#I’ve been taking selfies at the same awkward ass angle with the head tilt since 2007 and now my body doesn’t know how to do it any differen

[averygayaccountant]

Trimmed my beard and felt cute 🤷🏻‍♂️

[tysonbaerrie]

say you love me (and i’ll shut the hell up)

A lovely anon requested Bennguin confessing their feelings at Jamie’s wedding. For the record, I worship at the altar of Katie Hoaldridge and while she’s only mentioned in passing their relationship obviously plays a factor here. I hope you like it, Super Specific Bennguin Nonnie! :)

Jamie’s never gotten married before. But, he thinks, it probably isn’t normal to be focused on the wellbeing of one of your groomsmen on the day of. Instead of, say, his future wife. Jamie reasons, though, that a large part of his life has revolved around Tyler Seguin for eight years, and it’s a hard habit to break. Either way, he finds himself watching his best friend as they get ready in the hotel suite set aside for them. Tyler is unnaturally subdued, only speaking when someone speaks to him directly. He smiles, but it’s small and fake and Jamie sees the tension around his eyes. He knows what Tyler looks like when he’s angry, or grumpy, and this isn’t that. This is…

This is Tyler hurting. This is Tyler in real pain. 

He feels something dark and uncomfortable swirl in the pit of his stomach as he continues to watch Tyler out of the corner of his eye. He knows the day is supposed to be about him and Katie, but Jamie is not only Tyler’s friend - he’s his captain, and his instinct is to take care of Tyler, support him, figure out what’s wrong and fix it if he can. The fact that it’s Tyler, who’s always been someone that has been a source of confusion for Jamie, makes him want to reach out even more. Given what day it is, Jamie doesn’t have the emotional bandwidth to deal with whatever that means. It’s been eight years, and Jamie’s just accepted his complicated feelings when it comes to Tyler Seguin and buried it deep down and locked it away in a box labeled “feelings: do not open.”

Still, he continues to watch as they all share a beer in Jordie’s to, as he said, “loosen up Chubbs.” Tyler participates, smiles when necessary, but he never looks at Jamie. And, really, Jamie’s used to Tyler looking at him pretty much all the time. On the ice, off the ice, Jamie is used to being generally aware of Tyler’s eyes on him. It makes his skin itch, the thought that Tyler can’t - or won’t - look at him. He wants to pull Tyler to him, draw his gaze until he has all of Tyler’s attention once again. Instead, he grows increasingly anxious as the ceremony time nears and Tyler is increasingly distant. 

At one point, Jamie catches Jordie talking quietly to Tyler in the corner of the living area. Jordie’s eyes are concerned, and Tyler refuses to look at him as they converse. Tyler’s shoulders slump before he nods and Jordie slaps a hand on his shoulder before walking away. Tyler must think that no one’s looking, because he curls into himself in a way that Jamie’s never seen. His heart breaks, and he finally waves Jordie over. 

“Hey, can you and the guys give me and Ty a minute?” He asks, and Jordie takes a breath. 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea, Chubbs?”

“What do you mean? Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because, y’know, it’s your wedding day.” Jordie finally points out. “Do you think this is the best time to finally be dealing with this?”

“Dealing with what?” Jamie asks, but his stomach clenches with nerves because, apparently, Jordie knows. Jordie looks exasperated, rubbing his hand over his face and beard before rolling his eyes. 

“With the fact that you and Segs are stupid over each other.”

“We...it’s not-”

“You can’t lie to me, J. I had a front row seat to the Segs and Chubbs Show for years. But I thought you’d, I don’t know, worked it out and shit before you decided to marry someone else.”

Jamie has nothing to say to that, and Jordie only shakes his head before gathering the rest of the groomsmen and hustling them out of the suite with promises of more day drinking. 

“Not you.” Jordie tells Tyler, who looks confused but sits back down and looks anywhere but at Jamie. Once the door closest behind them, Jamie lets out a shaky breath before turning to Tyler. Tyler stares at the ground even as Jamie takes the seat across from him, waiting quietly until Tyler finally speaks. 

“I’m sorry.” He says, still not looking at Jamie. “I’m ruining your day.”

“Just tell me what’s wrong.” Jamie pushes him, and Tyler shakes his head. 

“I can’t.”

“We’ve always been able to tell each other everything.”

“Not this.” Tyler finally looks up at him, his eyes sharp and his tone cutting. “You know, not this.”

Jamie, once again, doesn’t have an answer to that. He leans his arms on his thighs, running his hand through his hair and messing up the effort he’d made earlier. 

“Ty, you know - you have to know…”

“Yeah.” Tyler’s voice is rough, and when Jamie looks up he sees tears in Tyler’s eyes. “I know. It just...wasn’t meant to be. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong profession.”

“I wish-”

“No, please. Don’t tell me you wish it was different. I’m not sure I could watch you marry someone else if…” Tyler trails off, and suddenly Jamie’s picturing a very different wedding. A wedding where Tyler’s not standing next to Jordie, but across from Jamie. Where he’s slipping a ring on Tyler’s hand instead of Katie’s. 

Katie

Katie

Suddenly, Jamie’s overcome with guilt. It’s his wedding day, the happiest day of his life, and he’s sitting here fantasizing about marrying his best friend instead of his fiancee. Katie, who’s loved and supported him through years of hockey, of injuries, who has never made him doubt her commitment to him. Katie, the person he’s marrying in an hour. 

That guilt doesn’t stop his need to know.

That guilt doesn’t stop him from reaching across the space between him and Tyler and wrapping his hand around the back of Tyler’s neck, pulling him closer until their lips crash together.

The angle is awkward, but Tyler tilts his head after a second and suddenly it’s so good that Jamie’s toes curl. He pulls again and Tyler climbs into his lap, cradling Jamie’s face in his hands as he deepens the kiss, biting at Jamie’s bottom lip until he opens up with a groan. Jamie’s hands find their way to Tyler’s curls, tugging on them and finding himself delighted when Tyler moans in response, grinding down on Jamie. It’s everything he’s denied himself for eight years and it’s everything he’s going to have to deny himself for the rest of his life. 

He pulls away, finally, and Tyler rests his head against Jame’s forehead, sharing the same air. When Tyler sighs, it’s sad and resigned and Jamie’s heart breaks for everything they’ll never have. 

“I love you.” Tyler whispers, and he pulls away before Jamie has a chance to respond. 

He walks out of the hotel room without looking back. 

Two Years Later

When the news breaks, Jamie’s not surprised when he doesn’t hear from Tyler. 

They’re teammates, lineys, but off the ice they’ve barely spoken in months. Jamie had tried to keep their friendship together, but nothing had been the same since Tyler had stood with him while he married someone else. Then, when Jamie’s marriage had started to fall apart, when he’d withdrawn from everyone and everything that wasn’t hockey, Tyler had let him go. He has a fantasy of Tyler knocking on his door once he hears the news, but then he realizes that Tyler doesn’t even know his address anymore. 

Jamie had figured that letting Katie keep their house had been the least he could do. 

The texts pour in in the hours after his agent released the statement. His mom, his sister, Klinger, Bish. He doesn’t answer any of them, but when Jordie’s face appears he answers. 

“Chubbs.” Is all Jordie says, and Jamie sighs. 

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I had to find out from fucking Twitter?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I thought you and Katie were fine. You said you were fine.”

“Well, I fucking lied.” Jamie snaps, collapsing on the couch.

“What happened?”

“I just...she wanted to start trying to have a kid and I realized…”

“Jamie?” Jordie finally asks after a long moment, his voice quiet and serious in a way that Jamie has rarely experienced. 

“I realized I couldn’t bring a child into this lie I’ve built. I couldn’t start a family when I’m in love with someone else.”

“It’s been two years. You barely speak to him.”

“Yeah.” Jamie’s laugh is dark and wet. “Yeah, and I still wake up every day loving him.”

Jordie is silent on the other end of the line, his breathing the only reason Jamie knows he hasn’t hung up. 

“Chubbs.” He finally says. “Is he the one? Like, do you feel forever about him?”

“Yeah, I do.” Jamie replies without hesitation. 

“Then go. Go now and tell him.”

“He doesn’t want me anymore.”

“Bullshit. That kid has wanted you from the moment he landed in Dallas. I swear to fuck, you two are the worst communicators I’ve ever met and you deserve each other. Go now. You’ve blown up your life, might as well get what you’ve always wanted.” And with that, Jordie hangs up. 

Jamie stares at the coffee table for a moment before his phone dings again, a text from Jordie popping up. It’s a selfie of him, Jessi, and his niece, all holding a thumbs up. 

We’re rooting for you, you disaster human.

Jamie smiles, grabs his keys, and bolts out the door. 

The drive to Tyler’s is both familiar and foreign. He hasn’t set foot in Tyler’s house since before the wedding, but it’s like his body knows exactly where to go. He grips the steering wheel and takes a few steadying breaths before climbing out of his truck. When he looks at the front door, Tyler is staring at him, arms crossed and his gaze cold. 

“What are you doing here?” He asks as Jamie approaches, and Jamie stops when he reaches the bottom of the stairs leading to Tyler’s front door. 

“I was hoping that we could talk.”

“About what?”

“Did you see the news?” Jamie asks, and confusion flits across Tyler’s face. “I...I left Katie.”

Tyler’s entire body tenses, and Jamie watches as Tyler’s face morphs from confusion to anger. 

“So, why are you here?”

“Ty, please. Can we go inside?” Tyler shakes his head, and Jamie rolls his eyes at the stubborn, dramatic ass he has chosen to love.

“Okay, fine.” Jamie sighs. “We’ll do this out here. I’m sorry, Ty. I’m sorry that I wasn’t brave enough to go after what I wanted all those years ago. I’m sorry I didn’t stop you from leaving that room the day of the wedding. Mostly, I’m sorry I haven’t told you every day since that I love you too. I never should have married Katie. I never should have married anyone that wasn’t you.” 

Jamie forces himself to look directly at Tyler, never wavering as Tyler stares down at him. This is it, the moment that will determine the course of the rest of his life. One way or another. Finally, Tyler uncrosses his arms and turns away, throwing open the front door and disappearing inside. Jamie feels his heart break in his chest, but he knew there was always a chance that he had ruined anything they may have had. He looks down, resigned, until he hears Tyler clear his throat. He’s leaning in the doorway, eyebrow raised as he stares down at Jamie. 

“Are you coming inside or not?” Tyler asks, and suddenly his grin is blinding. It’s everything Jamie’s wanted to see for the last two years, and he can’t stop himself from taking the steps two at a time until he’s in Tyler’s space. 

“I love you.” Jamie tells him, running his fingers across Tyler’s cheek. He silently vows to tell him every day, at every possible moment. 

Simply because he can.