#I should be working on my computer right now but im listening to taylors version and getting distracted with teenage girl daydreams

[freebooter4ever]

kenny p is losing his mind over this one

[i-like-your-genitalia]

You are going to kill me... buuut all 200 questions? I'm keeping you busy and thinking about your life

200: My crush’s name is: Jennifer 


199: I was born in: a hospital? (Jks 1998)


198: I am really: funny 


197: My cellphone company is: Lebara


196: My eye color is: boring ol’ brown 


195: My shoe size is: a ladies 9


194: My ring size is: I actually don’t know


193: My height is: 5'10 


192: I am allergic to: nothing surprisingly 


191: My 1st car was: 1998 Subaru Legacy (the station wagon)


190: My 1st job was: Checkout Worker


189: Last book you read: The Accident Man


188: My bed is: a king 


187: My pet: I don’t have one atm 


186: My best friend: Anushka 


185: My favorite shampoo is: I don’t have one (but I like anything coconut or tropical scented)


184: Xbox or ps3: don’t care 


183: Piggy banks are: lit


182: In my pockets: I’m a girl, only 20% of my clothes have pockets big enough to put anything in 


181: On my calendar: “Spotify Premium runs out on the 27th of August"


180: Marriage is: Not married 


179: Spongebob can: 


178: My mom: is awesome 


177: The last three songs I bought were? Whatever I listened to last on Spotify? 


176: Last YouTube video watched: review on Aztec clay face mask 


175: How many cousins do you have? 4 step cousins and then 6 blood related cousins 


174: Do you have any siblings? Just a younger sister 


173: Are your parents divorced? Nah they still together and in love 


172: Are you taller than your mom? Only just 


171: Do you play an instrument? I used to play the piano 


170: What did you do yesterday? Worked

[ I Believe In ]


169: Love at first sight: kinda 


168: Luck: yes 


167: Fate: not really 


166: Yourself: sometimes 


165: Aliens: yes 


164: Heaven: yes 


163: Hell: no 


162: God: yes 


161: Horoscopes: I mostly enjoy the zodiac memes and compatibility and personality horoscopes 


160: Soul mates: yes, but I believe you have more than one 


159: Ghosts: yes 


158: Gay Marriage: big yes 


157: War: nope


156: Orbs: it would be cool but I’m neutral 


155: Magic: yes

[ This or That ]


154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs 


153: Drunk or High: Drunk 


152: Phone or Online: Online 


151: Red heads or Black haired: Red heads 


150: Blondes or Brunettes: Blondes 


149: Hot or cold: Hot 


148: Summer or winter: Summer 


147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 


146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate 


145: Night or Day: Day 


144: Oranges or Apples: Oranges 


143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly 


142: McDonalds or Burger King: Maccas 


141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk Chocolate 


140: Mac or PC: Mac


139: Flip flops or high heels: High Heels 


138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and Poor 


137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke


136: Hillary or Obama: OBAMA


135: Burried or cremated: Cremated 


134: Singing or Dancing: Dancing 


133: Coach or Chanel: Chanel 


132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who are they?


131: Small town or Big city: Big city 


130: Wal-Mart or Target: I haven’t been to either 


129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller 


128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure 


127: East Coast or West Coast: East Coast 


126: Your Birthday or Christmas: this is too cruel to answer 


125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 


124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 


123: Yankees or Red Sox: um don’t care

[ Here’s What I Think About ]


122: War: It’s expensive and unnecessary and should be a last resort. It’s not worth the lives lost, people injured and relocated. The monetary cost is ridiculous and it barley solves anything. It cause more issues and potentially more wars

121: George Bush: did 9/11


120: Gay Marriage: It’s actually crazy how long and how much effort it took to get this accepted. And I just hope this right isn’t taken away! 


119: The presidential election: Donald Trump and Pence need to die or be locked up forever, I don’t even understand how anyone thought that Hilary Clinton would be worse. 


118: Abortion: Pro-choice for the win 


117: MySpace: I wasn’t old enough for this 


116: Reality TV: my guilty pleasure tbh 


115: Parents: I love my parents and they are good to me. But it would be great if they could be less homophobic. 


114: Back stabbers: I don’t know why people feel the need to intentionally hurt and embarrass someone, especially someone who isn’t prepared for it or trusts you 


113: Ebay: I don’t really use eBay 


112: Facebook: I use it to tag my non tumblr friends in memes and to stalk people 


111: Work: I’m sick of my job but I’m having to stick it out for now. 


110: My Neighbors: They are seasonal but if their kids could not move and rearrange the bedroom at the ass crack of dawn that would be fantastic 


109: Gas Prices: New Zealand, especially in the towns. Gas prices are so high. Spain isn’t so bad


108: Designer Clothes: I’d rather have more clothes than one designer one 


107: College: 


106: Sports: I have zero hand eye coordination and therefore hate sports! But I will watch the Olympics 


105: My family: They are cool for the most part 


104: The future: is scary and it makes me wanna throw up if I think too much about it

[ Last time I ]


103: Hugged someone: like a week ago 


102: Last time you ate: I’m eating chocolate right now 


101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: my grandparents and my cousins today 


100: Cried in front of someone: it’s been forever 


99: Went to a movie theater: like a good 6-8 months ago


98: Took a vacation: ummm like 4 months ago 


97: Swam in a pool: yesterday 


96: Changed a diaper: not since my babysitting days 


95: Got my nails done: literally before I left New Zealand so 5 months ago


94: Went to a wedding: it’s been years 


93: Broke a bone: never actually broken anything in my body 


92: Got a peircing: I got my ears pieced when I was 12 


91: Broke the law: Probably when I was driving, speeding or something but nothing I've been charged with lmao


90: Texted: like a couple of hours ago

[ MISC ]


89: Who makes you laugh the most: my sister 


88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: having consistently good home cooked meals 


87: The last movie I saw: probably shrek 


86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: being back in New Zealand! Or doing some travelling 


85: The thing im not looking forward to: working 


84: People call me: gay
83: The most difficult thing to do is: be honest 
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: I actually haven’t 


81: My zodiac sign is: Leo 


80: The first person i talked to today was: my girlfriend 


79: First time you had a crush: the first crush I remember, I was in year 4 (so 8 years old) and it was on this boy named Joseph 


78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: I’m good at hiding things tbh 


77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: my sister when my mum and dad were talking shit 


76: Right now I am talking to: my sister and my friends from New Zealand 


75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Hairdressing tho I kinda would like to do pre school/nursery/kindergarten teaching 


74: I have/will get a job: currently working as front of house at a little supermarket 


73: Tomorrow: I’m working and doing house work


72: Today: I slept and then worked 


71: Next Summer: I will hopefully be enjoying the sunshine 


70: Next Weekend: Working yet again and having dinner with my grandparents 


69: I have these pets: Definitely a cat, and also a dog 


68: The worst sound in the world: chalk or finger nails on a chalkboard 


67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself 


66: People that make you happy: my sister, my friends and my girlfriend 


65: Last time I cried: when I watched beauty and the beast 


64: My friends are: absolutely incredible, I don’t deserve them


63: My computer is: I don’t have one anymore 


62: My School: I’m not in school 


61: My Car: I don’t have a car atm 


60: I lose all respect for people who: are snakes 


59: The movie I cried at was: beauty and the beast


58: Your hair color is: brown and boring 
57: TV shows you watch: Atm limitless, shooter, Shetland, Rewatching Criminal Minds, AHS and Black Mirror


56: Favorite web site: boohoo.com or iherb 


55: Your dream vacation: A cruise or a historical/relaxed tour of the ancient world 


54: The worst pain I was ever in was: in a tie between slamming my fingers in a car door or when I got a virus (it’s a really bad version of food poisoning) and I actually thought I was gonna die. 


53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium to well done 


52: My room is: relatively clean and currently got that minimal plant theme going 


51: My favorite celebrity is: Dua Lipa 


50: Where would you like to be: with @dysfunctionalgroup


49: Do you want children: yeah one day 


48: Ever been in love: yes 


47: Who’s your best friend: Anushka 


46: More guy friends or girl friends: it used to be a balance but now mostly girl friends 


45: One thing that makes you feel great is: cute underwear and a good nights sleep 


44: One person that you wish you could see right now:


43: Do you have a 5 year plan: yes


42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: mentally but it’s not written down anywhere 


41: Have you pre-named your children: no, but I have some names I really like lined up 


40: Last person I got mad at: my sister 


39: I would like to move to: the Uk or NZ 


38: I wish I was a professional:

[ My Favorites ]


37: Candy: Reece’s pieces or skittles 


36: Vehicle: Kinda want a Range Rover or a Land Rover but in the old style. Or a classic car


35: President: Obama


34: State visited: ive never been to America 


33: Cellphone provider: Lebara 


32: Athlete: my bio teacher, she played for a big women’s netball team 


31: Actor: Jensen Ackles 


30: Actress: Gal Gadot 


29: Singer: Dua Lipa


28: Band: The Internet

27: Clothing store: h&m or boohoo


26: Grocery store: I don’t have one 


25: TV show: Brooklyn 99


24: Movie: I have too many 


23: Website: this hell hole


22: Animal: Cats or Goats 


21: Theme park: I’ve only been to Disney 


20: Holiday: Christmas and Halloween 


19: Sport to watch: Gymnastics 


18: Sport to play: None


17: Magazine: who reads magazines anymore 


16: Book: the Mysterious Benedict Society 


15: Day of the week: Friday 


14: Beach: as long as it’s sandy I’m cool 


13: Concert attended: J Cole


12: Thing to cook: Pizza and Sweet and Sour Pork 


11: Food: Cheesburgers 


10: Restaurant: Any that sell food I like 


9: Radio station: ZM




8: Yankee candle scent: most of them




7: Perfume: Dolce and Gabbana, Floral Drops




6: Flower: forget me nots




5: Color: Green




4: Talk show host: don’t have a fave




3: Comedian: don’t have a fave




2: Dog breed: Border Collie




1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Guess you’ll never know

[chill-that-ur-inmyhead]

Do you have a facial expression you seem to pull a lot? What is it? the life is sad but oh well gotta move on or stay being sad Do you always listen to music when you’re online? If so, what are you currently listening to? usually i don’t but currently i’m listening to taylor swift - me  When you can’t sleep, what do you do? i either shop, do surveys or look at memes  Did you like the last book you read? What was it about? dracula - didn’t finish it but i liked what i read so far  Do you prefer things (Movies, books, etc) that scare you or make you laugh? laugh

Have you ever rubbed your eyes so much you couldn’t see for a while? yeaa Do you like people more or less when they have similar tastes to you? Why? if we have similar tastes then i feel like we are like-minded so thats cool but different tastes aren’t always bad  Do you ever forget how to do really simple things? Like what? get out of bed What would you change about your current physical appearance if you could? my weight - and im trying to but it is a slow process Were you born with naturally straight teeth? they’re alright Do you pull faces at yourself when you look in the mirror? yeah normally wide eyed faces Do you try not to take a lot of medicine or do you take it whenever? i don’t take a lot of medicine, only when i am sick  Do you prefer acoustic or studio versions of songs? studiooooo but acoustic can be cute depending on the song Do you quote movies often? Any ones in particular? tv shows, like the office, parks and rec, community and ofc friends If you were the opposite gender, what name would you like to be called? Spencer - i’d like to be called this even for a girl haha Do you like the sound of your computer’s keyboard typing? yeah If you had to make a superhero secret base somewhere, where would it go? under the sea Do you prefer original or sour Skittles? original What about chocolate or peanut M&M’s? chocolate Your favourite band: Do you prefer their old or new stuff? old Do you check to make sure your ear phones are going in the right ear? yep  What pattern was on the last pair of socks you wore? hearts Would you rather have a big house or a big garden? big house Are fireworks illegal to buy where you live? nope When was the last time you felt dizzy? a week ago  Do you have a crush on anyone who’s unattainable? Why are they? i have multiple some are celebs and there’s this guy that isn’t interested  Can you talk and work at the same time?                                                      depends what work i am doing and whether i get it or not Do you care more about yourself or more about others?                            others  Do you find it easy to pass the time or do you get really bored? i can pass the time for sure Do you like going to museums? Any particular type? yes but not for long because my legs and back starts to hurt Are you ever scared of people reading your survey answers? a bit What time do you usually go to bed at on weekends? recently its been like 3am  Does any part of you itch right now? my legs do How often do you re-watch / re-read things or are you more ‘once only’? re watch allll the timeeee - re read is a different kettle of fish What time is it right now? 12:31pm Should you be doing something else instead of this? What? working on my assignment  What colour are your eyes? Do you like them? Greeny- blue, yep What colour ink do you prefer writing in? Black What is your favourite kind of take-away to order? chinese  When was the last time you met someone who shared your first name? probably last year while i was working in retail, loads of customers had my name  Have you inherited any garments from your parents or grandparents? nope When was the last time you took a picture? What was it of? today i took a selfie to send to my friend  Do you ever watch movies with the subtitles on just for fun? yeah Do you tend to call people by their birth name or a nickname? nickname  When was the last time you visited the doctor? Why did you go? contraception pill Do you ever wear shoes even though they hurt your feet? heels, yep

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS - CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: 9th December 2018

Geez, today was a busy week. Before we talk about the top 10, however, let’s just get the massive elephants out of the way.

CHRISTMAS NONSENSE

It’s the festive season and one way people celebrate the holidays is by listening to its music – usually, Christmas music, of course, and since I review all returning entries that I haven’t talked about yet, sigh... There are seven of these so I’m going to go as quick as possible, but just bear with me throughout this section because I really don’t like Christmas music all that much. Let’s just get it over with.

#39 – “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” – Brenda Lee

This is “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”, a song written by Johnny Marks and released in 1958 in the US, being left on the shelf for four years until its release in the UK in 1962. In 1963, it peaked at number-six and has since re-entered due to digital downloads, with one of its highest recent peaks being number-seven last year. It’s pretty inoffensive rockabilly, with some nice very-50s guitar licks coming in throughout, and some decently-sounding production, but really it’s not anything of internet until that sax solo. That solo is freaking gorgeous, and I’m glad it’s there, because otherwise this would just kind of fall to the wayside. Not sure I like Lee’s voice on here, it comes off as a bit nasal, but it’s not a big deal. It’s alright, I guess. I expected to say RIP here since she was popular such a long time ago, but no, she’s still alive and kicking. Good for her.

#36 – “Merry Christmas Everyone” – Shakin’ Stevens

Now this is where it all breaks down into dread. This song by Shakin’ Stevens is Godawful, mostly because of how painfully manufactured the whole thing is. It’s overproduced Christmas music that is just jolly feelings and nothing else. Those horns that kick in after the first verse are pretty cool, but Stevens doesn’t sound great here – or at least I can’t tell because he’s drowned in reverb – and the choir might as well be a computer for all I care. Also, the sax solo was cool the first time in Brenda Lee’s track, but here it’s just trite, especially when you add those shooby-doo-wops over it. This track was initially the Christmas number-one for 1985, and I understand why, but does it really have to come back every year since 2007 – for over 60 weeks in total? Oh, it peaked last year at #10 too. Let’s hope this upwards trend doesn’t continue.

#35 – “Santa Tell Me” – Ariana Grande

Now for a more recent one from arguably the biggest popstar in the world right now, with her 2014 song that actually failed to chart in the Top 40 initially until last year at #29, and that’s its peak so far... whilst I’ve never been a fan of the cleaner, refined Ariana Grande records, I do have a soft spot for this one. That melody is infectious and the sleigh bells complement the synth bass in a way I didn’t think they would, and it’s not like the drums are all that overpowering here, although a trap skitter would have worked better here (yeah, I know, not something I say often). It’s surprisingly romantic and sensual for a song with Santa in the title, actually, although it’s about men who have wronged her. Anyway, Ariana kills it but what else do you expect from a song from her at this point? It’s a good track, although the final chorus with the choir is really cluttered, just saying, it’s messy.

#30 – “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” – Michael Bublé

This here is Michael Bublé’s cover of traditional Christmas classic written in 1951 by Meredith Wilson, and it’s not great. Obviously, I mean, it’s Michael Bublé, ever since “Haven’t Met You Yet” he’s been utterly useless seasonal radio fodder. Bublé never really sounds bad but he never sounds interesting, and this production isn’t doing him any favours. It’s sickly sweet strings and brass for the most part, with some piano added in there for good measure, after what seems to be way too long of just airy synth, string and guitar noise – that’s really out of place, guys, why is this on the single edit? Ah, what else to say? Oh, right, nothing.

#26 – “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” – Band Aid

Oh, I know it’s Christmas time, alright, this song won’t let me forget it. I could ramble on about how preachy and awful this charity single is but other people have done it better. I just have four short things to say – 1.) this was the most popular song in the UK of the entire 80s. Yikes. 2.) This is the worst thing the Boomtown Rats have had any involvement in. They’re such a great band, hell so are Culture Club. How do Boy George, the Boomtown Rats, Ultravox, Phil Collins, U2, Kool & the Gang, Sting and Duran Duran make something this awful? They’re all absolutely fantastic musicians in their own right. 3.) That synth that kicks in after a while is pretty ugly, not gonna lie, and is unfitting for the condescending Christmas charity single angle they’re going for here – mostly because that’s what it really is. 4.) We’ve remade and reissued and re-entered this song too many times. Let it go, Britain. Please. We’re begging you. It’s for a good cause, and I appreciate how much money it’s raised, but it’s also garbage.

#18 – “Fairytale of New York” – The Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl

They use the word because it was the 80s, it’s not meant to mean homosexual and it’s not used in that context – albeit still a negative one – and the climate of Ireland, especially the Celtic punk scene, wasn’t exactly going to care about dropping that slur in their Christmas single. It should still be censored, though, I mean, black rappers saying the N-word is morally okay, but we still mute those, right? Anyway, this is one of the best songs I’ve ever heard. It starts with a beautifully elegant piano melody, with the lead singer of the Pogues, Shane MacGowan, mumbling his way through his verse, but instead of people like Future or Lil Baby, there’s still a lot of sincerity there, I feel, and a lot of soul is put into expressing the lyrics here in the raspy tone that I absolutely love. I’m not going to talk much about the story here mostly because I’m not going to go in-depth, but it’s about a typical love story going awry at some point due to a betrayal. Oh, and the moment the Celtic traditional instruments come in is one of the best moments in music – ever. Kirsty MacColl sounds so lovely here, and the harmonisations in the chorus are fantastic. That flute solo is gorgeous, and the juxtaposition between “you’re a bum, you’re a punk, you’re an old s--- on junk, lying there almost dead as a drip on that bed” and the cheerful instrumental is just hilarious to me, especially since right after “Happy Christmas your a---, I thank God it’s our last” is immediately followed by the bombastic drunk sing-a-long chorus. The third verse is also such a great back-and-forth, man, I can’t even bring to words how much I admire and adore this piece of music. This is the best song I think I’ve ever talked about on this show, by far, but it could have easily not been close if “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders returned this week. We’ll just hope for next week, I guess. Rest in peace to Kirsty MacColl, gone much too young.

#14 – “Last Christmas” – WHAM!

Finally, we have our last Christmas song for this week’s holiday REVIEWING THE CHARTS special. It’s an anti-climactic end, to be honest, because I’m pretty indifferent to this song. It’s pretty 80s, to be fair, so I’ve got to like some of the cheesy falsetto vocalisations from the late George Michael at the start, as well as those repetitive synths that keep themselves from sounding awful by having those sleigh bells and pretty damn nice keys covering them. That chorus is iconic, but the rest of the lyrics are just forgettable. Honestly, it’s a good background song and it’s a well-written, catchy pop track with Michael putting in some good vocals throughout, but, it’s nothing special. Nothing but respect to George Michael, though, rest in peace, he’s a pop legend over here.

Christmas Conclusion

The best Christmas song on the charts right now is easily “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl, but an Honourable Mention goes to Mariah Carey for “All I Want for Christmas is You”. Yup, that’s still here, we’ll get to that in a second. Worst of the Week goes to Band Aid for “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” You should be ashamed, Bob. Dishonourable Mention is going to Shakin’ Stevens for “Merry Christmas Everyone”. Other Christmas songs you should check out are “Christmas in Harlem” by Kanye West, Teyana Taylor and CyHi tha Prynce featuring Musiq Soulchild (heck, check out the longer version if you wish), “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders, “Stop the Cavalry” by Jona Lewie, “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay, “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” by Tyler, the Creator and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” by DMX. Yes, those last two actually exist. Now, this Christmas section has taken longer and is longer to read than about half of my normal episodes, so I think we should get straight into...

Top 10

Well, this all feels a bit more familiar. “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande is still at the top of the charts five weeks in, and it doesn’t really seem to have much competition.

Ava Max, however, is making a surprise run for the top, up four spots to number-two, with “Sweet but Psycho”. I wouldn’t exactly be complaining if this hit the top either.

“Without Me” by Halsey is up a spot to number-three.

We have a new entry from the most recent X Factor winner, Dalton Harris, with a cover of Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Christmas classic “The Power of Love”, featuring James Arthur. I guess awful Christmas songs aren’t going away for that long, huh? Obviously this is Dalton’s first top 10, and Arthur’s fifth.

“Thursday” by Jess Glynne is down two spaces to number-three.

Up a whopping 28 spaces this week to number-six is, you guessed it, Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You”. This isn’t its first top 10 turn, and it’s not its peak, but still impressive to reach here nonetheless.

This means “Woman Like Me” by Little Mix featuring Nicki Minaj is down five spaces to number-seven.

“Rewrite the Stars” by James Arthur and Anne-Marie has actually gained nine spaces, surprisingly, and to my dismay, to number-eight, becoming Arthur’s sixth and Anne-Marie’s fifth.

Oh, and if you wanted even worse news, up an even larger 29 spaces is “KIKA” by 6ix9ine featuring Tory Lanez, becoming both their first (and hopefully for 6ix9ine, only) top 10 hit at number-nine. I like the song, but I don’t like Tekashi, to say the least.

We have another new entry at #10 this week with “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” by Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus. This is Ronson’s sixth top 10 hit and Cyrus’ fourth (yeah, I thought she had more too).

Now, instead of separating what happened on the charts into Dropouts, Climbers, Returning Entries, Fallers and such, let’s separate into two sections: “What Survived” and “What Suffered”.

What Survived

What survived means essentially everything that still managed to chart this week, and I’m actually surprised by how much power some of these songs have. Going in reverse order, I have no idea how “Arms Around You” by XXXTENTACION, Lil Pump, Swae Lee and Maluma managed to cling on despite a 17-space fall to #40. “Promises” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith is down 16 to #38, “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong is down four to #37, “Empty Space” by James Arthur is down 10 to #34 (why did James Arthur of all people have the strength to stay during the avalanche?), “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra is down eight to #33, “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper is down 27 to #32 (considering both streaming cuts and Christmas bloodbath), “Leave a Light On” by Tom Walker has returned to #31 for some reason, “when the party’s over” by Billie Eilish is down seven to #28 (again, surprised this one’s still here), “Taki Taki” by DJ Snake, Ozuna, Cardi B and Selena Gomez is down eight to #27, “1999” by Charli XCX and Troye Sivan is down 11 to #24, “Polaroid” by James Blue, Liam Payne and Lennon Stella is down 11 to #23, “Let You Love Me” by Rita Ora is down eight to #22, “Better” by Khalid is down five to #20, “Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee is down seven to #16, as is “ZEZE” by Kodak Black featuring Travis Scott and Offset right next to it at #15, “Funky Friday” by Dave and Fredo is down five to #12, and everything else that’s currently charting is either simply not notable (a drop or climb less than four spaces), in the top 10, a new arrival, a Christmas re-entry or in the top 10. Jesus. Now, what’s gone?

What Suffered

This is a little nicer name for what’s dropped out in the absolute onslaught of Christmas music and new arrivals (all returning and new entries this week total to 12 songs that weren’t on the chart before). This week was an absolute bloodbath, and these are the murder victims. Former #1 “Shotgun” by George Ezra is out from #30, “Advice” by Cadet and Deno Driz is out from #28, “AirForce” by Digdat is out from the #20 debut, “Mo Bamba” by Sheck Wes is out prematurely from #27, “This is Me” by Keala Settle and the Greatest Showman Ensemble is out again from #36, another former #1 “Eastside” by benny blanco, Halsey and Khalid is out from #31, “Happier” by Marshmello and Bastille is out from #32, “I Found You” by benny blanco and Calvin Harris is out from #29, “MIA” by Bad Bunny featuring Drake is out from #35, “Always Remember Us this Way” by Lady Gaga is out from #39, “Goodbye” by Jason Derulo and David Guetta featuring Nicki Minaj and Willy William is out from #40 and finally, “Back and Forth” by MK, Jonas Blue and Becky Hill is out from #37. I’d say it’s time to move onto the New Arrivals – but before, I’d like to say that the BBC redesigned their UK Top 40 page, and it looks pretty cool. Anyways:

NEW ARRIVALS

#29 – “MAMA” – 6ix9ine featuring Kanye West and Nicki Minaj

Of course, DUMMY BOY only had a stunted tracking week last week, so we have the effects of the album this week. This is 6ix9ine’s third top 40 hit in the UK, Nicki Minaj’s thirty-seventh (yeah, I know, it’s insane), and Ye’s even crazier forty-third, and to be honest, it’s inoffensive, which is something I’d never thought I’d say about a 6ix9ine song, but, hey, it is what it is. Murda Beatz’s production is pretty cool for what it is, and I do like the eerie synth loop. 6ix9ine’s delivery is lazy and boring – and I still think we shouldn’t let rappers say they kick women out of doors – but he doesn’t last long so when Kanye comes in with that “man, oh my God” refrain it gets so much better. I’m so used to Kanye West’s pop-culture rambling, social media criticism/obsession, somehow relating to women nonsense he brings to nearly every single verse he does recently that I’m used to it, it’s just something I’ve heard before delivered relatively comedically. Nicki’s refrain and verse actually has some work put into it, unlike the dudes’ bars, so yeah, I appreciate that, although her delivery and cadence is exhaustingly blunt and straightforward, to the point where it’s just kind of tiring. There’s some decent wordplay there, I guess. This is okay enough, and pretty much top-tier Tekashi to be honest. “KANGA” also featuring Ye is even better, though.

#17 – “Going Bad” – Meek Mill featuring Drake

Meek Mill and Drake working together is something I expected to happen anyway. Meek and Drake have seemingly squashed their beef and have relaxed after the “Back to Back” situation and their popular 2015/2016 beef that revealed a lot about Drake, specifically his ghostwriting from Quentin Miller, and eventually stressed Meek’s relationship with Nicki enough for them to break up as a result. Oh, and you better believe they mention “back to back” because of course they do, it’s the only funny wordplay they can conjure up, apparently. This is Meek Mill’s first ever top 40 hit in the UK (congratulations) and in stark contrast, Drake’s forty-fifth (yes, even more than Kanye), and his thirteenth just this year (probably and hopefully his last), and it’s mediocre. I didn’t know what to expect because I’ve never really cared enough about Meek to listen to him, but an out-of-tune piano absolutely demolished by some bass while Drake spouts off with stuff like “I got more slaps than the Beatles” isn’t exactly the best first impression. Is there a chorus here, or not? I can’t tell, everything’s just kind of the same until the ad-lib break that’s long enough for Genius to count it as an entirely different section of the song than in Meek’s verse. It was “Interlude” when I looked but it might be “Post-Chorus” now. Yeah, it should be clear I don’t care enough about this song. I do like Drake’s delivery in the hook, though, it’s pretty energetic, but not enough to save it.

#10 – “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” – Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus

So, yeah, I like this. It starts with some beautiful strings right before Miley Cyrus fades in with her country twang that I’m starting to really appreciate, and those guitars come in to complement her and the deeper bass that I like the addition of, it really contrasts the otherwise pretty light production, that seems to be dramatic but kind of unfitting for the lyrical content about how the world can hurt you but heartbreak is the worst possible thing, because despite the beat’s melodrama it’s too upbeat to really work here, I feel. Ah, well, the hook is pretty memorable, and the orchestral stings is just one little barely-noticeable production quirk that I can talk about, seriously, Mark Ronson puts so much effort into crafting these songs over the years, it’s pretty great. It may be a bit too repetitive and slow for my taste, but, yeah, I can dig this. Good song, just not much to say about it.

#4 – “The Power of Love” – Dalton Harris featuring James Arthur

The girl gets Leona Lewis, the Scouse dude gets Kaiser Chiefs, yet the WINNER gets James Arthur?! Really, James Arthur? Poor dude. You must know you’re an amazingly talented singer when you get James Arthur put on your song and you still make a surprisingly decent winner’s single, hell, even win in the first place. Arthur is such an awful vacuum of talent, I was scared Harris would be affected by this but no, even with my half-bothering with the show this year I can tell he’s been consistently great, and he’s definitely not bad on here either, although the production has no unique charm to it and is just plastic Syco production as you expect, with James Arthur bringing an above-average performance (this means still pretty bad) with his moaning and straining that just pains me to listen to. Seriously, James, let’s have a cactus-to-man talk and let me teach you how to not sound like my dead cat who just popped some Xanax.

Conclusion

Worst of the Week goes to Dalton Harris and James Arthur for “The Power of Love” – at least “Going Bad” has some energy and legitimate soul to it, although Meek Mill and Drake still get Dishonourable Mention. Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus take Best of the Week home for “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart”, and hell Kanye and Nicki made “MAMA” bearable enough for them and 6ix9ine to get Honourable Mentions. See ya next week, where we’ll probably see a few more Christmas songs. Delightful.