#I’ve had to sit in foster and adoption classes with these same folks who always look at us sideways bc the majority of the kids we serve

[cassiopeiasara]

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[riddlefromthemiddle]

Writing a stream of consciousness birthday post was so much fun I thought we’d roll with it for Forever Family.  (I first stumbled across this concept over at The Captain’s Speech.  Paul’s sharp wit keeps me in giggles – you should check out his blog.)

So buckle up and let’s go.

1.  Adoption sometimes skulks around like the crazy cousin at Thanksgiving.  You don’t want to give it a spotlight because you love your kids like, well, your kids…but it still sits there, drinking your booze and making you have second thoughts about your decisions.

2.  All the data says open adoption is healthiest, and data doesn’t lie, right?  Except when it doesn’t apply to your particular kid.  And then you’re just screwed.

3.  But closed adoption leaves a thousand questions unanswered, so if your kid’s not good with uncertainty then that can cause trouble, too.

4.  So maybe you’re screwed either way.  Open, closed, in between – everyone has their issues, right?

5.  Ahem.

6.  I know several families who adopted internationally but literally have no idea how real people manage that process.  Working on the adoption for years?  Handling the fact that your child lives in an orphanage?  Dropping everything here to travel out of the country for extended periods?  It’s mind boggling.

7.  If I struggle to coordinate kids’ camps, family travel, and summer downtime, what are the odds I would have survived that process?

8.  I’m pretty sure they’re called “not betting odds.”

9.  So you decide to pursue adoption.  I have to admit I was shocked to find out how many couples were waiting for years because they wanted to adopt a healthy white infant.

10.  In all fairness, not everyone’s prepared to tackle what comes along with a transracial adoption so I guess it’s good those folks acknowledge that.

11.  Then I wonder…okay, you feel like you’ll be the best parent for a child who is the same race as yourself, but why do so many insist on a newborn?  Sure, there’s the baby magnet thing, but we’re talking about building a family here.

12.  In the interest of full disclosure BrightSide and I didn’t feel equipped to adopt an older child – it takes a special family to guide kids through the trauma of being removed from their home or foster care – but that didn’t mean we needed to walk out of a hospital with a baby.  There are so many young children who need parents.

13.  White mama.  White daddy.  Brown son.  Brown daughter.  We announce ourselves when we walk into a room.

14.  It’s kind of funny how surprised I am to learn someone’s kids are adopted just because they’re the same color as their parents.

15.  The need-to-know issue gets more complex as the kids get older.  I want to protect their privacy, but I don’t want them left to sink or swim.  Sometimes the decision is murky.

16.  Friends are simple – that’s always been their choice.  As they get older they’re becoming more discerning about who deserves their trust, and that’s a valuable life skill.

17.  Doctors are simple – they need this information to provide the best level of care.

18.  Everyone else is…fuzzy.  Teachers benefit when it comes to classroom discussion and assignments, unless my kid feels like it violates their privacy.  Youth leaders fall under the same category.  Camp counselors even more so since they’re watching over my kids while they’re away from home, but I wonder if T-man and Bear just want to be campers.  Not adopted campers, not transracial family campers, but just campers.  

19.  In a case of God puts the right people in your life, one of the assistant principals at the middle school has particularly useful insight.  He grew up in a small town community not far from here then attended A&T University, originally founded as a black college.  He described what it was like to sit in class as the only white face in the room, and I finally felt like I’d met someone who at least had a hint of what life is like for my son.

20.  They’re good kids, and we’re good parents.  But I worry they’ll find themselves in No Man’s Land later.

21.  Not black enough for the black kids, not white enough for the white ones.

22.  Though that’s probably a struggle pretty much every biracial kid has had to work through.

23.  In a similar-but-not-the-same sort of thing, I feel like I’ve juggled identity often.  New kid over and over again, searching for a place to fit in.  Not comfortable with popular kids, but not on board with those at the other extreme.  Soccer gave me the best fit everywhere I moved except for New England – there was no way to avoid feeling like a fish out of water there.

24.  I still struggle with this as an adult.  I don’t know if I never really lost the outsider mentality or if I’m slow (like, slow motion snail slow) to open myself up to friendship…either way, it leads to looking around too many rooms and thinking how on earth did I get here?

25.  Which makes it sound like I just made this all about me.  This isn’t the same as racial identity issues, it’s just the only way I can try to empathize with my kids’ experiences.

25 thoughts on the matter. #ForeverFamily #adoption #kids #children #RFTM Writing a stream of consciousness birthday post was so much fun I thought we'd roll with it for Forever Family.  

[tlcrescuepa]

New Post has been published on To Love a Canine Rescue

New Post has been published on https://tlcrescuepa.com/week-end-update-welcome-march/

Week-End Update: Welcome March

Hard to believe that March is already here, but the weather at least seems to be normal-ish for this time of year. We had a really nice week that included participating in “stress-free Friday” at Henderson High School in West Chester. Chico, Sugar, Walter & Wayla had a great time helping the students – and staff – unwind from a busy week and get ready for the week-end. We hope the folks at the school had a nice a time as we did.

Our senior, diabetic, pug Darla celebrated her gotcha day this week. The family was so happy to make everything official that we forgot to get her “happy tail” picture to share but hope we’ll be getting some pictures as we get updates. You may recognize some familiar faces in Jacey’s first, official, family photo since the handsome Aussie next to her is Ozzy FKA Kellen. We hear she may be changing her name to Amelia . . . or something else (we’ll know for sure when it’s “Facebook official”).

Also adopted this week were Peaches, Rocky (now Taz) & Ziva!

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Peaches

Rocky now Taz

Ziva

Jacey now Amelia

  The week marked the birthday of some TLC alumni that were born in local foster: Ziva’s pups! We have some updated pictures of Ziva and a few of her precious babies, as well as Wisdom Panel results for Major FKA Woodstock

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Ziva

Colby FKA Cobalt

Tula FKA Jenny

Major FKA Woodstock

Major FKA Woodstock DNA

  We have other updates too:

Dakara & Bailey FKA Dalaney

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Bailey FKA Dalaney & Dakara as puppies

Bailey FKA Dalaney

Dakara

Dakara

Dakara

Dakara

We actually saw Dakara at last week’s meet & greet, and put her family in touch with her equally lovely litter mate, Bailey FKA Dalaney.

Jack FKA Dennis

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Close to our 2 year gotcha date here are recent pictures of Jack. Don’t let the photos fool you. He is a ball of energy. He had grown into a fast, energetic,  vocal and strong-willed dog who can  play fetch by himself.  We love him and couldn’t imagine life without his antics. 

  Kirby

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Kirby and I are doing great! I kept his name. Suits him well.

Kirby is gentle, easy going, loves long walks, and has enjoyed meeting my friends and family members. I attached a picture of him with my oldest daughter, Jessi. Hard to tell who’s smiling more!

  Maggie

Maggie

Maggie is a wonderful dog! We love her very much. She fit right in with her new family and her new “pack”.  All of the pets get along great.

I am working from home today, and here is a pic of our beautiful girl curled up by my desk and keeping me company.

  Pearl

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We wanted to send some picts and an update.

Pearl is doing very well!

She will being going to obedience classes in the coming weeks. We have been doing some basic commands at home, sit, stay, and fetch. She is a fast learner.

She is a very spoiled member of the family lol.

Lexi Rose

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Thank you ! Lexi Rose is doing great! Her and our other dog, Joplin love each other! When they are in our yard and I call them to come in Lexi Rose looks at Joplin and waits until she comes in first. She also loves our one cat and they play together. Lexi Rose especially loves my husband. We just love her

  Rylie FA Mary

Rylie FKA Mary

We put Rylie (Mary) into an obedience class at What A Good Dog, and she has been doing great! She is still a little skittish around strangers, but loves to cuddle with us- see picture attached! We are so happy to have her in our life! Thanks again for all you guys do!

  Eddy

Things are going well overall. He is adjusting well to his new food, is house broken, and goes into his crate perfectly while we’re home.

We are going through some challenges with some separation anxiety and we’re working through them. He doesn’t like feeling like he’s alone in the apartment in his crate. (we haven’t given him free rein over the apartment yet). We’re working on curbing his anxiety by practicing him being in it for short periods of time and pretending to leave. Jeri said to give it a few days and let him adjust to the routine and the practice. If it persists we’re most likely going to enlist her help with this.

We will keep his name Eddy. He responds well to it and after really getting to know him- I can’t imagine it being anything else :D.

Callie

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So far things are going fine with Callie.  She seems to be settling in nicely.  I’ve spoken to Jen a few times, sent her some pics as you know.  Callie’s a sweet girl.  We’re keeping her name.  She knows it and we like it well enough.  She has a vet appt next week.  We need to take our other dog Gus in for some annual shots so we got her scheduled too at the same time.  I’ll send more pics and updates to Jen over the next few weeks. 

Gizmo

  Gizmo

Gizmo is doing well. Thanks for everything.

We love Gizmo and he loves us. Free kisses always.

  Edwina Louise (Winnie) FKA Fancy

Fancy, now named Edwina Louise (Winnie) has settled in wonderfully!

Our lab and she play very well with her doing laps around him and him egging her on…. she loves our large yard and enjoys playing fetch with tennis balls (she even brings them back most of the time!)

She is nicely house broken and does well in her crate.

We will be taking her to our vet next week. I will probably call your trainers.  She is a little stubborn at times and I want to guide her without affecting her sweet disposition

  Daisy FKA Carrie

Daisy FKA Carrie

Today is my miss Daisy’s (FKA Carrie) 1 year adoptiversary! I cannot believe it is a year already. She is such a sweet, wonderful girl, and a great running partner. She has learned agility and even belongs to a club and did her first trial. And she’s learned she LOVES to play ball. She is a spoiled, loving little cuddlepup and I am so fortunate to have found her. Thank you TLC Rescue!