#I'm horrible and my bff said I'm not allowed to meet the people she wants to date

[handern]

Hello! It's weird Arthur anon again. Here to say I appreciated the links again, and have been slowly working through while practicing my French! Also wanted to say I recently learned Celtic pagans live alongside Norse pagans in the "voted most likely to be a Nazi" pageant, and so- not a Nazi! Just trying to access a historical paragon of masculinity whose meaning has shifted through the ages, to apply to my transition and it's own new retold story. We can't have nice things I swear.

(this post is a rambling based on my knowledge as a nerd and an ex archaeologist, I encourage ppl reading this to make their own researches and not take everything I say as facts. I tend to go off and simplify things apparently)

Oh dw anon, I figured you're not one of these fucking bastard white supremacists/n*zis

I'm into metal, I love Celtic history and the fake aes people attribute to the Celts (most "Celtic" designs are inspired by Bible illustrations from the early middle ages lmao), AND I love the Norse mythology and stories

So yeah, I'm very aware of what's linked to these interests, but what I know is that people who are ACTUALLY interested in these do their researches as in, they're trying to understand a past culture that they don't claim as their own

Masculinity and feminity through the Arthurian, Norse and Celtic stories are fascinating to study! These were societies with rules and laws and values so different from our own, it's so interesting to see how the ways human beings perceived themselves shifted through time!

N*zis out there trying to appropriate these people's history and shove their own ideology into them without a single care about what it's all about

Thor crossdressed at some point (my favorite story to tell and analyze)! Odin uses magic, which is a women's thing and it IS pointed out by other gods, so it's not speculation! Heimdall had no dad and 9 moms (I know it’s a metaphor but listen)! Not to mention Loki as a general concept

Cuchulain's teacher was a woman! I can never spell his name, even less hers, I'm sorry! (Scathatch?... Oh no.... I'm sorry......)

Gawain made out with the Green Knight! (ok not exactly but-) Women had magic and were feared and respected for it in the early versions!

And these scumbags also love to go SPQR or whatever bc the Romans and Greeks were trash but guess what! During antiquity Ethiopian mercenaries were very valued so there were definitely black people in Europe JUST from that fact alone!

Not to say that these ancient people were perfect and everything was rainbows and flowers, they were just human. But half of these stories and most of the actual history of these people is full of what the dickheads who proclaim themselves their descendants would call "sjw propaganda", since they read and studied them just as much as the regular white biggot performing what they think is "christianity" studied and read the Bible w the intent of understanding it's message

If anything, the values these bastards want to "go back to" are whatever was going on in the XIXth and XXth century but it's less shiny and mystic and doesn't make them feel like they're big dicked descendants of a line of warriors going back millennia or whatever they're trying to achieve

Tldr : I'm very pissed at people trying to shove their values on long dead people to give themselves some kind of respectable image they don't deserve, but yeah!

I know you're good! History and legends are fascinating! :D so much so that the way history has always been used for propaganda purposes is part of my future thesis researches and I'm a nerd, I'm so sorry for hijacking your ask

[shadowthrone-ammanas]

I finished Nyakuza Metro and thought of this request! In the middle of Empress stealing all of Hat Kids time pieces, she goes to Subcon to unwind because she's upset about the whole thing and Snatcher sees upset Hat Kid and is just: Excuse me Kid, I'm the only one around here who's allowed to make you upset what's going on? So she tells him and now Snatcher has to go meet this Empress and let her know that bullying Hat Kid is His job. (It's not that He CARES About her! Nooo!! That's Ridiculous!)

First off, isn’t the ending of Naykuza Metro the single most disappointing ending since Mass Effect 3? I am so salty about it, I wanted to fight the Empress, it looked like we were going but nope we get a stupid cop out instead (and if that pun was intentional on Gears For Breakfast’s side then it’s not funny >:( ). Second, thank you for the request!

Good Kitty

Something was up. Hat Kid was in Subcon Forest but she wasn’t bothering Snatcher or seemingly even looking for him so she could. Instead she was just meandering down the path, her head hung low, hands in her pockets and idly kicking a stick along. She looked upset about something. What though? Well only one way to find out.

Snatcher teleported to pop up in front of her. “Boo!” he shouted loud enough to make her jump a little.

She gave him a disapproving look as he laughed at her fright as mild as it was. “Hello to you too Snatcher,” she said, her tone borderline annoyed. That wasn’t like her. Whatever was bothering had to be pretty serious.

“Hey kiddo,” he said grinning down at her. “What brings you to my forest?” He’d long since given up trying to tell her that their business was concluded, it only ever seemed to make her want to stick around more often and longer.

Hat Kid shrugged, kicking at the stick on the ground again. “It’s just a nice place to walk around and stuff.”

“Uh… ‘nice’? It’s a haunted forest full of dead things. What part of that is nice?”

“The haunted part.” Now she did smile up at him, only a little though. “It’s also the only place I can walk around aimlessly where there aren’t a lot people.” Implying she probably wanted to be alone, giving Snatcher a perfect opportunity to just leave her to it but…

“And why would you want that?” He was curious. What could’ve possibly brought her down. “Don’t you normally make a habit of annoying as many people as you possibly can?”

“Yeah but uh… I’m just really frustrated right now. And I hate it.” She stomped a stick, breaking it in half with a snap. “The stupid pecking Empress is sending her stupid pecking peck-neck goons to take my Time Pieces every time I find one in the Metro. And I can’t do anything about it because she’s got like I don’t even know how many goons, certainly more than I can take on by myself. If it was just her, I would beat the living shit out of her and make her regret ever crossing me. But I can’t and it’s not fair.” Her eyes were filling with tears of frustration now.

Snatcher grimaced. “Whoa kid, calm down there. No need to start crying or any of that.”

“Sorry.” She sniffled. “I just… really hate it and don’t know what to do. But I have to do something because I need my Time Pieces.”

“Well… good luck with that.”

“You’re not even going to offer to help me?”

“Nope, the fact that you thought I might is honestly offensive. I don’t care about your stupid problems and I certainly didn’t ask you to spill them to me. So yeah, good luck with that kiddo.” With that he teleported away.

-

 The Metro was bustling and busy with life. What little plant life there was, was all heavily manicured to match an aesthetic. Obnoxious neon lights were everywhere. And the place smelled horrible; a mix of trash, unwashed bodies, cats, trains, and the various food carts scattered about the place. Snatcher hated it.

He was half tempted to pop out his Hat Kid disguise – complete with dweller mask to hide his ghostly features – and raze the whole place to the ground. But that would take too much time and effort to be worth it. Besides he wasn’t into expanding his territory, he just wanted to keep and protect what he had. Taking over more would both make that harder and be pointless. So, grateful the mask would also hide his sour expression so he didn’t have to control it, he started wondering around to listen to conversations.

The more he walked the more he hated both the Metro and the very sensation of walking, especially on concrete. How did people stand this? It made him want to pull his hair out. He was never coming back here once he’d finished his business. Mercifully, the Empress was a pretty popular talking point amongst the cats wondering about the place and they all had a tendency to gossip just a bit too loud - possibly due to hearing loss from being around and in the trains making all that horrible noise all the time – so it wasn’t too terribly long before Snatcher knew where and how to find the Empress. Which was all he needed.

Once back in the central area, finding the jewelry shop didn’t take long. Hanging around outside were what was obviously members of the Empress’ gang. Most likely there were more hidden around the place too. Not even Hat Kid could take on that many opponents. Snatcher could, he could take down everyone in this Metro if he really wanted to – as long as no one had a way to make him vulnerable anyway. But if things went according to plan though all he’d have to deal with was the Empress herself.

Inside, the Empress was standing at the counter. She looked up as Snatcher strode in. “I didn’t expect to see you back so soon,” she said, fooled by the disguise and mask. “But that’s fine. I just got word of another one of those hourglasses in Pink Paw Station. Go find it for me.”

“Hmm… I don’t think I will,” Snatcher said, using Hat Kid’s voice but changing it a little so that it would sound just wrong enough to give most sane people chills. “Instead I think I’ll…” Grinning wide under the mask, he lifted a hand to snap his fingers.

The door slammed shut hard enough to rattle the whole store. Next, he made the lights flare bright before bursting, shattering glass everywhere. He timed their bursting with pulling the Empress into his pocket dimension, surrounding them both in a void of dark purple. And to top it all off, he teleported to float behind her and took off his mask. He kept the Hat Kid form though, he needed it.

When she inevitably turned to face him, already rattled she hissed and back pedaled, her fur puffing up the rest of the way. He’d morphed his face so he had bunch of misshapen eyes, covering the entire top half of his face. Only two of which actually worked, the rest were for show.

Still using Hat Kid’s voice and altering it to sound wrong, he giggled. There were few things creepier than a little girl’s laugh especially when it wasn’t quite right. To add a little bit extra, he made it sound like it was coming from all around the Empress, making her glance around in fear.

“What are you?” she asked with an angry hiss as she turned her eyes back to glare at him. Her claws were out now too, they looked sharp.

“It doesn’t matter what I am, what matters is you.” He pointed at her. “You’ve been awful mean to a friend of mine and I don’t like that.” It grated to call Hat Kid a friend but for this little act of his, he didn’t have much choice. “I’m sure you’re smart enough to know who I’m talking about.”

The Empress hissed and lunged to claw him. It did nothing though so Snatcher just giggled again.

“Oh, silly kitty, that won’t hurt me. There’s nothing you can do that can hurt me. I don’t think there’s even anything on this planet that can.” Hat Kid was an alien so he was going to pretend to be one too. He needed to make sure no one ever connected this whole thing back to him. “So save yourself the effort and don’t try. Just do as I say and maybe you’ll get out of this alive.”

The Empress still looked angry but her fear was evident in the way her fur was still puffed up on its end, her tail curled. “What do you want?” she forced out through clenched teeth.

“I want you to give my friend back her Time Pieces, don’t interfere with her collecting any more, and once you’re done with that don’t ever talk to or have anything to do with her again.” To minimize the chances of her spilling the beans on this conversation. “I of course don’t expect you to do this just because I told you to so how about a little motivation?” He teleported to hover behind her shoulder again.

Before she could fully turn around, he pulled out her soul to hold in the palm of his hand. She froze solid for half a second before clawing at him again, more with desperation than anger this time. He ignored it.

“If you’re a good kitty and do as your told, I’ll consider giving you your soul back. If not, I know a guy who likes to eat souls who I’m sure wouldn’t mind being gifted one.” As he spoke, he bounced her soul up and down in his hand as if playing with a ball. “So is that enough to convince you?” He would’ve preferred a proper contract but other than snatching souls, contracts were what he was most well known for. And Hat Kid would certainly know it was him if he used a contract. This way even if she did find out about this, there should be some doubt about who was responsible. Her even suspecting it was him would be awful because then she’d think it was because he was her ‘BFF’ and that he cared for her or something when it truth it was because if he failed to make Hat Kid miserable no one else was allowed to either. That was his job and he was going to find a way to do it properly one day no matter how much she wanted to insisted they were BFFs and she loved spending time with him.

The silence stretched as the Empress glared at him, defeated but not yet wanting to admit it. But finally… “Fine,” she said. “I’ll give the brat back her hour glasses and then leave her alone.”

“You’ll order your goons to do so as well?” Snatcher wasn’t going to give her any loopholes. “As well as anyone else you might pay to deal with people you don’t like?”

She growled but… “Yes.”

“Very good. Now, after my friend has all her Time Pieces back, including the ones not yet found, I shall give you your soul back. If you break your end of the deal, I will not hesitate to give you soul to a certain soul eating ghost.” Meaning he’d eat it. “If you try to break it after you have your soul back, I will make your end a painful one and feed you soul to the Snatcher just because I can. Deal?”

“Deal.” Oh, no hesitation this time either, the Empress was a brave one as well as smart.

“I will see you later then. Remember to be a good kitty for your own sake. Buh-bye.” Snatcher lifted a hand to wriggle his fingers in a wave before transporting himself elsewhere, leaving her back in her jewelry shop.

For this drabble event.