#I'm also still trying to figure out her outfit tbh. next time I draw her I'll probably have something figured out

[angered-box]

been shaking wanting to show this oc for the past few days. yes she's some form of magical girl yes she has issues

[kresnikcest]

V pls tell me abt the crossdressing cd

SO THE CROSSDRESSING CD. (yes i'm a week late, school is exhausting)

Now. mind you. this is probably not canon. like 99% not canon. definitely not.

you can listen along here, which I highly recommend tbh. My recap is based on a now-deleted CN fansub by user shinro (I did try to check JP definitions in some places but definitely do not take me as a reasonable source and I did localise some things).

CW for the typical stuff you'd expect out of a forced crossdressing-and-getting-hit-on gag from a decade ago. also extremely one-sided parent/child flirting but neither party knows they're related.

okay so, the party (Ludger, Elle, Jude, Leia, Alvin, Rowen, Elize and Teepo) enter a new FD and find themselves in a locker room. They gradually deduce that they're in a women's locker room in Spirius, and are almost caught by two female employees, but Leia gets the guys to hide behind the door, and then lies to the employees that she's accompanying Elle and Elize for a Rieze Maxian goodwill visit, but they forgot Teepo and were coming back to grab him.

The employees fangirl a little over Teepo because Fractured Ludger in this dimension is a popular agent who wears a suit with a similar design to Teepo. Somehow, Fractured Ludger is still in debt in this world, so his nickname is "the Prince of debt". Prime Ludger is not happy about this.

Fractured Ludger normally doesn't visit the HQ, except for today. The employees start worrying about being able to meet him before the groupies get to him, and Elle leverages the party "knowing" Vera to keep them quiet about them being there. The employees leave them alone to go try and see Ludger.

Rowen figures that since Fractured Ludger is a celebrity here, Prime Ludger will naturally draw attention, and since they're in a women's locker room, which is conveniently empty bc all the female agents are off trying to meet with Ludger... obviously the only solution is to dress Ludger like a girl.

Jude and Alvin immediately abandon Ludger to his fate, while Leia and Elize are very happy to help Rowen.

leia: rowen, i finally found a makeup bag. rowen: thank you very much, leia. leia: i also found a wig and a sewing kit. rowen: that's perfect, place it here and we'll get started. ludger: can someone please stop rowen? elle! elle, you don't want to see me crossdress, right? elle: i... ludger: exactly, you don't want to see that happen! rowen, how about we find some other-- elle: i want pictures!

Short time skip, everyone is super impressed with Rowen and Leia and Elize's work. Ludger is too tired to argue.

(Ludger's outfit is described as a long pink dress and a white shawl, and a tied up wig. Elize also manicured his hands. You can see it in fan art 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Yes I have these links saved.)

Anyway, Ludger now sufficiently disguised, the party leaves the locker room. Well not before Elle gets her pictures.

elle: let's take a picture! ludger, give me your ghs! ludger: you were serious?! elle: is that bad...? ludger: uh. ugh... fine. elle: yay! now to open the camera... *snap* elle: got it! and next... ludger: do you really need to keep taking pictures? elle: i want to make it your lockscreen! ludger: stop it! give it back! elle: no! if i give it back you're just going to delete it! until we get back to the prime dimension, i'll take care of your ghs! ludger: elle...

Ludger decides they need to get out of the Spirius building first to find the Catalyst.

elle: ludger! it's so rare to see you this pretty, you should sound the part too! alvin: she's right, you have to act like a proper lady. ludger: you should act like it's none of your business! elize: but, we put so much effort into our preparations... ludger: ugh. *falsetto* i understand. is that better? jude: ludger, look out! ludger: uh, i'm sorry-- niisa... julius: ah, pardon me. hm? you are... outside personnel, aren't you? this floor is forbidden to unauthorised staff. ludger: uh. that's right, my apologies, julius-san.

(obligatory fan art.)

Leia lies that they forgot something in the building. Julius says they should have asked the management for help, to which Rowen and Jude say someone did help them, but then they got lost after finding it.

julius: still, that's strange... and this young miss here seemed like she recognised me. ludger: but you're a famous agent! julius: famous? ludger: er... everyone says you're great! elize: and um, we really were only here to get my doll... teepo: there's nothing strange about that~ julius: that doll... but of course. whenever he comes to visit the company, there's always people trying to sneak in like this. ludger: um... julius: you must be fans of ludger, aren't you?

Elize denies it and Teepo says that Ludger is copying him, but Julius just tells them they don't need to deny it that strongly. Ludger begrudgingly agrees in his regular tone of voice, so Alvin covers up for him and pretends he said it 😂 Julius doesn't seem to believe him... but...

julius: never mind, after seeing the face of this beautiful young lady, i won't question you any further. ludger: what.

Actually, he'll take them all to the front door, and he'd like to talk to fem!Ludger specifically... Don't worry, he only wants to know fem!Ludger's feelings about his little brother, nothing else. It's an older brother thing.

While Ludger suffers in the background, Jude and Leia remark that Fractured Julius has the unexpected temperament of a sister-in-law. (And yes that gender is right, they say 小姑).

Alvin wonders if Julius has figured out this is Ludger crossdressing, but Julius casually talks about how he had told Fractured Ludger he could help with his debt, but that Fractured Ludger had insisted on taking care of it himself. Ludger continues suffering in the background.

Julius explains that the job Fractured Ludger got was testing out products in the Suprisingly-Super-Convenient-Goods room (it's a room in Spirius you can visit in-game). They have a tendency to explode.

Anyway, it turns out the reason why Fractured Ludger is super popular is because of one of the SSCG room's inventions, a suit that's meant to soothe people's nerves and let them do the best they can. Everyone who wears that suit, no matter the person, have become incredibly popular, Fractured Ludger included. Julius chalks up the party illegally trespassing in search of him to be the result of that suit.

So, he's kind of worried about the whole thing, since Fractured Ludger once ran away after getting his heart broken...

(Ludger is suffering in the foreground.)

They finally reach the ground floor, but Fractured Ludger's been grabbed by his fans and lost in the crowd. a young Spirius agent asks Julius for help. Julius explains the party are his guests and offers fem!Ludger the chance to meet Fractured Ludger. Prime Ludger understandably does not want to meet his own self he's supposedly crushing on, but Rowen and Leia cover for him by saying they just didn't know Ludger was that popular. Julius walks off to investigate the situation, leaving the young agent with the party.

julius: please, wait a moment here. i'll ask after checking out how things are going. employee: after? mr. julius, didn't you just agree to help-- and he's gone. elle: hey, oji-san! 20-something year old employee: "oji-san"... uh... what's up, kiddo? elle: are all the people here ludger's fans? employee: yep. elle: ludger's amazing...

The nameless not-ojisan agent dives into the crowd to help fish Fractured Ludger out, and immediately disappears into the crowd of fangirls.

The party catch sight of a purple aura in the crowd, and wonder at the sheer power of the Teepo-patterned suit... Then Jude asks if they're not just seeing the glow of a Divergence Catalyst?

ludger: the famous me is a divergence catalyst...  which means the future me could never be popular... elle: isn't this ludger only popular because of the suit? ludger: in other words, there's no way for me to be popular on my own merits.

Julius returns, and offers the back door of the building as a way for them to escape the crowd, and besides, fem!Ludger still wants to meet Fractured Ludger, right? Ludger says it feels different seeing how popular Fractured Ludger is, but Julius assures him it's just the effect of the suit, and it's a better effect than Ludger blowing up.

julius: ah, be careful not to walk into someone. ludger: what-- [ludger walks into someone] bisley: ah, pardon me. ludger: ah, no, i should be the one-- uh. jude: mr. bisley... julius: mr. president. what are you doing here?

It's Bisley, who's here to see the results of the SCCG's invention. Bisley asks who the party are, and Julius says they're his guests. Bisley wonders why it seems like they recognised him... Julius says it'd be odd if they didn't, considering he's the CEO. Bisley is still a bit suspicious... but...

bisley: never mind, after seeing the face of this beautiful young lady, i won't question you any further. jude: beautiful... alvin: ...young lady-- ludger: huh. you--you mean me? bisley: indeed. if you don't mind, allow me to guide you out of the building instead of julius. ludger: n... no, i wouldn't dare trouble the president of the company to act as a guide. bisley: don't be so courteous, i'd like to know more about you. ludger: *suffering* julius: please, stop it, you're confusing her. bisley: you truly are a most elegant young lady. ludger: no, i uh... actually i was interested in ludger...

(obligatory fanart)

The young not-ojisan agent from earlier finally retrieves Fractured Ludger from the crowd, and balks a little at the presence of the CEO. The party ascertains for sure that the suit is the Divergence Catalyst, so Rowen sets up a distraction by pretending to feel faint, and he and Jude and Alvin retreat to another room.

Fractured Ludger asks what the party were saying about his suit, and explains that he wants to change the design. Teepo objects that he can't change the pattern, so Fractured Ludger figures he'll just change the colour then, then asks what the party are there for. Leia says they're here to see the Prince.

fractured ludger: they call me the prince but it's "the prince of debt". it's not really a nice nickname to hear. and this beautiful young lady is...? ludger: huh. me? fractured ludger: have we met before? ludger: maybe... every day in front of the mirror. fractured ludger: hm? i'm sorry, i didn't hear what you just said. ludger: i was just saying you have the wrong impression, i'm from rieze maxia after all. bisley: rieze maxia, you say? then you must be a part of the goodwill delegation? ludger: y-yes! bisley: i had no idea, if i had known a lady like you would be attending the goodwill party, i would have certainly gone myself. ludger: mr. president, you flatter me-- bisley: it's no flattery ludger: *suffering* (how much longer do you guys need, save me already!)

The fire alarm goes off. They speculate something exploded in the SSCG room. Bisley takes Julius to meet with security (I think) to evacuate the crowd, and instructs Fractured Ludger to evacuate the employees. Prime Ludger offers to take the suit off of Fractured Ludger so its powers won't interfere with the evacuation. Fractured Ludger relents, and also says that fem!Ludger's safety is more important than some suit, and to get to safety first.

Rowen, Jude, and Alvin return, having created a smoking mist and then pulled the fire alarm. Spirius has already evacuated the room, leaving them all alone with the Divergence Catalyst.

Jude asks if Ludger isn't going to change clothes, since with the Key of Kresnik, he's going to return to the Prime Dimension still dressed the way he is. Ludger panics and demands his clothes back from Elle's bag. Rowen laments the self-consciousness of youth, and Ludger asks if Rowen would be comfortable if Gaius saw him crossdressing. Rowen replies that (I think) whatever shame he feels would be accompanied by the knowledge of his skills at disguise. Jude says (I think) that whatever anyone's preferences for crossdressing, it's still embarrassing to be seen by others.

Ludger changes back and destroys the Catalyst. They return to the Prime Dimension.

leia: but ludger, you were really so pretty! like a model! you were even popular with julius and bisley! teepo: and you were popular with Fractured Ludger too! ludger: i'm not happy being popular with guys. and it seems like nova still rejected me anyway... elle: but i used ludger's ghs to take some pictures! leia: that's right! we still have pictures! elle: ta-da! elize: ludger's so pretty~ teepo: he's like a supermodel! ludger: delete that already! elle: no way! it was so hard taking such pretty pictures, deleting them would be a waste! elize: ludger, could you send those pictures to my ghs? teepo: if you don't, we'll call you "the prince of debt"! ludger: spare me already...

Rowen says he needs them for future reference. Ludger is adamant nothing like this is happening again.

rowen: you never know what might happen. haven't you heard of the saying about "covering all your bases"? ludger: in that case, shouldn't everyone be prepared to crossdress? alvin: i can’t. rowen: i can’t either. ludger: how can you be so sure?! rowen: because i have a beard. alvin: because i grew a beard. ludger: a beard... jude: ludger... what are you looking at me for? ludger: nothing... maybe i'll just grow a beard too...

[cattles-bians]

damie vibecca exes au part 8

post directory

obsetress: now i just want fanart of damvibecca at the gym

em: well. pitch it to me comrade ghostfucker

obsetress: idk that's about as far as i got i just reread that bit about vibecca in their matching gym outfits and my brain got stuck

em: hypothetically do u have a colour palette in mind bc i associate gym outfits w like. bright loud colours and

em: idk if it works w our earth sign queens

[em note: emily is a liar and did NOT draw fanart of damvibecca at the gym]

[em note 2: we have the gym art now [x] [x]]

obsetress: i was imagining like charcoals tbh, or jewel tones

obsetress: i could see them in like jewel tone purples or that jewel tone blue green color

obsetress: yeah viola jewel tones or blacks n charcoals

obsetress: becs pastels and camels but jewel tones at the gym

em: it’s about Matching

em: And Destroying Ur Ex (platonically)

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: viola's feeling particularly smug about it but then

obsetress: dani's in an old school tshirt and shorts and jamie's in............ one of dani's old school tshirts and shorts

em: YES

obsetress: not intentionally, she just grabbed whatever was there

obsetress: dani chirps "oh you two look so cute! baby look, they have a matched set"

obsetress: viola arches an eyebrow "and so do you, it seems" and dani laughs "not on purpose, jamie just grabbed whatever was on top in the drawer"

viola: you two... share... a wardrobe?

dani: yeah?

em: god cute

obsetress: cute n dumb

em: they can share nearly everything except pants

em: well. pants as a treat

em: haha pants

em: trousers

obsetress: also rly nice rly clean smooth funny juxtaposition in my brain of vibecca being the ones who intentionally match and damie the ones for whom it just accidentally happens

obsetress: hahahah pants

obsetress: they can share pants but................ should they

em: idk miss chapter 12 danis thighs jamies pyjamas

em: should they

obsetress: PLEASE

obsetress: that's exactly what i was referring to THANKS

obsetress: anyway

obsetress: rebecca just laughs

obsetress: viola huffs and bex is like "sorry, babe, but it is kind of funny"

em: dani jamie wearing like

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

em: poor viola

obsetress: thinking about dani's ass in those

em: yeah....

em: violas huffing until jamies exercise flush lasts a little Too Long

obsetress: big blush jamie taylor

em: she’s still like ‘oi dani close ur mouth’ but then she

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: just ogling each other

obsetress: (they briefly pause to ogle vi and rebecca passing a medicine ball back and forth as they do squats and have to acknowledge that, yeah, they've all done alright by themselves)

em: funny montage of the gang doing exercise while surreptitiously taking Peaks

obsetress: omg all i want

obsetress:sometimes having friends as a lesbian means they're all your exes except one, who's your gf, and you're all checking each other out always anyway

em

And That’s Beautiful

obsetress

obsetress: dani: checking out viola's biceps, rebecca's abs

viola: checking out dani's thighs n ass

rebecca: minding her business

jamie: scowling n scrawny

obsetress:(n also checking out dani's thighs n ass, viola's biceps, and begrudgingly peeking at rebecca's abs)

obsetress: every other woman at the gym: checking out jamie, trying to figure out the entire dynamic here

are they a polycule? what

em: jamie probably like

em: maybe she gets really into running bc she just checks out and listens to her audiobooks but like

em: slow twitch vs fast twitch fibers so stays scrawny

obsetress: i can see that

obsetress: just gets on the treadmill and zones tf out

em: jamie ‘why don’t i have biceps’ taylor vs jamie ‘no u gotta lift w ur hips’ taylor

obsetress: she hates it but her psych told her it'll be good for her routine so you know she was like yes ma'am every day ma'am

em: cant believe safe lifting procedures screwed her over

em: ‘yes ma’am every day ma’am’ ur just Going for it arent ya anshdjdh

obsetress: sorry but don't tell me you can't hear it

obsetress: jamie's the person who takes notes in therapy

obsetress: jamie, in the locker room after their workout: do my biceps look bigger?

dani, patiently, already knowing where this is going: bigger than what, baby?

jamie: than yesterday

dani: mm, rome wasn't built in a day, you know

jamie: do they look bigger at all?

dani: well

em: i mean not to perceive her too much but mattresses scene indicates AE/jamie like. at least some muscle in the leg area

em: poor jamie

em: not playing to her strengths

obsetress: yeah she does

obsetress: i mean ae has toned af arms

obsetress: she's just wiry

em: how could i forget the benchpressing dog gif

obsetress: dani's like "jamie, baby, come do squats with me and vi" "m'good" "baby, c'mon, you'll like it" "don't wanna do squats" "it could be good for you" "don't wanna do squats with you two"

em: dani: you gotta like. eat more

jamie: i eat plenty

dani: no u graze all day and then u don’t eat dinner

obsetress: dani: five biscuits spread out across a day doesn't count as eating more

em: dani: protein jamie it’s abt protein

obsetress: dani: you need more protein, which is why i think some lentils would really––

em: jamie thinks protein shakes are Nasty

obsetress: jamie does think protein shakes are nasty but dani will make her a smoothie and sneak it in like she's a child

obsetress: viola and rebecca, with their matching monogrammed blender bottles, just staring

obsetress: becca's like "jamie, just drink it, really, it's fine"

obsetress: viola just does this haughty sniff at her and that's what finally gets jamie to start

em: jamie can deal w being a brat but the idea of viola having Anything over her drives her Insane

em: Drives Her Fuckign Nuts

obsetress: she hates it

obsetress: just the absolute fuckin worst

em: do u think dani ever like

em: like they REALLY need to clear out storage but it’s a boiling frog situation where it’s increased so gradually that

em: like jamie thinks it’s Fine storage is Clear Enough

em: it’s Not

em: danis like. should we invite rebecca and vi over

em: just be Idea of A Snide Viola Comment fills jamie w a burning rage

obsetress: oh my god

obsetress: i'm obsessed with this

obsetress: i would read a whole oneshot about this

em: eventually dani comes clean abt it n jamie thinks it’s v funny bc yknow; open and honest communication is a v important part of their dynamic

em: jamie: next time just tell me my storage looks like shite dani or i will be grumbling abt viola for a Week

obsetress: inevitably

obsetress: when they do have to come over to clean

obsetress: dani offers them takeout and wine ("step up from pizza and beer at least," jamie grumbles) and viola's like "jesus, dani, let's just go out to dinner. my treat"

obsetress: at dinner, viola's like "if you want more storage, i have some wonderful properties––"

obsetress: rebecca's mouthing "sorry" from next to her across the table

em: every time they go out rebecca takes vi aside n is like ok sweetheart so you promise you’re not gonna try convince them to sell the apartment again

em: and violas like (mock horror) of course i won’t. ye of little faith

em: and every time

em: every time she does

em: she’s tryna HELP

obsetress: she would too she'd be like

obsetress: "i'm just trying to HELP"

obsetress: "they're our FRIENDS"

em: i’m on a mission to figure out like

em: this is way way down the line

em: but i wanna believe eventually viola and jamie start to, at the v least, Tolerate each other

em: jamie might even be fond of the crazy bird but she’ll NEVER admit it

obsetress: god like vi's on business or some shit in like

obsetress: the UAE

obsetress: negotiating some Deal

obsetress: and so dani and jamie get dinner with just bex and they're driving home after and having a perfectly mundane conversation and then jamie's just blurting like

obsetress: "i think i miss vi"

em: she’s HORRIFIED

em: she tries to play it off as like um

em: she’s Too Comfortable

em: things are Too Boring

em: which is weird knowing everything we know abt jamie

em: but actually she just... maybe misses viola

em: danis like god i wish i was recording this

obsetress: jamie's passed out next to her at home later (it's ten pm) and dani's chattering happily away on the phone with vi (drinking a martini in her dubai hotel room at one am since, y'know, no bars) in bed right next to her

obsetress: "jamie, uh, said she misses you. i know. no, i KNOW. don't tell her i told you. yeah, yeah, you win, vi, we know. uh-huh. uh-huh. i'm gonna pretend you didn't just ask me that"

em: CUTE

em: u can’t lord it over her vi it’s a little secret

em: vi's like when have i EVER

em: she does

obsetress: once they're good again, dani and vi absolutely just. lose time (there's a metaphor in there) talking to each other still

em: this is wholesome tbh

em: i really like the damie stories where like

em: look it’s nice when damie have each other but it’s also nice when they have their own friends and stuff

em: dunno how to articulate that well

em: it’s a balance! it’s a balance

obsetress: yeah! exactly

obsetress: because that's part of the love n possession thing too yk

obsetress: not to say either of them would ever be like "no friends for you" but

obsetress: wanting to have a life outside of your partner yk

obsetress: they're meeting vi and rebecca for dinner after vi gets back and vi's just grinning and sweeping jamie into a hug "i heard you missed me"

em: she gets jamie a souvenir t-shirt

em: it’s too big

em: OR

em: child’s t-shirt

obsetress: (jamie sleeps in it that night)

obsetress: oh childs might be better

obsetress: she's like "you're a little scrawny, so..."

em: jamie sleeps in it.... soft bitch

em: she feels too much

obsetress: jamie taylor softest bitch

obsetress: dani watches her pull it on and raises an eyebrow and jamie's just like "wot"

em: jamies like (grumbles) i knew she was comin back i’m just

em: shouldn’t you be HAPPY about this development dani

em: ‘s’a gift... s’rude not t’....’

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: dani just grins "mmhm"

em: it accidentally makes its way into jamies workout clothes pile

obsetress: oh my GOD oh my god

obsetress: viola's shit eating GRIN when jamie shows up at the gym in it

em: jamies like fok

em: mental maths tryna figure if she wants to just. work out in a sports bra

em: she Doesn’t

obsetress: she Doesn't!

obsetress: (she's shy)

em: god it’s one of those shirts that’s like

em: someone who loves me went to UAE and got me this t-shirt or something

obsetress: dani corners her in their empty row in the locker room "you could've just taken it off, you know" "dunno, not everyone needs to... see that, you know?" "i'd certainly like to see it" jamie rolls her eyes but she's grinning "you can see that any time" "well maybe i wanted to see it during my workout" "dani......."

em: jamies embarrassed bc of her gnarly farmers tan means her tummy is at least five shades lighter than the rest of her

em: crisp tan lines

obsetress: god jamie's farmers tan

em: once again i am bringing my tan lines jamie agenda

obsetress: dani loves jamies dumb farmers tan so much

obsetress: she giggles

obsetress: but it's the most loving giggle possible

em: and then when she gets into running...

em: god when i was rowing there were a couple ppl w like what i called a neapolitan icecream tan which is

em: gimme a second

obsetress: jamie gets all huffy when dani giggles at her tan but then dani's like "baby, no, i think it's cute" and jamie gives her a look and dani grins mischievously and ducks her head

obsetress: and then she's licking and kissing and nipping her way along jamie's dumb tan lines

em: there it is

obsetress: it was inevitable

em: so caught up in the joy of jamies dumb farmer tans i forgot abt her gnarly scar she keeps under wraps

em: baby

em: the most baby

obsetress: baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

em: jamie decides the only way to claim the stupid t-shirt as hers is to cut off the sleeves

em: it’s abt the ritual of the thing

obsetress: she shows up at the gym wearing it and

obsetress: that's viola's "oh no she's hot" moment

em: YEAH BABY

obsetress: literally just like

obsetress: world stops

obsetress: viola stares

em: jamie finally gets to do an exercise that shows off her sinewy manual labor grip forearms

em: viola’s probably just as horrified to find jamie hot as every time jamies like oh no

em: violas hot

em: and once again jamie CANNOT know she’s hot bc she will be insufferable

em: she will be the Worst

obsetress: viola's tugging rebecca aside "why didn't you tell me jamie was hot" "what?" viola waves a hand and rebecca just furrows her brow a little and is like "that's just... what she looks like, vi"

obsetress: viola corners dani next "why didn't you tell me jamie was hot" "i did" "oh. right" viola pauses, then "why didn't you make sure i was listening?" dani just gives her a look and walks away

obsetress: dflksdjfldaj god the way jamie and viola are. the same

obsetress: kind of incredibly, in the same ways dani and rebecca are the same

em: “hey baby, did viola seem different today? seemed off”

em: jamies like. is she mad at me. did i break another social taboo.

em: rebecca ‘jamie looks like jamie’ jessel vs dani ‘my gf is so hot i can’t stand it’ clayton

obsetress: "i tell you how hot she is at least three times a week, vi"

em: danis tryna goad her into making the damn shirt a crop top

em: jamies like yeah but isn’t that a step too far. i feel like i am destroying this shirt too much

em: she does it anyway

em: so jamies workout clothes are danis endless grey baggy school t-shirts and this one ugly souvenir shirt that like

em: psychological warfare and she doesn’t even know it

obsetress: i would........ like to see it

obsetress: also crop top jamie is one of my favorite jamies

obsetress: she is severely underrated

em: crop top jamie is

obsetress: and we do not talk about her enough

em: jamie wear More crop tops

obsetress: viola and rebecca in bed, in matching facemasks, after going to the gym post-epiphany that Jamie Is Hot

obsetress: viola: are dani and jamie hotter than us?

rebecca: what?

obsetress: and like

obsetress: viola is NOT insecure

obsetress: she is constantly confident that she's the most attractive woman in the room at any given moment, but

obsetress: she's just so staggered by this realization

em: some neutral third party (ms grose and mr sharma probably) are like well. u guys definitely have a little more of a scary thing going on

em: i’m imagining rebecca and viola at brunch w hannah and owen v seriously discussing this

em: viola brings it up and rebecca GROANS but then she gets invested in the convo

obsetress: GOD yeah

obsetress: she's leaning forward and gesturing with her fork "when you say 'scary'..........."

em: owens like scary is a compliment

em: hannah grose sips her tea knowingly

obsetress: rebecca just narrows her eyes at hannah grose and hannah raises her eyebrows and shrugs

em: after a week or so viola bursts into a room w stupid big sunglasses and a tray of take out coffees and she’s like Don’t You Worry Jamie I Have Concluded You’re Hot But I’m Not Threatened By It

em: jamies like sorry WHAT

em: you’ve been thinking about WHAT

em: viola leaves without ever following it up

obsetress: dani is entirely unfazed

obsetress: doesn't even blink

em: danis like neat she remembered the oat milk

em: everyone in this au is insane

obsetress: any lesbian in 2021 is insane

obsetress: par for the course

em: was gonna protest but

em: Yeah

obsetress: this lesbian meme account i follow on insta is doing “stop asking who’s the top and who’s the bottom. start asking...” posts

obsetress: and one of them is “start asking who’s baby and who’s fuck around and find out” and it just makes me chuckle

obsetress: jamie taylor baby

obsetress: viola lloyd also baby

em: dani is baby passing and jamie is fuck around faking

obsetress: oh my god that’s why that’s why i think we cracked it

obsetress: dani (fuck around) dated jamie (baby) and vi (baby)

obsetress: rebecca (fuck around) dated jamie (baby) and vi (baby)

obsetress: the reason they could never cross further even tho per the transitive property dani (so similar to vi) should be able to date beccs and jamie (so similar to beccs) should be able to date vi is because

obsetress: you can’t have two babies and two fuck arounds in a relationship together

em: oh of course. i see. i see

em: however in the rare rare crack ship of the ‘jamie viola hatefuck’ a similar phenomenon to ‘social anxiety mum friend ordering food’ instinct takes over and someone fucks around and finds out

em: this is just my unhinged jamie viola hatefuck bulkshit which is. it’s ironic ok it’s ironic it’s ironic it’s

em: ok one last thought bc i know it’s super late for u but

obsetress: omg i also have a last thought let’s trade

em: what if mikey is about isabels age n jamie ends up looking after him for one reason or another for a bit

em: and viola absolutely Dotes on him

obsetress: omg

obsetress: that’s what does it. jamie seeing viola w mikey

em: grumble grumble i guess she’s not that bad

em: except then she’s like god what if mikey likes her MORE than me

obsetress: “dani what if mikey gets one of those weird first crushes on vi”

obsetress: dani doesn’t even look up from the laundry “who hasn’t had a crush on vi”

obsetress: jamie’s like “mE” and dani just gives her the most withering look

em: danis like It’s Par For The Course Jamie

em: danis a teacher she’s like it happens don’t sweat it

em: anyway

em: what was. what was ur last little thought

obsetress: i was just thinking more about viola also baby and how also she’s been so privileged her whole life that sometimes there are just some things she can’t do for herself because she just doesn’t know how

obsetress: like she’s never had to learn

em: rebecca gets um

em: freeze dried coffee

em: nescafé

obsetress: but like

obsetress: rebecca genuinely loves taking care of vi for whatever reason (it’s because she loves her) when she really needs it but

obsetress: rebecca also takes no shit and is like “i’m not making the nescafé for you. you’re 36 years old, vi, you need to learn to do it for yourself”

obsetress: and she’ll stand there and watch her do it and then she makes vi do it at least three more times for posterity

obsetress: “i’ll make a plebeian of you yet, viola lloyd”

obsetress: (god only the two of them would think a line like that is funny)