#I’m not 100% good in the brain rn and my energy is Low

[redhotarsenic]

Guess I’m doing dmc4 lady lmao I can easily foresee what the results are gonna be by the time the poll closes

[kinetic-elaboration]

March 15: Thoughts on Fandom

Not feeling too well this evening but hopefully a good night's sleep will make me feel better and tomorrow will be low key and chill. And my hot water will be fixed successfully.

I was thinking today about how I've felt for a long time that I'm 'between fandoms' even though technically, literally, I'm not. I continue to write and read for The 100 but I don't entirely feel like I'm in the fandom. Sometimes I think I should just leave officially, but then I think--but to go where? And "Star Trek" seems both an obvious and an incorrect answer. It's like I'm not truly invested anywhere, but in a sort of limbo-like space.

Anyway, so I broke it down like this.

I want 3 three things from "fandom," broadly speaking:

1. To engage with media that I really love.

Examples: waiting for new installments (for ongoing media); rewatching or rereading; obsessing over how great the characters or stories are, dissecting plot lines and themes.

2. To engage with a fan community that also loves the media I love.

Examples: reading fanfiction; reading meta; engaging in online discussions; reading other people's excited posts; following blogs relating to the media in question; reblogging gifsets/graphics/fan art

3. To engage creatively with the source material through transformative works.

Example: writing fanfiction.

Ideally, I'd have one piece of media that fulfills all of these purposes. That was T100 for me for a while. But then I stopped watching the show in late S4, and got farther and farther away from the 'current' fandom. And then the show ended, and on such a sour note, so that the fandom itself, the fan community, started changing. And at the same time, I started getting seriously back into Star Trek again.

So now I'm in this place, where I'm still at least kind of engaged in all three aspects of the fandom experience, but not in a unified way.

Star Trek is fulfilling the first purpose of fandom for me, right now. I'm loving rewatching TOS, and the AOS movies too, and I just have a lot of Emotions about the characters and universe. It's that good kinda excitement that a show (or book or movie or whatever) that you really love always gives. Like--ahh!!! I cannot feel anything else but just happiness because I love this so much!

BUT I'm not engaging with ST in either the second or third sense of fandom. I follow a couple ST blogs but there aren't many truly active TOS/AOS centric blogs out there right now. I don't read any ST fanfic because, well, first of all I never really did, and second, I'm far enough behind on my T100 fic! And I have rl people like my mom and B to talk about it with, but not really anyone on tumblr or wherever who's into it like I am.

And though I've vaguely plotted and poked at some fic ideas, I haven't done any real ST writing in a long time--again because I have ideas for T100 that I need/want to get to first, and I'm not writing so much anyway now in general.

On the other hand, T100 is definitely NOT fulfilling function (1) for me and hasn't in a long time. When I stopped watching the show, I still engaged with the canon a little. I watched other people get excited or debate or discuss. I noticed the patterns of fandom as the show went into and out of hiatus. Plus, I still enjoyed the early seasons and liked early-canon and canon-divergent fics (reading and planning/writing). But even that is largely fading for me. I've been trying to rewatch the show but it's not really doing anything for me... I have a hard time getting into it. The canon-divergent fics I'm writing for the collab are not interesting me in the least, either.

I realized today that most of my fic ideas, or at least most of the fic ideas I really care about in any way, are so far removed from the canon they might as well be original fiction with some familiar names thrown in. The one exception is the Ark AU, but everything else is some form of extreme AU, modern or otherwise. I don't even know that the characters make me feel much of anything anymore. I've been toying with how to explain this for a while but... I feel like both for me personally and the fandom as I perceive it, the characters are more like a shared vocabulary, rather than actual characters from a source material we all love. I think this is partially because the fandom is old enough now to have some very long standing shared headcanons, and either small enough or bifurcated enough for fanwork creators to influence each other more than the canon influences them, and partly because the show ending on a sour note for most viewers has left the people who remain in the fandom with a sense that these characters are OURS and that the value of them is in how we collectively decide to use them now, rather than in how they are tied to the universally derided source material.

I'm not saying any of this is BAD, I'm just saying, that's how it is now, from my perspective.

I'm sort of engaging with the fan community (2) through T100, but... it's a little weird. I have people I legitimately like and enjoy talking to on tumblr who I know through T100 and of course there are events like Troped that I really love. I have a ton of cool fic bookmarked too and I'm getting back into reading it. But my dash has a lot less T100 content than it used to and sometimes I'll find myself j-ing very fast through it because I'm just not in the mood. I know a lot of people are either semi-disengaging, like I am, or wholesale moving on to other things. So it's like... the community straggles on, but it's uncertain at best.

And as far as engaging creatively (3)--to the extent that I write or plan fic it's almost all T100. But I haven't... I haven't been finding it easy to write. In general. This is a little hard to explain but.. when I think "I need to leave T100 fandom and really force myself to go somewhere else" it's usually because I feel like I'm not really getting what I need creatively out of the fandom. I like a lot of my wips and unstarted ideas, in theory at least, but the closer I look at some of them the more... herculean the task of actually writing them starts to seem. And tbh I rarely just... tell myself little stories about these characters or within these potential-fic scenarios. Like in all my idle, free thought time--when I'm washing dishes or taking a walk or a shower or going to sleep, when I want to think about something nice and fictional and not let the worries in... when I'm really engaged with a fandom, I'll imagine little scenes and tell myself little stories during these times. Sometimes they're scenes I want to eventually make into or include in a fic. Other times they're not. But they're still an extension of my creative life.

And I haven't really done that for T100 in a while. Sometimes I imagine Star Trek scenarios. Sometimes I retreat into highly silly comfort scenarios with original characters. But I only think about T100 when I specifically need to brainstorm for a fic. And that makes the fic feel more like work. And that makes me want to do it less.

So... I'm not sure what that will mean for me getting back into my projects when I finally (FINALLY) finish the last of my obligations. Maybe when I feel like I can actually make progress on old wips or ideas I care about, I'll get more invested in them. I was pretty damn invested in Mountain Lion Mean and that wasn't that long ago, so it is still possible. But overall, T100 definitely doesn't have, and probably never will have again, a total monopoly on my brain the way it did c.2016.

Which is fine. Like... it's more than fine. I've been here a while. What I'm trying to articulate to myself with all this is that the dissatisfaction I feel with my fandom life is probably stemming from the lack of one, coherent obsession. I have stuff to read, stuff to write, stuff to think about, stuff to talk about, and even a small fandom community of people I like--so what's the problem, right?? It's because it's not all coming from the same piece of media and that's not as clear and coherent and nice for me.

Plus, it makes writing more difficult when I do want to write these particular ideas, but I'm only motivated by own desire to see the ideas realized, not my genuine love for the characters and the material from which they derive. There's a certain energy that fannish activity has... but T100 fic barely feels like a fannish activity to me rn. Just another type of work. It's a work I'm invested in...but I just so often don't have it in me to WORK at all, is the thing.

So that's the biggest annoyance about it. I haven't really experienced this before so even though this situation has been forming for a while, I still don't really know what to do with it.

[phoebehalliwell]

Do you think the next gen kids would have a familiars? What kind of non magical pets do you think they would have?

the way i like to view familiars in general is like. they come to you when you are in a situation where you need guidance, as both like an emotional support animal and as like. y’know a lil guard cat or just some sorta being that offers advice in it’s own lil way, kinda like how kit would hiss at evil, even when the charmed ones couldn’t detect it. so, as the the majority of the next gen have really grown up around magic, and are familiar and comfortable with it, i don’t think any of them have really had familiars yet bc there’s been like no need for such guidance. i think they all might end up with familiars at one point or another after they move out, maybe not like Right Away, but like when they inevitably end up hitting one point of crisis or another.

i think wyatt’s familiar would definitely be a cat, and i think wyatt would give it like a really cutesy and sorta stereotypical cat name like y’know mittens or mochi or mr. whiskers that type of thing. i think his familiar would come to him after you know he’s completed college he’s moved out he’s doing fine he’s a good witch blah blah blah everything’s chill and then like. boom. something’s triggered some sort of crisis of faith or distorted self image where wyatt is just like really scared that maybe him becoming evil is something that destiny wills and there’s no way that he can separate himself from the darkness that is inside of him and one day it’s gonna take hold and it’s gonna be more than he can bear yada yada yada he’s spiraling cat.

it think chris’s familiar would also be a cat and i think chris would give it like a really dumb name low effort like it’s probably just gonna be named cat unless bianca names the cat first (and if bianca names the cat it’s going in two possible directions either she gives the cat like a proper real quasi witchy name like sage or ostara or she names the cat chris jr and chris is like I Am Not Calling The Cat Chris Jr but then finds himself calling the cat chris jr and is just like 😡😡) i’m not sure really when chris would get a familiar clearly i’ve implied he’s with bianca in some manner at this point bc like. chris is a really good witch. like obvi he’s moody and in distress at all hours or whatever but it’s more to do with his personal relationships and less to do with his relationship to the craft, so i don’t think anything in his life really warrants a familiar. however, after he meets bianca i think there’s definitely sorta a shift in his world view bc while she’s a witch too the way she practices and just the basic way she engages w magic / magic engages w her is so distinctly different than anything chris has ever know that now he really just want to know more. like now that he knows there’s more out there he’s invested. also i think the two of them have just like a lot of grand dramatic adventures so the day to day peril level has definitely increase warranting a familiar

for melinda i would actually love to see her familiar be a bird maybe like a bluejay or something idk why i just think it’d be cute esp for a witchlighter and i love the idea of her just sorta whistling tunes and it whistling back and everyone being like lmao alright miss disney princess or whatever 🙄🙄 i think she might actually name the bird after a disney sidekick or something that could be the name of a disney sidekick i think she’s put a lot of effort and thought into the name. i’m not really sure when she would get one like obvi the transition to college would be a good time idk i may or may not write one in i just gave her a new whitelighter for this move so like i don’t think there’s an overwhelming need for a second guide but at the same time the more i think ab it the more i really like the idea of her having this bird

next on the docket i guess is tamora who i actually do have plans for giving a familiar but it wouldn’t be until she moved out bc she presently still lives at home with her parents all that blah blah blah it’s a very comfortable environment with magic sorta just like imbued in the walls all that but when she moves out she’s like what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck very taylor swift’s never grow up verse three energy and i was Also gonna give her a cat bc what can i say i feel like she’s a cat person and i think she might give the cat a person name like lilah or charlie or something

kat on the other hand would probs have a dog as her familiar maybe like a medium sized one like 45lbs if that reference helps and honestly i’m picturing like a pittie or a bull terrier one of those types of dogs bc i think kat is like really stubborn and loyal and i want a stubborn and loyal dog to match also i find those breed adorable. rn i have kat just gallivanting around the world in sorta a quest of personal discovery so while it could warrant a familiar there’s just a lot of travels rn and i feel like it’s not a good like practical situation to have a animal around y’know But she also might be moving again soon and maybe this location will be a bit more permanent so maybe it’s time to bring in a familiar?? hers might also be a shared familiar w a future roommate

okay i’m throwing in an honorary henry jr piece bc he’s not a witch so he doesn’t get a familiar but i think after he moves out he finds a stray dog and brings it in maybe like a lucky/pizza dog situation and he always jokes that the dog is his familiar and he’s probably give it a wiccan name maybe he finds the dog on beltane and names it after the holiday blah blah blah the point is when the times comes for beltane and henry to say goodbye & it’s really sad and all that when henry takes his dog collar home on the back of the nametag he finds and intricately carved triquetra and feels the presence of his dog briefly pass by

okay onto pj pj isn’t actually a horse girl but like emotionally she is if she was raised in like sonoma instead of san francisco her familiar would 100% be a horse. but she lives in the city. so she’s not getting a horse. i also really like the idea or her familiar being a doe but once again. urban living isn’t necessarily compatible with that. so like. cat dog or bird i think. i think i like dog the best but i think more like a playful goofy dog less like kat’s or henry’s and maybe more like a corgi?? and honestly pj would probably name her dog cheddar as i think she’s voted most likely to name things after tv characters

okay i wanna give parker a ferret i wanna give parker a ferret and i want her to know it like rascal or something i have no idea when this ferret would come into play again probs after she moves out but as parker is like 16 i have put little to no brain power in figuring out what her moving out looks like or entails i just like the idea of a squirmy wormy chaos ferret.

snake. look, i really want one of the kids to have a snake as their familiar, and i’ve come to the conclusion that it’s gotta be peyton. i don’t know why, i just feel it in my jellies. and i think peyton would definitely be freaked The Fuck out by the snake suddenly in her apartment but i think she’d end up growing so comfortable around it that she forgets it’s like weird and sometimes people just come over and there’s like a giant ass snake vibing on the kitchen counter and they’re like !!!! and she’s like oh yeah meet like rupert or bartholomew or some other name that just feels like really old or something

as far as non-magical pets, i think piper’s family would be mostly like to have one (i think probably a dog) as not only do they just like feel like a family that would have a pet they’re also the only ones who live in A House (i personally picture both paige and phoebe’s families living in like apartments like not Apartment Apartments but y’know it’s like a singular floor is yours and it looks like a proper house it’s just like a whole bunch of them stack on top of each other y’know the point being they don’t necessarily lend themselves to pets). i think second most likely to have pets is paige & henry’s family bc i feel like henry would be the type of guy to have always wanted a dog bc like given his whole situation growing up in the system being a foster kids bouncing around from place to place never really feeling like he had a family or home so like a sign of stability and finality and comfort and all that to him would be having a pet. and he strikes me as a dog person. phoebe and coop win least likely to have a pet if they did it’d probably be a cat just bc i feel like phoebe didn’t really grow up with pets and coop didn’t grow up at all really so it wasn’t really something that crossed their minds however if the girls brought it up and like begged for a pet i think they’d be game

also you didn’t ask but i am writing a dency story and she does have a familiar it’s a cat he lives with her & her roommate his name is bozo and he only has one eye

[harryisntstraight]

Hey bethan, i really like you and your blog and know you went through a rough patch with mental illness and so i would like to know how you deal with the guilty of it all? I mean i have had depression for the last 4 years and during this time my life stopped. I didn’t work and took little classes on uni and all i feel it’s guilt for all the time i lost. Like i changed majors like crazy and just wasted so much timeee it’s driving me crazy

omg hi thank u for the message, i resonate v deeply with what you’re saying and i don’t know how good of a solution i can give u bc it’s something i’m still trying to find out for myself. i am/was in a really similar situation where i feel like i’m years behind and am only just starting to catch up again, like same my life basically stopped i dropped out of uni lost contact w so many friends and just wasnt working towards anything at all and my life was basically just on pause for like.....2 years bc i was just numb and thought i was gonna die anyway so it didnt matter. BUT.... i think whats really important (and really hard) to do is to kind of learn to take a step back and think about things logically. like sometimes i feel such huge guilt for dropping out of uni and like u it drives me crazy 2 think i just wasted like almost three years of my life buuuut in reality it was what needed to happen. like if i look at it logically had i finished uni how different would life really be? like yeah i’d have a degree but i’d probably be even more anxious and depressed and frustrated bc i would have spent all that time overworking myself not listening to my brain and doing what i needed to do. like if i had finished and gotten a degree i would probably be in a similar situation where i’d still be depressed and not have the energy or motivation to get into a good career and so then i’d still feel like i’d been wasting my time by pushing myself to get a degree. does that make sense at all? idk i think i’m trying to learn to not be so idealistic when i think about what could have been and i think thats something that could help you too. like yeah you could have taken more classes and worked harder but realistically how much difference would that have even made to the way you feel and where you are now? we always tend to think ‘oh it could have been so much better if i had done this’ but maybe it could have actually been worse. if anything maybe you should feel proud for understanding your own limits and capacity and not forcing yourself into situations that could have pushed you over a line. and as cliche and corny as it sounds it’s never too late..... for me i feel like i truly am recovering rn and in a much better place and although i’m not 100% ready to ‘sort my life out’ and go after my dreams or whatever it’s exciting to think that maybe i could do that soon. i feel like i needed those 2ish years of stagnancy to give myself time to breathe. like i’m a better version of myself now than i think i ever have been and thats the person i want to take forward. like i think although you might feel like those 4 years were wasted they really werent, the person you are today and the person you’re gonna become was growing and developing in those 4 years and they were a necessary step to get you to a place that you’re comfortable. like having lows is an essential part of having highs. i think i’m just rambling now sdjfhsdjkfh i dont know! i hope this helped a bit and i’m so sorry u went through a tough time and genuinely i really hope things are better for you now or at least getting there 💖

[i-amusemyself]

All Emoji Asks.

🐰 what is one secret youve never told anyone?I don't really have that many secrets. I guess theres a side of my personality that I spend a lot of energy supressing like hell that I hate with a passion.💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?Right now? My best friend right next to me or my friend back home.🐹 what are some of your favourite pokemons and why?I mean, I only ever played pokemon go, but from that I loved the squirtles and the evees just bc theyre cute af🌠 if you were in charge of the world what would it be like?A lot more chilled out. Chill pills would be mandatory.👀 what was the most recent vivid dream you had?Okay I had two freaking weird ones the other night?In one I was a 10 y/o muslim girl going to a new primary school and while I was there I started raising money for a cancer charity.In the other I was taking a really hard A level maths exam and getting stressed and mad bc everyone kept talking and I couldnt finish it in time.☀ what do you like most about your best friend?EVERYTHING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Idk, I guess how forgiving and layed back she is. She always tries to understand and see things from your point of view.😘 talk about your crush or partnerLmao I'm alone 😂 I do have a crush but its a million miles from mutual so like, shes amazing but boi it hurts 😂💁 if someone was rude to you would you be rude back?Depends on how well I know them and what they're like tbh. I'll banter, but I avoid confrontation.🌟 what do you like about yourself? (3 things)😂😂😂 wow erm...1. I always try and put in all the energy I have if someone/something needs it2. I make loads of terrible puns its gr93. I really dont have any other qualities idk🐾 what are you scared of most? How will you overcome it?👏 I'm terrified of abandonment 👏 aaaand as of yet I have no idea how to deal with it ngl🎁 what never fails to make you happy?Really good stand up commedy or my favourite music💙 what annoys you about some people?Their complete lack of self-awareness. Idk, maybe I'm low key jealous too but srsly some people????😤 do you get angry easily?Yeah. I keep pretty good tabs on it so you probs wouldnt know it, but if something upsets me, chances are I'm hella pissed too.🐇 what do you always daydream about?Dramatic and upsetting situations or drunk situations 😂🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?1. Sort out equality and all that jazz2. Divide up the land more equally, bc it pisses me off that some people are living in tiny cramped shacks and others have 100 mile square farms.3. End capitalism and with that make all necessary services free.🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?Anon?✈ what is your dream city and why?I mean Ive always wanted to go to copenhagen but theres no guarantee its gonna be my fave. My fave so far is Amsterdam bc its so peaceful and the architecture is to die for.☕ talk about your ideal day?Spend it with my best friend/crush. Lay in bed late and be lazy and watch good TV/movies. Maybe go out in the afternoon to not go stir crazy and entertain ourselves. Stay up kinda late talking about deep shit, lying underneath the stars.🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?Ambivert!💧 when was the last time you cried?Yesterday lmao 😂 i havent gone more than 2 days without crying in the past week 😧 I just got myself into a nice Depression Episode.🎵 name 5 songs you like atm?Argh I havent listened to music in so long (7 days...) umm so things i wanna listen to- youth by daughter- voices by Motionless in white- living dead girl by rob zombie- corpse roads by keaton hensen- lost boy by troye sivan⚡ if you had any superpower what would it be and why?Mind reading bc my anxiety would be halved.💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?I'd tell myself to stop trying to fit in and be like everybody else because the people I know are just a tiny portion of the population and really aren't much to aspire to. I'd tell myself to drop all my shitty friends because it would stop me from dealing with a lot of crap later on. I'd point myself in the right direction of the better people 😂I'd teach myself how to stand up for myself and how to not take any crap.And I'd give myself a hug and tell myself it's okay not to be cishet, because maybe if I could turn back time and start to deal with it earlier I'd be okay with it now.💚 who are you jealous of and why?A lot of people really, with qualities I don't have.I suppose one kid in particular is like, everything i want to be. Kind, hillarious, confident, close to people I love. 💎 what would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? Why?Bravery or kindness?? Its hard to have one without the other. Also beauty ngl bc im fugly.🙊 what are you ashamed of?My gender and sexuality 👏🌺 which languages do you know? Which do you want to learn?I know english and spanish and I'm learning Danish. Hopefully once I'm okay at danish I can learn arabic. Ill be satisfied after that 😂☘ if you could be any fictional characters friend/lover who would it be and why?I mean, theres plenty of fictional lesbians where im like 😏👀 but honestly if I had to pick only one person I'd choose Kieren Walker from in the flesh bc he needs a friend and I relate to him so strongly.☁ talk about your dream universe.Mental and physical illness doesnt exist. People arent dicks. Everything is free. No one feels unloveable.💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?Idk I'm p much done for the day 😂 I've been helping out around the house all day tho🐬 if you could transform into any animal what would it be and why?I mean i might be biased but either a dog or a sloth bc they get to sleep all the time 😂🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike.Someone I was best friends with for 4 years suddenly turned around and stabbed me in the back, made up shit about me, arranged that all my friends not talk to me for a fortnight, sent group emails stuffed with emotional manipulation and blamed me for her suicidal thoughts. I nearly ended it. Now I get to watch my friends still loving her like she isn't the world's most heartless person. It makes my blood boil.😣 talk about something that has been making you depressed/angry/anxious.I'm staying with my best friend rn and I can't stand the thought of going home.🍪 what did you want to be as a kid and what do you want to be now?I wanted to be a nurse and now I wanna be a doctor 👏 variety 👏🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?I cant really eat sugar 😂 so fuck knows? Chocolate?🍑 what are you obsessed with?Brains, thought processes, psychopaths, graveyards and more 😂💘 what happens to you when youre stressed?I just get really emotional and start agressively making lists everywhere in an attempt to sort my life out.😪 what are you sick of?Humanity.🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?Yeah its terrible 😂 i hate anxiety but I also kinda love it when my heart races.💥 what are some unpopular opinions you have?I....dont? I cba with discourse lifes too short.☔ would you consider yourself a good person?I think anyone with good intentions is usually a good person so yeah😊 what do you do as hobbies?Sleep, binge watch netflix and blog 😂🎤 whats the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?👏👏👏 Mr Brightside 👏👏👏 what a jam 👏👏👏🐝 whats your worst trait?Being waaayyy too clingy.🌷 whats your mbti personality type and why do you think it suits you?ISFJ and yeah defo, its the defender and I feel that tbh🐶 send me 3 fictional people and ill choose my favourite.Anon?👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?Kaitlyn Alexander is my bae.Besides that I dont really....obsess over any celebrities? Eliza taylor is doing p good 😂 ummm also some youtubers? Do they count?🐴 opinion on __?Its a great bit of punctuation.🍋 do you consider yourself to be an emotional person?Lmfaoooooo YES📚 share 3 books you love and your favourite quotes from them.M8. Thats not gonna happen 😂 I love any book that makes me cry but I cannot quote a single word.😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? Does it work?Find a quiet corner, shut my eyes and listen to my Depression Playlist. It doesn't always make me feel better but it helps me ride it out.🙂 what thoughts keep you going when you're sad?The thoughts of uni and that I'll hopefully meet some great new people. Also my best friend. Just in general 😂🌎 which country do you live in?England.🐧 describe yourself in 3 words?Awkward, tall and shy.🙉 what quotes changed you?"Pick your fights" bc as much as its a meme it helps me chill outAlso "everything is temporary" and "the sun will rise and we will try again".💭 do you keep a diary?I have a personal blog which acts as a diary yeah💫 who inspires you?Kaitlyn Alexander!! (Listen theyre like the first nb representation I ever knew and I relate so much to everything they say and theyre so cute and talented)👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?I mean, my initial response is no. Because we're just bags of flesh made up of cells and when we die those cells die so theres nothing to live on.But tbh we know so little about the universe I'm open to the possibility of anything at this point.🎀 whats your fashion sense like?Dior. I know what clothes I like and think look good but I never like them on me.🎬 what are some of your favourite films?Deadpool, My sisters keeper, pitch perfect 2 ermm🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?UmmmmmmmmmmmmWhen I first got my bunny, that was an amazing day!!🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?Um my soulmate? Where are they at?