#I love this stupid(affectionate) little wyrm man

[weafurry]

For the send me a character thing, Pale King! :3

HEEEM! He. The wyrm man. the blorbo himself.

Sexuality headcanon: Pansexual

Gender headcanon: Pangender go brr (he does feel the most connection to male. But everything is still very much so there.)

A ship I have with said character: We all know, its Pale nightmare. Them <3

A BROTP I have with said character: Him and Ogrim. The best of friends. They are dorks, two dumbasses. /aff

A NOTP I have with said character: Him and The Radiance. Saw it once and that was enough. Never again. No thanks please.

Random headcanon: This kind of falls into headcanons of how void poisoning works as well but, oh well. His hands aren't the only thing that got messed up by void (ALSO. in terms of how exactly his hands are messed up, the nerves got pretty fucking fried so numbness + decrease in fine motor skills, there's also the surface level scarring in the form of stains and grooves) , His bodies temperature regulation also got FUCKED, so severe cold flashes and chills are a thing he has to deal with now. Chronic pain too, There's a lot more, but I'm still working out the specifics of void poisoning, how bad it gets, at what points, and how the symptoms differ between mortal bugs and higher beings. So there's some uncertainty there and I don't wanna say something that could change in the future (especially since the mechanics of void is probably one of if not my most detailed headcanons and I'm SUPER proud of it. Seriously I could talk about void for hours. I have become pk /j)

General Opinion over said character: I love him with every FIBER of my fucking being (thats only a slight exaggeration). The autism REALLY went brrr for this one. I am always rotating him in my head. 24/7 365 days a year. I could go on for HOURS about him. It annoys me SO MUCH how dirty the fandom did him tbh. He's SUCH a good character. I wish people would actually look at him instead of just going "hahaha buzzsaw and infanticide jokes go brrrrrr "

[southsidewrites]

The One with the Videotape || Sweet Pea x Reader

Summary: You and Sweet Pea get into a silly fight about who hit on who first, and the evidence is buried in a video that also contains your first time having sex.  Based on the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. episode of the same name.

Word Count: 5359

Warnings: language, mentions of sex

Author’s Note: This one was requested by so many people that I just had to do it.  It’s definitely one of my favorite episodes, too, so I hope I did it justice.  As always, if there’s an episode you really love and I haven’t written yet, feel free to send me a request! 

Read this fic on A03 or Below!

My Masterlist

“No, I love you more,” you murmured, brushing the hair away from Sweet Pea’s face and pressing a kiss into his lips.  Pressed up against him, you could feel his heart beating in his chest.  As you planted soft kissed around his lips, all you could think about was how lucky you were to have him.

“Are you sure, princess?  Because I think I love you more,” he replied, grinning widely and pulling you even closer to him on the couch.  You had been sitting at the Wyrm with your friends for hours, taking advantage of free drinks whole Toni bartended and getting more and more affectionate as the night went on.

“And I love you both the mostest of all,” Jughead said with a disgusted look as he plopped onto the couch next to you. “Disgusting.”

“I almost liked it better when they hated each other,” Betty added, hopping onto the wobbly, old pool table and tucking her legs underneath her.

“What, don’t want to sit with us, Cooper?” Sweet Pea asked, his fingertips still digging into your hips.

She made a face and shook her head. “I’m good over here.”

Fangs laughed, kicking his feet up on an extra barstool as Toni brought over another round of drinks. “I still don’t get how this even happened.  I mean, you guys went from not liking each other, to sort of being friends, and now you’re basically fucking on the couch in the Wyrm.  I just don’t see how that works.”

“None of us do,” Toni sighed, pulling up and empty seat and twisting the cap off her beer. “I’m betting their hormones just got the best of them one day.”

“Ha, ha,” you intoned. “Funny, guys.”  You slid off Sweet Pea’s lap and onto the open spot between him and Jughead.

“But really?” Betty asked. “How did it happen?”

“And how many times did it happen?” Fangs asked with a sly grin.

“Dear Lord,” you sighed.  Trying not to smile, you took Sweet Pea’s hand in yours. “I suppose if you really want to know, though, it’s not that interesting of a story.”  

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don’t want your commentary, Y/N,” Fangs said. “I just want the details.  How’d it go down?”

“Well, it was about three months before Betty and Jughead’s wedding,” you started. “So, like, six months ago, and I had just gotten off work.  When I got back to the apartment, Pea was there because he had been hanging out with Fangs or something.”

Fangs grinned at Sweet Pea. “You’re welcome, man.”

Sweet Pea rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, thanks.”

“Anyways,” you resumed. “I had a ton of stuff to get done, and Sweet Pea offered to help me out.  We had a little wine, started talking, and out of nowhere, he started hitting on me.”

Sweet Pea laughed. “Oh come on, that’s a little misleading, babe.”

“What do you mean?”

“That I came on to you,” he replied, looking confused. “That’s a little misleading.”

“No, it’s not,” you argued, giving him a pointed look. “You totally instigated.”

“Now, that’s just false, babe,” he replied, his lips pressing into a tight line. “It was absolutely you.  Whatever, though.  We’re together, we’re happy, and it doesn’t matter who came on to who.”

“I mean, no, but you kissed me first.” You crossed your arms, daring him to argue.  

Around you, your friends had gotten quiet.  Fangs was watching with rapt attention, barely taking a sip from his beer.  Toni was just shaking her head, pulling out her phone to text Cheryl.  Betty and Jughead seemed to want to laugh, but they were both smart enough not to.

“Y/N, you were basically begging me to kiss you,” Sweet Pea insisted. “You were sending me signals all over the place.”

“I was sending you signals?” you scoffed. “Yeah, sure, Sweet Pea, that’s what happened.”

“It was, actually.”

You let out a harsh laugh. “Oh please, does anyone here think that I would send Sweet Pea begging signals.  Show of hands, please.”

Sweet Pea raised his hand, and everything else awkwardly tried to avoid eye contact.

“Really, Fangs?” Sweet Pea demanded. “Even you?  Even you’re siding with her?”

“It’s not sides, Pea.  It’s just…” he trailed off, knowing better than to finish the sentence.

“Well, fine, you know what?  It doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter what any of you believe!” His voice was steadily climbing in pitch. “What matters is what happened.”

You crossed your arms, trying to keep your temper in check.  You weren’t one to blow up over nothing, but you weren’t about to stand by as Sweet Pea completely misrepresented the situation. “Okay, then, these signals.  Tell me about them, Sweet Pea, because I might need to be more careful.  I mean, what if I’m accidentally sending those signals now?  I wouldn’t want to hit on Fangs or Jughead, would I?”

“You know what, Y/N, just drop it.  Really, it doesn’t matter.”

“No, it does.” You held your ground. “It matters a lot to me.  Please, show me how I begged you.”

“Fine, I will,” he snapped. “I have it on video.”

Everyone fell silent, and you dropped your arms to your sides, your mouth falling open. “You have what?”

“I—um—it’s an expression.”

The next day, you had yet to have a rational conversation with Sweet Pea. Sure, the whole argument of who had hit on who had been annoying, but it had also been stupid.   As for why he thought it was even sort of okay to film you having sex without your permission, that you couldn’t even begin to wrap your mind around.  You had refused to talk to him since he revealed it, not trusting yourself to stay calm enough to keep your relationship intact.

Sweet Pea sat in Betty and Jughead’s apartment, picking at his plate of pancakes as Toni chewed him out for being such an idiot and Fangs watched with an amused smirk.

“I mean, come on Sweet Pea, what kind of perv films someone without permission?”

“I—”

“It’s just wrong, Pea, not to mention illegal.  You’re lucky Y/N’s not pressing charges, really, and it’s—”

“Toni, I am not a perv.”

“Yeah, sure that’s what they all say—it’s practically the pervy motto.  They have you raise your right hand, stick your left hand down your pants, and—"

“Will you please let me explain, Topaz?” he snapped. “It’s bad enough that Y/N kicked me out for the night, and now you won’t even let me defend myself.”

“Fine.” She crossed her arms and gave him a cold look. “Do your best to make this not creepy.”

“I didn’t mean to film Y/N.  Fangs can back me up on this.” He looked to Fangs hopefully. “So, remember when I—um—came to you with a bit of a problem, Fangs?  A personal thing?”

“Personal thing?” He cocked his head. “What personal thing?  I don’t remember that at all.”

“About—” He sighed. “About sex?”

Fangs just stared blankly.

“That I hadn’t had sex in like a year?”

“Yeah, no shit, man,” Fangs laughed. “Of course, I remember.”

~Six Months Earlier~

Not even bothering to knock, Sweet Pea burst through the door of his friends’ apartment.  Fangs, who had been sitting in his ancient recliner eating an impressively thick sandwich, looked up with a start.

“What the heck, man, ever heard of knocking?  I could have been having sex or something.”

Sweet Pea directed a pointed look at his sandwich. “Yeah, okay, man.  Are Toni or Y/N here?”

“Nope,” Fangs replied, taking another bite of his sandwich. “They went to get coffee and manicures or something.”

“And you weren’t invited?” Sweet Pea teased.

Fangs’ eyebrows furrowed, and he shook his head. “No, I totally was.  I just have an audition later, so I needed to stay back.  So, what’s up?”

Sweet Pea flopped onto the couch, already over his lame joke, and let out a long breath. “I need some advice.”

“With?”

He bit his lip, struggling with how to put it into words. “You know how everyone’s kind of been giving me crap about being single for so long?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, you see, it’s more than that.  I—um—well, I’ve been so busy with the bar and, I—”

“Spit it the fuck out, man.”

“I haven’t had sex in a year.”

There was a beat, and the Fangs burst out in laughter, nearly dropping his sandwich as he tried to contain himself. “Wait, what, really?  Really, dude?  A year?  How the heck does that happen?  You’re great with women.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought, too, but…” he trailed off. “But, you know, it’s helping me appreciate the smaller things in life.  Like the smell of roses, the color of the sky.”

“The sky’s blue, Sweet Pea, and I just had sex yesterday!”

Sweet Pea sunk deeper into the couch with a groan. “I know, I know.” He managed to sit himself up a little bit. “And I hate myself for even needing to ask this, but—I need help, Fangs.  I have a date tonight, and I just need it to go well.”

“Okay, okay,” he laughed. “I’ll help you out.  I’ve got the perfect thing—it’s this story I came up with, insanely romantic. Anyone who hears it basically starts ripping their clothes off right there.”

“Really?  Tell me.”

“Okay, yeah.” Fangs finally set aside his sandwich to face his friend. “Just be aware, man, this story will undoubtedly make you want to have sex with me, and while my offer still stands, I understand that you prefer—”

“Just get on with it, Fangs!  I’m not that desperate yet.”

“Alright.” He cleared his throat. “Years ago, when I was backpacking across Western Europe…”

Sweet Pea scoffed. “You were backpacking across Western Europe?”

Fangs shot out his seat to hold open the apartment door. “Have a nice, sexless date, tonight Sweet Pea!”

“Hey, hey, I’m sorry.” Sweet Pea lifted his hands in surrender, trying not to laugh. “Please, tell me the rest.  You were backpacking in Western Europe, and…”

With a huff, Fangs sat back down.  He shook it off and resumed. “I was just outside Barcelona, hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo.  I was coming to the end of the path, and I came across a clearing.  There was a lake there, very secluded.  All around me, there were tall trees.” His voice dropped to a suspenseful whisper. “And in the distance, across the lake, I saw…a beautiful woman.  She was bathing herself, but she was crying.”

Sweet Pea’s eyes were big, and for a moment, he seemed to forget how to breathe. “Why?  Why was she crying, Fangs?”

“I’m so glad we did this, Sweet Pea,” Melody said, taking a glass of wine and sitting down on the couch. “It’s been so long since we’ve seen each other, and running into you the other day was just too crazy.”

“It was, wasn’t it?” Sweet Pea sat down next to her on the couch, his own wine glass in hand.

“And this wine—it’s amazing.   What is it?”

“Well, it’s—” Sweet Pea stopped, recognizing this moment as the perfect opportunity to make a move. “It’s from Spain, Barcelona, actually.  I got it while I was backpacking there a few years ago.”

“Really?  That’s awesome.  Did you know I did a year there during undergrad?”

Sweet Pea’s mouth fell open, and he managed to shake his head. “No, I—um—I most certainly did not.” He took a huge sip of wine and swallowed hard.  He was in too deep to turn back now. “But yeah, I was hiking, and—”

“I love hiking!”

“Great…” Sweet Pea drawled, his smile growing downright painful to maintain. “So I was hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidayboo—”

Melody quirked her head to the side. “Isn’t that Mount Tibidabo?”

“Yeah, that,” he snapped, shaking his head and finishing off the rest of his wine. “How about you just tell the damn story?”

The door slammed open, and Fangs nearly jumped out of his chair to see a very angry Sweet Pea rushing into his apartment.

“Hey, man, aren’t you supposed to be on a date with a former Pussycat?”

“No shit, man, can’t you tell?  I’m across the street having sex with her right now.  Your story’s garbage, man!”

“No, it’s not,” Fangs argued, getting up to face his increasingly angry friend. “If it didn’t work for you, you didn’t tell it right.  Show me how you did it.”

“There’s no way I’m doing that.”

Fangs leaned against the counter, smirking with amusement. “And how long has it been since you’ve seen a woman naked?”

“I was backpacking across Western Europe, and—”

“I’m not feeling it.” Still grinning, Fangs pulled a beer out of the fridge and sat on the counter. “Try again.”

Sweet Pea took a deep breath.  Everything in him wanted to punch the smirk off Fangs’ dumb face. “I was just outside of Barcelona hiking…”

“No, no, no!  Sweet Pea! This is terrible.  I’m not hot, are you hot?”

“It’s been a year!” he shouted, clenching his fists. “I’m always hot!”

“Well, you’re not selling it, Sweet Pea.” Fangs hopped off the counter and gave him a hard look. “It’s like—like, you don’t believe it.  Look, man, I need to go.  I have a date tonight, but I’m going to give you some homework.” He set down his beer and walked into his room, returning with an iPad. “You’re going to do what I do when I’m prepping for an audition. Record yourself, play it back, see how fucking lame you sound, and work on improving.  Try adding some hand gestures or emotions or something.”

Still fuming, Sweet Pea snatched the iPad and the remainder of Fangs’ beer. “Fine, I’ll try it.”

“Good.” Fangs gave him a skeptical look. “Are you going to be good to get home?”

“I live across the street, dumbass.  I’ll be fine!”

“Jeez, chill, man.” Fangs grabbed his coat and started for the door. “I’ll see you later.”

“See you later.” Sweet Pea took a big sip of the beer and got to work setting up the iPad on the TV stand, facing the couch.  Once it was in place, he took a seat on the couch and took a deep breath. “This is so stupid, so fucking stupid.”  He cleared his throat and started again.

“Well, you see, I was backpacking across Western Europe, and—”

The door flew open, and Sweet Pea snapped his mouth shut.

“Sweet Pea?  What are you doing here?”

“Oh, Y/N, I was—um—Fangs and I were having a beer, and then he had to leave for a date, so I figured I’d stay and finish.”

Not in the mood to deal with his weird tone, you just nodded. “Okay, cool. Since you’re here, you have to help me with something.”

“So, yeah, when she came in, I got distracted and totally forgot about the camera.” Sweet Pea shook his head. “It just kept going and recorded everything. Damn thing had some insane battery life.”

“Not to mention storage room,” Toni added, giving Fangs an impressed look.

“What can I say?  I only buy the best.” He paused and looked between Toni and Sweet Pea. “So, we’re going to need to see that video.”

Toni gave Fangs a dumbfounded look, shaking her head.

“What a great idea!” Sweet Pea sneered. “That’ll get Y/N to forgive me.”

“You’re right, you’re right,” Fangs drawled. “We should probably just forget about it entirely.” He snuck a glance at Toni and then winked at Sweet Pea.

“Did you just wink at him?” Toni asked, shaking her head with disgust. “Do you really think he’d sink so low to show a sex tape of his girlfriend?”

“Jeez, you guys are so touchy.” Fangs pulled his phone out of his pocket. “It was just an idea.”

Not wanting to deal with Fangs’ nonsense any longer, Sweet Pea stormed out of the apartment.

Still fuming from the realizations of the night before, you crossed the hall to Betty and Jughead’s apartment to see Toni, Fangs, Jughead, and Betty sitting around the kitchen table.

“Is Sweet Pea still here?”

Jughead looked up, his eyes wide when he saw just how angry you still were. “Nope, he just left like a minute before Betty and I got home actually.”

“Damn.” You sunk into the open chair. “I actually thought I might be ready to talk to him.”  You looked up at your friends and let out a miserable sigh. “I just can’t believe he would do something like that.”

“Y/N,” Fangs said, taking your hand in his. “I know it sucks, but he told us what happened, and really, it sounds like it was an honest mistake.”

“Honest mistake?  How does one mistakenly film a sex tape?” Your voice rose in pitch as you tugged your hand away from him. “How would you like it if I had sex with you and taped it?”

Fangs grinned lasciviously, and you smacked the back of his head. “Oh, forget it.”

Before you could get another word out, Sweet Pea rushed into the apartment, the iPad in his hands.  When he saw you, he froze, completely at a loss for words. “Y/N, I—”

“What?” you snapped, the word coming out sharper than you intended. “Here to tell me this was all just an honest mistake?”

Sweet Pea took a cautious step forward, recognizing the venom in your tone and not trusting that you wouldn’t snap completely. “Babe, I know this is hard to believe, but it was. It really was an honest mistake.  I swear, I didn’t even watch it.” He held out the iPad carefully. “I thought you might want to do the honors yourself.  It’s already deleted from iCloud and everything, so all you have to do it delete the original file.”

You took the iPad from him, clicking it on and navigating to the video folder.  The thumbnail was innocuous enough—just a blurry image of Sweet Pea with his back to the camera.  You knew better, though.  Hidden in that little thumbnail was a recording of you and Sweet Pea having sex.

“Thank you, Sweet Pea.” Slowly, you set the iPad on the table, but just as your finger was about to hit the screen, the room exploded.

“No, wait!” Fangs shouted.

Toni was shaking her head furiously. “Not yet!

Even Jughead had leaped from his seat.  He was holding his hands out toward you like he was considering taking you out.  Betty was standing behind him, her eyes wide in shock at the scene unfolding around her.

“What the hell, guys?”

“The video,” Toni said quickly. “The video you’re about to delete has the only proof of who hit on who.  To settle the argument once and for all.”

“Seriously?” You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. “You seriously want me to show you guys this video?”

“Not the sex part,” Jughead replied with a cringe. “No one in their right mind would want to see that.  We just want to see the stuff leading up to it.”

“No way.”

“Forget it, guys,” Sweet Pea said, his voice firm. “She’s deleting it, and that’s that.”

“Fine, fine,” Toni drawled, “Guess we’ll just have to come up with some other way to settle who hit on who first.”

“Toni,” Sweet Pea said. “Drop it—it’s Y/N’s decision, and if she wants the video deleted, she can delete the video.  Case closed.  End of story.”

Slowly, your eyes narrowed, and you turned to face Sweet Pea as a new suspicion dawned on you. “Actually, I want to see it.”

“What?” he demanded, his eyebrows furrowing. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Clearly, you don’t want people to see this video,” you answered, your voice low as you took a slow step toward him. “Now, I don’t want them to see it either, but you so badly don’t want people to see it that it makes me want people to see it.”

“That’s literally insane, Y/N.  I don’t want people to see it for your sake.”

“Are we watching the video or not, guys?” Fangs asked, his HDMI cord in hand as he nearly hopped with anticipation. “Because if we are, we’re putting it on the big screen.”

Still holding Sweet Pea’s gaze, you handed Fangs the iPad.  Sweet Pea was standing with his arms crossed, using his height to an advantage in an attempt to be intimidating, but you weren’t having it. “So you say you don’t want people seeing it for my sake, but I don’t think I believe you.” You crossed your arms and closed the distance between you, looking up defiantly. “I think that you just don’t want everyone to see you beg.”

“You sound pretty confident for someone who’s going to be eating her words in a few minutes,” he replied, his lips curving into a smirk that you couldn’t help but be attracted to.

With a huff, you both sat down on the couch.  Somehow, in less than a minute, Fangs had set up the iPad on the TV, dimmed the lights, and made himself a bowl of popcorn.  All you could do was roll your eyes as he and Jughead started eating.

“Are we ready?” Toni asked, ready to hit play.

“Ready,” you snapped, glaring at Sweet Pea.

“Born ready,” he replied, glaring right back.

Toni hit play.

“What do you need help with?” he asked, setting his drink on the coffee table.

“These.” You dropped two huge boxes on the floor in front of him. “Invitations.  I fucked up so badly—I was supposed to send these out for Betty like three weeks ago, and I—I—”

“You procrastinated until the very last second, and now you’re out of time,” he continued, grinning at you in a way that made your heart start doing backflips.

“Yeah, that.”

Jughead’s jaw had dropped, and you quickly scooted away from Betty. Even though it meant squishing you into Sweet Pea’s side, you had to get away from her before she could react to what you had just seen.

“Sweetie, it’s okay,” Betty said, her voice taking on a bit of a crazy edge as she took your hand in hers. “Everyone made it to the wedding—everything’s fine.  I’m fine.”

“Really?” you squeaked, causing Sweet Pea to instinctively wrap a protective arm around you. “Because you’re kind of crushing my hand.”

She nodded, smiling softly. “I know.”

“I just cannot believe I did this,” you sighed, taking a large sip of the wine you had poured. “I mean, especially after Betty just went on, and on, and on about it.” Starting to feel the buzz of the wine, you did your best Betty impersonation. “Okay, Y/N, here are the invitations, Y/N.  Be very careful with them, Y/N.  No liquids near the invitations, Y/N.  You better be able to handle this, Y/N.”

Sweet Pea laughed as you precariously tipped your wine glass over the piles of intricate white invitations.

“Woah-oh!  Better not spill my wine.  Betty would kill me if I spilled my wine.”

Jughead’s jaw had dropped comically further, and he was shaking his head. “Did you animals do it on our invitations?”

There was a moment of silence, and Sweet Pea gulped hard. “Not the ones we sent out.”

He shot out of his seat to grab a frame from the TV stand and slam it onto the coffee table. “Oh, good, so you just fucked on the ones you gave back to us to have framed!”

You frantically started fast-forwarding, not remembering what other stupid things you might have said, but sure that they were stupid.  When it looked like you were in the clear, you hit play again.

“Can you believe this is really happening?” Sweet Pea asked. “It feels like it was just last week we were all sitting at Pop’s drinking milkshakes and ignoring our homework.”

You laughed, sealing another envelope and adding it to the growing pile. “Yeah, now that Betty and Jughead are getting married, it’s starting to feel like we’re real adults.” You smiled softly. “Even though a milkshake from Pop’s does sound really good right now.”

“A milkshake from Pop’s always sounds really good.”  He took another sip of his beer, and then looked at you, his brown eyes radiating warmth. “Remember the night of their engagement?”

“How could I forget?” You smiled softly at the memory. “It was the Uktena Day festival—Toni was so thrilled the name change finally went through, Fangs was hitting on Kevin like nobody’s business…”

“And we were…”

“And we had bailed on everyone to walk down to Sweetwater River,” you finished for him, almost certain you were blushing. “We reached that spot—the one just below the bridge, and just when I thought you might kiss me…”

“Jughead.” He made a face. “Poor guy forgot he left the ring at my place, and we had to get there and back before the fireworks or else his epic proposal would be ruined.”

“Sweet Pea,” you said, your heart feeling like it might leap out of your chest. “If he hadn’t—hadn’t interrupted, do you think we would have kissed?”

“I mean—” he stuttered, running his hand through his messy hair. “I know I wanted to.  I just wasn’t sure if you wanted to.”

“Oh, I wanted to.”

“So we both wanted to.”

The words made your stomach erupt with a million butterflies. “Interesting.”

“Yeah.” He paused and took another sip of his drink. “Anyway, it—um—it probably worked out for the best.”

“Oh yeah, of course.”

“And in about ten seconds, you’re going to see him kiss me,” you said smugly, grinning triumphantly at your boyfriend.

“And in about five seconds, you’ll see why,” he answered, shaking his head with a knowing smile.

You watched intently, so ready to wipe that smug look off his face.  On the screen, you had scooted closer to Sweet Pea, closing the gap on the couch.  You had set your wine down, placing a hand on his knee.

“Hey, Sweet Pea, have I ever told you about the time I went backpacking through Western Europe during my semester abroad?”

The room went silent.  Everyone’s jaws had dropped, and they were gaping at you like you had just sprouted a second head.

“What, guys?  Get ready to see some begging!”

Next to you, Sweet Pea was clutching his sides, nearly shaking the couch with silent laughter.

“You came on to Sweet Pea,” Toni said, her look of shock morphing into a wide smile.

“What?” you demanded. “What are you talking about?”

“You used the Europe story!” Betty’s hand was over her mouth in an attempt to hold back her laughter.

Fangs had flown out of his seat, knocking his popcorn on the floor so he could gesticulate wildly. “That’s the magic story you use when you want to have sex!”

“What?” You got up from the couch, giving him a dirty look. “How do you know about that story?”

“How do you know about that story?”

“I heard it from Nancy Woods who heard it from some guy!”

He raised his hand, smiling proudly. “Some guy!”

“No.” Your shoulders sunk. “No, no, no, no.  She told me it was some guy she slept with.”

He pointed firmly to himself. “Some guy she slept with.”

Your jaw dropped. “You slept with Nancy Woods?”

“Sure did.”

“And you told her the story?”

“Sure did.”

“That you made up?”

“Sure did.”

Restraining yourself from tackling him, you spun on your heels to face Sweet Pea.  He had stopped laughing, but he was still smiling like he wanted to.

“You knew—when you wanted me to delete it.  You knew that I used the story.”

“Yeah, I did.  Fangs had just taught it to me that day, so when you started…” He stood up, opening his arms for a hug. “I’m sorry.”

You couldn’t help but shake your head as you wrapped your arms around him. “You really were trying to preserve my dignity.”

“Sure was.”

Rolling your eyes, you stood up on your tiptoes to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry I made such a huge deal of the whole thing, Pea.  Can we please pretend this whole thing never happened?”

“I don’t know, babe, you seemed pretty convinced it was me who hit on you. I think I want to savor this moment for a little while—it’s not often you admit to being wrong.”

“Who said I admit to being wrong?” you replied, poking him in the side and earning an amused smile. “You were the one that started talking about that day at the festival—I was just taking cues from you.”

“My god, you’re insufferable.” He pressed his lips to yours, effectively silencing whatever snarky comeback you were sure to come up with.  You melted into his arms, so much happier to be kissing him rather than fighting over some stupid video.  As he pulled back, he smiled softly. “Love you, babe.”

“Love you more.”

“Can’t even let me win this one, can you?”

“Nope.”

That night, when you got back to your apartment, you still had the iPad in your possession.  Fangs had told you to double and triple check that it was free of any and all inappropriate material before he started using it for auditions again.  

“I still can’t believe that stupid story was Fangs’,” you muttered, setting the iPad on the table and sliding onto a chair. “And I can’t believe that it actually works.”

Sweet Pea laughed and kissed the top of your head before sitting down next to you. “Well, if it’s any consolation, it didn’t work for me when I tried it.  Clearly, I don’t have the same seductive gifts you do.”  He smirked and leaned in close for another kiss. “Don’t worry about it too much, though, babe.  Trust me, even if you hadn’t busted out the story, I was going to make a move that night.”

“It was a pretty amazing night, wasn’t it?”

“It really was.”

You both paused, and then you bit your lip nervously. “Do you think it looked amazing?”

“I—uh—I don’t know.”  He held the back of his neck nervously. “I mean, I honestly didn’t watch the whole thing.”

“Yeah, me neither, but…”

“Would that be weird?”

“Yeah, of course.” You nodded firmly. “It would be really weird.”

There was a beat, and then you both sprung into action.  Sweet Pea rushed over to the TV, hooking up the iPad and getting everything set up.  You darted to the door, locking it and sliding the deadbolt into place.  You gave the knob a firm twist to make sure it was shut and yanked the curtains closed on your way to the couch.  

Sweet Pea was already sitting, iPad in hand. “Good luck.”

“Good luck to you.”

He pushed play. “Mind if I mute it?”

“Please do.”

“Oh, there go the clothes.”

“You’re undressing really quickly.”

“A year, Y/N, a year.”

“Hmm…oh.”

“We don’t look half bad, babe.”

“That’s what I was thinking.” You squeezed his hand. “We look pretty good!”

“Nice tan.”

“Thanks!” you laughed. “I had just been at the beach that weekend.”

“Ah….”

“Had you been working out?”

“I had,” he replied with a grin.

“Really?  Wow, this is so much better than I—”

“Oh no.”

“Yikes, that’s not a good look.”

“Oh! Oh!”

“Dear Lord, no!”

“No!”

“Oh, God!”

“No, no, no!”

“Make it stop—make it stop!”

“Ugh.”

“Please, stop!”

“That’s horrible.”

“For the love of God, Sweet Pea, make it stop!”

Simultaneously, you dove for the iPad, hitting pause.  You both crumpled onto the floor, sighing with relief as you finally hit delete.

“Babe, we’re never making another sex tape,” Sweet Pea said, running his fingertips through your hair.

“Now, that I won’t fight you on.”

Thanks so much for reading!  If you enjoyed this, be sure to check out the rest of The Southside Serpents as F.R.I.E.N.D.S. series if you haven’t already.

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