#I need to eat tho because I really have been working on these vinyls and moving furniture and cleaning my apartment

[yourxguardian]

There’s nothing like the feeling of feeling you’ve always been kind of okay but not good enough at writing and understanding your muse but then a headcanon you’ve had for your muse for YEARS is mentioned in the movie.

[androgynousfirewizard]

Things I do/need to do to avoid binge eating

Putting this down more for.me as a reminder, but if anything is useful than that's okay. It's mostly the same advice you see around anyway.

- I play walking dead or minecraft on my Xbox 360. Or skyrim, I want to start playing it again.

- Play some tunes from my favorite cd's / vinyl

- start collecting crap idk. I watch movies and have been collecting for over a year. I have A hek ton of them. Lots of good stuff. Some cd and I just started collecting vhs tapes too.

- Drinking diet soda is definitely a great way for me to curb a craving ! It's amazing

- Doing a whole morning and night routine. Especially when I am fasting. I just get out of the kitchen and infant of a mirror. It's a good reminder for me what eating does to my face. I get bad breakouts and when I am fasting my face clears up.

- Going on a walk to the park. That is fun.

- Going walking to the mall and window shopping or if you have money avoid food courts or anything like that. Buy something cool.

- The biggest thing for me to have to remember, is to remove that "all or nothing" mentality that I have. Ok, maybe you ate a food you are tryna stay away from, maybe you ruined your diet. But just a little. Doesn't mean that I have to go all out crazy. A new thing that I do is I fast for a bit to make me feel better about it. No binging YOU'LL FEEL WORSE!!

- creating a good vibe atmosphere. Like when I am going to watch a movie, I know what the movie is, I kinda make my room the same vibe as the movie. And same with listening to an album. I pop on a vinyl or cd and get those vibes around and it is pretty meditating.

- Dancing on YouTube. Putting on a workout dance video or "how to" in a dance style I am interested in. YouTube really REALLY helps you to learn. I learned some dance moves I always wanted to learn. I have been working on my Charleston. Like if you can't afford dance class YT is the real deal. Ballet classes, jazz class, etc..

- cleaning and listening to music. Try not to sit out cravings bruv. Sometimes that is just not the way to go. Cleaning and dancing it up and sticking to getting a chore done really helps me to get my mind off food. It is a lifesaving distraction.

- organize a thinspo folder. People that I would like to dress like. And yeah.

- look around antique, outlet or thrift stores. I never get tired of that.

- write poetry, write a song.

- draw more often def work on that.

- work on a painting even if you don't know how to just create art.

- learn how to knit/crotchet

- I need to play my guitar more often it is so fun need to stick to that.

- learning a language I am tryna learn Spanish and Portuguese.

- get a job. I am applying I quit my other job. I am looking for an active and outside job. (I hate working indoors. I love experiencing the weather. And just being outside because I am in my home alllllll dayyy. I hate the heat tho. But my summer job outside got me used to it. I hate being outside in 100 degree weather, but I actually got used to it. Which is surprising I am always complaining about the heat. But yeh.)

[kraiyan]

i made my own little headcannons to fit in if michael and jeremy were dating and a bunch of other stuff that i don’t want to spoil so take my headcannons and please don’t pay attention to my overuse of the words ‘so’ and ‘like’

i wrote this headcannons for me in my notes so there are mentions of panic/anxiety attacks, light mentions of an eating disorder, nightmares, and self harm but i’ll just put a trigger warning for when those parts show up and if i missed anything that is triggering please let me know

- michael is trans and gay and jeremy is bisexual

- i think they would’ve been friends since kindergarten so they grew up telling each other EVERYTHING

- i feel like michael was really girly as a kid but in like 6th grade he just completely switched to like tomboy but he didn’t do on purpose it just happened

- then in seventh grade michael told jeremy he wanted to be a boy then after that with help from jeremy he came out to his moms

- michael had a crush in jeremy since 7th grade but i don’t think jeremy was his first crush

- i think since michael was straight when he was a girl he just assumed he was straight as a boy and his sexual awakening was captain sparklez

- michael has two moms and jeremys mom would’ve died in a car accident so it’s just him and his dad

- i imagine they confessed to each other in their second year of high school

- (TW: mentions of abuse) jeremy realized he liked michael in freshman year and it was really bad he could not stop thinking about him so when he got squip squip l would not stop punishing him for it

- so jeremy definitely has some problems with his bisexuality

- after years of pining for each other when they finally kissed jeremy could not stop panicking about it

- like they went to sleep fine but he was internally panicking and he tried to keep it together but the next day he absolutely broke just started sobbing saying over and over again “is this okay, are we okay”

- michael is the type to listen to a vulgar music to help his dysphoria

- so him and jeremy are in his car michael plugs in his phone and just starts singings “hoes want to be seen with me and i like their big thick titties”

- and jeremy can do nothing else but be like michael what the fuck

- they decided to keep their relationship a secret and not tell anyone bc of jeremy still coming to terms with himself and he didn’t think his dad would understand

- but i feel like michael moms had already pieced together that they were dating and jeremy didn’t mind that they knew bc they’re literally lesbians but every time jeremy came over from that point forward they had to keep their door open

-(TW: mention of an eating disorder) in a different angstier au jeremy would struggle with eating as a control thing after squip

- (TW: mention of an eating disorder) in an angstier au michael would have an eating disorder cause dysphoria

- i feel like once he realized he was trans he had really bad dysphoria but like with therapy and stuff he got over it

- so i think michael really liked afycso and had it on a vinyl and now jeremy knows all the words

- they don’t do anything at school because jeremy is still uncomfortable so they just pursuit their relationship between closed doors and michaels car in an empty parking lot

- i feel like they both got really excited when michael got referred to as sir for the first time

- jeremy and michael grew up together but ironically when puberty hit michael started to wear baggy clothes than he wore a binder than he wore super baggy clothes to hide his tits after coming out but during squip he had time to self reflect and work on his dysphoria so when jeremy saw michael outside of school he kinda said TITS and was so caught off guard by them

-(TW: mentions of self harm scars) i think michael has sh scars due to losing his childhood best friend and the whole panic attack in the bathroom thing and jeremys seen them but didn’t bring it up to michael because they’re fading so he obviously doesn’t do it anymore but it was a huge shock for jeremy to find out

- they never brought it up tho and it was never discussed bc who cares it was in the past

- michael pants his nails black and i think on some very rare occasion jeremy would paint his nails too (like the way karl paint his) and michael has lots of nail polish cuz on the rare occasion he paints his nails different colors and he repainted his nails every two weeks

- no matter how many times michael has changed in the same room as jeremy even let jeremy help take off his binder jeremy will never not get shy when he changes and will always ask to go into another room

- jeremy is a coffee person but not hot coffe because he always drinks it too early and burns his tongue

- he originally bought his hoodie™️ in really huge size to battle dysphoria but that just made the hoodie last for years

- jeremys name in michaels phone is something very gay and lovey and shit and michaels name on jeremys phone is just michael :)

- jeremy would come home all suspicious and and red faced after him and michael came from an empty parking lot that his dad would not stop begging him to meet this girlfriend of his

- i don’t think jeremy told his dad him and michael were playing a game or something and they kiss jeremys dad comes in and is like what 😦

-and his dad is shocked that he has been pushing girlfriend but he has a boyfriend and is just soooooo awkward about it and never sees michael the same but never makes any rules about them bc he doesn’t want to be homophobic 😭

- i don’t think he was really not supportive but it took him a bit to get used to it but it was so new to him and he was just so phased he just kinda talked to jeremy about his sexuality then left it at that

- they are like gendebend bubbline (marshal lee and the other one yk)

- michael has a queen vinyl the listen to a lot

- so i think michael would still smoke a bit and one time he convinced jeremy to do it with him and jeremy mainly coughed a lot then they just made out the rest of the time but they didn’t tell their parents they would be staying out after school and they both got in trouble

- michael gets blue raspberry and jeremy gets cherry but he also gets coke sometimes too (slushy flavors)

- at the beginning of their relationship they had to take it really slow so that jeremy would feel coqmfortable

- (TW: mentions of panic attacks) so jeremy has nightmares of squip and he wakes up having panic attacks and it’s really tiring bc he only gets 2 hours of sleep if he has these nightmares

- (TW: mentions of panic attacks) i feel like along with his nightmares he also had panic attacks that squip would punish him for pursuing a relationship with a guy let alone michael

- so after he got over his nightmares he just struggled with sleeping and nighttime in general like just fear around going to sleep

- so he often stayed up alll night to avoid sleeping and would like go to bed at 6 or on a good day 4 or 5

- so i think to get over his fear he had to make a routine first he would make some sort of hot drink or just water (mostly sleepy time tea) then he would text michael that he was going to sleep he also wears the same pajamas every time he goes to sleep just to make sure the routine really works then lastly he reads a comic book then he goes to bed

- i think the reason jeremy couldn’t sleep well after getting over the nightmares is because even if squip doesn’t haunt him enough to show up in his dreams anymore it still haunts him enough to stress him out constantly so he doesn’t sleep well

- to conclude the nightmare and sleeping saga jeremy basically has a night routine and sleeps with a night light

- i feel like they both go to therapy but we’re to scared to tell each other (and they both started going to therapy before they started dating)

- so fast forward they’re dating and are trying to plan a date and jeremys like i’m busy on monday at 1 and my dad needs me to help him with something on tuesday so how about wednesday at 3 and michaels like i have somewhere to be like at 3:30 and jeremys like where do you have to be and michaels like where do YOU have to be and so they count to three and say where they’re going to be and they both say therapy and then they’re like you go to therapy i think that would be so cute

- so michael has really thick glasses like his vision is awful so if jeremy is mad at michael he would wake up early and move his glasses over so michael would have to struggle to get out of bed and look for them with his poor ass vision

- he can see things right in front of his face but as soon as it moves a bit too far it’s blurry

- and speaking of his galsses if they’re really kissing along the way jeremy would take of his glasses so they could get closer to each other’s faces (like how elle and tao do in heartstopper )

- michael and jeremy have been friends way too long to not have practiced kissing with each other

- i think christine was a long time crush for jeremy so he definitely practiced kissing michael a lot since they were in 6th grade and michael was just soaking that shit up

- he’d be like what if she wants to make out we should practice that and jeremys like oh yeah you’re right and michael would be so freaking happy

- but they definitely got caught by jeremys dad and he laughed it off cause what else are you meant to when your 11 year old son and his 12 year old best friend are kissing each other

- they didn’t do it anymore after that cause they were soooooooooo embarrassed

- so i don’t talk about the rest of the characters but i’m about to make a headcannon including them so i’m gonna say my headcannons

- so chole is demisexual and panromantic

- brooke is a lesbian

- rich is bisexual and trans

- jake is pan

- jenna is questioning or straight

- and christine is aro/ace

- so i think jeremy and christine dated for a bit then christine broke up with him cause she was all like i can see the way you look at michael and also because she realized she was feeling intense platonic attraction not romantic

- and also i think they’re all friends so they have a group chat where they send homework answers and stuff

- so i think one time jeremy is doing his nighttime routine but this particular night he’s really tired so he texts michael goodnight bby <3 love u then skips the comic book reading and goes to bed but he sent it to their group chat so as soon as he got situated into bed all he hears is his phone going off so he has to check and it’s just everyone freaking out

- so he like fully sits up is looking at his phone in complete shock then realizes he never said a name so they are like who’s this mystery girl

- so he calls michael tells him about the situation then decides he’s ready to come out

- so the next day they’re more handsy then usual like jeremy wiped something off his face michael saw that he was cold and pulled him real close and their friends are like okayyyyy

- but mind you christine knew that jeremy liked michael so she knew exactly what was happening

- so at the end of the day their friend group is making plans to hang out but everyone was busy so jeremy goes well i’ll see you guys tomorrow waves at everyone kisses michael then starts walking to his house then michaels like yea i’m gonna head home to and like drives away and from that day forward their friends would not stop teasing them and were impressed they could keep there secret for so long

- so i feel like michaels moms both have jobs that run late so mom #1 is an er nurse and mom #2 is an account so this leaves michael a lot of time of being alone in his house so naturally you need to take advantage

- so one time mom #2 gets home and walks in just to see jeremy fully on the counter making out with her son

- i don’t think they got in trouble but his mom was like please not on the counter

- and then there was another time where mom #1 came home on her break cause she doesn’t live far from the er so she like yells to michael that she’s home

- and so naturally you come down to hug your mom so he comes down to greet his mom with a red faced jeremy behind him and his mom thought this was so fucking funny but as soon as she’s done laughing she immediately goes anytime jeremys over the doors open and that was the end of it

- everyone has this one thing that someone does that make them all blushy and stuff

- for jeremy it’s when michael wears fitting clothes cause michael is known to wear hoodies or just baggy clothes in general so when michael does get hot and needs to like put something on he puts on one of those body fitting v necks and jeremy losses his shit like he’s fully blushing and avoiding eye contact and since michael changed cause he was hot he’s sure that jeremy is so hot that his face is turning red and he’s embarrassed to say to take off his cardigan so the entire time jeremy is being full homo for his boyfriend michael is thinking he’s about to pass out from a heat stroke

- so i think jeremy enjoys this so much that for the first week of spring michael will only wear fitted clothes because jeremy loves it

- for michael it’s when he’s kissing jeremys neck and jeremy runs his hand thru his hair and pulls it a little when this happens michael loses all common sense one because jeremys enjoying himself so much that he has to kinda tug on michaels hair and two he’s enjoying it so much he doesn’t have time to think that squip is going to punish him and that makes michael just lose his mind so by the time they’ve pulled apart jeremy as sooooo many hickies and they both look at each other like what the fuck did we just do

- moving right along i feel like when jeremy wakes up at night and is terrified to go back to sleep if him and michael are sleeping together he will like hug him until he gets back to sleep and it works every time

- when they were like 7 jeremy got really sick with the flu and michael was so scared that he was going to die so he kissed him while he was sleeping because if his best friend was gonna die so was he and the next day he got really sick with the flu and jeremy would not stop crying because he thought that since michael refused to leave his side he got him sick…they’re idiots

- jeremy is the type to go to school with the worst fever ever he could throw up in the middle of the school day and still not go to the nurse and if he got sick during junior year forget it you had to strap him down to his bed if you wanted him to take a day off like michael had to sedecue him into staying in bed and taking medication so that he could feel better

[escapewriter]

pairing : yunho x reader

synopsis : yunho’s new school life isn’t as simple as it seems

genre : angst, school au, hella sarcasm tho

word count : 2.3k

warnings : lying lol, a bit dramatic too ngl

song playing : lie to me by 5sos (inspired)

a/n : i split these into two parts. the first part i wrote was early mornings or christmas at like 2am. second part i finished the whole thing at 1:30-2am. its always the time that plays a roll in these fics i swear. anyway, i guess its kinda sad? the sarcasm kinda cancels it out cuz pemdas but i hope you guys enjoy it lol. also this isnt proof read cuz i JUST finished it.

ateez masterlist || main masterlist

NOTE : italics is like the events that happened and the regular font is what yunho is thinking ig lol

“Alright, I got a question for you.” Yunho turned his head on the backpack he was laying on to look up at you sitting against the wall, “Have you ever felt, ya know, loved?” There was a slight pause in the air as he sat up, leaning on his forearms while making some sort of ‘tsk’ sound.

“Ha okay okay, next question, do you think about it? Like what it feels like?” He hummed, not knowing how to answer the question. Instead, he wondered how you came up with it in the first place. Were you going through something?

“You good there? You’re not sounding too well.”

“Oh shut up, its a genuine question because I have never seen you in a relationship.”

Yunho scoffed and lied down again, thinking about how ridiculous you sound, “Okay first of all, I’ve only known you for, what? Like 2 months? And second of all, I don’t need to be in a relationship to know what it’s like to feel loved.”

“Cap. There’s a difference between family love and relationship love. And how dare you criticize our 2 month long friendship? You know I’d do anything for you.”

His ears perked up, thinking about what you would do for him. “Anything, you say?” You hummed, taking a bite out of your sandwich. “Alright then, do this for me. Anytime I tell you to lie to me or if I ask if you love me, you say ‘I love you’, and then, maybe, I’ll be able to answer your question. Simple, right?”

But it wasn’t that simple at all, because before he knew it, Yunho just dug his own grave.

Oh yeah totally, that’s already a red flag right there and he knew that but he did it anyway which was the problem. He was hoping that you would show him what it was like to feel loved, and honestly, it actually worked. But that’s not the point here.

The point is, Yunho is having a whole story narration in his head and he isn’t even talking in first person. That’s the point.

But as he continues to think - and also continues to talk in third person - maybe he should be starting from the top. Obviously that whole picture reenactment scene was how it started, but he’s going to dive down deeper. Going back to two months before that scene, so buckle up, it’s going to be a hell of a ride.

Yunho sighed, staring at the building in front of him. He wasn’t sure why his parents decided to suddenly make him move schools, he was perfectly fine with the one he was at before. He dreaded to go in as he didn’t want to ask anyone for directions to the location of the office. Gosh, making friends will be even more difficult for him.

Taking a deep breath, he managed to take the big step of walking through the gates as he made his way through the hallways, all while attempting to avoid eye contact with anyone who looked his way - except everyone was in class already. However, after roaming the hallways, Yunho managed to locate the administration office.

Okay pause. He didn’t mean to get that into detail. Come on Yunho, speed it up a bit will ya? Again with the third person, really?

After speaking with the principal and getting situated with his class schedule, Yunho was assigned a particular student, aka you. What you instructed by the principle was to get him comfortable with his surroundings and fellow classmates. You were honestly dreading this because you didn’t want to have to babysit the new kid, and quite frankly, Yunho didn’t want a babysitter either. But the universe has its ways because there you two were, just two months later, eating your lunch and talking about love.

“Woah there, what? You call that simple?” Yunho simply shrugged his shoulders without a care in the world. “Yunho, wouldn’t it be better to hear it from someone who means it?”

Well, now that he thinks about it, yeah it would, but he can’t turn back time.

“I mean, I guess but either way, it’s nice to hear it, even if it feels empty, it feels good. Ya know? Like someone appreciates you.” He didn’t know what he was saying or why he was saying it, but all he knew was that he wanted to hear it from you and only you.

Maybe that’s when he knew he started to develop feelings for you. He only wanted you to say certain things to him and only him, but he knew they were empty. And it also felt good to be impulsive for reasons like this:

Yunho called for your attention away from your phone. You looked at him as he leaned on his forearms again shooting you a smirk, “Lie to me.” You hesitated, thinking that it was wrong, but it was also something he asked you to do for him. But it wasn’t like you haven’t said those three empty words before, he just doesn’t know who YOU are yet.

You gave him a soft smile, “I love you.”

So, at that point on, it was a sealed deal for the two of you. There weren’t any dates, no gifts, no anniversaries, just plain ‘I love you’s’ that you’d only say when he asked. It was a secret that no one knew about, and there were more secrets too, but he’ll get to that later. But either way, it was stupid of him to get involved, right? Why is he asking, no one’s listening to him anyway. Just continue the story Yunho.

Time began to pass as Yunho continued to dig his hole of death.

Or just continued to fall in love with you - in case no one understood. Again, who is he talking to?

The only times you ever hung out with Yunho were during the many classes you had together and lunch. Everyone knew you were table partners and lunch buddies, but because Yunho didn’t have that many friends - or just no friends except you - he didn’t hear about any rumors of you. No one was able to warn him about you.

No, it’s not a kdrama where the main lead or second lead is the bad guy or the ‘heartbreaker’.

You were never good at love. You were good at faking it, per say, but any relationship you were in, you could never find yourself to actually fall for the other person who did. It frustrated you more than anything because all of your exes are amazing people and deserve more. But because you couldn’t feel that love spark, you just lied to them in fear of hurting them without saying those three words back. You were a liar.

But times were different with Yunho. The obvious reason that he asked you to lie to him about loving him. It felt violating because it was something you weren’t exactly used to. Sure you’ve said it many times without meaning, but this time, it was just different, and maybe you did find yourself actually putting meaning to it after some time.

But it only got worse the second your friend found out.

“You’re kidding, right?” You shook your head. “Oh my god, and you agreed?” In disbelief, your friend couldn’t process what he was hearing right now. The shock immediately vanished as an evil smirk rose onto his lips, “So just to clarify, you don’t like this Yunho dude, correct?”

Well, they didn’t call you the liar for nothing.

“No, I don’t like him.” His smirk only got wider as you tried to hide the distasteful look on your face when you heard his next words.

“Let’s make a bet. You actually get him to fall in love with you just by saying those words, but you can’t fall for him.”

“Hmm, seems easy enough.”

He laughed softly, “Well of course it is, but the only catch is that you have until the rest of the school year to do it, and that’s only what, three months?” You purse your lips, thinking about the time you had, and also the fact that you were actually going along with this.

Well one thing’s for sure, you’re a liar AND a people pleaser.

“Okay, that all?”

“Wow? Taking it on so quickly, huh? Well then, I’ll add something justtt in case. If you do fall for him, and I honestly don’t think you will, I’ll give you a pass…” You let out a breath of relief, “Only if you ghost him.” Immediately, you looked down at the table you two were sitting at. You faintly hear him call out your name, “It’s only fair. And if you don’t ghost him, I’ll tell him about the bet. Deal?”

“No reward or anything if one of us wins?”

“Well if you win, I’ll get you that antique vinyl record you said your mom has been dying for. As for me, I already get my reward if you fall for him.”

“And what reward is that exactly?”

He smiled evilly, “To see you suffer the consequences.”

Yunho did not know why you took that bet, he left right after he found out. He couldn’t stand to be in your presence or even have the patience to believe a word you said. And he had every right to. But it’s not everyday you hear someone ask another to lie about loving them. So, as he said, he just kept digging because as time continued and you two talked, he always got those three words from you.

“Do you love me?”

“I love you Yunho.”

You don’t.

“You going to lie to me today?”

“I love you.”

You still don’t.

“Okay, I’ll see you at lunch, bye.”

“Bye, I love you.”

Maybe you do. He doesn’t know anymore. Gosh, how did everything even get so messy for him? It was just a simple thing to ask; it wasn’t supposed to be like this. And to think he truly trusted your words when he confessed.

You heard Yunho call for you after the final bell. You were quickly making your way to the bus stop to head home before getting stopped by him. “I need to ask you something or, er, tell you something.” Your heart pounded in your ears as you processed nothing he was saying, only reading his lips when he said the words back to you for the first time. The ringing in your ear subsided as he looked at you with hopeful eyes, “I want you to answer me honestly. Do you love me?”

Your mind went back to the bet with your friend. You technically won but also lost, and you didn’t know what to do, so you did the opposite of what you do best, you gave him the honest truth, “I love you.”

At that time, Yunho was as happy as he ever could be, except it came crashing down the second you left to catch the bus. He, unfortunately, met your friend, who then told him everything. Honestly, he thought it was unfair how your friend didn’t play by the rules of the bet, but it didn’t matter at the time because he was hurt. Based on the rules of the bet, if you did love him, you would have to ghost him, and you haven’t, so that only means one thing, right?

Yeah, yeah he knows he shouldn’t jump to conclusions but it was a moment of weakness. He confessed, thought he got everything he has ever wanted since he transferred to that school, then immediately found out it was all lies. Oh and that’s not all, it wasn’t the bet your friend only mentioned. It was your whole reputation, and Yunho had no idea how he didn’t find out sooner about this.

Maybe he does know who he’s talking to. Himself, he thinks.

He couldn’t let this information slide, so he texted you that evening to meet up to ask you about it.

He was standing outside your gate as you emerged from the comfort of your home, “Hey Yunho, what did you want to talk to me about?”

“I know.”

You knew what he was talking about the second those words came out of his mouth. Your friend had texted you, telling you that he told Yunho, but you had thought he was playing around. Why would your friend betray you like that? No, why would you even agree to that stupid bet in the first place? But you played dumb.

“What do you mean?”

“Cut the crap, I know about the bet.”

Your heart sank as no words left your open mouth. He scoffed, “Well at least that confirms everything.” He turned to leave.

“Wait, Yunho stop.” He didn’t listen and continued to walk away from you as you quickly tried to keep up with him in the cool air. “Yunho please, just wait a second.” He stopped in his tracks, breathing heavily as you saw the warm air float into the cool night air.

Softly, he said your name, “Just lie to me, please.”

You heard his voice crack, eyes pricking with tears. “Yunho, don’t.”

Quickly on his heels, he turned to look at you, hot tears streaming down his face. He says your name again, “I asked you to lie to me, just do it.”

You hesitate, feeling weak seeing him broken and vulnerable like this in front of you, “I hate you, Yunho.”

One thing Yunho asks himself as he sits in his room, still recovering from what happened that evening, would it still be simple if none of this happened? He doesn’t know because he was an idiot for asking you to do such a thing. But then again, you were always good at lying. So who knows, maybe if the circumstances were different and he confessed, maybe you would still lie about those three words like before.

However, he can’t help but think to give you a second chance, but would it be simple?

[brianc521]

Happiest Birthday

In honor of the last few hours of my birthday, and the fact that I’m feeling inspired. 

“Hey,” He whispered in your hear, planting a kiss on the side of your head. “Babygirl,” His hand eased up the curve of your back. “Wake up Birthday Girl.” He smiled, kissing your nose as it scrunched. 

“Hmm?” You hum, turning towards his warmth.

“Good morning,” He grins, watching you slowly blink your eyes open.

“Morning,” You eye him, confused at the fact that he’s dressed for the day, his hair was even styled the way you like. “Why aren’t you in bed?” 

He chuckles, knew you were gonna say that. “Because I had to get up to get someone’s birthday surprise ready.” He taps your cheek. 

“Oh,” You curl back into the bed. 

No one has ever really made a big deal over your birthday before, so Shawn already having surprises planned is a little shocking. 

“Yeah ‘oh’,” He shuffles, moving to lay on top of you, elbows propping him up. “Happy Birthday my Love.” 

You smile, cheeks blushing as he kisses you. “19 birthday kisses, for the 19 year old.” 

You giggle as he counts each kiss, each one getting a little juicier. 

“19!” He cheers, locking his arms around you and flipping the both of you over so you’re straddling his hips. 

“You’re gonna mess up your pretty hair,” You pout, tucking a few of his curls in place. 

“You like it?” He bites his lip.

You eye him, rolling your eyes a little, “Of course I do, my personal Elvis.” You let that one curl that’s dropping over his forehead curl around your index finger.

He moves his face, biting the tip of your finger. “I made you coffee, since I know you don’t eat breakfast right away.”

“Awe you didn’t have to do that,” You smile shaking your head at him. 

“Yes I did, it’s my Baby’s birthday.” He sits up, now chest to chest with you. Pecking your lips, he grips your thighs. “Now, let’s go get her her morning coffee so we can start her amazing day.” 

You smile, letting him tug on your hands and pull you down the hall to the dining room. You gasp and stop in shock when you see what he’s done.

Not only has he made you coffee, but he’s also got his Mum’s banana chocolate chip muffins (your favorite) on the counter, and not to mention big 1 9 golden balloons in the middle of the windows, tons of light pink, light blue and white balloons scattered neatly around the room.

“Shawn!” You whine, hands coming to cover your face. 

“You like it?” He whispers, moving to stand behind you, holding you to his chest. 

“I love it, no one has ever done this for me before.” You lean back into him, admiring his work.

“I remember you telling Aaliyah at her party that you wish to have something like this. Did I do it right?” 

“Perfect, you’re perfect.” You turn your head to look up at him, he’s already looking at you. 

“You’re perfect.” He whispers, leaning down to leave a kiss on your lips. 

**

“Shawn, you have to stop!” You hiss as he puts the shirt in the already full cart.

“But you want it!” He points at the shirt.

“That doesn’t mean you need to buy it!” 

“But it’s your birthday!” He whines like a little kid. “Let me treat you!” 

You blush at his words, leaning closer to him, “You already did after breakfast.” 

He grins, kissing your nose, “Yes I did, and I plan to do more of that later, but for right now I’m gonna buy you the Elvis shirt, and the records you wanted, and the super cool Elvis lamp you found.” 

“Shawn,” You sigh.

“I really really really like the lamp, so that can be for both of us.” He compromises, “And I also really really really love the smile you get when you get new vinyls, so those are for me too. Really, I’m not seeing much for you here other than a T shirt,” He shrugs, moving towards the next aisle with a playful smile.

“You’re such an ass,” You giggle, following him down the book aisle. 

“Anything, anything you want, toss it in the cart.” He waves to the shelves of books. “Maybe not toss it tho, that lamp is fragile.” 

You start looking, but vow to yourself you won’t actually put any in the cart, you’ll just remember them for the next time you come alone, so he’ll stop buying you things.

He stands by the cart, arms crossed, watching you, his eyes are squinted at you. He’s picking up on your game here, you never just pick up at book read the last page and then set it back down. If a book jacket has you interested enough to read the last page 99% of the time you buy it. 

So as you keep moving down the aisle he picks up every book you’ve set down, and you never notice with how sneaky he is being. When you nod and turn to him he quickly flips the shirt over the stack of books and smiles at you.

“Nothing?”

“Yeah nothings popping out at me, that’s okay though. I think we’ve got enough, are you ready?” 

He nods, pushing the cart forwards, “Tell you what.” He kisses your ear as he pulls you closer to him. “How about you go get us a table at your favorite pasta joint across the street, I’ll pay and put this in the car, then meet you over there? Sound good?”

“You sure?” 

“Positive.” He nods, kissing your lips and sending you out the store. He grins as he watches you walk across the street as the cashier rings up all the books you put back down. 

**

“Shawn Peter Raul!” You yell as you look in the shopping bag.

“Yes my beautiful birthday girl.” He answers sneaking behind you at the counter.

“What is this?” You dump out the bag of books.

“Oh those?” He scratches his chin. “This girl I’m in love with was trying to be sly and make it look like she wasn’t in love with all of these books, so I bought them for her as a surprise for her birthday.” 

You turn, arms crossed, glare hard on him.

“Don’t look at me like that.” He shakes his head, not letting your look affect him. 

“Shawn, I told you no-”

“Shh.” He cuts you off with a kiss. “Listen to me.” He puts a finger over your lips. “I love you, so fucking much. It’s your 19th birthday, most of your friends have ignored you for their boyfriends, your family has been putting so much fucking pressure on you, and you’ve had a few rough shifts at work. Let me spoil you, and give you an amazing day, because you truly deserve it.” 

You sigh, looking up at him with pouted lips.

“Thank you,” You whisper, eyes a bit misty with tears. 

“Oh honey,” 

“It’s just, no ones ever really cared about my birthday other than my parents before.” 

“Well I care, about all of your birthdays. Because the day you were born was the day my soulmate was born. I love you, and I wanted to give you the happiest birthday.” 

“You did, I promise.” You nod, wiping the one tear that fell. 

“No tears,” He shakes his head, kissing the others away. “Makes my chest all tight and my heart feel funny. No tears, just smiles and kisses.” 

You giggle, “You can have all my smiles and kisses.” 

“All of them?” He asks.

“All of them.” 

“Promise?” He holds out his pinky.

“Promise.” You twist yours around his.

“I’m counting on that, for the rest of our lives.” 

[gotatext]

 hello, its nora (she/her, gmt) n this is the ethereal but spoiled alma olive putnam (she goes by all 3 names cos she’s pretentious as fuck). raised in a farmhouse in vermont, big horse girl energy. very hungry for everything life has to offer. wakes up and smells the success in her blood. luvs the smell of libraries and listening to french music from a tinny record player in knee socks. here is pinterest. bio is below the cut, like this post to be bombarded with plotting messages but i might forget tho so pls message me x

application template.

『ELLE FANNING ❙ CIS-FEMALE』 ⟿ looks like ALMA OLIVE PUTNAM is here for HER JUNIOR year as a CLASSICS student. SHE is 21 years old & known to be RESILIENT, MAGNETIC, CALLOUS & PROUD. They’re living in PERKINS, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ NORA. 24. GMT. SHE/HER.

aesthetics.

a red beret nestled on top of bright platimum locks, neck scarves tied around your throat the way they do it in french new wave films, running barefoot through the woods in feckless hedonism, china dolls with porcelain faces lined against the walls of your room, the mona lisa smile, knee-socks tugged over the hockey grazes on your knees, a forged botticelli drying on your easel, ophelia floating in the middle of a lake. 

proceed w caution, tw for death, drugs, alcohol, violence

the short form.

— studying classics cos she thinks it makes her sound smart, but actually hates fuckin latin and just loves learning about feckless hedonism and the festivals of bacchus and writing about how all women in myth are literally forgotten. was expelled from princeton in her first year so her parents basically paid her way into radcliffe but she made an impression.... like... super fast and in her sophomore year she was upgraded to perkins accomodation n a paid scholarship bcos i think the governors kind of expect to see her in the supreme court one day or.

—  born in vermont in a big old farmhouse. her great-great-grandfather moved to america as an immigrant and worked on a plantation, made his way up cos he could speak a lot of languages and therefore win more people over. for the last two generations, putnam men have owned the farm and do little of the dirty work. big in the meat industry.

— both her parents had large personalities, so alma’s never really been shy around adults, even as a kid she’d speak to them in a forthright, confident manner, and because she was always surrounded by adults, she’s always seemed a bit wise beyond her years.

— very much a consolidation of every character in the secret history. has a morbid longing for the picturesque at all costs. obsessed with w.h. auden and the beat poets. — ”aestheticism is the only thing worth pursuing and even that is pointless” — is majoring in classical civilisation. can read ancient greek and latin. also speaks french.

— studies hard and plays hard. she gets top marks but it’s because academia is literally her life, she loves the smell of libraries, the ancient smoke of learning, of feeling like old wine in a new bottle reincarnated from the bones of some old, dead witchy woman who invented a cure for cowpox or somethin.

— isn’t a foward-planner, however. alma prefers to leave her options open, play the field, live in a spontaneous manner so her study style is mostly cramming a few days before a test, or staying up all night writing an essay on a massive adrenaline boost powered by red bull or probably adderall, scribbling (or typing) furiously into the night.

— pretentious motherfucker. loves poetry, especially the romantics, loves morbid ones too, edgar allen poe, sylvia plath, allen ginsberg, she just loves them all. can’t get enough. her favourite films are like…. wanky artfilm independent european cinema. especially french new wave. “what do you think of goddard’s work??” while snorting a line off someone’s sink at 5am on a school night, but you can bet she’ll make it to that 9am class. — very intelligent and beautiful and knows both of those facts. plays devil’s advocate. humanitarian, vegan. — judgemental but takes great care not to appear so. petty and vindictive

— obsessively devours mystery and thriller novels. she herself is a gillian flynn book waiting to happen. — tries to be an enigma. wants to be mysterious and unreadable because that’s what books have taught her makes women desirable and interesting and cool. very amy dunne in the way she expertly reinvents herself to suit her audience, when she wants to impress

— act like the flower but be the serpent under it. is a user. manipulative. leads people on. will throw another student under the bus to demonstrate her own intelligence and integrity — heavily involved in the theatre society. loves attention. — has an addictive personality. seems unable to do anything in a small dose, she has to let it utterly consume her. with sports, she’s fiercely competitive, runs track, played lacrosse at school, now is a cheerleader probably. with alcohol, it’s never a shot, it’s a whole bottle – wine or whiskey – she’ll be table dancing before the night’s up and making out with someone she’ll regret in the morning.

— her clothing style is like…. vintage thrift store but make it preppy. berets and cute hats, neck scarves, large fluffy cardigans or like those leathery jackets with big suede fringes on them, mini skirts (very 70s), and knee-high socks or boots. quite often she’ll be in sports kit, maybe a cute tennis skirt, n when she’s feeling casual she’ll wear like, a talking heads tshirt with a pair of mom jeans and converse, but otherwise, the library is her catwalk. — relates to ophelia from hamlet and sibyl vane in dorian gray. weirdly obsessed with women who commit suicide. loves jackson pollock paintings and abstract art. – likes old things. old books, old music, old houses, it reminds her of happier times like when she wasn’t alive. buys all her music on vinyl and has a gramophone because “the sound quality is better” kfdsjj.

plots.

here are some generic wanted plots but by all means message me so we can flesh them out more if any strike ur interest:

study buddies !! someone who is equally unprepared and so spends all night in the library with alma before a big deadline, maybe they even met in the library

if they’re from new england or vermont, then cousins . second cousins / extended family / family friends –  probably spat volavons on your character once as children, omg childhood friends !

people who live in perkins n feel like they r constantly competing with one another to keep their place as one of the #elite only know each other from brief interactions in the lift or the canteen

honestly someone who is fully in love with her or crushing on her that she can just break would be sweet :/ or on the other hand someone she unexpectedly gets feelings for and actually wants to guage her own  eyeballs out bc of it

frinds !! unlikely friends !! toxic friends !! former best friends separated by sporting or academic rivalries !

hockey / cheer friends who are on other teams but who she absolutely loves playin against!!!

fellow academics who like meeting up to discuss latin and greek ! gimme a secret society bonding by their love of ancient learning

i reckon she’s in a lot of societies, definitely the film club, maybe works as a projectionist at the uni cinema if they have one so give me ppl affiliated with that, give me fellow wanky pretentious art-lovers and poets and historians who will go to museums and galleries with her and listen to the velvet underground on vinyl

people she gets mortally fucked off her tits with at parties

people who think she is throwing her academic potential away by caving to hedonistic impulse

A SECRET SOCIETY !!! honestly i would die for a slug club esque thing in which the children of notable families are invited to dinners OR alma’s also an art forger, so maybe like a club of students set up to basically forge paintings and documents from the university special collections

people she has drunkenly made out with, hooked up with, or regularly sleeps with casually, maybe even a friend w benefits she is repressing feelings for, i love angst,

people she used to date or unrequitedly likes, but to them it’s just a physical thing, give me all the thirsty angst plots, and maybe some softness too, i need some religion in this girls life, she is a roman catholic after all

full biography.

alma olive putnam.

intro.

         the girl is a knife. razor-sharp, double-edged, the bright shine of a two-faced, lovely thing. silver like the secrets you magpie thief from other heads. you’re a scavenger of knowledge, of tidbits, of gossip to lock away for later use and late-night re-inspection. a mind is like a clock if you get to learn the pieces. bit by bit, you dismantle the inner workings of the brains that tick around you – how easy it is to change it’s path, how words and their meanings can make a person laugh or cry in an instant. to have the power to control that is to be a god. it’s the power trip you crave wielding pom-poms in your hands; a possessive need for control that a younger you, small and weak, never had as a child. small lips, smaller smile, a doll clutched in your too-hungry fingers, hard enough to shatter the bones of a real infant. you cut your hair with your mother’s kitchen scissors before the autumn falls, rendering you out of season, unfit for the cold weather that beats against the nape of your neck, where a stick-and-poke marks the star you were born under ; the bull. “mama, when will i be a queen?” as soon as they find a crown small enough not to slip from your head.

biography.

         if you get hungry enough, they say, you start eating your own heart. hands red, stained by pomegranate seeds, the empty pulp of its shell splattered on your thighs you find yourself wondering – what would it be like to want? in the beginning, you never knew hunger. twins, born under the same star, you first, him second – a nuclear family. never a sister to compete with, you were always the cherry pie of your parents’ hearts. white-haired, blue-eyed, beautiful baby of mine. the townhouse in vermont and the summer house in lyon, you wanted for nought, showered with attention, saddled with gifts - hardly a wonder you came to rely on such affection as a confirmation of your own worth.

         at eight years old you first met death, blood on a gingham-print dress, a smear of it over your cheekbone and the pulp of a mangled animal at your feet murdered by the hands of a stable boy. “alma, my precious baby, you get away from that filth,” your mama would cry from the upstairs balcony – cigar in one hand and a bloody mary in the other – though whether the filth she referred to was the dead pig or the boy with a kernel of corn in his mouth, you never did find out.

         your family earned their keeps in farming, great-grandfather wolfgang hildegarde a german immigrant, great-grandmother maura lisbon a prairie girl. they fell hopelessly in love between troughs and pig-shit, working for three dollars a day at a farm their descendants would later own, trade deals with the indians, vacations to calcutta, your father todd putnam in the kind of sheepskin coat his father’s father could only dream of owning. he worked hard so that you’d never have to. your mama once asked – you heard it through the window, rounding cartwheels across the picket-fenced lawn – could he not find a respectable career rather than selling shrink-wrapped pork for a dime a dozen? that blood money had no business raising a child. you look far back enough, edie, your father had said in his low, strong voice that could bring a civil war to silence, and i think you’ll find that all money is blood money.

         language was never fickle on your tongue, french dinner time talk by the time you were out of your hush puppy shoes, your mama fixing the au pair a smile as she fixed herself another martini. you learned the clarinet at four and how to dance with the grace of a swansong at six, ethereal under a spotlight, an audience captive in the palm of your hand. by eight you knew that you’d always been destined to be loved. loved so hard they would want to taste you, bite into the soft plump of your cheek and eat you alive. that was how magnetic you wanted to feel. but mother hamsters eat their own young when penned in together too long, and soon you became too wild, too restless, another package on your father’s delivery invoice, box-shipped out to english boarding school.

         fitting in had never been something you had to concern yourself with. you were always the shiny new toy the other girls wanted to play with, bright like a dropped coin from a magpie’s beak. wherever you went, you seemed to leave a trail of awe, pig-tailed harriet’s adoring you, imitating you, teachers forgiving your class-time chatter for the sake of your wild heart and the restless spirit you possessed. tell us what it’s like in the states, alma. they’d coo, enamoured by your hollywood drawl. does your father own a gun? you hardly knew. barely even knew the colour of his hair, for the scarce amount of times he’d stoop to kiss your cheek, though you’d tell silver-tongued tales if it’d guaranteed you an audience. when you learned how to smile at the right times, and that flattery would get you everywhere, it soon became apparent that charm would pave the yellow brick road to success even when your lack of drive couldn’t.

         the road you followed – gum-snapping, roller-blading, friendship bands all up your arm – eventually led you to radcliffe. bright-eyed and gingham skirted, you’d always known you were more. there was a hunger in you to be something extraordinary, a want so adamant to be imagined and desired that it was almost savage. in leather-bound volumes and a circle of stones, you were helen of troy, the girl for whom they’d launch a thousand ships. but there’s so much rage within you, collecting like sawdust in cavernous parts. hockey helped. there was something grounding about the feeling of a stick clasped in your hands. sweat. stiff knuckles. feet pounding the earth. the smash of wood against flesh in the scram of a game, passed off as mere enthusiasm. “slipped, sorry.” hockey is the one thing you had that was yours alone – a feral instinct that motivates you to play; something primitive within you that sparks an energy like no other. on the pitch, you feel alive. you feel like a god.

[pandylovepost]

what are your headcanons for andy and panchos relationships with the other characters in the kingdom? ❤❤❤ I love your blog!!

ohhh i love this question & tysm!! 🧡

it ended up being rlly long so here’s the cut ;)

Pancho

•Julien; Julien is like a brother or cousin to Pancho! He trusts the king more than anything after Julien basically saved .. well himself, but also him. any scheme Julien comes up with that he knows Maurice wouldnt approve of, he’ll go to pancho

•Maurice; maurice has a kind of wary vibe around Pancho ever since Pancho suggested eating him on the sub in exiled. he’s suspicious of him mainly because he wants to protect Julien tho, & he cant shake that Pancho is (or was) a sleeper agent programmed with the sole purpose of killing his best friend so

•Clover: Pancho is kinda cautious around clover since she’s always round the corner ready to bust him & Andy’s schemes. when it comes down to it they DO work together as they aknowledge each others skillsets. literally pancho is the only lemur (from the kingdom) who’s beaten Clover in combat. just once though.

•Mort; Pancho just......aknowlegdes his existance. he’s there i guess. doesn’t find mort as terrifying & creepy as the average citizen but Panch has probably seen worse. or he just doesn’t care. mort also does crimes so theyre just aware of each other.

•Becca & Abner; he’s kinda friends with them cus Andy’s friends with them. he goes round to deliver them stuff sometimes like moonshine or weapons from Andy. He probably shouldn’t pay too much attention to their government conspiracy theories though, they tend to really freak his paranoid ass out

•Timo; Timo is scared of Pancho or at least wary. He admittadly would like to study him tho & Panch is often a great help to him doing manual labour for any of Timo’s big projects

•Masikura; she mindmelded with him once & swore never again. she just doesn’t wanna know.

•Ted; Ted has a lil crush on Pancho (he’s one of Ted’s many crushes) & Panch will lightly flirt with him sometimes when he’s in the mood to. Pancho will bicker & grouch with him but they are really tight friends especially after their time together during exiled.

•Dorothy; at first she saw Pancho as this ideal bad boy type, but then realised how bad he smells cus he hates bathing. She’ll offer him tea like she does with everyone & (begrudingly often) lets him crash with her & Ted when they all stumble back drunk after a night out. Literally her & Ted both just have a mutual crush on Pancho is that not canon though

•Willie; despite being mean to Willie like EVERYONE ELSE IS Pancho and Willie are quite good friends. He’ll go stay with him whenever he’s worried about something cus he knows Willie will understand. sometime’s he’s too panicky for Pancho to be around though cus it sets him off

•Hector; I WANT THEM TO BOND OVER MILITARY HARDSHIPS & EXPERIENCE I THINK IT WOULD BE HELPFUL & HEALING FOR THE BOTH OF THEM! I should write about this sometime..........

•Horst; the DJ friend who he can always have a crazy sesh with; they actually get along pretty good. except when Pancho’s out here stealing his bolos. Like with everyone, Horst just rambles to Pancho when he’s drunk.

•Tammy, Butterfish & Todd; no real connection to them besides that him & Butterfish will often do the same jobs. They usually just make casual work chat. Tammy thinks Pancho is posessed by demons but he doesn’t let that phase him.

•Karl: he’s not rlly a “kingdom citizen” but he’s about there enough so. anyway Pancho just doesn’t treat Karl like the evil genius villain he portrays at all, since Pancho’s own morality is in the grey area, which kinda infuriates Karl that Pancho just talks to him like hes a normal person. he wants Julien’s people to FEAR HIM!!

•Dr. S; Absolutely not. they don’t even really have a friendship of any kind & Pancho is terrified of going to see the doctor as Dr. S literally experiments on lemurs...he’s not about that after what happened with the previous king.......Andy often has to drag him to the hospital kicking & biting to get him to go to checkups

•Nurse Phantom; u know what they’ve never interacted in canon but I think Nurse Phantom senses how troubled & anxious he is & takes a lot of time to talk to Pancho like if ever Andy or anyone else manages to drag him to the hospital, Rob will hold his hand if it comes to it; he goes into major helpful mode like offering him fruit & telling him he’s gonna be alright. He’ll also scold him for getting into so many dangerous scrapes & tells him he’s gotta look after himself!

Andy

•Julien; for some reason Julien just refuses to exile him even after all the bad shit he’s done BUT i think that’s because Andy is overall helpful to him like he ignores all the weirdness for example when they walked in on him & that rat holding a body wrapped in leaves because hey! we need tropheys Andy fast! thats the issue here!! perhaps its Julien’s awful adhd memory though & he just genuinely forgets. Julien is close with Pancho of course so Andy’s been round to the plane for parties & dinner as Pancho’s +1 of sorts— heck even he can be “polite” when he has to be.

•Maurice; Momo hates him. hates him hates him theres no turning back. i mean its hard not to when most of the citizens suffer from rediculous lemur stupidity & ur the only one who can see through this bat when he’s just standing there chatting shit. Very suspicious of Andy— plus he just thinks he’s creepy

•clover; LMAO bUT .....like obviously she hates him for good reason. but i do have this hc that’s way too long to write out that after Julien, Maurice & Mort literally fucked off to go with the zoosters in madagascar 2 Clover was literally responsible for two kingdoms cus she couldnt just leave them with a gecko in charge. I just want some situation where theres a proper twist & Andy ends up mellowing the hell out & actually being useful to her & the kingdom...he has skills but he uses them for nefarious reasons. She’d probably save his life somehow in the post-Julien chaos & he’d b like....”why would YOU of all people save ME?” n she’d b like... “well you are technically a citizen of this kingdom and ....i’ve gotta make sure you’re ALL safe for when ..... if King Julien ever gets back.....”

•mort; ??? sometimes theyre legit business partners. Mort can get in on a good scam. that second rub’s gonna cost ya. theyve probably been in the same prison before at one point. Mort’s so old.

•Becca & Abner; his fellow anti-establishment pals!! he doesn’t fully believe all of their ideas & theories but he loves em cus they’ll always buy self defence scorps off him. They get along & they drink a lot together by the stagnant watering hole. they’ve seen Andy in horrible states; all 3 of them are an idiot squad when theyre together. Becca & Andy argue a lot cus even she thinks some of the things he says are wack sometimes

•Timo; i have this hc that Timo, Andy & Karl knew each other when they were kids they kinda bonded together during school cus they were three non-lemur losers who got bullied for their eccentricity & varying levels of intelligence. Timo will sometimes go to Andy for stuff but he is his last resort really

•Masikura; probably mindmelded with him once & just saw a vision of him daydreaming about being kissed by Pancho & since then she was like. “Im not scared of the bird demon he’s just a big softie. where is my shipment of “ect” for my tea, that bird demon’s late again—“

•Ted; Ted is such an easy mark he can sell almost anything to him if he’s cheery enough. Helps that Ted thinks he’s really cute so Andy can just easily sweet talk him into buying whatever dodgy product he’s got at the moment. he knows & interacts with Ted mainly through Pancho being his friend!

•Dorothy; rlly wild hc actually that Dorothy used to be a propper crime don before she settled down with Ted— or when Ted was shifting into Snake more frequently back in the day for whatever reason—so Andy knows her from the criminal underworld. Cus of this he’s very respectful towards her... he’s seen what she’s capable of

•Willie; Andy could walk round the corner with his wings outstretched & say “boo” & Willie would pass out from shock. He’s also very easy for Andy to sell to- his fearmongering really works on Willie he’s very suseptable to it

•Hector; Hector doesn’t take any of Andy’s crap he’d probably just hit him with a broom if he came round his hut to sell him dodgy hand cream honestly

•Horst; Andy keeps him topped up with a steady supply of beverages...........Horst will actually sometimes ask him & Pancho for help with importing various new vinyl records

•Tammy, Butterfish & Todd; that family buys a LOT of product off him since they’re just typical americans basically he finds it rlly easy & reliable to sell stuff like drinks & toys to them. Tammy kinda hates Andy though & like Pancho, thinks he’s a demon. Doesn’t help that Mort nicknamed him “bird demon”.

•Karl; like with Timo i hc he knew him when they were in highschool—! Karl found Andy infuriating & so annoying though & didn’t consider him a friend at all. a lot of his early lazer guns were born from Karl’s growing need to shoot Andy out of the sky cus he’d fly up to get out of reach of his claws when he’d annoyed him.

•Dr. S; i hc that Andy and Dr.S are business or trading partners of sorts but they keep it very lowkey. Andy probably handles hits and the crazy snake doctor requires bodies and “test subjects” for his manic experiments. Andy is the perfect guy for the job! When Nurse Phantom is unable, Andy will hide the evidence of Dr.S’ malpractice for a reasonable fee, of course. He dislikes going to checkups himself though— he doesn’t like people knowing too much about him! Plus Dr.S always “””jokes””” about “””studying””” him because he finds the fact Andy is a flying mammal facinating & talks about using Andy’s wings to create a frankenstein flying lemur.

•Nurse Phantom; Rob just lectures him about being reckless & getting into fights everytime he sees him. Kinda the same as Dr. S really, but he does tell him like.. Hey I used to be pretty mean & put people in danger too. And that there’s always time to turn another leaf. Andy usually just scoffs, collects his paycheck, & leaves.

[destielstuffandthings]

Growing- Chapter Four

This is turning out to be a lot more involved than I thought lol originally I figured 2-3 chapters but I just have so many ideas for this fic and I’m a sucker for slow burns and pining, sooo have some! *throws angst your way*

P.S., I list a few songs in this chapter and I HIGHLY recommend you listen to them while you’re reading those parts.

Dean woke up to the sound of rain pelting off his roof.

“Great,” he mumbled sleepily. Rain means no work. No work means no money. And today, no Cas.

He rolled over and patted the bed beside him. It was cold and empty.

“Lis?” he called, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He rubbed his eyes and stood up, padding down the hallway towards the sound of Lisa’s voice.

“....can’t today. Because it’s rain--- I know, but I can’t control the fucking weather! I’ll see if I can get--- Oh, hey honey!” Lisa whipped around and slipped her phone in her pocket. “I made pancakes. You hungry?”

“Who were you talking to?” Dean asked raising an eyebrow while grabbing a coffee mug.

“My sister,” Lisa quickly replied. “She wanted to go shopping in town today, but with the weather being crappy I told her we’d do it some other time.” She piled pancakes and bacon on a plate and slid it in front of Dean. “Plus, you’ll be home all day, right?”

“Yeah,” Dean mumbled around a bite of bacon.

“See? We can spend the day together. I’m gonna go shower. Wanna join me when you’re done?” She winked and walked briskly down the hallway.

Most of Dean’s clients knew, if it was raining, Dean didn’t work. That is, except for Cas. He pulled out his phone and pulled up their conversation from earlier.

DEAN: Hey, Cas. Just wanted to let you know that since it’s raining today I won’t be over. I don’t usually work when the weather’s bad unless it’s urgent

He set his phone down, disappointment sinking into his stomach. He shoved a huge forkful of pancakes in his mouth as his phone chimed.

CAS: No problem. I wouldn’t want to make you work out in this rain anyway. You’d be soaked in ten minutes. CAS: What exactly constitutes “urgent” in lawn care anyway?

Dean snorted.

DEAN: People need things trimmed up before they throw parties, Japanese beetles eating through roses. Ya know, real important shit

CAS: I see. Well, unfortunately I don’t have a party or beetles to tempt you with. All I have is a boring office filled with books and vinyl records

Dean swallowed hard.

DEAN: What albums ya got?

Castiel sent an image of a bookshelf stuffed full of records and even a few 8 tracks.

DEAN: Dude, that’s like my dream room. I officially hate you

CAS: Would you like to see it sometime?

Dean’s heart thudded in his chest.

DEAN: Hell yeah. Won’t Abbey be annoyed with us listening to loud music tho? She doesn’t seem like type

CAS: She’s rarely here. Would you like to come over? I’m sort of going through a writers block right now and I’m getting nothing done anyway.

Dean hopped off his bar stool and jogged to the bathroom.

“Hey, Lis?” He opened the bathroom door and was bombarded with a fog of steam. “C’mon, hon. You gotta turn the fan on,” he mumbled while flipping the switch.

“Sorry, babe. You comin’ in or what?” She poked her head out of the shower and wagged her eyebrows at him.

Dean scrubbed the back of his neck with a hand and stepped forward.

“Actually, I was uh--- thinkin’ about goin’ over to a friends house. He’s got a whole room full of records and asked if I wanted to come check it out.”

Lisa’s phone chimed.

“What friend?”

“Uh, new client actually. His name’s Cas. Castiel Novak.

She rolled her eyes and closed the curtain. “Go on, then. I guess I’ll call my sister back and see if she’s still up for shopping.”

Her phone chimed again.

“Want me check that? You’re phone’s kinda blowin’ up.”

Dean reached for Lisa’s phone just as she shut the water off.

“No! Uh--no, it’s alright. Probably just my mom. She was supposed to go with us and---and she really wanted--” Lisa snatched the phone off the counter and held it close to her chest with her towel, “to go to this new yarn place. She was really excited about it.” She waved her hand in the air dismissively and smiled. “I’ll let her know we’re still on.” She kissed Dean on the cheek and breezed past him down the hall.

Dean pulled out his phone.

DEAN: I’ll be there in an hour :)

----------------------

Dean knocked on Cas’ door a little over an hour later. He wiped his hands on his jeans and cleared his throat. Dean wasn’t usually nervous, but something about Cas made his heart go crazy.

The door swung open and Dean’s heart pounded in his chest.

“Dean.” Castiel breathed Dean’s name like it was something holy. He smiled brightly and gestured behind him. “Come in.”

Dean scuffed his boots on the welcome mat and walked past Castiel, barely brushing their shoulders together.

“Thanks for inviting me over. I haven’t listened to anything on vinyl for a long time.” Dean followed Castiel into his office and stopped in his tracks. “Holy shit, man.” The far wall was lined with music and glass cases holding ticket stubs and wrist bands. Dean walked over and inspected the shelf, pointing to one of the cases. “This--this is from Live Aid. Where did you get this?”

Castiel smiled and walked behind his desk, grabbing a bottle of brown liquid. “I was there, believe it or not.”

Dean whipped around with his eyebrows raised. “Bullshit. There’s no way.”

Castiel huffed a laugh as he filled two glasses. “I was twelve, I don’t remember all of it. Sting, Queen, and Bowie, of course. But what I remember the most,” Castiel handed Dean a glass and mouthed ‘whiskey’, “was how happy my dad was. He sat me on his shoulders so I could see better and we swayed back and forth to the music.”

Dean took a sip and stared at Castiel. The look in his eyes and the small smile on his face made him weak in the knees. “So, uh,” he cleared his throat, “you two liked music alot then?”

“Very much,” Castiel smiled wide and motioned to his collection. “Most of these were his.” He ran his hand across the records and plucked one out. “Let me guess, Zeppelin?”

Dean snorted and leaned against Castiels desk. “Is it that obvious?”

Castiel chuckled and put the record on the player. “You play music loud in your truck, it wasn’t hard to guess.” Traveling Riverside Blues started playing as Castiel walked over to join Dean. “I love this song. Although the lyrics are a bit indelicate.”

“’Indelicate’?” Dean laughed, closing his eyes and tipping his head back. “A dude’s singing about getting a hand job and you call that ‘indelicate’?” 

Castiel choked on his drink and sputtered into his glass. “Yes, I suppose that’s not the right word,” he chuckled. “It is quite the visual, though.” Castiel smirked and looked over to Dean.

“Y-yeah. It is.” Dean cleared his throat and shook his head, trying to think of something to steer the conversation away from hand jobs. “My uh, Lisa, my girlfriend. She hates this kind of music. My ex did too. He said it was too old and sounded like shit.” His eyes bulged when he realized he’d let it slip.

Castiel refilled their drinks and without missing a beat said “Well, then he’s an ex for good reason. I have a few of those, myself.” They clinked their glasses together and basked in the music for a few comfortable minutes. Their hands rested on the solid wood table, pinkies almost touching, shoulders barely an inch apart.

“So--” Dean started.

“Dean, I--” Castiel smiled and chuckled.

“You first,” Dean motioned with his drink.

“Forgive me if I’m being forward, but I really enjoy spending time with you. And it might be the whiskey talking, but I have to say this.” Castiel moved himself in front of Dean and reached over to set his glass on the table behind him. “Since I’ve Been Loving You” poured out from the record player, changing the atmosphere of the room.

“S-say what?” Dean asked, watching Castiel’s arm reach behind him, his muscles rippling under the shirt.

Castiel’s fingers brushed Dean’s waist as he pulled his hand back. “I find you incredibly attractive.” He reached up and ran his thumb across Dean’s lower lip.

Dean’s breath caught in his throat as he closed his eyes. “Cas,” he whispered.

“Tell me you feel it, too,” Castiel purred.

Sighing, Dean reached up and let his fingers lightly caress Castiel’s waist. Castiel groaned slightly and ran his hand through Dean’s hair, tugging gently.

“You’re married. And I’m--Lisa,” Dean said breathlessly.

Castiel pulled Deans lip down with his thumb, licking his own lips in anticipation.

“Fuck,” Dean sighed deeply. “Cas, we can’t.”

Frowning, Castiel took a step back and nodded slowly. “I apologize, Dean. I don’t know what came over me.”

Dean waved a hand in the air and sighed. “S’alright. Not gonna lie, you’re like, the hottest guy I’ve ever laid eyes on. But we’re--”

“I understand,” Castiel wiped his hand over his mouth. “I am truly sorry.”

“I should get going. Um, thanks for the music, and the drink. I’ll see you ‘round, k?” Dean pushed himself off the desk and walked towards the front door, hesitating for a moment before opening it and heading for his truck.

Castiel slumped over his desk as listened to the Dean’s truck roar to life and drive away blaring Kashmir.

[reneehearts]

Not doing this as an ask...because no one ever asks me any 😂

angel; do you have a nickname? Yes: Nee, Renizzle, Nee Nee, Doots

awe; how old are you? 27

baby; favorite color? Purple (I’d you couldn’t tell lol)

bloop; spirit animal? Monkey

blossom; favorite book/movie/song? Water for Elephants/Remember the Titans/Props and Mayhem

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child? Lumpy! He was a lil pastel horse

breeze; most precious childhood memory? Working in the garden with my Papa

bright; mermaids or fairies? Fairies

bubbles; do you have a best friend? I have a few

buttercup; showers or baths? Showers

butterfly; dream destination? Key West or Bahamas...anywhere tropical

buttons; are you religious or spiritual? More spiritual

calm; favorite scent? Pine/Christmas trees

candlelight; what did you dream about last night? I had a dream I was freaking out because I didn’t do my essay for class and it was due in like an hour lol

charming; have you ever been in love? Yes

cozy; eye/hair color? Hazel-ish/blonde

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period? 20s, 90s

cupcake; favorite flower/plant? I have a few favorite flowers: Sunflower, Daisy, Tulip, Lilac/Evergreen tree

cute; what did you get on your last birthday? Jewelry and a designer purse

cutie pie; most precious item you own? My dog

cutsie; what makes you happy? My puppy, ice cream, family/good friends

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free. I don’t know if I ever really have

daydream; how do you want to be remembered? Kind, generous, strong, independent

daylight; favorite album of all time? Collide with the Sky - Pierce the Veil

dear; zodiac sign? Leo

delightful; concerts or museums? Concerts

dimples; have you ever written a letter? Of course

dobby; dream job? Ice cream/candy store owner

doll; how do you like to dress? Cute but casual; leggings, oversized sweaters, bralettes

dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences? I’ve had premonition dreams that have come true

dreams; do you want or have any tattoos? I have 8 and probably want more at some point

drizzle; do you believe in aliens? I’m not really sure

euphoric; talk about someone you love. My best friend: she would do anything for me, we have a bond through our ED that is so strong. It’s hard to explain how we are so close, we are very different and come from different lifestyles but she means the world to me. We don’t need to talk everyday to know that we are there for each other.

fairy; do you have a pet? I have my own dog; an Australian Shepherd and my parents have 4 dogs

fluffy; ocean or mountain? Ocean

forever; where do you feel time stop? Work

froglet; are you a good plant owner? Nope

garden; how many languages do you know? English fluently and then a little French and very little italian

gem; who are your favorite tumblrs? I don’t have any “favorites” I just like tumblrs that post relatable and pretty things

giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice? Unicorn/fairy dust/pastel

glittery; do you like anons? why/why not? I wouldn’t mind them but I never get them haha

glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself. My smile, my hair, my kindness to others, my work ethic and my abs (since I work pretty hard on them lol)

heart; silk or lace? Lace

honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it? Coffee with 1% milk

hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why? People because you can make up life stories about them and create scenarios. Bird watching would be fun for a little while but boring after a half hour

hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep? Fan

jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather? Hot and sunny!

jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends? Have leisurely breakfasts on Saturday and Sunday morning, go to the city either Friday or Saturday and go on adventures, shopping, watch tv and relaxing

joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more? Laugh out loud

kinky; do you blush easily? Nah not really

kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most? Grand gestures once in a while

kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day? Breakfast time

ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad? I don’t really have an artist I have various songs by a lot of different people

love; what is your favorite season and why? Summer because I love the heat and being able to wear shorts and flip flops and not wearing 7 layers

lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream? Macaron: I haven’t had too many but probably either chocolate or cotton candy. Ice cream: a mocha flavor with either brownie hits, Oreo pieces, or chocolate covered espresso beans

magic; what are five flaws you have? I can get mad easily, I’m not patient, I have ridiculous eating habits, I can be lazy and I have trouble communicating how I’m feeling

moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks? Soft pastels

munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other? Humor, good looks, kindness, generosity, optimistic

paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date? It depends on the season! Hah

pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself? On the internet, social media, playing with my puppy, working out, listening to music, watching tv.

precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life? Always be kind and respectful because why not?

pretty; do you like to cook or bake more? Bake

prince; how would you describe your handwriting? Neat but after I’ve been writing for a while it turns into a print/script writing

princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play? I can play the flute but I haven’t in a while

prinky; how do you relieve stress? Snuggle with my puppy

pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable? Raspberry/asparagus

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read? I have no clue

roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far? I really have no idea

smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you? My gramma’s death

shine; art or music? Music

shimmer; do animals tend to like you? Yes

smitten; do you collect anything? Pins

smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with? 1 tempur pedic type pillow then a small pillow on the side

snuggle; what is your favourite candy? Chocolate specifically dark

snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind? I have the camera on my phone

sparkle; do you wear jewelry? Yes, rings, bracelets and earrings

spooky; sunrise or sunset? Sunset

sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones? No headphones

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child? As a young kid: Barney, as a teen: Lizzie McGuire/Hannah Montana

soft; describe your favourite spot in your house. Either my bed or the couch

soothe; digital or vinyl? Digital

squeezed; who do you miss right now? A few people

sugary; what traits do you value most in friends? Loyalty, kindness, humor

sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing? It depends on the situation but usually practical

sweet; do you find it easy to open up? Depends on the person honestly

sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any? I do like kids and I want them but I’m not ready yet

thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they? My old boss even tho I have lost touch with her

toot; what is something you find unique about yourself? How observant I am

tootsie; what kind of friend are you? Loving, generous, loyal

treasure; what was something that made you smile today? A student that said hi to me

velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl? Unfortunately an early bird

whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be? Teleportation

whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out? Depends but usually home especially in the winter when it’s freezing

whiskers; do you usually wear makeup? Nope

wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person? Mostly tidy

wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older? I do love the place I grew up and I’ve moved away and now I’m back, but I just can’t take the cold weather and how expensive it is to sustain yourself here

wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star? I think once

Source: luneve

[thedappleddragon]

I have no reccolection of the 19th other than I did not work that day and worked on a crochet doll for my friend’s birthday

wowie wowie I sure did a lot today. I woke up, had some breakfast, fed my cat, and cleared out the yard for my mom so the people she hired to mow the lawn could do their job. I finished up the crochet doll I made for my friend’s birthday, and gave it a scarf because the neck looked weird. I texted her asking if it was ok to come over today to hang out and give it to her, and she said yeah. I realized my sister still had the good car, so I borrowed mom’s van and headed out. I realized all at the same time that the van was out of gas, I left my friend’s present at home, and my ister called me all at the same time. so I turned around, grabbed the doll, and convinced my sister to PLEASE let me takee the car instead of her making me fill mom’s van wit gas and taking it instead. for some reason she drove me there instead of just giving me the car so she had to go home and hang out while my friend and I talked. when I showed my friend the doll, she collapsed on the floor lmao. the rest of the visit was pretty much her talking about her stuffgles in college and with the friend group and infodumping about her ocs. it was a lovely time but I had to leave to go to work. I stopped by at home to grab a granola bar and eat slices of meat and cheese and arrived at work 15 minutes late oops. I just kinda shuffled carts around and wrote prices on plant for a while until my boss left and I spent the last hour of my shift just kinda wandering around waiting for the store to close. although I saw someone in the garden center im pretty sure I recognized. do you ever see someone in public that’s just so Gender? because yeah. we made eye contact a couple times because I was trying t see if I actually knew them or not so maybe I freaked them out on accident. I actually clocked out 2 minuted early and left before everyone else, taking my subway my boss bought for everyone and went home. I nearly forgot that my friends all decided to hang out at the park today, so talked with my mom for a moment and looked at the grass after being cut and left for the park. they were all volleying a ball aroung when I arrived, and we all walked around to the kickball field to kick the ball around instead. as we walked over there I remembered just how fucking L O U D everyone is, especially Kayla. it hurts. but hey whatever, we’re here to be public nuances I guess. we took turns kicking the ball like a kickball game with one team. eventually a group of boys asked to join our game and we sacrificed one of our friends to make the teams even. after they joined it all involved a lot more running and make me really tired lmao. I'm not good at kickball but I do like kicking the ball :) after the boys left I laid in the grass and Kayla dragged me a little bit and I struggled to get up from laughing too much. I did get up tho, and we all piled into sam’s car to go to handles. the line was kinda long so we chatted and played heads up while we waited, and sat on the wall to talk and eat. I got key lime pie ice cream which was pretty good. as we finished up and decided to call it a night, everyone piled into Katie’s car aside from sam and I so he could take me back to the park to pick up my car. we passed by it for first time since I'm blind, and I made him drive all the way around the circle again lmao. but I found it and sung electric avenue on the way home. I thought about taking the drill from dad’s apartment, but tbh I'm tired so I'll do it tomorroww morning. mom needs it to hang up some fake windows on the garage or something. 

huzzah I left this and now its the next day, and I was busy as soon as I woke up I guess. I woke up from a dream about playing a game in vr on a headset I want that sucked in the dream, and the game was about being trapped with this evil cat that turns into a sea monster. the obvjective is to either defeat the cat or kill your roommates. a lot of time was spent in the pet store. I've been interested in the oculus quest 2 again after seeing the garage cleared out from my dad’s move, and it would make a perfect vr plauspace. no furniture to run into, lots of space to walk around, isolated from the rest of the house. perfect. anyway I wokr up to my mom calling me, asking me to go with her to pick up chairs for our porch. we’re doing home improvements after dad moved. so I rode with her in the car to pick up a rocking chair, dropped it off at home, went to my work to pick up some grass seed and a flat of flowers and seeded the lawn. we bought enough seed for 1000 square feet of lawn and used the whole bag for about half of our backyard, oops. BUT we didnt follow the instructions on the back of the bag telling up to till the ground and put on mulch and stuff like that, so I think it’ll cancel out and we get a normally seeded lawn. we went back out to pick up the second chair and the lady wasnt home, but her cat was outside and IT WAS THE SWEETEST LITTLE THING!! it was a little grey cat, practically a kitten, and i let it sniff my hand and pet her. big baby :)  but I left the money under the mat and took the chair as per her instructions through the ring doorbell. mom and I got hardees on the way back and I ate too much oof. when we got home I replaced the mailbox, added fake windows to the garage door with mom, and put up cursive numbers over the garage with my sister’s help. we all got very frustrated when the screws werent going through the vinyl siding, so I went to the garage and grabbed a drill bit after my mom’s insistance that I use a nail. the brill bit worked really well and it’s all centered, and I think the new additions make the house look old but well kept. I thought the cursive lettering would look dumb but I kind of like it. we drove around the neighborhood a little bit so mom could prove thateople had garage door windows. we go home, rocked on the porch with our new rocking chairs, and went inside for a bit. I hung out in the backayrd with my cat and my sister while she wrote emails or something. my neighbor’s cat came over for a moment, standing around the corner and staing at us. then their dog broke through the fence again. normally I'm fine with it and think it’s cute, but lily was out there and their dog got too close and too crazy and she started hissing and swiping at it. I brought her inside until they could get the dog back. I kind of want their cats to come over to our yard as long (as they dont poop over here) because they're cute and I want to gain their trust and pet them. my legs hurt from playing kickball yesterday, so now I;m hanging out in bed. I got restless and felt like I should being doing something, so I opened my laptop to look at bar staet orientation stuff, but this was already up so I just started typing this instead lmao. 

[chill-that-ur-inmyhead]

Have you ever felt a baby kick? nope

What colour pants/shorts are you wearing? black leggings

When is the last time you did something truly fun, and what was it? recently listened to a vinyl my ex got for me and it just escalated to me listening to all my vinyl’s in my room!

What was the scariest moment of your life?                                                June 2020, I had submitted my dissertation and it meant no more uni now it was real life.... and real life meant a global pandemic - safe to say I had some panicky moments

Have you ever heard of Leonard Cohen? nope

Pancakes or flapjacks? flapjacks

What kind of computer are you on? dell Inspiron 15 3000 laptop (black)

Do you eat Chinese food? If so, what’s your favorite dish? YES, chow mein usually chicken

What are you usually doing at midnight? scrolling through twitter

Have you ever developed feelings for a friend, but you were already with someone? yeah but I didn’t realise it had happened until after I moved away

If so, how did it turn out?                                                                                  we didn’t see each other since I left the place we worked at together

Give me your brief definition of love. just pure bliss that feels like home

What is the most beautiful part of the human body, male or female? eyes, they are the windows to the soul

What kind of shoes do you wear? I like dad sneakers, very chunky

What is the worst thing you’ve ever done when you were really angry?        told my ex boyfriend’s new girlfriend that he was still talking to me 

Are there any pills you take on a daily basis? If so, what?                        birth control

Do you like the smell of coconuts? yes

What is the heaviest you think you can lift? ooof I don’t know really

Do you take Tums? nope??? no idea what that is?

Have you ever walked on a pier at the beach? yes, we have one in my home town

How about under one? yes

At what age do you first remember feeling butterflies in your stomach around someone? I guess I had crushes on a couple of guys in my class back in the day so I guess below the age of 10, maybe around 8 or 9

Do you feel that way around anyone now? not right now

Do you ever talk to yourself or think deep thoughts while on the toilet? yes

Do you ever sing to yourself? sing along to music but never without - I am tone deaf

What is a sound that relaxes you? hmmm I guess the sound of the beach, waves crashing the usual nature sounds

How hard has it been to reach your main goal in life?                                      main goal is to be happy and it has been difficult in a pandemic

Do you remember the song about hoes in different area codes? ummm? no? sounds like a bop haha

What is your main heritage? British

What kind of pickles do you prefer, if you like pickles? not for me

What kind of cheese do you prefer, if you like cheese? mature cheddar is my daily go to but I like a lot of cheeses

If you could have a sea creature as a pet, what would you want? dolphin 

How about a farm animal? horse

So, do you have hoes in different area codes? I used to but they left me ;) 

What is the most annoying song you can think of that came out recently? tbh any song that has been ruined by tik tok

What is a song that you hate to admit you like? rick astley never gonna give you up - before rick rolling was a thing I bopped to this song and still can

What inspires you to get off your bum and do something productive? pinterest mood boards, e.g if I can get my room to look as good as they can then I’ll do something productive

Do you ever use Urban Dictionary? yes

Do you find the definitions on there to be generally funny or stupid? funny

What comes to your mind when you hear the word ‘transformation’? transformers movies

What was something you regularly played with as a child? Barbies forever

Have you ever given in to peer pressure? sure

What part of your body have you had the most problems with in your life? feet!!! they just hate me

Do a lot of people check you out when you’re in public?                                not in a way that is annoying I guess 

What is a good name for a turtle?                                                                Raphael

Can you imitate any accents well? If so, which one(s)? american is pretty easy, maybe australian

Do you like having your ear nibbled on? depends who is doing the nibbling

What makes a good kisser a good kisser? soft lips, not too much tongue and can keep the teeth at bay How many times a year do you have a family thing? with extended family usually twice a year

What are the best things to put in a smoothie? strawberries, bananas, yoghurt and milk (maybe I should branch out because that’s literally all I have)

Do you ever eat with your eyes closed and just focus on the taste? chocolate for sure

What do you dislike most about where you live right now? we are in lockdown and I can’t continue practicing my driving!!!

Has anyone ever given you a rose/roses? yes, honestly you would think flowers are cliche but oh boy do I love receiving them

Are you watching your weight? yup..... watching it GROW haha

Have you ever become really good friends with someone you found online?                                                                                                                for my second and third year of uni I had to find flatmates online and yeah friendships were formed 

What makes your best friend your best friend?

I can talk to them about anything and even tho life can take us to different places we’ll always have each other

Do you have a drunk uncle? nah

Do you hear weird noises in your house at night? I used to, it was only the old boiler kicking in the heating but recently we got a new one and it doesn’t make weird noises, I kinda miss them

What is something you do that is generally more like something the opposite sex does? eh I don’t think I do anything ‘guy’ like

What is the girliest thing you do, if you’re a girl? just girly things hahaha eh idk, I like getting my nails done every month or so

What is the coolest tattoo you’ve ever seen? I think it was Rihanna that got a tattoo at the centre of her chest and I thought it was really cool with the placing and style

Have you ever created anything artistic that you’re proud of? If so, what? nah

Do you only eat the middle of the oreo, if you eat oreos? I eat all of it

Do you know anyone with a huge ego? yes

If so, is there anything else about them you actually like? they have moments of being humble too

Do you have any friends who are more like siblings to you? hmmmm not yet

If so, what about them do you like most?

What do you like on your hotdogs, if you eat hotdogs? ketchup!! 

What is everyone else in your house doing right now? sleeping

How long do you think it would take you to run a mile? ah 15 mins maybe idk?????

Look down. What do you see? my cute pjs - been really into pjs ever since moving back home and not living independently anymore   What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable? homelessness

What is a subject you can talk on and on about and not get sick of it? taylor swift (can’t guarantee whomever I am talking to about her will get sick of it haha)

What kind of mood were you in most of today? not too bad, just a constant state of boredom waiting for the day for this pandemic to be over

Has anyone ever walked in on you naked? yes but we were dating so nbd

Tell me an inside joke you have with someone. my grandad was born in India and I used to go around saying that I was 1/4 Asian but ofc my friends knew I was joking now it’s a running joke

What is the worst thing you’ve ever done to someone emotionally? I guess led someone on

How do you feel now about the first person you ever dated? glad I had nice first dating experiences to reminisce about

How about the last person (your last ex)? bit more painful since we were together longer and went through a lot but as time moves forward it gets easier

What is the best invention ever invented? apple airpod pros(noise cancellation is a dream)

What is something that needs to be invented? honestly up until a year ago it was noise cancelling bluetooth earphones

What always makes you burp? I don’t usually burp tbh

What are you doing tomorrow? going for a walk in the rain to try out my new raincoat, fixing my curtain and finally putting up my fairy lights

[nekosd43]

Lavender, orange, and canary?

SHIT YEAH I CAN TALK ABOUT MUSIC FOREVER HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR A VERY INCOMPATIBLE MIX OF SONGS AND SCATTERSHOT EXPLANATIONS.  I EVEN MADE YOUTUBE PLAYLISTS.  I PUT IT UNDER A CUT BECAUSE IT GOT LONG AND I RESPECT PEOPLE’S TIMELINES TOO MUCH TO DO THAT DO YOU GUYS.

If you just want the playlists but not the explanations:

Lavender

Orange

Canary

lavender: songs you connect to

I’d like to entitle this Playlist “Songs that have the ability to make me cry without warning if they come on”

Setting Sail, Coming Home - Darren Korb - I associate this song with the death of a friend (COMING OUT STRONG HERE) so that might be unfair but I can and have put this song on for hours and just cry/sing.  It’s so good.

This Year - The Mountain Goats - I know it’s cliche to make this your anthem but THIS IS MY MOTHERFUCKING FIGHT SONG.  I cannot BEGIN to tell you how many hard times I’ve gotten through muttering “I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me.”

Stronger Than You - Aivi & Surasshu & Estelle - THE GAY ANTHEM I DIDN’T KNOW I NEEDED UNTIL IT HAPPENED AND NOW I CANNOT GET THROUGH A DAY WITHOUT IT.

Six Days at the Bottom of the Ocean - Explosions in the Sky - I remember the first time i heard this song, it felt like something was melting in me.  Like, something that had frozen over was warming up for the very first time in a long time.

Exile Vilify - The National - I love this song for every bit of it, but the line “No you’re thinking too fast / You’re like marbles on glass” is what really sells it because I can’t think of a better way to explain what my brain feels like when I’m in the middle of an anxiety attack.

Brand New Colony - The Postal Service - This is sappy as fuck but my long time SO who doesn’t have a head for music or lyrics managed to memorize the lyrics of this song (and I cannot stress how hard that is for him, he literally does not hear music or lyrics the same way I do) and quoted them to me on a date once.  It was adorable, I think of it every time I hear it.

We Never Change - Coldplay - I legit don’t know what it is about this song, I think it’s the repetition of “I want to live life and always be true” because yeah big mood. 

Starts With One - Shiny Toy Guns - This whole fucking album was there for me when my depression and anxiety got to it’s absolute worst.  Even though the content of the song is sad, singing it out with full force always made me feel better.

Here Comes a Thought - Aivi & Surasshu, Estelle, & AJ Michalka - Steven Universe of course was able to give me a mindfulness song that best describes the feelings of intrusive thoughts and ALSO how to deal with them and I cry EVERY GODDAMN TIME.

Never Quite Free - The Mountain Goats - This is a great song about coping with trauma and how it stays with you, even when you’re “over” it.  It’s not happy, but I take comfort in it because it reminds me that it’s okay to not be okay, and that that’s not my fault when something causes me to relapse.

Everything’s Alright - Laura Shigihara - Another song about dealing with bad things and finding comfort in other people.  I loved this song since the first time I heard it.  Played the game it came (To the Moon) from like two years later and yeah, it’s a gut punch.

Eight Melodies - Keiichi Suzuki and Hirokazu Tanaka - Earthbound means a lot to me.  The Sanctuaries and the Eight Melodies mean a lot to me too.  I always have to take a minute for a good cry when I’m playing this game and this part happens.

Undertale - Toby Fox - I remember exactly how I felt when I walked down the long hallway in Undertale and this song started playing for the first time.  It was so out of place from the rest of the soundtrack stylistically, but absolutely perfect.  I remember thinking “this game is changing me.”  I played Undertale REALLY early, before the hype spoiled it for everyone, and this was the moment I realized I was going to be a different person after playing it.

King and Lionheart - Of Monsters and Men - OKAY THIS SONG HAS ONLY BEEN IN MY LIFE FOR TWO WEEKS AND IT’S ALREADY MADE ME CRY UPWARDS OF A TRILLION TIMES SO YEAH.  Just like, fuck me up.  Seriously.  Songs about being there for people you love and holding hands in the endtimes just… UGH.

orange: songs you want other people to associate with you

I call this playlist “BIG MOOD”

Die Anywhere Else - Alec Holowka & Scott Benson (Cover by Mandopony) - I have a weakness for a good riff and a catchy chorus and also anyone who knows me knows the chorus is BIG MOOD HOLY SHIT I WANT TO DIE ANYWHERE BUT HERE.

Live and Learn - Crush 40 - Look I like garbage and I need everyone who knows me to understand that sometimes I unironically listen to butt rock from sonic games.  If you can’t accept that about me we can’t be friends.

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger - Daft Punk - I like to think I’m including this song because of it’s connotations about improving yourself and working towards being a better you but no it’s just robots I love robots.

Dog Days are Over - Florence + The Machine - I literally listen to this song every morning.  It’s my alarm clock.

No Dogs on the Moon - Griffin McElroy - MY AESTHETIC.  Seriously this song is just me.  Catchy off-sync tune with samples of dogs autotuned to nonsense and absolute cuteness.  This is me in song form.

What Would Captain Picard Do? - Hank Green - I may or may not quote this song unironically to people when I make decisions about important things.

Saturn Valley Caverns - Keiichi Suzuki and Hirokazu Tanaka - There’s a tumblr post somewhere about that one friend who makes you listen to shitty ambient cave music from Earthbound on vinyl… I am that friend.

Ready Steady Go! - L’Arc~en~Ciel - LOOK THIS SONG GOT ME THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL AND I COULDN’T FIND A GOOD QUALITY FULL VERSION BUT THAT’S OKAY THE FMA CUT IS PRETTY GOOD CUT.

Love Today - Mika - I think if I wanted people to know one thing it’s that I try my best to love everyone and this song works really good for capturing that mood.

Float On - Modest Mouse - I want to be this chill.  A lot of people think I am this chill.  I am not.  I wish i WAS THO.

Foreign Object - The Mountain Goats - Everyone should know my favorite Mountain Goats song is the one about the guy getting stabbed in the face with a knife because why wouldn’t it be.

Shy Guy’s Toybox - Yuka Tsujiyoko - This is what the inside of my brain feels like on a good day.

*~ASTERISK~ - Orange Range - I guess this song is from Bleach but I never watched Bleach.  I heard this song one time and I was like “THAT.  I WANT TO BE THE WAY THAT SONG MAKES ME FEEL.”  So yeah.  I want to be the way this song makes me feel.

Computer Music - she - sometimes I am basically a shitpost generating robot and people know this and love this about me therefore this song best expresses my love as a computer who loves music.

Pursuing My True Self - Shoji Meguro - Besides the fact that this is from Persona 4 and everyone needs to know I love Persona 4, I’ve taken on this song on as a personal creed because it makes me want to fucking jump kick the moon.

Movin’ Right Along - The Muppets (cover by Alkaline Trio) - Another chill song about going with the flow that I wish I was and i TRY SO HARD TO BE also I love the Muppets and this cover fucking rocks.

Love Like You - Rebecca Sugar - I am trash for this song it just fucks me right up.

canary:songs to listen to on a sunny day

Also known as “PUMPED UP KICKS THAT MAKE ME WANT TO PUNCH THE SUN”. 

I’m not gonna give individual explanations for these ones, but these are songs that make me feel energized and ready to take on the world, which I need when it’s sunny because I hate the sun and want to die.  Also I associate sun with summer, and summer reminds me of being at home and listening to KROQ (local radio station) with my dad.  A lot of these are the kinds of songs that we’d listen to.

I Bet You Look Good on the Dance Floor - Arctic Monkeys

Think I’m in Love - Beck

Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked - Cage the Elephant

World Go Boom - DJ Earworm

Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine

These Days - Foo Fighters

Don’t Stop (Color on the Walls) - Foster the People

Holy Touch - Foxy Shazam

In This City - Iglu & Hartly

Are You Gonna be my Girl? - Jet

Big Casino - Jimmy Eat World

Bad Romance - Lady Gaga

No Children - The Mountain Goats

I will Wait - Mumford and Sons

Savior - Rise Against

Cherry Bomb - The Runaways

Far Behind - Social Distortion

Reptilla - The Strokes

Everything is AWESOME!!! - Tegan and Sara

It’s Getting Boring By the Sea - Blood Red Shoes

THAT WAS FUN BUT I SPENT WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON IT.

[guacnroll]

that 100 question jawn

Yeah so @starsburnouttoo tagged me in this like a month or two ago and I typed it up and never posted it so here it is.  My bad.

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED?

Closed.  I always thought some kind of monster was in there as a kid. Now it’s out of habit.

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS?

Why?  That’s just more shit to pack and potential spillage to clean up later.

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

Sheets tucked in.  You know, like a normal person.

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE?

I haven’t, but I would and I will.

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES?

I just use the memo app on my phone.

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM?

I don’t use coupons unless I need them, so nah.

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES?

Swarm of bees, because they could probably be dealt with easier.  Smoke or some shit.  Worse comes to worse, there’s a better chance of survival with a swarm of bees.

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES?

I don’t think I’ve known any full Filipino with freckles.

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES?

Lmao barely.

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE?

Getting interrupted while tal-

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK?

There’s an app for that, bruh.  Count calories.

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS?

I went backpacking in the mountains for a week for a class, so yeah.

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS?

A week.  At least we had toilet paper.

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING?

Why would I do that? I’m not even a good dancer in general.

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS?

I used to.  Not anymore.

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK?

Do engineering textbooks count as people?

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED?

Twin because that’s what the apartment provided.

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK?

Suede – NxWorries

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK?

Why would it not be okay?

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS?

Listen man, there’s so much anime out there, and with that Steven Universe shit coming out, damn. Speaking of which when is Koe no Katachi and Kimi no Na wa getting subbed this needs to be a thing also back to Steven Universe what’s Cartoon Network doing like are they trying to lower rati-

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE?

If I don’t like a movie I’ll just stop watching it.  The worst movie I remember having to watch all the way through is the second Percy Jackson movie, and I only watched it because my little sister wanted to watch it.

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME?

I’d probably take a long drive somewhere, and find a nice secluded area.  Then I’d bury it there, and record the geo coordinates somewhere.

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER?

It depends on what I’m eating man.  You gotta match the drink to the food, bruh.

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN?

Chick-fil-a sauce, Polynesian sauce, BBQ, ketchup, honey mustard.

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?

Filipino food’s da bomb.com.

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE?

Any Studio Ghibli movie, probably.  Or, you know, Shawshank Redemption.  Maybe Clerks? Idk.

27. LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU?

Someone at a New Year’s Eve party.

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT?

Luh mao.  Nah.

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE?

Yall are funny.

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER?

I dunno, like, sixth grade? Yall ever heard of e-mail?  Game changer, man.

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR?

I drive.  I better know.

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET?

Nah.

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS?

I try to make sure that doesn’t happen.

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH?

Either chicken parm or pulled pork.

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST?

I was talking to a few of other Filipino friends earlier.  Bacon, eggs, and rice seems to be a staple in Filipino, or at least, Fil-Am culture.  Idk if that’s just an Asian thing or a Filipino thing, tho.

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME?

Electrical Engineering major and late working hours dictate between 12-3 AM.

37. ARE YOU LAZY?

Despite all the work I piled onto myself, I still find time to take naps.  So yeah.

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN?

Astronaut, Harry Potter, the usual.

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN?

Year of the ox.

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK?

My parents tried teaching me Tagalog as a kid but apparently my bitchass was like “Speak English I’m an ungrateful brat hahahah.”  I know a few words but other than that, nah.

 And English.  But that’s a given.

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS?

Nah.

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS?

Better question: who would answer Lincoln Logs?

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN?

Only on something that really matters to me.  So like “drop this class it’s getting in the way of your grades,” I’ll be like “nah.” Other than that prolly not.

44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN?

I don’t watch a lot of late night talk shows, and those guys are like before my generation, bro.

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS?

My sister told me to watch this K-Drama called Goblin and that’s basically a soap.

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS?

If there’s no railing then yeah.

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR?

Not unless I’m the only one in the car honestly.

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?

Lmao nah.

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR?

Only when I’m with close friends or alone.

50. EVER USED A GUN?

Yeah.  It was pretty fun ngl.

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER?

Last year.

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY?

[has flashbacks of high school pit band]

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL?

The most stressful part of Christmas is my mom bringing us to Church for like 3 hours.

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI?

They’re pretty good.

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE?

Apple, probably.

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?

Musician, author, scientist, somebody famous with lots of hoes and money, idk.

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS?

My friend claims he talks to ghost and I’m inclined to believe him tbh.

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING?

Yeah, a bunch.

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY?

Nah.

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS?

Don’t touch my chinelas cuh

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE?

Nah.

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED?

Sweatpants, t-shirt.   The basics.

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT?

Kanye West, floor tickets, TLOP PSU 2016 heh heh

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART?

Target bruh

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS?

I have a pair of Adidas sweatpants so like Adidas I guess

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS?

Cheetos if I had to choose.

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS?

I hate peanuts.

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN?

Ohhh you tryna go there? You think just because you know one obscure band means you’re all that but I bet you don’t even listen to prog rock you hipster piec-

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS?

I should.

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING?

Nah.  But the dream girl is probably Yuja Wang, so if you’re classically trained in any instrument then you’re probably an 8/10 in my book already.

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE?

Nah I got dem recessive genes bruh.

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE?

Like, once.  In third grade.  It wasn’t a huge thing.

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY?

The only time that would’ve happened in my life is when my sister was born.

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS?

I got a vinyl of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band b/c y not ya feel

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER?

I’ll probably buy one. Eventually.

76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE?

The only thing I burn regularly is dat broccoli heh

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?

Yeah, that’s like a thing most people do.

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT?

I’mma see Chance the Rapper soon, but other than that, Kendrick Lamar, J. Cole, Isaiah Rashad, and I’d like to hear Yuja Wang perform some Prokofiev or Rachmaninoff or something.

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW?

Kanye West lol

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA?

Hot tea preferably.

81. TEA OR COFFEE?

I like both, but given my life I’ve been drinking a lot of coffee to stay awake recently.

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES?

Idk.

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL?

I know how to swim, I guess.

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE?

Who can’t?..

85. ARE YOU PATIENT?

I wouldn’t be able to be an engineer if I wasn’t :^)

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING?

I’ll figure it out when I’m at that point.

87. EVER WON A CONTEST?

Does winning a music scholarship for my high school count.

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY?

Nah.

89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES?

I’m not, like, an olive expert man.

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET?

Nah.

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE?

The living room I guess.

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?

Yeah sure.

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED?

Nah.

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH?

There was some cute bassist in the pit band in my junior year.  I prolly could’ve asked her out, but like she was a senior going to college so I didn’t really see a real reason at that point.

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY?

No because I try to be better than that.

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Nah.

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS?

Sure.

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?

Idk, blue, maroon.

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW?

I’m at home rn so nah.

100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS VIDEO NEXT?

Is this a video?  This isn’t a video.

@katie-be-happy @bluebrry  What’s up yooo

[almarchive]

   hello, its nora n this is the ethereal but spoiled alma olive putnam. she goes by all 3 names cos she’s pretentious as fuck. raised in a farmhouse in vermont, never really had to work for anything in her life and doesn’t want to. studying class civ cos she thinks it makes her sound smart, but actually hates fuckin latin and just loves learning about feckless hedonism and the festivals of bacchus. was expelled from princeton in her first year so her parents basically paid her way into lockwood. loves the smell of libraries and listening to french music from a tinny record player in knee socks. bio is below the cut, like this post to be bombarded with plotting messages. i might forget tho so pls message me x

application template.

( elle fanning  / cis-female ) haven’t seen ALMA OLIVE PUTNAM around in a while. the ELLE FANNING lookalike has been known to be TENACIOUS & MAGNETIC, but SHE can also be FANCIFUL & DOUBLE-CROSSING. The 20 year old is a SOPHOMORE majoring in CLASSICS. I believe they’re living in FIDELIS but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( nora. 23. gmt. she/her. )

aesthetics.

a red beret nestled on top of bright platimum locks, neck scarves tied around your throat the way they do it in french new wave films, running barefoot through the woods in feckless hedonism, china dolls with porcelain faces lined against the walls of your room, the mona lisa smile, knee-socks tugged over the hockey grazes on your knees, a forged botticelli drying on your easel, ophelia floating in the middle of a lake.

connection to tatiana & did they choose her name during the watershed?

alma saw her as academic competition and a threat to her de jure throne. in freshman year, tatiana got the role alma auditioned for in a university production. she’s disliked her ever since. alma abslutely chose tatiana’s name, and she’d do it again without hesitating. [that vine voice] I WON’T HESITATE, BITCH

the short form.

—  born in vermont in a big old farmhouse. her great-great-grandfather moved to america as an immigrant and worked on a plantation, made his way up cos he could speak a lot of languages and therefore win more people over. for the last two generations, putnam men have owned the farm and do little of the dirty work. big in the meat industry.

— both her parents had large personalities, so alma’s never really been shy around adults, even as a kid she’d speak to them in a forthright, confident manner, and because she was always surrounded by adults, she’s always seemed a bit wise beyond her years. — very much a consolidation of every character in the secret history. has a morbid longing for the picturesque at all costs. obsessed with w.h. auden and the beat poets. — ”aestheticism is the only thing worth pursuing and even that is pointless” — is majoring in classical civilisation. can read ancient greek and latin. also speaks french. — studies hard and plays hard. she gets top marks but it’s because academia is literally her life, she loves the smell of libraries, the ancient smoke of learning, of feeling like old wine in a new bottle reincarnated from the bones of some old, dead witchy woman who invented a cure for cowpox or somethin. — isn’t a foward-planner, however. alma prefers to leave her options open, play the field, live in a spontaneous manner so her study style is mostly cramming a few days before a test, or staying up all night writing an essay on a massive adrenaline boost powered by red bull or probably adderall, scribbling (or typing) furiously into the night. — pretentious motherfucker. loves poetry, especially the romantics, loves morbid ones too, edgar allen poe, sylvia plath, allen ginsberg, she just loves them all. can’t get enough. her favourite films are like…. wanky artfilm independent european cinema. especially french new wave. “what do you think of goddard’s work??” while snorting a line off someone’s sink at 5am on a school night, but you can bet she’ll make it to that 9am class. — very intelligent and beautiful and knows both of those facts. plays devil’s advocate. humanitarian, vegan. — judgemental but takes great care not to appear so. petty and vindictive — just wants to be loved by all. a party girl ; doesn’t rlly enjoy it, jst feels she should enjoy it. — tries to be an enigma. wants to be mysterious and unreadable because that’s what books have taught her makes women desirable and interesting and cool. — obsessively devours mystery and thriller novels. she herself is a gillian flynn book waiting to happen. — act like the flower but be the serpent under it. is a user. manipulative. leads people on. will throw another student under the bus to demonstrate her own intelligence and integrity — heavily involved in the theatre society. loves attention. — has an addictive personality. seems unable to do anything in a small dose, she has to let it utterly consume her. with sports, she’s fiercely competitive, runs track, played lacrosse at school, now is a cheerleader probably. with alcohol, it’s never a shot, it’s a whole bottle – wine or whiskey – she’ll be table dancing before the night’s up and making out with someone she’ll regret in the morning. — her clothing style is like…. vintage thrift store but make it preppy. berets and cute hats, neck scarves, large fluffy cardigans or like those leathery jackets with big suede fringes on them, mini skirts (very 70s), and knee-high socks or boots. quite often she’ll be in sports kit, maybe a cute tennis skirt, n when she’s feeling casual she’ll wear like, a talking heads tshirt with a pair of mom jeans and converse, but otherwise, the library is her catwalk. — relates to ophelia from hamlet and sibyl vane in dorian gray. weirdly obsessed with women who commit suicide. loves jackson pollock paintings and abstract art. – likes old things. old books, old music, old houses, it reminds her of happier times like when she wasn’t alive. buys all her music on vinyl and has a gramophone because “the sound quality is better” kfdsjj.

plots.

here are some generic wanted plots but by all means message me so we can flesh them out more if any strike ur interest:

study buddies !! someone who is equally unprepared and so spends all night in the library with alma before a big deadline, maybe they even met in the library

if they’re from new england or vermont, then cousins . second cousins / extended family / family friends –  probably spat volavons on your character once as children, omg childhood friends !

people who live on the same floor and only know each other from brief interactions in the lift or the canteen

frinds !! unlikely friends !! toxic friends !! former best friends separated by sporting or academic rivalries !

hockey / cheer friends who are on other teams but who she absolutely loves playin against!!!

fellow academics who like meeting up to discuss latin and greek ! gimme a secret society bonding by their love of ancient learning

i reckon she’s in a lot of societies, definitely the film club, maybe works as a projectionist at the uni cinema if they have one so give me ppl affiliated with that, give me fellow wanky pretentious art-lovers and poets and historians who will go to museums and galleries with her and listen to the velvet underground on vinyl

people she gets mortally fucked off her tits with at parties

people who think she is throwing her academic potential away by caving to hedonistic impulse

people she has drunkenly made out with, hooked up with, or regularly sleeps with casually, maybe even a friend w benefits she is repressing feelings for, i love angst,

people she used to date or unrequitedly likes, but to them it’s just a physical thing, give me all the thirsty angst plots, and maybe some softness too, i need some religion in this girls life, she is a roman catholic after all

full biography.

alma olive putnam.

intro.

           the girl is a knife. razor-sharp, double-edged, the bright shine of a two-faced, lovely thing. silver like the secrets you magpie thief from other heads. you’re a scavenger of knowledge, of tidbits, of gossip to lock away for later use and late-night re-inspection. a mind is like a clock if you get to learn the pieces. bit by bit, you dismantle the inner workings of the brains that tick around you – how easy it is to change it’s path, how words and their meanings can make a person laugh or cry in an instant. to have the power to control that is to be a god. it’s the power trip you crave wielding pom-poms in your hands; a possessive need for control that a younger you, small and weak, never had as a child. small lips, smaller smile, a doll clutched in your too-hungry fingers, hard enough to shatter the bones of a real infant. you cut your hair with your mother’s kitchen scissors before the autumn falls, rendering you out of season, unfit for the cold weather that beats against the nape of your neck, where a stick-and-poke marks the star you were born under ; the bull. “mama, when will i be a queen?” as soon as they find a crown small enough not to slip from your head.

biography.

           if you get hungry enough, they say, you start eating your own heart. hands red, stained by pomegranate seeds, the empty pulp of its shell splattered on your thighs you find yourself wondering – what would it be like to want? in the beginning, you never knew hunger. twins, born under the same star, you first, him second – a nuclear family. never a sister to compete with, you were always the cherry pie of your parents’ hearts. white-haired, blue-eyed, beautiful baby of mine. the townhouse in vermont and the summer house in lyon, you wanted for nought, showered with attention, saddled with gifts - hardly a wonder you came to rely on such affection as a confirmation of your own worth.

           at eight years old you first met death, blood on a gingham-print dress, a smear of it over your cheekbone and the pulp of a mangled animal at your feet murdered by the hands of a stable boy. “alma, my precious baby, you get away from that filth,” your mama would cry from the upstairs balcony – cigar in one hand and a bloody mary in the other – though whether the filth she referred to was the dead pig or the boy with a kernel of corn in his mouth, you never did find out.

           your family earned their keeps in farming, great-grandfather wolfgang hildegarde a german immigrant, great-grandmother maura lisbon a prairie girl. they fell hopelessly in love between troughs and pig-shit, working for three dollars a day at a farm their descendants would later own, trade deals with the indians, vacations to calcutta, your father todd putnam in the kind of sheepskin coat his father’s father could only dream of owning. he worked hard so that you’d never have to. your mama once asked – you heard it through the window, rounding cartwheels across the picket-fenced lawn – could he not find a respectable career rather than selling shrink-wrapped pork for a dime a dozen? that blood money had no business raising a child. you look far back enough, edie, your father had said in his low, strong voice that could bring a civil war to silence, and i think you’ll find that all money is blood money.

           language was never fickle on your tongue, french dinner time talk by the time you were out of your hush puppy shoes, your mama fixing the au pair a smile as she fixed herself another martini. you learned the clarinet at four and how to dance with the grace of a swansong at six, ethereal under a spotlight, an audience captive in the palm of your hand. by eight you knew that you’d always been destined to be loved. loved so hard they would want to taste you, bite into the soft plump of your cheek and eat you alive. that was how magnetic you wanted to feel. but mother hamsters eat their own young when penned in together too long, and soon you became too wild, too restless, another package on your father’s delivery invoice, box-shipped out to english boarding school.

           fitting in had never been something you had to concern yourself with. you were always the shiny new toy the other girls wanted to play with, bright like a dropped coin from a magpie’s beak. wherever you went, you seemed to leave a trail of awe, pig-tailed harriet’s adoring you, imitating you, teachers forgiving your class-time chatter for the sake of your wild heart and the restless spirit you possessed. tell us what it’s like in the states, alma. they’d coo, enamoured by your hollywood drawl. does your father own a gun? you hardly knew. barely even knew the colour of his hair, for the scarce amount of times he’d stoop to kiss your cheek, though you’d tell silver-tongued tales if it’d guaranteed you an audience. when you learned how to smile at the right times, and that flattery would get you everywhere, it soon became apparent that charm would pave the yellow brick road to success even when your lack of drive couldn’t.

           the road you followed – gum-snapping, roller-blading, friendship bands all up your arm – eventually led you to small-town fame. bright-eyed and gingham skirted, you’d always known you were more. there was a hunger in you to be something extraordinary, a want so adamant to be imagined and desired that it was almost savage. in leather-bound volumes and a circle of stones, you were helen of troy, the girl for whom they’d launch a thousand ships. but there’s so much rage within you, collecting like sawdust in cavernous parts. hockey helped. there was something grounding about the feeling of a stick clasped in your hands. sweat. stiff knuckles. feet pounding the earth. the smash of wood against flesh in the scram of a game, passed off as mere enthusiasm. “slipped, sorry.” hockey is the one thing you had that was yours alone – a feral instinct that motivates you to play; something primitive within you that sparks an energy like no other. on the pitch, you feel alive.