#I will detonate like a bomb and take out the nearest 3 blocks <3

[enderspawn]

dreys fuckin final words to baby chip were “close your eyes, bud. it’ll be done soon”

[arianasgrnds]

Manchester Arena Attack - My Experience

On Monday 22nd May 2017, a bomb was detonated inside the foyer of Manchester Arena following an Ariana Grande concert that I had attended. This is my story.

For around 3/4 years I have been desperate to see Ariana in concert, but I never had gotten the chance to, until she announced her Dangerous Woman Tour which included a date in Manchester, approximately 44 miles away from my hometown Leeds. I ordered my tickets on the bkstg pre sale on 26th November 2016 and the countdown started until the day my dream was going to come true, none of my friends were fans of her so I begged my boyfriend to come with me, he knew how much it meant to me to see her and agreed to come with me. 

We decided to go there for the day and explore Manchester a bit and get food before we went to the concert, we had previously visited Manchester in September to see McFly on their Anthology Tour and only got to explore a little of Manchester, but we fell in love with the city. We booked tickets to go to a Cat Cafe in the afternoon, but other than that our plan was just to walk around and go into a few shops. 

The night before the concert I was up until around 1am panicking because I had a gut feeling that something was going to go wrong, however I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks so I just put it down to that and I was already anxious about taking the train there. As we were waiting for the bus into the city centre to get our train I told my boyfriend about how I was feeling through the night and that I was panicking something was going to go wrong such as losing our tickets, missing our train, getting stranded etc and I was scared I was going to have a panic attack as I had had one at McFly in September and when we went to see You Me At Six in October 2016, but he assured me everything would be fine and we went to get our train. 

When we arrived in Manchester we were both excited to explore and go to the Cat Cafe, we went into a few shops and walked around the city centre then went to the Cat Cafe. After the Cat Cafe we went to Pizza Hut for tea, there was a group of girls on a table next to us wearing Ariana merchandise and I began to get suuuuper excited that I was finally going to see her in a few hours. 

We went from Pizza Hut straight to the arena and queued to get into the venue, doors were supposed to open at 6:30pm but they were running late so we got in around 7:30pm, got some soft drinks, went to the toilet and sat in our seats. At this point I started feeling really anxious, my way of dealing with this was to get up and walk to and from the toilets just outside of the entrance near our block, I did this several times until Victoria Monet and BIA came on, still feeling quite anxious whilst waiting for Ariana’s countdown to start. 

Ariana’s 10 minute countdown video started playing and I felt a lot better due to the excitement of finally seeing an artist I had looked up to for so long, I had been counting down for months to this moment that I was going to be in the same room as her. She came onstage and I was ecstatic, she was amazing, my favourite part was Knew Better part 2/Forever Boy, I sung so loud and was so so so happy and in awe of her, she hit every note effortlessly whilst dancing perfectly in high heels, how? I don’t know. 

Her last song was Dangerous Woman, she said goodbye etc then over the speakers they started playing Dangerous Woman as people started to exit the arena. I had bought a DWT hoodie and shirt that they had put into a JD bag, before the show my boyfriend thought to push it under his seat so it was safe, when he stood up as she came on stage, he accidentally pushed the bag further under his seat so we were trying to get it out. We were due to be getting the 11:30pm train from Manchester Victoria back to Leeds so we had around an hour before we had to get our train, we had planned to wait in the foyer where McDonalds etc was, the foyer where the bomb was detonated. 

We finally got my merch out and started walking up the stairs of our block (block 105) to exit when the terrorist detonated the bomb. Under my feet I felt this vibration so powerful that I had never felt anything like, the arena which was previously filled with excited chatter, happiness and laughter from a room full of fans who had just seen their favourite artist went silent, but only for a second, then it went loud again, but this time it wasn’t excited chatter anymore, it was panic. Everyone started screaming and when I looked above us there were people jumping off of the balconies to try and get out of the arena, my reaction was to grab my boyfriends hand and run after saying to him “we need to run or we’re going to die” 

Security didn’t know what to do, but they were asking us not to run down the stairs, there were children screaming and crying, their parents trying to console them whilst hiding their own fear. We ran to the fire exit and through some corridors (this part is a blur to me) when we came to a stand still. I asked a member of staff what had happened and got told it was “just a tactical throw”, I also overheard someone saying a speaker had blown, but I thought it was either a shooting or a bomb. There was a strange smell of burning which I can’t describe, I had never smelt a burning smell like that before. 

A girl in front of us was covered in other people’s blood whilst a crowd of people surrounded her asking if she was okay, my boyfriend asked her if she was okay and what had happened but she was too in shock to reply. We then started running again before coming to a stop once again, I looked to the right of us and there was a middle aged man holding a white Ariana shirt to his head, the shirt was red with blood and there was a puddle of blood at his feet as well as blood on the floor around him. I looked back in front of me and still holding my boyfriends hand began running again until we finally managed to get out of the arena. 

We didn’t know which way it was to Manchester Victoria as we had come through a fire exit, everyone was panicking and screaming in fear as an announcement played over speakers telling us to evacuate the building. My boyfriend asked a security guard which way Manchester Victoria was and we ran that direction until we were outside Manchester Victoria, which had gone into lockdown. We stood outside Manchester Victoria trying to calm down and figure out what to do as we tried calling my Dad, because even if our train wasn’t cancelled, we didn’t want to get it and I was desperate to see my Dad. My phone wasn’t ringing at first so my boyfriend tried to call him on his phone, after a few calls to the house phone and his mobile he answered and he said to my Dad “something has happened in Manchester and we need you to come and get us” it was at this point it sank in what had actually happened and I broke down. 

I spoke to my Dad and he said he was on his way and to send him the postcode for Manchester Victoria, I googled it and sent it over to him, then a group of armed police ran past us shouting at everyone to move so I suggested we ran to the nearest hotel. I asked a policeman if there was any safe place we could go and he replied “no, you need to get out of the city, now!” So we started running again, we didn’t even know where we were going because the times I had been to Manchester Arena in the past my parents had taken me there and picked me up, we just ran. 

We ended up at the Travelodge hotel we had stayed at when we came to see McFly for 3 days in September, the lobby was packed with people trying to get last minute rooms because they were stranded and people just wanting a safe place like we were. We sent my Dad the address, sat in the bar area and got drinks as everyone crowded around the tv to watch the news because at this point, you couldn’t escape what had happened because it was on every news channel. Breaking news. I was in the middle of something that tv and radio channels all over the world had stopped everything to cover. On the news it said 19 was dead and 50 something were injured, everyone in the lobby started crying again and holding those close to them, when a little girl ran into the lobby who had gotten separated from her Mum and sister. This girl looked around 10 years old and it broke my heart because she was one of thousands of other children her age and younger who were at the concert that night. 

I checked my phone and had messages from hundreds of people asking if I was okay, people offering to come and get me and my boyfriend too, the support that we were offered was so overwhelming. People were opening up their homes for those stranded, taxi drivers offering free lifts home to as far as Liverpool and Sheffield, hotels opening up their lobbies for victims and survivors and looking after children that had gotten separated from the adults they were with. 

After what felt like hours and hours, my Dad called us letting us know he was in Manchester but couldn’t get to us because all of the roads had been blocked off into the city centre, thanks to police we managed to finally find him around half an hour later of walking around, as soon as I saw him I ran up to him and hugged him tighter than I ever have done before. He was still in his pyjamas because he couldn’t get dressed properly he was rushing so much to get to us. We got in the car and I cried the whole way home, then sat up until 5am watching the death toll go up. For about a week after it happened I became obsessed with checking the news for updates to a point where I was waking up several times during the night to check.

Since it happened I have nightmares and flashbacks every night, even after over a month, so I’m hoping that this post will help me because this is the first time I’ve fully shared my story. I’m scared to click post, but it’s something I need to do. I think about the victims and their familes every day and probably will do for the rest of my life.

We were given free tickets to One Love Manchester, my Dad took us so we could leave at any point, but we ended up staying until the end. Once we got inside I was fine, but leaving I started to have flashbacks of that night and panicked. People passing by, complete strangers, even stopped to ask if I was okay, everyone was so united and looking after each other. 

One Love Manchester was so important because it helped me, my boyfriend and thousands of others that experienced that night heal. I’m so proud of every person that returned to go to One Love Manchester and of course, of Ariana, who is such a brave and strong woman, her strength inspires me. I loved her so much before this experience, but she means so much more to me now than she did. Her concert was one of the best/worst nights of my life, but I won’t let it stop me going to concerts, concerts have been my happy place for as long as I can remember and the next time she tours I won’t hesitate to buy tickets, I’m going to get meet and greet and squeeze her to tightly. We can’t let hate win.