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spectraspecs-writes · 3 years

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Alderaan - Chapter 113

Link to the masterpost. Chapter 112. Chapter 114.

A/N: not only has my left wrist been hurting off and on for weeks, I also got my covid booster in my left arm yesterday. That has made typing and, well, pretty much every task with my left hand fun to say the least. But I finally have the motivation to type so I'm just coping.

@averruncusho @ceruleanrainblues @chubbsmomma @strangepostmiracle thank you for reading, you get a tag. @skelelexiunderlord thank you for support, you get a tag.

——–

Rena's really having a hard time with all this. It really doesn't matter who she used to be, you know? It matters who she is now. And Rena is a really good person. She's always so nice to people unless they're mean to her. I don't even know how Carth can think she's changed! She's the same person we've always known.

We've been giving her space for now, though. Jolee said there should always be someone near her just in case, and I tried to be there yesterday, but I couldn't stay awake. I ended up sleeping in the other quarters where the guys usually are, and I guess it's a good thing I did. When I went in there this morning to check on Rena, my bunk was broken right in half. Canderous said it happened because Rena blasted him and Carth with lightning by accident. I didn't even know she could do that! I kinda wish I had seen it, you know? I've never really seen Force Lightning. I guess it's kinda scary, though, because Carth doesn't even wanna be in the room with her. I don't blame him or nothin', but also… I don't know. I guess I'm a little confused why he was even in the room with her after the Leviathan. He was so mad the last couple days, like he was blaming Rena for something she had no control over.

But like, if he's scared of the lightning now, I get it. I think it would be cool, but Rena doesn't want anyone around, she doesn't want to hurt anyone else. So Jolee asked the Jedi if Juhani and me can stay in the Enclave until Rena feels better, and they said okay.

I didn't really see much of the enclave on Dantooine. Like I was there, and Big Z and I got food from the cafeteria, but there really wasn't a lot to do since I'm not a Jedi. But on Dantooine the enclave was really the only place around that wasn't a farm or somebody's house. The enclave on Alderaan is in the middle of a city so there's a lot going on. There's little stores and restaurants and stuff. It reminds me of Taris a little, except the people here are so much nicer. The Jedi are a little stuck up, but I can deal with that.

They put me and Juhani in one room by ourselves, instead of in a room with the Jedi in training. She seems kinda uncomfortable, I guess. Like, she doesn't even take a minute to get comfortable. She just sets down her stuff and leaves. I know we won't be staying here for a long time, but I like to get familiar with a room, you know? I guess it's just habit, finding all the exits and stuff. I know I don't need to do that here, but it's a hard habit to break.

I'm just looking out the window when I hear a knock at the door. Another Twi'lek? Cool. I almost thought I'd be the only on here. I mean, I haven't met a lot of Jedi, but all the ones I have seen are human, you know? And I know he's a Jedi because he's wearing a lightsaber. "If you're looking for Juhani, she left a little while ago," I tell him.

"Thank you," he says, "but I wasn't. My name is Zhar Lestin. I am one of the masters on the Jedi Council."

"I'm Mission, nice to meet you." Hang on a sec. I know that name. I think. "Were you one of the Jedi on Dantooine?"

He has a soft smile. "Yes, I'm sure Rena mentioned me," he says, "I was one of the masters who trained her."

Right! I remember now! "Yours is the only name she mentioned, I guess she likes you a lot."

"I'm glad to hear it," he says, "I came to see if you were settling in all right. When Jolee informed us you and Juhani would be staying here, and why, I thought it would be wise to check in on you."

"Oh, thanks!" I say, "I'm doing okay. I don't know about Juhani, though. Can… can I tell you something private?"

"Certainly," he says with a small shrug.

"Promise you won't tell anyone?"

"I promise."

"I think…” I say softly, "I think Juhani has a bit of a crush on Rena." Juhani wouldn't like it that I know. And she wouldn't like me talking about it either. "So I think she's having a hard time with this whole Revan thing."

"I see," he says simply, still with his soft smile, "And how do you feel about it?"

"Me? I don't think it really matters. She's not Revan anymore, she's Rena. It doesn't really matter who she used to be."

He nods. "That is very wise of you," he says, "The self is a fluid concept. Who we are in the here and now is the best metric of our identity." Uh… okay, sure. He means that I'm right, though, right?

"I don't think Rena believes that, though," I say, "She's taking it really bad. But she's a good person. You guys know that, right?" It's really important that they know that. She's not any different because of this. it doesn't matter who she used to be, she's Rena now. I saw yesterday when Carth called her Revan, she hated it. Like, it really hurt her. When he was all like "none of us can trust you," she agreed with it, she believed it. But she's still the same person now.

Master Zhar smiles again. "I can see you care for her a great deal," he says, "I believe you, Mission. I know she's still a good person. That is precisely what I want her to see."

"I don't know if she wants to listen to you guys," I say, "but good luck. Really." Taking a break is nice and all, but it would be even better if Rena could actually enjoy it. She's the one going out every time to find the Star Map. She's the one who really needs a break, but she's so caught up in this whole thing that she can't take it. Master Zhar nods, and he leaves. I hope he can help Rena. She needs it.

----

The last place I want to be right now is the Jedi Enclave. I didn't particularly enjoy being there on Dantooine. The Jedi were polite enough on the surface, I suppose, but they also had this unmistakable air about them. Like they were judging me, at least a little. Would a little humility kill them? And it’s not any different here. In fact, it actually feels a little worse. I doubt anyone knows everything that happened on the Leviathan, but they at least know about Bastila. And they;ve probably connected the destruction of Dantooine to us. They don’t blame us, but they know we’re connected. And I don’t think it’s just the Jedi from Dantooine who feel that way either. This enclave was here before the enclave on Dantooine relocated here. The Jedi who were already here now have to contend with the Jedi from Dantooine. And they’re not happy about it. They hide it well enough around other Jedi, but it’s clear as a bell to me. It’s clear the Jedi don’t want me here, and I’m more than happy to oblige that.

Alderaan is a planet of artisans and politicians. It’s a peaceful planet, and one of the founding members of the Republic. It’s almost untouched by war. Any scars it may bear are thousands of years old, and it’ll probably be several thousand more before it gets any new ones. I almost feel out of place here. I’ve been at war for the past… nearly ten years. Even now, the past several months haven’t exactly been a vacation. We’re not in active combat all the time, but I’ve always got to be on my toes, especially around Jedi. Blaster fire could break out at any moment, from nearly any side. The only time you’re safe is on the Hawk. Or… you were until yesterday.

I still can’t believe it. I can’t believe Rena shot lightning at me. She’s used the Force on me before, but never to hurt me. It’s never hurt. And she asked, both times, before using it, which is more than anyone else would have done. She never learned Force Lightning as long as I’ve known her, but Revan probably knew it, and she’s Revan now so she has to know. I have to assume she meant to hurt me, but that’s not the person I know. Or…. knew. This is all confusing.

I sit down at a table outside a restaurant. When a server comes by I order some caff, but I don’t really want it. I just… need to think. Maybe I should go back to the fleet. Yes, stopping Malak is the most important thing, and this is the most effective way to do that. But I don’t think I can stay and deal with this. I should hate her. There are so many reasons to hate her. Telos, for starters. Revan wasn’t personally responsible for the destruction of Telos, but Malak was on the end of her leash. So she was responsible for Morgana’s death, for the Sith getting their hands on Dustil. Revan betrayed the Republic, and took a lot of good people with her. And that’s just what I know about. Any one of the Jedi here could probably list more crimes Revan committed just off the top of their head! I should hate her. I- I should. I do. I do hate her.

Out of nowhere a shadow comes over me. “Commander Onasi, would it be alright if I joined you?” Zhar. One of the Jedi Masters, the one who trained Rena.

I can’t help but be angry on her behalf, as well as my own. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I say coldly.

He nods. “I do not wish to impose, but I felt it would be prudent to speak with you.”

Speak with me? I scoff. “I got the impression the Jedi Council wanted nothing to do with me. I’ve been just as much a part of this mission as Rena and Bastila, but every time you called them in, you sent me away like I was insignificant. If it wasn’t for me, Rena would have died on the Endar Spire, I could have taken that last escape pod for myself and saved my own skin.”

“But you never would have,” he says without a moment of hesitation, “You are a decorated soldier, and you would never leave someone behind. You are already so overwhelmed with trauma and guilt that sacrificing anyone would be unthinkable.”

And here we go again. “Look, I don’t need to be analyzed, thanks. And I certainly don’t need some Jedi telling me how I feel. I really think it would be best if you leave.”

He sighs and nods again. “I sincerely apologize. It was not my intention to antagonize you. I simply care for Rena’s well-being, and I felt that, as our interests aligned in that respect, you were the one I should speak to. But I will not force myself on you.”

“Hang on,” I say, before he can step away, “What do you mean ‘our interests align’? Why do you think I care about her more than the others?”

“Perhaps that would be wise to discuss as well. May I?” He asks to sit again. Sure. I need to hear this. “As I’m sure you’re aware, Bastila was aware of Rena’s true identity from the beginning.” I nod. “To that end… we were concerned that, should Revan’s memories resurface, her behavior would change for the worse, although we did not know how it might change. Bastila was regularly contacting us, reporting Rena’s actions.” So? I mean, yeah, that’s bad that Bastila was basically spying on us, but that doesn’t answer my question. Zhar looks a bit uncomfortable. “To be as delicate as possible…” he says hesitantly, “… Bastila informed us that you and Rena are… quite close.”

Oh, for the love of --! “How ‘close’ did she say we were?”

He still looks uncomfortable. “Her last transmission was three days ago, the day before Malak captured her.”

And we’d just slept together the night before. Great. Fantastic. Rena said she’d have her objections to it but I doubt she knew how right she was. “Please understand, Bastila was doing as we ordered. I know that doesn’t make it right--”

“You’re damn right it doesn’t.”

“-- but I hope it’s at least somewhat of a comfort that she had no malicious intent. In fact, she spoke quite highly of you.”

I scoff again. “You could have fooled me.”

Zhar shakes his head. “I can’t speak for her reasons, but it is not Bastila I wish to speak of.”

“No, you came here to talk about Rena,” I say quickly, “What makes you think I want to hear anything the Council has to say?”

“I have not come on behalf of the Council.” Oh? This ought to be good. “The other members of the Council did not take the time to know Rena as I did, and thus I believe their understanding of the situation is incomplete. The others are content to simply let Rena come to terms with her identity on her own. I could not convince them that was the wrong course of action, but neither could I accept their judgment on the situation.” Their judgement. They just want to leave her, leave all of us, in the dark. The blind leading the blind. Rena’s not coping. She’s not coming to terms with this on her own. “I knew this transition would be difficult. I wished to help.”

Well… okay, at least he’s being halfway decent. It’s damned insensitive of the rest of the Council to just abandon her like this. Like they only care about her if she’s advancing their goals. The fact that she’s dying inside doesn’t matter to them at all. And the fact that at least one of them cares about her now is good. He wants to help her through this and she needs it. But the fact remains that they all made the decision to hide it from her and the rest of us in the first place. In fact, I get the impression that they never would have said anything if they didn’t have to. If Malak hadn't said anything, they would have kept their secret forever. “She’s not interested in anything you have to say, either,” I say, making no effort to hide how angry I am, “She’s not interested in hearing from any of us, but she definitely doesn’t want anyone from the Council around.”

Zhar nods. “I was afraid of that,” he says, “I’m sure she feels it’s for the best to isolate herself, but in fact it will only make matters worse. Alone with only her thoughts, who knows what could surface? Rage, hatred, thoughts of revenge - her troubled thoughts and emotions are precisely the soil the Dark Side needs to sprout and flourish.”

No. It wouldn’t. She wouldn’t. Would she? I don’t know. She’s not the Rena I know anymore, is she? I don’t know her, I don’t know who she is now. She might fall. There’s darkness in her, I know there is. I’ve seen it. “I understand she may not accept my help,” he says, “but I am certain she will accept yours. It is crucial that you remind her not of who she was, but who she has become. When you see her rage, when you see something of Revan in her, remind her of what she has learned. Remind her of the Jedi Code. There is no emotion, there is peace.”

I can’t help but laugh. That is without a doubt the worst idea I’ve ever heard. Not only will that not calm Rena down, it would probably make things worse. Reminding her of the Jedi Code? All that would do is remind her of everything she’s been through, remind her that she had to have her mind erased in order to be redeemed, remind her of all the lies she’s been fed. “If I’d said that last night, she probably would have conjured more lightning than she already had. Are you trying to kill me?”

“Lightning?” he repeats. Was-- was that the only word of that you caught? Did you miss everything else I said? “What do you mean?”

I shrug a little. “She got upset, fired lightning at me that sent me across the room, it hurt like hell, and reciting the Jedi Code would have only made it worse. I’m not eager for that.”

“Please, could you describe it for me?”

No, I can’t believe you don’t know what it looks like. “It’s the same damn Force Lightning all the Dark Jedi use, I know you know what it is!”

Good, now he looks appropriately horrified. “It is already worse than I feared. I must speak with her at once.” He stands up.

“I already told you, she doesn’t want to talk to anyone, least of all you or anyone else from the Council,” I say, “If you want to get yourself shocked, be my guest, but I don’t want to see her join the Dark Side anymore than you do, and --”

“That is precisely what I am trying to prevent,” he interrupts, “Thank you, Commander Onasi. You may have saved her.”

----

I hear a knock at the door. Which tells me it’s not one of the others trying to make peace with me. I know - I would feel it if it was one of them first, before they gathered the nerve to open the door. Feel their own conflicted feelings about all this. Am I really Rena, their friend, their ally, anymore? Or has Revan tainted everything? I don’t even see how it’s a question. Revan has ruined everything. And then, once they’ve gathered the courage to look me in the eye, then they open the door. But even then they can’t yet bring themselves to be in the same room, so they just stand there in the doorway at first. Carth hasn’t even done that since yesterday - he’s been keeping himself just outside the door. Like he’s keeping guard, making sure I don’t leave in the dead of night and betray the Republic again. Even he’s not out there now, though. Like he’s given up on me.

But this is not one of the others. I can’t feel anything. Well, I can't feel any of them. I do feel someone, I just don’t know who. But they’re waiting. Waiting for me to say something. I don’t want to see anyone. Certainly not some stranger from Alderaan. “Leave me alone,” I say.

The door opens. Of course they didn’t listen. “I think you have been alone enough, Padawan.” Wait, Master Zhar? I turn a little to look. There in the door. One of the people who did this to me. “I only wish we were seeing each other under better circumstances.”

“You didn’t have to come,” I say, “In fact, you shouldn’t have.” I don’t want to look at him. I don’t want to see any of them. I’m angry. And I can’t stop myself from being angry. I don’t want to do anything else I’ll regret.

“You’re mistaken,” he says, “I had to come. The other masters would rather I leave well enough alone. But they did not work with you as closely as I did. Beyond a few passing, cursory encounters, they never got a chance to know you, Rena.” Who is there to know? Rena doesn’t exist, she never did. “They knew Revan, but you are not Revan.”

No. No. Don’t lie. “Don’t lie to me,” I say, turning over, sitting up, “Don’t lie to me now that I know the truth. I remember, I saw myself. I am Revan. That’s the whole point of all of this! Malak may have jostled the memories free, but they were always there. Guiding my every decision, leading me to every Star Map. You couldn’t hide it forever.”

“No,” he agrees calmly, “I only wish you could have learned under better circumstances. Perhaps then, under our guidance, you could have come to terms with your identity. Perhaps in time you could have come to understand why the Council came to the decision it did.”

“Don’t act like you’re separate from them - you’re on the damn Council!” I’m not stupid! “You were right there with them when they decided to do this to me! You’ve lied to me enough!”

He’s still so calm. So infuriatingly calm. “Your feelings are certainly valid,” he says, like I needed validation, “but your understanding is incomplete. The Council may act as a unit, but our decisions are not reached free of conflict. I did not wish to hide your identity from you on Dantooine. As you were training, I came to learn much about your character. I believed that we should tell you of your former life before we sent you away. Stopping Malak was not more important than your understanding and your well-being. They disagreed, and overruled me.”

“You could have gone against them, told me anyway. You didn’t have to keep me in the dark.”

“Do you truly think that would have been wise?” he says, “The Council was already facing a war on one side. To have a conflict within as well as without would have clouded our vision, making it easier for Malak to advance. And what of your own focus? Before you became aware of your identity, your focus was singular. You were to locate the Star Maps, find the Star Forge, and stop Malak. And in less than two weeks, you were more than halfway done with that task. This revelation has only divided your focus. Had I gone against the will of the Council at that time, you would have received no time to recover or come to terms with the truth. You would have been second-guessing your every move, just as you are now.”

I don’t say anything. I don’t want to talk to him, I don’t want to look at him anymore. Master Zhar sighs. “But I did not come here to argue with you, Rena,” he says, “I came to help you.”

“I don’t want your help,” I say. I can feel the lightning crackling between my fingers. I cover up my hands, trying to muffle the sound.

“I understand,” he says, “but it’s clear you do need it. Your friends have told me what is happening to you. And even though they don’t understand the Force as you or I do, they are still deeply concerned for you. Force Lightning is a dangerous ability. Even more so if you don’t know how to control it.”

“I don’t want to control it!” I say firmly, “Don’t you get it? I don’t want this power, I just want it to go away.” I clench myself tightly. Trying to get it to stop. “I will never use Force Lightning. I will never hurt anyone like that.”

“Unfortunately, you already have.” Carth and Canderous. “Thankfully, your friends are none the worse for wear, but the longer this ability goes unchecked, the greater the consequences will be when it is finally unleashed. This ability has manifested itself now because you are afraid, and it will continue to feed on you for as long as you let it. I can teach you to harness it, to control it, but it will never go away.” No. They’ve lied to me before, who’s to say he’s not lying to me now? I can do this on my own. “I will not force you to accept my help, but it is still available should you change your mind.”

“Get off my ship,” I say, my voice shaking beyond my control.

“As you wish,” he says simply. Maddeningly calm. He stands and leaves. I don’t need their help. I don’t want their help. I’ve already been on the receiving end of it, and look at the effects! It’s their “help” that got me into this mess. I can do this on my own.

#knights of the old republic #star wars #fiction #autistic artist #kotor #specs writes stuff #kotor fic #rena visz #oc #fem!revan #mission vao #carth onasi #zhar lestin #alderaan #chapter 113

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teddybear-yn · 6 years

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[all night - the vamps]

nct. jung jaehyun

last night’s craziness was just too much that some of it spilled onto the next morning

It was 3:16 am, and I was still wide awake. Outside, it was dark and foggy. Typical winter weather. In my mind, it was a mess of disorganized haywires - the type you wouldn't even bother yourself to fix anymore.

I try to convince myself that I couldn't fall asleep because of the stupid red bull and jet black cup of coffee I drank earlier.

But in reality, I knew I couldn't because of a new number sitting in my phone of a new guy that was waiting for me to text him first.

It all happened last night.

My group of friends and I normally were the bunch of quiet weirdos in the corner that you swore could talk to each other telepathically.

We were always laughing though, sometimes got in trouble, and went way back. All the way in middle school is where we all met and decided 'hey you're kinda cool, I'll stick with you'.

So when we were blasting music and singing obnoxiously last night? It came off as a bit of a shock to the kids that lived in the college street we raided.

It was just a whim honestly, I swear none of us were drunk or high then. In fact, we were all completely sober. Some crazy remnants still made me giggle.

We started the music at around 9pm, at first we just wanted to drive around, admiring the pretty buildings. The stereo's volume was on 26.

But then by our 6th round around the block, I was sitting on the window with my phone's flashlight on, singing obnoxiously to whatever song came on.

My friend, with her window down, conveniently had one of those echo mics and was singing to the top of her lungs despite not knowing half the lyrics.

The stereo's volume was on 99 and the bass boosters were switched on.

There were college kids playing tennis by the park then. It was almost 12am.

When the attractive group of guys came up to us, laughing, inviting us to a club party, we thought 'hey we're already getting crazy, why not go the extra mile and get drunk on a Tuesday night?’

Little did I know that that night would be a rollercoaster of emotions.

We got to the club around 1:30. All dressed up, I was feeling pretty and confident. That didn't normally happen. I wasn't the pretty one of the group.

Everything was a blur, How I was sick of dancing in the heels my friend lent me, so after a few minutes, I was the first in our group to trudge towards the bar barefoot.

I sat there watching them dance with a goofy smile on my face. We always talked about how we would all go completely crazy someday. Guess that was today. But then again maybe there were more and crazier days to come with them.

"You made it. So can I offer you a drink?" One of the guys that came up to us earlier in that attractive bunch? He was right next to me, looking more attractive as he was dressed up too.

"I'm Jaehyun. You and your friends are being hunted down by the police for the ruckus you guys made earlier, did you know that?"

Shit. I always thought how it was odd that nobody came out and screamed at us earlier for being a driving teen concert.

Guess they didn't bother and went straight to the police.

"There aren't any cameras around there, right?" I ask nervously. After a chuckle, Jaehyun merely shrugged innocently. He should know he lives there. I glared at him, knowing that he should know.

"Okay, fine. There are cameras. But the most you'll get is a night in jail." That rang in my ears, threatening to spill out in vomit. A night in jail? My parents will kill me.

Jaehyun seems to notice my distraught as he asks me again if I wanted a drink. "A cup of coffee will be fine. Black. And some red bull."

Now that doesn't sound at all appealing, but I figured if I was spending a night in jail, there was no way in hell I would fall asleep.

"You were quite interesting earlier, almost hanging out of the car window and flailing." He chuckles again, not really helping with my stress really.

"In Psychology you were like a mouse, spoke little next to nothing and there you were, all crazy." Did he say Psychology? So I had a class with him?

Great, so some of my other classmates recognize me too then. The quiet chick that went crazy that one night. They'll think I went high on PCP.

Really this information did nothing but add to my stress. Now I was on the verge of tears as I held my head in my hands, roughly scratching my hair. “Shit.”

Remember how I said it was gonna be a rollercoaster? And I haven’t even had any alcohol yet.

My mental breakdown seemed to catch Jaehyun's attention.

"Look if you're that stressed. My uncle's the head of this district's police..." He starts off.

"I can only ask him a few times, but I can ask him to waive you guys off." Sniffling, I looked up to him in broken hope. "Can you really?"

Next thing I know Jaehyun kisses my cheek and makes a call on his phone. As he was talking on the phone, I sat there like statue, mortified by the kiss. Did he normally kiss people he just met?

"I know, this'll be my last. At least for this semester. I know one of them, the one hanging off the window, yeah. Thanks, don't tell mom." After that, Jaehyun just looks back at me with a dimpled smile on his face.

"Now you won't have to worry about that anymore." He beamed. He was right, I didn't have to worry about that cause now, I had to worry about how much I owe him. And that kiss on my cheek, Jesus Christ.

I know how this worked, his favor wasn't for free.

"Your number." The phrase 'this'll be my last' particularly rang in my head, drowning me in guilt.

I was the only one whose face was caught outside the car, I could've turned myself in and not bother anyone, especially my friends.

"I said your number would make it up." Only then was I snapped out, when Jaehyun put a hand on my thigh. I flinched away from it. And he took the signal.

"If you give me your number we'll be even." Why did he want my number? Reluctantly, I gave it to him and he gave his. Not knowing where this was going I started to look for my friends in the crowd, to leave.

But before I stood up and actually leave, Jaehyun grabbed my wrist, the same dimpled smile on his face.

"I won't force you to talk to me, so I'll wait for your text first, okay? Just don't leave me hanging." He said and with that I walked away, grabbing all 3 of my drunk friends and driving us home.

His smile softened me a bit, with the two dimples that added an extra cuteness to his face. Darn he was cute.

When we got home, it was 2:48am. I got all the girls out of their clothes, forced them to shower and drink a full glass of water before doing so myself.

As I got out of the shower, I saw them giggling amongst themselves like teenagers, stopping when they saw me.

"What is it?" I walked up to them, drying my hair with my towel.

"When are you texting Jaehyun?" My best friend asked me excitedly as if she couldn't hold it in anymore. But her question honestly just reminded me about that incident. With Jaehyun.

"How do you know about that?" Brushing it off, it seems my attempt at changing the topic only made it worse. Now they started squealing while my best friend kept saying 'i told you so'.

"I told you he was into her! Why else would he go all the way around the car to ask us to his party. And through her! He was even leaning to her earlier." She said all in one breath, but not without emphasizing some specific parts.

It took me a while to realize what on earth she was talking about. And without my other friend's help, I wouldn't have.

"She's talking about how earlier Jaehyun and his friends were closer to the right side of the car and could've asked her if we wanted to go to the party because she had her window down. We all did.." I see my best friend nodding triumphantly.

"But he went all the way around the car to ask you on the other side and he was leaning in too. So we figured he liked you."

That's it? They were basing these assumptions out of that one small detail. Pssh.

"It's the small things that matter." They all tell me. Great, now I'm starting to believe it.

Just as I was about to delete his number and forget it ever happened too.

"Oh, let's all just go to sleep. We still have class tomorrow." I hurriedly downed a glass of water (but then remembering I didn't really drink tonight) and usher the girls into their rooms.

Now it was 3:16am and I was still wide awake. The past few hours felt like a dream. I held my heart and still felt the adrenaline of the party and us driving around college street with our volume maxed.

I held my phone in my hands, switched on and on Jaehyuns contact. Something in me wanted to see if he really wouldn't text me first like he said, but a bigger part was telling me to go and not leave the guy hanging.

Who am I kidding? He probably has a bunch of girls' numbers that's why he didn't want to text me first. Cause he was too busy with the others. I wouldn't be leaving him hanging.

But here I was, typing and erasing words in my phone repeatedly. A never-ending cycle. Again, a rollercoaster.

sent

would you really not text me first even if you had my number?

My heart felt like it was stuck in my throat as I threw my phone to other side of my room. Only to stand up and pick it up as I hear the familiar ding of a new message.

received

honestly, I would have. but now I'm just glad you didn't leave me hanging.

A blush was creeping up my face as I read his text. He was glad I texted him.

sent

I never really said thank you for getting your uncle to waive us. so, thank you.

God, I felt so cringey and strange.

received

you're welcome. just don't do it again because that was my last favor from him probably and you could've gotten hurt hanging off the car window like that.

Now, I really felt strange. It was something I couldn't explain, like I felt lured so much into this Jaehyun I just met. I didn't even notice the smile on my face that came up since his first text.

sent

I'm sorry I took your last :( I'll make it up however I can.

received

you can make it up by eating out with me tomorrow after classes?

sent

sure, I'll pay for wherever you want to eat

received

as a date and I'll pay. it's only right that I should

There it was again, the feeling where it felt like my heart was stuck in my throat. Anyone seeing me would think I was a maniac with how I was smiling so weirdly into my phone.

sent

alright but you choose where to eat

I texted Jaehyun so that I could fall asleep, but now it was 5:12am and the sun was starting to rise. We basically texted each other for 2 hours straight.

I knew all these stupid facts about Jaehyun now too. About how he's a music major, he had a lot of friends - 17 of them and some were still in highschool, he lived in California for 4 years - or was that Connecticut, and how he actually legally changed his name to Yoonoh but just didn't use it cause it sounded like someone else's.

received

it's 5:30 already. when's your first class?

sent

7...

received

you should go to sleep now. wouldn't want you falling asleep in class, babe.

sent

alright. goodnight, Jae.

received

goodnight, darling.

Babe and darling. I just met this man last night, technically, this morning. But already, Jung Jaehyun was becoming the death of me.

A/N. so my friends and i did this crazy thing where we drove around a college district at 9pm on a tuesday night, with our windows down, volume on max, and bass boosters switched on. we got in trouble but it felt so...

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jisungshotfirst · 2 years

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I was actually quite lucky that I already had my booster vax cause it thankfully didn't go too hard on my lungs (I had medical issues with my lungs since I was a baby so we were all a bit worried) I was just k.o with flu symptoms for about a week and then I needed a few days to get my strength back but now I'm okay again.

And YES love that they never really hated each other. Jaeyoung was just salty about his graduation but I think he knew he deserved to fail for being lazy. And his pranks were more like him being a lil shit than actually looking to cause serious problems. Like the broccoli? Lmao I snorted.

And yes I love the character and relationship development that happened in that show! I wish we had more or longer eps to explore that more but it was definitely one of the most natural progressions in a webdrama.

And the friends were all amazing! Both girls were really nice and I also loved how naturally jaeyoung's girl friend kinda adopted sangwoo and gave him advice and all. There literally was not even a tiny bit of any toxicity and it was so refreshing to just like literally every single character in a show. Amazing! I would like more of that please!

I finished blueming and I was sad how his mum handled the whole situation with the movie? Like her son was just showing how he was hurt as a child and she just got hella angry at him :( but I was also glad they didn't dive deeper into the whole weight issue. And I thought it was really sweet how he reassured the child actor that he's absolutely fine the way he is :(

I'm watching kissable lips at the moment and it's...??? Kinda weird lmao they went from not knowing each other at all to being project partners to playing basketball together to suddenly being in love within like 10 minutes and it feels so unnatural... idk I'm halfway through so let's see how this turns out in the end.

And I'm cheering for you to finish those assignments! You can do it! 💪🏼

Drama anon ❤

Oh god I understand, that's really scary but I'm so glad you're alright! I had a similar experience, I have pretty serious asthma so it through all of the pandemic it's been a scary possibility of getting it, you probably felt a similar way. I am so glad we both had been boosterd before we got it, it didn't go too hard on my lungs either I was also just out of it with flu symptoms. I'm so glad you're better now!

Exactly !! The stakes weren't very high and him being a little shit was SO entertaining jfjd the jealously I felt, I wish I had the guts to do that to someone fjdj. The broccoli .. literally hilarious.

Yes!! I am manifesting a day we get a bl 16 ep drama like all the het ones 😔💔 but I agree it had the most natural progression of them all!

Yes !!! Jaeyoungs girl friend ... literally gorgeous she is so pretty :( the scene with her and Sangwoo is one of my favourites for so many reasons. As you said she's adopted him and is giving him advice just because she cares for jaeyoung and will care for someone jaeyoung rly likes. And that scene being the first time Sangwoo has spoken honestly to someone about his feelings, I was like WOAH I'm so proud of u Sangwoo :')) and then her dropping the fact that shes bi and he does a little 😳 before relaxing again and it's so nice because you can see Sangwoo going 'oh she's like so chill about being queer.. this is okay' which is so important. And she mentioned she liked jaeyoung at one point which makes their relationship even more fun fjdj I imagine she liked him from afar and then got to know him more and was like BESTIE u need help i'm ur best friend now NFJDJD.

Yes !! That's what annoyed me the most, his mom is Horrific like imagine seeing a piece of art your son made about his hurt and not apologise ???? And when he got RIGHTFULLY mad at her back, /he/ was the one to say sorry and she didn't apologise ??? I'm glad they didn't ignore that like in the voice over he went "she didn't apologise" but also he's gotten Zero closure from that?? Am so tired of parents in dramas not being held accountable for their actions! Omg yeah :(( as that part happened when he's taking to the child actor I was just like "this was so needed", I'm So glad it happened. It's both comforting the child actor and also him mending the relationship with younger him. It's so nice and made me love him more :( I cannot remember his name oml sorry if that was hard to read fjjd

Nfjsjd so I watched kissable lips too fjjd. I had so much time when I was sick I watched So much oml. Yes I was so confused I was like oh ? We skipped right to being in love ?? This is ep 1 boyos. Tbh it just gets weirder, the vampire things get Very convoluted and ur man the vampire is an asshole. I'm annoyed coz I heard a vampire bl was in the making and I was like oh?? Gay vampire media ?? And then I heard it was called kissable lips and was like .. oh no not looking good. And .. yeah 😔 also it did my least fav thing where they have 1 kiss and then it jump cuts to them half naked laying down and I'm like BESTIES what just happened??? Ur at SCHOOL 😔 I am so sorry if this is spoiling things but I needed to rant about how ridiculous it is fjdjjd. If I wasn't sick with so much time on my hands I likely wouldn't have finished it fjfj

Thank you !!!! I will get them done ! 😎

#drama anon #anons

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