#I haven’t been able to draw in a while bc final projects have been hitting so fucking hard so. I miss it

[cinnamontoads]

misc creek doodles from a bit ago

[delineative]

writing year in review: 2018

total number of completed stories: 9

total word count:

ao3: 43 879

(+ ~5k on socks)

fandoms written in:

dorohedoro

we both chose each other - noi/shin

houseki no kuni

growing without rest - phos/phos

idol producer / nine percent

counting flower petals all day long - xukun/zhengting

leaving nothing behind - xukun/zhengting

when we see each other again - jun/zhengting, ziyi/zhengting, yanjun/zhangjing/zhengting, xukun/zhengting, justin/chengcheng/zhengting

take one step closer - xukun/yanjun/zhengting

nct

from first principles - 00line

produce 101 china / rocket girls

coincidence makes sense - yamy/meiqi/xuanyi

seventeen

the earth in its turning stopped (last 2 chapters) - seungcheol/jeonghan/joshua

reaching for you from the endless dream - wonwoo/jun

wips:

out of the wips i’m currently working on:

dirtmix assignment (will be revealed very shortly!)

nahyuck pacific rim au

markrenmin enemies to lovers fantasy au

looking back, did you expect to write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

around what i expected... i was aiming for 1 fic a month and didn’t quite manage to hit that but i feel like each fic was longer than usual (i’m a terminal shortfic writer so anything over 3k is long for me). like i kept going 1-4k over my projected wordcount which was extremely panic-inducing when i was trying to write to deadlines lmao so overall i’m okay with the quantity of words i produced this year!

what pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?

fandom-wise probably the survival show spiral and moving into ncity... if 2017 was the year of yugioh then 2018 was the year of rpf. some of the stuff i posted to socks was very uncharacteristic of my usual m.o but i think everything i put on main was very true to brand i.e ambiguous relationships + vague pining + emo conversations in the dark

did you take any writing risks this year? what did you learn from them?

i signed up for svtbb and had to drop out due to exam pressure, which was sad bc it’s the first exchange/fest i’ve ever defaulted on, but then i went and did lordeventeen and yuletide even though they partly ran through exam seasons too so i guess i learned nothing?!?

actually i think i probably could have afforded to take a few more risks genre-wise, i feel like everything i wrote in 2018 recycled the exact same themes but also at the same time those themes are the only thing i can write. terrible taste i will never change i will never improve that is a promise etc etc

what’s your own favorite story of the year?

reaching for you from the endless dream had me tearing my hair out while i was writing it but ultimately i feel like it paid off! i’ve always wanted to try canon compliant + magic and this ended up with some of the best writing i’ve ever done, plus i’m happy i was finally able to write something for one of my favourite svt ships <3 honourable mention to the concept behind when we see each other again, my post-disbandment allzzt ship manifesto titled after csc_uri_dasi_bol_ttae.mp3 

best story of the year?

also reaching for you from the endless dream! i’m really proud of how this one turned out both in terms of technical quality (.... *repeats the same phrase 300 times* Is This Thematic Consistency?) and emotional beats, and it got so many lovely comments. i think this is probably one of my best fics ever, and i’m glad it struck a chord with other people too!

most popular story of the year?

not counting teiits since most of that was posted in 2017, it’s counting flower petals all day long, which really surprised me when i checked my ao3 stats? i must have hit the sweet spot of fandom growth + burgeoning ship popularity bc literally nothing happens in the fic other than one (1) kiss, but thank you for giving it so much love 💖

story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

omg i think everything i wrote this year was WAY over-appreciated but coincidence makes sense, which features a f/f/f rarepair (raretrio?) in a fandom with very little western fan presence, so i’m not surprised by its stats but i’m still pretty fond of this one and consider it one of the better fics i wrote in 2018, and one of the best idolverse fics i’ve ever written

most fun story to write:

from first principles, the debate au fic i’ve wanted to write for like 6 years, my beloved pet project through the month of august, and i think it shows? i tripled my projected word count and in the process of writing fully converted to dreamyism(/renjunism), so a lot of love went into it, even though there are places you can tell i definitely rushed the execution. one day i’ll do justice to a proper nct sports anime fic... 

story with the single sexiest moment:

all the rated content i wrote this year was posted to socks other than the brief dance studio 3some scene in take one step closer, but i genuinely have no idea if that was even sxc since i wrote it on my phone in a feverish last-minute sprint on a plane while blasting twice bdz and haven’t reread it at all jhfgdfjdfh

most sweet story:

the general tone of everything i wrote in 2018 was much less depressing than 2017 but i guess the sweetest story was we both chose each other... what’s more romantic than dismembering a bunch of thugs with your beloved partner and then jumping off a cliff together!!

story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:

kind of a weird question to apply to rpf... characterisation perceptions are constantly shifting based on current meta and au role needs, though i feel like i’m always struggling to play catchup and by the time i publish anything the general image has shifted ;__; 

most unintentionally telling story:

from first principles draws heavily on my own experiences with high school debating... lots of 3rd speaker related anxieties and hangups projection all over the place in there lmao

hardest story to write:

every time i’m working on something, especially when i’m close to finishing, it is the hardest thing i have ever written... i can’t remember if writing has always been this difficult for me or if it’s an rpf thing. probably i struggled the most with reaching for you from the endless dream bc i’m deeply intimidated by writing jun (light of my life) due to the fear of not doing him justice, and also the deadline pressure nearly killed me. also at one point i called writing from first principles the worst experience of my life but looking back it wasn’t even that bad... mostly it was just that it kept getting longer and longer and eventually i was like Please God Let It End Already

biggest disappointment:

not finishing my svtbb fic... i am literally twitter user juncheolsoo i owe them SOMETHING!! not writing more fic. mediocre execution of decent concepts bc i got too impatient and rushed to finish things before i got bored of them

biggest surprise:

all of my fics about idol boys except one have over 100 kudos, which is just a ridiculous amount?! idol rpf fandoms have been so kind to me... i will work hard to become a better content creator in 2019!!

favourite opening line(s):

from leaving nothing behind:

“Are you looking for Justin?”

Xukun rears back, knuckles still poised to knock on the doorframe. “I—what?”

“Are you looking for Justin?” Zhengting repeats. He’s sprawled across the bottom bunk, leg dangling inelegantly off the edge. The phone in his hand casts an unsteady ellipse of light over his collarbone.

favourite closing line(s):

from growing without rest:

Beyond the arches the world is silent. The gem Phosphophyllite will become returns their gaze steadily, evenly. The shadows lengthen. In the distance behind them, a flicker of white, like light needling off somebody’s back, or the gleam of a pearl eye.

favourite 5 line(s) from anywhere:

from first principles:

“If only Mark-hyung was still here,” Renjun said, only half-jokingly. There was a brief moment of solemn silence as the three of them paused to consider their ex-captain, who had passed on last year to the realm of university debating.

when we see each other again:

So maybe they weren’t friends, but they were something. You couldn’t inhabit the same space for two years and come out the other side as strangers. Sometimes Zhengting thought that might have been easier than whatever this intimacy limbo was supposed to be, knowing somebody in the minutest details, what they looked like at the height of their intensity or the moments before they fell asleep, without really knowing them at all. Looking, and not having the gesture returned, or at least not equally.

coincidence makes sense:

The song ends, starts over. Meiqi doesn’t, though, pivoting to face them, and that’s all the invitation Xuanyi needs to unfold from her position beside Guo Ying and cross the floor. Like two halves of a single movement Meiqi reaches out to Xuanyi and Xuanyi presses their palms together, interlacing their fingers. The tilt of their heads towards each other like it’s something irresistible.

reaching for you from the endless dream:

Junhui was practically raised by the industry. The stage lying close enough to the bone it would be indistinguishable from it. He leaves his intensity on the stage but glimpses of it show through in odd moments, seamlessness without ease. It’s hard for Wonwoo to understand, but most things about Junhui are.

take one step closer:

You want to look into somebody, of course you have to let them look back. This is why he kept away in the first place, the terror of vulnerability when it could be staved off indefinitely instead, though he’d wanted to be seen, hoped for it, even, despite himself, something in the marrow singing out to be known.

It’s like an infection, a second heart in his ribs. A kind of longing that bites right through his hand. Strikes down to the quick. Severs the whole thing clean off. He ran so far from himself he landed in somebody else’s body, and here he is, still trying to escape.

top 5 scenes from anywhere you would choose to have illustrated:

jun lifting zzt up and spinning him around, from when we see each other again (;___; #junting_agenda_seeding)

wonwoo and jun in the kitchen with nectarines spilling out of the open fridge, from reaching for you from the endless dream

cxkzzt conversation in the dark while zzt is wearing a facemask, from leaving nothing behind

00z sports shounen hug, from from first principles

phos getting crushed by their future self’s gold arms, from growing without rest

honourable mention to noishin leaping off a cliff from we both chose each other, which actually did get illustrated in dorohedorozine <3

do you have any fanfic or profit goals for the new year?

cut down my wip list... please i have 25+ wips on my spreadsheet i just want to FINISH something for once in my life instead of constantly starting new wips and letting them rot in the graveyard of my gdocs

practise writing actual shipfic and not poorly disguised gen. i WILL get better at writing kiss scenes

try to write something over 10k again

relearn what figurative language is and how to use it. rpf boosted my productivity stats but at what cost...

[weareyourfoxes]

@eksild & @soy Here you go my story bc I don’t feel like creating a Google doc lol

1

I was Brave. I was scared. When I closed my eyes I could see fog slowly emerging over a treeline, everything in blue because it was still so early. Peaceful. I woke up to that sight almost every day. But that was before.

If I opened my eyes now I would see the girl and in the girl’s hands I would see the gun. The gun she had pointed at me. She yelled I had to show her my hidden powers. The hidden powers I didn’t have. I didn’t understand why they didn’t draw the same conclusion as I did; I was nothing, I was powerless. That wouldn’t change the moment they pointed a gun barrel at my face.The girl yelled again, louder this time.

I opened my eyes, leaving the beautiful tree line behind and looked up. She had lowered her gun to my legs now. She was counting backwards. I could have kicked the gun away. I could have yelled I didn’t know how to do what she asked of me, but it would have had no effect.

The girl pulled the trigger and for one blurry moment everything was white blistering pain. The bullet hit my bone. I could feel the path it dug itself though muscles and blood vessels.

The girl got thrown to the side as paramedics rushed in. They tended to me. I was precious. I was their belonging. If I had a flaw they would have to find a replacement. I didn’t mind them, I watched the girl. She stared at me, wide eyed. My fear was reflected in her eyes.

Black spots were starting to form in front of mine. I was losing blood. Fast. Too fast. It didn’t take long for the darkness to succumb me. The last thing I saw were the girl’s clear green eyes.

2

There was no pain. It was the first thing I noticed as the darkness finally started to let go. It took me a moment to open my eyes, and as I was struggling to do so I heard voices. At first I heard whispers, too far away to hear what they were saying. Then words, sentences. I could hear them laughing. They just sounded so far away.

It took a while, but eventually the voices sounded closer. I could even make out sounds like food being eaten and a door slamming shut. After that door closed the room was silent. I needed to wake up. I could feel my eyelids quiver.

“Are you awake?” a girl asked softly. She sounded close. Cautiously I opened my eyes. Hovering inches above me was the face of the girl who shot me. I pushed myself backwards out of her reach, until my head collided with the headboard of the bed.

“Ouch! Are you okay?” the girl asked. I didn’t even feel the pain. There was too much adrenaline coursing through my veins. The need to get away from her was too big. Never before had they confronted me with a guard or scientist who shot me like this.

“Stay away from me!” She took a few steps back and raised her hands up to show she had no intent of hurting me. As if I was going to believe that.

“It’s okay. You’re safe,” she said cautiously.  

“You shot me!” I yelled, trying to look for a way out. She had carefully positioned herself between me and the door.

“No I didn’t, or well I did, but it wasn’t real. I didn’t really shoot you.”

“But all the blood and..” She shook her head.

“Not real. Do you feel any pain?” I stared blankly at her. Pain? “If I really shot you, wouldn’t you feel it?” She had a point. I touched the place where I was sure she shot me. Nothing. The skin wasn’t even scarred.

“How did you do that? And where am I?”

“You’re at the Star, a satellite building of the Network. As for how I shot you without actually shooting you, I have no idea. I’m not a technical wiz. I was actually quite scared it would fail and we’d both die.” I had never heard any scientist or guard mention either the Star or the Network. Was this some new training or test?

“What is the Network? Am I still in the institute?” I asked.

“That’s not for me to explain. I’m Mory, by the way. What’s your name?”

“Project Noa Five. Why can’t you explain that? Why am I here?”

“So many questions. I’m sorry, I can’t explain everything to you right now. If you wait a moment, I’ll bring you to someone who will be able to answer all your questions.” She walked out of the room. I could hear her lock the door behind her, but I still got out of bed to try the door. It didn’t give. The room itself was simple. There was a bed, a few wooden chairs and a closet. The closet was completely empty.

Blinds were pulled in front of what I guessed were windows to an observation room next to this room. I walked over to the windows and opened the blinds. I was expecting there to be double sided mirror, but instead I saw trees. Trees! You didn’t have those in the institute. Where the hell was I?

“Please come with me,” Mory said. I hadn’t even heard her come in, too lost in my own thoughts. I couldn’t be out of the institute. That was impossible. They wouldn’t just let me out of the institute. It had to be a test. Had to be. How else did it make any sense?

“Five? You coming?” I nodded and walked after Mory through the doorway. She led me through multiple hallways. All were empty with walls that were painted blue or purple. All the walls of the institute had been white. At least all the walls I had seen. It was nice to see color. Mory eventually opened a door and let me in. We walked into a meeting room without windows. There was a man in his early thirties in the room, who immediately walked towards me and reached out to shake my hand.

“Hello, I’m Reggie Carter. Please, sit down. Do you want anything to drink?” the man asked. I sat down silently, ignoring his hand that was still hanging in mid air before he smoothed out his jacket.

“Nothing to drink then?” I shook my head. Mory sat down next to me.

“Well then. Hello. What’s your name?” Reggie asked.

“Project Noa Five,” I answered on autopilot as I looked around the room for a way out. The only option was the door through which we came.

“You haven’t let her pick a name yet?” Reggie asked Mory. She shrugged. Maybe I could make it, although I had no way of knowing how much guards were outside.

“Not yet.” I decided I had to get information first. I needed to know where I was.

“Where are we? Are we still in the institute?”

“You mean you haven’t even told her you broke her out of the institute?” Reggie asked. He had my full attention now.

“I figured it would be easier if you told her, while you explained everything,” Mory said.

“I’m not in the institute anymore?” I asked.

“No. You are currently in Toronto, in the Star a satellite building of the Network. Mory broke you out together with a few other members of the Network. That was about three days ago. You slept all that time. Are you sure you don’t want anything to drink?” He asked. I never felt this confused. They had to be lying. Had to be. Once you went into the institute you didn’t come out.

“No. What is the Network? Why did you break me out?”

“You’re currently in a satellite building of the Network. The Network is a group of people who are fighting an invisible war against a force that’s not seen by the public eye. Only those of us who take enough notice of our surroundings see the ties that link this global evil together. Have you ever heard of Revival Inc?”

“No.”

“Of course not. She’s their pet project,” Mory said as if the words were poisonous.

“Mory, you wanted me to explain, so let me explain,” Reggie said. “Revival inc is the reason you were in the institute. They wanted to make a weapon out of you.”

“That doesn’t answer my question. Who are they?”

“Revival incorporate is a global organization. It’s everything and nothing at once,’ Mory said.

“Explain that, please?” I asked. They hesitated.

“95 percent of the current economy is in the hands of Revival inc. The organisation has a say in every government. This means it has power over everything. Production of food and materials, the banking system, the armies, the police, the prison systems, education, all media including the internet.. Everything is in their hands, but it’s impossible to proof. They hide their ties to everything very well,’ Mory explained.

“And the Network does what?”

“We don’t think it’s right for one organization to have so much power. We are the resistance. We want an economy that isn’t dependant on and influenced by one organization alone and that’s why we stand up against the oppression of Revival inc,” Reggie said proudly. I stared at them, not entirely sure what to do with this information. It was a noble cause to want to bring down this apparently invisible evil company, but what did that have to do with me? I still didn’t know why they had broken me out.

“Why did you break me out?” I asked, repeating the question I had asked before.

“To hit them where it hurts,” Mory said. Reggie gave her a look.

“To free you out of the hands of your torturers. When we found out what they were doing in the institutes to you and the other projects we knew we had to do something.” Mory’s reaction sounded way more genuine.

“And what happens to me now you’ve done that?” I asked.

“We hope you’ll join us in our war against Revival inc. We’ve freed the other five Noa projects during the past year and they all decided to join our cause.” They both looked so sure I was going to join them, but all I heard was the word war echoing through my head. It sounded like they wanted to turn me into a weapon, just as the institute had wanted.

“What happens if I don’t join?” I asked. They gave me a surprised look. “I am thankful you freed me, but I don’t want to be a weapon in your war,” I clarified.

“It’s your war too, Five,” Reggie said.

“How so?”

“Like we said, the Noa project is a pet project of Revival inc. They made the Noa project and all the years of torture and abuse you went through possible. Without Revival inc you would have led a normal life,” Mory said. A normal life.. The idea alone was foreign. I suppose I had a normal life until the Noa project got me in their program. I used to live in a house on the edge of a forest. I used to have a family. I used to have a name. Those memories were of a different life. One without nightmares. I looked up to meet their gazes.

“What would my role be in the Network?” They looked relieved I asked the question. As if it meant I had made a decision already.

"We would put you in a team with the other Noa projects. They’re almost done with their training, so you’d only get the last two weeks of newbie training before we’ll put you on your first missions. These missions really can be anything. Blowing up buildings, gaining information undercover, breaking into buildings for information or materials, breaking our people out of prison, abducting or killing high officials,” Reggie summed up.

“Sounds dangerous,” I said. Mory nodded.

“It is,” she dead-panned.

“Once again, what happens when I don’t join?” They gave each other a look I couldn’t quite read, but at least the relief was gone.

“We’d set you up with an apartment and a job and you wouldn’t hear from us again,” Reggie said. A job and an apartment. Freedom. It sounded too good to be true.

“Isn’t Revival Inc looking for me? If we’re such an important project to them, wouldn’t it be dangerous for me to live out in the open?” I asked. Reggie shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“You wouldn’t hear from us again, but we’d always have to watch you, yes, until our goals were met. To keep you safe,” he said eventually. I sighed. Of course. It didn’t feel right to put my trust into the Network and the people in front of me. They could be part of the institute for all I knew. The other option was to have these people watch me as I spent my time pretending to be normal in the outside world. I could either fight, or I could hide and pretend I wanted to live that way. Fighting seemed the best choice here, as at least then I would be able to keep an eye on these people for now. I could always try to escape in the future.

“Alright. There is one thing I want to make clear before I join. I am not your weapon. You don’t control me and as soon as you try I step out. Do we have a deal?” Their surprise only lasted a second, before their relief set in again.

“Of course,” Reggie said thankfully.

“Now what do we do?” I asked.

“We do nothing yet. Mory will bring you to meet your team and get you installed in your new home. Welcome to the Network.” His watch beeped and as he looked on it he cursed. “I’m afraid I have to leave. I’ll come back tomorrow and we’ll talk then.” Reggie shook my hand and walked out of the room in a hurry.

“For a moment there I was afraid you wouldn’t join,” Mory said as she got up.

“You didn’t give me much choice.” She frowned, but then just shrugged it off.

“Want to see your new home?”

3

I had to choose a name before meeting up with Reggie the next morning. That was the assignment Mory had given me after she had told me to settle in my room. We had spent over an hour walking through the corridors of the Star. I had found multiple different escape routes already.

The building was huge. It had two main wings. The east wing and the west wing. The east wing was the biggest. It had a dozen meeting rooms, two training rooms the size of a football field, a fitness room, a pool, a weapons room and loads of other facilities.

The west wing was smaller and was meant for housing people. There was a dinner room, a kitchen, a library, a common room and twelve bedrooms. There was a bathroom connected to every two rooms.

Six of the rooms were now occupied. I hadn’t seen the other Noa projects yet. They had special training and wouldn’t be back until five in the morning. By then I had to have a name.

Project Noa Five was the name the scientists had given me. They named me as their property and I wasn’t theirs anymore. The only problem was that I couldn’t remember who I was before I was Project Noa Five. I couldn’t remember my own name. I had lost it within the years of abuse.

I got up again and tried the door more out of habit than anything else. Every night I would try to open the door in the institute purely to see if one night they might forget to lock it. They never did, but unlike that door, this door did open. I felt my mouth pop open in surprise, but quickly recovered. Of course I could open it. I was free now. I could go wherever I wanted now. That idea sent butterflies through my stomach, which I quickly suppressed with the thought that I still wasn’t sure this was real. It didn’t feel real. As if I had stepped into a different world.

I silently opened the door further and walked into the common room that connected all twelve rooms together. A few table lamps gave off a soft light. The room was filled with signs of life. It wasn’t exactly messy, but there were things everywhere. A book lay open on the couch, there was a forgotten glass on the table, half burned candles, a pair of boots next to one of the doors. There were pictures, too. Pictures of the familiar faces of the other Noa projects. They were smiling, laughing, goofing off with each other.

Their new names were painted on their doors. James, Izaac, Julia, Tobias, Cale and Mory. Mory was a big part of the group. She had explained she was the link between the Network and the Noa projects. She helped to break us out and trained us to be able to go on missions for the Network.

Between the rooms of Mory and Cale there was one unpainted door left. Mine. I sat down on one of the comfortable couches and stared at the empty spot until I fell asleep.

I woke up to the sound of someone hushing someone else.

“Oh, now look what you’ve done! You woke her up, you idiot!” a girl yelled. She was tall with rough red hair reaching to her shoulders and brown eyes. The guy she was yelling at was grinning ear to ear.

“It’s five AM. She would have woken up anyway, since she’s probably still in the sleep rhythm of the institute,” he said. He looked a lot like the girl. The same eyes and jaw. His hair was short and brown however, and he didn’t have a nose piercing like she did. They were both covered in dirt stains and smelled like they had taken a swim in fresh cow manure.

“You are the siblings,” I said in recognition. The girl was Project Noa Two, the guy Project Noa Four. They both got in and apparently out the project before I did. The guy held out his hand.

“Tobias, and this is my lovely sister Cale. What name did you choose?” They gave me an expectant look.

“I don’t have a name yet.” Two almost identical surprised faces.

“Why not?” Cale asked.

“I can’t think of any.” Tobias gave me a once over, stroking his chin and squinting his eyes.

“You look like an Eloisa to me.” Cale rolled her eyes.

“I don’t think so. She’s more of a Hannah to my opinion.”

“No, Cale. It’s Jessica.”

“Caitlyn.”

“No. Juliette,” Tobias suggested. Cale shook his head at him.

“Seriously? Toby. Seriously? Her name is obviously Maxine. I mean-”

“Max,” I said. The name felt right.

“Ha, told you!” Cale said euphorical.

“Doesn’t count,” Tobias yelled. His sister stuck her tongue out to him. Mory’s door opened.

“Are you guys serious? I asked you to come home silently. You know what that means?” she said glaring.

“Silently. Adverb. The absence of sound. Good morning to you, too. Mory,” Tobias said smiling. She glared at him.

“Go shower you two. I can smell the stink all the way up here,” she said before shutting the door.

“That’s not the way to get her to like you, you know,” Cale said grinning. Tobias rolled his eyes and turned to me.

“Nice meeting you, Max. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to shower. I’ll see you at dinner.” He walked towards his room. Cale gave me a smile.

“Nice to meet you. Looks like we share our bathroom together. I’m going to shower. I’ll see you later.” I nodded and watched as she too disappeared behind her door. I quickly went into my room and sat down on the bed. I wasn’t ready to meet the other Noa projects yet.

4

Tobias was right. I still lived in the sleeping schedule of the institute. We woke up at five, had breakfast shoved into our rooms at ten past five and showered at half past five. After that we went into a full day of testing and training. Tests could be anything, from them probing into our bodies from every angle possible to pushing our heads under water every ten seconds until we passed out.

Training meant we were either pushed to our limits until we passed out or we had to fight. I was a good fighter. I picked techniques up quickly. Fighting helped me control my emotions. One of the few things I had any control over.

I waited until I heard all doors open and shut. When I was sure the other Noa projects were in their rooms I got out and sat down in the same spot where the siblings had found me. I could hear faint whispers coming from Izaac’s room.

“Food?” Mory asked as she seemed to come out of nowhere. I had to suppress the urge to recoil my hand as she handed me a bowl of cereal to me and accidentally touched my hand. I didn’t like to be touched.

“How did you know I was awake?” I asked, trying to shrug off the scare she gave me.

“You all are this early the first week.”

“So what are we going to do today?” I asked after taking a few bites.

“As soon as Reggie is here we’re going to test your skills and afterwards I’m taking you into the city.”

“Tests?” I could feel myself going pale.

“Oh! No, not those kind of tests. It’s just running on treadmills and swimming a few laps. We want to know how much training you need before we can send you on missions. Nothing big,” Mory reassured me. I suddenly didn’t feel like eating anymore and put my bowl on the table. Mory sighed.

“It will get better soon enough, I promise.”

Mory kept true to her word. The moment Reggie came in she gave me training clothes and a bathingsuit. They took a few basic fitness tests which I passed easily, except swimming. I wasn’t a strong swimmer. I never had to train that particular skill. Even though everything was done at my own pace it still reminded me of the institute. I just went through the motions.

Mory and Reggie had left me alone to get dressed. Mory wanted to take me into the city so I could familiarize myself with the streets. I had to be able to find the way back to the Star from any point in the city.

I had just tied my shoelaces when the door smashed open and two people crashed in. They were kissing and losing clothes, fast. They didn’t seem to notice me in their embrace.

“You don’t want to do that,” I said when she was about to pull her bra off. They froze and stared. He was tall, dark skinned and above all he looked very strong. She was Asian and small. Even so she still looked like she could easily kill a guy with her little pinky.

“You must be Max,” she said without batting an eyelash. “I’m Julia. This is Izaac. Nice to meet you, now please leave.”

“Julia, that’s rude,” Mory said as she walked in.

“We were having a moment,” Julia defended herself. Izaac picked his sweater up, that had landed only five inches from me. He looked a bit embarrassed by the situation.

“You guys have had a moment in every single room of this building,” Mory said. She helped me up. “Come on Max, don’t want to mess up our lovebirds’ moment.”

“Sorry,” Izaac whispered as I passed him. Mory let the door slam shut behind her.

“Well at least you’ve met almost the whole gang now. Only one more to go,” she said in a sigh. I followed her silently. She suddenly turned and faced me.

“Dear me, you’re like a scared animal. You’re safe, stop being so tense. It’s giving me chills. If you’re going to look at everything like it might kill you any minute we’re not going to blend into the crowd.” She wasn’t wrong. It still felt like a lie. Just another test, just another trap for me to fall into. It couldn’t be true.

“You try living in the institute for as long as I have. See if you would be any different.”

“Fair enough,” she said as she pushed a door open and pulled me through. Suddenly we were standing in the middle of a bookstore.

“Come on, it’s going to rain soon and I want to at least find a decent coffee shop before it does.”

Toronto was huge. There were people everywhere. They owned the city, gave its building life. We had been walking for three hours, going from one important building to the next.

Mory was a good guide. She was quick, energetic and above all smart. I liked her even though she read me like an open book. I wasn’t an easy person to read, years of frustration under my scientists was proof of that. They couldn’t get a grip of the person I was. Even at my lowest point they couldn’t get into my head. I was thankful for that. Mory however seemed to have no trouble at all. It made me uncomfortable.

She was staring outside with an amused look. I was about to ask what was so interesting when the waitress put two cups of steaming hot coffee in front of us.

“Thanks.” The waitress walked off with a smile.

“You see the buildings surrounding us? They’re all part of Revival Inc. To the outside world this part of Toronto is nothing but the financial district, but in reality all the buildings together form one of three headquarters of Revival Inc. You’re bound to have to break into one of these buildings after you finish training.” She said it so off handedly. Just break into a building. No big deal. I just nodded and looked around, trying to imprint the buildings in my memory. We were almost inside the buildings of Revival Inc. Possibly close to the institute as well. I felt cold shivers run down my spine.

“If we’re this close to Revival Inc headquarters won’t I be recognized?” I asked suddenly highly aware of everyone in the cafe.

“A, we’re currently around 150 km from the institute. And B, the institute is level five security clearance. No one with level five security clearance is going to be sitting in this coffeeshop without at least four bodyguards. Do any of the people here look like they’re that important?” she asked. I shook my head.

“Even the guards have level five security clearance?” I asked.

“Level six. Only the best to protect a bunch of scientists against a few almost powerless teens.” She took a sip of her coffee and smiled. “I love fresh coffee don’t you?”

The whole way back it rained. I wasn’t complaining though. It was the first rain since they locked me up in the institute more than ten years ago. I just let it soak my clothes. Mory was walking next to me under an umbrella, shaking her head or rolling her eyes at me every few minutes.

“You’re going to catch a cold,” she said for the fourth time.

“Worth it.” She shook her head again and opened her mouth to speak again, but was cut off short by a guy running up to us from the other side of the street, yelling her name.

“Well, that’s convenient. Max, you’re about to meet the last member of our team.” The guy came to a halt in front of us.

“Max, meet James. James, this is Max. Project Noa Five.” James bowed for me.

“Pleasure to meet you, Max,” he said, still slightly out of breath. Now I knew who he was I recognized him.

“Nice to meet you, too.” I hadn’t seen him in at least two years. He had changed a lot in that time. I remembered him as an insecure teen with wild blonde curls and tired blue eyes. He looked more secure of himself now. He was taller, too.

“Where are you lovely ladies going? Home?” he asked as we started walking again.

“We’ve walked around Toronto for five hours. I think that is quite enough for today. My feet hurt and I’m tired as hell,” Mory said. I didn’t feel tired at all. In the institute they had us up on our feet for 36 hours regularly.

“How sad. Should I call Tobias to give you a foot massage?” James asked teasingly. Mory turned bright red. Apparently everyone knew of Tobias’ feelings towards Mory. The rain had stopped by then.

“So, Cale, what do you think of Toronto so far? Lovely city isn’t it?” I nodded.

“It’s beautiful. Vibrant.” James nodded.

“Indeed it is.”

“What where you doing in town? Didn’t you need to sleep last night off?” Mory asked. James shook his head.

“I had a coffee date. Wonderful girl. Very pretty. Very stupid.” He made a face.

“That’s what you get when you pick random girls up in the bookstore.”

“Smart girls go to bookstores. Smart girls buy books. At least I thought they did,” he exclaimed. The way they talked to each other, joked, teased. They were so comfortable around each other and in their surroundings. It was so different from what I was used to. Mory didn’t even try to go up into the crowd. She just was there. Same with James. They didn’t check their surroundings every two seconds on possible threats or almost jump out of their skin when there was a sudden sound. Mory patted James on his shoulder with mock pity.

“Oh, how hard it must be for you. So pretty and yet you’re still single. I’m so sorry for your pain.”

“Do you blame me? I mean Julia and Izaac are having intercourse everywhere and you and Tobias have been making googly eyes at each other for ages. I’m done with being alone.” We got to the bookstore by now.

“Cale is single, too,” Mory pointed out.

“Yes, because I’d really want a relationship with her,” he said with something that sounded a whole lot like disgust.

“What’s wrong with Cale?” I asked. They both started looking uncomfortable, avoiding my gaze. The girl I had met that morning seemed like a nice person. A bit forward maybe, but that seemed to be a trait everyone of the team possessed.

“You will find out soon enough,” James said. Mory opened the door to The Star by pressing a code into the small box next to the door.

“Time to get some food. I’m starving,” Mory said. James nodded.

“Me too.” I just walked after them, analyzing everything I had seen of Cale so far. Nothing hinted towards her being a bad person. Julia was the person I had the worst first impression of so far, and that was based off three minutes of conversation. If there was one thing I had learned in my life it was not to trust on the first impression you got from people. People tend to overcompensate for their personality when meeting a new person, to make them like them or to scare them away.

[pamuisash]

what i did.

Hey! So, I decided to do something different and just talk with yall bc it’s been awhile since I last posted. I want to talk about stuff I’ve been doing the past month that we have quarantine. I live in the Philippines and we currently have Quarantine here, General Community Quarantine in my city to be specific. So rules are a bit loose but it is still very strict and aware. The past month of March and April is has alot going on for me, but I don’t really like mind since I never really do anything whilst on vacation. And yes, our school usually ends in late March so this rlly is our vacation rn but know that it’s almost the end of May we have to settle with what to do for the next school year, which is concerning for me because I still haven’t decided on which school to go for the next school year. Anyways, with all that here is the stuff that I have been doing for the past couple of months that I am stuck at home! (Not necessarily in order)

March: 

Passing requirements

The usual stuff you know, it came abruptly and it’s almost the end of the school year. We were really just mostly preparing on an end of the year performance for the whole school, but it got cancelled due to the virus. And so, we got our exams cancelled and we just have to pass some final requirements in our school. And it’s kind of the hellish parts of this quarantine well for me cuz we were supposed to pass a major project back in February, but we missed the deadline and so we kept pushing and pushing it til March, I’m even thankful at this point because our professor still accepted that project of ours even if it’s already vacation...

Studio Ghibli Binge

When I found out around February I think that Netflix is going to release all of the Studio Ghibli movies, I immediately begged my mom to get back our netflix account just so I could watch them. And I’m glad I did because I was now able to watch some rlly good movies I’ve been wanting to watch for a long time, and I currently have watched 12 movies at this point. I remember watching my first studio ghibli movie at 8th grade, yes. and it was The Red Turtle which I highly recommend btw (I don’t think it’s in netflix tho) but yea, It made me hit the brakes on wanting to watch Studio Ghibli. I would tell you my current favorite, but I still haven’t watched all of them so I’m still not sure

April:

One Month Meditation

This thing was inspired by Matt D’Avella who was doing some one month challenges himself (I recommend you check those stuff out) and so back in February during classes I also thought of some 1 month stuff I could do during the vacation and listed them out. With vacation going on, I picked the Meditation one, because I miss meditating and it’s been awhile that I am able to wake up early in the morning and meditate. How did the challenge go you ask? Well, it not went well, because I wasn’t really able to get my own quiet time with so many people at home preventing them to do work and stuff. I would try to do this challenge again, with more discipline hopefully

Devotion: Book of Mark

I remember being able to join a group as part of our retreat, cuz I really like the place that we held our retreat in. We were in a call together with our group leader and talking about stuff and apparently we’re all doing devotion together. So our leader asked us if we could do a devotion of the whole chapter of Mark in the bible, one chapter a day. and we all agreed to it. Coincidentally, Holy week came around and it was like a little refresher for me during Holy week which was nice to think about every once in a while. 

Studying Photoshop

This is something that I’ve never really took the time to do, but I actually planned on doing, but didn’t end up being wholeheartedly passionate about it. So I ended up not doing it and slacking off anyway, I do want to focus on this type of thing when I get the hang of it, because graphic design is one the life skills that I really want to obtain. 

Studying Korean

This is the one thing I definitely focused on. The thing is I already knew how to read Korean from a young age, but never rlly took the time to actually understand what their saying. So I started studying, it is VERY SLOW.  I use the website howtostudykorean.com and it teaches in units and lessons and each lesson is about 5 topics. It was a very slow pace, because I am currently on Unit 1 Lesson 5 but I am getting the hang of learning Korean for an hour almost everyday. Is it because I miss learning in an actual school? probably.

A Commonplace Book

I actually started this thing around early January when I’m collecting little trinkets and paper stuff that I want to keep, so I decided to put them all in a book. Though it’s not an actual commonplace book, I just keep random quotes and stuff and I try to find stuff to fill that book everyday. I do read books, but not as much as I do back then. 

Sketching 

Just drawing in general. I guess I was bored at the time, and I’ve taken a liking to art, so why not make some myself? Well, just small sketches here and there. I really wanna learn drawing mostly about clothes and body anatomy so I tend to focus on that. I find sketching a really relaxing activity for me, so I do this to keep me calm or when I’m just plain bored.

Reading

As I’ve said before, I started reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert and now I’m finished! I have stopped because most of the books I own at this point are mostly fiction books, and I would like to keep more self help books next time. I learned alot when I read this book and it made me want to step out and get creative. I highly recommend because not only does it teach you a thing or two about creativity, it talks about some stuff that isn’t being usually talked about when it comes to creativity, hard work and how it all ties together. 

Mystic Messenger

Yes. Don’t ask. Who am I kidding go ahead! I have known mystic messenger for a long time, but I haven’t really actually played this game til this April. I’d like to say that I thoroughly enjoyed each and every part of it and would love to play more, though I don’t have enough hourglasses to continue 

May: 

Animal Crossing Pocket Camp

OMAYGUDNESS DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED WITH THIS GAME. It all really started at the beginning of quarantine. Where everyone is getting hyped up because the new Animal Crossing game came out right after they implemented quarantine. So my broke self can't afford switch was kinda sad about it but then the days moved on. I ended up watching gaming videos of animal crossing and looking for some memes that I can share with my friends. One day, my best friend told me that Animal Crossing has a mobile game and I am floored. Of course I went on the internet to search and low and behold there is Animal Crossing Pocket Camp. But then I checked, and it wasn't available to download on my country, but I figured out a way to do so and have now been addicted ever since!

Catching Up on Anime 

Hun you have no idea how many series have I started but ended up not finishing because of school! I was rlly planning on catching up on both the Ghibli and the Anime but that didn't work (I ain't even finished with the Studio Ghibli stuff up to now) I would like to make a list but that would be too many...The one series that I have been aching to watch though is called Beastars and I was so happy that Netflix has put it back on it's list of series!