#I'm devestated to have hacked this list to bits

[pinkacademic]

My Top Ten Barbie Movies

With the movie approaching, I'm dubbing this Barbie Month, and pushing back on the Studying part of the Masterpost for a little longer. July is pink party time!

Today, I’m sharing my Top Ten Barbie movies, which I wonder if they’ll be controversial! Share yours, lets compare!

10: Christmas Carol. She cast herself as the villain, we love that! This is unironically a good adaptation of A Christmas Carol. It doesn’t beat the Muppets, but there are many worse adaptations that get way more praise. Eden Starling is a fantastic Barbie-fied Scrooge, and I love Morwenna Banks.

9: Star Light Adventure. I love Star Wars, I love Star Trek, I love big dumb himbos whose entire motivation in life is Eat Food, Drive Fast, Drink Respect Women Juice. Sometimes Barbie movies should be ranked by their Ken, and Prince Leo is just great. Also, a unique sci-fi plot that could only come from a Barbie movie.

8: Spy Squad. Listen, sometimes I just like dumb, fun movies. This is a stellar spy movie with a fun premise, quirky characters, a spy HQ in the H of the Hollywood sign, and the baddie is just their rival in a wig. Its cute, its colourful, they give Barbie a knock-off lightsaber. No complaints.

7: Big City, Big Dreams. We’re finally back to a good, queer-leaning Barbie movie! I love Malibu and Brookln’s dynamic, I think they’re so cute platonically or romantically, and I had fun with Mermaid Magic and Epic Road Trip too. I don’t love the tragic miscommunication moment, but I guess they had to add conflict in the last ten minutes. I love the songs and their final performance enough that all is forgiven.

6: Video Game Hero. I just think its fun, ok? This is the “there’s more than one way to ___” thing that Pink Shoes tried (and I still love, just not enough to Top Ten it) but went the wrong way about in my opinion. Video Game Hero is not a groundbreaking political commentary, or a classic musical, but it just has a special place in my heart.

5: Three Musketeers. I genuinely do not care for any other version of Three Musketeers. No one will ever beat Barbie. I love the secret society of swordfighters, I love that Prince Louis changes his tune by the power of… well, the Power of Four forevermore, I guess. I love that every version of Three Musketeers features precisely 0 muskets, and the Barbie version took that new heights with one of them fully just having ribbons.

4: The Fairytopia Trilogy. I think they get better and better with each iteration. I love the story of a wingless fairy getting wings, and then giving them up selflessly in 1 and 2, and I love that the ultimate message is that of kindness and courage. It’s also absolutely just me being blinded by childhood nostalgia, but Laverna is a top tier villain too.

3: Magic of Pegasus. I have a lot of positive thoughts about this one, but the main one is Aiden!! I think his story is quite unique and complex and he’s one of the strongest love interests of any of th Barbie movies. I also think this one is so pretty and purple, and Cloud Kingdom is glorious, and the quest plot is fantastic.

2: Princess and the Pauper. Now I know this one will not be controversial, except that it’s nt number one! Annaliese and Erika are both delightful, Julian and Dominic too, and even the characters lower on the roster are fun. Not to mention the best songs that make me want to do a full stage production.

1: Princess Charm School. This probably comes as no surprise if you’ve read my essay. I think that the socioeconomic implications are intense, I think that the murder plot is exciting, I think Hadley and Isla as Gardania Unsolved have to be among my favourite Friend Characters, and I think Blair is actually a great character too. I also love Delancey’s redemption, and how it comes from being faced with real-world consequences.