#I make choices not because I want to

[thenightmareofyourdrems]

@toxicmalicex sent: 💀

                   ˜”*°•.    Massacre .  They  were  heading  to  another  massacre .  The   man’s  voice  clear  across  the  train ;  surrender .  It  was  either  this  or  the  complete  elimination  of  the  train .  And  she  hadn’t  gone  for  so  long  to  sacrifice  them  all  in  the  name  of  her  survival .  There’d  been  chaos .  To  her  mind ,  the  choice  simple .  And  yet,  of  course  they  couldn’t  have  avoided  conflict.   Ben  on  her  side, yet  Marisa  seeking  a  different  way  out .  There’d  been  arguments,  there’d  been  tension  and  the  other  woman  had  left  the  room  in  anger  leaving  the  others  alone .  Still,  the plan  had  been  devised,  and  if  it  worked,  they  would  be  able  to  save  the  passengers  but  also  get  what  they  wanted ;  answers,  an  advantage. Was  it  risky ?  Obviously.  But  it  was  better  than  nothing .

So ,  when  the  plan  collpased  right  before  her  eyes ,  she’d  been  too  incapable  of  reacting .  When  Marisa  decided  to  go  a  complete  different  way  of  what  they’d  agreed,  she’d  been  too  caught  off  guard  to  expect  the  forthcoming  tragedy .  ❝ No . ❞  Voice  barely  left  her  lips ,  shock  flooding  her  face,  disbelief .  No .  This  was  not  real ,  the  blood  on  the  floor  was  not  real ,  the  wound ,  the  weapon .  No .  Her  whole  body  shook  as  she  rushed  to  the  fallen  body ;  he  wasn’t  breathing,   why  was  he  not  breathing  ?  ❝ Ben ,  please . ❞    

Her  gaze  turned  to  the  other ,  tears  still  rolling  down  her  cheeks  -  yet  nothing  could  compare  to  the  anger ,  the  fury .  She  couldn’t  have  done  it…  She  couldn’t  have  just  betrayed  her,  stand  on  their  side .  Not  after  all they’d  gone  through,  not  after  the  promises  they’d  made ,  but  well …  It  was  her  fault .  It  was  her  fault  that  she’d  trusted  emotion.  It  was  her  fault  that  she’d  thought  she’d  changed.  It  was  her  fault  she’d  been  naïve .  They  could  have  made  this  work.  All  three  of  them  and  the  passengers  could  have  survived .  They  could  have  made  it .  But  she  just  couldn’t  handle  not to  make  the  rules, could she ?  ❝ What  did  you  do  ?  ❞   Hand ,  now  soaked  in  blood ,  was  raised  from  his  body  and  she  stood  up .  ❝ What  the  hell  did  you  do  ?  ❞   

[semperardens-juli]

contemplation on melanie cavill from snowpiercer

She was thrown the responsibility of humanity in the midst of an apocalypse. The responsibility fell onto her out of nowhere, but what amazed me was that she simply accepted it without opposing it, despite the mountainous weight on her shoulder.

She was talented, gifted with a beautiful mind. She pulled herself in control always when the world wanted to pull her apart. And despite the threat of losing her daughter, her mind never flail in her responsibility towards humanity. I'm not saying this is a good thing, or a bad thing. I just think that proves how steadfast she is.

She was always looking out for the greater good and she uses math and logic for it. She kept herself moving. She kept making hard choices and sacrifices. She kept herself so in control, I wonder is she ever felt a sense of anxiety and how does that look like for her.

She was ruthless in her method but it was for selfless reasons. When she thought she lost her daughter, she could have given up on humanity and let them fall into their own hell. Life was cruel to her, she could be cruel back. But she didn't, she kept trying to preserve life. She is selfless to the core and will change her mind, even when her methods prove wrong, willingly compromise with Layton when necessary. Humanity and greater good was always on her mind first. Unlike Wilford, who would calculate how this work to his advantage. Her methods are ruthless but that is simply because they were thrown into a ruthless situation. Her soul isn't.

Also, she isn't a nerdy weak kid. She's nerdy but steadfast with lots of willpower. She never gave up. She kept trying. She don't let herself fall into a state of hopelessness or despair.

Melanie Cavill is the ultimate girlboss and girl's rolemodel, a character beautifully crafted.

[ruthiesrambles2]

Fics I'm never gonna finish part 17: Team building (pre-Freeze Mel/Ruth)

(pretty sure I posted this somewhere already but I can't find it)

She begrudged that she had been forced to attend. It’s about time you showed your face, Melanie, he had insisted. She hadn’t really had a choice - after the argument about the geneticists, she knew she was on thin ice. She had become too comfortable, as his little protege, and she didn’t want to give him any reason to kick her back down the pecking order. Not this close to departure, anyway.

The team building exercises were a step too far, though. They were distinctly “unWilford”, and Melanie suspected that this whole section of the day had been organised by Hospitality - one final test of their skills. It was an open secret that the Head of Hospitality role was still unassigned, and Joseph had been reticent to make a decision with so many of the potential candidates still unproven. Unlike other departments, Hospitality was largely new or recent hires. Melanie had her own theory about why Wilford had not chosen from his old faithful, a theory that smelled of expensive perfume and high-end spirits.

Whatever the reason, the bodies clad in freshly pressed teal uniforms now milled around the room, encouraging the others to interact. Melanie had no interest in which of her colleagues might have been to Iceland, which had seven siblings, or which watched the most television. Pointless, she mused, sipping the gin martini that had been thrust towards her when they had gathered in the large carriage. She had sequestered herself, half hidden by the billowing white drapery, leaning on a wall towards the rear. She had a good view of the people she would be spending the rest of her life with, but thus far none had tried to bother her.

After a few minutes, Melanie was lost in thought, calculations bouncing around her head, counting down the minutes until she could return to solitude in the engine. She had told her parents that the cocktail party that would end the day would keep her out late, so Alex was staying the night with them. Of course, she had told Joseph that she wouldn’t be at the party because she needed to get home to her daughter. So an evening of uninterrupted work, just as she liked it, awaited her as soon as she could escape from the hell that was team-building.

Someone clearing their throat next to her dragged Melanie back out of her thoughts. A blonde woman, about her own age, was standing beside her wielding a clipboard and looking at her expectantly. Had she spoken? Melanie wasn’t sure. She fumbled around for a few moments, trying to think of a socially acceptable response to a question she didn’t hear.

“Sorry,” was all she came up with, shrugging her shoulders apologetically. “I wasn’t paying attention.”

The woman in teal smiled at her shyly, and Melanie almost thought she could see pink rise up in her cheeks, behind the perfectly applied blusher.

“I just said hi,” the blonde laughed. “Don’t worry, I’m not here to find out your favourite flavour of jelly. I’m Ruth, Ruth Wardell. Hospitality.”

Melanie studied her carefully.

“I can see that. How’s the fight to the death going?” replied Melanie dryly.

“Normally people reply with their name…” Ruth said, raising her eyebrows.

It was Melanie’s turn to blush. She wasn’t used to people not knowing who she was, having been dragged halfway around the world by Joseph.

“Sorry,” she said again. “Melanie Cavill. Head Engineer.”

Ruth couldn’t suppress the laugh that escaped her, pressing her hand over her mouth in embarrassment,

“What?” asked Melanie, slightly offended.

“Sorry it’s just - isn’t Wilford the Head Engineer?” asked Ruth, her brow furrowed.

“Oh, he thinks he is,” came the response.

Melanie didn’t elaborate further, and Ruth couldn’t tell if she was joking.

[ray-green-wicked4good]

🎃 Snowpiercer Halloween Things 🍬

*The Hospitality Halloween Party*

Ruth: Alright everyone! Halloween is upon us and there's still so much to do! Tristan! I need you to finish up all those caramel apples!

Tristan: Y-yes ma'am.

Ruth: Zarah, I need you to light all the candles in the jack-o-lanterns. Use your judgement, if the carving is too scary or inappropriate--leave it dark!

Zarah: Ummm. Ok. Sure.

Ruth: Alright, Sam-

Roche: No, no. You're gonna have to run this one without me.

Ruth: But I have a list--

Roche: You can give it to Till. I'm headed home. My wife and I are taking the kids trick or treating.

Ruth: That's very sweet, but--oh. He's gone. Right then. I suppose I should give this to you.

Till: What's all this?

Ruth: A list of child friendly Halloween movies. Once you finish the decorations, you may choose one to put on. Speaking of--how are the decorations coming?

Till: Oh, well. I'm not really that artsy, so I handed it off to Jinju.

Ruth: Oh no.

Jinju: Don't worry. I've got it all under control. I've got a ton of seashells and sharks teeth that I've painted orange and I'll hang them up with these happy little bats.

Ruth: I'm sorry, 'happy bats'?

Jinju: Yes, I painted little smiles on their faces.

Ruth: May I ask why?

Jinju: It's much more realistic.

Ruth: *eye twitching* Realistic? How is a smiling bat realistic?

Jinju: Because it's Halloween. The holiday where for once bats are celebrated instead of vilified. I should think they'd be 'happy' about that, don't you?

Till: Yeah, babe. Makes total sense.

Ruth: ...I think I'm going to go make sure we've got enough vodka for the punch.

*At the Cavill House*

Melanie: But, sweetheart, we always go trick-or-treating together! Don't you remember the year you went as Amelia Earhart and I was Fred Noonan? Or the year you were Thomas the train and I was the conductor? Or when--

Alex: Yes, of course I do! But Mom, think of it this way--if I tell people I'm an orphan, they'll give me even more candy that we can split later.

Melanie: Oh my gosh that's genius!

*At the Roche Home*

Roche: Now, explain to me why you can't be a princess again this year? It's a classic look.

Carly: Because I'm not four years old anymore, Dad. I want to go as something scary.

Roche: *sighing* I guess it was bound to happen eventually. Alright. Something scary. Yeah, I think I can get behind that.

Carly: Good, 'cause I need you to ask Miss Cavill if I can borrow her Teals.

Roche: *already digging his phone out of his pocket* Okay, I need you to say that again but with a little more feeling. Look at the camera!

*At the Wellstead Residence*

Josie: Now remember, all you have to do is ring the doorbell. And when they open the door, say "Trick-or-Treat".

Miles: I got it, Mom.

Layton: And always go for the Snickers!

Miles: What if they don't have Snickers bars?

Layton: *thinks a moment* Fallback to caramel apple suckers.

Josie: Now, if you start to get cold, I packed some gloves and a scarf into this backpack.

Layton: A backpack? All he needs is the pillowcase and a flashlight. The promise of candy should keep him warm all night long, right Miles?

Miles: It's not a promise though.

Layton: What?

Miles: There's not a guarantee that I'll get any candy. You said I'm supposed to ring the doorbell and shout "trick or treat". It's a choice. They could choose 'trick'.

Layton: I mean, I guess technically...that's true. Maybe. But I've never heard of that happening. I mean, I don't think--I don't think anybody would really choose-

Josie: Ignore him. And take the backpack. If anyone chooses 'trick'...I've packed you some shaving cream and toilet paper.

Layton: What?!

Miles: Thanks, Mom!

Josie: Bring me back a Mars bar!

*The 'other' Halloween Party*

Osweiller: We're throwing a halloween party at our place. It's gonna be the greatest thing ever.

LJ: Someone will die.

Osweiller: Of fun!

LJ: And of murder.

Osweiller: There's gonna be beer, pumpkins...

LJ: Bloody goblins.

Osweiller: Fake ones! It's gonna be awesome. We have decorations.

LJ: Dead people we just murdered.

Osweiller: No, not murdered. Just pictures of dead people from TV or movies.

LJ: Mutilated bodies.

Osweiller: But fake ones. There'll be candy, dancing, tequila. All kinds of food and snacks.

LJ: But you have to bring the snacks yourself because we don't have any money.

Osweiller: ...No, yeah. That time you got it right.

*Bonus: the Wilford Mansion*

Audrey: *on the phone* Joe? What is taking so long?

Wilford: Just hold your horses, my dear, it's surprisingly difficult to find candy for sale on Halloween night.

Audrey: Please hurry.

Wilford: If you're worried about disappointing trick-or-treaters while I'm out, just turn off the light so they'll think you're not home.

Audrey: Oh, I won't disappoint them. I've already given away all of the fruit we had in the house and two of your gold tipped fountain pens...

Wilford: You what?!

Audrey: I thought I could make your cigars last longer by giving them out one by one instead of by the case but--

Wilford: Not my Gurkha cigars?!

Audrey: I told you, I panicked! They all looked so sweet in their little costumes. One little girl even hugged me and told me she loved me. What was I supposed to do, Joe?

Wilford: Well I sure as hell hope you didn't give her the keys to the Porsche.

Audrey:

Wilford: Audrey? Hello? Audrey are you there?! Answer me, woman! Audrey?!

[pregnant-javert]

MelRuth college au if you still take asks

I had more fun with this than I was expecting? I'm not a fan of college AUs really so I just kind of expected that this would be a quick one that I wouldn't enjoy writing...but I kind of liked it a lot, actually. Under the cut <3

P.S this will be two chapters long...I will post the link to the second chap on AO3 when I finish it :)

The engineering students were a loud, odd bunch, Ruth reflected. Any time she was near their group; behind them in the lunch line; in a lecture theatre with them, being in the stands near them at a soccer game. All of them followed the same general archetype—bespectacled, nerdy guys and tanned, sporty girls. Ruth only shared one class with people from engineering—a business class—and quite frankly if she had to spend any more time with them than that, she’d lose it. Ruth preferred her friends in the hotel management course she was doing—they were quiet, bookish, respectable people. They could hold a perfectly nice conversation without going off on wild tangents or making stupid jokes. Ruth was quite happy to spend the last year of college coasting along with the same group of people she’d always known.

Until she met Melanie Cavill.

It was completely unexpected, you understand—Ruth would never willingly spend time with someone from the engineering school—but she hadn’t had much choice in the matter. Melanie had flounced into their shared business class two minutes before it was due to start, and the only spare seat was next to Ruth.

Melanie threw her ratty backpack down underneath the foldout desk, and withdrew a laptop computer that was nearly as roughed up as her bag. “Is it alright if I sit here?” she asked, sounding out of breath. “Normally I turn up earlier.”

“You’ve already sat there, so I don’t know why you’re asking,” Ruth said.

Far from being offended, Melanie actually laughed. “You’re right. Stupid of me, yeah? I’m Melanie Cavill. Don’t think we’ve met.” She held out her hand as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Ruth returned the handshake. She wasn’t an animal, after all. The lecturer stepped up to the lectern, so Melanie didn’t say any more. They both stayed silent for an hour while the lecturer explained something about supply chain management. When the lecturer announced a break for ten minutes, Melanie immediately turned back to Ruth. “So what’s your name then?” she asked.

“Ruth Wardell.”

“What course are y’all doing? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around.”

Ruth felt herself blushing; she shouldn’t have been ashamed of what she’s studying, but hotel management seemed stupid next to Melanie’s engineering. Ruth told her anyway.

“Damn, hotel management? So what, you want to own a hotel or something?”

Ruth already had a B&B waiting for her back in Kendal, but her father would only pass it down to her on condition she took this course. She wouldn’t tell Melanie this, though. “Yeah, I suppose.”

“That sounds cool,” Melanie said, and she sounded serious. “I’m only here because Wilford wants me to. Have to show up to every class or else he’ll stop paying for my college.”

“What would you rather be doing?” Ruth asked incredulously, but she was kind of interested in the answer. She wasn’t sure who this ‘Wilford’ character was either.

“I don’t know…building things, fixing things, breaking things. Not whatever this is,” she scoffed, throwing her pen onto the desk. “Supply chain management is pretty dry.”

Ruth agreed with that assessment. “You need it to run a successful business,” she said anyway.

“I don’t see the point. I don’t want to do anything like this—if I spend the rest of my life making stuff, I’ll be happy.” Melanie leaned back in her chair, which creaked ominously. “So hotels, huh? That a big ambition of yours?”

“My father owns a hotel back home. I can’t take over unless I do this course.” Ruth had no idea why she was telling Melanie this, but it wasn’t that big a secret anyway.

“Family business?”

“Yeah.”

“My parents have a dirt farm,” Melanie said. “I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life there, fixing tractors and all that jazz. Until Wilford found me.” The way she said the last sentence sounded guarded, so Ruth didn’t ask who he was. “I like engineering, but I was never a college gal.”

The lecturer called an end to the break and launched into a monologue about their mid-semester test. Melanie whipped out a piece of refill paper and scrawled something on it, passing it to Ruth. Ruth flattened it out on the desk.

A mid semester test? This is the first I’m hearing of it >_>

Ruth fought the urge to laugh. They’d been talking about it for the past month. Either Melanie wasn’t paying attention, or she’d just forgotten.

We’ve been talking about it for a month…

I guess that’s just me, then. There’s no way I’m gonna pass—I haven’t been paying attention at all.

Ruth looked down at Melanie’s messy purple handwriting. She could have just passed the note back with some generic condolence, but something within her made her go a different route.

Study session at my place?

Damn, you serious?

Ruth didn’t write anything more. The lecture ended and everyone stood up to go. “Wait. So you want to have a study session?” Melanie asked.

“I mean…I don’t have anyone else to study with. And you seem like you could use the help.”

“That’s certainly true,” Melanie said, stuffing her laptop into her bag and zipping it closed. “Your place or mine?”

“Probably mine? It might be quieter.” Ruth had picked her dorms for its distance from the campus. It was too far away for convenient access, so the only people who stayed there were part-time students or people who wanted the quiet like she did.

“You’re right. People keep partying at mine all night. If I want to pass this test, I better actually study this time. Here’s my number. Call me,” Melanie said, then she was hustling down the rows of seats and practically sprinting out the door. Ruth slung her bag over her shoulder, making her way out of the lecture theatre at a more sedate pace. What was Melanie thinking, galumphing out of the place like a horse. Ruth looked again at the crumpled piece of paper in her hand, which had a scrawled phone number and a curly M underneath. She stuffed it in her pocket—she’d call later.

Ruth couldn’t help herself—she was a little excited by this prospect. Maybe it was time to find new friends, even if it was going to be Melanie Cavill.

Maybe Ruth’s last year was going to be more eventful than she thought.

[sobriquett]

Dear Yuletide Author

Dearest Yuletide author,

Thank you very much for looking at my letter! I am very, very excited for... well, all of it. Yuletide is just about my favourite part of the year.

My actual signup includes lots of things on general likes and dislikes; I won’t repeat them here, just get straight on with the fandom-specific stuff!

Make sure you have fun writing, and I will love it dearly.

1. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

Nitta Sayuri, Nobu Toshikazu

I’m never going to stop requesting fic for these two. (And probably never going to receive it!) The film overlooks it somewhat but their interactions in the novel were my main source of delight, the curious balance of bickering and respect. Neither character knows much kindness in their life; I like to think they’d find that in each other, sort of kindred spirits.

I’ve requested Sayuri and Nobu because I’d love more of that relationship in any form ( / or & ). That might be Sayuri appreciating Nobu platonically, or even a full romantic relationship (danna AU?), or choosing or accepting Nobu over the Chairman (post-canon AU?) – or not (how does Nobu feel? Angst!) Anything with a focus on the relationship between these two will fill me with glee – as I said before it doesn’t need to have a happy ending, I just want more.

For bonus points, this relationship raises all kinds of issues worth exploring: the value of Sayuri’s ability to make her own choices; the restrictions placed on her by her culture, both within the hanamachi and broader Japanese culture; the way Sayuri pins her life’s ambitions to the idea of the Chairman; the physicality of Nobu, in his eyes and Sayuri’s; the circumstances of Nobu and the Chairman, with the former unattached and interested and the latter married and, to Sayuri, distant and unreachable; not to mention the incongruity of mixing notions of Western romance with another culture. An attachment to Nobu casts all these issues in a different light compared to Sayuri’s attachment to the Chairman. There are many reasons why he might be a better choice – and an active choice too, while she’s been on a trajectory towards the Chairman for many, many years without truly questioning it. Perhaps you might show Sayuri changing, growing like she did in the novel, or maybe you could show the wit, kindness and grudging mutual respect when they interact. Don’t be afraid though, I just want these two to be vaguely affectionate towards one another, even gruffly or distractedly – they both need and deserve it. All the rest is a bonus.

2. Modern Family (TV)

Haley Dunphy, Andy Bailey

This is not my normal sort of request. I’m normally a (period) drama kind of girl.

Before August, I’d never seen an episode of Modern Family. By the end of September I’d seen every one. When nominations came round, I was somewhere around S8/S9 and shipping Haley/Andy pretty hard. I don’t know what I want, but I would like more. Fluffy, funny, romantic, angsty - or all of them? More shenanigans and snatched moments, more tension and chemistry, or some trying to make the relationship work? Perhaps they meet in the future, as proper grownups? Maybe they did get married and/or have a baby instead of Haley marrying a cronut and buying the book for her boss? I honestly don’t know, or mind! Delight me!

Any or all other characters are welcome, and any or all other (canon?) ships. Bonus points for including Phil somehow, he’s my favourite. But obviously optional details are optional.

3. Snowpiercer (TV)

Any character in tag set (Melanie Cavill, Wilford, Miss Audrey)

Go dark, dear writer. Go oh so very dark.

This is just about the only tv show I’ve watched week-by-week in recent years. It’s dark, it’s tense, there’s so much scope for exploring this claustrophobic little world, the high stakes, the power dynamics at the top and the structure of the society further down. I love the science of the train too - I’m not much of a scientist, but the precarious balance of resources, production and requirements.

There are three nominated characters; I am interested in all of them.

For what it’s worth, I haven’t seen the 2013 movie, but I’m likely to fix that.

Wilford makes my skin crawl. What an absolute bastard. If someone pushed him off the train, I would fucking cheer. The cruelty, the calculation, the facade... But that only makes him a more interesting character. Where did he come from? What made him this way? How did he meet Melanie, Miss Audrey, how did those relationships develop?

Melanie’s not perfect but I root for her, although that doesn’t mean she hasn’t got things to atone for - both the first few years on the train, and with regards to her daughter. But although she’s had to make difficult choices, and perhaps lost perspective a few times, she has always acted in the best interests of the train, as far as she can see it. I would like to know what’s going on in her head, or a moment from before the train, or the early years.

I go back and forth on Miss Audrey, but whether I like her or not, she’s certainly interesting. There is clearly a lot to unpack there. She has such a peculiar relationship with Wilford - I’m never sure which one of them holds power over the other - and a seemingly close one with Melanie too. She clearly has a unique skill set and background. Where did she come from? Why has she made the choices she’s made? What has life been like for her on the train?

I don’t really know what I’d be looking for in this fandom. So please, go dark, play. I would be happy for any or all other characters to appear at the writer’s discretion, particularly Layton, Ruth, Miles, Bennett, Javi. There’s nobody I’m not interested in.

Some things in this canon skirt my DNWs around torture and graphic depiction of violence. This is a violent world, I am fine with a violent fic, but I would prefer you avoid depictions of overt gore/torture porn. If you need to allude to something that way out, so be it, but err on the side of caution. I’ll be able to read it, but I think I prefer psychological darkness to anything more... tangible.

[evilswan]

Melanie Cavill in Every Episode - Snowpiercer 1.07 The Universe Is Indifferent

"You know, people seem to think that those in power answer to no one..they're free to do as they choose. It couldn't be further from the truth. The person in power answers to everyone. I make choices not because I want to but because everyone demands it. The train demands it."

[thenightmareofyourdrems]

@toxicmalicex sent: [ chin up ]

                   ˜”*°•.       Questions .  With  countless  of  questions  was  her  mind  suffering  .  Questions  to  which  she  had  no  certain  answers  to  offer -  every  choice  coming  with  a  risk .  Working  with  the  enemy  that  was  apparently  standing  on  the  same  side ,  a  choice  that  had  to be  made  -  for  wasn’t  it  their  only  chance  at  warming  the  Earth ?  Their  only  chance  at  bringing  humanity  back  on  this  planet .  But  the   cost  was  not  trivial ,  it  never  was .  Not  when  they’d  tried  to  convince  Wilford  to  spot  the  warm  lands ,  not  now  that  they  could  create  more  liveable  areas .  And  she  didn’t  like  this  -  didn’t  like  the  idea  of  having  strangers  onboard,  didn’t  like  having  anyone outside.  But  what  were  their  alternatives ? 

Having  seen  their  people  live  outside …  she  couldn’t  believe  it .  Couldn’t  process  it .  Alex  was  alive,  she  was  walking  on  the  Earh  she’d   once  told  her  that  she  had  no  memory  of .  Wasn’t  her  duty  to  give  her  more  of  this ?  More  of  the  life  she’d  been  robbed  of  ?    And  yet ,  as  she  was  going  through  her  things,  the  photos  on  the  inside  of  her  closet  caught  her  attention .  Left  her  standing  there ,  seeing  them  …  Alex  young,  him …  And  for  a  moment,  she  didn’t  move,  couldn’t  take  her  eyes  from  those  pictures.  It  was  not  fair .  Having  everything  taken  away was  not  fair .  And  maybe  she  wanted  to  convince  herself  it  was  fine,  that  the  train  was  more  important  than   feelings,  that  sacrifices  had  always  been  needed  but  she  couldn’t … 

She  didn’t  hear  the  door  open.  Didn’t  see  her  come .  Her  touch ,  Marisa  making  her  look  at  her .  Emotions  of  rage  and  aversion  had  simmered  down ,  however  she  couldn’t  figure  out  what  she  felt .  Couldn’t  understand  whether  she  wanted  to  break  the  contact  or  hug   her,  stay  with  her  for  a  few  minutes  in  search of  security,  safety .   ❝ I  am  fine . ❞  Was  all  she  said  eventually,  not  daring  to  make  a  single  move  -  neither  to avoid  her  nor  to  approach  her .  For  once,  for  a  couple  of  minutes  or  hours,  there  was  no  threat  lurking  in  the shadows .  They  were  safe  -  then  why  all  her  mind  was  telling  her  was  to  flee ?

[thenightmareofyourdrems]

@toxicmalicex sent: 🔪

               ˜”*°•.      Order .  A  word  so  simple ,  yet  its  meaning  complex.  It  was  order  that  people  needed  to  survive .  It  was  order  that  the  train  needed  to  keep  going .  Order  order  order .  But  the  order  was  once  again  creaking  under  the  pressure  of  greed  and  power .  The  body  lying  soulless  on  the  ground  nothing  but  a  horrible  indication  of  that .

❝ It’s  the  second  one  in  three  days . ❞  Came  the  words   simple  -  gaze  not  even  turning  towards  the  approaching  figure .  She  knew  who  it was ,  and  as  much  as  she  didn’t  believe  that  solving  crimes  together  after  their  recent  argument  was  the  brightest  idea,  well …  they  didn’t  have  options . 

[thenightmareofyourdrems]

@fclieadeuxx sent: I guess I'm not the forgiving type

               ˜”*°•.     She  couldn’t  demand  forgiveness  of  the  other .  She  couldn’t  force  good  will  nor  respect  nor  love .  She’d  missed  her .  After  years  and  years  grieving  for  her  lost  daughter,  her  little  girl  was  finally  there .  Alive ,  well .  Her  survival  maybe  nothing  but  Wilford’s  way  of  punishing  her  -  but  did  it  matter  ?  Alexandra  was  alive .  Maybe  distrustful ,  cruel ,  distant,  but  at  least  alive .

❝ I  don’t  blame  you . ❞  Demanding  any  different  kind  of  treatment  would’ve  been unfair,  after  all .  She  should  have  looked  for  her,  she  should  have  made  sure  she  was  on  the  train ,  she  should  have  for  once  spent  a  moment  being  a  decent  mother .   Yet,  she  hadn’t .  And  now  ?  Now  she  assumed  this  was  the  kindest  punishment  she  could  receive .   But  it  didn’t  mean  she  was  going  to  stop  trying .  Fighting  for  her ,  for  them .  It  didn’t  mean  she  was  going  to  give  up  on  her .  But  she  couldn’t  give  up  on  the  train  either .

❝ But if  we  could  spend  just  ten  minutes …  if  we  could  talk …  that  would  mean  a  lot . ❞  Ten  minutes  after  so  many  years  of   nothingness .  How  could  ten  minutes  ever  be  enough ?  

[thenightmareofyourdrems]

@fclieadeuxx sent: 𝔏𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔞𝔩𝔴𝔞𝔶𝔰 𝔠𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔰 𝔰𝔥𝔞𝔡𝔬𝔴𝔰

               ˜”*°•.     A  utopian  world ,  where  peace  and  happiness  prevailed .  A  fair  world ,  where  fear  didn’t  lurk .  Yet ,  a  world  that  was  just  that ;  utopian .  For  even  though ,  she’d  always  wanted  to  believe  that  bringing  justice  and  balance  could  go  side  by  side,  experience  said  otherwise .  A  train  on  the  verge  of  derailing  every  time  a  part  was  missing  or  a  class  was  protesting .  The  whole  humanity  depending  on  how  tortured  the  tail  was,  how  many  people  were  locked  in  the  dorms,  how  happy  the  first  class  was .  It’d  been  a  jungle  ever  since  the  beginning .  And  yet ,  there  they  were  once  more ;  in  the  middle  of  the  chaos ,  seeking  desperately  for  a  way  to  survive.  A  way  that  many  could  perhaps  dislike ,  yet  a  way  that  was  necessary  for  the  world’s  survival .

❝ And  yet,  it’s  our  choice  to  not  stay  in  them  for  too  long . ❞  Shadows  had  always  existed ,  and  would  always  do  indeed .  However,  even  in  the  darkest  of  times,  she’d  seen  this  train  survive ,  live .  So ,  maybe  this  world  was  not  too  bright  maybe  the  happy  moments  were  not  uncountable ,  they  were  still  not  swallowed  by  the  shadows,  though .  ❝ Hope  can  be   a  powerful  shield.  These  people  know  it  well .  ❞

[thenightmareofyourdrems]

@toxicmalicex sent: 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔠𝔞𝔫 𝔶𝔢𝔩𝔩 𝔞𝔱 𝔪𝔢 𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔢𝔯. 𝔧𝔲𝔰𝔱 𝔩𝔢𝔱 𝔪𝔢 𝔥𝔢𝔩𝔭 𝔶𝔬𝔲.

               ˜”*°•.     Together .  After  countless  of  times  that  they’d  threatened  each  other ,  put  the  knife  at  each  other’s  throat , working  together  had  sounded  like  the  wisest  option .  Solving  the  problems  that  occurred  together,  keeping  this  train  alive  together .  Then,  why  hadn’t  she  been  informed  about  the  sick  car ?  Why  hadn’t  she  been  aware  of  whatever  illness  was  currently  threatening  the  entire  butcher’s  car  ?  Food  was  being  produced  there  -  important  food .  And  if  one  walk  there  had  gotten  her  that  sick ,  she  didn’t  even  want  to  imagine  how  bad  it  was  going  to  get .

❝ You  knew ,  didn’t  you ? ❞   Voice  that  barely  escaped  her  lips .  One  day  off .  She’d  taken  one  day  off  and  the  world  seemed  to  absolutely  collapse.  One  day  that  she’d  decided  to  spend  in  the  engine  -  let  Ben  rest  for  once .   But  then  Ruth  had  called  her,   told  her  that  people  were  asking  for  her,  that  some  problem  had  occurred  in  the  butcher’s  car.  And  well …  seeing  sick  people  throwing  up ,  barely  capable  of  standing  up  had  not  been  what  she’d  expected .

❝ Don’t . ❞  She  warned  holding  the  mask  on  her  mouth .  They  couldn’t  afford  having  this  illness  spread .  ❝ We   have  to  quarantine  them .  No  meat  till  we  find  a  cure. ❞   But  would  that  help  ?  Who  knew  how  many  people  had  had  contact  with  them  since  they  got  the  first  symptoms .  ❝ I  saw  them  this  morning .  Whatever  this  is  it’s  too  contagious . ❞  Contagious  enough  to  be  destroying  her  just  twelve  hours  after  exposure .    

[thenightmareofyourdrems]

@flawedxshatteredxsouls sent:  What? No. I'm fine. I....

                   ˜”*°•.      Strength .  Strength  had  always  been  vital  in  the  world  they  lived  in .  Survival  requiring  the  biggest  sacrifices  -  one  wrong  tear  and  the  deadliest  threats  could  emerge .  She’d  known  the  feeling .  Known  how  it  was  to  feel  tired,  exhausted  but  HAVING  to   keep  moving .  How  it  was  to  grieve,  cry  but  NEEDING  to  keep  everything  and  everyone  under  control .   However,  this  was  not  the  life  she  wanted  for  her  daughter .   Alex  deserved  a  calm  life,  a  good  life .  So ,  her  lying  about  her  state ?   It  wasn’t  to  be  looked  past.   ❝ So,  what  is  that  tissue  for ? ❞  She  asked  softly   as  she  took  a  seat  beside  her .    ❝ You know you can talk to me. ❞

[thenightmareofyourdrems]

@toxicmalicex sent: 1️⃣

               ˜”*°•.     Kindly  declining  mr.  Wilford’s  invitations  had  never  been  an  option .  So ,  as  much  as  she’d  opted  out  of  this  celebration ,  attending  it  had  been  seemingly  mandatory .  So ,  there  she  was ;  in  a  hall  abounded  with  Wilford’s  greatest  funders  that’d  be  acting  all  perfect  and  superior .  Seeing  them  raise  glasses  of  expensive  champagne  as  if  they  owned  the  world .  However,  simply  ignoring  them   and  talking  with  a  fellow  engineer  had   of  course  not  been  satisfactory  enough  for  Wilford .  To  meet  a  woman  of  great  interest  had  he  suggested .  And  certainly,  turning  down  the  offer  had  been  simply  impossible .

So ,  he’d  nearly  dragged  her  to  the  other,  even  though  she’d  persistently  said  that  she  was  having  an  important  conversation .  Then  with  a  ‘ two  great  minds  should  better  be  knowing  each  other ‘,  he  left   leaving  the  two  women   in a  pit  of  initial  silence .  ❝ Melanie .  It’s  a  pleasure  to  meet  you . ❞ 

[thenightmareofyourdrems]

@toxicmalicex sent: 𝔦 𝔡𝔬𝔫'𝔱 𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔫 𝔯𝔢𝔪𝔢𝔪𝔟𝔢𝔯 𝔴𝔥𝔶 𝔴𝔢 𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔯𝔱𝔢𝔡 𝔣𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤.

               ˜”*°•.     Power .  Hadn’t  it  been  power  turning  them  cruel  ?  That  desire  for  control ,  for  having  things  done   their  own  way .  A  common  cause  that’d  still  destroyed  them,  though .  Throats  at  knifepoints ,  threats  spreading  across  the  air .  It’d  looked  like  an  endless  war .  One  that  only  death  could  stop .  One  that  was  putting  both  themselves  and  humanity  into  jeopardy .  One  that  she  didn’t  know  how  or  when  they’d  really  stopped.  They  were  still  breathing,  though  -  and  so  was  Snowpiercer .  Wasn’t  this  the  only  thing  that  mattered ?  Everyone  fought  for  what  they  thought  was  right .  She’d  fought  with  Wilford,  with  Marisa,  with  Layton .  it  was  how  they  decided  to  act  from  that  point  on  that  was   significant .

❝ Control . ❞  Wilford’s  own  deepest  desire  grabbing  them  by  their  throats  and  tossing  them  into  the  shadows  of  a  ghost .  Save  Snowpiercer  from  a  hungry  reckless  man   -  but  hadn’t  they  become  him  in  the  very  end  ?  Seeking  to  rule  on  their  own  -  maybe  the  salvation  of  humanity  a  target  that  they’d  shared,  but  how  many  died  in  the  name  of  this  good  will ?   ❝ It  doesn’t  matter  now  but  I  hadn’t  liked  you  ever  since  that  celebration  of  Wilford . ❞  Words  came  more  like  a  joke  -  a  small  smile  accompanying  them .  But  they  were  true  indeed .  This  war  had  started  long  before  they  boarded  this  train . 

[thenightmareofyourdrems]

@toxicmalicex sent: shoots

               ˜”*°•.    Hand  remained  stable .  Even  while  the  bullet  pierced  the  other’s  skin ,  it  didn’t  shake ,  not  even  briefly .  The  perfect  indication  she  would  pull  the  trigger  again  -  a  clear  message  she  was  willing  to  do  everything  for  the  sake  of  this  train .  ❝ Do  you  believe  me  now  ? ❞  Horrible .  Horrible  atrocities  had  they  both   committed.  Torturing  people,  killing  innocents  -  who  was  to  say  they  couldn’t  kill  each  other  too  ?  Monsters  fighting  in  a  jungle,  where  nothing  but  injustice,  pain  and  blood  prevailed ;  had  Marisa  really  thought  she’d  hesitate  using  the  violence  against  her ? Bullet in the leg nothing but a friendly warning.

Disagreements .  Even  before  boarding  this  train ,  disagreements  had  dressed  their  every  conversation .   Different  views,  different  ways ,  even  while  target  was  perhaps  the  same .   ❝ I  am  doing  this  alone . ❞  She  wouldn’t  interfere.  Crown  perhaps  hers  once ,  but  rules  changed  every  day.  Hierarchies  taken  and  turned  upside  down .  The  choice  was  hers ;  they  would  either  do  it  peacefully ,  or  she  would  force  her  out  of  this .