consent. “I love you too.” She whispered.

His smile met her own then, claiming her lips in a slower toe-curling kiss, finally leading her to his bed, the cacophony of thunder rolling in the distance….

“What?” She laughs, tightening her hold on around his neck as they swayed gently to the music.

“Have I mentioned how beautiful you look?” His eyes were shining, a soft glee written all over his features.

Donna quirks her lips. “Only a couple dozen times, Mr. Specter.” And he had, continuously. From the moment his gaze had landed on her that day, eyes glossing over seeing her walking toward him, he knew he was ruined. The second she reached him, the words fell from his lips automatically, trying to his best to keep his voice even.

“Well, it’s worth repeating, Mrs. Specter.” He grins at her, watching her smile mirroring his.

“You know I’m keeping my last name, right?” She tells him, a playful tilt to her voice.

Harvey shrugs. “Still, l like calling you that… Mrs. Specter.” He whispers into her ear this time, kissing her temple in the process.

Her body shivers at his words, unable to fathom their current status, the way things had turned out in a span of just over half a year. It didn’t take them long to fall into an easy rhythm after she had gone over to his place that rainy day just months before. They kept their relationship quiet for a while, not wanting it to become the lead of everyone’s gossip story. Even so, they quickly settled into a routine, familiar and comfortable, right.

Despite her immediate and insistent reassurances, he struggled with the possibility that his blunt proposal was too rushed, having popped the question just five months into their newfound relationship. But he couldn’t help it, they had been cuddling on his couch, the ring in his pocket burning a hole through his pants. She had looked so peaceful in his arms, a smile so soft and beautiful, his heart had doubled in size then, and the words just spilled out of his lips.

“Marry me.”

She had looked surprised at first, his words making her heart seize, but then her lips had widened, eyes shining with tears and she pulled him into a bruising kiss, mumbling a “yes” against him.

And now just over a month later, because neither could wait longer to become each other’s forever, they were dancing at their wedding reception, family and friends milling around them- currently a blur as their attention was solely on each other.

“That makes two of us.” She mumbles into him, a happy sigh escaping her as she settles her head on his shoulder, eyes closing and feeling the rhythm of his heart against his chest.

They continued to sway gently to the music, a familiar tune playing in the background, but she was unable to discern the melody at the moment, currently caught in a whirlwind of emotions, draped over her best friend and husband.

“Donna?” The man in question shook her out of her reverie.

“Hmm?”

“Are you happy?” Her head shoots up at his words, hazel eyes meeting warm brown ones in the dim light of the room.

Donna studies him curiously for a moment, a familiar peacefulness and comfort she had come to know and love in the past fifteen years staring back at her.

Her hold on him tightens just slightly, feeling his own arms doing the same where her white dress met skin. She shivers at his touch, goosebumps aligning her freckled skin.

“I don’t think- I could ever be as happy as I am right now.” She whispers.

His smile grows ten-fold, and she can’t help but lean up, even with her heels on, and place a kiss right on his dimple.

“Good,” Harvey whispers, holding his wife closer against him still, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head, “Just making sure.”

You caught me onceMaybe on the flipside I could catch you againYou caught me onceMaybe on the flipside you could catch me again

#darvey #darvey fic #Donna x Harvey #suits #prompt #author: ali #rated t #one shot

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