#I need help or examples on what pet names y’all think each character would use

[random0lover]

I struggle so hard with choosing what pet names the guys would use like my constant go to is sweetheart for some reason and I can’t escape it.

I mean in my brain Simon is the only that uses lovie but it’s probably because so many people write him using it so now it’s just ingrained in my brain that he uses it

[ilovechristopheralexandershaw]

What would your ideal drarry fic be? Like, how would they get together, what tropes would be involved, what would be your ideal story line? Any squicks or triggers or things you aren't interested in? Any HC's with the two of them? :D

THIS IS THREE THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY SEVEN WORDS OR SOMETHING HELP ME

Whoo boi, honey, lemme tell you, this answer gave me some s t r e s s. Tumblr, can you just...idk, have a save drafts option for asks? No?

Anyways, back to the point. Snuggle down into your blankets y’all, ‘cause this is gonna be one long post.

What would my ideal drarry fic be? Okay, siriusly, legit anything with angst. Copious amounts of angst. Drown me in the angst. I’m always willing to read an angsty fic, almost always as willing to read a fluffy fic and occasionally have an urge for smut but that’s like…every three months or so lmao. I prefer a story that isn’t based on the size of one’s cock. (Sorry if that’s a little crude). I’m fine with any length of fic, as long as it has a good story behind it and if it hopefully has some heart-wrenching moments that make me feel like I might have a soul after all. I love fics that keep their character – not too much, though – and have them arguing with each other all the time – its more real to me, and makes me laugh. I love drarry because of that, because it’s that ship that will keep their relationship, unlike idk shrek and Fiona who fall for each other and lose their old self completely. Drarry is that ship that stays intact and old and new at the same time, and that’s why I love it. 

How would they get together? I have this vision of the two getting together slowly. First it’s banter, insults, hexing, all the while having miscommunication and some serious pining because I’m an absolute sucker for that shit. As I said, angst. Hate turns to like and death threats to exasperated, witty little replies, private jokes between the two of them – a Malfoy Stinks embroidered on his robes in place of Healer Malfoy.

I love fics where there’s just that one, final leap of – I have to do it, otherwise I’ll never get another chance, I don’t care about the consequences. If it’s a kiss that gets them together, in that ‘final chance’ way, I love it when the other is too shocked, and the first person just loses all hope (I mean until like two seconds later when they’re snogging the life out of each other lmao). Basically just a slow build and all the sass 😊 

Tropes? Okay, I’m gonna admit that even though I’ve been in the fandom for a few months, I still can’t define so much, but I hope most of what I write here is legible.

I love coffeeshop Aus, I find them really cute and sweet, and a blushing Malfoy is always a bonus. Eighth year is my absolute jam, unless it’s a drinking fic in which case no thanks. I love friends to lovers or enemies to lovers – the slow build, especially if the author has timed it perfectly, is just argh, I love it. Pining has been mentioned like a hundred times already but I’m going to say it again just because. Roommates are okay, I guess, but not exactly my go-to. I do like muggle Aus, and even though I think Potter should be a teacher, I enjoy the action in an Auror Partners fic, too. Also uh..oops? This was supposed to be tropes that were involved not the tropes you like you dumb butt. That’s not what Nonny asked.

My ideal storyline for a drarry fic? Not sure if this is what you’re asking but I’m gonna go with it and if I’m wrong then I’m wrong y’know?

As I said, I like fics with pining. I love a number of storylines, but I’m just gonna choose one for this thing since it’s already almost if not over two thousand words (is anyone even reading this? Who cares, I’m having fun) okay I checked its like over 2600 help me. Also this turned out into a fic not an ideal storyline hhhhhhhh

I guess I like fics with slow-building pining, going from meeting together at work or having to work together for some reason in eighth year, or just seeing each other in eighth year. PTSD gets them together, but so does the (admittedly weaker) banter, since nobody understands either of them – the Saviour and the Ex Death Eater. The press is still going off about the war, and everyone has their own ways of coping. Soon enough, they’re friends – (ok let’s pretend this is eight year) and helping each other through the bad days. And soon enough, the insults that hit closer to home for others but not them, the inside jokes, the love of Quidditch, the homework assistance – all this time around each other turns to pining. Malf-Draco, with his white-blond hair and black turtlenecks that he kept even though that was what he wore as a Death Eater. With his now self-deprecating jokes instead of hurtful insults. With his smile, that shows his sneer lines of the past. With his blue-gray eyes. With his knowing smirk when they’ve done one of their own eighth year pranks. Even with his wonky Charms and obsession with stroking the Dark Mark and the way he stops in front of the Room of Requirement every time they pass. And Harry, with his mop of untidy hair and glasses that have had Reparo used on them who knows how many times by now? With his bright green eyes, with his surprisingly pale skin, with the way he disappears into the forest every now and then, staring at the clearing where Voldemort once thought him dead. They pine, they’re oblivious, and finally, Pansy spills it to draco, an exasperated ‘will you kiss him or not’ just as Harry rounds the corner in his invisibility cloak. ‘are you stupid. Pans? We’re just friends.’ (wow ideal storyline this is a mini fic by now what am I doing with life my math sheet is like right in front of me I should be doing that). The questions, that night, in their respective beds. And the finale, with Harry rethinking ‘we’re just friends’ in his head in the final Seeker-to-seeker game, Draco leaning in.

Finally. 

Okay, squicks. Here we go. First of all, I don’t really like fics where they speak really…I don’t know, childishly? To each other eg. too many cheesy pet names (‘Hi hun,’ he giggled, taking the offered plate), since my idea of drarry is a couple that banters all the time, not one that sits around squealing at each other. That’s the main reason I ship them, after all.

Another squick, although this just annoys me more than makes me uncomfortable, is when there’s a fic involving children where the author makes their speech like that of a baby. Five year olds and younger can make legible sentences, so it’s sometimes irritating when eight-year-old Scorpius is saying ‘dada give h-h-hoog’ if you get my drift.

Daddy kink is another thing. If you like it, good for you but personally, I- *shudders* no thanks. It’s just – okay, my dad’s like over fifty, and that’s what I imagine if I think of that. Sex with my dad? I’ll pass. Calling your boyfriend your ‘daddy’? I- no no no just no I’m sorry but no.

Okay, I’ll rephrase. Most, if not all kinks make me uncomfortable – I’ve said daddy already, Parseltongue (just any other language) is just weird to me (it’s not disgusting, I just find it kind of dubious I guess.), any sort of pet play is similar if not worse than daddy kink, choking or breath play sounds more like rape (I’m crude, handle it), lingerie is just hella weird and I don’t even want to know what tentacles are, thank you very much. I’ll stick to my vanilla sex.

Any sort of sex toy/tool use is also a squick (including painful BDSM stuff), but I’m not sure if that’s kink so I’ll just add it here.

I don’t mind OOC fics, but, again, if they’re too soft (unless it’s some sort of caring angsty oneshot e.g. most of @rose-grangerweasleyisbae ‘s ones) then they most likely don’t work with me either. 

Triggers? No, I haven’t read any fics that have triggered me in any way and I’m not sure if I have any. Most are squicks.

Fics, or tropes, I guess, that I’m not interested in would include either one being some sort of Magical Creature (although there are some exceptions – some writers make really good fics with these tropes), and by that I mean any humanoid creature such as a werewolf, vampire etc. Veela especially. Also, anything with mates. (Fun fact, in my first answer that got deleted, I wrote a headcanon fic thing with draco as a bowtruckle since I said I don’t know if that’s a squick bc I’ve never read it and decided to do it for fun)      

Dunno what this is, but I’m gonna include it as well – I also don’t like fics where their entire supposedly ‘loving’ relationship is completely based on sex. I’m okay with it if they’re supposed to be fuckbuddies at that point in the relationship, but if this is what the author is calling their ‘established relationship’, I don’t really like it. 

Any fic that loses the banter after their getting together, where their world and source of happiness is completely revolving around the other – that is also one of my disinterests. As I said, I ship drarry for the sass and banter (and angst). Not the sappy love. 

I don’t really like unhealthy relationships – I read a fic where the whole reason Draco allowed Potter to date him was because he complimented his flying skills, not because he liked him. That’s a really minor example, but basically any fic without actually liking each other or as I said, an unhealthy relationship, doesn’t take my fancy. Unless, of course, they’re fixing it. 

A fic that starts somewhere in the books, eg. third year or something, don’t normally take my fancy, but, again, there is the occasional exception that I turn out to love.

Not exactly Drarry but any poly relationships with the two of them are also a disinterest – I feel like they’re the ones for each other. Dunno if this sounds polyphobic or whatever it’s called, and it probably does, but that’s not it. I just personally don’t think Drarry need another person. Other ships, maybe. Drarry? Not for me. 

Eighth year fics that are based on drinking and drinking games also aren’t my thing (omg there’s like eight million alsos here what am i doing don’t shoot me please (ok i fixed it)). I just don’t like them. 

And fics with any sort of bonding lose my interest pretty quickly, especially sexual magic bonds. Mpreg, as well, again, I’ll read the occasional fic but most of the time I don’t really like it. 

Age difference, again, are something I find strange, and I can go on for hours but this is now around three thousand words and I should stop so y’all can go read your fics lmao.

 And um I’ll give you two headcanons as my way of apologising for the unbelievably late reply

 Harry, lying on the ground, blood dripping from a massive slash in his stomach, chest barely moving, lips slightly parted, tinged red with drying blood

Malfoy, now just a colleague, they’ve lost the schoolboy animosity, hovering over him, wand casting diagnostic spells even though he knows they’re no use – he knows the curse but he doesn’t know the exact variation – and the wrong healing spell will kill the Saviour – he can’t take that chance.

‘Scared, Malfoy?’

His head jerks up, pale eyes widening at the old question thrown back at him. Shoulders slump, his lungs heaving from all he spells he’s cast

‘Yes’ 

Idk just the idea of that final admittance – yes. Idk, just, my heart, man.

Okay headcanon 2 which is more of a fic by this point (someone help me im so bad at headcanons. Like this is all fleshed out in my head but ugh)

Eighth year holidays, Draco is sitting alone at the blazing fire in the common-room, strangely enough knitting, as he talks, friendly but quiet to a surprisingly happy Moaning Myrtle (the common room is where the old bathroom was)

Hermione Jean Granger sits down next to him and he flinches, almost expecting a slap like third year – he’s had hexes from Muggleborns who had nothing to do with the war, and here’s the Saviour’s friend – of course she’s gonna –

She pulls out a massive textbook, quill, inkpot, blotting paper and three rolls of parchmment from her bag, tucks her bushy hair behind one ear, and starts scratching away

He’s surprised, but still too nervous to ask why

It becomes a habit, her sitting there there, him as well, talking to Myrtle, doing Potions work, knitting as well

They start talking to each other, he finds out she Obliviated her parents and doesn’t want to come back just yet, even though she knows the Dark Lord’s gone

She finds out he’s too scared to go home, with all the memories

They become friends of sorts, helping each other when they can

When the holidays end, there are a few double takes, but nobody really questions it. After all, it’s Hermione, she never was too against Malfoy (nobody really saw that slap) and she’s always been a rule-follower. They assume its part of Mcgonagall’s asking for peace between Slytherins and Gryffindors

I mean, Ron does complain about her hanging about the ferret nowadays and not around her boyfriend, but he gets it. Besides, their ‘sessions’, if you will, are always when there’s Quidditch practice for Harry and Ron (they help train the younger years)

So yeah, it’s not too bad (and this isn’t Dramione I promise although I do ship it occasionally)

One day, though, she brings out a bundle of knitting herself. To his surprise, she knits a single sock and puts it in a box

He asks her why

‘For Dobby’

And he remembers. He remembers the strange little house elf, the one he loved as a kid but had no way of showing it. He remembers his father’s hatred of that elf in particular He remembers scowling at the poor thing, ranting to it – it was a way of venting, but in true Malfoy-raised fashion, he’d been so cruel to it as well, laughing as it jammed its fingers in doors, encouraging its pain.

He leaves the common room early that night

Next day, the Golden Trio isn’t there. Hermione (no longer Granger) isn’t there

He knitted a single sock that morning himself. He’d heard the story from their talks. He wanted to contribute. A way of apology, if you will. If it even counted. Today’s the day the elf passed away, and Hermione had said she put a sock in there for everyone

It’s pretty obvious where they’ve gone. He Apparates there after class, and finds the grave easily. It’s got a bundle of Conjured flowers, stems wrapped around the rock that serves as a headstone, and the box of socks is right there too. (what am I doing this is meant to be a short drarry hc and I haven’t even brought potter in yet help)

He starts crying

He spent last night remembering. Remembering how even through all the pain he caused that elf, a single smile, a single ‘thanks for listening, Dobby’ would make the elf bow and weep at his feet. He remembers how cruel he was, how the elf just…took it in his stride. He remembers losing the house elf, realising Potter had stolen something else of his. He remembers

And he lets it go. He spills all of it to a gravestone, apologies and ‘I know it won’t mean anything’ and ‘I didn’t know but that’s no excuse’ and ‘you always listened, how did you always listen?’ and ‘thank you’ and most of all ‘I’m so so sorry’ stumbling over each other as he tries to explain, to finally let it out

He’s crying and sniffling and that’s making it even harder to speak but he needs to say this, even though Dobby is dead, even though he’s apologised to so many people – this is one of the few that listened to him, and he’s treated the elf like garbage.

Tears drip onto the single sock in his hands

It’s hours later when he finishes. Well, not exactly finished, but he’s said enough that he thinks he’s explained himself and said sorry – even though it’ll never be enough. He’s cast a Light Charm (not a lumos ok it’s bigger don’t correct me) and he leans over to put the now-damp sock into the box too. A final ‘I’m so sorry’ and he stands up, turns around

And comes face to face with the Golden Trio

Hermione stares at him, then grabs him in a massive hug

Ron looks at him, slightly awkwardly but at her glare, he offers a tight smile

 And Harry? (wow how long has it taken for me to get here god) is just staring. Openmouthed. Who knew Malfoy had felt this much about a house elf?

And yeah that’s the point where he realises Malfoy isn’t that bad and then they go back to Bill and Fleur’s (Hermione explains along the way that they went back to the grave bc they saw the Charm and were in shock – was Dobby back?)

‘did you hear all of it?’

‘we heard enough, Draco’

 And when they get back to Hogwarts, well, it’s slow building at first. Potions help when Hermione’s out on a date with Ron, a butterbeer in the school kitchens on a Hogsmeade weekend when they want to hide from the public but enjoy the drink

But over time, the pining and the miscommunication and Draco getting back to his (albeit weak) banter with Potter leads to one thing. You know what it is.

Drarry

You know what I’m having fun writing trashy hcs so here’s a third (although it ain’t drarry. It ain’t any ship)

Alright so there is no hairdresser at Hogwarts or Hogsmeade or anywhere near the castle (I mean it was never mentioned in the books was it so this is possibly canon)

Therefore, most kids have to use spells

But we all know that each of us probably has a haircut that is somehow slightly different to one another, and there aren’t that many hair care spells in the world let alone known by a few teachers in Hogwarts

While some kids know exact spells, others, for example, Muggleborns, just use Diffindio

I mean, it gets their hair cut, yeah? That’s pretty much all they need

Of course, Hermione knows each and every spell but let’s not get to that

And Malfoy uses his own spell and a litre of Sleekeazy every morning

But since everyone else cuts their own hair, it looks as bad as each other

And that’s why Harry wasn’t teased too much about his hair (yes, also bc he’s the Saviour bUT STILL)

That’s why Sirius had long hair and etc.

Basically none of the kids at Hogwarts really had good hair and they all looked like Halt from Ranger’s apprentice (also this one is long as heck I could’ve just said everyone uses diffindio and there’s no hairdresser why am I like this)

[askmyboys]

M o r e characters (they aren’t related tho!)

I really should keep up with posting my characters when their done so oop- here y’all go enjoy a good man and a bastard (derogatory) | Name: Gordon Goodman

| Nicknames: Gord, Don, or Gordo

| Gender: He/Him and They/Them

| Age: 30

| Height: 8’2”

| Species/Race: Unknown

| Hair Color: Bubblegum Pink (his hair is usually in a man bun or a ponytail)

| Eye Color: Black (his eyes are literally like googly eyes, the pupils are usually in opposite spots of each other)

| Skin Color/Body Type: He’s pretty pale and he’s VERY lanky and to be honest it almost seems like he hasn’t got any bones in his body the way he can bend, stretch, etc (another thing to note, a lot of his body is just,, l e g s- bigem legs fdjksljfd)

| Appearance: His main outfit is literally a rainbow one, he’s got a rainbow suit on, pants to match and even somehow rainbow looking oxford shoes (he got ‘em custom made) and imma tell you rn it isnt a soft/light/pastel rainbow, its fuckin FULL ON burn your retinas bright- But… If your eyes are sensitive to bright colors he carries around a certain case (it’s got his other outfit that he prepared just in case someone’s eyes are too sensitive and hurt by bright colors) his secondary outfit is a light blue suit vest with a long sleeved light pink shirt underneath it, his pants also match the undershirt and his shoes are pink n blue oxfords (he does wear a pink n blue bowtie as well, it's much more soft light almost pastel colors tbh) They don’t have any inhuman features honestly, no fangs, nothing the only thing inhuman about them is the fact they seem so toon like and can do many things humans just cannot. He also doesn’t have a beard or any sorta facial hair either (hes babyfaced p much)

| Personality: I’ll be blunt, Gordon here is 100% a himbo, he’s super sweet, kind, caring but not very intelligent- he’s got a heart of gold and a smol brain (sometimes he can actually say some intelligent stuff but then like not even a few seconds later he won’t even remember saying any of that) despite being so lanky he seems to be VERY strong as he can pick up very heavy objects that a normal human couldn’t, he can also fit and squeeze into places most people couldn’t thanks to this ability, honestly there’s not much to him backstory wise, he didn’t have no traumatic past or any trauma really! Sure, I mean, there have been people who have been mean n awful to him BUT he still treated them kindly even then, he doesn’t have a mean bone in his body! Not cruel, not sadistic, not evil, none of that! He’s just a Goodman! (heh) a 10/10 boy

Who could do no harm to anyone, if they try to get physical with him he’ll legit just pick them up and hold them in a hug instead like “Shh! It’s okay, we don’t hafta fight…! I’m sure all ya need is a nice big hug!” but ye that’s about it for personality wise stuff.

| Side Facts: Likewise he has a lot of toon abilities, for an example- He has once pulled a flower out of his ear (which made his eyes rattle and roll around before falling back into place) and has handed it to someone, don’t worry the flower was as clean as it could be- It’s not only flowers though, he can pull anything out of his head essentially (bigger items though take a lot out of him and it’s a lot harder to pull those out so pls try to stick with smaller themed items) it’s not that he can’t because if he were determined enough he could pull something as big as a fucking sofa from his mind if he so desired ...but he’s never had to do that before- That’s p much his item summoning ability and how it’s done.

He’s super stretchy, flexible, and even moldable! He’s like a contortionist but probs without any limits whatsoever, he can bend, twist, etc- Hell, bc his body is mostly legs- He can legit without even having to balance on his hands just fall backwards to look at you, he usually has a grin on his face but with him it’s not spooky at all tbh- he’s just a bright, happy, outgoing and friendly dude! He loves to have a smile on his face but more importantly he loves to put a smile on others faces! Now that being said, he does understand sadness is a thing, anger, etc- And it can’t just magically go away, heck- while he doesn’t usually feel much anger- He does get sad sometimes himself! Even if he gives someone a hug, holds their hand, or anything he knows that won’t automatically make everything better or okay, he might be a himbo but if there’s ONE thing he understands it’s feelings and emotions ...Well he understands them to s o m e degree

He’ll be there for anyone who needs him though! If you want a hug he’ll wrap his arms around you! (if it's more of a snuggle, he’ll coil his arms around you ...pLEASE THO- remind him of how you have bones and your much more fragile than he bc he would never hurt anyone on purpose but that doesn’t mean he’s immune to accidents now does it?) or if you need someone to listen he’ll be happy to listen to you! If you need advice? ...H-He claims he’s not good at that but he has intelligent moments there sometimes but then he forgets what he says afterwards but he knows whatever happened it seemed like it helped so that makes him smile!

| Name: Darius Sullivan Gibson

| Nicknames: Dare, Sully, or Gibs

| Gender: He/Him

| Age: 39

| Height: 9ft (he IS hunched over a bit tho so he’d probs be 8’8” since he’s got them boots)

| Species/Race: uH- dEFINITELY NOT HUMAN FOR DAMN SURE

| Hair Color: Black (his hair has got a lil curly bit in front and that’s what I’ll give ya, a lil curly swirl jgfkdslfdj)

| Eye Color: Dark Green

| Skin Color/Body Type: Ghostly pale and he’s VERY large and wide, hims a BIG B I G man, this man is shaped like a fuckin B L O C K fghjdksljfhdk

| Appearance: His main outfit is a long black trench coat (a leather one) he usually doesn’t keep it buttoned either with a dark green turtleneck underneath it, he also wears a black ribbon tie and his pants match his turtleneck and he wears heeled black leather chelsea boots and he also wears a black cartwheel hat, he also wears fingerless gloves that match his turtleneck/pants. He has a fairly thick beard and sideburns (not really a long one but its just,, well, t h i c k) he has long pointed ears, multiple green tongues, some green tentacles (its that dark green shade, bright colors are b a d for him), and even a weird black tail that has a green fluffy bit at the end, and all his teeth are sharp but he has two particular sets of fangs top and bottom in his mouth that stand out more so than the rest of his teeth. And of course, he has sharp black claws as well (even though you can’t necessarily see it on his hands, his fingers are purely black, the best way to describe it is just pure dark energy lmao). And finally he doesn’t really have prominent scars but there’s scars LITTERED all across his body.

| Personality: Oof he’s baad, like- purely disgusting- literally tbh- He’s a smug, cocky, and arrogant bastard- He thinks EXTREMELY highly of himself, perhaps he has a God Complex even tbh- But also when I say he’s purely disgusting, this man smells like so many things and NONE of them are good- he’s also a murderer (it isn’t technically cannibalism but he does eat humans), he’s cruel, sadistic, and evil af- A bad bad slasher man, his favorite weapons are a cane, knives, or guns tbh- But then again those are just favorites- he’ll use ANYTHING he can as a weapon tbh, hell he’d pick up a random human and use them as a baseball bat to another- he’s also flirtatious but in a bad dark way, one example is he’ll flirt with you by literally stating how he’d love to just eat you up ...and you might think oh how sweet but um n o, he means it, just- come near him, stick your arm into his enclosure and see what happens hjfdksjdfks- you’ll be missing an arm-

Would easily use you like a lollipop tbh- oh god he’s gonna commit the b i t e of 87 hjfdkslkjdfs- he’s just, god he’s so awful- i wanna punch my own creation but he could easily defeat me and he would tbh, he’d be the one to challenge and fuckin kill god, there can be o n l y one fjkdclsjkd there is no tragic backstory btw, he’s straight up just a slasher, murders because he thinks its fun and everyone is so weak and pathetic compared to him!

There is no “befriending” this man, BUT… If he does grow “fond” of you then you’d more than likely be nothing more than a mere pet to him and nothing more or a possession even but if you're in his possession, a pet of his… You’ve definitely got the b e s t protection you could ever get in your life ...Well from ANYONE else, from him though? I mean, it's still risky, he IS a killer so just bear it in mind okay?

| Side Facts: Another thing he’d do, bc he smokes a LOT of cigars and I mean a l o t, he’ll legit bend down JUST so he can blow cigar smoke directly in your face, he also might put a cigar out using your head while also calling you a good little ashtray ...the more I talk about him the more I,, hate my own creation- i hate him purely and wholeheartedly

He lives in a place called Shademoor City and more specifically on a street called Brinewood, his street is definitely one for the not so nice ones of the city, like the further you go and closer you get to Brinewood St the more grotesque and nasty everything looks, and his “home” well it’s sorta more like a hideout area- He probs does have a mansion somewhere bc he uh he I S a rich man, what he did/might be doing to earn said money? ...Eh don’t worry about it- but if he does that mansion is EXTREMELY far away from Brinewood Street.

He’s more so a night owl but very rarely will you actually see him in the daylight, the nighttime is just the easiest to strike at, after all- it's so easy to hide within the shadows, hide in the alleyways and wait for unsuspecting prey to walk by.

He has a black cane with a skull on top of it and fun fact, it’s not just a cane haha fuck youuu!! Its also a SWORD B I T C H! (to him, swords are just bigger and fancier knives, either way, it still kills the victim!)

[mypunkpansexualtwin]

Pathfinder Campaign weeks 3, 4, and 5! Partly as one post to keep one dungeon run in one place, partly because I’m lazy and kept putting it off. Once again we had:

@theta-thoughts​ The Benevolent GM (^^)

@actnonsense​ The Kitsune Magus, Yamato Nobuyuki/Akira Kuruso (++)

@babebot​ The Ratfolk Alchemist, Durn (–)

@tobiyond​ The Tengu Rogue, Cial (~~)

and me, The Kval Barbarian, Blink Tehnk (==)

(Those little bits in the parentheses are for when I’m typing out quotes, so y’all know who’s talking. 1 for in character, 2 for OOC. Also, to my gaymers, feel free to reblog with the stuff you remember, or you liked better, or stuff I missed. It’s our game and I like seeing your thoughts too. Since these are from my perspective they get a little Blink centric.)

Week 3

  ^^ “Okay, Tobi wasn’t here last week, anyone wanna give him the summary of everything you found out shopping?”   == “*quick and dirty rundown of everything I remembered, which I’m impressed with remembering as much as I did cause dissociation.* Plus the big stuff got added to the story tab in discord Theta left for us. I’m pretty sure I forgot something though.”   ~~ ”Alright, cool.”   ^^ ”No, yeah, you got it. Wanna go over it again in voice where we can all hear you or are we all good with what they wrote?”   == “Uhhhhhh…..”   ~~ ”Nah, we good.”

Waking up Act again, this time with the ps messenger app, feeling a little bad about it cause I’m well versed in the ways of the fucked up sleep schedule.

  ^^ ”Alright, so Lady Origena has summoned you four to talk about the kobold clan that’s becoming a threat to the city.”   == “THAT’S what I forgot. Tobi, the kobolds are restless.”   ~~ ”Thanks, Momo.”

Theta giving us the rundown on the whole situation as the NPC, asking us if we have any questions, and getting a solid 10 seconds of “Uuhhhhhhhhhhh.” 

Getting to the quarry where the kobolds made their home and immediately getting into a fight. Akira/Yamato using magic match #1 to set a kobold on fire, and watching them jump off the cliff and into the lake 30 feet down.

  = “Oh god durn it.” (After Durn walked out into the open, prompting that fight.)   ~~ “Goddammit Momo.”   == “I’m hilarious.”

Theta showing off the benefits of his newly acquired roll20 premium account and all the neato lighting effects that came with it.

  ++ “Okay, I cast color spray on these guys.”   ^^ “Blink is standing right there.”   ++ “What? He’s tiny, he should be able to duck under it. I’m casting.”   ^^ “Momo, roll a will save…. Okay, you took the blast, but shake the effects off easily.”   == “Oh good.”

Cial also getting a nat 20 on seeing through the “No I’m not a kitsune, we’re two different people” thing that Act has going for Yamato/Akira, but all of us agreeing to go with it anyway.

  ^^ “Guys, don’t split the party.”

Immediately splitting the party when Akira/Yamato takes off after a kobold that bolted but the rest of us stay to loot the ones we beat, then follow a different tunnel.

Nothing especially eventful for most of the route that Blink, Durn, and Cial took except avoiding a small pitfall trap.

Yamato/Akira’s route, on the other hand, had an ambush of like a dozen kobolds.

Switching between us and Act doing our things like some kind of action comedy sequence as we’re talking to a newly found NPC, Nighttail.

  ^ “Help me kill the Chief and let me take over, the rest of these guys will fall in line. You don’t need to kill everyone.” *Hard cut to Akira/Yamato literally setting fire to a group of kobolds with  magic match #2.*   ^ “I can get you around the traps in this area with almost no trouble.” *Cue failed stealth check as he walks into the line of fire for yet another group of kobolds* And so on and so forth.

Getting her out of the trash heap, giving her stuff back, then helping her get her pet velociraptor thing, Hack, back.

  ^^ “Roll knowledge nature.” *two nat 1s from Blink and Durn.*   - “The fuck is a lizard?”   = “Well, I think it has two legs.”

Everyone taking a moment to pet Hack.

  ^^ “Roll perception guys.”   ~~ “Uh oh.”   ^^ “You all notice you haven’t seen Akira in a while.”   ++ “You don’t say.”   = “Shit, we lost Fluffy.”

Hearing Act’s big fight down the tunnel fork we didn’t take before, which was a much shorter, easier trip than he had.

  ^ “Wait, your friend is in there? That’s the room we use to trick stupid adventurers into walking into a crossfire. It’s a complete dead end.”

The group snickering while we help wrap up the fight because the npc (and by extension, Theta) basically just called Akira/Yamato an idiot.

The repeated interaction:     - “I’m gonna throw a bomb!”   + “Try not to throw it at me again.”   - “That was one time! I panicked! I got shot!”   + “Yeah, you don’t see me with the friendly fire.”   = “No, because you tried to blind me with it.”   + “Listen, that is not the same.”   - “Maybe I’m still dazzled by color spray, but I don’t actually see much difference.”

Seriously, some variation of that argument was had at least 3 times each session between David, Act, and me.

  ^ “I’m sure you’re here to free the slaves my clan has taken as well.” Yes, we are absolutely here to do that. Definitely the main reason why we came.

Getting into a fight with the kobolds keeping the human slaves penned up and killing them all. (The kobolds, not the hostages, although we did have a brief scare with a missed shot.) Blink being deeply bothered by killing the one about to surrender because that’s what happens when you’re Good.

Durn and Akira/Yamato demolishing a group of rats that came up behind us as we were getting ready to lead the people back to town. Neither Cial or Blink even had a chance to react before they were all dead.

Week 4

Going deeper into the cave system and literally dropping in on a kobold while he’s fishing. Blink charging in and hitting him in the kneecap so hard he passes out. 

Cial touching things with his little crow feet. Standing on dead bodies and squishing his toes, dipping his feet into the water in the caves, at one point using his foot to save a teammate from falling into a pit, that sort of thing.

Foiling an ambush that would have dropped us into water traps with snapping turtles. Accidentally knocking one of the dead kobolds into the water and finding out that they were most definitely carnivorous snapping turtles.

Theta talking to himself to make NPCs interact. (That one is pretty much a given in every campaign.)

  = “I won’t argue with y’all about killing these guys since they were grabbing slaves, but since they’ll fall in line when we get Nighttail here put in charge, I’m sticking with nonlethal until we get to Chief Dicksplat.”   ^ “Hah! Yes, Chief Dicksplat!”

Blink is Tiny and can therefore occupy the same space as other creatures and it is in fact the only way he can land a melee attack. However, when using a sling, it is not recommended. For example, he might miss and accidentally almost break Durn’s kneecap. That is not hypothetical. He felt terrible.

  - “It’s okay, it’ll heal. (–) And I’d be a real jerk if I kept bringing it up.”   ++ “Listen.”

The party briefly splitting up again to check the room, thankfully not going very far this time.

Cial apparently being Blink’s lucky charm when it comes to finding sweet sweet loot. Or vice versa. Either way, they found the armory.

  ~ “The rest of you guys can take what you like, but I’m keeping the masterwork longsword and selling it.”   = “I could use it, but that’s cool. Dibs on the sling bullets though. All 120 of them. Plus a backup sling cause there’s 4.”

Cial dejectedly passing the sword off to Blink cause he can use it and it’s also better than his mace, plus Cold Iron is good against demons. Blink has a thing about demons.

Returning to Yamato/Akira and Durn to find an ancient kobold on his deathbed with long-term storyline info.

Theta playing the audio for said info, someone’s mic picking it up on discord, and creating an echo which made the foreboding exposition about 10000% more fuckin foreboding. Couldn’t have planned that shit. Unfortunately it made him basically impossible to understand, but Theta kindly transcribed it into the chat too.

Durn checking a closed but unlocked room ahead of us while stealthed and finding a dead-end room full of gigantic dire rats. Immediately needing them as pets.

  + “Does he see these rats at like… puppies or something?”   = “Probably more like how humans see monkeys.”   + “… How the hell do humans see monkeys? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a monkey. Pretty sure any monkey back home would have been made lunch immediately.”   = “Well I’ve gotten compared to little ones with mixed reactions. My guess is they usually think they’re cute judging by the fact they called me "freaky bald blue monkey thing.”   + “That… doesn’t seem like a sign of affection. But I can see your point, sorta.”   = “Well y'know, if they had to specify "freaky thing” they are not usually… blue and bald. With horns. And huge teeth. My impression is they’re supposed to be cute and funny. And before you get smart with me, I know that I’m very much not cute or funny.“   + "Did… did anyone else here an explosion?” (Durn was using some of his alchemy bombs.)

Half an hour later, Durn walking out with one drugged, slightly dazed, but loyal dire rat, now named Pickles. (Blink’s suggestion, made at random.)

Almost immediately walking into another crossfire booby trap.

  ^ “Did he just hit me with one of our bullets?”

  ~ “Lemme just straddle Blink here so I can line up my shot.”   == “Kinky. Or it would be, if there was anything to straddle.”

Having the party drag me along by my tail after that fight so I can set up macros for my new sword in roll20 and immediately coming up against a miniboss. Who summoned skeletons. That have high resistance to piercing and slashing damage. Like a sword would do. But are weak against bludgeoning damage. Like a mace would do. Like the mace that I had just unequipped and put in my bag.

  ^^ “Akira, you recognize the spell she just used as a protect spell that increases her AC against good-aligned characters.”   + “She cast protect good, not realizing that half of this party doesn’t give a shit and are just here for the money/adventure.”   - “Hah!”   ~ “Shit.”   = “Oh goddammit.”

“Nighttail” reminding us that since skeletons are undead, healing hurts them. Blink using one of his potions and finally damaging the skeleton he was up against.

  ^^ “The sorceress uses a spell and restores the hp of her minions.”   = “Well that just wasted my damn potion.”

Blink standing there basically just taking a beating so his skeleton doesn’t try and go after someone squishier.

  ++ “I’m gonna use my last match on her.”   ^^ “Alright. Aaand…. She made the save. She pats out the fire easily and gives you a dirty look.”   ++ “Well, fuck.”

The fight looking pretty grim until Nighttail and Hack charge in a second time (they missed the first time) and fucking skewer the sorceress beating our asses.

Blink basically immediately falling in love with her right there and being deeply confused and perturbed by this because this is a New Feeling he has no name for. When you spontaneously manifest fully formed and live for over a century and a half, you think you’ve got yourself figured out. New is nerve-wracking.

Cial getting dibs on her cloak of resistance, which Akira points out should have a big hole in it. GM rolls a d1 and says “nah dude, magic.”

  ^^ “Alright it’s late enough I’m not gonna add up all your experience for this run, but I know you all were really close to leveling so go ahead and start working on that and if you guys want we can roll for your next magic items.”

Blink got a Saddle of Transformation, which turns any creature you put it on into a horse, and the wearer can’t take it off by themself. Yes, it works on humanoids.

Durn got a Preservative Jar. “Anything placed in this jar enters stasis. Cannot hold anything bigger than a toad. Currently holds a toad.” 

Akira/Yamato got a Seed of Moon Ice. If dropped in a body of water, will “freeze” an area up to 20’ diameter. If swallowed, you die. If touched, save or die. Leaves awesomely frozen corpses that are not cold to the touch and never thaw.

Can’t remember for the life of me if Cial got one this run or what it was, but last time he got the Wand of Necromantic Cooking, which can enchant a corpse or cut of meat to cut, prepare, marinate, and cook itself. A slaughtered pig will seek out gravy to roll around in. Sausages will jump into the saucepan, and then seek out your plate when cooked. Which sounds awesome, I’d love that in real life.

Week 5

Late start by a few hours, partly due to scheduling, partly because I was the only good little cookie who actually did their dang leveling. (Admittedly I did that mostly because I didn’t wanna forget to do all the stuff I needed to switch over to the Titan Mauler archetype. When you’re Tiny, it pays to have bonuses against enemies bigger than you, because that’s pretty much everything we fight.)

While doing my changes, I double checked my weapon damage types. Apparently there were four slings for a reason. At least we know that for the next time we run into skeleleletons.

  == “I already did my character stuff, Theta, do I get a sticker?”   ^^ “Yes.”   == “Yaaayyyy, stickers!”

Akira/Yamato getting to level 3, meaning he gets his black blade, which is a sentient sword that’ll get more powerful and more full of itself as he levels. This took the form of a cane sword that he found in the base of the statue that the miniboss was praying at before she was so rudely impaled interrupted.

  ^^ “…And reflects the user’s personality.”   == “What? No, I’m a cane not a sword, that’s the other guy. Frankly I’m insulted you’d even insinuate such a thing.”   ++ “I… well shit. Yeah.”

Akira growing a second tail. The meaty crunching noise described was gross and disturbing.

  ~ “Should you be picking up the sword that came out of the statue that the evil sorceress was praying to?”   + “Pshh, it’ll be fine. It’s calling to me, I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to have this.”   == “In pathfinder game, sword seduce you.”

Finding the Guards of the Future, which initially intrigued us because Durn failed his stealth check and they didn’t immediately attack us.

The literal squealing in delight from me, Tobi, and David when a kobold baby darted out from behind the guards and hugged Durn, making him very homesick for his own siblings. (Admittedly the squealing was mostly me, and I’m counting it all as “in character” especially cause babies are a novelty for Blink.)

The guards warning us about a nasty trap up ahead in return for us leaving the babies alone. Seriously, this trap would have shredded us in a ball of fiery death. Instead, Durn disarmed it and we each got 3 flasks of Alchemist’s Fire.

Promptly using that fire on a handful of guards between us and the dungeon boss and setting like 4 of them on fire. It was nice that we were the ones who got to make the dramatic entrance for once.

Another instance where Theta played dialog from a character and the echo made it super foreboding, but also almost completely unintelligible. Thankfully another transcription was provided.

  == “Alright, I’m gonna use my detect evil spell-like, cause I get bonuses against evil characters.”   ^^ “Every enemy in this room is Lawful Evil.”   == “Yessssss. I’m gonna rage too, these guys are fucked.

Killing the guards that were on fire before the fire actually had a chance to do any damage.

Cial squishing his toes in burnt corpse.

Chief Roaghaz making illusion clones of himself, and me having the idea to ask if my detect evil would still show him or if all of them counted. Didn’t work, but it was a solid plan.

Blink yelling his permission to Durn to throw another flask of Alchemist’s Fire at the swarm of boss. That Blink was standing directly under.

  - “You sure?”   = “Do it!”   ^^ “Roll a reflex save, Momo… You dodge it and take no damage.”   = “Fuck yeah!”   ^^ “And three of the illusions disappear.”

Blink having the time of his damn life because of the rage, killing evil, and dodging friendly fire entirely unscathed for the second time that day. Less pleased about missing all his attacks of opportunity. (And I didn’t make any jokes about missed opportunities. Which feels like exactly that.)

  ^^ “Roaghaz’s teeth grow to immense size and he tries to take a bite out of Nighttail. He really seems to have it in for her.”   - “He’s a vampire!”   ^^ “No, it was all his teeth that grew, not just the two.”   – “Oh.”

Continuing to beat on Chief Dicksplat and wondering more than once how many hit points does this asshole have?

Theta talking to himself some more to make Nighttail and Roaghaz argue with each other while they fought.

Act (Akira/Yamato) using up his hero points to finally just fucking kill the bastard.

Finally just fucking killing the bastard.

The Guards of the Future coming in after the fight, relieved to find Chief Dicksplat dead and satisfied to put Nighttail in charge. Babby kobold happy to see Durn again.

  = “Well I was gonna butcher this guy here to add to my rations, but there’s guards and a kid here, so I don’t think I’m comfortable with that anymore.”   ^^ “The guards usher the child back to her room and Nighttail follows them to go and get things sorted out.”   == “Thank you.”   ~ “I can use my wand if you want, he’ll butcher himself.”   = “Nah, I’m good. This is my favorite part.” (Kval can eat pretty much anything and Evil is especially tasty.)

Getting like two rations’ worth of meat off of him while the others search his stuff, and finding dragon’s scales among his things. Definitely not foreshadowing.

Divvying up the Chief’s stuff between us, but Blink not really paying attention besides the cash because he didn’t really have anything he wanted. Akira/Yamato got a scroll to add to his permanent spellbook though, so that was cool. Basically an upgraded version of color spray, less thrilled about that.

Getting back to Lady Origena to explain the whole situation and ending up kinda babbling over each other. She’s not convinced until Cial steps in and explains in a concise manner that none of the rest of us were able to.

Akira/Yamato going back to talk with Bassy, the gnome woman from week 2 to regale her with the story, and the rest of us stocking up for our next adventure.

And that session wrapped up Chapter 1 of the long-term campaign. We did more for Week 5, but I’m gonna make that the beginning of next week’s post for the sake of keeping the next dungeon together.