#I have this too! as well as the previous flag I made :3 :DD

[akumaii]

Scopophobia

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Definition: Scopophobia is an anxiety disorder that is characterized as the intense and irrational fear of being watched, looked at, or surveilled. This phobia may also include being seen in general as well.

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Etymology: scopophobia comes from the Greek σκοπέω skopeō, "look to, examine", and φόβος phobos, "fear"

Requested by: @thebigneuromess

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(term coined: N/A) (flag made: 09/08/2023)

[rockpaperscissors-novel]

Chapter 2

After I signed my son over I hit a level of rock bottom, depression. Got seriously involved in recreational drugs, marijuana, lots of alcohol- ended up buying what I thought was ecstasy and was a heroin-meth mix, I was protected the week I withdrew and used all I had bought- 175$ worth, I don’t remember a thing besides needing to call the cops, due to my hallucinations of people trying to break into my apartment. The withdrawal lasted about two weeks, completely being able to regain my normal routine, not have blown pupils and have accurate memory and timing. When I finally did come out of it, I felt guilt and I prayed, but I didn’t stick to that prayer, or that Faith that Jehovah would help me out of this dark hole I had dug myself into. It was like I had waved a white flag and put the barrel in my mouth- I was just numb. I decided to stop playing with drugs after escaping possible arrest, charges and hospitalization with how messy I had behaved, as well as my living situation. I was living with a friend, who drank a lot and encouraged less than appropriate behavior- and I allowed it, every time. I decided to end things with the boyfriend that made me feel like I was nothing, we had already experienced some physical altercations and I didn’t like how he was making me feel and how I was allowing myself to react to it, it was wrong and not who I was. 

I moved back to my mom’s, ready to start over, ready to try again- I spent a few days with a friend on a car drive to Louisiana, picking up other friends and bringing them home, to finally give Justin, my future husband. A moment to draw me home with him. When I came back to Indiana, I was home for less than a week before he invited me over for his Birthday bash, I was excited to have socialism since I had been my buddies DD for sleep deprivation on the road. Justin talked me through thunderstorms while I was panicking in the front seat and told me he was gonna marry me- said he always knew, and nowadays, I know he did. 

Don’t be fooled, the rumors have some truth, we were young and reckless and impulsive- we didn’t marry out of love, but out of companionship and comfort, but we grew into love. THIS IS NOT AN ALL THE TIME OCCURRENCE, I cannot stress enough if you’re being abused, being neglected- SPEAK UP. My husband and I BOTH have had toxic traits we’ve had to trust Jehovah with to change and become better models of his Word. We did not deserve each other, or the patience and compassion Jehovah gave us when we were the bitter, toxic selves, IT TOOK YEARS TO MASTER OUR PATIENCE WITH EACH OTHER. We are good for one another, we are the strength in each other’s weaknesses, he’s my biggest fan and I’d support him even if he was silly in the idea. He is my puzzle piece, and I fully believe Jehovah has forgiven all the past- true and not, of which we are only aware and responsible for, and taken responsibility for. 

We have to stop expecting standards that are higher than our own ability of our spouses- these high expectations, first of all, are unrealistic. We are imperfect people and we do our best, when we’re at our best, but we’re not always going to be at our best- we’re going to struggle, but that’s how we learn! We bring out the nasty in each other with the willingness to forgive, as Jehovah as given us on daily, even hourly requests when we’re having a bad time! Why is it, that we can feel this guilt and regret on things we know are wrong, and want to apologize to Jehovah for our mistakes and knowing he forgives us- but we can’t do that for our spouse? Why? While we’re making mistakes too, we think less of them for their faults? We have to be accepting, understanding, forgiving, and compassionate with our spouses- we’re all fighting the same fight, all serving for the same goal- let Jehovah make your marriage thrive with praise to him!