#I wanna draw a proper illustration for her soon when I have more free time....

[amari-atelier]

This year I finally got around to entering the Snow Miku Contest!! This year's prompt was "Glitter Snow Material"!

The design I settled on is inspired by both Snow Globe Music Boxes (specifically the music boxes with ballerinas in them) and the Sugar Plum Fairy from The Nutcracker! Rabbit Yukine's design is inspired by the dolls at the start of the story.

Here's the piapro post!: piapro.jp/t/07m1

[casino-lights]

Kinktober, Day 1

So I saw my friend @pabstbeerpussy‘s Kinktober list and decided to try my hand at a proper Kinktober, which will also help me write this series of smutty oneshots for Staci and Sasha I’ve been wanting to make. NSFT, obviously.

Day 1: Phone Sex

She’s just falling asleep when the phone rings, that delightfully cheerful windchime sound she set as her ringtone stirring her from her spot curled up on the couch. She glances at the time before she answers - 2:38 a.m.

A thousand worries race through her mind, but when she checks her phone, it’s not the police or a hospital or her father. It’s Staci.

She answers hesitantly, voice still thick and drowsy. “Stace?”

“Hey, you’re awake.”

“Barely,” she mutters. “Something wrong?”

“Everything’s fine, I, ah… can’t sleep.”

Her brow creases with worry. “Is something bothering you?”

She hears a breathy chuckle before he speaks. “Something like that. Are you free?”

“Of course, it’s almost 3 am. It’s not like I have any appointments to keep.”

“No, no, I meant, like, are you tired?”

She stifles a poorly-timed yawn. “Mmm, no, I’m fine.”

“Good,” he says, voice low, “because I can’t stop thinking about you.”

She sits up straight on the sofa. “…Really?”

“Mm-hmm.” He exhales slowly, and dropping his voice to a husky murmur, he adds, “I really want you tonight.”

She swallows. “Staci…”

“I know it’s not our night,” he continues, “and I know it’s late, but—”

“I can’t tonight…”

“Give me something, Sass.” A beat. Then, gently: “Please. I’m not asking you to come over.”

“You’re not?”

“No.”

She clears her throat, and her toes curl over as she asks, “Well, then… what can I do for you?”

She can almost hear his smirk as he answers, “What are you wearing?”

“Staci.”

He laughs. “I know, I know… hmm… what are you… not wearing?”

“Mmm…” She bites her lip, then cautiously slips out of her underwear. “Guess.”

Staci hums eagerly. “Are you… topless?”

“Go fish,” she purrs as a smile creeps across her face.

“Are you… pantsless?”

“I don’t think that’s a word.”

“Whatever. Are you?”

“Maybe.”

“Are you… underwear-less?”

“Absolutely.”

A soft, choked noise filters through the phone.

“Staci?”

“Uh-huh…”

Her smile turns into a catlike grin. “Holding on, papi?”

He groans quietly. “For you, always.”

“Now… what aren’t you wearing?” she asks, reclining into a more comfortable position on the sofa. “Shirt?”

“Off.”

“Pants?”

“Off.”

“Boxers?”

“Definitely off.”

She closes her eyes and draws his body from memory. “Very good.”

“Are you thinking of me?” His voice is eager, asking for more. “Do you want me?”

She clicks her tongue slowly. “Ah, ah. You know how I feel about going too fast.”

He replies with a frustrated sigh.

“Go on,” she coaxes gently. “Paint a picture for me. Tell me what you’re doing. Tell me where your hands are.”

“I thought it was obvious,” he says with that familiar sarcastic edge to his voice. “Now, if you feel like speeding it up a bit…”

She rolls her eyes. “Why? Finished already?”

“Bored,” he corrects before giving a dramatic yawn.

“Play nice, or you’re on your own.” 

Dirty talk isn’t her forte, and he knows it. Whatever he’s expecting from her, she’s uncertain she can deliver.

On the other side of a short, painful silence, Sasha clears her throat and says, “What would you do to me if you were here?”

His bed creaks as he shifts his weight, his fingers twitching against the phone. “If I had you right now? I’d have my mouth all over you. Really make you work to cover up all the bruises you’d have tomorrow.”

“Oh? You want to mark me?” She draws her knees close and presses her thighs tight against each other. “You want everyone who looks at me to know you were here? To see that I belong to you?”

He groans faintly and sucks in a long breath. “Oh, fuck, say that again.”

“Hmm? Which part? The part where I belong to you?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Ohhh, you like that, do you?” Her eyes alight with desire as she shifts her hips in a weak attempt to soothe the arousal spreading throughout her body. “You like knowing you’re the only one who touches me like this, huh? You like knowing no one else could ever make me cum the way you do?”

“God, yes. Fuck, I want my hands on you right now.”

“Oh, papi,” she breathes, “I want your hands on me too. I want you to touch me over and over and over.”

His breath hitches and he swallows noisily, giving her an idea of how he’s doing based on their experience together. She can tell she’s definitely on the right track.

“I wanna see you in handcuffs,” he manages hoarsely. “I wanna hold you down and make you scream, just for me—“

“Only ever for you,“ she murmurs.

He stifles a moan and exhales roughly. “God, fuck, Sasha, I want you on your knees for me. I want my cock in your mouth.”

She can’t stop a soft whine from escaping her parted lips as her eyes flutter closed and she grinds her thighs together for some kind, any kind of relief. The sound triggers a matching whimper from him, and he takes a ragged breath before he hisses, “I know that sound. I know how wet you are. You want me now, don’t you?”

“I always want you,” she confesses. “You’re distracting in the worst way. Every time I see you in uniform, I think of what you look like underneath it.”

There’s a delicate rasp to her voice that he recognizes well, and it only serves to fuel him further. “You’ve got it bad,” he says with a husky laugh. “Are you touching yourself? You can’t resist, can you?”

Her fingers curl into a fist just before she reaches her slit, one last act of defiance before she gives in to her excitement. “Not yet.”

“You’re chewing your lip.”

She presses her lips together firmly. 

“Uh-huh,” he moans, “I know every inch of you, Sasha Whitehorse.”

Her heart thrums in her chest as her grip on the phone turns white-knuckle tight. “Sh-shut up.”

Breathing hard, he puts voice to his shuddering sighs. Between them, he says through gritted teeth, “Tell me… how much you want me.”

She gives in, and her fingers begin to work furiously on her clit. “I… oh, Staci, oh, Staci…”

His smile is nearly audible as he pants, “Good girl. Keep going.”

“I-I want you more than anything right now,” she gasps, her voice straining. “I… I…”

“Come on, come—“ he interrupts himself with a loud whine. “Fuck, come on, say it.”

She cries out as that sticky knot of pleasure tightens in her core. “Oh, Staci, I need you inside me, I want you to take me, make me scream—“

He cries out and shivers as he spills himself across his hand, trembling with the intensity. Slowly, his breath steadies, and he focuses raptly on Sasha’s stilted moans and choked sighs.

Mind filled with illustrations of Staci’s climax painted by his sounds of pleasure, Sasha isn’t far behind him in finishing. It takes only a few circles of her fingers, and soon enough her toes are curled, her eyes are squeezed shut, and her voice is trapped in her throat with only breath-caught gasps to signal to Staci that she finally came.

But as he said, he knows her, and he knows that she doesn’t cry out - she freezes in place with her lips parted and her muscles taut until the last wave washes over her. He envisions it with perfect clarity.

When she finally lets out a long, tired exhale, they both smile in unison and Staci chuckles self-consciously.

“So, yeah… we did that.”

“We did that,” Sasha repeats. “And we weren’t half bad at it, either.”

The nervous chuckle becomes a bark of laughter, and she’s soon laughing with him. A comfortable silence blankets them as they let themselves recover for a moment, content to listen to each other’s breathing until they’re ready to speak again.

Staci pipes up first. “I think I prefer it in person. It’s a lot more fun to mark you up.”

“And it’s a lot more work to cover the bruises,” she replies pointedly. “But… I think I like it more in person too.”

“Well, then… Friday, 10 pm? We still on, or did this, uh… throw off our schedule?”

She smiles, closing her eyes. “We’re on, but you’re coming here this time. Payback for keeping me awake on a work night.”

“I’ll take it,” he answers. “Night, Sass.”

“Night, Stace.” She hangs up and lets out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. It takes her a minute to really comprehend the fact that she just had phone sex for the first time in her life, but when she finally wraps her head around it, she finds herself laughing.

Yeah... we did that.

[apriumjam]

Satsuriku no Tenshi Light Novel Volume 1 - B3 (Part 3)

Satsuriku no Tenshi - Until Death Do Them Part - B3 (Part 3)

Story by Makoto Sanada, written by Chiren Kina, illustrations by Negiyan, translations by me.

If you want to help out with translations, feel free to contact me!

Prologue | B7 | B6 | B5 | B4 (Part 1 / Part 2) | B3 (Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4) | Zack’s Memory || Index

After a while of walking, the two of them suddenly come across a steep edge, about three-metres deep.

“The hell is this?”

“…”

Swallowing, the two come to a halt.

The ground below the edge is filled with spikes, and the other side of the dim room has been split into two platforms. One side is connected to the floor they stand on by a rope bridge; the other has a series of brilliantly gleaming, gravestone like objects leading to it, like a maze.

On the other side of the room is a large television screen, and one door on either platform. The room is designed so that if one were to slip or lose their footing on either of the paths, they would fall and become impaled on the dangerous spikes below.

“Hey, what are we gonna do?” The moment Zack starts speaking to Ray, sirens resound through the room. The woman appears on the monitor.

((Hiii! I’m impressed you came this far. As you can see, the floor there is filled with dangerous spikes, so, if you fall, you’ll immediately be pierced to death! The two platforms over there lead to different rooms. Though they are a little different…it doesn’t matter which path you choose!))

“A little different…?” Ray asks, inclining her head.

((I don’t have to explain that to you, do I?))

The woman asks, giggling to herself.

((Anyway…don’t you think it’s about time you two broke up? …Your promise is absurdly pointless. Since you’re going to die anyway, it seems like a pretty unfair promise…))

Ray spontaneously looks toward Zack. However, she can’t see his expression very well in the dim room – on top of the fact that his face is wrapped in bandages. The woman, looking at Ray’s trembling features through the camera, continues on nonchalantly.

((…Well, if you die, that ridiculous promise won’t come to fruition anyway. So come along to the next room and try your best, all right? I’m looking forward to seeing which one of you will be punished first!))

(Soon, I should be able to see something wonderful…)

And thus, the woman kills the feed as she always does.

(Pointless…)

Ray grits her teeth slightly. That word feels like it might steal away her hope.

“Talkin’ all in circles like that…when the hell can we get outta this place…? Ugh, I’m so damn pissed off! I wanna kill her already…!” Zack irritably fidgets with his legs, kicking at the floor.

“…” That word once again causes an enormous reaction in Ray, though it doesn’t show on her face. She feels that she wants Zack to kill her already. But the promise she made with Zack – means that they must get out of the building safely first.

(But it’s pointless…?)

“Hey, why are ya still spacin’ out?” Zack asks, his voice even more irritated than before as he looks toward the girl, who hangs her head silently.

“Zack…you have to make sure to kill me when we get outside. Not just that woman.” Ray wants to confirm that their promise isn’t meaningless.

“Aah?! That’s all ya talk about!” Zack clicks his teeth in annoyance as his brows furrow.

“…But, you don’t seem like you’re going to kill me,” Ray says in dissatisfaction, with that emotionless face of hers.

“Huh? It’s ‘cause yer makin’ that boring face! And anyway, the promise we made only matters if we get out!”

“…I know that.”

Ray’s voice falters slightly as Zack’s grows louder.

(I know, but…)

For some reason, Ray can’t even imagine being killed by him.

“If ya know that, then stop jabberin’ about boring things all the time. ‘N do somethin’ about that doll-like face of yours before we get out.” Ray looks as if she still wants to say something, and that makes Zack’s voice grow cold.

“…But.”

“But what?” Zack scowls at her.

“…”

Ray loses her ability to speak as he stares at her with those snakelike eyes.

“Ya know, a promise is a promise…but don’t order me around,” he says firmly, expression grim.

(Order…)

The soft and bitter phrase has Ray turning her gaze away quietly.

“…Okay. I’m sorry.” Now, she rather regrets being so insistent. Her expression turns disheartened. Though, she wonders why. It shocks her for Zack to treat her so coldly. Somehow, while traversing this building with him, Zack has become an existence who she feels would accept everything about her…though there is absolutely no logic or reason for this.

“…So, what are we gonna do?” He sounds apathetic.

“Um…I’ll go over the bridge, and you’ll jump across the stones. I don’t think I’ll be able to jump the gaps. And the rope here looks like it might break, so I think it’ll be best if I cross here.” After taking a deep breath, she’s able to calmly explain Zack what they shall do, just as usual.

“If we go separate ways, we won’t be able t’ go through the same door. Is that okay?”

“I don’t know…she said that the rooms are a little different. But she didn’t say how…”

“Well, either way, it’s prolly a trap,” the man grumbles.

“…Yeah.”

“What? Ya seem worried. You said that we’d take different paths, right? It doesn’t look like we can both go the same way, and we have to move forward anyway. So that’s all we gotta do, right?”

“I know that…”

“Haah…you’ve been makin’ a dumb face for a while now. Still got some of the poison in ya or somethin’?” He simply sounds irritated by her perceived ineptitude.

“I’m okay now.”

“Then what’s bothering you?”

“…Nothing. I’ll try. So – ”

“Ugh, I get it. I know. Ya want me t’ kill ya, right?” He interrupts her, staring directly into her dead eyes.

“…” Shocked, she grows silent. She hadn’t wanted to tell him to kill her. She had wanted to tell him that they would get out, together. But, if she thinks about it, perhaps telling him they would get out together, and telling him he would kill her, are the same thing.

“Anyway, don’t go gettin’ any weird ideas. Don’t die.”

“…Right. It’s okay. I won’t die.”

“That so. Whatever. I’ll go first.”

“Okay.”

Ray carefully crosses the bridge. It takes her a bit of time, but she gets to the other side safely. However, she still can’t see Zack on the other side.

(Zack still isn’t here…I wonder if he’ll be able to get across.)

In that moment, the large monitor displays Zack in the process of making his way to the other side.

(If I just jump far enough, I’ll be able to get across.)

Zack jumps lightly across the stones, making sure not to fall. However, the stones have been constructed like a maze, and it’s not that easy to get across. Before he knows it, he’s leaping aimlessly from one and the other.

“Damnit, how am I supposed t’ do this?”

He isn’t afraid – however, his vexation is steadily growing.

“Zack, go back.”

In that moment, he hears Ray’s voice from the other side of the room. It seems she’s gotten there faster than him.

“Aah?! Why?!”

“I can see you on the monitor. If you go this way, you won’t be able to get to the other side. Zack, just jump where I tell you to.” He’s simply stuck like this. That’s why Ray says this.

(…I told ya not t’ order me around.)

However, to Zack, this was not an especially attractive proposal. Unpleasant memories from his childhood come flooding back. He remains silent. He hates being told what to do.

“…Zack?” She thinks it’s strange that he doesn’t respond. Her head tilts in confusion. Ray has absolutely no intention of ordering anything of him. She simply wants to be useful to him.

“…Yeah, yeah, I just gotta go back.” Despite his anger, he does as asked.

“Okay. Once you go back, jump to the upper right. Then to the upper left…” Looking up at the screen, she gives him the proper directions of how to get to the other side of the room.

(…Aah, she’s just tellin’ me what t’ do.)

The vexation within Zack’s heart grows more and more virulent. He feels like Ray is treating him like her personal tool.

“Next, the lower right.”

In that moment, his rage becomes absolutely unbearable, and he can’t help but yell –

“Hey! I ain’t some video game character! Stop tellin’ me where t’ go!”

“But, I think it’ll be faster if I tell you…and if you don’t know how to get here, it’ll be a bit difficult…” A little surprise leaks into her voice as she protests. She has not even an ounce of ill will.

“It’s fine, there’s only a bit left.” Despite understanding this, he’s still angry. She might not be doing this out of malice, but he feels like he’ll go crazy if she keeps telling him what to do.

“…I see.”

(…He really is upset.)

Feeling a bit ill, she looks away from the screen.

▲▽

After getting to the other side safely, the two proceed through their own individual doors.

(…Huh?)

But they can still see each other. If not for the iron bars separating them as if to keep them from touching, they would be in the same room.

Ray meets Zack’s eyes. The look she sees in them reminds her of when she had first met him on B6 – it looks as if he wants to lash out, an irrational rage he can hardly contain.

“Zack, this room…”

Completely unafraid of that gaze, she draws nearer to him easily.

“Yeah…looks like we’re locked in, and the only stuff in here are these syringes. What’re we supposed t’ do? She tellin’ us t’ get high or somethin’? Hah.” His tone sounds vaguely desperate.

(Syringe?)

She looks around the room once more. In the centre of both their rooms is a table and a syringe containing some sort of drug. Carefully, so as not to touch the sharp needle, she picks up hers.

(…It’s real. What’s inside it?)

Holding it up to the light, she stares intently into the suspicious orange liquid.

“Ahahahah!”

In that moment, a very familiar laughter bounces upon their eardrums – a laughter they’ve heard through the speakers on this floor.

“Hiiii! This is the first time we’ve met in the flesh. I am this floor’s condemner, Cathy!”

The woman with perfectly done-up makeup stands above them in a mezzanine, looking at them through the door. However, as far as they can see, there are no stairs leading to that room, and the glass making up the door is bulletproof. They’re completely unable to touch her.

“Hey, you sadistic bitch, what is it this time?! Come down here, I’ll kill ya!” Zack snarls as the woman looks down at them.

“Oh, my, Zack, how could you speak like that to such a beautiful woman as I? Well, that part of you makes me shiver, too.” Cathy giggles.

“What do we have to do now?” Ray asks as she looks up at her.

“That’s right. Rachel Gardner, what do you think those syringes are for?” Despite being utterly bored by how calmly Ray asks her this, the woman’s tone never once changes.

“…For injecting medication into one’s body?” The moment she replies, a piercing, loud beeping tone resonates through the room.

“Correct, Rachel! Now then, all you have to do is inject yourself with the syringes, and the doors will open! Easy, right?”

“What’s inside the syringes…?” Ray stares at the injections.

“I’ll tell you, Rachel. One has some vitamins, and the other has a dangerous drug. The bad one is quiiiite strong – you’ll have a nightmare, suffer…you might not even wake up.” Cathy presses a finger to her red lips, speaking maliciously as she winks at Zack.

“Haah?! Which one is which?!”

“I won’t tell you, and I forgot anyway. In any case, either one of them could be a ‘win’, and either one of them could be a ‘lose’. If you’re lucky, you get the vitamin. If you’re not, you get the drug. It was supposed to be a test of luck, you know? But, since there are two of you…”

She laughs fearlessly.

“You knew this would happen…” Ray mutters quietly to herself, seeing the woman’s expression.

“Oh, what an unpleasant child. You’re smart, but that’s all. I’ve been watching you, and…you really are just like Zack says. So very boring.”

Cathy looks down upon the girl as an inferior being.

(…Boring…)

It’s different. It’s different when she says it. When Cathy says she’s boring – it makes Ray feel humiliated and uncomfortable.

“Now, then, let’s put an end to this boring conversation. You’re more or less came here together, so I’ll give you a special rule.”

“A special rule…?”

“Yes. You can…exchange the syringes. And…I don’t mind if one of you injects them both. However, make sure not to leave even a single drop of fluid. Dishonesty leads to endless punishment here! And you will never be able to get out.”

A roaring, mocking drumroll blares through the speakers.

“And now, my sinners, I shall pray for your good fortune!” Cathy twirls around along with the drumroll like some sort of musical performer. Then, with a peculiar laugh, she disappears through the door. In the room, only Ray, Zack, and the syringes remain.

“Zack…” Unconsciously, she calls that name as if asking for help.

“Hey, bring the syringe over here. Just do it.” Zack’s voice is irritated as he orders her.

“Okay…” She quickly takes the syringe from the table.

“D’ya know which one of these is the bad one?” he asks as he stares at the two syringes. One has orange liquid, the other contains yellow-green.

“…No.” She shakes her head. She can see the colours, but it tells her nothing of the actual contents.

“Guess not. I can’t, either. But I’m not plannin’ on dyin’ here. I’m not lettin’ that bitch kill me.” His expression is grim.

“…So, should I take both of them?” Ray thinks a bit before giving him her proposal.

“Hah?! Will ya be able t’ wake up?!” Zack’s voice unintentionally grows rougher.

“…No. So does that mean you’ll take them?” she asks without hesitation.

“Ah?! Of course I don’t want to!”

(What is she even thinking…?!)

He can’t follow her trail of thought at all.

“If you don’t want to do it, I will. Though I don’t know what will happen.” Ray’s voice is calm as she speaks. Zack merely looks perplexed. But from Zack’s perspective, she’s not thinking about the consequences of her actions at all. Her statements are selfish.

“So what happens if ya die?”

“What happens?”

“I’m askin’ ya what happens if I die? What happens if you die?!” The anger simmering within him threatens to burst out.

“…Our oath won’t happen… But, that’s…”

Ring.

At that moment, Ray hears – the chime of a bell.

“I don’t know. …I’m sorry, I don’t know.” Her head feels swamped in confusion.

“…Ah, that’s right. Ya want t’ die. I asked ya somethin’ stupid.” Zack’s voice is bitter and mocking.

“…Stupid…” Ray quietly repeats the word.

“It pisses me off, but that bitch is right. We’re just tools to each other. Well…I dunno what it means t’ swear t’ God, but you’ll prolly be satisfied if ya get t’ die either way.”

As he stares at Ray, whose expression hasn’t changed even slightly, he asks her something he’s been wondering about, somewhere in his heart, the entire time.

“Hey, can ya even make a good face if ya think about how much ya wanna die?”

“…” She can’t simply nod her head in response to that question.

She doesn’t know…she doesn’t know. She may have never been able to smile from the very bottom of her heart – ever since she was born.

“…How fuckin’ boring…being some doll’s tool…”

Sighing slightly, the man mutters to himself. Ray has fallen into utter silence.

“But right now, I don’t plan on doin’ what that bitch wants. I have t’ get outta this place. So, I’ll let ya use me.”

His tone become slightly desperate as he reaches through the bars and snatches the syringe from Ray’s hand.

“Wait, that’s mine…” Her eyes widen.

“Shut up. It looks dangerous, but it ain’t poison, right? If I die, that just means ya get t’ die too. So it’s better if I do it.” He smiles fearlessly. It may have been a wise decision in this situation. But Ray can only see it as Zack acting rashly after losing his composure.  And yet, she can’t stop him.

“…Wait.” Though she knows this, she reaches her hand through the bars.

“I’m not gonna wait.”

Zack glances at her. His expression – as if abandoning something, or perhaps having been abandoned – looks as if it hides all the sorrow he has ever experienced in his life until now.

He rolls up his sleeve and stabs both the syringes into his skin. The liquids seep into his body. Before long, the syringes are completely empty, and the next door opens.

“It’s open. Let’s go.” He walks forward calmly. It appears the drugs haven’t taken effect yet.

“Okay…”

Ray stares at his back as if deep in prayer.

▲▽

A hallway stretches out beyond the door. Zack walks at a quick pace, as if to pull Ray along. However, perhaps because of the drugs, the hallway seems to continue forever. He can’t see the end.

(…Shit. Everything’s spinning.)

My head feels like it’s gonna burst open.

He’s also attacked by a terrible vertigo that makes him unable to stand. He can’t help but crouch down on the ground.

(Ugh, what is this…)

White noise streaks his vision, along with an awful sound, like the rain from that night.

And, as if in continuation of that dream, he clearly sees what else had transpired.

▲▽

…This is what happened that day. When I killed the couple at the institution, when I buried the dead kid’s body in the garden. I think he was three years younger than me, but I don’t remember very well.

The first hole I dug, I uncovered what looked like a baby. It had been buried a few weeks ago. It was in my way, so I went to dig a new hole. I don’t know how many kids I buried like this.

And that day, it was raining. It rained all night, a rain so strong it would have been meaningless to even have an umbrella.

Because of that, the muddy dirt was easy to uncover. But the corpse crumbled easily, and it took some time to bury properly. I always did things like this late at night.

There was not even a speck of light. The ground in front of me was pitch-black. And because of the harsh rain, I was soaking wet and covered in mud that day.

I hated the feeling of my bandages being wet. It was disgusting. But I had no spare ones to change to. So my bandages always reeked.

Come to think of it, I hadn’t taken a bath in a long time. I can’t even remember the last time I did. I didn’t care much, but I did think it would be nice to take a bath after burying corpses. I hated the rotten smell on my hands after I touched them. I felt like my hands, and the rest of my body, might rot away too.

(Eugh…)

Nearly overcome by nausea, covered in mud, I returned to the institution.

It was strangely quiet. Peering into the bedroom from the living room, I saw that the couple were already sleep. I felt just a little bit disappointed. After burying bodies, the woman always secretly hid leftovers of food away. She disliked burying bodies so much that she would make sure a monster like me was kept alive. What a selfish bitch.

(I’m hungry…)

I held a hand over my stomach as I searched the room for something to eat – like a fallen bag of chips or something. That day, there wasn’t any. The living room wasn’t especially clean. Probably because no one took the trouble of doing it. Clothes, magazines, and trash were scattered everywhere. They were all the couple’s belongings.

On the shelves were various toys for children, all brand-new, as if put there for decorations. They didn’t appear to be used. And there was no need for toys in a place like that.

After all, there were no more children there. I was – the last – person. But those people were incorrigible. They would likely take more children for money, as well. And, they would be given nothing, die of starvation, and end up getting buried by me.

I was the only one who didn’t die. The couple called me a “monster”. I was called that likely not only because of my creepy appearance, but also because I just didn’t die. Though there were times I stole bags of candy or chips, one time, in intervals of about three weeks, I got leftovers. It took about that long for the new kids to die, too. I guess the couple probably didn’t understand why I didn’t drop dead. Even I didn’t. But it’s annoying to think about that.

(Haah?)

As I emitted a sigh that mixed with the sound of rain outside, I suddenly noticed a faint gleam of something.

(What’s that?)

It was a light from the television in the living room. It was on. Not thinking of anything in particular, I sat down in front of the TV, as if drawn in by the light. It was only on when the couple were up. And most of the time, while they were up, I was crouched down on the floor upstairs, in the storage room. I had heard the TV sometimes, but never seen what was on it.

(The television, huh…)

I became curious about this thing I had never seen before.

But because it was late at night, there was nothing on it. Not really knowing anything about how it worked, I tried pressing one of the buttons. Then, something happened.

It was probably – a bit of an old movie. It was the first time I’d ever seen one.

On the TV, there was a couple – a man and a woman – laughing happily. I had no idea what was supposed to be so funny.

(It’s kind of boring…)

I thought of turning it off. I hated people who looked happy. But at that moment, a grotesque-looking man – his skin slowly peeling off his entire body – appeared before the couple. He looked like a monster. And then, the ugly man turned toward the woman’s boyfriend. Brandishing a hatchet, he stabbed him over and over and over – without an ounce of hesitation. And killed him. Dark reddish blood scattered across the screen. It looked as if it would splatter out onto the ground in front of me.

The woman stared at the ugly man and called him a monster. Her expression was full of despair – as if the happiness she had experienced moments before had been nothing but a lie.

The ugly man mercilessly stabbed the woman in the head. The screen split between the pale face of the dead man, and the face of the ugly man, whose mouth was so wide with laughter it seemed like his face might tear into two. It was an exhilarating scene, one that enthralled me.

Thump, thump.

Thump thump.

Thump thump thump.

I don’t know if my heart had been moving until that moment. But then – then it felt like it wouldn’t ever stop its desperate thrumming.

(…Aah…that’s right…)

And that’s when I finally realised –

…This is what I should do.

(It’s easy…)

I stood up from the floor and wandered into the kitchen. It was swarming with wriggling black insects. I picked up the largest knife I could find, and turned toward the bedroom. The couple’s snoring was absurdly loud.

I didn’t falter for even a moment as I thrust the blade into the man’s neck. When I buried the bodies, their necks always looked so fragile, so I figured that this must be where I would find a human’s weak point. And I stabbed him, because on the movie, the man had died first, too. He let out a groan, and his gaze latched on to me – but he died in less than a minute.

(…Huh.)

As I stared at the man’s dead body, who I now felt no hatred for, or nothing at all, I realised: people die so easily. It’s easy…to kill.

(Why was I holding myself back for so long…?)

“Kyaaah!”

The woman realised something was wrong, and threw herself off the bed, letting out a scream of terror. She attempted to run, but perhaps her legs gave way, and she ended up simply dragging herself backwards along the floor.

“…”

Staring at that comical sight, I lifted my weapon.

The woman stared at me with eyes full of fear – an expression she had never shown me before – as she screamed “monster, you monster!” at me over and over again.

(Monster, huh…)

Honestly, I didn’t like being called that. I hated the scars beneath the bandages – the burn scars that would never fade. There was no way I could possibly like them. But it wasn’t because they made me remember anything. It was simply because I didn’t look human. Because I didn’t like looking like a monster.

But, for some reason, I was a little happy that night, as the woman screeched at me, calling me that name. My chest swelled. No matter what she said, I wouldn’t have to listen to her. Because I would kill her. The only thing that remained was despair.

(It’s okay to be a monster.)

I smiled.

Aah, I’m just like the man in that story. No…that’s wrong. I am him.

I don’t know how much time passed. But the next time I realised what was happening, the woman was dead.

And I was the only one left in the institution. The only thing ringing in my ears was the sound of the hard rain, as if to drive everything else away.

▲▽

His head throbs, as if someone had hit him. He feels sick.

(Aah…I feel like I’m gonna go crazy…)

…I want to kill.

I want to kill. I want to kill.

I want to kill I want to kill I want to kill I wanna kill.

I wanna kill I wanna kill I wanna kill I wanna kill IwannakillIwannakill.

“Please…kill me.”

Ray’s voice reverberates from within him.

As soon as I met her, she asked me to kill her. Thinking about it now, I guess I should have killed her back then. Or, maybe it would have been better to kill her then. I dunno what she’s thinkin’ with that blank face of hers, but I bet she would have been happy to be killed by me. ‘Cause right now, that’s all she thinks about. If she wasn’t, she wouldn’t be working together with me like this.

I don’t know why she wants to die, and I don’t need to, either. After all, to her, I’m nothing more than a tool.

(But if I kill her now, would I be a liar…?)

The more time passes, the more the drugs sink into his system. He has always felt as if he’s been in an awful dream. The raging impulse to kill and the last frays of his sanity fight together.

(Zack looks strange…? The poison really is…)

“Zack, are you okay…?”

Having opened the door, Ray sees Zack crouched on the floor, unmoving, and rushes up to him.

(Stay away – )

Zack calls out in his own mind.

But the moment he perceives the form of the girl who rushes up to him, he becomes entirely enveloped in urges he can’t contain. He’s unable to think of anything asides from his desire to kill.

“…”

He quickly stands, and brandishes the scythe toward Ray. This scythe has brought countless people to despair. And, of course, it can slice through Ray’s dainty neck without a problem.

“…What’s wrong…?”

With the slightest bit of surprise upon her face, she asks him this quietly, seeming to sense something.

“Aah…I dunno if it’s ‘cause of that weird stuff or not…but I wanna kill so bad…that I feel like I’m gonna go crazy!” Zack shouts desperately as he stares into those blue eyes that look as if they see through everything.

(So, just go somewhere, far away – )

He wants to kill someone, anyone – Ray, in front of him – so badly he can hardly stand it.

But the promise he had made with her flickers in his mind.

“When we get outta here together…I’ll kill you.”

Since coming into this world, he had never had anything he especially liked or disliked. It was pointless to think about those things, anyway. But lies – he truly hates lies.

“…I see…I don’t mind.” Ray doesn’t flinch as she replies.

(So damn boring.)

Zack laughs, and hangs his head.

“…That so.”

(She’s boring, but,)

“Ah, that’s right, ya want me t’ kill ya, don’t ya?!”

(I can’t help it – )

He can’t control himself. The scythe shakes as his arms waver.

The sharp blade lightly touches the nape of her neck. It’s cold – almost like water dripping down her skin.

“…But, are you okay with this?” she asks him calmly as that icy sensation seeps into her bones.

“…Hah?!”

“You aren’t outside yet. And…my face is still boring, right?”

Just like her voice, her face is emotionless. She simply, intently gazes up into Zack’s flushed face.

(If ya get it, then)

“Hey…are ya tryin’ t’ threaten me now?!”

(do something – )

He feels absolutely disgusting. He wants to puke.

Even he knows how his hands tremble as they grip the scythe. Every second, he comes closer and closer to simply cutting her head from the rest of her body.

“No. You’re the one who made the promise to God. So, the promise is yours as well. Right now, I���m not ordering anything of you, or asking you to do anything for me. I’m just asking you…Zack, are you okay with this?” Ray’s expression trembles as she feels Zack’s hands shake, the sensation passed through her by the blade of the scythe on her neck. He’s a bit surprised, seeing such an honest expression from her in this insane situation –

“…Are you stupid? …Of course I’m not okay with it.” His answer comes straight from his heart. “But, ya know…no matter how boring yer face is…it’s hard t’ hold myself back. ‘Cause if I could, I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place…”

Aah…why am I trying to hold myself back so much…?

When I get the urge to kill, I kill. I wanna kill so bad I can hardly stand it, but something inside of me keeps calling out to me, saying I mustn’t kill her.

(‘Cause I can’t get out of here if I do…?)

“A dangerous, mutually selfish wish that only pushes responsibilities upon the other…you both seem to be gaining something from this, but, the two of you are nothing more than tools. Though…which one of you is the real tool, I wonder?”

So, is Ray just a tool to me, too…?

“Your promise is absurdly pointless.”

(Promise…)

Ah…that’s right…I never really made a promise with anyone before. Promises always seemed so irrelevant to me…because I always lived on my own.

(But, ‘cause I’m gonna kill Ray once I get out of here, it might really be a pointless promise after all…)

He turns his gaze away from Ray and takes in a short breath, as if to muster the last of his strength.

“…But, ya know, even I hate lies...” His voice trembles. “Ya get what I mean, right?”

For a moment, it seems like time simply stops flowing between them.

“…Yeah.”

As Zack blinks, Ray sees her own expressionless face reflected back to her, and sees herself nod.

“…Good girl…so…please…”

He gently draws her delicate body closer to him.

“…Don’t let me kill you just yet – ”

And, after whispering into her ear, he softly lets her go.

As if to confirm the promise they’ve made to one another, the two hold one another’s gazes for a moment.

Zack’s expression is more serious than any she’s ever seen on him before.

He hears the rain begin to fall once more. A harsh rain at the dead of night, a rain hard enough to wash everything away.

Between the slits of my bandages, I see that old movie. What had it been called again? Something like…ah, damn it. It was the only movie I’d ever seen. I should have at least remembered the title. But that movie really was the best. It was so exciting.

Thump thump.

Thump thump.

Just thinking about it has my heart thumpin’ in my chest – though I dunno if it normally does that or not.

I want to kill.

I wanna kill so bad, I can’t stand it.

I can’t think about anything else anymore. I don’t want to think.

And, as if something had suddenly broken, Zack’s face becomes utterly blank.

▲▽

I have to run…!

The sight she had seen when she had first met Zack on B6 flickers frightfully clear through her mind.

That time…she had fixed the bird, like she normally would, and buried it.

It was a pity the bird had died, but I was happy.

After all, it could go home to my family. My ideal family…

But that had all been a fleeting dream. Nothing more. All she can remember is the past she doesn’t want to recall.

Ray looks away from Zack, and turns her back to him, as if it pains her to set her eyes upon him.

(…I don’t know anything about Zack yet.)

The words she had read on that profile – something like that is nothing more than something someone else had written. Nothing more.

“…I…hate lies.”

But that is one thing she knows. Her small hands curve into fists.

(I won’t make him a liar…)

Zack sways next to her – and she runs away from him as quickly as she possibly can.

Zack swore to God.

“I’m definitely gonna be the one to do it…!”

I’m sure Zack doesn’t desire to kill me like this. He doesn’t want to kill me while I’m so boring.

Hey, Zack. I can’t be alive. This is what I’ve thought ever since that night.

But, so that I can be killed by you, I want to be useful to you.

And, I promised. I promised to make a good face that would make you want to kill me.

So…for now, I can’t let Zack kill me…!

Zack chases her as the rain relentlessly pounds in his ears.

(I wanna kill, I wanna kill – )

He can’t hear anything anymore. He doesn’t know anything. He doesn’t know if this is reality, or a dream. He doesn’t know if he’s an adult, or a child. He can’t think about anything anymore. He just wants to kill. It doesn’t matter who.

In the midst of the white noise of his mind, for some reason, the faces of the children who had been buried at the institution flash by, one after another. Ghosts don’t exist in this world. That’s common sense. But, like an awfully clear movie, the faces of dead children flicker across his vision. They don’t look at him with hatred, and they don’t ask for help. They simply stare at him with dead eyes. And they tell him, “I didn’t want to go to a place like this.”

(I don’t care. That’s disgusting.)

He lurches after the girl with unsteady steps. Despite feeling terribly nauseous, he’s still tremendously fast.

(He’ll catch up to me…)

“Haah, haah…”

She can sense him approaching her.

Gasping for air, she rushes down the maze-like corridor.

(I can’t…breathe…)

She has surely never run for someone else like this before.

But she doesn’t have the leisure to think about something like that. She simply runs desperately. If she stops for even a second, she’ll be killed. To tell the truth, it doesn’t matter to her when she’s killed. She wants to be killed before Zack finds out everything.

(…?)

She’s suddenly aware that she can no longer sense Zack behind her. For an instant, she turns to look. It’s clear that his running speed has lessened.

(The poison…)

In her mind, she sees Zack, stabbing himself with the syringes.

(He even took my syringe…)

“If I die, that just means ya get t’ die too. So it’s better if I do it.”

That was…what Zack did to make sure they could get out together. That’s what Ray believes.

(Right now, all I can do is not let him kill me…)

That’s all.

She can’t see the end of the hall because of how gloomy it is. She doesn’t know where it goes – but she runs down it anyway, and forgets about everything else. She runs, further and further – and finally escapes that long hallway. Her vision explodes in white.

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Who is She? 33 - Dolores Huerta

Short version: So this will be my only new piece for Women's History Month 2019. It's a larger illustration of Dolores Huerta featuring many symbols that represent parts of her life both big and small. Dolores is one of the most revolutionary women living. As the co-founder of the United Farm Workers Union her selfless activism and organizing helped to not only change the lives of the farm workers across California, but it continues to inspire young women and people all over the world.

It is a crime that more attention, respect, and admiration is not given to her. I just finished working on a project about her and had the chance to learn a lot more about her. But, if you're not familiar with Dolores, I highly recommend watching the most recent documentary by Peter Bratt. It will give you a good glimpse into her life. Then go check out her foundation because she is still organizing! I give Dolores and her family so much respect and thanks. Happy women's day! 

Longer Version: So, here is a slightly longer version but I am not going to go over her entire life just some of the words, drawings, and symbols I included. I would highly suggest watching the documentary if you are not a reader. If you're a reader go check out her foundation.

Stockton- Ok so Dolores was born in Dawson New Mexico, but she grew up in Stockton California. Although her dad was a farm worker and organizer, she was raised by her mom and siblings. There she watched her mom hold down jobs and eventually run a hotel which was not a typical thing for most women to do in the 30s. It was through her mom that she got her first feminist role model; saying that she never had to cater to her brothers. Her mother made them all work equally; which is often not the case in some Latinx families. Dolores attended school in Stockton in what was a very mixed setting, but she also experienced racism there in the treatment of students of color and her education. 

Dancing/Jazz-Dolores loved to dance and she loves music. One of her favorite genres is Jazz. She helped organize a dance, danced herself, and made time to go see musicians play live. 

Fred Ross-After working as a teacher and witnessing the conditions the children of farm workers lived in she dedicated her life to organizing. It is then that she met Fred Ross who ran the Community Service Organization (CSO). He taught Dolores about organizing and she became a bad ass at it. She was so persuasive and hard working that they soon promoted her to take policy changes to the states capitol.

Cesar Chavez-Another bad ass who worked with and was trained Fred Ross is Cesar. Cesar grew up as a child of farm workers and understood their experiences first hand. He was also a star at organizing and soon Fred was partnering Cesar and Dolores up. Cesar would also go on to be one of the most revolutionary activists of his time.

NFWA-National Farm Workers Association- Together Dolores and Cesar left the CSO and co-founded a small organization aimed at specifically organizing Latinx farm workers in Central California. They called it an association rather than a union because unions were outlawed and union organizers were being hunted. 

Huelga sign- After getting a jump from the Filipino workers AWOC (Agricultural Workers Organizing Committee) they joined forces with Dolores and Cesar to form what would become world famous as the United Farm Workers or UFW. The symbol for their flag inspired by Aztec iconography and later becoming a symbol for organizing, social justice, and Chican@ pride. The word Huelga means "strike" in both Spanish and Tagalog the languages spoken by the multicultural UFW.  

Si! Se Puede!- Dolores was a leader who often went into towns, cities, and communities to speak with folks, hear their needs, and to organize them.  She did this with wit, strength, and humility. But, if anyone ever told her she couldn't do something which both white folks and macho men of color often did, she'd say yes we can. Si Se Puede! Which is a slogan she came up with and was later used by Barack.

The Feminist fist- I included this because although Dolores was brought up Catholic in a traditional Latinx family she was brought up with some very feminist ideas. And when she met feminists on a trip to NYC to promote the grape strike of the mid 60s she gained some new ideas. At first she didn't rock with all of what they said, but then slowly she started to change her mind, incorporating them into her life. This is important, because of in el movimiento there can be sexism. Women from the Black Panther Party have spoken about this as well.

Family-So Dolores amazingly had 11 children! She now has 17 grand kids as well. So, as a movement parent she lifted up farm workers and fought for revolutionary causes. She worked tirelessly to do this for decades. But, her family life was sacrificed in many cases. She got married three times and often was away organizing. Her grown children have not held back in saying they were sometimes angry with her, left behind, or frustrated. They understand why she did what she did, but it was not easy. Somehow with little to no money (organizers don't get paid often) she raised and got help raising her kids. 

Billy club- I put that in there because she was beaten by the San Francisco Police Department. They broke her ribs and she had to be hospitalized. She has been arrested over 20 times in her life.

Why? Ok, so why did Dolores do all this work? Why sacrifice? A couple of reasons. The Mexican and Latinx workers who grew, picked, and serviced the farm lands that feed the United States were being exploited. They were being ripped off financially. Whenever possible the white farm owners undercut their pay. leaving them with not enough money to pay for proper housing (Dolores' mom often let workers stay for free because of this) , food, clothing, and/or schooling for their kids. Their kids could not attend school, they had to work in the fields to help support the family. The working conditions were horrible. Imagine bending over all day to pick fruits and vegetables without proper breaks, no drinking water, no bathrooms, or shade. Workers were . threatened if they asked for these things and fired if they attempted to form a union. They had no sick time, no benefits, no regular raises, and no support if they got ill. Lastly,  the farm owners were poisoning their workers as they worked them to death (life expectancy was in the 50's). The farm owners had their fields sprayed with harsh chemicals such as DDT known to cause cancer. Because of all this Dolores was passionate about fighting for these workers. 

Victory-And you know what? They organized among the Filipino and Latinx workers striking for years, bringing down a boycott that reached across the US . This eventually took so much money out . of the growers pockets that they forced them to the negotiating table, winning better working conditions, rights, and pay for the families. Dolores is a bad ass!

There's a lot I'm leaving out, but please check out more of the drawing and go find out more about this woman's life!   If you wanna see more women I've drawn for Women's History Month click HERE.