#I think it’s still done recreationally even if it’s seen as kind of a weird hobby

[narvin]

listen gallifrey is a nightmare death planet I have to believe that time lords can be easily converted back into terrifying apex predators if they spend a long enough time outside. like how domesticated pigs will revert to wild ones within a few generations

[laurelnose]

good news! I don’t have a brain tumor 🥰

so basically what happened is

mid-december: i acquire Debilitating Migraine, 10 out of 10 worst pain I’ve felt in my entire fucking life Migraine, worse than the time I spent three weeks recovering from major surgery completely sober because I am inexplicably resistant to just about every class of painkiller I’ve ever tried Migraine. (I actually only rank the surgery experience about a 6 out of 10 on the pain scale.) we get the migraine down to Bad But Manageable by locating several new Christmas light strings that turned out to be flickering at speeds the human eye could not detect but my human brain certainly could and throwing them all out. I make a doctor’s appointment.

last week: I finally see my PCP. she prescribes me a triptan, which is an abortive med that is meant to stop migraine attacks. the triptan decreases the headache but does not remove it entirely. also, the damn thing keeps getting worse again. I try it three times over the week, which is the maximum number of times you’re supposed to take a triptan in a month. almost like you’re not supposed to have more than three headaches in a month or something?? weird. well, technically I haven’t had three. it’s all the Same Damn Headache.

this same day I also pick up a topiramate prescription, which is a preventative. i am advised i can start the topiramate even if i am not pain free. maybe if i give it a day or two it will help even if i am currently having an attack??

wednesday i see my PCP for followup and tell her i am still in pain. she offers to get me squeezed in to have an intramuscular toradol (heavy-duty NSAID) shot. this kicks in within 20 minutes and doubles my migraine pain. I was at 3-ish and now I am at 6 and unhappy about it.

i do not come back down from the level the toradol kicked me up to. i survive thursday by not doing very much of anything.

uh? holy shit? yeah, sure?

friday the pain becomes unbearable. back up to an 8, which isn’t the worst it’s been but it’s also Day Forty Fucking Two and I’m so tired. I leave work early & go to urgent care where they pump me fulla benadryl and dexamethasone. absolutely none of this is fun — the dexamethasone feels like a panic attack and the benadryl makes me dizzy and light-headed + makes it very hard to think of words? what the shit do people take benadryl recreationally for? but! the pain diminishes dramatically. after the IV’s done they get me in for a CT scan and are like hey! you don’t have a brain tumor! (I was not actually worried I had a brain tumor but it’s always nice to rule it out.) but you do have a sinus infection and a bunch of fluid buildup that’s probably triggering the migraine. (really? but I haven’t been congested?) yeah, no, it’s really deep in there. do you wanna do antibiotics and sudafed about that to clear up the fluid?

saturday morning the head pain is back but it’s mild and it feels LIKE A FUCKING SINUS HEADACHE and not a migraine anymore oh my god. Guess what kinds of headaches are fucking fixable and tend not to be intractable and unpreventable. It’s also like, a manageable amount of pain? It hurts but I feel okay?? I get thru work without taking my breaks in the dark with a heat pad? I look at headlights on the dark road coming home and am not immediately debilitated? 😭 Maybe in a week and a half when the antibiotics course is done I will actually just be Fine??

I really shoulda gone to urgent care back in December. Too bad I didn’t quite realize you could go to urgent care for migraines until I’d seen my PCP for the first time and that couldn’t happen earlier bc, well, appointments are hard to come by.

I’m wondering in hindsight if the triptan WAS kicking the migraine more effectively than I thought it was and i couldn’t tell because I had a sinus headache underneath (which kept bringing the migraine back). this also explains why I was getting decent results with Vick’s VapoRub LMAO. Like some people do swear by menthol for migraines but it was probably helping the congestion too.

anyways this is why I’ve been quiet. I will be quiet for a little while longer probably bc the sinus headache is still not fun but it is getting better. in fact i had to get up and eat breakfast to take my antibiotic but it is sunday and i don’t actually want to be awake so i think i’m going back to bed

i am never letting anyone talk me into taking another NSAID ever fucking again.

[erstwhilesparrow]

☕️ + any combination of [hannigram, cc!dream, c!dream, ecology, religion]

hello! :] under the cut for length:

hannigram: i. so i haven't actually even finished season 1? there is probably A Lot that i am missing, it is safe to assume a certain about of Saying Words Recreationally, but i am a little obsessed with the way that people keep talking about will like he automatically gets no say in any of the things they're deciding about him? (i am thinking of, and this may be a misremembered scene, alana bloom and hannibal talking about What's Best For Him, having-a-therapist-wise, while he is conspicuously absent from the room) and it's... he's already meat to them. meat that does interesting things when poked, meat that can be very useful, but meat! hannibal being a cannibal is just allowing the possibility of making that literal. and i get the other appeal here, of [being known by someone in ways no one else ever will], but i don't know if i have a solid feeling about that yet? also, i'm sure the fandom is insufferable about them. no i will not elaborate. (lying because i'm immediately elaborating now: i've seen at least two really good fics that the authors labelled as spitefic, and they were just Correct, to the best of my knowledge? i'm deeply apprehensive about what they could possibly have been a response to.)

cc!dream: part of me wants to say "oh okay time to swing bats at hornets' nests today" but i don't really believe that my opinion of him is that controversial? (the thing i do believe is that if the wrong person sees this at the wrong time, it will be like i did that swinging anyway. such is the nature of massive fanbases. whatever.) starting with Current Events: i haven't read the google doc, and probably won't look into The Current Events further than what i've already seen, but i understand he at minimum was flirting with a fan who was still in high school when he was 21 and sending her private snapchats and that's. Don't Do That?? Hey, That's Fucked, There's A Power Imbalance Here That You Cannot Ignore, Don't Do That. i get why people's reaction was to drop him. i think it's fucked [in ways and for reasons i cannot elaborate on in this already giant post] that he's probably still going to be completely fine after this. beyond that, the amount of attention i pay him is minimal.

god, fuck, i think i talked myself into being kind of mad about this by remembering the fact that there are probably so many kids that look up to him. fucking hell. okay. I'm Not Learning / Thinking More About This. You Can't Make Me. The World Is Not Changed By Me Getting Mad On My Tumblr Blog Of Twelve Followers Total. moving on.

c!dream: oh my god he sucks so bad i want to strangle him (<- thinking about the exile trials + verdict)

no further analysis.

ecology: uh. surface opinion: cool field of study! ecologists in general seem like really cool people. more people should care about this. more personally: i feel weird about this one? like as a kid i read every animal book i could get my hands on and completely sincerely believed those pages they always had at the end about how You Can Change The World By Recycling :) . but also being In Nature wigs me out? but also i care about living creatures and their relations to each other? but also how much do i get to really say that and mean it when the most i've done is Occasionally Relocate Bugs Outside and Nod Sympathetically At Spiders? conflicted about this.

religion: another one i feel weird about! because i was born and raised in canada (sparrowlore for you, i guess, if you couldn't guess from how i spell colour) i feel there's like a background radiation level of knowledge i have about christianity that i don't really have for any other religion? so i am a bit suspicious, like, when i say 'religion' do i mean that or do i mean 'christianity'? and i keep saying the universe, which feels like i just want the christian god to go by a different name, but if asked directly i would say i'm probably an atheist? i... would like to be more principled about my atheism. also, part of me wants to be like "other people's religion is none of my business, let people be", but also part of me that wants to be like, "here are the specific historical instances that show i cannot ignore how religion has been repeatedly used to justify / perpetuate horrific acts and i want to be wary of the institution that allowed for those acts". i don't have a good sense of how to... reason about that divide? and like maybe i shouldn't even be framing it as that particular dichotomy? what i'm saying is both these impulses exist in me at once. and that is, all at once, how i feel about religion.