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2centsofsilver · 8 years

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1/27

It’s 2:09 AM- Figured I’d blog! Tomorrow I have a 10-6pm all-day company training as a new employee at BGC. I’m not nervous where I would be with my old job at NR. I don’t know anyone so that’s why I’m not nervous. I have a feeling they don’t waste time with icebreakers or see real value in them. I could be wrong, it’s just a hunch. Today I literally slept all day. I slept through all my alarms, through therapy, all the way up until I had to leave for work. I taught my very last class today for YR and announced to the kids (my favorite school/class/group of kiddos) that it was my last day. They acted disappointed/sad and asked lots of questions. We took pictures and they said, “because you’re going to miss us?!” I wore my new LulaRoe maxi which is gorgeous. It’s the first time I’ve ever worn a skirt in public! This clothing line has brought me such joy and confidence and this teaching job has reduced a large chunk of my fear of public speaking. I’ll miss the parents, the staff, and the kids. I made a friend through work who I hang out with occasionally and talk to on FB all the time. My bosses also live in my hometown which is pretty neat. I taught at a school in Portage, Vicksburg, and Comstock and subbed in Galesburg and Vicksburg as well. Generally speaking, I didn’t really support the way in which they trained us to teach the lessons and I wanted out since Day 1. I don’t believe in “Wine and Canvas” art - the step-by-step “this is how we draw a line,” everyone’s should look the same in the end stuff. I wasn’t supposed to allow the kids to customize their own drawings or I could get in trouble, but I usually found a way to get around that rule. Today the lesson was Emojis. It consisted of 2 faces, a robot, a pizza, a trophy, and a crown. I let the kids choose whatever shapes they wanted for the jewels on the crown and I let them choose their favorite pizza toppings. Yesterday one of the kids I struggle most with ended up adding a tremendous amount of very concerning violent details to his picture. I’ll probably talk to my supervisors about it, but I didn’t really have time to approach the parent yesterday. I didn’t hang it up on the wall though. The new replacement teacher will certainly have his/her hands full! My 21 Day Fix program has sorta been slipping, but I’m trying not to see it that way. It’s really hard to maintain when you have issues sleeping/waking up. I shop at Aldi now and I love how healthy their selection of foods is. I’m able to find super healthy snacks and meals and am no longer struggling to get green and red containers in. For example, my friend from downstairs came over a few days ago and we spent a short hour of her teaching me how to make turkey burgers before we went to the gym. Now I can make turkey burgers and count those as protein. I also make/found healthy vegetable chips at Aldi, steamable off-brand broccoli, and frozen microwaveable kale burgers I can use for green containers and I’m also planning on making health shakes (in addition to Shakeology; or potentially dropping Shakeology all together). The hardest part is giving nutrition AND fitness my all every week. I can give one or the other my all. I’m working on my sleep schedule and working to give both my all. Making mistakes and shooting for “grey scale” (moderated) goals is not my strong suit. I’m hosting my first LulaRoe pop-up party on Sunday alongside my consultant from San Francisco who I’ve grown to become friends with over the last few months. The co-worker friends at BT where my position was eliminated in November introduced me to LR. They don’t talk to me anymore, but I’ve thanked them for introducing me to this amazing clothing line (god I sound like a promoter/marketer/fake ass seller), but it’s true. Anytime I talk to people and tell them how much I love it or invite them to the pop-up I feel like I’m trying to sell it, but that’s not the case. I have never been into shit like this in my life and have always considered it super stupid lol. Example: Jewelry parties, tubberware parties, etc. Not my thing. The first time I ever heard of LR was through an old NR employee and I was very much not interested. But at BT I was able to feel and get a good look at the clothing and then I attended an in-person LR party with those co-workers where I literally tried on just under 50 outfits. That day I spend more than $300 dollars and little did I know, developed a fast-moving addiction. Little did I know, my income would go down to practically nothing and just a few months later I’d be in a financial crisis (from too much LR plus the loss of my steady job leaving only one super part-time job bringing in literally $75 a week with only monthly paychecks). But so far, I’ve accumulated over 30 LR items: I’ve won 3 pairs of leggings, purchased 3 others, 3-4 Irmas, 3 Cassies, 4 Carlys, 1 Nicole, 1 Ameila, 1 Lola, 2 Lindseys, 1 Randy, 1 Perfect-T, 3-4 Maxis, 1 Joy, and 1 Sarah. With my pop-up this weekend and a handful of friends who have told me they’ll likely buy 1-2 items, I’m hoping to get some free stuff. I plan to pick out some solid color Irmas to go with all these amazing skirts, and a Julia (if possible) to go with my new Lola. In all honesty, I kind of want to gift some free items to some friends. LR has CHANGED MY LIFE for the better in the following ways -INCREASED CONFIDENCE -Leading to INCREASED HAPPINESS -Increased positivity -General feeling good about myself and appearance day-to-day -Finally feel included in something trending -Finally can wear cute clothes everyone else is wearing/can wear -HUGE MOTIVATOR FOR WEIGHT LOSS this year -Realizing I do have a body type capable of beautiful clothes -True self-expression -Developing personal unique style -Able to share that with others without validation -Capable of achieving that style (knowing how I want to look and finding the clothes that fit that) It’s an amazing way for someone who struggles with social anxiety (appearance to others) and inner depression (self-loathing) to increase quality of life and feel good. At first I was concerned that the clothes looked cheap/fake (such as printed leggings; totally not my thing, or striped/bright leggings or shirts with rainbows and animals and stuff on them- yuck). But I’m finding it’s totally possible to find prints that are my own unique style: old-school navy/red/forest green plaid skirts, traditional houndstooth, black and navy checkered shirts/cardigans, super earthy designs (not just plain shirts with printed flowers, but actual earthy natural patterns and fabrics), patchwork designs, vintage, retro, whatever you like really. I’m super drawn right now to the gorgeous bohemian Lola skirts. I can’t get enough! The whole “Catholic school girl” look is something I’m also like shyly obsessed with. I think I’m going to go to bed now. I have all-day company training in the morning and given I slept all day (till work then after work till 10:30pm), I actually woke up at 10:30 thinking it was 10:30am (half-past the time I’m supposed to be to the meeting in Northeast Kzoo tomorrow). I completely flipped my shit, jumped out of bed in my normal “fuck I slept through an obligation” daze, ran to the bathroom, said “I slept in my entire outfit, fine, I’ll just wear this” and “shit, no time to eat, that’s fine, I’ll just starve”) till I realized it was dark outside. I strained my eyes to look at that 10:32 time on my clock. “PM” it said. I closed my eyes, relieved. Heart had been pounding. “What will I say? ‘I’m so sorry! I thought it was at 11′” Lies upon lies had filled my delirious head in a matter of a few seconds. But no, PM. Thank the fictional god for that one. Peace, Love, Happiness, Strong Girl Trying in 2017

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