#I hope everything makes sense I rly spent time on these since the topics actually matter

[inchidentally]

I've got a few asks that are all actually roughly under the same umbrella in terms of my replies - and be aware I've had to get way more serious then usual so pls skip if you're not here for that <3

mmmmm yea you can feel as you want anon but I personally am not going to want to parallel that relationship with Oscar and Lily's. my main cause when it comes to wives and girlfriends is that they all deserve to be protected against rampant, casual misogyny in fandom spaces. but also to not to project any reflected good will onto her boyfriend or husband simply because he's the boyfriend or husband. and there's so much about the 2000s drivers that makes me hope that at least some of their behavior isn't being carried on with the current younger guys on the grid :///

also just as a reminder: I was raised by intersectional feminists and I've witnessed what even supposedly "loving" het relationships can do to people who identify as women* - so I'm never going to be rooting for heterosexual relationships as far as women are concerned. I'm not overly prejudiced and I fully support any woman's choices for herself - and I don't have the smallest delusion that I have a right to an opinion on those choices <3 but equally I'm not going to lie to myself that women don't statistically always lose or sacrifice something of themselves when they become a partner to a man and that the man loses and sacrifices nothing - and if he makes the most basic effort he's praised as a god among men. especially not a man who's career has and will always take priority over his relationship and especially if the woman has to navigate or alter her life to deal with the man's profession, public image or his fanbase. I will always want women to pursue life on their own terms without men in any way dragging them down or altering their lives - that's just my opinion and it's fine if others disagree or hopefully project onto those relationships for any reason. so far, to me, the only driver's relationships that seem at all truly balanced and not negatively affecting or requiring compromises of the women that the man doesn't have to repay, are Lily and Alex and Melissa and Nando - and while I don't know much about them probably Tiffany and Valtteri. those women were already fully adults when they met these guys and would be able to leave the relationships whenever they want without having their own individual lives and incomes affected or altered in any way. I do not see any excuse for a woman to be in a relationship in any other way or with any further sacrifice and especially not because of a man, who will always enjoy economic and social power above hers.

*I know this is a whole unique point but as far as I'm concerned identifying as a woman is how I'm referring to women at any time. TERFs DNI.

-

ok so I've heavily edited these next two bc my blog is not the place to get into All That and I don't want to bring stress and negativity to moots

I think the funniest part of this rumor is how everyone's been asking for a screen recording of this and absolutely no one can produce anything other than one screencap of Rebecca at one brief time offering subscription content with no explanation for what - and that was something all models and influencers did for a while to make some money when a bunch of platforms screwed over their engagement. everyone's just running with this as if it's anyting and wtfff you're saying all she was offering were 'pictures of Carlos from the back' LIKE BFFR what are y'all even saying here ??? who was being robbed what crime was committed how is this even worth remembering ??? the reach being rought!!

but on the serious side, I'm gonna need all of you to sit yourselves in a quiet place and start taking this spontaneous and erratic morality that magically shows up when women are involved and start actually applying it to your pookie bears in F1. because not only does Carlos and the rest of the grid exploit the media, fans and sponsorships for cash, gifts, engagement and popularity - they also endorse and personally directly fund and engage with entire companies and individuals who actively perpetuate and uphold the absolute gutter of amorality and social iniquity that is the foundation of this whole sport !!

like here you guys are hunting for any tiny scrap of something to further the prejudice that these wives and girlfiends are not your ideas of Perfect Pure Sainted Angels - meanwhile you're looking at hugely problematic words and actions from your favorite driver and literally assuming that they've suddenly "had a change of heart" or are "better people now" based on ???? nothing ???? and THEN you start hoping that the girlfriend or wife is "good for him" or that she won't "be bad for him" I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind since when does a girl or woman over the age of 15 think that rich, powerful white men in hugely problematic fields of work are the ones being cruelly corrupted by the women they personally choose to date ??? if these men are shitheads then they did it all on their own babes !!

and I have to assume that even die hard Carlos fans on here are aware of how he's very much not perfect and that anyone sensible has to admit that unless he made the decision to publicly and loudly make a statement to the contrary then all of his opinions and affiliations are the same. you can absolutely compartmentalize these guys - we all do! - in order to like certain things about them or engage in content about them, but nobody should be out here so woman-hating as to take nothing of substance and use it to award these men virtues that have no foundation in reality. all while vilifying their wives and girlfriends over literally the smallest thing or making the most tenuous of connections to try and prove why they shouldn't be with your fave guy. or because while the men can fuck and cheat all they want, you've decided the women they date or marry have to conform to regressive ideas of female purity.

(just to clarify, the stuff I'm referring to "men" or "drivers" as doing is not specifically referring to Carlos or one man in particular but about the wider issue of double standards between drivers and their girlfriends and wives)

so a wife or gf of a man with an all-consuming career that involves her altering her life and plans to go all over the world just to be with him, decides to do exactly what he does and utilize a fanbase and popularity for gain? suddenly she's an evil conniving witch capable of manipulating and controlling poor widdle rich, white, powerful, influential man !! even though he dumps women and cheats on women whenever he wants and doesn't face a single bit of criticism for fans' perceptions of problems in his relationships but oh he's just a helpless hard-working victim who is nobly doing his dream job that his one percenter family and/or social status and/or race and gender made completely effortless for him and how DARE his wife or girlfriend get any of the financial benefit from a field of sports where women are so hated that even the most powerful woman is publicly accused by the highest authority in the sport of collusion based on nothing more than one gossip columnists lie !!

I could go so fucking far about how the women these men date and marry have been socially groomed from birth to be beautiful and silently supportive of their man and told they're not good enough or smart enough to succeed in a "serious" business environment - and that the drivers conveniently always end up with beautiful women who suffer at the hands of his fans who blame women for how men treat them all while he says nothing so as not to upset his base of support - then fuck it, let them all sell you people subscriptions for pictures of the drivers! let them scrape even a tiny fraction off the top of this imbalanced and unfair socioeconomic dynamic compared to the huge, unearned kickbacks and handshakes that make these men so effortlessly successful and rich. you can see those subscriptions as payment on your part for spreading rumors and hate about women and using double standards.

the rich famous man will NOT change his life to either fit your rpf ship - or to stay single so that you can continue your parasocial relationship with him uninterrupted - or choose a woman based on who you deem to be an appropriate self-insert. no matter how many rumors you believe or spread or how often you post content hating on his partner, his choice will not be affected by you. so keep those delusions and misogyny to yourself - or at least away from my blog and inbox !

honestly anon, I've already known the content of all of your messages over the past few months and I'm choosing the least offensive one for a reason to post (edited ofc so no one can accuse me of slander or whatever)

listen: if I was at all saying that Carlos is unproblematic or publicly promoting him in any way then I'd absolutely deserve what you're saying. but for myself personally, Carlos is part of am f1blr specific hyperfixation where I stay on my blog and write stupid narratives using drivers for fun. I'm not contributing anything to his overall fanbase or giving him any of my financial or personal support. I stick to fandom spaces only and not any platform that the drivers or anyone in wider F1 circles use.

and the thing is that not only would it be putting the burden of his problematicness on me if I were to post your asks bc I alone would have to answer for them, it would also probably just be informing people of what's fully and easily available to find elsewhere. everyone I mutually follow and most people I see are fully aware that we're taking these men and for the most part using them for our own fanon rather than their actual reality. so for me to pick one driver and say look at these awful realities then I'd have to do that with all of them, including the drivers who are at all friendly with known problematic drivers and people. so while I totally understand if someone wants to kick all of F1 out of their fandom experience bc Men then jfc absolutely go for it. I'm not at all pretending that what I'm doing on my blog is worth the smallest shit! but me deciding to pick one driver out of all of them to put on blast would do nothing but make me a hypocrite and rightfully have people asking me why I don't talk about this or that driver too.

and quite frankly unless someone never supports with any male-majority content and solely focuses all of their time to intersectional feminist content then there ain't a leg to stand on to blast any other fanbase or focus on one particular person. it's fully fair to be critical! but not to get on a high horse if there's even one cishet man in your list of fandom things. honestly that could even be broadened in some cases to one cis man.

absolutely, take the truth to people who are out there on public platforms trying to claim that any of these drivers are saints and perfect humans where they could potentially be recruiting to a fanbase using false narratives and covering up problematic behavior. but ask yourself if you're time is best spent mostly attacking women and girls in fanbases over this or going right to the comments and tags that squarely target the men themselves.

but on here I've got to kind of assume we all know what the score is and nobody's in denial that these are mere Rich Powerful Men and none of them deserves our actual serious allegiance yk ??? I feel like we're all aware this is us having fun and we're all accepting that while we can block and blacklist tags based on personal preferences, none of us in f1blr who likes a male driver can pretend to be superior to liking a different one. at best they're better at keeping their mouths shut but they also permit and overlook a LOT. and yes, that includes Lewis even though my god he has a gigantic lead on the rest in terms of progressive actions and deeds compared to any other man in F1. and that while he still has unaddressed problematic associations and behavior, all of us white fans need to be fucking vigilant of going after him if we're not fully going ten times harder on the white drivers.

[quranreadalong]

SLIGHT PROBLEM: NO ONE KNOWS HOW THE ISLAMIC AFTERLIFE WORKS

So. Last time we read this, in reference to the evil pharaoh of the Exodus story.

Allah warded off from [Moses] the evils which they plotted, while a dreadful doom encompassed Pharaoh's folk, The Fire; they are exposed to it morning and evening; and on the day when the Hour upriseth (it is said): Cause Pharaoh's folk to enter the most awful doom.

The pharaoh and his underlings are currently being tortured, before the Day of Judgement, at which time they will... be tortured even more.

This is our first taste of the poorly-attested, barely-understood, but nonetheless mostly agreed-upon concept of adhab al-qabr, literally the “torment of the grave”. This is not a concept that is mentioned in the Quran, beyond the ayah above, but it is found in several ahadith.

You see, Islam has the same problem as Christianity with regards to the whole afterlife thing--the Day of Judgement is meant to sort people into heaven and hellbound categories, but there are stories within both religions indicating that people are punished or rewarded long before this day. Maybe early Muslims didn’t care much about this topic because they believed that the Day of Judgement was approaching fast. Mohammed enjoyed scaring his followers by indicating that the day was getting close, as we’ve seen in the Quran itself. But, uh, that didn’t happen. And so here we are around 1400 years later, and the question of what happens to people’s souls between their deaths and their resurrection at the end of the world has become increasingly pertinent.

Islamic tradition largely holds that this period takes place in a metaphysical realm, time, or just a condition called barzakh, meaning “barrier” (between life and the “actual” afterlife). The word comes from this line in surah 23:

behind them is a barrier until the day when they are raised

Now, tbh, this just says the barrier is behind them, meaning the dead can’t come back to life (Unless Allah Willeth, etc). As we’ve seen multiple times now, Mohammed said that on the Day of Judgement, the disbelievers will beg Allah for a second chance at life and he’ll tell them to fuck off into hell. It’s usually implied that this is their first conscious experience after death. In fact, throughout the Quran, we’re made to believe that people won’t even notice that any time has passed between their deaths and resurrection. The doomed disbelievers who are raised on the Day of Judgement say they were “sleeping” while in their graves, which is odd if they spent the entirety of their time there being tortured, either physically or spiritually (no one knows if the torture is meant to be inflicted upon their bodies or just their souls).

Regardless, the reason why barzakh is a thing is because both the Quran and the ahadith refer to people enduring torment before the end of the world, and scholars needed to come up with some sort of theological explanation for this. Barzakh was the nearest equivalent, so they went with that (though what “barzakh” actually meant varied within the first two centuries of Islam).

In the barzakh realm/time/whatever after death, people will be subjected to two fates: punishment and reward, similar to the Christian theological idea of “particular judgement” preceding the final judgement (which was also debated among different sects of Christians, with some saying that the dead were just unconscious until they were resurrected). The punishment is for wrongdoers, and is the adhab al-qabr in question. A hadith assures us that this is a real thing, and perhaps tells us where Mohammed got the concept from.

There came to me two old women from the old Jewesses of Medina [who] said: The people of the grave are tormented ... He (the Prophet) said: They told the truth; they would be tormented (so much) that the animals would listen to it. She ('A'isha) said: Never did I see him (the Holy Prophet) afterwards but seeking refuge from the torment of the grave in prayer.

The torment of the grave is clearly distinguished from the torment of hell in other very reputable ahadith--so there is a definite basis for the concept, despite its absence from the Quran itself. A variety of other ahadith flesh out the concept. First of all, that line about animals hearing it was apparently meant to be taken literally:

The Messenger of Allah went out after the sun had set, and heard a sound. He said '(It is) Jews being tormented in their graves.’

As for the disbeliever or the hypocrite, it is said to him (in his grave): 'What did you say about this man (Mohammed)?' He says: 'I do not know; I used to say what the people said (ie, he is an idiot moron).' It is said to him (by the angels): 'You did not understand and you did not follow those who had understanding.' Then he is dealt a blow between his ears and the man utters a scream which everything near him hears, except for the two races (humans and jinn).''

Even dead Jews bothered Mohammed. Christ.

Secondly, the “sins” that cause you to be tormented range in severity from disbelief all the way down to............. uh...

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) happened to pass by two graves and said: They (their occupants) are being tormented, but they are not tormented for a grievous sin. One of them [gossiped] and the other did not keep himself safe from being defiled by urine. He then called for a fresh twig and split it into two parts, and planted them on each grave and then said: Perhaps, their punishment way be mitigated as long as these twigs remain fresh.

...not changing your nasty-ass urine-stained clothes. Nice of Mohammed to have pity on that guy, though. This indicates that some of the torment of the grave can be lessened by the actions of the living, though why putting an object on someone’s grave accomplishes this is A Mystery Of Allah.

Whether Muslims will be subjected to any of this torture is unclear. A hadith suggests they will not.

“Allah will keep firm those who believe, with the word that stands firm.” [14:27] This has been revealed concerning the torment of the grave. It will be said to him: ‘Who is your Lord?’ He will say: ‘My Lord is Allah, and my Prophet is Muhammad.’

(It’s said in less-reputable stories that angels named Munkar and Nakir are responsible for asking these questions, sometimes with a third angel named Ruman thrown in. They are generally depicted as very scary looking in order to frighten people.)

As for those Muslims who get to experience their pre-Day-of-Judgement rewards, it’s... also unclear what happens to them. Islamic scholars sometimes point to this verse from back in the third surah, following the Battle of Uhud, as a reference to barzakh:

And never think of those who have been killed in the cause of Allah as dead. Rather, they are alive with their Lord, receiving provision, Rejoicing in what Allah has bestowed upon them of His bounty, and they receive good tidings about those [to be martyred] after them who have not yet joined them - that there will be no fear concerning them, nor will they grieve.

And in a hadith, it’s said that these dead soldiers are turned into green birds who live in jannah... presumably temporarily, so they can enjoy their lady-lovin’ rewards later. But both the hadith and the Quran make it clear that Muslims who die while waging jihad (in addition to prophets etc) are given express tickets to heaven itself... they’re not in some in-between state. So this can’t be barzakh or the good equivalent of the torment of the grave. I mean, it can, if you want to connect the two badly enough, but it doesn’t make much sense.

So some Islamic scholars proposed more modest rewards. After satisfactorily answering the angels’ questions, they say, dead Muslims in their graves will get a sneak peek into jannah, filling them with hope and tiding them over until the Day of Judgement. The grave itself will be made spacious and well-lit for them, then they can sleep peacefully. (“Wow this is rly helpful!!!” - guy who has been dead for 800 years and is now a femur bone and some ashes.)

The sneak peek hadith linked above basically states that people will know whether they’re going to hell or heaven right after answering the questions, though, so why does the Quran show the disbelievers being shocked when they’re sentenced to hell? What’s even the point of the Day of Judgement when they’ve already received judgement? Why bother with the bridge thing and all the dramatics? Lo! It is a mystery. Then again, Allah judges everyone before they’re even born, so I guess it makes just as much sense as everything else in this religion, which is to say none at all.

At the end of the day, what we really have here is a disconnect between the Quran itself and the ahadith, which does happen every now and then. Nothing in the Quran beyond this one line clearly says that dead people will be doing or experiencing anything other than... being dead, with the exception of those granted Instant Jannah. But the ahadith make it abundantly clear that this is not the case. The ahadith referencing this are very strong and can’t be dismissed as later fabrications.

As for why this disconnect may have arisen in the first place, the hadith from Aisha perhaps suggests that Mohammed made adhab al-qabr a more central part of Islam only after he heard Jews in Medina talking about it a lot. Perhaps he himself didn’t fully understand how all of this was meant to work, since neither Jews nor Christians offered a solid, unified explanation for it, and he didn’t want to incorporate it into the Quran beyond this line. Or maybe he just needed to give his followers some extra motivation to keep following him--now they weren’t just risking torment in hell, but also torment before hell. I don’t know.

What I do know is that the concept of the torment of the grave, and a consciousness-after-death concept more broadly (even if only for a moment), has become an accepted part of Islam over the centuries despite its near-total absence from the Quran. Not everyone can agree on the exact nature of it all, since there really isn’t much material to base it upon, but most do agree that it is a thing. Somehow.

Anyway the real answer to this and many other theological mysteries is that Mohammed didn’t think all of this through clearly enough and so Islamic scholars had to try to fix his mistakes for several centuries. O well!

⇚ previous day | next day ⇛

[feverhalo]

Ok so. Big talky post about irl shit in all forms because why not & i feel bad leaving you all hanging so long on so much

Please dont r///ebl/////og and theres no pressure to read it or do anything in regards to this.

So. This covers like. So many topics. Grief and death and mental health being the biggest warnings for

Average news first. I still have my job and have been there officially for a year now! Pay rates are going up in my province, and thats a new solid reference should i need it any time soon. Theyre also beong really understanding and compromising(? Forgot theword i had originally) and letting me try new jobs/places to reduce stress

I found out yes, i am still allergic to peanut butter if the fact that i had really annoying stomach pain for h o u r s after eating a teeny tiny pb cookie is anything to go by. Didnt really pay attention to if i broke out on my sides or not because i was a little preoccupied with curling up tightly and feeling a little off the next day too. (I mean no duh what did i expect to happen but i mean. They smelled so good). Lesson learned.

Bad news

ive touched on but i dont think ever really said. Someone very very close to me passed in late summer and im still devistated and torn up and doing my denial/anger thing for the most part. Its. Not easy. But ive been going to see someone, admittedly its become a bit about everything when it was supposed to just be this, but i dont do death. When i was a kid and lost someone i shut down entirely and aside from angry outbursts and the occasional breakdown i tried my hardest to act like there was not and would never be a hole there. It didnt work well at all and im still affected by that person's passing too.

They were also one of the more supportive people in my life and i spent a lot of time reading and writing and creating in their company and its been hard.

And i know that im handling this a little better even though im still skipping out on things and blowing up and all the same sort of crap but i actually have a neutral space that wont feel marked or stained every day for processing and a neutral person to help.

And of course its not just grief im getting help with because its all kind of a tangled mess. But im also getting like. New insight on stuff and someone to talk to about whatever. And its making life quite a bit harder because im so used to blocking it out or locking myself away and letting things rush over and take over and run their course. Its been really hard to be creative because im incredibly self critical and having a lot more trouble focusing lately because of a lot of reasons.

Im stressed and overwhelmed a lot more easily and frequently right now. And i know im being distant even if it doesnt show. Im scared to kind of go along with this and open up and all that junk and now im being gently prodded to do so in short, honest (not just stuff i dont rly care about or stuff callously overshared to just pretend im being open) bursts its kind of freaking me out. But like. Itll all end up for something good i hope. Even though it feels awful right now and ive had stints of days or even a full week with supports on speed dial when i havent been able to calm down or shut off over thinking but thats- i mean i expect it. A lot is happening and ive known for years my coping strategies have been lacking.

Ive also been talking with this outside help and weve toyed with the idea of maybe i really do have add or at least my anxiety manifests similarly and its kind of a which came first- and this ties in to the next good part in a second- but i havent scheduled anything in my area for right now for those sorts of things but im still kind of getting new ideas from a different angle that might maybe help and if i dont then im learning things i still may be able to use. Either way its not a huge deal for the current moment and its a bit if trying to find compassion and acceptance for myself whether its thing a or b or neither but whatever

Good, great, best news!!

I have an in to starting the more physical process of transitioning. Like i have a day and a time and a start. Like really really really soon. Its going to be hard i know because im going to have to open up about things and will probably be told i have to wait until i can stablize a bit more- its been a lot happening in a short while. And i understand. I waited 2 years to hear from them, i waited a few years to reach out to them, and i unknowingly waited years to find new words that struck a chord and all that. So as long as its moving i can deal with the wait.

I have GOOD people (many i know and have known for years now who happen to work in an adjacent field, some who are new and yet to be met but have rly good references if that makes sense?) who are going to help me kind of navigate and understand and undo things i thought i learned that were honestly just veiled hate and scare tactic garbage. People who support me and dont push me past what i am comfortable with undergoing to "prove" anything (such as 'if you didnt do x right away youre lying/if you dont do y surgery first i wont believe you' kind of comments. I hope). Im looking into options and im so excited for it!!

Its going to involve a lot of talking about things and probably a lot i dont want to talk about just yet but its a great chance because it gets me officially connected and officially started and this place has more options than my town and more specialized crap that can detangle and work through all the connected things and it can all be lumped together as the same process and hopefully help financially that way- and time wise unbelieveably. Theres a very good chance ill be able to talk with someone there, and very likely that first appointment, who can help me understand why i work the way i do sometimes for whatever reason it is.

And im getting a lot of positivity and lessons like learning to give myself some slack where it matters and stuff like that. And that im not worthless or stained or going to rot other people- which is honestly uncomfortable for me to think because of how long ive thought the opposite. Like to think i may actually be pretty good like not pretend good and actually worth anything at all. Because i got stuck in bad thoughts since i was small.

Im also thinking on trying to go back to school because i have a lot i think about with nowhere to really put it and nothing to do which doesnt help me do the things i want to do. So maybe something like that would help because i like learning. I like the motions of it- writing and reading with intent to understand something new, the routine as much as i whined about it in highschool, the forced kind of proximity to people living apart from what i know entirely too so the world feels bigger in a tangible way. Thats on a back burner and waiting for sure! But the fact im thinking about it and happily thinking about it? I like that.

My life has been. Kind of a combination of bland as hell and busy if that makes sense. Ive had to sort of shut down outward productivity and cut down on things a bit because so much is going on, and im trying to do a lot as paced and as slowly as i can bear.

And even though im not Here here as much as i want to be and everything its just. Kind of time for this. And im so glad and happy that when i can be here i can see that people still like what ive done and theres always awesome content to see and yeah

Thanks for everything and checking in and i really really am looking forward to moving forward.