#I told myself I'm not gonna screen record anything cause I have way too much shit I haven't posted yet...but

[casperghosty]

I can't get over how Link says "Good Boy" 🫠🥵😳

[captainshazamerica]

If this Bruce doesn't adopt Tim I will! But I'm kinda scared for Tim I mean he's either gonna end up with Buce or the titans at some point, im afraid that something terrible is gonna happen his family and then titans/bruce takes him in? That boy loves batman and robin so much like even his family seeing the news knew how much it would upset him although I will say that for the brain that kid has he makes some pretty stupid decisions, hes driving around GOTHAM plastered in the bat-symbol that's not a good idea! the amount of lunatics that roam free in Gotham (and possibly have escaped from arkham) and hate the bat and hes driving around with the bat symbol on him KID be careful!

Some kind of Anti-fear toxin does seem more accurate cuz he's clearly taking something to not be afraid. Maybe it's something he found in Gotham and decided to try it and got addicted so he's using that lab place to try recreate it? and maybe he can't recreate it perfectly cuz in the crowbarring scene he seemed kinda anxious about his surroundings and he'd just taken that inhaler thing to overcome fear so I dunno?? Or maybe he went to arkham to see Crane for some reason and Crane has orchestrated the whole thing and told him about the drug but then wouldn't Crane have to know everyone's identity then? Dude I dunno I need more episodes even tho the low quality glitchyness is painful lol

There's probably an abundance of rooms to choose from at Wayne manor yet Jason takes Dicks old room and keeps the flying graysons posters up! I like to think that he does view dick as an older brother and just took his room to kind of have a connection to him and that he admires him hence the graysons posters being left up, yooo dick calling him his brother! I really want a nice family reunion with dick jason and bruce 💕

Babs was too mean to bruce when she went off like I get where she's coming from but yo lady his son just died dial it down like a notch yikes but also babs being like 'i wonder how long it'll take for bruce to replace jason and dick is all 'what no the last thing bruce is gonna do is rope another kid into this mess'. Cut to scene of Bruces potential robin folder 😅 but I also like that dick was trying to be considerate and compose himself for bruce but once he found out that bruce is idiot enough to pull another kid into this, that that's when he got mad and bruce so brokenly begging dick to come back and be robin 😢😢😢

I know the show is constantly trying to push bruce out/sideline him cuz it's a titans show not a bruce wayne show and I know they're going for a different portrayal of bruce which I'm not complaining about I do like this version of bruce (more than I thought actually) and this universe but I feel like they could have gave more cracks you know, I like that they showed him trying to avoid the reality of jasons death and just not stopping not even for a second and just immediately jump into another case and that breakdown verge where he's begging dick to be robin and then when he finally I guess let's the weight of jasons loss sit on him to the point where he whacks in jokers head with a crowbar just like he killed jason (he could have killed joker so many other ways like a less violent bullet to the head but oh no brucey crowbars him to death!!)

There's a lot of character stuff that i do like but that scene where he's in the cave on his knees scrubbing his sons blood out of the suit he died in, the suit that he only ever wore because of batman. 😢 I feel like they could have had him crack there and let out a gut wrenching scream and then just continue on doing what he was doing as if nothing happened and dick walking in on that should have had more of a reaction!? like he could have stopped in his tracks at the sight of his brothers blood all over his father and bruce screaming, dick could have like took a step back almost like he's gonna run but forces himself to stay there, because who wouldn't want to run from that and no matter how much horrible things you've dealt with before sometimes your brain does just take over against your will and makes you react, the rest of the scene just could have played out the way it did. Literally one ounce more emotion is all I wanted.

No one really emotionally cracked at jasons death. I get that it just happened and that people put walls up and denial can be such a prominent thing when a loved one dies but it couldn't have been that difficult to put in little mannerisms now and again to show that everyone is deeply hurt but holding it in. Honestly gar seemed more hurt to me than dick did. But I do like that dick reacted in detective mode and started trying to figure things out from jasons side so at least there's that.

This redhood is defo not an anti hero he has well and truly landslided into villian territory and I dunno how that's gonna be reconciled? they better not kill him off! and they better not just straight up keep redhood/jason as a full on villian! but if they do get through to jason and bring him back a little how the heck is that little man gonna deal with what he did to Hank?? I feel like they had a bond you know and for all Hanks talk about putting Jason down I really don't think that Hank would actually have killed him even if it came down to Hanks life vs Jasons I think Hank would rather die than kill Jason (but that's heavily biased cuz in my mind jason is my son and I freaking love hank sooo) but Hank to me puts on a hard front like 'yeah I'll get in your face I'll come at you b*tch' but internally he's like 'yeah I'll come at you to help you' 😅 like internally he defo has a lot of soft spots though that's not to say he'd be like this for someone like the joker or scarecrow or whatever guys like that he'd be like no screw you you die or go to arkham like byeee

Nevermind how jason is gonna come back from this though HOW IN THE ACTUAL SH*T is dawn gonna come back from this!!?!!

Random side note here but imagine Jasons first time in the batcave he would be so excited and trying to mess with everything and being like ohh what's that do and pressing random buttons and bruce having a hernia trying to get jason to stop before he accidentally blows the cave up 😅 also he has probably been caught several times trying to 'borrow' the batmobile, I can just picture him trying to sneak down the halls of the manor without the floor creaking and making it all the way into the cave and doing a victory dance cuz he didn't get caught and he hops on into the batmobile in his pj's and let's out a scream cuz alfred is sitting in the freakin passenger seat waiting for him and then they just hang out in the batmobile alfred had the good foresight to bring a flask of tea books and a blanket for jason

Speaking of Alfred I think it would have been more angsty and hurtful if Alfred died shortly after Jason and after a few days Jason claws his way out his grave and the first thing he sees is Alfreds headstone and that's how he finds out Alfred died : (((

This is so long girl I'm sorry I know it doesn't seem like it but I did restrain myself 😅 one more thing before I go maybe this Dick is the absolute worst mf and the reason babs feels betrayed by him and is so upset with him could be that he left her (or cheated on her) with Dawn cuz of that weird flashback thingy in the other season where dick dawn was a thing I dunno I hope not though that would be ughhh

Oh crap, you right about probably something bad will happen to Tim for Bruce or Titans to take him in, I was gonna say he could just demand to be in their lives to save Bruce/Dick like in the comics but he also has kinda shitty parents normally and these people seem cool so really it could go either direction, but like it’s Titans so it doesn’t look good lol. Also, I wonder if it’s gonna be Dick who is basically gonna adopt him this time since we already had a huge track record in just 2 seasons lmao. But I know right, true I like how his parents knew immediately how much the news would effect him 😭 I hope he goes down the making himself robin and forcing himself in Dick and Bruce’s life xD I love that route. Lmao, the kid is all book smart, very little street smart when it doesn’t have to do with outsmarting someone XD

I was also rewatching and that gas he takes def has to be some anti fear toxin cause he mentions fear so many times and flash backed to his near death fall, which he felt was probably holding him and back and thus had to prove himself and adds to whatever is influencing him. But ohhh he did seem pretty dang anxious at the carnival grounds, that’s a really interesting theory but recreating something he found hmm, I can see that.

Apparently according to a YouTube who got to see the first 5 episodes, we find out what his deal is a lot more in episode 5, so one more week hopefully

Brooo trueee, I couldn’t believe jason took dick’s room and like didn’t even change anything. Like Jason looks or at least use to look up to Dick SO much, like in his first episode in the first season, he went on quite a lot about how much he had always wanted to meet him and how much he looked up to him, which is probably also fueling his red hood rage, being hurt by your idol and brother like he did in S2 must have really just killed the boy. But yes omg, there freaking better be a dang family reunion scene like, after so much angst we deserve that 😭

And yesss, I loved seeing how mature Dick is getting and just how much he is growing as a character, the fact he was so calm and considerate with Bruce at first really shows that compared to s1 Dick, only breaking when Bruce tried to get more kids involved. That scene by Brenton was sooo well acted omg, the way he yelled that he doesn’t want to robin again, heartbreaking man. And Bruce begging like that omg

Yeah, this version of Bruce is def so different than any Bruce we have seen on screen before, like def the most emotionally constipated, and that’s saying something xD But I like how they are taking a risk, it also helps Dick’s character more and give him more of an arc, as he seems to be taking on Bruce’s normal role with Jason and red hood. Bro, you are so right omg, like the fact Bruce could have killed the joker in any way and he does it with the dang crowbar. It really shows how broken he really was and why the man shouldn’t depressing any and every damn feeling and emotion lol.

Omg, I love how you have the exact details of what you wanted to happen in that one Bruce and Dick scene 😂👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 bro if you dont already you should totally write fanfics cause that was so detailed, I love it

Yeah, I do wish someone cracked (other than Bruce lmao) a bit more, but I do think each character reacted in character though, like it is very Dick(at least this version of Dick, other versions may break down tbh) to put everything into solving the case and figuring out what was up, that’s more this version’s way of caring than just breaking down, like he rarely ever has broken down completely. I think dawn could have been a little more emotional about the death (tho she has enough coming for her lmao). Connor didn’t know Jason that well so it makes sense he would just be sad. Gar seemed pretty sad and in character about it, maybe could have had a bit more, same with Kori, tho she showed it by being almost angry and fiercely protective of everyone else, so I think that makes sense for her. It would have been interesting to see how Rachel and Rose would have reacted though (where did rose go btw?! She would so have a reaction to Jason’s death). But yeah, i wish there was more resolution and break downs for Jason, but also it may have just not felt real since they weren’t there? But I agree

You think? Idk, I think they could def still make him an anti hero towards the end, especially if it’s crane behind the whole thing. Cause if they don’t they are gonna have to go down the gosh awful overused villain gets redeemed while he dies/only to die right freaking after , and I will be so freaking livid if they do that omg. Like they better freaking not. But true, he would be broken by what he did to Hank, oh yikes. But I can see him then that leading to the anti hero path, like he would never go back to be on the titans cause he would feel too guilty, thus giving more of a reason for the anti hero life. But I know, I loved Jason and Hank’s love hate relationship 😭😭😭😭 You know Hank secretly loved the kid and probably saw himself in him.

Yikes poor dawn, you right. Like I have no idea how she is gonna be now like wow.

OMG GIRL, You are on a hc angst train today!!!! That scenario of Alfred dying right after jason and Jason climbing out to see Alfred’s?! Heartbreaking!

But I can’t believe they killed Alfred off so casually tho😭

Omg I swear if they freaking show Dick having cheated on Babs I will be so freaking pissed omg, he better have not! Im hoping they had a more high school romance thing/grew up together then got together type of thing

And omg don’t apologize I LOVED IT and reading your asks!!! I feel ya too!

[hearteyes-for-killmonger]

2. REBIRTH

Rule 1: The human whose name is written in this journal shall die.

This was someone's handwriting. Probably some bizarre joke or elaborate social experiment. "What the fuck is this," Erik mumbled in disgust staring at the words. Someone's sick sense of humor? He reclined in his leather chair waiting for someone to tell him he was being recorded. Looking at the office phone on his desk, he anticipated the ring. At any moment, Gloria would call up and he'd return the prop to whatever production, laughing it off while refusing to sign the release. He checked his watch. Any minute now. His fingers drummed on the desk in wait.

In the meantime, the first few pages of the journal had been ripped out. Whoever dropped this book had obviously taken out what they didn't want to be seen and they'd left instructions on the inside of the front cover along with some foreign symbols, symbols Erik had never seen before.

Rule 2: This entry will not take effect unless the writer has the person's face in their mind when writing his/her name. Therefore, people sharing the same name will not be affected.

"An elaborate prank," he mused. "Someone has way too much time on their hands." Flipping through the blank pages, he closed the journal and tucked it into his black Burberry London suitcase. Out of sight, out of mind. Reawakening his computer, he decided to split his new tasks into smaller responsibilities and divvy them out to his staff including the task of updating the user control panel for the network. He could be home in time to surprise Mika for dinner afterall.

🎶 I spent my whole life tryna make it, tryna chase it/ The cycle of a black man divided, tryna break it/ You take a loss, shit don't cry about it, just embrace it/ Minor setback for major comeback, that's my favorite/ My nigga L said, "You do a song with Nip, K. Dot he a better Crip"/ I said, "He a man first, you hear the words out his lips?/ About flourishing from the streets to black businesses?"🎶

Turning off the engine, Erik let down the garage door and exited the vehicle walking through the front door of his Rockridge craftsman home. "BABY," he called stripping off his black wool blazer to drape over his arm. Immediately he heard footsteps rushing in his direction before his woman appeared, colliding into his chest.

"Oh Captain, my Captain," Mika swooned. Her glasses were fogged and her auburn dreads were in a messy bun on top of her head. Her eyes were dewy and mildly pink. He shook his head, putting it together.

"Again?"

"It was either this or go to the protest and you forbid me to go. Besides, it's like therapy for me," she sighed. "Dead Poets Society and Good Will Hunting.. Don't look at me like that. I needed to be elevated! Too much bad news," she frowned. He knew exactly what she was feeling. He felt it too. He followed her into the kitchen where his plate sat covered in aluminum foil. It was still warm since he wasn't late like she'd expected. Kissing Mika on the forehead, he draped his blazer on the back of his chair and set the table, opening the bottle of Pink Moscato he'd purchased on the way home to pour two glasses.

"Tell me about this case."

"Well I told you about the police brutality. You've probably seen the hashtags by now. Erik? I wanted to cry. I took this job to stop shit like this and now it's happening right under my watch in my city. I knew that cop, Erik. And now when I look at him I wonder what that badge means to him--What mine means. Without it, would he shoot me like he shot that boy?"

Erik chewed silently, letting her question hang in the air. They both knew the answer, he didn't have to speak it and make things worse.

"I had a horrible case aside from that.. I've been trying not to think about it, but--" she sighed rubbing the deepening crease between her brows. "I saved a little boy today.. he was eight years old and now he has to go into the foster care system because his dad killed his mom and his sister. I-- I was too late to save them."

"You saved one and to that one, it makes all the difference."

"Now that we have the father in custody, he and his lawyer are claiming that the murders were due to a mental illness and he's got the prior diagnosis to support it. If he gets off in court because of this, I will scream. Erik, I will shoot him myself. He took a baseball bat to a child's head, Erik. A twelve-year-old girl."

Laying down his fork and knife, Erik stood walking around the table to squeeze and rub Mika's shoulders, smoothing out the balls of tension. Her head rolled and she exhaled, her body relaxing. His lips pressed gently into her jaw and he dropped to one knee, pulling her fork from her hand and grabbing both of her hands in his.

"Mika? You are great at what you do and no one could've done it any better. You saved a boy's life today and you didn't kill the other two, he did. That's on him, not you." He kissed her knuckles as her soft eyes gazed upon his. The rest of dinner went by with lighter conversation. He let her go on as long as she needed to talking about Robin Williams and his therapeutic presence in cinema and after doing the dishes, it was time to retreat into his office as was his usual routine.

He booted up his computer and logged into his emails. There were four new ones of importance relating to business. His work was never done it seemed. Reaching into his black suitcase, he pulled out a gold-colored flash drive, but paused when his fingers touched the spine of the leather journal. Who wrote this shit?

Rule 3:  If the cause of death is written within the next 40 seconds of writing the person's name, it will happen.

Rule 4: If the cause of death is not specified, the person will simply die of a heart attack.

Rule 5: After writing the cause of death, details of the death should be written in the next 6 minutes and 40 seconds.

He had to take it in. The cursive semed to be written in something similar to ink but not quite. "These dumbass rules." Imagine someone sane coming up with something as ridiculous as this.

The black pen on Erik's desk shined, daring him to pick it up as his eyes flickered between it and the blank page. Nah, Erik, chill. You buggin out right now.

Erik grabbed his computer mouse, clicking to wake the computer. Clicking onto his favorite internet browser, he typed in the name of the boy who'd been shot by the cop earlier in the day. Jayson Miller. Noting various tweets, posts, and videos, he paid especially close attention to the protest that was happening in the neighborhood. Police were lined up and it was a matter of time before the National Guard got involved. He searched to find the name of the cop who'd shot Jayson but his name was protected. He decided he'd watch through the videos instead. That didn't turn up much.

An idea struck him. He knew he probably shouldn't, but the fact that he could do it and get away with it made him do it anyway. From his computer, he dusted off his old skills from high school and early college, cracking into Mika's work assigned computer from his own. He was able to easily hack the police database and find the cop on duty when Jayson got shot. Picking up the pen, he jotted down the name.

Phil Mathers.

He'd seen the guy a few times himself. Phil seemed the type to do something questionable for a few bucks and a vacation. Reading the report written by Phil himself, it read like the typical "he had a weapon" rhetoric of fear. It was as good as an admission of guilt.

"Fourty seconds to die? We'll see."

He waited for the report to come of Phil's death. Anything. Then he realized, he probably wouldn't hear about it so soon. He decided to cruise the internet in search of another current crime before stopping short realizing the most obvious option. Holding his pen, he wrote the second name.

Ronald Clump

Counting down silently, he leaned back in his chair to watch his screen. He'd refreshed the page and clicked around about six times.

"Well, guess that settles it.. This some old bullsh-"

The President of the United States suffers a heart attack.  9:22 PM.

The pen dropped from Erik's hand rolling into the floor as he gaped at the screen. A quick search showed two more sources confirming that the president had indeed passed.

"What the fuck? Nah. No. This isnt real. That was a coincidence, his old ass was in his last days. No." Jumping up, he paced the floor in disbelief. "He was gonna die anyway, it wasn't me." Stroking through his beard anxiously, he looked over to the journal sitting open on his desk. It was impossible. It didn't make any sense. He had to try it again--just to see. Because no way did this old journal have anything to do with what just happened. That would make him a murderer.

One more time.

Shutting down the computer, he moved to the bathroom he shared with his girl, showering, brushing his teeth, and running the electric massager through his scalp. When he got to bed, Mika was sitting up watching a stream of the protest. He gently took the phone from her hand exiting the stream and placing the device on a charger. He could feel her annoyance. If she couldn't be at the protest, she wanted to at least see it to feel that she was there. "Give your mind a rest, Mika. You've consumed enough death and destruction for a day." That seemed to give her pause as her face turned thoughtful, a small sigh releasing.

"You're right," she conceded laying on her side. He climbed into the bed beside her, looking her in the eyes. "Erik, I'm tired."

"I know. So am I."

A kiss on her forehead led her eyes to shut and soon he felt that she'd drifted off to sleep. After fifteen more minutes, it was clear that she had. Lifting from the bed silently, he walked into the closet pulling a pair of North Face joggers and a matching hoodie. Over the hoodie, he wore a black North Face vest and and black leather Saint Laurent Lenny sneakers. The journal, he tucked into the vest with a pen clipped inside.

While Mika slept, it was time to put the journal to the test. He swept downstairs and through the front door pulling off in his matte black Audi R8. Destination: Fruitvale.

Tag list: @muse-of-mbaku  @goddessofthundathighs  @panthergoddessbast  @thadelightfulone  @misspooh  @marvelmaree  @youreadthatright  @forbeautyandlife  @theunsweetenedtruth  @bidibidibombaclaat  @myboyfriendgiriboy  @dameshaemonique  @blackpantherimagines    @vikkidc  @hidden-treasures21  @mysidefanting  @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat  @syndrlla97  @winteroflife  @thotyana-in-this-hoe    @texasbama  @gingerylimonte  @princessstevens    @magic-madness-heavensin  @wawakanda-btch  @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade  @wakanda-inspired  @blackgirloneshots  @thegucciwaffle  @thiccdaddy-mbaku    @purplehairgawdess  @indigoxsummers  @cccccx1    @dynastylnoire  @iamrheaspeaks  @blowmymbackout   @they-call-me-le  @theblulife  @raysunshine78  @sheisexcellent @fd-writes @soufcakmistress @ju5tp34chy

[becccaaawww1989]

*Long Post, But If You Like Reading Please Read*

So I've decided to take on a huge project that probably SHOULD have been done sooner, but I don't think COULD have possibly been done sooner. So here's the story and here's the project:

!STORY TIME!

I was a creative writing major in college... However, I have not written anything for a year, and the whole year prior to that, every time I sat down with a notebook or at the computer it was torture. I used to save my creative writing homework for last cause I knew I'd enjoy it, but my final year that wasn't the case. I was told in my creative writing classes that my writing - if it was good enough - would protect me. It would protect me from those embarrassing moments I was writing about, and from the anger of other people because when it breaks down to it, it's a story and we read for good stories. Well, that wasn't the case. My writing was good, and that wasn't the case. Rob was wrong. I was wrong.

Then enter two years of depression followed by anxiety. Pretty much convinced I had no support from anyone in my life and then at the same time my anxiety started making up conspiracy theories about myself... how convenient. I stopped going to church, I stopped really believing in God [like I KNEW, but like... do you even care? Clearly not, so why do I put my trust in you? Type thing]. Through a very emotional night I confessed what I had been holding in for months about my confusion, bitterness and anger to Evan and of course Evan suggested I start going back to church but I was so reluctant. I didn't want to, but any time I went with him I felt almost as if my body had been full of static (like TV static) before church, and after it was like living with a clear screen. I could breathe for a little bit.

So this one day, I am sitting at work, minding my own business and this little girl comes in and gets a french manicure. Conversations take off and she starts telling me how her Dad's a pastor and I started to open up a little bit about my story and my doubts and that I grew up in church yada yada yada. So she invited me to her church... and feeling like it was maybe God finally paying attention to me again, I went. And I continued to go for a couple of months. They were warm and welcoming and EVERYTHING I WANTED... but any time there were events, my schedule didn't match up and I started to think that even though Solid Rock was what brought me back into the habit of going to church, maybe that wasn't where I was supposed to be. Which sucked cause there were a lot of amazing people there.

So then this one day I was tapping through Instagram stories and my friend from freshman year of college had posted this quick story about the church she had started going to, 2|42. I sent her a quick message about what it was like, and she was happy to respond. I then texted Evan and said "we are checking out another church." I swear I could hear his eyes roll through the phone.

Showed up at 2|42 and it was kind of everything I wanted, but for the longest time couldn't find a way to connect so while I was still going to 2|42 I was looking around at other churches... being me and preparing for the future I was already thinking "okay, I want my kids to be able to be in JBQ and Missionettes..." but I felt God pull me back and kind of tap me on the shoulder and remind me that I don't know what the future holds or if I'm still gonna be around the area for that. I had so much else to worry about before I worried about JBQ for my currently nonexistent kids. So focusing on the now, I ended up staying.

In the meantime with all of this going on, (excuse the language, but I can't find a better way to describe it...) shit hit the fan in my own personal life. I was battling with my roommate pretty much almost on a daily basis, feeling left out - on purpose - belittled, ignored and I honestly don't know what I ever did to her. As well as the Gymnastics Club board was having issues and I cared way too much about them that their stubbornness and my will to fight for myself was causing issues. When it came to personal interactions between people I called friends, I knew that I was no longer this sweet innocent freshman, I had some dirt on my hands, blood on my face, and in a lot of ways I wasn't afraid to show it. Creative writing encouraged me to un-sensor my work, so you could say my vocabulary expanded. It taught me how to talk about things in my writing that I typically wouldn't talk about. Personal thoughts, experiences, family issues, fears, intimate conversations and connections with friends. But in most conversations it felt like I would have been more respected by the people that surrounded me in my everyday life, if I had just stayed sweet and innocent, and never stood up for myself... or had never even written at times. It was as if they respected me as a Christian when I was 100% all about Jesus all the time, but didn't respect me/my beliefs when I was struggling with my faith - which is a common thing to struggle with. It was as if loosing my innocence was what lost me respect which was strange because everyone else was allowed to lose their innocence and they were welcomed with open arms into the club of people that could earn the "Platinum Certificate of Depravity." So after a night at sidetracks, I said goodbye to Dave, told him I loved him and I remember closing the door that night and deciding I needed a break.

The weeks that followed were ones where I was realizing that if I wanted to keep my income (as a nail technician) I would have to retire from gymnastics. I could not pull out one final season. So the plan was to talk to the board and strike a deal to keep my position without doing gymnastics for one last year and see if anyone wanted to be "trained" to take it over from me. But if it hadn't been for a warning from a close friend, I would have been blindsided when told that the board had not only talked about it without including me or notifying me, but had also decided that in order to continue making the videos for the team for the 2018 - 2019 season and posting on the Instagram and promoting the club... not only would i be doing that for free, but I would also have to pay the FULL 210 club dues. Without doing any of the gymnastics that came along with it. Which was the reason we were all there to begin with. I wasn't going to pay to do a job I should be getting paid for, and I wasn't going to pay to record everyone doing things I wished i could still physically do... which by the way, sucks. So I quit right then and there, handed over passwords and walked away. I gave away most of my leotards a month ago. *Not belittling the club or the current board, I am just explaining my decisions and how it felt.*

But it really left me feeling alone. All I had was work, Evan and my roommates. However, 2|42 was promoting this thing called ROOTED. If you joined there was a chance you would become a small group afterwards, so after weeks of saying no, I finally said yes. The group was a total God thing, and tonight was the first night since quitting the gymnastics club and completely walking away from it that I felt like I was going to - in all aspects of my life - be okay.

So... with that being said, I have been thinking about it, and it is about to be a huge project. But I have gone through, removed all previous pieces of writing from my blog, it is currently "Under Construction". This will take MONTHS. But I have started writing again. It is darker, and heavier and not what one would expect. However, I want to show the transformation of my life through my writing. From the moments of lost friends, to realizing that I had lost them, to the issues that followed, with the loss of faith, to feeling - like I said - covered in dirt, scares, lies, pain, drama, ultimatums and the struggle between wanting to break away from it all and become someone or something else or becoming and embracing the person you are meant to be with all of your dirt all over you. Innocence gone, friends gone, yearly traditions gone, mock awards gone, potlucks gone, Halloween and Christmas parties gone, leaving group chats, exiting conversations... to this life that has gone from a bad reputation to someone who is reclaiming it. Surrounded to alone and from alone to surrounded. From unforgivable to forgiven. From supported to unsupported from writing stories to writing poetry, from innocent -> Guilty -> Forgiven and finally a story of life without God to a life with God.

I would really love the support from anyone who enjoys reading. You can follow the link and click on the follow button or (with that button) set up an email that will be linked when I first re-launch it. I will probably share this again, but I am really excited to "relaunch" something that has had such a negative impact on my life and turn it into something I am proud of.