#I really liked writing Ezekial’s bit smile

[andro-dino]

for the oc ask. axel. 8 for luther, 16 for ezekial, and 38 for any of your ocs!

for creator asks, how about F?

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?

I think probably a lot of what you’d kinda expect from someone in Luther’s kind of situation. A whole lot of “toughen up” “stand up straight” “treat this more seriously” that sort of thing. But in the more specific, probably more concerning areas, some “Stop showing your feelings so much” “Don’t get so attached” and “Don’t look away.” that last one particularly haunts him.

What makes their stomach turn?

At first, Ezekial was most put off when he started realizing what made Luther anxious. When they were waiting to get picked up from school and Luther would smile and wave goodbye when he walked away from him, but seeing how his face turned to stone as soon as closed the door of the sleek black car that always picked him up, when Luther would suddenly become panicked and jittery when that same car passed by them when they were out. At one point, it was the way Luther leveled out his voice while he lied to his face with frozen eyes that refused to tell him their secrets. Now, it’s not the way Luther speaks to him; he’s okay hearing Luther say how much he hates him and wants him gone because he knows it’s not true, and it’s not the way Luther treats him either; he’s endured enough that getting punched and kicked and thrown doesn’t really phase him anymore, no, what really makes Ezekial feel particularly sick now is having to watch what Luther’s become. It’s the same face he’s always known, if maybe a bit more refined, the same face that used to be so kind and bright, but now won’t even show so much as a quirk of the corner of his lips. It’s the same voice he’s always heard, that’s always laughed and joked with him and sung his praise and support, but now it’s lower, more level, never daring to ever be any louder or more expressive unless it’s to yell at him. It’s the way that he has to wonder what Luther has had to do, to experience, to force himself to commit to, that makes Ezekial particularly uneasy.

What memory do they revisit the most often? 

Axyl often tends to think about the first time they “quit” beyblade. When they took the tear stained wooden practice bey Ryo carved for them and threw it right back at his chest, vowing they’d never pick up a bey again, and the talk Hyoma and aer had later. In contrast, it also often thinks back to the way they were first drawn to its gemios. How they felt compelled to pick it up in the sand and how well it fit in aer hand.

Essi tends to dwell a lot on the first time she lost to Gingka and felt good about it, and how that was what lit the fire in her to keep going and continue to become stronger and stronger.

Ezekial never forgets his and Luther’s big argument. It haunts his every living moment, it’s his biggest regret and fear and strongest driving force. He remembers how Luther yelled at him like he’d never yelled before and how quickly his attempt at a solemn face broke into frustration and hot, angry tears. He will never stop thinking about the moment Luther finally turned away from him.

Luther doesn’t dwell on the past.

What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

I think it changes for every one of my characters.

For Juno, I kinda just always “IBWIBWIBWIBWIBWIBWIBWIBIIIIII 💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞” whenever I think about her. She makes me extremely happy and I want to put her on a little velvet cushion in a glass case and display her on a shelf in a big fancy main hall of a big fancy palace.

Essi I want to squish and roll out like a little ball of play doh. She brings me joy, though also kinda hits really hard when I think about her primary conflicts and how heavily and personally I project onto her in those regards.

Axyl i tend to kinda be embarrassed about because I remember that he’s a character that is a very obvious beyblade self insert and I go “this is so cringe” but I’m also very affectionate towards him because despite being a very close self insert he’s also very much his own character and I enjoy getting to take the things I think and experience as the person I am and flesh them out and voice them on a vessel besides myself. It’s very therapeutic but also just an interesting story for a character. I feel like media tends to focus a lot on characters who are very skilled and strong already getting stronger and more strong and I constantly want more serious focus on characters who actually kinda suck and what they do and are weak and lame because that’s kinda what I am at most things, and Axyl’s kinda my opportunity to see that. I enjoy fleshing out its character because it gives me an opportunity to write something I wanna see more of.

Kosuke brings me psychic damage most of the time tbh. I’ve had kinda bastard characters before but I have no idea how he specifically morphed into the bastard he is today. It is literally so far off now from what I originally wanted him to be and I’m not entirely unconvinced that it wasn’t his own doing and willing their being into existence thru sheer freak energy alone. I like that other people are interested in him but he’s become such a freak at this point that I don’t even know what to do with them. They are more of a weirdo than any character I’ve ever had and I feel like that’s saying something. They’ve become more powerful than I am at this point. I’m kinda afraid of him, but they’re also stupid and dumb and I very frequently slap him against the wall like a wet wad of spaghetti in my head.

Ezekial is interesting because I feel like I’ve only recently started to take him more seriously. Looking back at a lot of old doodles of him and revisiting the ideas I had for him is interesting bc he used to be a lot more goofy and comedic all the time and while that is still partially a part of his character, it’s a lot more sad now and he just makes me sad /pos. He’s such a poor wet dog trying to make the best of what he can and he makes me so upset and I want to tuck him gently into bed and give him a cup of hot cocoa but I know very well that that is not what I’m going to do. He’s an interesting character to write and think about and he’s just so incredibly upsetting.

Luther I want to squeeze aggressively until his eyes pop out of his head like one of those pencil toppers you’d see at school book fairs. He’s so repressed and sad and pathetic and has so many problems and he’s so infuriating and dumb. He also makes me immensely sad, with how messed up his backstory is and how is present actions are very much a reflection of everything he’s endured and how long it’d take for him to recover, if ever. There’s one scene specifically that I probably won’t share publicly for a very long time if at all that is such an emotional rollercoaster with the false security it brings at first and HEAVY emotional drop at the end that just. ourgh. ourghhh. a lot of emotional scenes with him in them make me feel like that. I love writing him so much but oooooooouuuuurghhhh he hurts me so bad.