#I thought I'd be using all the fandom stuff I downloaded more

[tleeaves]

Wasting Beats In This Heart Of Mine - how it would have ended

Hello, folks! As some of you already know or have heard me mention previously, my TLH fanfic WBITHOM is coming to an end. I am no longer comfortable with it being in the public eye since it involves a lot of personal stuff for me, and so I have decided to delete the fic entirely on every platform it's been published on (that's Quotev, AO3, and Wattpad) rather than rewrite the entire thing. This will also finally give me the chance to focus on other written works. Maybe I'll return to fandom with a rewrite one day for anyone interested, but for now, the future is dedicated to other things. The fic will be deleted in 48 hours, so readers on Quotev and AO3 have a chance to download the unfinished fic if they so desire before then or just have one last read. I ask that no one rewrites or adds an ending to my fic and publishes it anywhere without my knowledge and permission. Never put an author's work through AI either. I still have several copies of my fanfic and its outline, so I will always have evidence of where the story comes from.

WBITHOM is a monster, with the master document coming to well over 150,000 words and the fic so far being ~146,000 words (the entire outline and all my notes makes up over 4,000 words, yes). I predict that, had I finished the fic, it would come close to 188,000 words (so, there was a decent ways to go still). It's the biggest thing I've attempted, but because of that, it is also the most time-consuming (it's been almost a year and a half of writing, and each chapter either takes two full days to write or weeks) and it takes up the most space in my head, not really leaving room for the other ideas I want to explore.

So, as someone suggested, I thought I'd give readers who were hoping to see the fic to its proper end some closure. That's what this post is for: how it would have ended. Along the way, I'll explain some things too about recurring themes and motifs and all manner of behind the scenes and thoughts behind my ideas.

Character Arc Summaries

As readers know, this story follows the characters of Lila Raftis, James Herondale, Cordelia Carstairs, and Matthew Fairchild. They're all the most significant figures, though we do see other perspectives and side characters too. Essentially, Lila Raftis struggles with loneliness due to a myriad of other issues she has to work through, and James Herondale's arc starts with his depression and turns into a journey to authenticity where he feels like his own person and not just what he has been written or expected to be. Cordelia Carstairs' physical state of being lost extends to how lost she is within, and she ends realising that she has been continuously defining herself through other people. I see her as leaving London and the love triangle with James and (unconfessed) Matthew (and Lila) to deconstruct a lot of the ideals she was trying to live up to and why. As for Matthew Fairchild, I made the deliberate decision for him to turn into a werewolf and have that separation from Shadowhunter society so that he could pursue the arts and build a better life that he would find more satisfaction with, also eventually becoming sober. I took inspiration from his time at the academy, particularly when he turns to Lila in one of the earlier acts and asks if it's so bad to not be a Shadowhunter. At first, he regrets turning, but I planned for him to wind up relieved.

Honestly, while this work is very self-insert (and that's not a bad thing generally, but I've been finding it uncomfortable as time goes on, so that's why I prefer to take it down and keep it to myself), it was also my way of going How It Should Have Ended for the TLH series as a whole. I started it before ChoT, yes, but that book only led to minor changes and alternate paths taken -- I was already using ChoI as a base to steer these characters in the directions I thought they should go.

The Rest Of Act Three

The rest of Act Three of the fanfic is summarised below (...at length. It's a lengthy summary).

We ended the fanfic on the chapter where James and Lila returned to London, 1903 of his dimension. He was gravely wounded in his left arm, which ends up being amputated despite the efforts of Lila and Lucie (and Gus' help too). This is, of course, a reference to the recent fan art of James where a headcanon went around that the reason we couldn't see his other arm was because it just didn't exist. I took it and ran, which was not planned. I knew I wanted James injured so that Lila could return the care he once had shown her when she was wounded badly, but it wasn't going to be as severe as it ended up being. This is how we ended up at the Institute instead of 48 Curzon Street as I had previously planned for the chapter. James was going to be fine, but Cordelia had decided to confront Lila about several things, and they'd end the night having kissed -- which in turn leads Lila to going for a walk to clear her head and her subsequently getting kidnapped by Jonathan Bell (the Other James from another dimension). Anyway, the change did make some of these plot points awkward (😭) hence why I spent ages editing the make out between Lila and Cordelia because I could not decide how it should start and end. It was a nightmare. As Silver pointed out, it didn't make a whole lot of sense in the order of events (Cordelia should have gone to see James first), but I was in a mad rush to finally release the update since I knew people were waiting. The kidnapping also was not quite as dramatic as I envisioned it, but oh well. I'm actually quite happy with the rest of the chapter though.

From there comes the rest of the fic that readers probably will not get to experience, so that's why I'm writing this out, so you at least know the mysteries that I won't get to reveal and how we get to the end.

Jonathan Bell kidnaps Lila and, through the use of shadow, they end up in Paris, France. This is where Matthew also fled after his mother released him from the Silent City cells after he persuaded her into it. Lila ending up there and being away from both James and Cordelia, and spending more one-on-one time with our antagonist and Matthew since the earlier parts of the book was always intended.

Jonathan is revealed to have possession of another silver pen, which is a reference to a previous fanfic I wrote (also deleted) called Chain of Lies, where the pen could literally rewrite reality if you used your own blood for ink. In Jonathan's dimension, Lila ended up staying in his world and marrying him, but she also dies of a mysterious sickness during their honeymoon, so he uses the pen to go back in time and cancel their honeymoon, under the impression she would not get sick. Instead, she was hit by a car several days earlier, and died in the accident. Jonathan goes back again to stop that from happening, but Lila ends up dying again anyway, over and over again in different ways, every time Jonathan reverses time to prevent each event from occurring. Eventually, he goes so far back in their timeline together that he's reliving the December when they met, and that's how he knows how to divert the accidents in WBITHOM that threaten harm to this other dimension's Lila (are you still with me?). But before that, he created a time loop in that December of his dimension just trying to keep Lila alive for two years of his life whereas everyone else remained the same, but stuck in time. It's supposed to be very angsty and tragic, and it's a demonstration of one of James Herondale's core traits eventually twisting horribly wrong: how he would do anything for those he loves, whether that be family, friends, or lovers.

This character flaw/strength is something I reference lightly a few times throughout the fanfic, mostly in the ways he is concerned about the safety of his family and friends which he tries to find out from Lila, who has read Chain of Iron and knows what the future is supposed to be, and then how he reflects on how he does not know what he would do when someone he loves dies. Honestly, the issue is that he cares too much about people, which is both a good thing and a bad thing, depending on how far it goes. Jonathan is the literal embodiment of what would happen if James' care went too far, if it bordered on obsession, if he wanted to keep someone from dying so bad that he would sacrifice everything else, even the universe.

So, Jonathan finally confesses to the time-loop and explains that as a drastic measure, he tried finding Lila in another dimension to see if he could save her there, but this tearing of the time-loop to escape it worsened a tear that Cordelia had already created in her fight with Belial and the Mandikhor to such a point that it started growing and expanding and destroying the fabric of time and space between dimensions and the universe as a whole. You know, wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey... stuff (Doctor Who reference for those who get it). The thing he did not realise though is that in this timeline, Lila is not meant to die, so long as she goes back home instead of staying in 1903 (he still doesn't know this, it's just a fact I would have explained to the readers when we meet Circe, the employer of Poppy Morad (P.M.) and Saint Nicholas). This is supposed to leave Lila conflicted, because as much as she wants to hate his guts for being the reason for her family disappearing and the worlds ending, even this Other James is a reflection of her own nature, which is another thing that's been lingering beneath the surface for the duration as the fic: while James has a doppelganger that demonstrates who he might become if he cannot accept loss, he and Lila have similarities boiling beneath the surface that go unnoticed until an outburst we saw Lila have where she basically accuses James of being just like her (not complimentary at the time).

Lila as a character is someone who cares deeply, but is willing to sacrifice herself and others to protect what or who she cares deeply about (yet we also see her choose self-preservation over self-sacrifice a few times before she truly starts acting in service of others). Her circle of people she cares about is more limited than James', but the shared sentiments still stand. Plus, the way Jonathan has acted this entire time has always bordered on unnerving or odd -- I did that on purpose. He's been driven to obsession, where he's basically an extreme of what James and Lila believe in. And he is both James and not James in this way, if that makes sense. We see in one of Lila's nightmares earlier in the book Jonathan saying it does not matter which version of him he is or which version of her she is -- they belong together. Fully delusional at this point, but it's meant to be scary. I'm kind of obsessed that Jonathan is also a mirror for Lila to see how she might look to her James: someone who knows you way too well, but you've also never met nor know much about at all (she might know James but she does not know this one), who's inexplicably fixated on you (granted, James did not even begin to guess Lila's feelings, and hers were rather superficial in a way until they spent more time together).

Anyway, basically, the start of this rewrite of Chain of Lies pretty much began with these dynamics between the two Jameses and Lila. It was a whole thing with diagrams and late night ranting to my poor sister and everything.

So, of course, Lila is conflicted and she also does not know how she's supposed to get Jonathan to reverse the problem he has created -- whether he's also supposed to go back to his dimension and whether that will be enough to repair the tear. Most of this happens in the Notre Dame cathedral because I said so (I like cathedrals as settings, sue me if you dare).

Meanwhile, Matthew has been in Paris and totally avoiding Charles, so he also hears nothing of Will and Tessa being notified about James' injury in London and leaving by portal. But he does hear some French Shadowhunter gossip about the Consul's werewolf son's disappearance when he discovers Lila being taken to the cathedral by a masked man. Then ensues a solo rescue operation. Honestly, I always have a lot of fun writing Matthew, it's hard not to include him more. Anyway, the rescue is successful, and he takes Lila back to his hotel room to lay low for the night before he gets her back to London with the others (since he recognises that they must have no idea where she is, what happened, and she's an integral part of solving this whole mess, as people are still disappearing in this world).

I had a really nice scene planned that I'd been waiting the entire book to write, but basically Lila and Matthew spend a sober night together (as opposed to their time in the Silent City together) where they talk about all their woes, including their love lives, and eventually they get on to the topic of how they could have smoothed over both their dilemmas if they just had each other as lovers, if only their similarities were not such that would probably be self-destructive at this point in their lives. Because we've seen often in the book other characters compare these two, but it's these two themselves who recognise that, yes, they are alike in some ways, but not the ways it counts in order to have a healthy romantic relationship. They settle on being good friends. Matthew also takes her measurements so they can pick up some quick changes of clothes since Lila's still wearing her grimy outfit she wore during the explosion. And she also brings up that she knows he's an artist, but asks that she have the chance to sketch him, and he offers to do so in return, so they spend the rest of the night drawing, which I just find so sweet. There's not much significance in that at face value, it's just cute, but I also see Matthew embracing an old hobby as one of the first steps he takes in moving on from all his pain and finding better outlets for it.

Also, the platonic nature between Lila and Matthew, the complicated romance with James and Cordelia, and then all the familial themes and side-plots going on are all part of an idea I had going into this that I wanted to demonstrate many facets of love and the importance of each in their individual right. If anything, given the extreme slowburn I've come at James/Lila/Cordelia with particularly, I want to end this book purposefully with none of them winding up together because so many other things mattered more than their romance, and even the kind of loves they have for each other are a reason they don't end up staying because they would all rather see each other safe and not see each other at all than know they might cause other problems by being in the wrong dimensions.

Anyway, because I do multiple perspectives for everything, while Matthew and Lila and Jonathan have their bit going on in Paris, back in London we see James coming to terms with his disability and in all his rumination over what's happened and Lila being missing but him being unable to go out and find her, James finally (FINALLY!) realises his romantic feelings for Lila. This also leads to a scene between him and Cordelia where they both discuss Lila and their feelings for her. Cordelia also confesses how she has felt for James for a long time, but she also explains that she wants nothing to come of it anymore because she does not see herself settling down with him like she previously thought. James is a bit stung by this (I mean, my guy had no idea about Cordelia's true feelings until now and then she also springs a rejection on him at the same time when he's just begun to realise some of his own feelings around her) but is ultimately relieved since he feels he needs more time to figure out who he is and the life he wants without the bracelet numbing him.

We also would have seen Poppy Morad and Saint Nicholas again and their increasing distress and alarm with how difficult Jonathan Bell has been to track and control since he's hared of to Paris with Lila.

When Jonathan finds out Lila's gone, he feels betrayed and frustrated by his failure. Because while he feels he has saved her, she's refusing to be his as she once was in his dimension (also why he was confused and then against her leaving and going home earlier in the story). The world is breaking down around him (we start to see parts of Paris going up in flames, not unlike London 2021 of Lila's dimension) and he's about to go track Lila down again (but now he's going a bit more heavily into Villain Mode).

We also see Poppy Morad closing in on Jonathan as he returns to London when she's defecting orders from Circe, her higher up, to take him down instead of corralling Lila's effects on the timeline.

Lila and Matthew return to London on Christmas Eve just hours before the end of the world properly starts in 1903. This is also when she and James interact for the first time since he passed out on the bridge several days ago. I was a bit undecided on how I wanted this scene to look, other than I needed them to finally confess their feelings for each other in the rain like a cliche after they have an argument where Lila says that James has everything she wants (and this is where we realise the root of her problem in this whole book is not simply loneliness, but a dissatisfaction with herself and her life, which has lent itself to the more superficial issues she's been having) but that ultimately she also just wanted him though she knows she cannot be with him without risking everything. So, when James confesses his side, they decide to spend what little time they have left with each other as best as they can. (And this where I as an author push them together like Barbie dolls and go "now kiss").

Have I mentioned this story has too many layers and plot points and it's been driving me mad this entire time I've been writing it? Anyway.

They quickly determine with The Gang™️ that "Belial" and "Lilith" are not who they seem to be anymore, because while Alastair just got arrested for the murder of Lilian Highsmith (oh yeah, that happens while Lila and Matthew are in Paris, because I wanted a reversal where it's Thomas who stands up for Alastair when he's accused of murder, just for funsies) everything else that has happened seems to be related to whoever this P.M. (remember when Cordelia was also accused of murder because Filomena thought she saw Cordelia when she was attacked?) and Matthew body double is (spoiler: Poppy Morad and Saint Nicholas are codenames for other versions of Cordelia Carstairs and Matthew Fairchild in another timeline, I'll explain more about this later, but what you can probably surmise already is that this alternate Cordelia has taken the place of Belial within this dimension and is the one murdering all the victims (including her father. That was a difficult point, because we see in a PM and Saint Nick scene that he's concerned about whether she can go through with it) and Matthew has taken Lilith's place in some minor ways (like hiding and then handing back Cortana at the right moments)).

Anyway, because Lila's kind of behind on some events, she goes to confess to Cordelia (but explain how she also feels about James), when Cordelia says there's a lot more she wants out of life before she pursues romance again. That she's been so consumed by it, by finding love, by getting married, she's lost who she is beneath it all. (Have you noticed the theme for every character in this fic is basically authenticity and finding oneself despite whatever circumstances they find themselves in?)

Then, we also would have seen Lila dedicate herself to taking down Jonathan herself since he's the main problem that's tearing things apart and perhaps if he's killed then he can no longer influence time and reality.

Vaguely, I had planned that James and Lila would have what my outline says is "an emotional night together" because it could mean literally anything and I wasn't totally sure where I wanted it to go. So. Interpret that one how you will with whatever you prefer, honestly. Anyway, while that's happening, we see Matthew go home to his mother who is, understandably, worried sick and mad because he never wrote to her like he was supposed to and Charles return without him. We see Matthew collapse into her arms and just sob. That was the plan. It's important to me that he's actually vulnerable with her for once and that he, a young man too big to be in his mother's arms, lets himself be held anyway. There was also supposed to be a wholesome Thomastair moment that I hadn't really planned, though I knew Alastair would go home with Cordelia afterwards and she would start her journey to forgiving him. We also would have seen her kneel in front of Sona to confess A Whole Lot Of Things about what's been happening in her life, from as early as the marriage blanc and the Blackthorn Manor incident. Basically, everything is supposed to be hopeful even if it hurts just a bit and feels a little bittersweet. Because then in the chapter this all would have taken place in, we'd end with Saint Nicholas and Poppy Morad collecting the pithos from Christopher who picked it up in the background of everything (basically, all the Belial storyline has still been operating as it should, except it's being orchestrated by PM instead of Belial), when Jonathan sneaks up on them and fatally wounds (he had the intent to kill) Saint Nicholas, who he is shocked to find out in that moment is an alternate Matthew.

AND THEN, next chapter we would have had at the tolling of midnight, signaling Christmas day, PM the alternate Cordelia (whose character is the way it is because she's been hardened by some long and traumatic years -- she and alternate Matthew have a tragic backstory that I've been keeping in my back pocket that wasn't really necessary to be explained in the story, but if you want to know more, just ask) drags a dying alternate Matthew back to their tent where Circe, their mysterious employer, is torn away from her work elsewhere to start enacting emergency world-fixing in this timeline. This is also when we find out Circe's identity: she is Cassandra Clare, once again (if you read Chain of Lies) who's codename was derived from the common shortened CC she's referred to in fandom, who has universal powers and basically controls (to an extent) a good portion of the universe. Like a god. But also not. It's a whole mysterious thing that I never intended to explain because I think some things are better unexplained.

THEN, Jonathan shows up to 48 Curzon Street, covered in blood and calling for Lila. A fight between him and James (and sort of Lila who's attacking Jonathan though he refuses to attack her) ensues before he ends it all by taking out a silver pen (The Silver Pen) where we see 'Nikoletta' engraved on it, and writes a time-loop which snaps the final threads keeping all the timelines and dimensions in order.

Act Four Explained Slightly More Briefly

This is the final act of the book and also the shortest. It was planned to only be about six chapters long. Now, I was most excited about this part of the book because I had ✨visions✨. No, literally, the entire inspiration of this entire fanfic came from a dream I had about James Herondale as Spider-Man, me impersonating Cordelia Carstairs and not knowing how to do Shadowhunter things, Santa Claus as Father Time, and the end of the universe, and this is where we would have finally get to see it all come together.

We kick it off with an entire chapter dedicated to a lot of scenes similar to what I've written earlier in the book with Lila and James' nightmares, where nothing makes complete sense and yet the reader is meant to feel on the cusp of understanding something alongside the characters before the dreams usually end. Only they don't here. The dreams are reality, but reality is broken, and there is no waking up because there is also no sleeping and there is no normal but faint memories of what came before. So not only is the environment ever-shifting (think of it almost like a kaleidoscope and you have maybe a quarter of my vision here), but the people also keep "glitching" between different versions of themselves at different points in time and in different realities even (sometimes the doubles join and then they split apart, it's a weird nightmareish sort of thing in my mind), and so they also have different memories and levels of knowledge about things that have happened and what's going on. We see it mostly through Lila and James' perspectives. There's supposed to be a lot of angst and a feel like everything is a fever dream.

In the next chapter, things only start to get slightly ordered when Jonathan Bell finds Lila and says he'll rewrite the universe she wants so that it's perfect for her, and can have it be anything she wants, so long as they are together (major creep vibes though, honestly, as sweet as this might sound to some). This is also me addressing a problem from my original fanfic before this one, Chain of Lies, where I basically gave that silver pen waaay too much power, and now I'm demonstrating what it can do and so, like the one ring to rule them all, it must be destroyed (once Lila or someone else gets a hold of it to rewrite and fix the fabric of everything). Alastair saves Lila from Jonathan this time (he's still a bit prickly, but we see he still cares about Lila anyway), and demands she go find Cordelia to end Jonathan (Cordelia has Cortana which can cut through anything, which is important). Then we also would have seen that James is stranded somewhere with a fluctuating Matthew (the vision is that he keeps changing states from a werewolf to a living corpse to himself at various ages) and they are attempting to find PM, the alternate Cordelia, who knows Circe who should be able to fix everything as PM explains (she got separated from Circe and Saint Nicholas when the world went crazy). She leads them partway before she's taken by the collapsing world (she disappears basically, because that can still happen to people). When Lila finds her Cordelia, she's in the Paladin state (imagine glowing eyes and a vague aura of scariness with a glowing sword and you've got it) and it takes a bit to get through to her so they can make a plan to take down Jonathan.

Chapter after that, we have Cordelia distracting Jonathan so Lila can steal the pen, but she realises she does not know how to write an ending that does not kill all the Jameses since, as Jonathan once put it in her nightmares, "it does not matter which version of him I am... we are the same". This hesitance gets Cordelia fatally wounded, though she's not quite dead yet, but it's the final push Lila needs to kill Jonathan with Cortana (as also seen in a dream she had ages ago without realising it), and Circe finally manages to pull enough worldly strings in this chaos to pause time long enough for James and Lila to reunite to do the re-writing with her.

From there, we have two alternate paths. I called these basically "the happy ending that could have been" and "the bittersweet ending that was", which I was inspired to write by The Umbrella Academy (if you know, you know, I won't spoil it for anyone else who doesn't).

In the happy ending that could have been, we see the characters a couple years down the line. We also find out that Lila would not have died like she did in the other universe. She and James are together and they end up planning to propose to each other on the same day, which is the day after Lila successfully ascends. Then we see Cordelia and Matthew travelling together across the world as friends. After that, we would have seen Thomas and Alastair having dinner at the Lightwoods'. Finally, the Raftis family believe Lila is missing, presumed dead, but after a couple years they are finally moving on.

The bittersweet ending that was though is where Lila goes home. The friends she's made in London 1903 see her off before James takes her back to her dimension where they'd have one final goodbye on Blackfriars Bridge. That night, Cordelia gets on a train to set off and travel on her own. We also see Matthew, who has already picked up Oscar a couple days earlier, going to Gus' flat to complain that Oscar misses Gus and would not stop whining until they came by. We see Matthew finally tentatively suggest a first date, and Gus would accept. We close this part of the ending much like we started the book, with James walking alone in the night, just as he was when he left the Devil Tavern and his story took a different direction to canon when he found himself outside Cornwall Gardens where he met with Alastair. This time, James is alone, and he's feeling a little hopeful about the future ahead.

We get one final chapter before the epilogue where it's mostly Lila's perspective as she finally gets to experience Christmas with her family in 2021 and I planned for the beginning of some family healing and bonding to occur. Then we would have seen future James once more, who it turns out is now tasked by Circe (CC) with maintaining the space between dimensions, but this means he can't be in any one for very long since it's a lot of work that takes up time.

And now we get to the epilogue. Every time I imagine this, I get a little emotional. The epilogue would have began several years in the future with Lila dropping a bi-annual letter into the Thames, which I liken to the River Styx, in that it's where all lost things end up. We see, rather comedically, that she has moved out with the money she gained from some things she "stole" from Curzon Street, as well as her mysterious finding of the adamas, which scientists in her world are still amazed by. We are surprised to see though that when she goes home, she's living with the version of Matthew who nearly died in his previous role as Saint Nicholas, because CC gave him a chance to live out a new life elsewhere, in a dimension where there was not another version of himself. He and Lila seem to be doing well.

We cut to James of around December 1905 who has gone to visit his family at the Institute, where Lucie and Jesse are pouring over Cordelia's latest letter from abroad. James says he was just at Matthew's flat, and Gus was telling him about theories of time travel that the mundanes at the university Gus attends were discussing. We also find out that James himself has written a book, a science fiction piece with a ridiculously long title, about different worlds and the doubles of people that exist. After the dinner, he goes to Blackfriars Bridge and produces several of Lila's letters out of a pocket before stowing them away and shadow travelling to her dimension to leave a letter for her.

The fanfic would have ended on James' letter, which mentions briefly that he is having nightmares again of Belial's return since they have heard nothing have what happened with CC. Aside from that, the letter is rather sweet. But we see that Lila never gets a chance to read it, because CC collects it first and burns it with a lighter while humming "it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas".

Concluding Words

And that, ladies, gents, and fair folk, was how Wasting Beats In This Heart Of Mine would have ended. It has potential for a sequel. One I never want to write except in my head because, man, I am so exhausted by this fanfic alone after I already did it as a rewrite of Chain of Lies. If anything, this is the sequel to Chain of Lies and the next potential story would be the third book. It's been a long few years, I'll tell you that.

Some final things:

If you're wondering about that green coat I was always mentioning: it was supposed to be my tell, along with the gold-ringed eyes, for Saint Nicholas being an alternate Matthew, who is also the leader of the SoHo wolf pack in his origin universe. For Poppy Morad as the alternate Cordelia, who worked as Matthew's partner in time shenanigans, it was the fact that people forgot her face once they saw it because of a facial rune she applies (one that does not exist but she has courtesy of working for The CC). That's why people often knew they saw Cordelia, but could not remember the details of that meeting, if they managed to remember her at all.

The reason Lila has essentially what I call "a death aura" is because of her alternate selves, many of whom die, and it's something that leaks between worlds as the walls steadily break down.

At some point in Le Grand Reveal Of The Time-loop, Lila realises that the detailing on Jonathan's mask matches the floral detail on the back of The Joker card she's been carrying around with her sister's initials this whole time, which hints at just how significant some of the objects in this story are and the meanings they can give (The Fool and The Master being other common names for the card, related to its unpredictability and capability of being anything).

Jonathan wears, obviously, his crimson cape, but his clothes are a deep navy blue and this is part of my reference to Spider-Man and the original dream that inspired all of this.

Future James does indeed have diamond stud earrings. I said so.

At the end of the book, CC would have reinstated Lilith and Belial (whom she removed for previously causing problems in other dimensions where they became too aware of alternate timelines) with altered memories, so the stories can generally continue where they left off (some a couple years later, which has some interesting effects if I wrote the next book, in theory).

And I think that's all I have. But if anyone has any questions at all, feel free to reply to the post to ask, message me, or put it straight into the ask box, I'm more than happy to answer since I'm already depriving you of a properly written-out neat ending to everything. Reminder that I am deleting the fanfic WBITHOM in roughly 48 hours from the time of this post, so after that it will not be available on any public platforms for reading. I am not taking down any of my other fanfics (except for the few that I already have some weeks ago).

Thank you to the readers who have supported me on this longass journey. You were often the reason I kept going when I wanted to give up on writing fanfic, especially writing this one, which has been a very trying process (I mean, it took me half a day just to explain the last approximate third of the damn book, for crying out loud). I appreciate the kudos, the comments, and all the enthusiasm. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Take care now, and I'll see you in the updates of other works in the future.

-- streettealee

P.S. special thank you to @thevagabondexpress who endured many hours of me blabbering way too much about this fic and these characters, who I pestered to give me feedback as I fretted over whether I was doing everything right (spoiler: there's no right way, just better ways), and who cared about this when I struggled to. You suggested I might find a way to give readers some closure. And so I also give thanks to @faithfromanewperspective, who went nuts for an Australian OC (understandably, as I would too) and blazed through my entire fic and encouraged me inadvertently to start updating again after a long dry spell. You still absolutely get to see my drafts and outline next time we catch up in person, but I hope for now that this is a good description of the rest of what the book would have been and it gives you some closure, as well as for the other readers. Thank you also to @quantummeep for reading and commenting! I can never get out of my head how even early on in your reading you recognised all the plot threads that I had been weaving together, and it meant so much to me that you appreciated the level of detail I tried to work with.

Thank you all and to the other readers who also supported me 💛

[frenziedslashers]

I hope you get the switch issue sorted out and it just needs a new memory card or something :( I'd love HCs or a oneshot with Handsome Jack, maybe with a reader who's a medic who takes care of his scars and mask? SFW or NSFW or both, whatever you're feeling.

Thank you, I appreciate your support man. It is so far downloading Borderlands: The Pre-sequel alright. So I am crossing my fingers that it at least works at redownloading that game since I was working on a rerun with it and would hate to have to wait until I could get a new memory card to replay it 😭 thank you for the request too, though! I am absolutely living off the fact that there are still people on here who read borderlands stuff. I have really missed this fandom tbh <3

This may be pretty ooc for Handsome Jack. I never write for him, but I was in a fluffy sort of mood so I hope you enjoy Anon :)

Taking Care of Handsome Jack:

He never really let anyone touch him, before or after he became Handsome Jack. The thought of getting too close to someone and having them slip through his fingers like everyone else in his life hurt him, it really did. He just chose not to let anyone know that. I mean, he was supposed to be a feared man, showing any sign of weakness would surely get him demoted to Pandoras most feared, to Pandoras Softest Villain.

But there you were, sitting next to him on the floor of his home, a first aid kit strewn out on the floor before the both of you. "You know, I could tend to these wounds a lot better if you let me take you to my station and clean these with proper equipment. Unless scars are today's form of tattoo, it almost seems like it." You fussed while working away at bandaging up his arm.

"And let someone see that I'm not made of steel and that I bleed? Yeah, fat chance, princess." You rolled your eyes at the pet name. "Why do you trust that I won't tell the world that the all-great and powerful Jack bleeds blood like the rest of us?" You asked him, peeking up at him through your lashes with a small smirk before looking back down to tend to his wounds. "Oh, I just know you won't" he hummed, his other hand moving to rest on your thigh. "I feel like you get cockier each time I come here," "Call it confidence, dolly." He cooed with a snicker, though that quickly faded when you pressed on one of his cuts just right. A hiss left the man's lips, glaring over at you as you tried to hide a smile. "Sorry. "

He watched you for a few more moments until you leaned back, declaring your work finished as you looked over the mans body one last time. At least from what you could see of it. "Like what you see?" He asked you, and you rolled your eyes for what felt like the fiftieth time tonight. "I'm just checking over to make sure you didn't get shot anywhere else. Remember last time?" "God, don't remind me." He groaned.

Last time you did have to take him to your place of work. He had gotten shot in the back, literally, and hardly noticed until his adrenaline wore off. If it weren't for your second inspection and you seeing the blood he would have been a dead man. He never even said thank you for it, either.

"Well?" He asked, and you nodded your head. Eyes moving back up to meet his. Smiling softly back at him. "Looks good, handsome." You teased with a smirk. "Well then come here, gorgeous," he sniggered, pulling you closer to him by your hips. Moving you to rest over his lap. "Has anyone ever told you how hard to get you are?" You sighed, leaning forward a bit, "humor me." This wasn't the first time the two of you had done something like this. It started to become a common occurrence each time he called you to come to his house and patch him up. Some days you wondered if he was putting himself in the line of fire just so he could see you. You didn't think that much into it, though. The last thing you needed was the thought of Handsome Jack actually liking you for more than just your body and easy help. He was ruthless and cared about no one. At least that's what you were always told and assumed.

He sighed back, leaning forward to rest his chin on your chest, staring up at you with a smug expression. It was an awkward angle to stare back down at him, but it made you smile nonetheless. "I think that's what I like about you most." He hummed, "That and the fact that you save me about once a week, and god damn do you fuck really well." He partially joked and you groaned. There he went ruining the moment that you were starting to think was actually really sweet.

"Is that all I am? A toy?" You truly didn't care what the answer would be from the man, you were more so just playing along. But something behind his eyes told you that it struck a chord with him. His brows furrowing together. "Why the hell would you say that?" Well, that wasn't entirely the response you were expecting. Jack leaned back so the both of you were able to look at one another properly.

"Well, you only ever contact me when your bloody and bruised, and then we screw around, and I leave. Sorry, I was just playing around." You confessed, and he shook his head. "Have you ever thought about the fact that a call works both ways? You never call me, I call you for help because it's the only time you'll come and see me. I asked you to come over on three other occasions and each time you said you were busy. You only ever come if I'm dying, I can't believe you think so little of me." He spat, pushing you away from him. This wasn't like him, the sudden emotional change made your heartache. You felt horrible for making him upset. Then again, a part of you expected him to start laughing and point out the look on your face.

He wasn't lying though, he had asked you to come over three other times. Two of those times you assumed was just for sex, but the third time, thinking back on it now with the way he worded it. He did really just want to see you, even if he was drunk and you could tell.

"Jack, I don't think little of you," you tried to reassure him, and he scolded you. "Oh, yet you thought I was just using you as a fuck toy? Yeah, I enjoy it, but that's not who I am. I'm a lot of things, and I've done a lot of sick, idiotic things, but I'm not a user," he frowned, his eyes still focused on you. You could tell he was pissed, betrayed, hurt. You didn't know what you could do to make it up to him, and that's when you saw it. The blood dripping down his mask that made your chest clench in panic.

"Jack, did you hit your head today?" You asked all while leaning forward. "Oh, now you think I hit my head because I'm showing emotions? I'm not a fucking lunatic," he hissed, and you ignored him. Reaching out to touch the face of his mask. Pulling it back to show him the blood on your fingers. "Why are you bleeding from your head, Jack?" You asked with a stern expression. A bit upset he was ignoring the fact that he was still hurt.

"Oh shit," he muttered. Reaching up to touch the blood himself. Slight panic setting into himself. The last thing he needed was a concussion, or something worse. His head did hurt a little, but he didn't think it was that bad. "How many fingers am I holding up?" You asked while holding three fingers up for him. He pouted a bit, "Jack," you stated sternly. "Fine, three." "Good," you hummed, reaching into your bag for a light. "I'm going to shine my light on your eyes to make sure your pupils dilate properly, is that okay?" "Whatever you have to do, doc."

You completed the tests that you had to to make sure he was alright. Though you did suggest he take a concussion test, you knew he wouldn't. He was too stubborn to admit that he had one. Lucky for him you were sure it wasn't too severe if he did have one. "You call me if you start feeling worse, okay Jack?" He sighed as you mothered him. Closing his eyes while you worked on checking the wound through his thick hair. Minus the wound itself, he liked the feeling of you taking care of him. It made him feel normal in a sense. Like you were his loving partner, taking care of him after he got hurt at work, but he knew now that wouldn't be a thing. Or at least he assumed. You seemed to have higher expectations, or at least ones that weren't named Handsome Jack.

"Is it bad?" You shrugged. "Sort of? I suggest taking a shower before I stitch it up." You told him, moving some of his hair that fell onto his forehead. "Can you join me?" You frowned a bit, "Come on, just make sure I don't fall and die. Because if I die, I'm leaving you Hyperion as payback." He quipped, and you let out a groan. He knew you hated working for the place, let alone the thought of owning it. You were a medic, not a business person.

You knew that Jack was playing his games again. The moment the both of you got into the bathroom for him to take a shower he asked if you could join him in it. "As in without any clothes?" "I mean unless you want to shower with clothes on, what are you, crazy?" Jack asked with furrowed brows as he worked at removing his shirt. Turning around so his back was to you to allow you to remove your own clothes. Which did shock you a little. It did give you the chance to look over his back wound though. It was healing up nicely, just as you presumed.

"Alright," You hummed, opening the door so he could step in, you following after. Shutting the door behind the both of you.

The whole shower was quiet, besides the water that echoed in your ears. A nonstop stream that was almost comforting. His eyes were either on your face or the wall behind you the whole time while you helped him clean his hair and body. Giving you the opportunity to make sure he had no other marks hiding from you.

"Thank you," you froze up. God, you were sure you were wrong and this man had the worse concussion you had ever seen before. First, he practically told you he had feelings for you, and now he was thanking you? After nearly eight months of you helping him out like this? "You're welcome." You didn't question it, it was nice having him thank you for your service for once. You did practically do all of it for free. It was the least he could do, even if he was technically your boss.

It wasn't long before the both of you were exiting the shower. Drying off and changing. Jack had a spare set of clothes for you. Most of the time it was the clothes that you left behind, but this time it was clothes you had never seen before. "Are they your size? I picked them out myself. It's an apology for ripping your shirt last time." He told you with a smug grin. He was still proud of that, but you didn't even have the time to be mad at him. They were your size, and the fabric was the type that you liked and that didn't bother your skin. "Yeah, these are great, thank you, Jack." You smiled back at him, and he nodded. Pulling his shirt back over his head after tugging his pants up his legs.

"See, I'm not so unthoughtful, am I?" He asked with a brow raised, sitting on the edge of his bed while watching you head back into the other room after getting changed. He knew you were just grabbing your supplies to bring them in there. He trusted you, after all.

When you did come back, he scooted back so he was leaned back against the head board. Waiting for you to come over and attend to what you both hoped was his final wound. "So," you started as you dug out the supplies to patch up his scalp. "If I'm not a toy, what am I? Or... What are we?" You asked, glancing at his eyes before working on his head.

He was quiet for a while. Long enough that it had you worried, but each time you looked down at his face he was staring at you like he was thinking. Thinking long and hard about his next words. Really, he was praying that you would know without him having to say anything. "Truthfully, I don't even know." He told you, and you frowned a bit. There it was, you got your hopes up just a bit and you were brought back down.

"Well, I know what I want," Jack told you, a small laugh leaving his chest. "I always know what I want, it's what I'm best at. I want you. I want you by my side when I take down the Vault Hunters and open the Vault on Pandora." You stopped your work, staring at him with wide eyes. He had to be joking, right?

"What do you mean, by your side? Like as your medic?" You stammered a bit, pulling your hands away and Jack took this as a chance to grab your hands, pulling them close to him. A crazy glint in his eyes that worried you a little. "Well, that too, but as my partner. My other half. I want you as mine, and I really thought I made that damn clear with you being the only person I ever screw around with. I mean, I let you leave hickeys on me, you think I'd let just anyone do that?" He laughed, and you felt your insides turning. You were scared he was going to start laughing at you if you said you wanted all of that too, I mean. It wasn't like you didn't like him. You liked him quite a bit, actually. You always just pushed those feeling away.

"Are you making fun of me? This is a joke isn't it?" He could see the worry on your face, and it frustrated him. "What part of I like you do you not fucking understand?" He snapped, squeezing your hands a little tighter, and that made you flinch, your eyes and jaw squeezing shut. He regretted his actions, wishing he didn't let his anger get the best of him, but it was just who he was.

He released the grip on your hands. Letting them go completely so he could reach up to cup the sides of your face. "Look at me," he wanted to see your eyes. "Hey, look at me, please?" He asked, rubbing your cheek bones as he waited for your eyes to open. When they did finally flutter open he smiled. A smile that seemed almost too genuine for Handsome Jack. It scared you a little, really.

"Look, I'm sorry I yelled. I just don't understand why you can't trust me. I've been nothing but good to you, haven't I? If I did anything wrong, tell me now." He spoke, and you shook your head. "You didn't do anything wrong." He nodded his head, "Then what is it?" You stared back at him for a second while you thought of what you wanted to say. You didn't want to confuse or frustrate him any more than he already was. "I just don't get it." He furrowed his brows, "Everyone told me you were some heartless bastard who didn't care about no one. So I always just assumed you were using me. I never told anyone about me coming over to help us, or the time that we shared, but the rumors that people spread about them. I believed a lot of them." "Why?" He asked, looking a little wounded. "I guess I just never expected you to like a nobody like me." He sighed, pulling you close to him so he could wrap his arms around you. "Yeah, well I guess I'm just full of surprises." You shrugged, resting your head on his shoulder. "You really are, Jack." No one would believe you if you told them you were sleeping with Handsome Jack anyways, but you were glad to know you were hopefully the only one. If you could even believe him.

"I always just assumed you would want someone like Moxxi," "And have my heart broken again? No way, baby. Plus, you take better care of me, and you let me spoil you without having to flaunt it to the world." You smiled a little, he did spoil you. A lot more than you liked, actually. You always felt like he owed you back each time he would buy you the new supplies you needed and wanted for work or just the little things you wanted for yourself. No matter how much he assured you, you always wanted to pay him back somehow.

Your silence made him a little antsy, giving your hip a light squeeze. "Does this mean you'll be mine, and just mine?" He asked with a grin, and you smiled a bit back yourself. "Yeah, only if you let me make earlier up to you." You stated, beginning to place all of your appliances back into your bag while Jack settled down onto the bed. "Baby, when have I ever denied you?"

[dervampireprince]

hi! have you ever thought/considered posting your stuff on spotify/tiktok? /gen

thank you and have a nice day/night/whatever

for a while i posted small clips to tiktok however i soon stopped doing that. i would want my dervampireprince tiktok to be 18+ only and it's just too hard to curate that on tiktok, and the comments i was getting on my tiktoks and youtube shorts are the most vile comments i've ever received and so i don't want to go back to posting there. i don't understand why anyone would want my audios on tiktok anyway? you wouldn't be able to listen to them with your phone screen off. and if i posted them on tiktok more and they did get nice attention it's only a matter of time before people ignore my no-resposting rule. i've seen too many other asmrists/va's work reposted on spotify with no credit, often instead credited the official voice actor for the character a fan is doing an impression off instead of the fan.

as for spotify, i have no idea how the rules with copyright work there but i presume any fanworks wouldn't be allowed (character's name have trademarks on them and i wouldn't be able to use them, i've noticed that gibi asmr on spotify only posts her original asmr over there and none of her fandom roleplays). so the only thing i'd be able to put on spotify would be my original audios. and i have no idea how spotify works for posting. it's not a social media, even though some people seem to think it is and just respost any song or audio that isn't there's as a podcast (i have already had my audios stolen and reposted as podcasts to spotify multiple times). but again it's not a social media where anyone can just upload anything, think of it more akin to netflix than youtube, where only official stuff is meant to be posted. it's not just as simple as uploading my audios as an album, splitting them up into tracks of 5 minutes because...

it costs money to put your music (or in this case asmr) onto spotify. i would have to pay a distributor to do it and i'm not okay with doing that, i'm not okay with giving the license to my audios to any other person of company for them to potentially do things with it i don't want. yes there's services that most use who you just pay a yearly fee too, but it's less about the money and more about me wanting to retain all rights including distribution rights to my audios. and i wouldn't even make back on royalties what it would cost to distribute them.

now that's for uploading them as music, as albums. the reason why there's too many people reposting others asmr onto spotify as podcasts is you don't have to pay to make a podcast. so the only way i'd be able to upload my asmr onto spotify would be as a podcast. currently there is no way to monetise spotify podcasts (listener support donation are only available in the usa and ads are in closed beta). and then people would be able to listen to them offline through spotify premium instead of having to pay me a little money on patreon. am i fully against uploading my original audios on spotify as a podcast? no. but i don't see any benefit of it. and i don't mean no benefits for me (though i can't make any money off it and i don't see how it could increase my audience when people go searching for asmr on youtube far more than spotify), i mean i don't understand the benefit for you. anything spotify could give you, soundgasm already does and it does it without having to pay for a premium subscription to avoid ads.

i don't see the need for you guys to have my audios on spotify. if you want to listen to them with your phone screen off you can listen to them on soundgasm for free with no ads (you can turn off your phone screen and it will still keep playing the audio), or pay £5 to be able to download ALL of them off patreon and then you could cancel and never pay for another month and you still have all your downloads on your pc/phone. i don't think £5 for downloads you get to keep forever of 200+ audios is too much to ask. or £10 if you want access to all my n-sfw audios.

if anyone has any reasons they think putting my audios on spotify as a podcast would be a good idea or would be helpful for either myself or my listeners i would be open to hearing them. i just really don't understand the point of managing another website of uploads and keeping on top of that when whatever i think you could want from spotify is already available on either soundgasm or patreon.

[cellsshapedlikestars]

What fandoms/pairings did you get into before Jonsa? Or the first work/story that made you discover fanfic?

Just randomly sharing, broke my phone other day and looking for my downloaded fanfics made me look even further back.

😭 Final Fantasy VIII rpg game was 25 years ago and beloved fanfics of it published 20 years ago (still there in internet).

Also realized my love for broody, sulky male protagonists with angry chip in their shoulders and female characters that receive hate just bc they’re “princess”-y, “damsel-in-distress” not-the-strongest type was there too. (Prob started it.)

(we def share a ship preference for broody/princess lol)

It's been so long, I can't remember how I found fanfic. Probably in my Sailor Moon phase (elementary school-ish) because I absolutely wrote Sailor Moon fanfic. (I never posted it online or showed anyone, though. I can distinctly remember writing a Sailor Pluto fic where she's still alive after all the other sailors are killed, and she just stands there as the keeper of time waiting sad and alone for millennia for them to be reincarnated. Really fun and chill story, 12 year old me!) I can't remember any fics specifically that I read, though there was this website that used to MST3K "bad" Sailor Moon fanfics, and I remember reading a lot of those. I didn't ship anyone in Sailor Moon.

If you want to know about any prior ships/fics I wrote, below the cut!

Considering how much media I have consumed over the years, I don't tend to ship very hard. I tend to go with what the piece of media tells me the ships are tbh. Jonsa is the first that wasn't canon.

InuYasha

The first fandom I had a ship for, and the first fandom I actively remember reading fic for. I was big into Miroku/Sango. Never wrote anything for that, though.

Harry Potter

I did vaguely ship Harry/Ginny while the books were coming out, and even wrote a few chapters of an alternate book 2. That was on ff.net and is probably purged at this point. I could not tell you what my username or the fic title were lol.

Later, I dipped my toe into the Marauders/Jily fandom, but never went all out, because by that time, I'd become disillusioned with Harry Potter. Every once in a while, I'll go read a Jily fic.

Buffy

While this is my favorite show, I didn't ship too much. I kinda shipped Buffy/Spike (have thoughts on it now) and also Angel/Cordelia. I never read nor wrote fic for either of these pairings.

Veronica Mars

Veronica/Logan. Read some fic, never wrote anything.

Skins

I wrote a one shot for Sid/Cassie. Posted on my old livejournal and now re-posted to an alternate ao3 account. I don't hate it. I'd probably change some things if I were writing it now, but I think it's pretty solid.

(No, I just re-read it and it's very solid. Kinda proud of this one)

Glee

I am SO embarrassed to say this, but I wrote a Rachel/Puck one-shot after the episode where they decide to date because they're both hot and Jewish. It wasn't a super shippy fic and mostly centered around him telling Rachel Quinn's baby was his. I stopped watching Glee after the first season lol and did not repost that fic from my livejournal to ao3. It can die on livejournal.

Elite

Carla/Samuel!! LOVE me some poor boy/rich girl dynamics. I got really into them and even read some fic, though there wasn't much out there. Never wrote anything. Have debated writing a Jonsa Elite AU

The Other Fandom

Now. I have hinted in the past that I used to be in another fandom that I wrote fic for.

Oh, the OC. You held my heart for so many years (well. 2 years). I wrote so much fic for you (mostly in the first year, kinda fell off and did more experimental stuff in the second).

That fandom was the O.C.

I'm kind of afraid to say the pairing, because there's only 1215 OC fics total on ao3, and for my pairing is not one of the popular ones, and I wrote about a quarter of those, so I feel like you could find my alt account pretty easily...

I dunno. I'm a little embarrassed about some of the fic I wrote back then. Some of it is SO unnecessarily dramatic (AND IN FIRST PERSON. I HATE FIRST PERSON POV!!). I also wrote a wild amount of smut for someone who didn't really know what the fuck she was talking about lmaooo. I've spoken a lot about how skittish I am about writing smut now, but as a teenager I was cranking that shit out. (ok I actually just looked and it's only 5 explicit fics, but still. That's about 1/5 of the fics I wrote)

I'm probably making too much out of it, because there are some fics I'm proud of, but enough that I'm embarrassed by that I have yet to be able to publicly say what my apt account is

[literalcatpod]

2022 Year in Review

So in July of last year, we began producing How to Make a Literal Cat in your Favorite RPG. Technically it began in April, but we started putting out episodes in July. And technically the pilot was recorded 2 years prior when I thought I'd be producing the show alone with guests whenever I could find them, but anyway! I thought I'd put together a little year in review for the show!

According to Acast's analytics, from the moment I put up the teaser on July 8 to ll:59 on December 31st, episodes were downloaded 249 times!

Episodes were downloaded an average of 12 times the week they released.

Our most popular episode was Episode 9 - Immortalizing an Old Friend as a Monstrous Hunter in Monster of the Week (Feat. @colinmparker), which was downloaded 20 times in its first week!

Our overall most downloaded episode was the Pilot - Making a Roguish Team Mascot in Dungeons and Dragons, which was downloaded a total of 29 times.

The most-used listening service is Apple Podcasts, which saw 51 downloads last year. According to Apple Podcast Connect, the most popular episode was the first 1-Page One-Shot Lightning Round. However, it says over there that the episode was downloaded more times than Acast says it was listened to, so one of them is lying to me.

What's in Store This Year?

I hate to just say we're hoping to grow the show, because that's a goal that's largely beyond our control. So I won't say that. Instead I'll just tell you some stuff we can control that we hope to do this year:

Get either a Ko-fi or Patreon started. (Actually, the reason that hasn't already happened is because we're trying to work out a potential long-term collaboration with @readysetfire123 and that's literally all we know about it at this point)

Create a better sharing/discussion resource for our character sheets than a simple Dropbox. I've thought about starting a wiki but, uh, don't want to put that on Fandom for hopefully obvious reasons. (excessive ads and discrimination)

Have one guest on every month. After the past two months of having a guest on for nearly every episode, with 2 more guest appearances happening in January and one already lined up for February, we can say that it's a ton of fun to have guests on all the time but it's also a lot of work to coordinate and execute. Once a month, though, seems doable in terms of both scouting guests and managing a recording/editing schedule!

So anyway, thanks all who were here with us for our first year. Hope you stick around for year 2!

[megareader93-aka-composcreator]

MY FUTURE HERE

As some of you already know, my alternate blog on this account for at least 7 years was terminated this morning with no real warning. Not even shadowbanned as a warning or anything like that just completely terminated! And the thing is, over the last few years having that blog has been really helpful.

Now, I did create another alternate blog that's also DxD based on this account a while back. TLDR, trying to see if posting stuff with a different blog on the same account would make it show up in the search results. Did not work, and I did not have the mindset to delete that blog. Now, I could just start over with that, but don't exactly want to risk this account getting deleted all together.

I first got this tumblr account nearly 10 Years ago after discovering this website had lots of fanart and wanted to save them without downloading them. I started with just this blog here, and I named it this way because that was my mindset at the time. Heck, I never changed the Icon or Backround on this blog since I created it. That's how old this blog is. And I don't want to lose it. It has been a place where I can share my fandom thoughts easily and freely.

Then I discovered the lewd side of things and boy oh boy did I fall hard down that rabbit hole!! Yes I realize this is an innuendo, but no I won't change it. Anyway, I remember enjoying SFW and NSFW stuff here with ease and really getting into roleplaying! Trust me when I say my earlier stuff was different. I was much more active back in the day with creating Starters and Monthly Themes and all that stuff. And back then it was more for fun and to release my libido while remaining single for life (lol). But now, doesn't look like I can do that.

If i do decide to get back into the NSFW RP game, it would have to be through another account. And some of you might recall I tried that a couple of years ago, did not last long. I do run into that risk again, but not sure I want to risk losing this account all together and my tumblr connections I have made.

Of course, there is the alternative of me going back to using Discord to RP, but we'll see how things go.

More importantly, I appreciate the support I have been receiving here both with this matter and other personal matters that I have shared on this site. And I don't want to lose them. If if means giving up part of my lewd fun, then maybe it's something I'll have to do. Heck, maybe i'd be able to write more if I did that lol. Anyway, thank you.

Any feedback you have to give will be greatly appreciated. I put these parts in bold for those who just want to skip around without reading my entire post cause I will admit it's a bit long. Again, any thoughts on what I should do next would be great.

[glitt3r-litt3r]

hi! i'm doing a presentation on the impact and community of tumblr for my media studies final and i wanted to reach out to my mutuals and fav blogs with some questions that relate to my topic. i would so totally love and appreciate if you could answer some of these for me.

it would be so totally rock and roll and awesome and amazing and i'll literally love you forever and ever and ever! :)

thank you thank you thank you!!!!

the questions(i know it's a lot, i'm so sorry):

1. how is tumblr different from other social media platforms?

2. how has the tumblr community affected you as a person/online presence?

3. do you feel more inclined to post more personal or private aspects of your life and or opinions on tumblr rather than other apps? as in do you feel you are less likely to be judged on tumblr than other platforms?

4. what are your favorite aspects of tumblr?

5. what would you do if tumblr got shut down?

6. what are some things that only tumblr bloggers would know/understand?

or

7. are there certain traditions on tumblr that you think other media sites wouldn't understand?(an example being our site wide celebration of the ides of march)

8. what are some of the largest fandoms/inner communities on tumblr? are you apart of these fandoms/communities? if yes, what is that like for you?

9. do you find tumblr to be educational in terms of academics? among other things such as politics and general life experiences?

10. all in all, how has this app changed your perspective on social media, the world, your life, and so on.

11. why do you think people should download tumblr?

12. what's your favorite and least favorite part of being on tumblr

please add anything else you find to be important!!

HiHi!! of course i can help <3

1. One key difference i've found from Tumblr vs other apps is the kind of niche community finding. When I first joined Tumblr it was because I knew there were ways to find exactly what I was looking for which was at the time for fandoms that i participated in. I wanted character analysis, fanfiction, discourse on the themes. On Tumblr I don't feel inclined or forced to share like I do sometimes on other social medias and I really enjoy the way reblogging works here! Being able to add onto a persons thought with your own has been super fun and cool.

2. So there's two kind of answers for this. The online community as a whole is very intense for people and I find that Tumblr has lessened that pressure by allowing this sort of allowing me to share my thoughts under categories that make sense. I think it's also helped my writing skills because as everyone who follows me knows I write fanfiction duhh!! But the kind of writing I see here, the critique/praise I get, even just asking followers what they want to read makes me a better writer.

3. Definitely feel more inclined to share some stuff like my opinions on certain aspects of media. Also it's great for being anonymous because unlike instagram that's used to connect "people you know" I use Tumblr to exist with people I don't know as we engage in whatever we like which is part of the allure. If i wanted to be known on here I could but the fact that it's not forced is nice.

4. Art, fandom, memes. People are hilarious and I get to see it and giggle. I also love the ways we get to interact around movies/books/shows almost like everyone's already friends.

5. die. or something less dramatic like be really upset and long for the days which I could use Tumblr freely.

6. The importance of support through reposting/reblogging people's works. This site isn't instagram or tiktok, liking something isn't enough for artists/writers to get recognition on here. Reblogging opens up their art to an entirely different community than if it just remained on the original persons blog.

Another thing I'd like to mention is that there's definitely bad stuff on Tumblr it's not a perfect site at all. I've seen some really terrible discourse from some chronically online people that made me feel like my brain was gonna leak out of my ears lol. Good thing is, I scrolled away and it didn't cause real harm because I have media literacy and can understand when someone's wrong vs just hurts my feelings.

I love Tumblr a lot, she's like an old friend to me and I hope I don't ever lose that feeling.

[purity-in-heart]

What Medias/Fandoms do you Think Could Use or Needs More Cardiophilia Content to Come From It

Cardiophilia is popular... among cardiophiles. It's not really the most popular fetish for some reason, at least that's what I've heard. As a member of this community, I've often thought how some fandoms and such that I'm that apart of and enjoy could use more cardiophilia content to come out of it, like art, comics, fanfictions, etc. - fanmade content. I'm sure I'm not alone in this, the interest in certain characters from other medias being put in a cardiophilia kinda situation or something.

Just for the hell of it, I guess, I'm gonna list some medias and etc. that could use more of such treatments, generally speaking. I'll list some of my ideas and update the list on occasion, however, I'd like all of you to share your thoughts/ideas, too, which I'm more than willing to add to the list. So far I currently only have anime coming to mind, but you don't have to specifically name anime, yourselves - Other platforms and whatnot are, of course, allowed. I may add them to the list, as well as more sections for your ideas to be listed under.

Sharing why is optional.

And one more thing, in case people miss what I'm talking about: When I say 'content', I mean stuff made by fans, like fanfics, comics, art, etc., nothing official from the authors or anything like that.

Anime

Fairy Tail: Putting aside the lovable characters that are featured, among other things, there's a lot of heart-related stuff, with more or less of them being suggestions that involve the heart. Honestly, some scene have made me wonder if Hiro Mashima, FT's author, is a cardiophile.

My Hero Academia: My Hero Academia almost entirely consists of adored and well-designed characters. One character who comes to mind more than others when thinking of the need for more cardiophilia-themed stuff is Kyoka Jiro. Her Quirk, Earphone Jack, allows her to plug the jacks from her ears into surfaces to listen, but what makes Jiro stand out is her ability to utilize her heartbeat with soundwaves. Sometimes Quirks in-universe also seem to affect someone mentally, so I'm sure you can understand how surprised I am to see how little cardiophilia anything there is out there, as Jiro could be portrayed as a closet cardiophile.

The Dragon Ball franchise: You might be a bit surprised to see this listed, you're probably not interested in stething most characters. But there are some who could be put in more cardiophilia content, most notably the female characters, such as Android 18, Bulma or Android 21. My Hero is more lacking in cardiophilia content than Dragon Ball - I have seen some stories but they're either lacking in number, in varieties or both.

Video Games

Minecraft: Yep, that's right, you read it correctly. I said Minecraft. Though you're not gonna find me or really a lot of people looking up Minecraft fanfics featuring Steve x Alex or Herobrine or a popular MC YouTuber. The only things I have in mind, really, when it comes to 'Minecraft Cardiophilia' is either animations or a cardiophile mod for Minecraft - A concept which I honestly believe would be enjoyable and all around worth playing with. If there's anybody out there who's a cardiophile and knows how to make Minecraft mods, it'd be pretty damn cool if you considered the idea of making a cardiophile mod I can one day download and install.

THIS LIST WILL BE UPDATED

[yourlunarspice]

4, 18, 20 :)))))

4. Do you write in public? Like where people can see your screen?

Yeah! I write pretty much wherever the inspiration strikes. More often than not, I'd write while in class (when I was back in college). Sometimes I even wrote smut! (My poor Christian schoolmates, if they ever realized 😅)

My way to get past people reading what was on my screen was to download a strange font and memorize how it looked. I can read it easily because of how long I've been using it, but it's difficult for anyone else to read it!

As an example, here's a teaser for the story coming out on May 29th:

Side note: the first person to tell me exactly what this quote says will be rewarded with being able to read the rest of the fic before everyone else!

18. If you could steal one fic from any other writer and claim it as your own, what would you take?

This is such a hard question! There are so many great stories that I wish I'd come up with/had the talent to write. If I had to choose one, I think I'd choose either Violent Delights or The Seer.

I think I've talked about Violent Delights here before, but it's villain!Mic and villain!Zawa with such a tragic backstory! I've read and reread this story so many times. It's explicit erasermic, but it's so, so good!

The other story isn't bnha, but it's one of my favorites! It's a Lord of the Rings-esque, fantasy, video-game story centered around aged-up Phineas and Ferb, of all fandoms 😅. I don't normally watch/read stuff for this show, but this story... Whew! It was such an adventure! Phineas is a reluctant hero who feels like he's facing this great evil, helpless and alone despite being surrounded by his group of friends. Also, there's a ton of whump!

I have albums on my phone for both of those stories because they're both so good and I wish I could take the credit for either of them, but they're both too good for me to take credit for 😅.

20. You have to choose one of your works for a cherished relative, teacher, guardian, etc. to read. Which one do you send them?

This has happened before! A lot of my fics are 'problematic', to say the least. The ones that don't contain gore/angst, contain smut, and the ones that don't have smut have gay pairings, so I can't really send any of those to any of my family at all.

The one story I sent to my grandmother is called "Quiet Day" and it's about Hizashi taking a personal day where he doesn't want to talk. She didn't understand the character/bnha elements, but she thought that the story itself was done well. I think that's probably the tamest story I've written!

Thanks for the ask, Llyn!

In response to this ask.

[moinsbienquekaworu]

And I did the stats! I'm absurdly proud of my little digital fanfic library but it's basically a history of the fanfic I've been reading since I discovered fandom, so I'm putting the graph and more explanations under the readmore, in case you don't care/don't want to see which weird ships I like/used to like (since I won't be tagging the post because I don't want that in the general tags). Proceed at your own risk!

Okay! So. First off, I've had that collection for almost five years now I'd say, I don't have the oldest dates but that's when I started discovering fandom. I started downloading fics to be able to read on my phone even when I didn't have an internet connection (and downloading fics from FFNet wasn't the easiest), and then when I started using AO3 I thought I'd get the fics I liked in case they disappeared or something. They're all epubs and I can make annotations in my ereader app, which is also pretty cool (my 'copies' of Cambiare Podentes or Pacify are full of notes from multiple rereadings throughout the years and that's very fun) In total I have 1311, which is a respectable number I think.

All the smaller folders - anything 15 fics or less - are mostly old fandoms for which I never read a lot of fic. There are separate Harry Potter and Star Wars folders because those are for gen fics and the ship folders are for, well, ship fics. Fandoms like Sherlock, OFMD or Gravity Falls don't have separate ship folders because they're either 90% ship or gen fics, and a folder for a few gen/ship fics would be useless. The 'originales' folders are original fic, with a PWP variant because sometimes you want to peruse the SFW folder and not the smut one or vice-versa. The older folders are probably the Drarry or Snarry ones, as well as the Sherlock and the Originales ones, because they're the ones with fics in french in them and I stopped reading fic in french years ago to pivot entirely to english.

As for analysing this: I knew what the results would look like, because 1) it's my collection I know what I read and download and 2) I regularly sort the fics I download in those folders, and every time I check the numbers just as a curiosity, but there still was a surprise or two. Notably, the OFMD folder compared to the Obikin folder, because I started reading OFMD fics literally less than a month ago (may 11 to be precise) but I've been reading Obikin fics for close to a year now. Also now that I'm thinking about it my numbers are wrong I know I put a gen fic in the Obikin folder and I didn't go back to put it in its proper folder yet, so it really is the same number of fics, which I wasn't expecting. I also keep thinking the Gravity Falls and Drarry folders are going to be bigger, but no, they're not (especially not the Drarry one, I stopped shipping that and reading fic for it years ago when I got into Snarry) Obviously this makes my OTPs clear, they're the ones I have more fics for (the Sherlock folder is mostly Johnlock and the OFMD one is mostly Blackbonnet, of course). I do find it funny I have more original smut fics than Tomarry and Harrymort combined, but that makes sense too. I gotta say, I have no idea what all the HP gen fics are, because that's a fandom I read mostly ship fics for and almost nothing else, so I don't know where those came from, as opposed to the SW ones (it's because I like fluffy Jedi bonding stuff). The Snarry folder wins - well, everything, but more specifically on top of having the most fics in it, I know without needing to check that it's the one with the most words in it, because it's the one with the most longfics in it: if you just count Pacify and Cambiare Podentes that's already a good million two hundred words, and then there's the fics I have doubles of, all the longfics...

By the way this is the wrong place to put it but I find it fascinating how different fandoms write different formats: I can give you like, 2-3 Obikin long chaptered fics, same with Kylux (most of which I didn't read because they weren't my style, sorry that one aviator Kylux and Lex Talionis I just can't) but for Johnlock or Snarry I could give you a list and still forget some I've read. I don't know if it's the size of the fandom or the age or something but that's fascinating. If that wasn't so long a process and it was useful, I'd write down all the fics I have, their titles and wordcount and fandom, that could be really interesting... but only for me because that would be pretty biased. I mean, I tend to gravitate towards longfics and that's the fics I'm more likely to download, so yeah.

Anyway I think that was a nice ramble, if someone read all this I love you, when's the marriage?

[just-oki-doki]

hi!! so I was inspired by your incredible positive vibes on this blog, and was wondering if it would be okay with you if I made a blog to do pretty much the same thing as you - like reblog ddlc art and make positive comments and stuff? I totally get it if that's your thing, but uh, I guess I just thought i'd ask! i love what you do! have a good day/night~

I really appreciate the sentiment in your question- but honest to god I hold no monopoly/trademark or any other nonsense on what I do here so I’m by no means some authority you must ask first, GO FOR IT :D

Thinking aloud- just about anyone would know the fandom could use another voice seeing as I’m not nearly as active as I once was (broken record)- and anyone could admit that’s true of just about any fandom, or art in general, or life in general etc.

I really hope you enjoy giving a blog a shot!

Have fun with it, and just do what you enjoy in terms of what you reblog or the tone you decide to set.

A few recommendations that you by no means need to follow:

~ Downloading xkit can help loads with making tumblr easier to navigate for running such a blog, I recommend things like “classic search”, “Tag Tracking”, and “Activity +” from the xkit addons, then add #DDLC , #Doki Doki Literature Club, and whatever similar tags you think are worth checking to your tracked tags.

At my highest point the blog used to maintain a 100% uptime on both those tags, scouring every post put in those tags each morning and evening so that I went roughly 3 months or more without a single post sneaking past me. That’s ludicrous, exhausting, and not great for you- so don’t repeat my mistake without help- just follow some tags and reblog what you like!

~ USE YOUR QUEUE. By no means necessary, but lord does it make life simpler. Add all your potential posts to your queue and set it to post however many you feel comfortable with daily over the course of the entire day. Completely unnecessary, but it’s nice to run a blog that can gather a backlog of posts that will slowly come out over the next few days as opposed to just mass dropping posts once every few days.

Again, unnecessary, no one cares, it’s no law, it’s just a matter of livening up your blog for followers.

~ I would argue the most important person for a blog like this one will be, and always will be, the artist. The followers are nice, fantastic even, I love them and adore getting to talk with them from time to time- but the reason I do what I do is to tell the ARTIST what I think. Sometimes this means my posts are boring to an outsider, but that’s fine. Because of this the entire “queue” system is entirely optional because if you decide to ignore that and just post like 30 things in a half hour and then take a long break for a week, your followers might be lost but the artist you intended to tell your thoughts is pleased either way- so don’t stress on how you run the blog~

~ It’s helpful to practice finding reposters. With enough time invested it gets a heck of a lot easier- but you won’t be perfect and don’t worry about it too much. But some helpful tips on that-

-- Look for posts with #My Art or similar tags, those are used more often by legit artists than reposters because most reposters aren’t trying to claim they created the piece- they are just being lazy and posting things they like with no respect to the original artist (basically just dragging a bunch of downloaded pics to their tumblr with no regard to who made them), so #My Art is a nice green flag saying “This is mine! Please reblog!”

-- Check for a watermark or signature- a lot of artists sign their work and if the sig doesn’t match the blog, double check the blog to see if they identify as the name signed or if they are just some reposter, it takes very little time (just read their blog description and if it feels sketchy give it a pass)

-- I’d recommend 100% of the time giving the potential artist’s blog description a glance no matter what. It takes 2 seconds and it can confirm whether they are the creator or not 99 out of 100 times. Some blogs just have descriptions like “Jpg.meme” and you notice that they just repost other people’s stuff all day with no credit given, and it’s a waste of time to reblog from them. Now going that extra mile to find the OP, that’s pretty cool to do- but that’s up to you and sometimes it’s borderline impossible (A lot of great artists use other sites and don’t post their work here- meaning the reposter is the only “source” so you just have to shrug and let it pass after [hopefully] sending the OP a message alerting them to the situation on their social media of choice)

~ I PUT A LOT OF IMPORTANCE AND EFFORT INTO PREVENTING PROPAGATION OF ART THEFT BUT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO. I know I made it seem like you have to but really, you don’t. I’d appreciate anyone starting up because of my blog to at least avoid propagating it, but you don’t have to go above and beyond to send messages, hunt down the artist, or any of that nonsense. I’d just appreciate if you think the poster isn’t the artist- don’t give them false attention, that’s all, and if you make a mistake then it’s literally 100% okay, you’re not the reposter in that situation, you were simply fooled which is fine.

~ Really just have fun. Blog when you want to, take a break whenever, stop when you feel like it- but I want to thank you just for having the thought to start such a thing :)

It’s such a kindness to dedicate some effort to spreading some appreciation and I appreciate YOU for doing that. Have fun and maybe don’t take it as seriously as I do lol :P

[mfackenthal]

I wish they made Duke a Leo like in Rules of Engagement and The Royal Romance ugh I hate how they don't do certain stuff like that (I sent the ask about what Duke should have been Like) but then I'd have to see all the posts complaining about two female LI and three male LI. Romance fans can never enjoy books in this choices fandom 😡

Hi Nonny,

I’m so sorry, but I just saw this and I have no idea when you sent it.

The fandom is a funny place - many people here feels comfortable speaking their mind (yay! ;) ) but often those minds are unhappy (sad :( ).  This means that it definitely seems like everyone is unhappy all the time.  Of course, we all know that we can never make everyone happy all the time - not possible.

But come on over - tell me your thoughts - I’m happy to hear them.  I’ll support you whenever I can.  If you want some Duke fanfiction - I am SURE I can find someone who would be willing to write that for you.  When PB fails you in their romance options - we can right those wrongs here. 

Let’s face it, choices does have some troubles when it comes to equality - whether that be gender, racial, or sexuality.  I believe many of the disparities come from a capitalistic theory that essentially says, “you make the most money on hetero story lines featuring a white female MC - so you should make more of that so that you can make more money.”  All the while this same theory tends to ignore the very simple math built into the reality that most of the current options feature a white female MC in a hetero relationship so that makes the most money as that is what has the most options. 

That being said - you want more Duke, you want more male options - nothing wrong with that as long as you don’t tell those who want more female options that their opinion should be quieted.

As for Duke - maybe they’ll work that in for the next book.  We’ve grown to care for the daughter and maybe we’ll find we think her father is now cuter?  (Especially after his QEftSG make-over ;) )

As always, I love that you stopped by, Nonny!

~MFackenthal~

Also, dear Nonny but maybe not the same Nonny, on my computer at work using Firefox there is no way to tag this post with hashtags.  I can’t really download additional software on to this computer ... but I’ll try to do most of my commenting from mobile.  Luv ya!