#I remember someone saying the same earlier but they didn't remember where that belief came from

[canisalbus]

Fun fact, in Chinese belief, two moles beneath the eyes mean misfortune and bad luck, as well as turbulent love life. It fits for Vasco.. considering his napkin gets ripped up. :(

.

[adipostsstuff]

So, we know that Es usually takes the audience's reasons for having any given verdict, but there have been times where they don't do that.

Shidou: there were many differing reasons ad to why people voted him innocent, but the main one was that he is hot. Obviously Es 'takes their job very seriously and is also a minor' would not accept this reasoning. This means their own justification for this verdict was entirely their own. I didn't see anyone theorise that Shidou's victims were braindead patients whose organs he transferred to healthier patients like they did so that was probably their own theory. (understandable the popular one was dumb as shit (can you tell I have a strong hatred for organ harvesting theory?)) (it's interesting that the writers went out of their way to have Es state an alternate interpretation of the events in his video to the popular one when no one else gets this treatment. It may be because forgiving someone when you think they did something as awful as what most people think he did is very hard to justify). They say that they assumed he saved as many lives as he killed as therefore decided his crime was forgivable, so they probably subscribe to utilitarianism, or perhaps the idea that one life can be worth the same as another. While most people subscribe to this kind of belief, it's still worth noting this is something Es themselves believe, not something we implanted into them. (As an aside it's really funny this was the first time they call themselves we. No, Es, we did not forgive him for that reason, you came up with that yourself. We forgave him because he's hot.) They also state that they would say this even if it was their own family, but coming from someone who doesn't remember their family this doesn't mean much, and it was a stupid question for Shidou to ask anyway. I'll bet if he used any of the prisoners as a subject instead, Es' answer would change up real quick.

Kazui: the accepted theory at the time was that he cheated on his wife, and I'm assuming (because I wasn't actually there during the first trial) he was voted innocent because most people thought that crime wasn't that bad, at least compared to actual murder. Es, however, makes it very clear the only reason they forgave him was because of lack of information. For whatever reason, they have a strong dislike for 'people who act based on their sexual urges', which is a really specific thing to dislike for someone who's meant to be an audience surrogate. They also appear to have strong views on marriage, which is also really weird since they stated earlier they 'have no interest in [romantic relationships]'. I have no idea what this means but it seems important.

Amane: she was voted guilty in the first trial so "teach her what she did was wrong" (which by the way I still think was very stupid and am forever salty about). In her first voice drama, Es explicitly tates they have no interest in doing that. It's for "firm honest judgements", not to "turn them into functional members of society" (paraphrasing), so it makes sense that they wouldn't agree with this reasoning as it contradicts with their previous statements. They just say that they don't believe murder for the sake of religious doctrine is acceptable. Interestingly enough while they do say the fact that she is a child is an unavoidable fact it seems they didn't take that into account with her verdict. Is it because she asked them not to or because it would be harder to justify a guilty verdict with that in mind? This does make it more interesting that it was a thing they considered with Yuno (especially since, you know, she's older than them). Not sure what to make of this.

[scuttle-buttle]

Chapter 11

WC: 2077

Rated: E

Chapter Tags: full on angst, discussions of emotional trauma, mild depictions of blood/gore, mentions of self h*rm & su*cide, mentions of child abuse, discussions of physical disabilities, institutionalization, some dialogue & plot canon to TV show, hurt/comfort

🧠

The rest of the conference went by much like the first day did. Both you and Laszlo bought a few books for your collections. An ease had settled over your conversations with the help of Sara and John's presence; you spoke more freely with each other. You tell yourself it is not because he's going soft on you or vice versa, but rather that you have found yourself in this imaginary bubble where you happen to get on well. It's inevitable that it will pop once you’re back at school and Laszlo will revert back to his usual callous state.

Laszlo. It still felt odd to think of him like that, rather than by his title. You couldn't lie, it gave you a sort of thrill. Even in your dreams you had only called him by his honorific. Thankfully you didn't have another dream after Friday. You couldn't escape the feeling that you'd said something incriminating in front of the man in question. So you chose to pretend it didn't happen.

Monday morning came and you headed to the train station. Once again he had secured a private cabin for the journey. This time you came prepared with a book since you had yet to replace your broken phone.

"Thank you again for inviting me to this, I really enjoyed myself. It was really nice of the department to foot my travel expenses, the hotel was really fancy. I may have helped myself to a mini-bottle or two," you joked.

"There is no need to worry about the department's finances; they were not involved."

You pause. He paid for you? Laszlo did say he would take care of the arrangements; but the four-star hotel, the private compartment train tickets, the admission to the conference, and every meal? Shit, that must have been a fortune, hundreds of dollars at least.

You don't know what to say, so you settle for an awkward "oh." A moment passes before you add "I appreciate that, um, I can pay you back. Might take some time but I can."

The professor is flippant in his reply. "There is no need, it was well spent for the research and knowledge acquired." He opens his book signaling the conversation is over.

You lick your lips. Fine then, I'll just consider it payment for emotional suffering and damages of the last eight weeks.

The first few hours of the journey were spent reading one of the new books you picked up at the convention. Occasionally you would peek over the pages at the professor. He was engrossed in his own selection; sometimes he would pause to write down a thought.

Around the seventh hour of your journey you had given up on reading anymore in favor of looking at the fields outside. The silence was comforting.

Laszlo had trouble concentrating on the book in his hand. He saw you as a conundrum. One minute you could be sociable and teasing with your comments, then next you were biting at his throat with your quick wit and fierce ideals. He decides that he wants to know what made you into who you are today. Now is as good a time as any.

His eyes on you cause a tingle up your spine but you ignore it. Laszlo breaks the silence; "may I ask a personal question?"

"You just did," you answer, still peering out of the large window. He huffed once, amused. At his following silence you face him. You raise your eyebrows to signal him to go on with his question. Curiosity grows at the thought of what he intends to ask.

"Twice now you have made implications of a traumatic past," he begins.

Bubble popped.

Interrupting, you snark "is this the part where you psychoanalyze me, doc? Because trust me, I've been through enough of that." You pick at the lint on your jeans.

Laszlo tries to choose his words more carefully the next time he speaks. "What I mean to say is, the first afternoon in the classroom where you defended that student you implied you had been witness to a trauma. You then displayed signs of anger and embarrassment before leaving prematurely. Yesterday you mentioned having entered a psychiatric facility. As an alienist I can't help but find myself curious about your experiences."

You slide your eyes to meet his from across the cabin. Your face is devoid of any emotion. "We all have our demons. Even you can't argue with that."

Your jaw clenches. Everyone had warned you. They all said he would try to worm his way into your head to figure you out. All the reviews, the gossip, everything. It was a big fat 'I told you so'. You give a pitiful laugh at the situation. "You know, everyone told me that you would pull this stunt."

He seems confused by your statement. "And what is that?"

"That you'd get inside my head and try to figure me all out or whatever. You already know I googled you beforehand, what everyone says about your methods. By now I assume you've done a little research yourself. I promise you there is nothing exciting here," you scoff and point to yourself.

"You would be correct in your assumption." You chew at your cheek as he starts. "I do know some of what happened in your past. Yet I also know that society likes to dilute the truth into something either more palatable, more entertaining, for people to consume greedily. What I want to know is what you have faced. How you have not allowed the experience to overcome you so much so that your humanity is erased like the characters I lecture on."

Eyes closing of their own volition you are thrown back in time to that night so many years ago. You didn't talk about it anymore. Bitsy knew of course, but that was the extent.

Laszlo waits. He knows this is likely to push you over the edge if your history with him means anything. Quite frankly, anyone would be tossed to their limit at his interrogation had they gone through what you had. John always told him that he needed to work on his bedside manner; that he had a habit of coming on too strong in his pursuit of learning the intricacies of the human mind. But your earlier comment about being sent to a so-called 'nuthouse' rubbed him the wrong way. It left a bad taste in his mouth. He needed to know. He needed to understand.

Laszlo can imagine the reprimand that he would receive from John and Sara for this. Just as he considers apologizing for his intrusion you open your eyes.

"She was fine. None of us suspected anything was wrong. I came home from having dinner with some… boy, and she had locked herself in the bathroom. She- she must have started over the sink and moved to sit on the side of the tub. She was hunched inside it when I got the door open. I pulled her out. Blood was… everywhere." Your voice is clinical as you explain.

"After, I shut down. So I checked myself into a psych ward a few days later when I couldn't get the feel of her blood off my hands. It's slippery, you know. And it smells. You wouldn't think so but it does." You clear your throat. "I did the therapy, took the meds they prescribed, all the standard treatments. Later I started watching true crime documentaries. I'd heard about exposure therapy so I figured the more I saw the gore, the less the image of my dead roommate would bother me. And it did help. The nightmares stopped after a while, I came back to school. I was better, just not the same.” You had watched the passing landscape as you explained. Turning to face him you speak again. “That's why those pictures didn't bother me. They weren't anything I hadn't seen before."

He contemplates you. The discovery and subsequent loss of your friend in this manner would no doubt cause lingering effects to your psyche. A stain that would forever remind you. "I offer my sincerest condolences. I do not presume to know what that would be like to experience, but I am glad you sought help afterwards. To make the choice to alleviate yourself of your own suffering where possible.”

As he says this he realizes that your anger towards the idea of being enslaved to unconscious impulse makes perfect sense. It explains why you focused so much energy on defending your belief in free will. That you have the power to choose how you carry your joy, your anger, your healing. It reminds him of how he held onto his own guilt and hurt, ignoring how it festered within him for so long. He feels as though he needs to share a piece of himself with you.

“I played piano as a child, quite well too. My mother hoped I would someday make a career of it. I vividly remember playing Mozart’s Concerto for Piano No. 20 in D Minor at a holiday party when I was seven years old. It was my favorite to play.... It requires two hands." You finally look at him. "My father...” He pauses to gather himself.

Now it is the doctor that cannot meet your eyes. As you listen you feel your confusion grow. How could he have been a talented pianist if he only had full use of his left hand? Unless..., the realization dawns on you just as he continues, his words slow.

“My father had two sides. One loving and the other brutal, the two often coexisting. It was something as trivial as putting me to bed, I recall... A game of tug of war. We were laughing…” He inhales a sharp breath. Already you can feel the tears begin to blur your vision. “I don't remember if he was drunk or if I said something that offended him. He must have pulled my arm behind my back.” Laszlo exhales shakily. “In small children, fractures can often affect…” he trails off, unable to finish. You can hear how he barely holds himself together.

Your heart aches for the broken man that sits in front of you. He never let on how much his arm bothered him, at least not within your presence. Suddenly you don’t see him as this rude, insufferable, obsessive man, but instead as someone that spends his life trying to protect himself. He projects his own anger and hurt so that he may, just for a minute, forget about his own demons. He wants to help others even when he feels he cannot bear to help himself.

But unlike you, he has to live with the physical reminder of his past every day of his life.

You stand and move to sit on his right side. Before allowing yourself to think too much of your actions, you place your hand atop his own, curling your fingers around his palm and squeezing delicately. You don’t bother wiping away the tears on your cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Laszlo;” the whisper is barely heard above the sound of the train. A second passes where you fear you have overstepped and offended him by touching the affected limb. When his thumb tightens against the backs of your fingers you know he is not. He holds you in place.

“You asked me how I kept my humanity. How does anyone really? We learn to take what we get and we carry it in a bag. Sometimes you have to drag the damn thing behind you. But eventually the weight gets less and less if you allow yourself to move forward, even if it’s still there with you all the time. I dealt with what happened years ago and it does still haunt me. It’s easier now than it was, but… I- I suppose I’ve learned from you too. Sitting in those lectures and hearing you talk. We can either let it haunt us for the rest of our lives… or we can accept it… and use the memory of our pain to help ourselves and others.”

“I’m not sure the choice is entirely in our hands.” His tone is mournful.

You turn to smile at him through your tears. His own eyes are bloodshot. “I disagree. If it weren’t, if we didn’t have the freedom to choose that, we’d all be murderers.”

Tag list

@hardlyinteresting @lorna-d-m @livvyshmiv @somethingthatsaysbubbles @greeneyedblondie44 @unbeatablecurlgirl @apparrio @marchingicenotes7 @anteroom-of-death @bruhidaniel @lemairepstuff @thehuiabird @zemosimp05 @alindeluce @iamnotthecatladynextdoor @laura-naruto-fan1998 @trelaney @boneheadduluc @i-am-dead-inside-666 @fictionlandslanddreams

[lavenderbexlatte]

Hello!!! Welcome to 🦋 anon's probably-way-too-overthought analysis on the m&m series in light of the new part. I have stopped crying and had about 24 hours to think, and I have discovered I have many thoughts, and this will probably be way more detailed than it should be.

The first thing I would like to address are some of the accusations Chan made at the end of the most recent part. (While I understand that they're supposed to not quite be accurate because of their obvious root in insecurity, and a lot of what I'm saying may just be like "yeah, obviously," I still would like to tell at the character a bit but I can't so this is what I have.)

Claim #1: "You fucking came at us at that party with your little girl-dom agenda and the guys fell for it, hook line sinker!"

This one's fairly self explanatory, no she didn't. They literally came onto her, even him, with his "There’s that pretty blush," and "Whatever you want it to be," lines. (And while yes, it's very likely that he was just trying to play it cool, but there's no way she could've known that, I'll come back to this later.)

Claim #2: "Nobody fucking asked me what I wanted!" "Nobody asked if I was sure that I wanted…"

Also mostly false, but he does have a tiny bit of a point. Yes, reader did grab his hair without asking, which is a little iffy, but she didn't actually rough with him until he goads her on. But I would argue that the reader is actually the ONLY one who asks him what he wants, if he's okay with things. While there may have been a little bit of discussion on the decision to approach the reader that we didn't see because of perspective (him saying this is kind of telling me that there wasn't, or at the very least not enough, maybe even some pressure for this to be the moment), or maybe Changbin said something while reader is with Jisung on the couch, after that, we don't see Jisung and Changbin check in with him at ALL, and there's not really an opportunity any other time for it just not have been noticed by the reader. As his partners, and the ones in the situation who have the full knowledge of Chan's situation, it should've been their responsibility to make sure he was alright throughout the process, even if they're not the ones in control for this situation, ESPECIALLY if they're going to keep this information from their Domme for the night (which really, I would say, wasn't a good idea, but no one is required to out themselves so I'll leave it alone).

HOWEVER, the reader does check with him, several times. She asks for boundaries/hard limits/etc before they even start anything, and while again, he's not required to say "hey, having a sexuality crisis, first time with a girl, kinda nervous," and he may not want to tip off Jisung and Changbin that something's wrong, that would be the time to say something like "I'm not feeling anything rough tonight, if you could be gentler that would be great." She asks them if there's anyone that doesn't actually want to fuck her. Also, she implements a safeword system (which she specifically calls him out to make sure he's okay with), which they weren't even going to USE, and asks them at least twice throughout the scene for their color, and Chan specifically if he's okay at least two more times besides that. Actually Chan almost makes fun of her for asking so many questions, so I think this claim is just another part of his insecurity-fed delusion that she's conspiring to ruin his life, or something, but again I'll come back to that. My point is that despite being the only one who doesn't know his situation, reader is also the only one who checks in with him.

There are a few other things he said that I took issue with, but those are the main two.

Next; Chan's delusion that reader is like conspiring to ruin his life. (Really like how you depicted this by the way, though I may be thinking wayyy too far into this.) I remember watching some video when I had one of my mental health/disorders hyperfixations. The video was about schizophrenia, and while I definitely don't think Chan has schizophrenia, one of the things the video talked about was types of delusions, and this kind of reminded me of one of them. I don't remember what it's called, but it's basically a delusion based around one idea, and then you force the world around you to fit into that idea. One example of this that I can think of is Azula from ATLA. Towards the end of her arc in the TV series, she starts seeing hallucinating her mother everywhere, and you get a peek of her fixed belief that her mother is behind everything that has gone wrong in her life, which is expanded upon a little bit in the books. Obviously Chan's not experiencing delusion to the extent that she did, but I did see some (albeit much less intense) parallels that were interesting. See, if he only talked about how his boyfriends seemed to like the reader more than him, that would be one thing, but he brings up his mother as well, which even though they did speak, it's a little out there to say that your mother likes someone she's talked to once more than you. That, combined with his insisting that the reader is playing some sort of game makes me think of that a little.

Of course this was only at first, when I was like "wtf, where is this 'my boyfriends like you more than me' thing coming from?" And then I reread the first few parts for this monstrosity of an ask that I'm writing rn. While at first I thought that this was entirely out of left field, when I read through the first few parts, especially the second one, with the knowledge that he felt that way, I noticed a few things you had put in there.

For the majority of the scene, or at least the first good chunk, the reader deals with Jisung and Changbin alone, leaving Chan by himself to watch. Obviously, as we see the reader's perspective, we know that it's because she found Chan's attitude intriguing and wanted to be able to deal with that one on one (at least that's what I got from it), it's easy to see now how to someone who's already insecure about their relationship and themselves, that would read as someone replacing you. Especially when Jisung, with no ill intent, but still, outright rejects his help in favour of the reader, and once again, he is left out, only this time it's accompanied with the sting of knowing (or at least feeling) that your partner didn't want you involved.

Now I kinda want to go character by character, and idk, talk about what I think they did wrong? We'll see, I'm not going to edit this so here we go.

Jisung and Changbin : Honestly, looking back on 3racha's first encounter with the reader, they really should have done better as Chan's partners. Like I said earlier, as the ones who knew Chan's situation, and the ones who likely pressured him slightly into he whole ordeal, it was really their responsibility to make sure Chan was okay with everything that was going on. That, and them feeling the need to sneak around with reader behind Chan's back doesn't sit right with me. I get that they have an open relationship, but there's a difference between having an open relationship and hooking up with someone your partner doesn't like, and actively trying to hide that you're hooking up with them. Their relationship boundaries may be fine with that, but idk, something feels off about it.

(I couldn't figure out where to put this and you may have already addressed this but it's my little theory/headcanon that Chan actually suspected it was reader at Jisung's place, and when there wasn't anyone there, he kinda gaslighted himself afterwards, idk. With the new knowledge it feels likely.)

Also, knowing that they were together for a while before Chan joined the relationship I think explains so much about the communication issues they seem to have with him. While I do think Chan has trouble communicating his feelings about things, I think their established communication and knowing eachother really well doesn't help. I may just be making things up at this point, but I feel like they have trouble with communication with Chan specifically, maybe forgetting that he doesn't have the same time/experience thy have with each other? If that makes sense?

Chan : oh boy. I've gone into a lot of detail already, so I'll try to keep this brief. Obviously, I think he has a looooottt of insecurity he needs to work through. If I were reallllyyy analyzing this I would say maybe a past cheating partner(?), but unless that's relevant to the plot I'm not sure if that's just me reading too much into this. Also mentioned before, COMMUNICATION ISSUES. One thing that would prevent half of the issues with this series is Chan communicating with his partners, though I suppose that wouldn't be near as much fun to read. Or just communicating I'm general, like I said, he had a plethora of opportunities to communicate to reader if he wanted something different, and didn't. So, yeah. Honestly I think he causes most of his own problems, but I feel like we knew that.

Reader : Now. I spent most of this series completely on the reader's side. Last night after reading part six, I was like "oh my god. He's right!" But then I took a while and thought a lot about it (as you can see), and honestly, I think reader probably did the least wrong out of everyone. Yes, the hair thing was a little iffy, like I said earlier, but once I went back and realized that he was actively participating and egging her on, I don't think that's necessarily something she did wrong. Beyond that, she did the most in regards of communication (at least during sex, after is another story), even more than the partners themselves. I think she did the best she could with the information that was given to her. She saw three guys approach her as a unit, and while yes, she didn't ask before engaging with Chan, I don't think it's really her fault for assuming that they were all interested as a unit as well. She had no reason to question any of their sexualities, why would she? She sees three partners approach her in unison, why wouldn't she assume they were on the same page? Anyway, all that to say, I think reader is the most innocent of all the main characters so far, though I may feel different after sitting on this for more time.

Anyway, here's this unedited brain dump, loved the new part, enjoy. Or not ig - 🦋

i've been sitting on this for like a week bc it's just so long and amazing??? and i have no idea what to say?? 🥺🥺

the bit about chan having a sort of delusion that reader is out to ruin his life in a pointed, conspired way is VERY interesting. their dynamic is actually something that i pulled from myself, in a way. i'm really superstitious about dumb things. i hate, like, bumping into someone or accidentally saying something that hurts someone's feelings bc i know that that karma/vibe/intention (whatever you wanna call it, i'm not spiritual just paranoid) is gonna come back around.

reader is the opposite. she's just walking around doing things and thinking about herself, and then being shocked when there are equal and opposite reactions to the stuff she does. i overthink everything, so reader doesn't think nearly enough.

but lemme say

that the best thing you said is how jisung and changbin are absolutely not the innocent bystanders that everyone seems to think they are 🤐🤐 most readers LOVE those two. but think about it...what are they trying to accomplish, here? 👀

[speedstershipping-archivee]

Viability.

Dick Gr.ay.son x Lyell ( s/i )

GIF CREDIT: x

WARNINGS: titans season 3 spoilers, mentions of death and loss, angst.

WORD COUNT: 1192

AUTHOR'S NOTES: wrote this after today's episode because it has me feeling™. this takes place before dick travels into the woods and goes through with his plan to lure in Jason, which he omits mentioning, for obvious reasons. not sure how good this is but I wanted to post it since I am rarely commit to and finish fics this fast.

----

"Where are you going?"

Dick had swiftly grabbed his car keys off the entryway table, and made a b-line for the door, only stopping dead in his tracks upon hearing the other's voice. He looked back quickly, and seeing Lyell stood there with expectant eyes, he relaxed, his gaze turning softer.

"Nowhere you need to worry about." He assured them. Lyell had inquired only with a innocent curiosity, but was met with a hardened expression that made the smile on their face fade a little. Dick may not have been the most expressive person (though admittedly, in their eyes at least, he had been opening up a bit more these days; wearing his heart on his sleeve more, even if only slightly moreso than before). But they knew when their boyfriend's head was somewhere else. They could practically feel the tension he had built around himself , despite not even knowing what had brought him into this mindset in the first place.

"Hey," their words suddenly went gentle as they walked over to him, eyes laced with concern. " You doing okay? "

Dick knew if he looked into them his tough exterior would be rendered useless, and in a last ditch effort to hide his true intentions, he averted his eyes elsewhere, anywhere but at theirs. He had plans he was set on, after what Jason did, not just to Hank, but to Dawn and Conner, to all of them, to his family -- he wanted to take down Red Hood, once and for all. Even if his means weren't exactly safe, or legal. They were impulsive, but he wasn't about to say that to Lyell.

After all, that was their brother. Though they had danced around talking about it with him, he knew they still held some sort of care for the former titan. He could remember the sickness they expressed when they had found out Jason was Red Hood, that Jason was not only alive, but trigger happy at that, having turned on them and killed innocents in what seemed like unwarranted yet elaborate attacks. And the horror in their eyes when Hank advocated for killing Jason (before he could cause anymore harm) was vivid in his mind. No doubt now, after the death of Hank at Jason's hand, was Lyell feeling an internal confliction. One that, despite everything, they did their best to suffer through alone.

Hypocritical, maybe. But, after what Bruce put him though, it was a coping mechanism that Dick could fully sympathize with.

"I'm fine," he settled on as an answer. "But I might be gone a while."

Lyell furrowed their eyebrows. Even now, in a private moment with the person he felt understood him most, he chose to close himself off from them. This wasn't an answer that was uncommon for them to receive from him. But, after what they'd been through together up until this point, and all the times they opened up to him, it felt like this time ... it hurt a little more.

"Is it that bad?" Lyell asked. Their way their voice faltered felt almost as they had given up stopping him already. "At least let me go with you."

"I'm out of options. I dont have any other choice." Dick spoke his words carefully in hopes it would calm their nerves. But knowing Lyell, they'd worry about him regardless if he wasn't right there with them. "You should stay here, keep an eye on Gar and Conner. Make sure they're doing okay after what happened. But I dont want you getting hurt at my expense. I can take care of myself just fine on my own."

It was a dangerous plan that came to him after Barbara had called him earlier that day; at a vulnerable moment, after having to part ways with Dawn, a close friend who had stuck with him, no matter how many times he had given her a reason not to. Though Barbara had also asked him how he was doing, he had dismissed her just the same. What was important now was doing what he hadn't let Hank do -- apprehend Jason before its too late. Or, in this case, it already was too late.

"Just because you can doesn't mean you have to," they wanted to say so badly, but the words felt thick in their chest, unable to come out. Deep down they knew once he had his mind set, there was no persuading him.

Feeling no other choice, Lyell pushed themselves into Dick's chest, wrapping their arms around him in a tight hug. They clinged to him as if he would vanish the moment he walked out of that door.

"Just ... don't do anything stupid while you're gone ... okay?"

There was a moment of surprise that quickly turned into adoration. It was only for a moment; but as Dick returned the gesture and held them close, he felt understood. Trusted. They didn't attempt to stop him, regardless of their worries, despite the many times he had disappeared on them before. Letting himself melt into their hold, even if only for a second, he pressed his lips to their temple in a ghost of a kiss.

"of course not." he whispered.

Their embrace lasted only seconds before the moment fleeted. Dick slowly let go of them. Lyell lingered a moment, hesitant to let go, but eventually did. They kept their gaze low; They didn't want to look at him, because they were afraid to confront that maybe that would be the last time they'd ever get to. After all, they weren't stupid. They knew whatever he was putting himself up against, it had to do with Jason. And they knew what their brother was capable of. It wouldn't be the first time he tore someone close to them away without leaving them even as much as a goodbye. But they trusted Dick; They've invested their whole heart in him with the belief that he would do his best not to break it.

But boy, how they already began to miss the warmth, the safety, and the certainty of holding onto him.

" Lyell ... "

Dick felt like he should say something. But before he could, Lyell turned away, disappearing down the long hallway without giving him a second look. Before their emotions could get the best of them and spill into his view.

There was a moment of reconsideration, but it didn't last. Dick decided against going after them. Instead, he watched them leave with solemnity. In the end, he didn't want to involve them in such a risk. He didn't even know if he was going to bring Jason back alive. Or if this would backfire and he wouldn't return himself. He knew well, if he got the chance, Jason would kill him immediately. And it was better him than Lyell -- he had already suffered so much loss of so many close to him for his age. He couldn't lose them. He couldn't lose Lyell.

But Dick wasn't going to waste any time overthinking it.

He was going to stop Red Hood once and for all.

----

[alwaysnforeverfangirl]

Dance Me To The End Of Love - Prologue

A/N: Here it is the Prologue of the Fred Weasley x OC fic. It's a short introduction to the story of my OC, Veronica Reed. Although Fred doesn’t appear in here both characters will meet very soon. Hope you like it, Rach💖

(To the people who had already read the other prologue, somethings are change, this is the new one.)

Summary: Veronica Reed has a nightmare before the day her life changes forever.

Warnings: torture, death, mentions of war, mentions of anxiety.

italics are flashbacks/memories/letters/notes

Tags: @hercrimsonpeaches @reeophidian @beforeoursunsets @weasleysandwheezes @cursestothemoon (let me know if you wanna be tagged in the next parts or if you want me to remove you)

Masterlist of the series

There it was again. In her chest, hiding behind her ribs. The pressure that she had grow to fear. She whipped away the sweat on her forehead while releasing a sob that she had hold. The cold air of the night painted goosebumps on her skin when she moved the covers off the bed, her feet touched the carpet that decorated the floor of the room and she started to make her way to the kitchen to drink a glass of water.

Veronica Reed knew very well her condition. That's why she was so afraid of the anxiety that always came after remembering her father's death.

----------------------------------------------------------

-Rabastan…

The voice of Alaric Lestrange was barely a whisper. In front of him a man dressed in black robes was giving him a wicked smile. Behind his long hair Alaric could recognize the features of his younger brother.

-It’s been a long time brother.- Rabastan’s voice was hoarse. He was moving around the place, searching for something while laughing at Alaric.- I didn't have the opportunity to give you my condolences on the loss of your wife.

Alaric’s body tensed up, thinking of the day Anna was brutally killed by Fenrir Greyback. She had fought in the war even though Alaric didn't want her too. They had a daughter and the thought of leaving her orphan haunted him, he had promised himself that she would have the loving family that he never had.

“She will grow healthy and free and she’ll understand what we fought for and why we couldn't hide away while the world we believe in was at risk.” With those words being said by his always courageous wife, Alaric Lestrange joined the Order of the Phoenix with Anna Reed by his side. He knew she was right. He couldn't keep on running from his family and the atrocities that people like them were doing to the Wizard Community.

-She had an amazing magic ability for a mudblood…- The younger of the Lestrange brothers started to approach Alaric in a threatening way.- The child that you two had together… Where is she?

At that moment Alaric realized why Rabastan was there. He was furious about the fall of the Dark Lord and he definitely had heard about the rumors. Not only he was there to torture him like he and their older brother had done while they were kids. He was there to capture his daughter and found out if what people said was true. But Alaric knew that if Lord Voldemort followers were to find Veronica she would become a slave, and that’s the reason why he came back to the United States when Anna died. To protect their daughter and help her understand what she was able to do before anyone could use her.

-You haven't said a word yet dear brother. Has the cat got your tongue? - Rabastan left a creepy laugh.- You know pretty well what I’d do to you if you don’t show me where your daughter is.

-You’d do it even if I do as you say.

Rabastan smiled, he took Alaric’s face with his left hand and pointed his wand to his chest. This wasn't the first time both brothers were in this position, although usually Rodolphus Lestrange was behind Rabastan, with his chest filled with pride as the younger of the family showed the middle one what they called discipline. It had always been this way, ever since the three of them were kids both Rabastan and Rodolphus would haunt Alaric. They would hex him just because he was different, just because he didn't share the same ideas as his family. It got worse when he started Hogwarts and he was sorted into Hufflepuff. “Our family has been in Slytherin since that school was founded and now a miserable Hufflepuff…” Alaric would never forget the voice of his father and the disgust in his mother’s face. Both of his brothers made his life a terrible one until he flew from England, escaping from the pain that the Lestrange name brought him.

A red light came out of Rabastan’s wand and Alaric fell to the floor in pain. He could feel the cruciatus curse invading his body and he failed to silence a scream. In a wardrobe, near the window of the room a small toddler shifted at the sight of her father’s aching. The torture continued for at least five minutes and Alaric stopped trying to keep silent, he didn't want to give his brother the satisfaction of seeing him suffering but the stinging in his bones and skin was too much.

Veronica knew that her father would be upset if she got out from the place he told her to hide when they heard someone entering their home but seeing Alaric crying of pain on the floor awoke something in her. In her chest a pressure started building and her body started to tremble.

-You’re going to die Alaric. Why not have a moment of peace before you go? Tell me where she is and I will kill you fast.

-Never…

-You and your stupid moral code. You really think that these people you defend are worth fighting for? That your filthy mudblood wife deserved a life?- The poison in the voice of Rabastan only increased when he saw how his brother was fighting the curse.- You refused to have a good life, to carry the honor of our family name, all of the glory that runs through our veins for what? A fair cause?

-I’ve never share our family beliefs…- Alaric’s voice was almost inaudible. Every inch of his body was in pain.

-Oh no, I know that very well…You and your choices throw dirt to our name ever since you decided to do the right thing.- Rabastan laughed, he kneeled in front of his brother and spoke to his face with anger.- You. Are. A. Traitor.- He spited in his face and kicked him in the stomach.

Right when Rabastan stood up the doors of the wardrobe opened up.

-Stop! Let him go!

Rabastan turned to look at the origin of the sounds and his eyes landed on a three year old. He sent the most horrifying smirk to Veronica and returned his attention to his brother.

-Found her.- He said to Alaric with a creepy smile.

Alaric looked at his daughter, she had her mother’s fire, her eyes were burning with anger and her breathing was accelerating. He knew what was gonna happen, and even though he was sure he wouldn't be able to see it, he knew for certain that his daughter was going to win that fight. While Veronica gave a regretful smile to her father for disobeying what he had told her earlier Rabastan’s wand emitted a green light and Alaric’s life left his body.

Veronica screamed and the window’s glass shattered. The light of the room became darker and everything started to shake. When Rabastan’s eyes returned to Veronica he could see clearly how the figure of a three year old transformed into something similar to a black cloud. A sudden strength pushed him to the ground and knocked the air from his lungs. Rabastan Lestrange couldn’t breath, his blood was burning and he wasn't able to do anything. He was sure that he would join his brother’s faith in any minute, but it didn’t happen.

----------------------------------------------------------

-Same nightmare again?

Veronica put the glass down and turned to look at John. He had a tiring smile on his face and his hair was a mess due to having fallen asleep on the armchair of the living room. She tried to return the smile to the man who had raised her.

-I’d love for it to be a nightmare but we both know it isn’t.- Her voice was sweet, a perfect contrast with what was going on through her mind at that very moment.- It’s been the fourth time this week and I don’t like it. I feel like I’m losing control…

-It’s normal, given the times we live in. You don't have to worry, we’re gonna see Scamander and Dumbledore tomorrow.- John caressed Veronica’s cheek and she sighed.

-I’m afraid of it. I don’t want to loose control again, not like last time.

-You won’t do it. Try to rest. - He laughed at the bags under her eyes.- We have a long day ahead and I’m pretty sure you don’t want your first impression to be a bad one, and well, with that…- He pointed at her eyes and she whipped aways his hand.

-Fuck off…

Both John and Veronica laughed at her bluntness. She did what he told her and decided to go back to bed.

The right hand of the old auror went back to the pocket of his trousers while the young witch climbed the stairs. He had been rereading the letter that Alaric Lestrange wrote down before he was killed by his brother Rabastan. The ink had decorated the parchment for eighteen years but it was still clear as it was that night.

Dear John:

I write this in what I know is gonna be my last time. The rumors of Veronica’s condition had grown this past month and I’m sure they had reach the ears of the Dark Lord. I’m well aware that you’re not as innocent as everyone seems to be these days. Voldemort has been defeated, yes, but I’m sure he’s still somewhere. And he’ll come for my child.

I never wanted to get involved in any of this. I thought that coming here to America would help me put my past in a box that I would never look at again, that my family’s name wouldn’t haunt me anymore. And it worked for a while but that box had been open with the war and it contains way too much darkness. A darkness that my daughter shouldn’t be a part of. I was hoping too much because that same darkness that I try to kept away from Veronica gained power over me and soon it would imprison her.

I need you to take care of Veronica. Give her the love that both her mother and I won’t be able to give her. Teach her that magic can be used to do good. That she shouldn't be afraid of herself and her power. That the light would always be there by her side no matter what.

I really wish things weren’t like this. I wish that my family wasn’t the monstrosity that it is. That they won’t hunt my daughter down until they destroy her for their own benefit, a benefit that can only mean for the Dark Times to come again. I really wish that won’t happen, that Veronica will grown into a beautiful and strong woman, that she’ll be healthy and free as Anna said but I’m afraid I cannot dare to dream that much.

Go to Dumbledore after you read this, he’d know what happened and what to do.

I cannot thank you enough my dear friend. But I’m sure Veronica’s smile would be a good paycheck.

Your eternal grateful friend,

Alaric Lestrange - Reed

And it sure was. Not that John Fischer needed to be paid for taking care of his old friend’s daughter but it sure was worth all the struggles. And sure one of Alaric’s wishes came true. Veronica was now a beautiful and strong woman with the world at her feet. Sure her health wasn’t the same as any other witch or wizard her age but she was strong, stronger that she’ll ever believe herself to be.

The old MACUSA auror turned off the light of the first floor of the house and walked the stairs and hall until reaching his room. He was going to whisper “nox” as soon as his body touched the bed but his eyes fell on the photo he had on his nightstand. A 10 year old self of Veronica was smiling widely his way and it warmed his heart. He understood now the worry in Alaric’s words as it was the same worry he had.

No one really know how Veronica had survived this long. It could only had been due to the immense power she held, and it was as scary as it was hopeful.

[boorivestnik]

Story/Рассказ:

Remember who you are/Вспомни кто ты есть.

I often thought: what is the meaning of life? What am I living for? A man was born, went to kindergarten, school, college, then work, the absence of friends and a girl, then again work, work, work and death. What's next? Emptiness? Darkness? As I imagine, I remember that I died and that's it, you don't feel anything, you don't feel anything. Emptiness. Darkness. It was getting scary. It can't all be so sad. This whole wonderful world - nature, animals, birds, insects, sky, sun, stars; all this just for a person to be born, suffer for a hundred years and die? Yes, the genius Creator. But some people live even less. Someone, for example, dies at 20, and someone at 5. And what, all this was created only for a person to live for 5 years and die? Are you seriously? But someone believes in it. They even believe that they are descended from monkeys. Poor monkey children, how do you continue to believe in this nonsense as you mature? Although i probably no better. For many years i believed that man was created from the dust of the earth.

At about the age of 20, I started reading the Bible. And then I stopped being afraid of the emptiness that I thought awaited us after death. Reading the Bible, I believed in heaven. I still believe in him. But seven years later, my views on the Bible have changed dramatically. Many people are satisfied with their belief and they do not even try to doubt it. Take the Orthodox for example. If you believe that their faith is true, then it turns out that all those who are not Orthodox will burn in eternal fire, only because they believed a little differently. And what is their fault if the Bible is written in such a way that it can be understood in different ways? Try to understand the words of Jesus: I and the Father are one. Or: he who has seen Me has seen the Father. Either Jesus is the Old Testament God, or, as many believe, He is His Son. Some say that God is one, others that He is triune. Some are baptized in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, others in the name of Jesus Christ. Muslims generally call Jesus not the Son of God, but only a prophet. And someone is just a Buddhist or does not believe in any Gods. And what now, all who do not believe in Christ or do not believe correctly, will they burn in hell? Even if he was good and helped people all his life, did not drink, did not smoke, did not swear and always turned his other cheek, then will he also burn for his disbelief? No, I don't believe in that anymore. Seven years later, I received my sight. He received his sight thanks to one person who said that the Old Testament God is the devil and cited the words of Jesus as an example. And this is what He says: your father is the devil. After these words, I received my sight. All these murders, sacrifices, and curses that we read about in the Old Testament immediately became clear to me. You will even remember the image of this God; this is what is written about him in the seventeenth psalm: smoke rose from his anger, and consuming fire from his mouth; hot coals poured from Him. Well, is this God Who is Light and Love? Of course not. This is the devil. But there is also a real God in the Bible. I will not write in detail about all this, because this is another story.

So. Here I have seen. But only in terms of the Bible. I still haven't seen any sense in life. Since I liked what this person teaches, I continued to listen to him further. And so he started talking about karma and reincarnation. He said that after death, a person is born again in order to correct his sins that he committed in a past life. And thus, living many lives, we must improve and become the same as the Gods, so that later we live with them in eternal paradise and create new worlds.

I think a little background is needed here.

One day this man heard the voice of God. But it was not Father, it was Mother, our heavenly Mother. That is, we have not only the heavenly Father, who is Light, but also our Mother Love. And this is not stupidity, for all living things testify that in order to give birth to children, both a father and a mother are needed.

Since then, he began to receive knowledge from the Heavenly Mother. He learned that from Light and Love came the Gods, that is, Their children; and together with the Father and Mother They created the earth. Then these Gods materialized on earth, that is, they became people. And then, as it is written in the Bible: and the Gods said: let us create man in our image, in our likeness. And so we, people, must reach the level of these Gods, Gods, Who were born of Light and Love, in order to then live with Them in an eternal paradise and create new worlds. By the way, we humans are also gods, not perfect, but still gods.

Another of the revelations of this man is that when we die, we do not go to the judgment of God, but we are judged by our conscience. And after this judgment, we go either to heaven or to hell, but not for long. Having taken a rest in paradise, or having suffered in hell, we again return to earth; some for the correction of sins, others in order to improve in good deeds, in order to become bright and pure Gods. And before being born, a person chooses his own destiny, by whom and where he will be born. His conscience will help him in this choice. For example, if a person in a past life tortured and killed animals, then in the next life this person can be born as some kind of animal and he himself will be tortured and killed. And if a person was good, then he will be born again in order to become more perfect.

There is another amazing revelation. Our interests, hobbies, desires and sins are like a reminder of what we did or who we were in a past life. For example, if you want to kill and rape, it means that in a past life you were a rapist-killer. And in this life, you must overcome your desires and not go the same way. Look, it can be different here; the killer does not have to be the victim himself, as is the case with the animal killer. That is, the killer may become a victim, or may be reborn with the desire to kill. It all depends on what choice a person makes before being born.

As for the meaning of life, I think you understand.

Now, perhaps i can tell about my desires.

From about 14 years old, I started watching horror. The first horror movie I saw was A Nightmare on Elm Street. It was scary, but interesting at the same time. Over the years, my interest in horror has grown. But not only to horror, but also to maniacs. That is, not to those maniacs who are in the movies, but to real people. Now I have all those desires that are inherent in a serial killer, and also a rapist. And here's what I think. Not all people have such desires after watching horror films. This means that horrors only awaken those desires that are in a person. And these desires are a reminder of who this person was in a past life. So I boldly declare that in a past life I was a serial killer; and not by any, but by Ted Bundy himself. Why do I think so? There are many reasons for this. I love that he only killed girls. I love everything he did with them. I feel sorry for him, in the sense that he was executed without giving him the opportunity to reform. Ted Bundy was in jail and escaped a couple of times. I like movies about prison and I have a desire to sit in it in order to escape later. Ted Bundy was electrocuted; electric shocks came through the helmet worn on the head. Over the past three years, I have often had a headache. And three years ago I was 24; 24 is the day of his death. And what is most surprising, I get headaches when I put on a hat. He committed his first reliably known murder at the age of 27. It was at this age that my headaches turned into pressing pain, which was not there before. But thank God it quickly passed. By the way, according to some reports, Ted Bundy committed his first murder at the age of 14; and as I wrote earlier, it was at this age, as far as I remember, that I began to watch horror. But personally, I don't believe he committed the first murder at such an early age. Maybe I just feel like I didn't. He also died in winter, and I was born in winter. The difference between his death and my birth is 3 years and 9 days; 3 is my birthday. Bundy was born on the 24th, died also on the 24th, his age was 42; 42 on the other hand - 24. I started to take an interest in Ted Bundy, if I'm not mistaken, at the age of 24. Believe it or not, now I am writing, looking at these numbers and I wanted to count them. We take the day of his birth, the day of death, age and age per turn. Add up all the numbers and you get 24. Miracles. Is not it? Oh yeah, one more thing. How much I am interested in Ted Bundy, but only at the age of 27 I learned that he committed his first murder at the age of 27. Eh, I would not break. I'm kidding. Of course I won't. I've already dealt with this. And I was helped in this by the realization that I had already done this in a past life. And if I did it, I thought, why should I repeat it again? I've had enough of these murders and violence.

And now, having all this knowledge about how the world works; awareness of who I am, that is, God; when I walk down the street and look at all these people, I see that they absolutely do not understand who they are and how this world works. But they will understand. Not in this life, so in the next. Probably.

I would like to add one more thing, and this is perhaps the most important thing in life, this is what completely helped me to cope with my sins, this is love. Neither the realization that you have already done this in a past life, nor any psychiatrists, nor anything else will help you to completely cope with your sins, but only love is capable of this, only love can truly change a person.

Я часто думал: в чём смысл жизни? Для чего я живу? Вот родился человек, пошол в садик, в школу, колледж, потом работа, отсутствие друзей и девушки, потом снова работа, работа, работа и смерть. А что дальше? Пустота? Тьма? Я как представлю, помню, что умер и всё, ничего не ощущаешь, не чувствуешь. Пустота. Тьма. Аж страшно становилось. Не может же всё быть на столько печально. Весь этот дивный мир - природа, животные, птицы, насекомые, небо, солнце, звёзды; всё это лишь для того, чтобы человек родился, пострадал сотню лет и умер? Да уж, гениальный Создатель. А ведь некоторые люди живут и того меньше. Кто-то например умирает в 20 лет, а кто-то в 5 лет. И что, всё это было создано лишь для того, чтобы человек пожил 5 лет и умер? Вы серьёзно? А ведь кто-то в это верит. Они даже верят, что они произошли от обезьян. Бедные дети обезьян, как же вы повзрослев, продолжаете верить в эту чушь? Хотя и я не лучше наверно. Многие годы верил, что человек был сотворён из праха земного.

Где-то в возрасте 20-ти лет я начал читать библию. И вот тогда я перестал бояться той пустоты, которая как я думал ждёт нас после смерти. Читая библию, я поверил в рай. Я и сейчас в него верю. Но спустя семь лет, мои взгляды на библию кардинально изменились. Многих людей устраивает их вера и они даже не пытаются сомневаться в ней. Возьмём к примеру православных. Если верить что их вера истинная, то получается, что все те, кто не являются православными, будут гореть в вечном огне, только из-за того, что верили немного иначе. А в чём их вина, если библия написана так, что её можно понимать по разному? Вот попробуй пойми слова Иисуса: Я и Отец одно. Или: видевший Меня, видел Отца. То ли Иисус и есть ветхозаветный Бог, то ли, как многие считают, Он Сын Его. Одни говорят, что Бог - един, другие, что Он - триедин. Одни крестятся во имя Отца и Сына и Святого Духа, другие, во имя Иисуса Христа. Мусульмане вообще называют Иисуса не Сыном Божьим, а лишь пророком. А кто-то просто буддист или не верующий не в каких Богов. И что теперь, все кто не верит во Христа или не правильно верит, они что, будут гореть в аду? Даже если был хорошим и всю жизнь помогал людям, не пил, не курил, не ругался и всегда подставлял вторую щёку, то что, он тоже гореть будет за неверие своё? Нет, я в такое больше не верю. Спустя семь лет я прозрел. Прозрел благодаря одному человеку, который сказал, что ветхозаветный Бог это дьявол и привёл в пример слова Иисуса. И вот что Он говорит: ваш отец дьявол. После этих слов я прозрел. Мне тут же стали понятны все эти убийства, жертвы, проклятия, о которых мы читаем в ветхом завете. Вы даже вспомните образ этого Бога; вот что о Нём написано в семнадцатом псалме: поднялся дым от гнева Его и из уст Его огонь поядающий; горячие угли сыпались от Него. Ну разве это Бог, Который есть Свет и Любовь? Конечно же нет. Это дьявол. Но в библии есть и настоящий Бог. Не буду подробно писать обо всём этом, ибо это уже другая история.

И так. Вот я прозрел. Но лишь в плане библии. Смысла же в жизни всё ещё не видел. Так-как мне понравилось чему учит этот человек, я продолжил слушать его дальше. И вот он начал говорить о карме и реинкорнации. Он сказал, что после смерти человек рождается снова для того, чтобы исправить свои грехи, которые он творил в прошлой жизни. И так проживая много жизней, мы должны усовершенствоваться и стать такими же как Боги, чтобы потом вместе с ними жить в вечном раю и создавать новые миры.

Думаю здесь нужна небольшая предыстория.

Однажды этот человек услышал голос Бога. Но это был не Отец, это была Мать, наша небесная Мать. То есть, у нас есть не только небесный Отец, Который есть Свет, но и Мать наша Любовь. И это не глупости, ибо всё живое свидетельствует о том, что для того, чтобы родить детей, нужны и отец и мать.

С тех пор он стал получать знания от Матери небесной. Он узнал, что из Света и Любви изошли Боги, то есть Их дети; и вместе с Отцом и Матерью Они сотворили землю. Потом эти Боги материализовались на земле, то есть стали людьми. А дальше уже как написано в библии: и сказали Боги: сотворим человека по образу Нашему, по подобию Нашему. И вот мы, люди, должны достичь уровня этих Богов, Богов, Которые были рождены от Света и Любви, чтобы потом вместе с Ними жить в вечном раю и создавать новые миры. Кстати, мы люди тоже боги, не совершенные, но всё же боги.

Ещё одним из откровений этого человека является то, что когда мы умираем, мы не идём на суд Божий, но нас судит наша совесть. И после этого суда, мы идём либо в рай, либо в ад, но не на долго. Отдахнув в раю, либо помучавшись в аду, мы опять возвращаемся на землю; одни для исправления грехов, другие для того, чтобы усовершенствоваться в хороших делах, дабы стать светлыми и чистыми Богами. И прежде чем родиться, человек сам выбирает свою судьбу, кем и где он будет рождён. Его совесть поможет ему в этом выборе. Например если человек в прошлой жизни мучал и убивал животных, то в следующей жизни этот человек может родиться каким нибудь животным и его самого будут мучать и убьют. А если человек был хорошим, то таким он и родится вновь дабы стать более совершенным.

Есть ещё одно удивительное откровение. Наши интересы, увлечения, желания и грехи, это как напоминание того, чем мы занимались или кем мы были в прошлой жизни. Например если ты хочешь убивать и насиловать, то это значит, что в прошлой жизни ты был убийцей-насильником. И в этой жизни ты должен побороть свои желания и не пойти тем же путём. Смотрите, здесь может быть по разному; не обязательно убийца сам должен становиться жертвой, как в случае с убийцей животных. То есть убийца может и стать жертвой, а может и вновь родиться с желанием убивать. Тут всё зависит от того, какой выбор человек сделает перед тем как родиться.

На счёт смысла жизни я думаю вы поняли.

Теперь пожалуй можно рассказать о моих желаниях.

Где-то с 14-ти лет я начал смотреть ужасы. Первый ужастик который я посмотрел - это "Кошмар на улице Вязов". Было страшно, но в то же время интересно. С годами мой интерес к ужасам усиливался. Но не только к ужасам, но и к маньякам. То есть не к тем маньякам, которые в кино, а к реальным людям. Сейчас у меня есть все те желания, которые присущи серийному-убийце, да и к тому же насильнику. И вот, что я думаю. Не у всех же людей после просмотров фильмов ужасов появляются такие желания. А значит ужасы лишь пробуждают те желания, которые есть в человеке. А эти желания являются напоминанием того, кем этот человек был в прошлой жизни. Так что я смело заявляю, что в прошлой жизни я был серийным убийцей; и не каким либо, а самим Тедом Банди. Почему я так думаю? На то есть много причин. Мне нравится, что он убивал только девушек. Мне нравится всё, что он с ними делал. Я испытываю к нему жалость, в том плане, что его казнили так и не дав ему возможности исправиться. Тед Банди сидел в тюрьме и пару раз сбегал. Мне же нравятся фильмы про тюрьму и есть желание сесть в неё дабы потом сбежать. Тед Банди был казнён на электрическом стуле; удары тока поступали через шлем надетый на голову. У меня же на протяжении где-то трёх последних лет часто стала болеть голова. А три года назад мне было 24; 24 - это день его смерти. И что самое удивительное, головные боли бывают когда надеваю шапку. Своё первое достоверно известное убийство он совершил в 27 лет. Именно в этом возрасте мои головные боли перешли в давящую боль, которой раньше не было. Но слава Богу это быстро прошло. Кстати, по некоторым данными, своё первое убийство Тед Банди совершил аж в 14 лет; и как я уже писал ранее, именно в этом возрасте, на сколько я помню, я начал смотреть ужасы. Но лично я не верю, что он совершил первое убийство в таком раннем возрасте. Возможно я просто чувствую, что этого я не делал. А ещё он умер зимой, а я родился зимой. Разница между его смертью и моим рождением - 3 года и 9 дней; 3 - это день моего рождения. Банди родился 24-го числа, умер также 24-го числа, его возраст был 42 года; 42 на оборот - 24. Я же начал интересоваться Тедом Банди, если не ошибаюсь именно в 24 года. Не поверите, сейчас пишу, смотрю на эти числа и захотелось их сосчетать. Берём день его рождения, день смерти, возраст и возраст на оборот. Складываем все цифры и получается 24. Чудеса. Не правда ли? Ах да, ещё кое что. Сколько я интересуюсь Тедом Банди, но лишь в 27 лет узнал, что своё первое убийство он совершил в 27 лет. Эх, не сорваться бы мне. Да я шучу. Конечно же не сорвусь. Я с этим уже справился. И мне в этом помогло осознание того, что я это уже делал, в прошлой жизни. А если я это делал, подумал я, то зачем мне это сново повторять? Хватит с меня этих убийств и насилий.

И вот сейчас, имея все эти знания о том, как устроен мир; осознание того, кем я являюсь, то есть богом; когда я иду по улице и смотрю на всех этих людей, я вижу, что они абсолютно не понимают кто они и как устроен этот мир. Но они поймут. Не в этой жизни, так в следующей. Наверно.

Я бы хотел добавить ещё кое что, и это пожалуй самое главное в жизни, это то что полностью помогло мне справиться с моими грехами, это любовь. Ни какое осознание того, что ты это уже делал в прошлой жизни, ни какие психиатры, ни что либо ещё не поможет вам полностью справиться со своими грехами, но только любовь способна на это, только любовь способна по настоящему изменить человека.

[patricia-von-arundel]

Hi same anon as earlier. I didn't mean to come up so blunt but what I was meaning to say is do you THINK elsa will be a good queen. I was in the fandom like 2 years ago and I remember a comment that said that Elsa couldnt be a good queen because she 'ran' but I never thought that was fair, because yes she did run, but she felt trapped- she had seen the exact same scenario as a child.

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you! You weren’t blunt at all, and I apologize if my own answer came across as such. And for misunderstanding you. :)

I do think Elsa will be a good queen. In fact, some of the qualities that make her so anxious - that made her run - will be great assets for her in terms of leadership. The mantle she wears is one that has a history of absolute power, the historic idea of kings having a divine right to rule. If you believe you are on the throne because you’ve been divinely chosen, it’s very, very easy to believe you can do no wrong. Absolute power corrupts absolutely - it’s often true.

But Elsa clearly knows she can do wrong. She sees her powers as something “wrong.” She fears them, and fears her emotions. She experiences severe anxiety.

And those are the qualities that will help her as a leader. She’ll be someone willing to hear “no,” or be told an idea needs some work. Someone who questions every judgement before it is made, rather than allowing the power she holds to lead her to the belief that she is incapable of making a bad decision. Someone who mulls and accepts the opinions of others. All necessary qualities in a good leader.

So yes - I think she will be a good queen. She may be a queen who at times needs to excuse herself to calm down, but that’s where the whole “absolute” thing can come in handy - of course the queen can take a short break.

(But no, Anna, you may not go in and juggle to entertain the ambassador until she comes back.)

(Though, actually…)

(...Ask first.)

[chloeharrisfna253090]

Summative assessment

One of the Themes that I looked at and enjoyed on a Monday lecturer was ‘the labyrinth and the Maze’. In the text Tim Ingold talks about walking, imagining and the education of attention. After this Monday lecturer my research consisted in looking at a lot of labyrinths and mazes. What is the difference between a labyrinth and a maze? A labyrinth has a single path which winds through it where as a maze can have many paths. So mostly you can get labyrinths in mazes or they can be separate. The design of the labyrinth simultaneously represents a puzzle and a solution, a journey and an arrival.

The word labyrinth comes from a Greek mythology. It was designed by the legendary artificer Daedalus for king Minos of Crete at Knosses. It was to hold a monster who was born from the kings wife and the love with a bull. So this is how the story went. So King Minos ordered the labyrinth to be built as a prison for minotauros. Minos' wife Pasiphae had made love with a bull and the king thought that it should be hidden from the world especially as it fed on human flesh.

A labyrinth is an ancient symbol that relates to wholeness. It combines the imagery of the circle and the spiral into a meandering but purposeful path. It represents a journey to our own centre and back again out into the world. Labyrinth have long been used as meditation and prayer tools.

In the text, ‘The Labyrinth and the Maze', by Tim Ingold, goes on talking about that the streets are a Labyrinth. So when you go out on the streets or go in the city it’s explaining your ability to walk around and not knowing where to go. However it argues that the city is not a labyrinth when you consider yourself a business person. It goes on to explain that in your everyday life you get use to your surroundings and making that part of the regular routine on the way to work and it just becomes a place passing by rather than a place to wonder. I think I can argue the fact that I do think that a city or a street is like a labyrinth or a maze. My reason to this is that I believe that although some people walking around the city is normal in there every day life however, can at least one of those people say that they didn’t need to use Google maps to find there way, or signs to guide them out of the maze. Now imagine a world without signs and devices to help you out and what do you call your self in city walking around not know which way to go. Lost in the city. By architectural theory labyrinth has been linked to the archaic encounter between the nomadic and the city.

When talking about a city, we use the word labyrinth metaphorically hinting towards movement patterns. James Donald’s, ‘imagining the Modern City', shows the city and its architecture can be at once rational and irrational, observed and imagined, theoretical and empirical. show a different understanding of space, seeing it as something other and more than a field of mathematical calculation and political instrumentalism.

Some say that the labyrinth looks like a ‘natural’ pattern, reminding of the finger-print, or the interlacing intestines or the brain. I think I can relate to this as when you look at a labyrinth especially the circle ones, it does look like it and reminds us about the body of a human. It reminds us of these natural, biological forms due to the belief the labyrinth is culturally created. So this meaning that it is and artificial construction, made by humans for humans. “The idea of a labyrinth is a place in which we lose ourselves in order to find ourselves is intriguing,” said Anthony Bostrom. With this quote I believe in some level is true, but the problem that people have is if they are completely lost physically, they would mentally not be able to cope. So in some sense everyone needs a pull to their Direction I believe. ‘ To be inside and maze is to be a wildered or afraid, but it’s also to be inside a structure- lost but only up to a point.’ This quote strengthens my theory. Being exposed and not knowing it.

Robert Morris (born February 9th 1931 and died November 28th 2018) is an American artist and sculptor which designed the outdoor labyrinth as a 6-month long interactive illustration in the Donald Hall sculpture park at the nelson-Atkins Museum of art. Built on a base of concrete stone the 7-ft tall glass structure with more than 400 tons and took more than 80 crew workers to build on the site.

Why I liked this piece? The piece, glassed labyrinth, engaged with the public allowing them to experience the excitement as well as the overwhelming of bumping into the see through glass. What I find quite funny is probably the amusement this piece would of created, and making it fun. Roberts work consisted in hand making a sculpture which the public could go through. His work was made from glass which made me consider that most labyrinths or mazes have a wall you can't see through whereas his didn't. It made me think of the difference and come up with theories. Can you see through, do you know your Direction? Going back on the text I read on a walk on a Monday lecture, ‘the maze and labyrinth’, I remember him saying “education along the lines of the Labyrinth does not provide novices with stand points or positions, but continually pulls them from any positions they might adapt. I would of liked to experience going through the labyrinth and to understand more on why people would of bumped into the walls a lot? In some sense I can only relate to a piece like this by remembering going to a fair ground and going through a room full of mirrors. I have a hint that in some kind of way these two scenery are quite similar. What is quite different compared to this labyrinth to others is that most consistent shapes used in a labyrinth would be circles, squares or rectangles. So why did he choose a triangle? Triangulated and constructed of glass plate wall capped with bronze, speaks to the present in the language of modern architecture and design- streamlined, dynamic, transparent and elegant.

The transparent piece allows visitors to see each other and the landscape, while wandering around. The aim was to reach the centre and find the way out of the triangular form. This modern and unique stunning glazed piece was designed for people to experience, explore and enjoy. In his earlier work he explored space as an extension of the self. The viewers were forced to become aware of their sense of place, direction, memory, etc.

I also came across a work by Chris Skinner which is an graphics illustrator from Derbyshire. He has 14 years experience in design. He also works in several different companies making graphic design which meets the clients needs. He has worked with different range of sectors such as, broadcasting, motion graphics, print, etc. His main focus is illustration although, he has done work that consisted in 2D digital, 3D modelling, digital sculpting, motion graphics etc. Chris has his own distinctive style: it comprises a mixture of hand drawn elements and 3D modelling. The work I looked at presented the actual film from the Labyrinth and it included some of the characters from the goblin City. His piece was an print for the 1986, musical ‘labyrinth’. For inspiration, he used the original of the staircases- which was in the scene of the movie of Sarah’s bedroom wall- Relativity by M.C. Escher.

I like this piece because it consists the characters from the film which is one of my all time favourites. What I really find fascinating is that he also included some of the scenarios which are seen in the film. Right at the top of the image you have a sketch of the maze that Sarah the main character had to go though to get to the goblin city. On the right of the piece you can see another part where Ludo and Sarah had to go through the sewer part which there they met two new friends. I think that with this piece I can relate so much to it. It also tells the story of the labyrinth and where Sarah travelled and went by to get to the goblin city and get her little brother back, toby before the goblin king turned him into a goblin.

Escher (born June 17th 1898 and died March 27th 1972) was an Dutch graphic artist who made mathematical inspired wood cuts, lithography and mezzotints. His work ‘Relativity’ is a lithograph print which was printed in December 1953. It creates a visual image of a world where gravity ceased to exist. His drawings plays tricks on the audience eyes, fooling their mind to think that it never ends.

Escher’s work features mathematical objects and operations including impossible objects, etc. Even though he believed he didn’t have the mathematic ability, he still went on making a whole book full of work. In all his work that he did, they all consisted repetition of either the same object or piece. In his earlier work he drew from inspiration from nature, studying insects, landscapes, and plants.

His work creates an art movement of surrealism with a unique 3-dimensional style. Within the imagery of the lithograph is seen as an architectural structure. It has been said that Escher through his research, his did went on looking at the mathematic structure of things such as buildings, rather than the building on the outside. In his work ‘Relativity’, it reflects the different rules of gravity rather than the common form of gravity known in the real world. I find it quite fascinating to look at this piece as to that persons down, is someone’s down. It’s like being a child again and being on that climbing frame with different directions. The people in the piece do not seem to be concerned or affected by the gravity difference.

A book that I looked at which consisted his work, told me that his approach though all his pieces consisted the similar way he would do it as well the repetition.

The difference between Chris’ work and Escher’s work is that the people in Chris’ piece are given an identity as it reflects the film ‘labyrinth’ and Escher’s piece, the people are not given an Identity as they are all the same. They are not given a face as he does not want that to be the attention to his audience. His aim was more to do with repetition of the staircases and looking at the mathematics of the structure. The similarities of theses two pieces is that they both consist staircases and have no sense to gravity. They both also have the same styles. For example, they are both prints, only use black and white and no colour, and the use of the 3-dimensional style/structure. The use of just using black and white gives it a sense of the piece being old and an sophisticated design, it gives it importance in the world. Imagine if was in colour, would the audience it’s trying to attract change? ‘The three-dimensional world may be projected onto a two-dimensional plane to create the illusion of space', this quote made me think of these two works as in a way these two pieces do this I think.

Similarities and differences between these three pieces of work. We can say that with Chris’ and Escher’s pieces are very similar, where as with Robert’s work, its different from these two pieces. What I can say about all three pieces is that they do have that architectural structure feeling to all of them. Even though their formats were quite different in showing of there types of labyrinths, it help me understand what they really wanted to get out of their pieces. With Robert’s he wanted the audience to explore and enjoy his work by making it engaging for the audience. Escher’s and Chris’ were more about allowing the audience to engage though the sense of sight. The type of audience Robert’s piece attracts are very different compare to Escher’s and Chris’ piece. Reason being is that Robert’s work is presented in a park which everyone goes to, children, runners, adults, artists, etc.

With Robert’s work you can see through and it questions all because you can see through it and you see what you want to get to, you want to get there quicker and without the struggle. I think there’s so many pathways in the persons way and they forget about that. With other Labyrinths you can’t see through the walls which, I think it makes it even more easier for you to know which way you are going so for example if you are a student learning science and you want to be a science teacher, to get there you need to go through certain things such as GCSEs and all that. You know that there are different paths in front of you which you have to go forward as there’s no other way. Where as I think that with Robert’s work because you can see through, it makes it more difficult to know what path you are on at the moment as you can see the finish line. In my theory I think that if you see the finish line you rush like a sprinter wanting to win in a race and knowing this I think with what ever path they are on they just want to get through it quickly.

In my conclusion after looking at all theses in my research, I have questioned myself in my making and why I chose tunnels as an approach to my inspiration of the labyrinth? And why I have created them as a solid object (in clay)? Are tunnels labyrinths, and what are the differences between my work and the artwork I looked at? So, what if I took a walk though Colindale and I saw a tunnel and that’s why I chose to do a tunnel, in my sense the tunnel was part of my journey and labyrinth conclude in this. Looking back at Robert’s work he didn’t stick with a shape that connects with a labyrinth on what we know, we normally see shapes such as circles and squares, not triangles. Knowing this I used the same approach as him and looked at a labyrinth being different. For example, the sewers of London are not seen and are well known as a labyrinth. They are like the forgotten parts because they are not pleasant to be included however, they are labyrinths/mazes that are in this world working right under us as we speak. And come to think of it tunnels can be the labyrinth of your journey on an underground train. As an artist I can say where I am still with my work is still experimenting and developing my work in a context as a labyrinth. And in relation to what I have spoken about I can strongly say that I have a strong understanding of the meaning of a labyrinth.

Labyrinth are part of everyone life, you just got to look at things in a different way. I do believe that the city works as a labyrinth or reminds us of the pattern using architectural structure and having different directions which still can lead us to the same destination. I see the labyrinth as a movement of patterns or dance. It has been said that labyrinths have been used for humans entertainment in dance, moving left to right, up or down.

The pieces that I also looked at does present the labyrinth very well I believe. The reason why I think this is because work brings the overwhelming and the feeling of an labyrinth as well as consisting pathways like a labyrinth. So it refers to a labyrinth when you see the pieces too.

References/bibliography

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2018/jul/28/myth-monsters-and-the-maze-how-writers-fell-in-love-with-the-labyrinth

https://www.citylab.com/design/2014/07/why-every-city-needs-a-labyrinth/373965/

Henning Eichberg,IFO/Research institute of sport, gerlev, Denmark,2004,p1-9

https://www.ancient.eu/Labyrinth/

James Donald, imagining the modern city

http://australianhumanitiesreview.org/2000/06/01/review-imagining-the-modern-city-by-james-donald/

https://www.academia.edu/1330469/THIS_HERE_NOW

https://mymodernmet.com/robert-morris-glass-labyrinth/

https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=JHRnAPobeo0C&pg=PA35&lpg=PA35&dq=labyrinth+robert+morris+what+other+people+say+about+it&source=bl&ots=ofUYTfgmas&sig=ACfU3U2QJPAGAlbb_0pOpNEDEIsZf6mX4w&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjTssvoyszoAhXjTRUIHXotAl0Q6AEwDnoECAYQAQ#v=onepage&q=labyrinth robert morris what other people say about it&f=false

https://www.debutart.com/artist/chris-skinner

April Cheetham, a ceiling of identity: anamorphosis as double vision in contemporary art practice, liverpool John Moores University, May 2012, p1-155

Tim Imgold, the maze and the labyrinth, p1-12

Georg Simmel, the metropolis and mental life, p1-9

Massey, A place called home, place and identity, London (1992), p1-17

[parkyparkpaaark]

"Tell me everything you know and I swear it will just stay between the two of us."

For the first time in the past ten minutes they've been in this cramped, dimly-lit room, Sam Wilson finally met the gaze of the man in front of him. He was never a fan of one-on-one conversations even with his family, let alone with a guy he just met. He had always described himself as a new kind of specie who is incredibly anti-social. Although there was one person who could make him talk nonstop without feeling uncomfortable— Bella.

Who is also the reason why he was in this room, talking to a guy he barely knew.

"I don't know anything."

---

The siren of the ambulance blared through the streets, turning the heads of each resident it passes by. Accidents are not a stranger to the small town of St. Jane County. But the peculiar thing was it was the third time this week that the ambulance picked up another teenager that goes to Northwest High for what can be barely called as an accident. Unless you call discovering a dead body in the restroom with a bubbling mouth an accident.

It boggled the mind of the people how it all seemed to happen consecutively, following the death of Bella Green. Various speculations were formed, some a little hard to believe while some thought it was just a mere coincidence. But what stood out the most was the belief that Bella left a curse before she died and that she's haunting the students who go to the same school as hers.

Ethan Blake, a senior from the same school, says he's had his share of odd sightings of the girl roaming the halls of Northwest High. He admits having to have had a relationship with her for a short amount of time in the past.

--

The stranger set down a couple of pictures of a blond, well-built, good looking guy in front of Sam.

"Know him? He claims to have dated Bella. Is that true?"

He scoffed at the mention of the word. "Dated? Now he says that. But where was that when Bella came up to him at the cafeteria two months ago asking what they were? That asshole barely looked at her before making fun of her in front of his teammates."

"How about the two people who have died earlier this week? How are they related to her?"

Sam knew better than to play games with the town's detective, so he gave in. Without looking up from the table, he began speaking.

"The first one, Paige Morgan, was running for class valedictorian alongside Bella. Both of us knew she was a dirty player and would probably pull up an act which could get Bella in trouble. And true enough, she posted a nude photo of Bella using an anonymous account in our school page. The picture was real, and I'm sure she got it from Ethan, being the only guy Bella has ever been with. I reported it immediately but it was too late when they took it down because the principal had already seen it. He was about to expel her but she begged him not to so he thought he'd just eliminate her as a candidate for class valedictorian."

The whole time Sam was talking, the detective has been writing nonstop on his little notebook, this being the first time he's received relevant information about the case. There was finally a flicker of hope in solving the mystery that's been bothering him for weeks.

He took a sip from his already cold cup of coffee, "And a few days after Bella's death she was found lifeless in her room, am I correct?" Sam nodded. "How about the other one? Mr. Travis Anderson?"

"Well Travis was a bully. I can still vividly remember getting a wedgie from him back in freshman year," he couldn't help clenching his fist at the thought of the jerk. "A few days after the issue, Bella found out that Travis was the one who sent the photo to Paige using Ethan's phone. By the way, Paige and Travis were dating during that time so you'd understand why he helped her."

There was a minute of utter silence after Sam stopped speaking. It's beginning to make sense now— the consecutive deaths that followed Bella's, the cause of death of the victims, and their connection to Bella herself. The detective thought for sure there was something fishy going on— I mean how big of a coincidence can it be that both the victims were found to have been toxicated by the same drug? But what he couldn't figure out was why the victims voluntarily took the drugs.

He was about to ask more questions about the subject, considering how much Sam had already spilled. But before he could, he was cut off by the boy, "Sir I've already shared a lot of what I know. Can I please go home now? I still have to prepare for our prom tomorrow night. I haven't picked up my tux yet and it's getting dark outside."

Having left with no choice, he let him leave.

---

[P R O M]

It had been weeks but Ethan still couldn't get over it. He spent most nights staying up all night, contemplating on the things happening around him. First it was Bella— who he admits he has wronged and no one knows how sorry he is for being a jerk to her. Next it was Paige, who he didn't really like, considering she's an entitled bitch. And then there's his bestfriend Travis. He couldn't even enjoy prom like he thought he would months ago.

Who wouldv'e thought Ethan Blake, a candidate for prom king, would be sulking in a corner instead of dancing with the other students?

His train of thoughts were interrupted when his eyes landed on a girl standing by the doorway— Bella. But how could that happen? She's dead. At least that's what's been going around the school. Extremely puzzled, he stood up and followed her. Could he really see ghosts? She is a ghost isn't she? If she isn't, how can she be alive?

Questions were piling up in his mind while he followed her to the library. She took a seat on her usual spot and motioned him to sit across her, so he obliged. No one spoke for the first few seconds. He didn't know what to say and Bella, well he has no idea what's running in her mind either.

"Cat got your tongue, Ethan?" she broke the silence. "I know you have a lot of questions in mind. Let me hear them."

"You're alive?"

Bella chuckled, "I was expecting something better than that, but yes. I am alive."

"How?"

"Ethan, sweetie, time's running out and you're asking the wrong questions."

He rubbed his hands on his face, evidently frustrated. "I'm sorry it's just hard to process this right now. Everyone thought you were dead Bella and now you're here in front of me. If I tell this to anyone they'll say I'm out of my mind."

"Well that's the thing, you won't be able to talk to anyone after this." The sinister smile plastered on Bella's face was enough for him to wet himself even though he didn't understand what she's saying. "Since I can tell you still have no idea what's going on and you failed to ask the right questions, I'm gonna help you out. Wanna know how your friends died?"

He let out an audible gasp, "You were the one who killed them?"

"Yeah. Wanna know how I did it?" she asked in almost a whisper. Without waiting for a reponse, she continued. "I asked them to play a game with me. See this bottle?" she held out a small, transparent bottle with two pills inside. "One of these pills has poison in it. I asked them to choose one and whatever's left will be mine. We'll swallow it the same time and whoever dies obviously loses," she took both pills out of the bottle and put it down on the table. "Now Ethan I want you to play with me."

"What if I don't want to?"

Bella smiled once more before pulling a gun behind her, "Oh I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you this is not optional. All you have to do is pick one. If you're lucky enough, you'll get out of this alive and I'll be the one who dies."

Ethan stared at the identical pills in front of him. There's no way to tell which one's safe and which one isn't. He could feel her stare piercing through his soul the longer he decides. After giving it much thought, and accepting his terrible fate, he picked the one from the left.

"On the count of three," Bella picked up the other pill and positioned it at the entrance of her mouth, and he did too. "One, two, th—"

Before she could finish, someone kicked the door open revealing Sam holding a gun as well. Bella furrowed her eyebrows at him, oblivious of what's happening.

"I can't take this anymore, Bella. I helped you get your revenge because I know how much you needed it. But I don't want to hear another person dying because of you. Now put down the gun and surrender to the cops or else."

"Or else what?" she pointed her gun at him and shot him near his shoulder, earning a scream from Ethan who was cowering behind the curtain of the library.

Before Bella could fire once more, Sam aimed the gun and shot her on the head before losing consciousness.

---

[ONE MONTH LATER]

"We're back in the same spot we once were, Sam. Now tell me everything that happened that night."

The detective was right, they were in that same cramped, dimly-lit room they were in a month ago. And it's still because of the same person. But this time he couldn't bring himself to say what he knew— not because he was still the same anti-social guy, but because of his fear of what might happen if he tells the truth.

He avoided the gaze of the man in front of him before letting out a sigh.

"I don't know."