#I was just bored so I started coding amd learning a little

[buttercupshands]

At this point I'm just trapped in a time loop

[juniaships]

Actiontoongorlz's Top 8 Canon x OC Ships 💖💖

I've been looking at OTP/Couples memes for a while and decided that it's time for me to make my own! For an extra surprise I'm not putting Ben Tennyson x Jora Holiday on this list because I focus too much on them anyways & I want my other OCs & their loves to have the spotlight for a change. The timing couldn't be more perfect as we're close to Valentine's Day!!! If you don't support canon x oc or find my ships displeasing then move along because this is a Happy Place! 😁😁 Again these are couples that I consider my personal OTPs in regards to canon x oc. That and making more content with my ships in general! Be warned the text is long and contains spoilers for certain shows and such!!

Clarify: these are my own ocs so there's not going to be anyone else's oc/canon. I might have to save that for another post in the future! 💚 But yeah these are characters that I came up with :]

Alright I'm done ranting, let's get started!

1. Sonic x Lani: I never quite gave much thought into this pair as I should so I promise to do something with them in the future! I promise! What I appreciate about SonLani is that there's little drama, like everything is super chill because both parties are chill. It's not a big deal and they don't need grand gestures to show how much they care about each other. Unlike Preboot Archie with its carts full of poorly written romance and strangely OOC moments on Sonic's end, SonLani had a lot of time to grow, while keeping his established personality in check. They actually communicate with each other, and stick by each other thick and thin. Lani loves Sonic for who he is & has no plans on changing him. Likewise Sonic has someone he can rely on when things get tough; not to mention he can really be himself around her without going all "iLl sLOw dOWn fOr U." Plus the ship name I gave them is a huge nod to the games ^_^

2. Jason x Vanessa: A recent pair due to Vanessa being a new creation but I'm honestly in love with them right now. In-universe they are regarded as the prime example of 'Opposites Attract' in Odyssey. They didn't get along very well in Jason's first couple of months in town due to his hardheaded self and her aloof demeanor. But through events such as Blackgaard and Novacom they gradually learn to trust one another. They see each other in a different light, Vanessa realising that Jason is a lot more thoughtful than he lets on, and Jason discovering her hidden fun side and kindness. Vanessa provides challenges and a sense of normalcy Jason can enjoy away from spy business. Meanwhile Jason fulfills her thirst of adventure & simultaneous desire for a peaceful life as well as spirituality. They're a equals, regarding each other as such and not to mention the BANTER! Hard to believe a former nun can keep up with a secret agent both physically and trading barbs XD. There's also the Forbidden Love factor of Vanessa being the duaghter of Regis Blackgaard, Jason defending her because he KNOWS she is nothing like her old man. Their friendship and romance overcome so many obstacles. I can honestly say that if Vanessa was canon she'd be the type of person Jason would like to be with especially over Jillian Marshall *gags*

3. Kaysha Wallace x Leo Hamato: Now here's a ship that I want to get more into 😁😁 Honestly I love the idea of this pairing: the serious leadee x bubbly spirit! Kaysha is very perky yet understands Leo's feelings on shouldering so much responsibility (she being the oldest child in her family). She's very willing to support him because she doesn't want to see him get all weary from burden. Likewise Leo can be himself around her, and teach her to be more responsible. He doesn't doubt her potential and sees her as an equal even during those periods where she was not on par with the other ninja. Kaysha shows Leo it's okay to relax and let other people help him out and not shut everyone out. When Leo expresses his ability to give her a safe life she simply laughs it off; the way she sees it him simply there in her life is enough. The most interesting facet is their dynamic varies between shows, so you'd see different scenarios and reactions as well as similarities and differences in their romance subplot.

4. Artie x Rhodanthe: Another couple I seriously need to give more attention to, they're meant to be is the foil to Shrek and Fiona in several ways. Artie and Rho may come from different social classes but they're both searching for a purpose to prove their haters wrong. Artie lacked confidence while Rho was overconfident believing she didn't need help. Together Artie learns to stand up for not only for his kingdom and loved ones hut also for himself; Rho's pride gets tempered by Artie's kindness and willingness to compromise. Another thing I like is that Artie has someone who loves him for him not because he is attractive and of royal blood. Likewise Rho has someone who respects her in spite of her social standing & shares her beliefs in making life easier for the poor & outcasts. While both lacke the physical prowess of Shrek and Fiona they rely on each other's resourcefulness and strategic thinking to get by. Unlike Shrek and Fiona they don't get married at the end of their focus movie, resolving to figure out where to take their relationship next. They still have their own life goals and don't want to rush into a relationship which sends a pretty good message. However they have their disagreements - in fact they got a huge argument that became a plot point in Shrek Forever After - but through it all they rediscover the things that made them fall in true love with each other. I'm really loving the subplot I have planned where they forget their memories and slowly fall back in love again.

5. Finn x Alma: Surprise! Yes8 I have a Cars OC (that was originally a fanon Disney Princess) who is the niece of Tow Mater in my verse and she enters a relationship with Finn McMissile. The thing I love about this pair is that it allows Alma to use her skills to flourish, treating amd healing injured spies. She's also into travel and adventure so she can pretty much keep up with Finn. Likewise Finn realizes she is more than just a pretty face or a one-off fling but someone with the passion to face challenges head on; Finn seems to love a good challenge! But overall they'd make a nice pairing, Finn showing Alma the world and Alma showing Finn some of the more simpler things in life.

6. Alexander Paine & Qiu Jin: Well well well look at what the cat dragged in? If it isn't our first villain pairing? XD Just kidding only one half is a genuine villain. What makes this couple so unique in that their storyline goes way back to before the events of the show, he being a agent and she a mechanic. They loved each other deeply, even to the point of starting a family, but forced apart due to some troubling events. When they do get back together it's not so much a bittersweet reunion as Paine became a full villain and Qiu Jin had spent years in&out mental institution before being released There's visible pain & regret, Alexander desperately wanting a semblance of what they once had. He seeks power not just for himself for to heal her. But Jin refuses to go along with his schemes wanting nothing more than to move on and see their children. Jin is a huge Mortality Pet for him, but his own selfish desires for power is a major obstacle their love can't overcome. It's the more bittersweet of my pairings but an important one nonetheless.

7. Bruce Wayne x Nicola Holden: Ok the Brooding Guy/Gentle Girl trope is a mixed bag these days but I really like this trope in regards to Brucola. Like with Artie/Rho, Bruce and Nicola come from different social classes but has that same compassion and drive to help others. Nicola is someone Bruce can trust but at the same time she lets him know there are boundaries (aka don't use my weaknesses as a contingency plan). I also feel like Bruce needs a sort of normal love interest, while he has canon normal girlfriends most of them were pretty boring. At least with Nicola she has has a life outside being a love interest her own goals and motivations. She also loves Bruce for him, not because of his money and good looks. It's a generally healthy dynamic built on honesty & empathy. Another reason why I find this pair adorable is that it actually matches with the rest of the Trinity; you know, like how Superman is with a journalist and Wondy is with a soldier/agent. Nicola & Bruce having different ways of pursuing justice while still sharing similar moral codes. It helps that Nicola is actually a hero rather than an antihero/villain/straight villain (Bruce dating a villan would only make him look like a hypocrite). Nicola sees all facets of Bruce's life and makes the choice to stay; provides some much needed light not just in his life but also the rest of the Batfam. In turn Bruce has another connection to the normal world that is willing to be in his life and see him genuinely happy. They're mature adults who ground each other and build each other up.

8. Optimus Prime x Malina Lovelace: Okay is it just me or do I think TFA Optimus Prime needs more love? What's funny is that at first Malina didn't like the thought of being outshined by newcomers in her superhero career. Spending time with Optimus makes her realize that there's more to being a superhero than fame. Optimus doesn't look down on her, and is more than willing to work with her and appreciate her work. She becomes touched by his friendliness and aceepts him and the other Bots. At the same time Malina reminds Optimus that it's okay to make mistakes and move on, and that it's okay to cut toxic people out. I even wrote a noncanon ficlet where Malina calls out Sentinel and Blackarachnia for the way they treat Optimus. OptMalina is a romance built on respect despite the obvious differences. Not to mention they have each other's back, and they learn about each other each time. And just like with KayLeo and BatRose there's different continuities which means unique versions of the Optlina pair. The Bayverse *chortle* and Prime versions are a few I'd love to explore in the future!

Miscellaneous

- Chad Charming x Soraya Nedakh: Essentially snobby rich kid who learns to be self sufficient and see past appearances through a positive influence. Soraya helps Chad to understand that being royalty isn't just pretty clothes and parties but actually using that status to help others. And Chad actually has his views challenged: Soraya doesn't back down easily.

- Jetta x Zane: The concept of JettaZane (or A Touch Of Snow/IceMagic) is that the robot teaches the human what it's like to be human. Jetta started out as an extremely cold person and a loner, but her time with Zane - the literal ninja of ice - gradually melts her heart & she becomes more caring and accepting. So the robot programmed to be human helps the human raised to be a cold machine unlearn her toxic traits and reclaim her humanity. Also Pixane is kinda boring imo, like they're only together because they're both robots. Not very compelling if you ask me.

- Brian Crown x Kelly Arbol: The wellmeaning goofball and the beatnik poet are something I rarely see much of, but that pretty much sums up their ship. Brian may be a bit self centered but he has a heart of gold and through Kelly's influence he becomes more confident in being a worthy successor to his dad. Meanwhile Brian respects Kelly in and out costume and teaches her how to have fun. Not to mention Kelly interacts with someone outside her circle, which is a welcome change from the trope of only dating someone within your circle.

- Janus Lee x Lenora Rose: Another pair from the same show as Paine and Qiu Jin, there's not much to say on them other than it's one of the most tragic couples. Lenora died a long time ago due to circumstances beyond her & Mr. Lee's control and it's her death that was the catalyst to his gradual descent into evil. As the show goes on we see glimpses of their life together and realize that Lenora is more than the Ghost, she was someone with her own dreams and motivations. She and Janus were outcasts who found companionship in each other, and were able to build a life together using their hard-earned resources to help others. Even in the last few months of her life she didn't go down without a fight, wanting her legacy to be one of love and hope. It's her memory that may be the key to redeeming Mr. Lee in the future of A.T.O.M.

- Ben Florian x Paige: Again not much else to say but they're the antithesis of Mal x Ben. One thing that bothers me about Mal & Ben is that they are supposed to be equals when it's pretty darn obvious from the scenes they were not. With PaigeBen it's clear that they ARE equals who respect each other. Ben's agency isn't reduced to just love interest, he has someone he has good communication with and wants to see him succeed. Paige has someone who shares her interests and see her more than just that One American Newbie. They LEARN to work together without love potions involved. Plus we haven't had a commoner Disney Princess in a while so Paige fills in as someone who works her way into high status then uses that status to help others with Ben at her side.

That's enough of my Canon x OC OTPs! I hope to explore them more throughout the year :) I work hard to flesh out my OCs and their romantic storylines as if they're real 💚😌

I do have KayLeo week planned for Feb 14 to Feb 21 so don't be shocked when I start posting rottmnt stuff or art of Kaysha! Anyways these are my personal ships that I enjoy despite the lack of content I made of them, so hopefully I have the creative juices flowing to make more stuff! Final note I'm working on a platonic oc x canon meme to show that love doesn't have to be romantic. A

[brightlightsfanfiction-blog]

Secret Identity | Jared Leto + Reader | Part 2

Prompt: Flirting between Y/N and “Jay” starts to get more serious, and he starts to get more secretive. He prefers to talk about her, instead of himself, and it makes her wary.  Notes: May dabble some with Jareds POV in this. I really enjoy writing this, amd it’s fun to be a bit of a mystery. I haven’t decided when to have them meet, or how, so if you guys have any ideas, let me know!  Warnings: PG-13 for swearing in some chapters.

Part 1

Letoislove sent you a picture.

The notif came in a good few hours after you’d sent your last message to Jay. Your heart skipped a beat, and you hoped he wasn’t being cruel about sending you a different picture after how your conversation ended.

But as it loaded, you saw he wasn’t. It was Jared and a cute boy outside somewhere. You weren’t sure which part to focus on first - that he had met Jared (you only wished you had) or the fact he was a pretty cute kid. Okay, he didn’t actually look like a “kid”, he looked like he was probably in his 20s, but the emo-ish vibe a lot of their fans had given him that cute kid kinda look. You didn’t mind that he’d been the one flirting with you.

Withtheecehlon: You’re sooo cute! <3 Also lowkey jealous you got to meet Jared. Closest I’ve gotten is being really close to the stage.  Letoislove: It was taken at Camp Mars. Super great experience overall.  Withtheechelon: Ugh. Lucky! I want to go, so bad.  Letoislove: You should sometime =) It’s a bunch of fun. I know it’s expensive but so worth it.  Withtheechelon: I’m working on trying to save up, but stuff keeps coming up. It sucks cause I don’t live terribly far from there either, so it’s not like I’d have to fly. I could drive up, leave my car at a friends house and Uber over to avoid the parking pass.  Letoislove: I hope you can go sometime. You’d love it.

Jared’s POV

Jared hadn’t intended for this to happen. He’d made the fan account on a whim so he could talk to other fans without the massive amounts of messages or backlash that would come from him only talking to certain people. He tried to at least keep up with liking people’s comments on his own Instagram, but even that was a lot. Here, he could talk to people in small numbers, with anonymity. He found a lot of pages and picked some of the best and most active (and passionate) to follow. He was following about a hundred and tried to keep up with his own posts, just sharing stuff he had on his phone.  

He’d messaged a few different accounts, complimenting them, hoping to gain a few followers and start a few conversations. One stuck out to him. The feed was beautiful and looked like there was an artist behind it. It also posted daily. They started talking and he learned her name was y/n. He could be a bit of a flirt at times, and that was only amped up when he saw just how gorgeous she was, and the more they talked. She was passionate about how she spoke and her story behind getting into Mars and the things it got her through was beautiful. 

During the “Munday”, he wasn’t entirely sure what to do. He’d had the account for a week, and wasn’t really thinking about coming out about who he was - if he ever did. But when y/n asked, it was hard to say no. And it would really be fishy if he wouldn’t talk about himself, and wouldn’t send messages. He tried to avoid lying to her (and anyone he talked to), but just avoided certain truths or bent them. 

Shannon had called him back to the studio before he could decide, and he told her he’d think about it. 

Another act of bending the truth came to mind while he was in the studio; he looked through an album they had from Camp Mars and found one of him with a young male fan. He seemed attractive enough, and he was sending her a picture of himself. Just wasn’t specifying which person in the photo he was. His response was vague as well, as she called the kid she assumed next to him cute and expressed jealousy at “meeting Jared.” Oh, if she only knew... It was at Camp Mars. That wasn’t a lie either. He was able to change the subject, shifting it to her desire to go to Camp Mars. If the tickets weren’t as high of a price as they were (an unfortunate necessity for everything they offered), he would have considered offering to get her one; obviously, it wasn’t an issue on his edge, he could get her a ticket easily, but from her end it would look like he was dropping a lot on a girl he hadn’t met. Instead, he just sent her words of encouragement and told her not to give up on dreaming.

A notif dinged on his phone. “Would it be weird if I asked you about switching to text?” It was a message from Y/N. 

He considered that. She didn’t know who she was talking to, and it’s not like his number would give him away, just that he was in LA. She said she was near Mars, but it was far enough from the campsite of Camp Mars that she’d have to leave her car at a friend’s and uber over. Yeah, that meant she had a friend in the area. Fuck, he needed to stop overthinking things.

“Sure. What’s your number?” He responded real quick. It would be nice not to have to worry about her notifs getting buried under all the notifs from his other two Instagram pages; he usually had to have the fan accounts DMs open, or her specific message open. 

She sent back a number, and he copied it, putting it in his phone and send her a text. “Hi, beautiful.” Unless she’d just given her number to fifty different people, she’d know who it was. 

Shannon came into the living room, “hey, we’ve got a meeting to get to,” he told him. Jared nodded and got up, checking his phone when he felt it buzz. 

“Hey =) LA, Huh? So guess that cut some expenses for you for Camp Mars too.” Well... it wasn’t exactly wrong.

“Yep. City of Angels ;P” He was well aware his jokes could be terribly cheesy at times, usually reserved for special people close to him, but he felt he could be open with her.

Buzz. “Well I know that I’m talking to an angel right now <3″ Yeah, she could be a flirt at times too. 

He chuckled softly, alerting Shannon he was involved with his phone for more than business. “Who’s got you all smiley?” he asked as he drove them to their meeting. 

Jared shook his head as he sent a text back, “I promise you, princess, I’m no angel.” He glanced up at Shannon. “Just reading comments.” 

“Mmmhmmm. Then why’s your text open?” he remarked. Damn Shannon and his sunglasses. He could never tell where his brother’s eyes were. And he knew Shannon liked it that way.

“You’ll think I’m insane,” he answered, looking over at him. 

Shannon scoffed. 

Buzz. “Angels are boring anyway :P” He bit back another laugh. 

“Uh, you’re like 40 years too late if you’re trying to prevent me from thinking that, my brother,” he said, turning his attention over as they stopped at a light.

He let out a small sigh, sending you a text first. “If they look like you, they’re *far* from boring.” They were close to the meeting point, so he sent a second as well. “Work calls. Text you later <3″ He set his phone aside, giving Shannon more of his attention. 

“I was looking through comments one day and I came up with the idea to create a “fan account” for the band. It’s all hidden identity, so no one knows who’s behind it. It’s a way to be able to talk to the Echelon, be there, and learn about them without being bombarded with shit on the band account or mine.” He saw Shannon’s eyebrows perk up from under his glasses. “I started talking to one girl, and she’s kinda amazing. Really well spoken, looks at life in a really interesting perspective, we can have little superficial cheesy conversations or really deep ones. She’s super artistic and passionate too, and gorgeous.” 

Shannon had turned back to the road as the light turned green. “Does she know it’s you?” he asked. 

“Nope. I avoid certain truths to be able to dodge her figuring it out.” 

His head turned in a way that told him that he was glancing over. “You don’t think that’ll get weird after a while? Not being able to send pictures or video chat? Maybe not even being able to talk on the phone, depending on how confident you are in your voice acting --”

“I think my different voices are pretty good,” Jared interrupted. 

“Okay, so you can do phone calls. But still puts you at kinda a standing point. One day she’s gonna wanna meet, or video chat. If you’re texting, I assume she’s somewhere in the US, so that only makes it more likely. It’s only a matter of time, man,” he pulled up to park. 

“She’s somewhere in California,” Jared admitted, grabbing his phone and anything else he needed before jumping out. “I dunno, maybe sometime it’d be nice to meet her. I mean, it’s not like dating other fans where it’s a concern if they have ulterior motives or preconceived notions of who I am. She can get to know me as a person before she actually knows who I am.” 

“Just be careful. Don’t want this blowing up in your face. The idea of the Instagram is a nice one, so long as you’re cautious,” Shannon said as they went inside.

“I know.” It was the end of the conversation for now. He checked his phone once more to see if you’d replied and you had “I’ll be thinking of you” with a few kissy face emojis.

Your POV 

Texting felt easier. It was also a surefire way to know if it was him or not, hearing the ringtone you’d set for him everytime he texted. Things were flirtier, and you were a little more into the idea that he was close. It was only about an hour away from LA, though you weren’t sure where exactly in LA. The map that had come up when you looked up the 310 area code covered a large area, and you just knew it was West LA, mostly in Los Angeles County and some of Orange County. 

You were doing some work when your phone chimed an hour later. “I may be free for the night. Now time for exploring one of LA’s many vegan restaurants.” He’d confessed to being vegan like Jared but said it was prior to getting into the band. You thought it was really cool and respectable since he wasn’t one of those “you’re going to hell for eating meat” vegans. 

“I’d love to check some out next time I’m in LA if you have any recommendations. Or maybe you can show me some...” you hinted.

There was a pause, but it was entirely possible he was driving. “Maybe” was all he said. Okay, was he being short cause he didn’t want to meet, or because he was driving like you thought?

“Though I might be sated by a video chat or phone call :p” you teased. He was so secretive about details of his life, and you tried to nudge him out of that. He acted plenty interested unless he was just a flirt. That made you feel a pang in your heart. No, it hadn’t been long, but you had really nice conversations. He had no problem talking about life with you, so long as it wasn’t his life. You’d text for hours about politics, or wildlife, or various other deep topics, but he was shy about talking about his job, or his home life. 

“Maybe one day :P” he teased back. 

That made you frown a little. “You know, I can’t figure out if you’re just super shy, or if you’re really like some 60-year-old dude who likes Mars and younger girls.” It was half teasing, and half serious. 

“I’m not a sixty-year-old guy, I promise,” well that text came quicker than the others.

“You’re under 50, right?” you confirmed. He’d sent a photo, but there were so many online, that didn’t mean anything.

“For a few more years,” he replied again, with a variety of laughing/tongue out emojis to show he was still goofing off.

You thought, trying to figure out other reasons he couldn’t talk on the phone (since he hadn’t confirmed the shy thing.) Another idea came to your head. “You are over 18? I think that’s a requirement for Camp Mars, anyway. And that’d be a lot of money for a teenager to spend too.” 

He sent a laughing emoji at the start of his text. “Yes. I’m not a teenager, over 18, and I’ll even say I’m over 21 if that makes you feel better. Don’t want you getting the wrong idea thinking you’re talking to a pre-teen.”

You rolled your eyes and sent an emoji to show as much. “You’d be a really mature pre-teen. Well. Sometimes.” 

““Sometimes”” he quoted the end of your text. “Yeah, probably accurate...”  He confessed.

You pondered it more as you did some work (him being used to replies getting slow at times.) After a few minutes, you picked up your phone again. “If you’re a girl, that’s okay too. I know some people are shy about their sexuality. Especially if they’re not out. I’m bisexual so it wouldn’t change anything.” You sent a follow-up text. “Or trans.” You really liked him and wanted him (or her?) to be comfortable with you. No matter what, he was someone who made you smile, feel cared about, and you had really nice conversations with. 

Your phone chimed with his ringtone and you looked at it. “Born a guy, and have identified as one for all 21+ years of my life, and don’t think that’s gonna change,” he confirmed. The breath of relief that followed wasn’t one that came from being genuinely worried Jay was a girl or trans, it was more about being worried that you were being lied to.

“Well, that makes me stumped on why you wouldn’t do a phone call then since you didn’t agree with the shy thing, Doesn’t have to be a video call.” 

There was another pause between the texts. “How about one tomorrow?” he responded.

You smiled, feeling satisfied with that. “Sounds perfect.” 

He responded a few minutes later. “I can call you after work? Normally about 8 or so?” 

“I’m off tomorrow, so any time is fine =)”

The rest of the night was spent talking about various other things. Things you wanted to see in LA, places he liked to go, Camp Mars had come back up and you discussed that he told you stories. When it started to get late, he said his goodnights and said he’d be dreaming of you.

Meanwhile he was also thinking he was in way over his head. 

[violetsystems]

#personal

Throughout this extended period of being alone, I’ve done a lot of reorganizing and downsizing.  It’s become a daily game of Tetris when it comes to how I utilize the space I have.  As the world gets smaller and more claustrophobic, the world inside gets more spacious.  I built a computer for the first time in years, piece by piece.  It’s a Ryzen 3600 with pink violet fans.  It sits next to the fifty inch screen lcd in front of a couch I appropriated from my next door neighbor.  I literally had to tetris it through the fence next to my unit.  I removed the slats and just angled it down the stairs into my home.  There was a time when my living room wasn’t really a living room.  My mom came over for the first time in what seems like months.  She seemed disoriented.  All the shit that was tacked to the walls was gone.  The one room she paused on was in transition.  I turned it into an exercise room a day later.  Now there are actual physical spaces within spaces I can go when I’m done with the world.  My porch is occupied by an ever multiplying Taro plant I found by the train yards.  Somebody had just left it there to die.  Now it shades the orange tabby that lounges on my doorstep all day.  There’s this feeling lately less of claustrophobia.  It’s still there.  You can’t ignore the neighbors.  People on my property have come to know just what I’ve been dealing with.  Even some people in the hood secretly know the drill.  But for the most part, it’s on me whether I want to participate in the constant reality show out there.  I’ve loaded my computer with years worth of music.  I woke up in the middle of the night to an email about a zero day vulnerability with my router.  I rolled out of bed, fixed it, and made coffee.  Flipping on the switch to flood my couch with pale violet light.  I read the news on the big screen and it still makes no sense.  I go out for groceries and it’s wall to wall cops.  Not like all over.  Just around me.  It’s like I’m my own personal parade at times.  And everyone seems to know what color flag I fly.  Nobody realizes I humor it for one person really.  And humor it is a little unlike me.  I just live these things.  I live in the love I feel and walk accordingly.  Or run.  Truth be told I haven’t been running more than two or three miles at a time.  When I do it’s through empty industrial plots of city land once occupied by public housing.  It’s easy to get lost over there.  The times when I feel most free in Chicago is when I’m off the map.  My apartment is a lot like that.  However visible I am out there, there is an understanding in my home that it’s safe.  Safe enough for wild animals to congregate on my porch.  Safe enough for crust punks to stage protests around under the watchful eye of their parents.  Safe enough for the future however chaotic and disorganized it may be.  You build around stability.  And unfortunately these days people have come to know me as one of the most predictably, unpredictable pillars of society out there.  

The truth is that I feel like a big red brick falling from the sky.  I rotate to land and connect.  And then I contort my shape and become something else.  These days I’ve landed and stayed put.  The sky itself seems to be falling everywhere around me.  And yet my life is pretty rock solid to a point.  It doesn’t mean people don’t still try.  Maybe it means more people understand how often people still do.  And why.  Nobody has ever given me a reason for anything I live through in isolation.  I only write about what I know.  And I don’t really know much.  Isn’t that the most romantic thing you ever heard?  Somebody having faith.  Belief.  Hope.  Inspiration to be patient.  That’s just how I am.  Stubborn maybe to some people.  But after all these years, there are people out there that exist only as a whisper to me.  They speak the loudest.  I’ve listened and made decisions based on this validation.  My own decisions on how to proceed and move forward.  And the agonizing truth for me to realize has been that I should do absolutely nothing.  At least on the surface.  Staying out of sight and out of trouble seems to be the most rewarding use of my privacy.  I quit instagram.  I didn’t go back.  Why explain that in more than a sentence?  I occasionally broadcast video games on my new computer on the weekends.  The AMD software makes it so ridiculously easy to do.  Not to mention I sent up a channel months ago as an experiment.  Nobody watches.  I make asynchronous content more so to understand how my professors deliver their lectures.  I’ve learned more about computers in the last three months than I have in years.  Computers are ultimately the very core of my career.  These days I’ll be working from home for the foreseeable future with a return in the Fall.  I’ve spent most of my time here online writing every week.  Sometimes to the community and sometimes to a very special person.  This place has become very special to me.  A place where I feel people understand the way I think.  Can respect why I choose to live the way I do.  Understand just how many bricks have been piled on top of me unfairly.  And probably understand more than anyone out there why it can be so alienating to be in the dark about everything.  And yet you’ve proven yourself to be right about your intention every step of the way.  Sometimes the power is in resigning yourself to the fate you have decided for yourself.  Listening to drum and bass mixes on your television at five in the morning and letting romance speak through your dashboard in code.  It all connects for me.  Privately and securely on a hush hush need to know basis.  I’m the only one who really knows.  And I’m pretty much ok with it.

The things that I do know are fairly boring.  I will be ok.  I am actually far more ok than I have been.  Although my sleep schedule is completely fucked up and I’m mildly depressed near all of the time.  That’s these times in a nutshell.  I know delivery is a hell of a lot easier than going to the grocery store.  I know Magic Arena is pretty much the game we always wanted but we’re afraid to ask for.  I know that nobody really listens to me or gets me other than a hardcore select few.  That’s the closest thing to a blockchain friendship anyone could ask for.  I know I’m loved.  That’s a real one to stop and think about deeply.  Because I’ve felt unloved at times.  We all do.  Lost and disconnected from real people and feelings.  Tough emotional bonds that don’t falter when it’s time to fake it for the cameras.  Or the gram.  Or the police.  Or whoever we’re trying to desperately impress this time.  Academia.  For profit news.  The CIA.  I don’t really care about any of that shit when it’s all said and done.  I care about actual people.  And people and relationships are complex.  So is living in the world today.  How does a person become sustainable and valued at the same time?  You can make all the money in the world one day and lose it the next.  Heidi Klum said it best.  One day you’re in.   The next day.  You know the rest.  I intended to be in from the very start.  Painfully consistent.  Ridiculously self aware.  The only person I was ever trying to impress knows just how much and why.  In that I became very self critical but not in a harsh, unloving way.  I changed things about myself when I thought about the people who mattered most to me.  Some of these people exist out there without me ever having to speak or acknowledge.  Those are boundaries I know not to pressure.  And over time those people know I’m open to whatever they choose to give me.  And I’ve grown close to people that way.  Very strange but beautiful bonds of trust without ever saying a word.  And ironically I’ve said too many over the years.  And yet very few know exactly what I’m talking about or addressing.  It’s just the life I’ve been living.  And honestly it’s been more alive than it has been.  You could be lying beside someone and be light years away.  And you can be staring at the same picture and understanding how it connects you.  It’s all very mysterious and scary at times.  But after awhile people come to know what you are about.  Especially when you blast drum and bass from your living room at five in the morning.  It’s called coffee.  It’s a stimulant.  Stay in school.  Build personal computers.  Connect to the ones you love on the internet.  It may be awhile before we’re completely back to normal. <3 Tim

[itsworn]

Greetings from the Grave with Mark Worman

Living the Dream

Greetings to you, my ghoulish Mopar-loving friends …

I want to start, as always, by thanking all of you for your support of Mopar Muscle magazine, Graveyard Carz, and Motor Trend. I wouldn’t be living the dream without the help, support, and feedback from each and every one of you. Yes, even negative feedback can be put to good use. My mom always said, “Truth bears investigation.” When I read something that isn’t positive, I try to be optimistic and consider it feedback. I don’t take personal offense; I use it as a constructive tool to assist me in improving the show and my articles.

Now, not all “non-positive” feedback is helpful. For example, last month MoparRick55 wrote me a direct email. This is an excerpt: “You have a huge nose and your stupid. You can’t dance and your not funny. You look like a Tucan Sam.” There’s more, but I won’t bore you. Normally, this wouldn’t bother me except that he misspelled “your.” I hate that. “Assman1970” tweeted me just before Christmas: “Since you dance so great, why don’t you dance your ass off TV and do us all a favor. Oh yeah, I hope you get canceled.” OK, just one more. “Nutsack4u” sent me a private message on Facebook that read, and I quote: “I have been a Mopar fan my entire life. I’ve owned lots of them and one thing is for sure, YOU SUCK! Your level of SUCK is only exceeded by your ability and desire to SUCK.” So you see, there’s really nothing I can do with that type of feedback — other than veer into oncoming traffic.

OK, let’s get this show on the road …

In recent years, I’ve noticed I’ve become more reflective, more nostalgic, perhaps even more sappy, as mom would always say. I don’t mean that in a self-deprecating way; it’s not meant like that, it’s just an observation forced on me. I find myself putting more thought into things of yesterday, rather than things of today. We build memories every day, no question, but without the advantage of reflection, we don’t always see details. I suppose it’s meant to be that way, kind of a cerebral filing system, I suppose. Whatever the purpose or intent, I’m here to say it works. Not only does it work in my case, but I’ve been fortunate enough to create a lot of files and so far, knock on wood, remember where they’re kept.

A special fish …

For those of you who’ve been avid watchers of the show over the years, you might remember a certain, adorable, little 1970 Barracuda convertible that we restored and unveiled in Season 4. It was EF8, Ivy Green Metallic, with a black manual convertible top, and black bucket seat interior. It may not have been the most expensive Mopar we’ve restored in our tenure on the show, but it certainly is one of my most memorable — not only for me, but the owners as well.

Tommy and Kimberly reached out to me in August of 2012, just two months after our series premiere on Velocity. They had seen the show and had a special car that needed to be helped along. The car had belonged to Kimberly’s father, Stan, who had bought it in the ’70s. He loved the car, which we all do to a degree if we’re pure-hearted car folks, but this car meant more to Stan. So since it meant so much to him, inherently, it meant the world to Kimberly.

During our hour-long phone call I learned about the car and Stan. He had just lost his battle with prostate cancer on August 31, 2011. His Barracuda had been parked for a long time and wasn’t driveable. As his illness progressed, Kimberly thought it was important for Stan to drive his beauty again, before time ran out. So she quickly found a local shop that could rebuild the engine and get the car roadworthy for him. And that’s precisely what happened.

Approximately a month or so before he died, Kimberly was able to take her father for his last ride in his beloved Barracuda. He was too sick to drive the car himself, so Kimberly drove him. He loved that car, and I can’t think of a more wonderful gift he could have received from his daughter and son-in-law — a memory that’s sure to last for lifetimes to come.

It wasn’t long after that we had our first telephone call. I know that in a world of “money matters,” the restoration needed on the car would’ve been, in truth, possibly more than that car’s value. That didn’t matter! It didn’t matter to Tommy and Kimberly, and it didn’t matter to me. Believing in their story and the dream, I made the necessary concessions to keep the restoration cost affordable. I asked for help on parts and materials, and our amazing vendors came through for us.

Big-hearted companies like Auto Metal Direct, PPG, Legendary Interiors, Instrument Specialties, and Tony’s Mopar Parts helped make this dream a reality. There was much more work ahead of us, but in the rearview mirror, I wouldn’t have traded the experience for gold.

The car itself was in pretty darn decent shape. It did have some rust that needed to be addressed, but not bad for its age or being a convertible (BH27). AMD supplied us with right and left foot wells, left and right quarter-panels, trunk floor, trunk floor extensions, and rear body panel. Tommy and Kimberly also wanted to upgrade the hood to the performance sport hood (J54); it was a standard flat hood car originally. The convertible top is a manual unit; yes, you read that right, no power top here. Although, power top (P37) was an option on the Barracuda. The top was in pretty dire straights, which isn’t unusual for the drop-tops. We disassembled the unit, cleaned, lubricated, and adjusted it, then installed a new top, compliments of Legendary Interiors.

This was an air conditioning car as well (H51), so we had our friends at Original Air Group help with restoring the components. New interior, rebuilt and restored original 383 2bbl engine, rebuilt and detailed transmission and rear axle — all just part of the job. One of the most notable items we had restored was the dash assembly. Our friends at Instrument Specialties outdid themselves. This was a standard, non-Rallye dash but air-condition style. The work was impeccable and truly a work of art. I could go on for hours about what’s involved in a restoration of this level, but I’ll let the pictures and our reputation speak for itself.

In the end, the dream was fulfilled. We revealed the car to Kimberly and Tommy in a very special episode of Graveyard Carz that aired on the Velocity channel during Dream Car Week. We thought it was appropriate to make a special episode to air during a special event on the network, because of the backstory of the car and the love Stan had for it. To date, it’s one of our highest-rated episodes of our 10 seasons and counting.

I lost my mother in April of 2018 after a five-month battle with the same selfish, heartless, soulless, effing disease: cancer. There are no words, no condolences, nor empathy to ease the pain or help cope with the loss. The death of a parent is monumental, and it changes us. We may not recognize the change because our gut-level value system is obdurate; nonetheless, we change. The good news is we have those wonderful memories that we carry close to our hearts, always.

Perhaps our present is different now, but our past will always be the same. For Kimberly and Tommy, they’ll always have the fond memories of a wonderful father and the years they had together. And equally important, the ability to forge new memories, as the three of them set off every summer for new adventures in the family car.

Fender Tag read left to right, bottom to top:

E61 383-2 290hp D32 727 3-speed A/Trans BH27 Barracuda Convertible L0B 383 2bbl-1970-Hamtramck Michigan 194905 VIN Sequence EF8 Ivy Green Metallic H6X9 Vinyl Bucket Seats Black 000 Full Door Panels B19 Scheduled Production Date November 19, 1969 011375 Vehicle Order Number V3X Convertible Top Black B51 Power Brakes C16 Center Console C55 Bucket Seats G33 LH Outside Chrome Racing Mirror Remote H51 Air Conditioning M91 Luggage Rack R11 AM Radio-AM Music Master Y05 Build to specifications for the U.S. 26 26-inch radiator EN1 End of sales code

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